SET MY KITCHEN ON FIRE!

Okay, since since it's my day off, I think

we should start tidying up some of these

boxes. Woo!

Throwing boxes down the staircase.

Asus, thank you for the monitor.

Out. That was really painful. Ow!

Hold on, I'll show you. It's this

tripod. You can bend the legs and these

bits are magnetic, so look, you can just

stick it to stuff like that. And then you

can put your phone into weird places, and

you can also just use it as a selfie stick

so it's easier to hold the camera.

I always get the hiccups when I cough.

Look, this is the bread I got from a few

days ago. It's rock solid. Look,

it's just

rock solid. Oh, I know what we could have

for lunch. We could have the pizza. I

completely forgot about the pizza. The

spicy meat feast. The only problem is I'm

not really sure how to make it. It says 6

to 8 minutes in the oven. I haven't used

the oven for a long time. I hope I can

remember. I think— I'm not sure, hold on.

Okay, it says 6 to 8 minutes, um,

220 degrees at gas mark 7.

Well, how do we do that? So gas mark

7, I'm guessing it's this one that says 7,

but how do we put it to 220 degrees? Oh

no, 220 degrees is gas mark 7, isn't it?

Okay, so we need to open the oven and

then, um, how do we do this? I don't know

how to make a pizza. What do we do? Put

the pizza in here, right? And then close.

I think that's wrong.

This feels wrong. I think I'm doing it

wrong. Hold on. All right, we have to take

the pizza out of the box first. Oh,

goodness me. Okay, so now the pizza is in

some kind of plastic bag.

Okay, we need some kind of baking tray.

This one's a bit too small.

It's not— it doesn't go inside properly.

Look, it's like jutting out the edge.

Okay, this tray is gonna have to do. I

can't find the larger tray.

Just open this bad boy up.

Oh, why does life have to be so difficult?

Put this stupid plastic condom over it. I

can't even get it out. Oh, now it's

dropping all over the place. Okay,

how's that? Is that okay? I don't know.

Hold on. Okay, the problem with our oven

is the ignition button that ignites the

flame is broken, so we have to do it

manually. We have to— shit, I turned the

gas on. Got gas coming out into the

kitchen. That's not good. So you have to

turn the gas on, and then we have to put a

match inside to ignite the fire. I can

smell gas. It's coming out. I'm gonna blow

the house up, aren't I? I don't want to

blow the house up. Go away, gas. Go away,

go away. Okay, turn on the

gas. Gas mark 7.

There's not many matches

left. Oh crap, fire makes me really

nervous.

Oh shit, shit, quick, quick, I don't want

to burn my hand. Oh no, it went out,

fuck. Quick, the gas

is coming out. The gas is gonna blow

Quick, if you move too fast the flame goes

out.

Slowly, slowly. Fuck! We did it, we did

it! Is it on? It's not even on.

The flame didn't ignite. Hold on.

Ah,

come on, come on, come on,

come on, come on, ignite!

Fuck! We got it, we got it, we got fire,

we got fire. It's all good, it's all good.

Okay, now we need to preheat the oven.

Oh, much hard work just to make a pizza.

Look, we used 3 matches. Let's just put

these out and then put them in the bin, I

guess. So we'll

let the oven heat up a bit and then put

this in for— what did it say? Um, 6 to 8

minutes oven. Okay.

Ah, coffee.

Cooking with Daniel. I think the oven

should be preheated by now. Let's just

have a look. Um, yeah, that looks pretty

preheated. Pretty, pretty hot in there.

Let's get the pizza. Hopefully the pizza

is not going to stick to the tray. Should

I put like tin foil? Should we put it in

the middle, the middle shelf, or the top

shelf? I'm gonna go with— because heat

rises, doesn't it? Should we put it in the

top shelf then? Okay.

Um, yeah, so shut

that. And what's the time now? Time is Uh,

what's the time? Is that 25 past or

27 past? It did say 10 minutes. Okay, so

wait for the big handle to get to the

number 8. So I guess while we're waiting

for the pizza to cook, we can have a

little chat.

Well, say something then. Jesus Christ,

you're so— you're so quiet. It just feels

like— it feels like I'm talking to myself

all the time. It's like talking to a brick

wall. There's no response from you at all.

Are you even listening? Are you even

listening to me? Are you listening to me?

Are you listening? Light crisp base topped

with a seasoned tomato sauce, chili beef,

turkey ham, pepperoni slices, and jalapeño

peppers. Last night I was

on the cash register And at around 4 AM in

the morning, this blue Mini Cooper pulls

up and this young girl comes,

steps out. Well, not a young girl, like a

young lady. And she steps out and she

comes into the shop and she buys a bottle

of wine and she comes up to me and she

says, are you new here? And I said, yeah,

I'm new.

And she said, how long have you been

working here? And I said, 4 days, not even

a week yet. And then she said, oh, okay,

so I guess I'll see you around because I

come here often. And then I said, yeah,

goodbye. You know, if the

customer's like that, I don't mind having

to have to have— having to have to have a

conversation. Is that correct grammar?

English is a strange language sometimes.

Yeah, it'd be pretty nice if there were a

bit less middle-aged Uh, trucking guys,

middle-aged guys coming into the shop,

and, uh, a few more attractive young

ladies. Yeah, that'd be great.

There were 2 lesbians last night. I think

they were lesbians. Well, there were 2

women and they were really strange. One of

them was really masculine and she kept

slapping the other woman's ass and

laughing. I'm guessing she was the

masculine one in the relationship. And the

other one was the submissive female.

You know, you get some interesting

characters coming in at night. And that

masculine lesbian woman, she was walking

around the shop with her shorts half

falling down. You could see her arse

crack. It was really awkward. Okay, pizza

should be ready by now. Yeah, it's looking

pretty good. Smells pretty pizzary.

Should we turn off the fire? And then I

think this is going to be pretty hot, so

we're going to need a towel. We're going

to need a towel. So get my pizza. Let's

get my pizza.

Pizza. Don't burn myself. Don't burn me.

Don't burn me. Don't burn me. Oh, it's

really hot. It's really hot. Brownie

pizza. Voilà. How's that? How's my

cooking? See, it's not hard cooking. Just

Put it in the oven, turn on the fire.

So let's see if it's actually cooked.

Looks pretty cooked to me.

Cutting a pizza with a pair of scissors.

So I want to show you something

interesting. Have you ever seen someone

eat a pizza with chopsticks? Well, you're

going to see it for the first time here,

right on this video.

Prepare yourself, we are gonna make world

history. So I'm gonna cut

off a slice. Let's do a taste test,

do a taste test.

Here's the pizza.

You cook— I'm

tasting bread,

Tomato, a little bit of cheese. I didn't

get any ham or pepperoni on it, so,

um,

we got crispy crust, crispy crust,

um, we got some ham.

Okay, let's try a jalapeño. Jalapeño, I

don't know how to say it. Oh,

it's pretty good. Oh, spicy.

Yeah, spicy. Oh, it's very spicy.

Oh wow. Oh, it's really spicy. Bloody

hell. Bloody hell, that's spicy. Oh my

God, I only had a tiny one.

Did you see it? I only had a tiny

jalapeño. My mouth is burning.

Jesus Christ, that's hot. Oh, we are not

eating those. These are just— these are

from hell. That's so spicy.

Let's try another one.

Oh my God. Oh, oh,

now I've got hiccups.

Oh, hiccups! I don't feel great. I don't

feel too good. I think

the hiccups have stopped. Every time I

cough, I just start hiccupping.

That's so spicy. No wonder they called it

a Spicy Feast pizza. They're not joking

about that. So apart from the burning

peppers, it's pretty good. Not bad,

pretty good pizza.

Pepperoni.

That pizza is so spicy. The whole thing is

super spicy. There's the jalapeños,

then there's the pepperoni which is spicy,

and even the meat that's sprinkled on it

is all spicy. It's because it's called a

spicy meat feast pizza.

Failure. It tastes good, but the whole

thing's just so damn spicy. I don't mind

spicy food, but this is just on another

level. It's just even a tiny bite, it's

like burning.