Why I want to get back with my Ex Wife [-I3oyCrqNXg]

So I've been in Manchester now for 2

months and I've had absolutely no luck in

finding any girlfriends or any kind of

relationship, and I've even just given up

on the whole idea. And I don't even bother

with Tinder or dating apps. I don't even

bother to chat to the people I matched

with already because, to be honest, it

just feels like a waste of time and This

right now, my current life, is probably

the lowest point in my entire life. I've

never felt more miserable, alone, and

bored in my whole life. I just had this

stupid idea that if I came to Manchester

and I tried living in a city, maybe I'd

end up meeting someone and then something

would happen and I can move on to a new

stage in my life. But 2 months has passed

and nothing has happened. And I just feel

terrible, and I keep comparing my life

back in Japan when I was married and had

an actual good partner, comparing it to

now. It just feels like there's nothing

about my current life that I can honestly

say is better now compared to when I was

living in Japan. And I just kind of feel

really stupid for sacrificing and throwing

my marriage away when I had a pretty good

marriage and had a pretty good partner in

life. I don't know what I'm gaining

from making the decision to walk away

from the marriage. I feel like at the time

there were a few reasons why I wanted to

leave the marriage, why I wasn't happy in

the marriage, and those,

those reasons are just kind of stupid to

me right now. So the main 2 reasons I was

unhappy in the marriage were, number one,

I was worried that views were going down

and the channel was going to fail. Well,

the views went down and the channel failed

anyway, so it's not as if I can say,

well, yeah, I'm lonely and I lost my

marriage, but at least my channel is

booming again. At least my channel is

really successful. This is the worst my

channel has ever done in, in years. My

channel hasn't done this badly since

probably the beginning of 2018 before I

got that viral video. And I just don't

know what I can do to save the channel.

And I keep thinking right now that if I

stayed in Japan and even if the channel

failed, yeah, so what? The channel failed,

at least I'm still in Japan, I still got a

wife, I'm not alone and sad and miserable.

But now I'm alone, sad, and miserable,

and my channel failed as well. So it's

like bad, bad, and bad.

So the second reason that I wanted to

leave the marriage was at the time during

my peak popularity on YouTube, I was

getting a lot of female attention. And as

someone who never really had much female

attention in his life because I look like

this and I'm weird and I've got no

confidence, um, yeah,

having a lot of female attention was

something very new to me and something

that I couldn't resist the temptation of.

So I thought that leaving the marriage

would give me the ability to go around the

world meeting different female viewers or

fangirls, and then we could have a good

time, make content, the channel would

boom, and then everything would be great.

But that didn't happen either. So my

channel failed because I'm not really

doing anything anymore, and because the

channel failed, I don't have the female

attention anymore. Girls aren't interested

anymore. And they probably think I'm weird

and they wouldn't want to get involved

with me anyway. So even reason number 2,

I wasn't able to— well, I did get it a

little bit, didn't I, last year? But I

didn't manage to sustain it or keep it

going. So right now I'm sitting in a

position where the channel failed anyway

regardless of what I did, and now there's

no more female attention because the

channel failed and I've got You know,

I've lost my my internet fame, my internet

popularity. So I kind of have nothing

right now. All of the reasons why I wanted

to leave the marriage,

all the things I could get, all the things

I thought I could get by leaving the

marriage, I failed to get. I'm not

getting, and I probably won't be able to

get it. So I kind of think that I would

get back with my ex-wife if the

possibility was open. And you might be

thinking, oh no, Daniel, this is a

terrible idea. If you get back with your

ex-wife, you know, the same problems are

just going to happen. You're going to do

this, you're going to cheat, you're going

to fight again. And yeah, I can understand

why you might think that. But after the

years, after last year and after all the

experiences I've had, I really think I've

matured and changed as a person. Honestly

speaking, I don't think any of the

problems we had before would happen again.

So the main problems we had were we kept

fighting because I was saying stupid stuff

on Discord. Well, I haven't had a Discord

since May, and I feel completely fine not

having a Discord. I have no idea why back

then I was so against the idea of deleting

the Discord. Back then, even the idea of

deleting the Discord was completely

unthinkable. I was so addicted to Discord.

I would— I was on Discord all day long.

There was no way I could not have had a

Discord back then. But things are

different now. Um, I don't really feel

like I need Discord anymore. I finally

realized that the people on the Discord

did not have my best interests at heart.

I feel so silly that I was that addicted

to Discord and I couldn't stop myself from

saying really dumb stuff and hurtful

things about Chihiro all the time on

Discord. And now that I don't have the

Discord anymore, that's not really a

problem. And I feel like I've matured over

the years and I've managed to stop myself

from saying such stupid things on

livestreams as well. So the other problem

was I kept saying silly things on

livestreams trying to be funny. I kind

of realized that I wasn't very funny and I

was just saying rude and hurtful things

about people that upset them, and that was

kind of embarrassing. I don't know why I

was like that. I think it's because I

had all this attention when my channel

blew up, and then I felt like I wanted to

entertain people, and the best way to

entertain people, I thought, was to say

horrible things about my wife and other

people. Now I realize that's really

stupid, and I don't know why I did that.

I look back at my old streams from 2017

and '18, and I kind of, I kind of cringe,

and I feel embarrassed that I used to be

like that. I feel like I have changed

quite a lot since then, so I don't really

feel like the whole problem of me saying

stuff upsetting her and then having lots

of arguments, I don't really feel like

that would happen again. So the other

problem was cheating. I guess.

And I don't really feel like cheating

would be a problem again because like I

said earlier, now that my channel has

failed and I don't really have my internet

fame anymore, my popularity's gone, I

don't really have the female attention

that I used to have either. I don't have

dozens of girls in my DMs sending me

Nudes, so I don't really have

that temptation there anymore. And as I've

matured, my man drive has also slowed down

a bit. I'm not really that obsessed with

the idea of having you know what with a

bunch of random girls anymore. And after

trying out a bunch of random girls who

messaged me and trying to date a couple of

them, I've kind of also realized that

trying to date your viewers is not a great

idea. And maybe that's why most YouTubers

don't date their viewers, because it's

just a bad idea. I tried really hard last

year with that Dutch girl, Mila, and we

all know how that turned out. I just don't

think I'd be able to ever get some kind of

meaningful, stable long-term relationship

with a viewer because they're probably

going to be as unstable as I am if they're

like reaching out to me for a

relationship. That just seems like a bad

idea, like a recipe for disaster, and I

just haven't really had many good

experiences with hooking up with my

viewers or trying to date them. And

honestly, the marriage— Chihiro was a way

better partner in every single way than

any of these viewers I've met up or tried

to date. So I feel like I've learned

my lesson, you know. I've put my hand in

the fire, I got burned, I got a bad

experience, several bad experiences,

realized why it's bad and I don't

really want to do it anymore. To be

honest, the whole idea of traveling to

another country just to meet a girl on the

chance that she might have cereal with me

doesn't really sound that appealing to me

anymore after I've been catfished,

ghosted, trolled. I've had my time wasted

by so many girls. Came all the way to

Manchester, she wasn't even interested in

meeting me anymore. All these other girls

as well, just like leading me on trying to

get me to come to where they live and then

just ghosting me, or only messaging me

when I'm in a relationship, and then when

I'm finally single again and able to meet

them, all of a sudden they stop replying

to me anymore. So I've just had all these

bad experiences now that has kind of made

me bitter and jaded towards the whole

dating your viewers thing, and I

don't really feel like doing it anymore.

I don't want to go all the way to

different countries and travel thousands

of miles just to get trolled or ghosted or

catfished. It's not really fun, and the

risk— I'm starting to feel like the risk

is far outweighing the potential rewards

in that kind of situation. And I'd be

willing to, to do stuff like deleting my

Instagram because that's where pretty much

all the girls message me on. I don't

really want the Instagram. The only reason

I have the Instagram is so that girls

could message me. Apart from that, I don't

really care that much about uploading

photos. I'd be happy to delete the

Instagram or give her access to the

Instagram so she could always check my

messages, just so to make sure that

there's no secret messaging between me and

other girls going on. I would be willing

to sacrifice my own privacy to make

make sure she feels like the whole

cheating thing wouldn't happen again. And

you might be thinking, well, instead of

dating your viewers, why don't you just

like date a normal person? Well, I tried.

The problem with trying to date a normal

person is they end up finding my channel

just out of pure bad luck and randomness.

They find my channel and instantly they

get, you know, repelled and repulsed.

They don't want to have anything to do

with me anymore. And it's gone to the

point where I don't really feel like I can

keep my channel a secret for very long,

at least, especially if it's like an

English girl or a Western girl or even an

American girl. Even though my channel has

kind of failed now and fell off,

unfortunately, people still remember.

Even if my channel is, is dead now,

millions— it doesn't change the fact that

millions and millions of people have seen

it. From either the Elvis, the alien

videos, or my past viral videos, or back

when my channel was actually popular back

in 2018, people still remember what I look

like. Even if my channel gets completely

wiped off the internet, it's not going to

erase the memories of millions of people.

And the chances of some girl that I match

on a dating app has a friend or or a

friend of a friend of a friend who knows

my channel, knows my face, and then blows

my cover. The chances are just pretty

high. So in conclusion, I guess the main

thing to take away from this is the grass

may seem greener, but it usually never is.

And I just really didn't realize how great

things were back when I was married,

when I was actually married, in the, in

the moment. When I was in the moment,

when I was married then, I just kept

thinking, oh no, my channel's gonna fail,

I need to do some crazy drama thing to get

views up. Oh no, I, I've got all these

girls who like me, I want to go and meet

them. And now the views are gone and the

girls are gone and I feel sad and

miserable. I'm pretty depressed and I

really, really miss living in Japan

and I really miss Chihiro and I I realize

now that she was a really good partner,

and I probably won't find a partner as

good as she was ever again.

Sometimes I feel like this whole YouTube

channel has just been an entire— the whole

thing, the entire thing is just like a

massive curse. You know the whole

corrupter wish thing? You wish really,

really hard for something and then you get

it, but there's all of these like negative

things attached to it. And now I just feel

like blowing up on YouTube was probably

the worst thing that ever happened in my

life. And right now I don't really have

much to show for it. At least if I was

really famous and made like millions off

it, I could say, well, at least I'm rich

now, at least I'm set for life. I can't

say that. I didn't make that much money

off YouTube. And yeah,

I'm not rich, I didn't make millions, and

now I'm just suffering all the

consequences and the negative parts of it

whilst not really benefiting from any of

the good parts. I feel like if it wasn't

for the YouTube channel and my, my hunger

for views and cereal, then I could

have had a pretty happy married life back

in Japan. I could have had like no drama.

None of that drama would have happened if

it wasn't for the YouTube channel or the

Discord server or the girls messaging me

all the time. It's just kind of irritating

because how come all these girls were

messaging me when I was married and then

now I'm single, there's like nothing.

It's all gone. All the drama, all the

cheating, all of the bad stuff. None of

that would have happened if it wasn't for

this damn YouTube channel. And sometimes I

do feel like just deleting the whole

YouTube channel, but unfortunately it

still makes like $1,000 a month in passive

income, which I can't really live without.

Unfortunately, my stock trading and

investing career has not exactly taken

off, and without the YouTube income,

life would be very difficult. I feel like

there's probably only 2 main options:

either just delete the whole channel,

wipe everything, and just get a job, and

then don't rely on clicks for money, or

Try and control my lust for views and

my lust for cereal, and maybe that

would be a less destructive way of living.