why i gave up on my dreams to live in Japan [_2cm8ZnTmeU]

Ever since I was 17 or 18, I had this

dream, this really strong urge and desire

to one day be able to live in Japan. I

wanted to move there and get a job and

have my own place and make money and meet

the girl of my dreams and get married and

build a life and build a home and build a

family of my own in Japan. But after a

while, I realized this is really difficult

and is going to require so much effort.

And I guess along the way, I just

completely gave up on all of these dreams

and goals. I used to watch these

YouTubers, these J-vloggers, as they were

known back then, usually Americans who

moved to Japan and were living there for 5

or 10 years teaching English. And I used

to watch their daily vlogs of life in

Japan. I used to think, wow, this looks so

amazing, I want to be able to do that,

how do I do that? So I start learning

Japanese and watching anime to learn about

the culture, and I'm learning Japanese

basically every single day, 24 hours a

day, every single day for about 2 years.

I'm just obsessed with learning Japanese

and speaking Japanese and doing everything

in Japanese and also having Japanese

girlfriend. And then I go to Japan for the

first time in my life in 2010, and it was

amazing. It was everything I dreamed it

would be and expected it to be. I felt

like I was in a dream, like I wasn't

actually in reality. I had to pinch myself

sometimes to make sure it wasn't a dream

because I just— I fell so— I fell so in

love with the country the first time I

went there. And I was only there for 5

months just to get a taste of the country

and go to a Japanese language school to

get some experience speaking real Japanese

in a classroom. Classroom environment.

And I stayed at a guest house. It was full

of Japanese people and Westerners and

Americans, and I made a lot of friends.

And I probably had the best time in my

entire life at that guest house when I was

around 20, 21. And I honestly felt like I

never wanted to leave the guest house. I

wanted to live there forever and just

spend my whole life there because it was

so great. It was such a great experience.

And I had to leave Japan after about 5

months, and I was really sad to leave.

And I never felt more motivated and

enthusiastic about moving to Japan.

That was probably the most enthusiastic

and optimistic I've ever been in my whole

life. But things were going to go downhill

as I soon realized that the reality of

living and working in Japan is a lot

different to just having a very long

holiday in Japan where you're just hanging

around in a guest house, hanging out and

having a good time. So I went to Japan

again for the second time the next year.

This time I went on a working holiday visa

and I got myself a job at convenience

store, and I felt really smug about it

because most foreigners would go there and

teach English because they couldn't speak

very good Japanese. But because I spent so

much time learning Japanese, I was pretty

good at it, and I was able to get myself a

job where you had to be good at Japanese.

So I was kind of like very smug and

bragging about how I was able to get a job

where you needed such a high Japanese

ability instead of getting an English

teaching job like everyone else. But after

a while, I realized I really hated working

in Japan. It was so boring. I really hated

working at Lawson, the convenience store,

and I really sucked at my job to the point

where people got angry at me and told me

off, which led to me eventually quitting.

So I usually had problems with

understanding what the customers were

saying, usually old Japanese men who were

grumpy, and they kind of just mumbled and

didn't speak very clearly. So I had

problems understanding what they were

saying, and I had to ask them to repeat

themselves, and then they would get kind

of pissy and tut at me or roll their eyes

and just complain in general. And I found

that to be very anxiety-inducing. Almost

every single day, at least one or two

things would go wrong where I would have a

bad experience with a customer, and it

just really made me feel terrible. And I

really wanted to quit the job. I really

hated working there. For example, I'd make

a lot of mistakes, like I would put the

bento box into the microwave for too long,

and then I would accidentally not remove

the sauce sachet that's attached to it and

it would explode in the microwave. Or I

would forget how long do I put in onigiris

into the microwave for, and then I had to

ask people, how many seconds do I do this?

How many seconds do I heat this up? And

then they got annoyed because I kept

forgetting and I kept having to ask them

how to do things. Even 3 months later, I

was still asking them how to do stuff,

and then they got fed up and they took me

into the back room and they told me off.

They said to me, how come you've been

working here for 3 months, Daniel, and

you're still making all these mistakes?

You're not trying your hardest. If there's

something you don't understand, then just

ask us. But I didn't want to ask them too

much because I felt like they were getting

angry at me for asking too much. So I

ended up quitting the job after 3 months

because I just couldn't take it anymore.

I hated it so much. I was getting so, so

anxious every day going in there. There

were so many things about the job that I

really hated. Doing. Little things like

having to say irasshaimase every time a

customer comes in through the door. I

probably had to say that thousands of

times every day. It was really irritating.

And then this one time, this angry

construction worker came in who was like

very rough talking and rough looking

delinquents kind of guy. And he got mad at

me because my coworker was serving him.

So I didn't think he was talking to me,

but he was actually telling me to

microwave his sandwich. And I ignored him

because I didn't realize he was telling me

to do it. And then he got mad and started

yelling at me in very rough,

scary-sounding Yakuza kind of Japanese.

So that was kind of like the last straw.

And then on top of that, getting told off

by my boss in the back room just

completely annoyed me, and I decided to

quit the job. I didn't tell them I was

going to quit. I just didn't show up the

next day. And then I had 2 choices really.

Either I had to look for a new job because

I was broke back then, didn't have any

money, didn't have YouTube. I had to get a

job if I was going to stay in Japan or

just leave Japan. And after a while,

well, I did try to get another job. I got

another one at some kitchen, but I really

hated working there as well. I was a

dishwasher. They got me to clean dishes

and clean the kitchen, do a bit of food

prep, but I really hated it. I kept

messing up the food prep. They kept saying

I was too slow. So I ended up quitting the

kitchen job as well. And I just gave up on

the idea of looking for a new job because

I knew If I got a new job, the same

problems would just happen again. I would

be too slow. I'd make mistakes. I'd get

told off. I wouldn't really be very good

at the job because let's face it, jobs

suck and they're boring. And if

something's boring, I can't do it well.

People at the guesthouse kept trying to

encourage me. They kept saying, don't give

up, Daniel, you can do it, don't leave.

And they said, why don't you get a job

teaching English? But I couldn't get a job

teaching English because I didn't have a

bachelor's degree. I didn't go to

university and I didn't have any

qualifications or experience. To teach

English, but I did try to sign up to these

websites where you can offer private

one-on-one lessons, and I had a few

students. I did a couple lessons teaching

private lessons in Starbucks or

McDonald's, and I hated that as well. It

was really awkward. I went to the lesson,

I just kind of sat there, didn't know what

to do, didn't have a lesson prepared or

anything. I just kind of relied or hoped

that the Japanese student would come and

talk a lot and ask me a lot of questions.

But I had a few students where they would

just come and sit there and not really say

much, and then I had to try and get them

to talk. And I really hated doing that as

well, so I decided that wasn't really an

option either, and I gave up, decided to

leave Japan after 4 months even though I

had a 1-year working holiday visa. And I

went to South Korea and I lived with my

ex-girlfriend for a bit. So I left Japan

and then eventually left Korea as well and

went back to the UK. But I had still not

yet completely given up on the idea of

living in Japan, and I felt like I should

try and get a bachelor's degree and then I

can get a job teaching English and then be

like all of the J-vloggers that I used to

like watching. So I go back to the UK,

back home in 2013, and I decide to sign up

to a college and I sign up for a computer

science course. And they said if I

complete the course and get good grades,

I could then enter university and then

study for a bachelor's degree. So that was

what my plan was. But I didn't realize

computer science would be so incredibly

boring. I really like computers and tech

and gaming and that kind of stuff. So I

thought, okay, well, I'll be interested in

computer science then, won't I? But

computer science is really boring. It's

like learning about binary code and RAM

and hardware and hard drives and

motherboards and circuitry and how a

computer works. It's not really about

gaming or tech or playing around with cool

things. It was just really boring. And

also I felt really old because at the time

I was 24 and all the other kids in the

classroom were like 16, just finished

secondary school. Because you study

A-levels when you're 16 until you're 18,

it's a 2-year course, and then you go into

university. So I'm doing a course that's

for 16-year-olds when I'm 24, but the

teachers treat me like a kid and talk to

me like I'm a kid and talk to me in this

patronizing tone because I probably looked

very young. I mean, people say I look

young now, Imagine when I was 24, I

probably still looked like a 15-year-old

kid back then. So they didn't really treat

me like an adult. And I wanted to be

treated like an adult because I was an

adult, not a 16-year-old teenager. I

didn't like how I was talked to. I also

didn't really like the teachers because

they were so old. They were like

60-year-old grandpas with white hair. And

I was thinking, how could they possibly

know anything about the world of social

media and apps and tech and gaming? They

didn't even have electricity when they

were kids, probably. They were probably

born during 1945 or something. How do they

even know anything about the modern day of

technology? I thought the teachers would

be like 40-year-olds, 30-year-olds, still

kind of young, but not super young, kind

of like Mark Zuckerberg age. So I thought

it was really weird how these dinosaur

teachers were teaching computer science.

I just thought it was really bizarre.

They were probably using typewriters and

ink when they were kids, and now they're

teaching us how to code and program. The

latest social media websites and apps and

games. It didn't make any sense to me. So

after about 4 weeks going to this computer

science college course, I give up and I

quit the course. I tell my dad I'm

quitting again. He's disappointed and

upset because I just quit and give up

everything I do. And I decide at that

point I completely gave up on my dreams

and my idea of living in Japan and having

a job and being like all the Americans and

Westerners I met there who have been

living there for years. I just completely

gave up and I realized it's too difficult.

I can't get a bachelor's degree. I can't

even do 4 weeks at an A-level college

course. How am I going to do a 4-year

bachelor degree course where it's going to

cost £10,000 every year for tuition? So

the year is now 2013. I've now completely

given up on any idea or dream of living in

Japan permanently, and I think to myself

it's not so bad. I can still go there for

6 months and meet women and have a good

time and meet people and practice my

Japanese and date around. So my new goal

now is to just keep going back to Japan

every year for a maximum of 6 months, try

and date a Japanese woman, hopefully one

day finding one to get married with. And

maybe she's rich and she can look after me

and get me a spouse visa. And then for

money, I I still had no idea what I wanted

to do for money. I wanted to make money on

the internet doing something like selling

products on an eBay shop or translating

Japanese. Becoming a Japanese translator

was also one of my dreams for a while

because I thought that would be easy and I

could do it on the internet. So for the

next 4 or 5 years, I just keep going to

Japan every year, each year dating a

different Japanese woman, sometimes dating

several Japanese women in the same year.

Hoping that I'd find one to marry so I can

get a spouse visa. And then the funniest

thing is it actually happened. I managed

to find a woman on Tinder. We date, and

then she gets married with me and I get a

spouse visa. And then I think, wow, all my

dreams have come true. I'm now living in

Japan. I'm making money off the internet

thanks to YouTube. And for some reason,

I'm still not happy. I'm living in Japan

permanently, but I'm not happy. I'm

miserable after a year or two. And I

realized I don't actually want to live in

Japan long term because it's boring.

Trying to move to Japan and living there

permanently is too hard. You need a visa

and there's only a few visas available

unless you're like super rich like

PewDiePie and get an entertainer's visa,

which come on, let's face it, none of us

are going to be able to get that. So the

only reasonable visas you can think about

getting are the work visa. But to get the

work visa, you need a visa. I mean, you

need a degree to get a job and you most

likely be teaching English unless you've

got some kind of secondary skill like

computers or IT. Then you combine that

with your Japanese skill and then get a

job in IT. But then you need so many

qualifications and years and years of

training and university education, which

is going to be very expensive. And unless

you actually have passion for that,

you're not going to be able to do it.

You'll just get bored and give up. So you

need a work visa or you need a spouse

visa, and then you're married and you

don't really have freedom because then

you're like chained to a woman. You have

to obey her and make her happy. Or you can

get a student visa, but then you've got to

keep going to school every day, and that's

expensive, and it's only going to last

maybe a year or 2. So there's no way— as

someone who's not Japanese, there's no way

to live in Japan long term without being a

slave to either a woman, your wife,

a job, or going to a school. The most you

can do is stay there for 6 months without

a visa if you want to be truly independent

and free. But I don't want to do any of

the things you have to do to get a

long-term visa. I don't want to get a job.

I don't want to get married to a Japanese

woman again and not have the freedom that

I wanted. And I don't really want to go to

a school either because it's expensive,

and going to school Monday to Friday every

day just really sucks. I really hated

going to the Thai language school, and I

don't really want to do that again. I

think 6 months visa-free stay is long

enough and then I'll get bored. And then,

you know, I don't mind just going back

home to the UK for a bit and then coming

back to Japan and then going to a

different country, maybe Thailand or

somewhere in Asia for the year. And I

think that's okay. Not spending too long

in one country is fine by me, I guess. I

still feel kind of jealous or envious of

YouTubers that get to live in Japan

full-time and permanently and have a visa

and everything. But I'm just not willing

to put in the work and effort that they

did to be able to enjoy that privilege.

I've had a taste of living in Japan. I've

had a taste of working in Japan, and I

didn't like it. And to imagine having to

do that for decades and decades and

decades just sounds so soul-crushing. So

it probably is for the best that I give up

on these foolish ambitions to try and live

in Japan permanently. It's probably just

not going to happen if it hasn't already

happened by now.