Why I’m giving up on Women [uor4bKnRaSw]

So today I kind of want to give an update

on my thoughts on relationships and women

in general. So it's come to my conclusion

recently that being in a relationship

isn't really that great, and being alone

and being single isn't really that bad.

Last year when I went to Manchester and I

was living alone in that apartment, I was

so desperate to get back into a

relationship after my previous serious

relationship came to an end, and the idea

of being alone and single just really

terrified me. I've never really been out

of a relationship for a very long time,

since 2009. I've always been continuously

in relationships. I've had multiple

relationships in a year. I've had even

multiple relationships at the same time.

So I'm not really someone who is good at

being alone. And when I was in Manchester

last year, I never felt more depressed and

miserable in my entire life. And it

created this kind of vicious circle where

I felt really depressed because I couldn't

get a girlfriend, and I probably couldn't

get a girlfriend because I was so

depressed, which just made me more

depressed, which made it even harder to

find a girlfriend because who wants to

date a guy who's really depressed? So

after trying all of last year to get a

girlfriend, to jump straight back into a

new relationship to fix my broken heart,

that plan kind of failed. I had to just

give up and come home and focus my

energies and efforts onto something else.

And recently I have started to put the

idea of being in a relationship to the

back of my mind. I have been on some dates

and I have casually met up with women over

the past few months, and that's great and

everything, but I don't really see myself

getting into a serious relationship with

any of these women. And that's mainly

because after over a decade of trying to

find happiness from relationships and from

being with women, I've kind of realized

that being in a relationship just kind of

makes me— it kind of makes me pretty

miserable, and I feel a lot better just

being alone. Now obviously I would like to

be in a relationship. I would like to have

that as a long-term goal that would be

nice to have in the future. And if she's

really and she really gets on with me and

we click and everything's amazing, that'd

be great and I'd love to be in a

relationship. But I'm starting to realize

more and more that the chances of that

happening are just becoming more and more

unlikely, and it's probably never gonna

happen. I'm also feeling kind of fed up

making such massive sacrifices in order to

be in a relationship, such as moving to an

entirely different country just for her,

learning a completely new language just

for her, completely changing aspects of my

life just for her. And I feel like it's

not really worth it anymore. Almost every

single relationship I've been in, I've had

to make massive life changes, and I feel

like it's always me who's having to make

the sacrifices. It's always me having to

compromise more than they're having to,

and I feel like it's kind of unfair, and I

don't really want to have to do that

anymore. If I did get myself into another

relationship again, I'm not going to make

any compromises. I'm not going to learn a

new language. I'm not going to move to a

new country. I'm not going to do things

that I don't really want to do. And if she

doesn't like that, then Well, we're just

gonna have to say goodbye. I'm starting to

think that moving to a completely new

country just so you could be with a girl

or be with a woman in a relationship isn't

really a good idea, and I should be

spending my time— I think it would be a

better use of my time to just stay in my

own country and develop skills or pick up

hobbies that I'm interested in doing, not

because I think it would help me get into

a relationship, or not because I think

it's gonna please some girl, but because I

want to do it and because I feel

interested in it. So in a way, I guess you

could say I'm giving up on women, but I'm

not giving up on dating. I'm still gonna

go on dates and I'll still meet women if

there's women who are interested, but I'm

just going to try to be less obsessive

with it. I'm going to try to focus on

other things and not just be so desperate

to get back into a relationship and just

let things play out naturally. And

recently I started to believe in this

thing called the law of reversed effort.

Basically, it means that you shouldn't

have to put any effort into anything and

it should just happen naturally. So

instead of trying to force things to

happen, by being obsessive and desperate,

which usually doesn't really work. You

just kind of stop caring and stop putting

any effort into things. And if it's meant

to be, it's meant to be. And if it's not,

then, well, at least you didn't waste

loads of money and effort into something

that was just a waste of time. And the

reason why I like this philosophy, this

way of life, is because I actually have a

lot of real-life experiences or examples

that confirm the law of reverse effort to

be quite true. For example, I blew up on

YouTube back in 2018. Without even trying.

I just put up some silly videos, some vlog

about not having friends. I wasn't really

expecting anything from it, and somehow it

went viral and I managed to build myself

an audience mostly from that one video.

And then over the years, I became really

desperate to recreate that viral hit,

and I just became really desperate to get

views and to try and grow my channel. And

the result is my channel ended up

flopping, and I never got a massive viral

that got over a million views ever again.

And the harder I tried to get views, it

seems like the less views I get. The same

thing happened when I was in Japan when I

got married. So before that, I was really

desperate to try and live in Japan, to

find some way of living in Japan. But then

I gave up on the idea, and then I went

back to Japan in 2017, and it was like by

magic I met a woman who was willing to

marry me and get me a spouse visa, and my

dream of living in Japan became true.

Even though I put basically no effort into

making that dream come true. Also, the

same thing kind of applies to women. The

more desperate and obsessive I get about

having a girlfriend, the less girlfriends

I have. And then the less effort I put

into trying to get a girlfriend, the more

girlfriends I managed to get. It's really

weird how it works, but it seems like it

does work. The less effort I put in, the

more I get, and the more effort I put in,

the less I get out of what I want. So I've

kind of been seeing this English girl

recently, and we've been dating for a

couple months now. We go on dates maybe

once every few weeks, and it's going

pretty well. And the interesting thing is

I'm putting basically no effort into this

relationship. I don't know if you could

call it a relationship. Maybe we are in a

relationship from her point of view, but

I'm putting basically no effort into

making this happen. I'm just letting

things flow naturally. She really likes

me, so I don't really have to do much to

win her approval because she really likes

me. And so far things are going pretty

well. We go on dates, we go to these

places, and we have a nice time together.

And she doesn't nag me, she doesn't make

me do things I don't want to do, so I

don't really have a good reason to block

her or ghost her or to stop seeing her.

And some of you might have realized that

I'm showing a lot of interest in driving

right now. I've been taking driving

lessons. I've had about 5 or 6 lessons so

far, and I'm really enjoying driving. I'm

actually really having fun driving the car

and going along the road and doing all the

traffic stuff, whereas before I used to

hate driving and it used to terrify me.

And I'm not really sure if it's because of

this new girl that I'm seeing. It does

seem like a coincidence that I started to

show this massive interest in driving

after I met her. I just think it'd be

really nice if I could drive and I had a

car and I could take her to some nicer

places that are not very easy to get to

using public transport. So it's not like

I'm only learning to drive so I can

impress girls, because obviously I've

already impressed her because she already

likes me. Before I could drive anyway. So

it's not like being able to drive or

having a car is really important. I just

really feel like I want to do it

naturally. And that's the law of reverse

effort. The less effort you put into

things, the better the outcome is. When it

comes to driving, I don't have to put any

kind of forced effort into learning it

because I genuinely want to learn how to

do it and I want to be able to be good at

it. So hopefully that leads me down the

path of eventually getting my driver's

license and then I can buy a Tesla. So

that's kind of my new way of life right

now. Put in zero effort, and if it's meant

to be, then it's meant to be. But if it's

not meant to be, then it doesn't really

matter how much effort you put into—

because I put so much effort into my last

relationship with Mila. I moved to a

completely different country, I made all

these sacrifices when it came to my

channel, I promised and I agreed to not

make certain kind of videos that would

upset her, and I had to make all these

changes in my life. And I put in so much

effort to make the relationship work, and

in the end she dumped me anyway. So it was

all a waste of time.