I feel lonely and desperate

Hey, it's, it's me. It's me again.

I'm back. I didn't go anywhere. I'm afraid this video is going to be slightly negative. Because I feel kind of depressed right now.

I'm going to admit something. I'm lonely. I'm lonely as fuck. So if you saw my livestream earlier today, you would have seen me very excited, very happy, very upbeat because I had some good news. I was talking to this girl on Japan Cupid And

I was telling her about the guest house, how it can be lonely, and just out of the blue she said to me, do you want me to come over? We can watch a movie together. And my heart skipped a beat, a huge smile appeared on my face, and I said, wow, really? You'd come to my place so

we can watch a movie together? Are you sure? And she said, yes.

And she said she, she would want to stay the night as well. And I said, okay, but if you want to stay the night, you'll have to stay in my room. So if you don't mind staying in my room overnight with me, just the two of us, then that's fine. And she said, okay, she doesn't mind, she

would like to. She said she would pack her pajamas and we could watch a horror movie together. And I said, great, what time are you coming? She said 10 PM after she finishes work. So I woke up today and I started cleaning my room. I haven't cleaned my room for about 5 weeks now. Also, I haven't washed

my bedsheets or my pillowcase for 5 weeks, so I decided to go to the shopping center, buy a new set of bedsheets, buy a new pillowcase, buy a towel for her in case she needed one. I guess I could have just washed my bedsheet, but there wasn't enough time to wash it and then let it dry, so

I thought it would be a better idea to just go and buy a new one. I spent about $40

on bedsheets, a new pillowcase, and a towel for her.

Um, I waited until 10 PM and then I got a message from her and guess what? She cancelled. She said, I'm really sorry but we got really busy at work and I have to work tomorrow 4 AM in the morning. So she's going to stay overnight at her workplace. She couldn't come over to my place because there

wouldn't be enough time to get there at 4 AM. She wouldn't be able to get to work on time, so she's sleeping at her workplace right now.

I was just so excited because, come on, there's at least a 90% chance of cereal happening because she says that she just wants to come over and watch a movie, but she's not just gonna come over to my room and then watch a movie and then sleep over in my bed with me and not have anything happen.

Obviously something's gonna happen if we're sleeping together. I was so excited. I was looking forward to it so much because I feel really lonely right now. I feel so lonely that I would literally sleep with anything right now. That's female and is a human. She sent me about 20 pictures of herself. She looks pretty cute. Some of

the photos she looks really cute, and then some of the others she looks pretty average. So I'm guessing she really— her, her real appearance are the average photos.

But she has nice boobs. They look pretty big. I just— I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. I jinxed it by doing a livestream saying that I'm excited, by boasting about it, boasting about how I met this girl online and she's coming over to my room to watch movies and stay the night.

I was too overconfident and then I jinxed it and now look what happened. I should have said nothing. I shouldn't have made a livestream bragging about it. No. She said, can we change it to Friday? Can we watch a movie on Friday instead? And I said, okay, why not tomorrow? Why not Thursday night? She said she has

to work at 4 AM again in the morning. So I said, okay, we can do it on Friday, but

I'm not getting my hopes up because if I do that again, then I'm pretty sure she's gonna say on Friday as well. She's gonna say, sorry, I have to work again at 4 AM. Can't come over to your place. I bet you anything she's gonna change her mind again. I bet you anything she's gonna cancel again.

I guess you could say, Daniel, if you're feeling so lonely, why don't you just go downstairs and talk to people? Why don't you hang out with James? And the problem is the type of loneliness that I have can't be cured by James. It can't be cured just by talking to people. I want to be intimate with someone.

I want to be close with someone.

And it's hard to find someone who can give me that. You know that feeling when you're surrounded by hundreds of people and yet you still feel lonely? You still feel like you're all alone? What is that? I know I already have a girlfriend and I should have said no to this girl, but she's really cute and she

has really big boobs and she's, she's asking me if she can come over to my room to stay the night. How am I supposed to say no to that? Come on, I'm asking you guys, would any of you say no to her? Say no to a random girl you met online? If she asked you if she could

stay over at your place? That's like, that's like turning down a million dollars. When I'm with my girlfriend, I feel really bored. I don't feel stimulated. I don't feel lonely, but I feel really bored instead.

I either feel really lonely when I'm by myself, or I feel really bored when I'm with someone that I don't find interesting. When I go over to my girlfriend's place, we don't really do much. We just sit there watching TV. We don't talk a huge amount, and the sex is kind of meh. I'd rate it 5 out

of 10 at most. Also, I don't see her every day. I see her about once a week, and that's not enough for me. I need constant human company. Otherwise, I start to feel lonely and depressed, and I end up sleeping with someone else. When she first sent me that message saying that she was coming over to my

place to stay the night, I felt like something ignited inside of my chest, like a fire was started. I felt motivated, enthusiastic, energized, and And then I got the letter. I got her message. I got her letter. It sounds so old-fashioned. I got her letter in the post. No, I got a message from her. When I got

the message from her saying that she, she's canceling tonight, I felt like I died inside. I felt so depressed, like I nearly wanted to cry. I wanted to say all these horrible things to her, like, how could you cancel me? I, I I cleaned my room all day. I vacuumed. I tidied up my junk, my clothes. I

bought new bedsheets. I bought a new pillowcase. I bought a towel for you. How can you cancel? I wanted to make her feel guilty. I wanted to make her feel bad, but I decided that wouldn't be a good idea. Good idea. A good idea. What the fuck was that accent? I decided that wouldn't be a good idea,

and I said, I just said, no, that's okay. I just felt a bit disappointed, but I really had to suppress my, my feelings of irritation and disappointment so I didn't come across as being too desperate. But it's just so annoying when I think about it. She was supposed to be in my room right now. We were supposed

to be cuddling right now, watching a horror movie. I was supposed to be sniffing her hair right now. Thinking about how I should kiss her, thinking about if I should ask her if she wants to have sex with me. But nope, I'm walking around in this bloody park again, 5 weeks in a row, all by myself, talking

to my stupid LG G5, which is

pretty much the best smartphone in the world. Removable battery, SD card slot, wide-angle lens camera. Anyway, hopefully she won't cancel on Friday. What are the chances of her canceling 2 times in a row? But I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not gonna start getting too excited about it because when I do,

it usually, it usually leads to disappointment. I don't like being disappointed. It doesn't feel good. So I'm just gonna play it cool. It doesn't matter if she doesn't come. It's not the end of the world.

Is it? Please don't cancel. Please don't cancel. Please don't cancel. I sacrificed 5 years of my life for her not to cancel on Friday. Hold on, hold on. I have an interesting idea. I have an interesting question for you. What if you had this magic button where if you press the magic button, a beautiful naked girl will

just appear in your bed, but every time you press the button, you lose 2 years of your life, and the girl only remains in your bed for, let's say, 10 hours. After 10 hours, she just magically disappears. I don't think I would last. I don't think I would live past the age of 35 if I had that

button. No, no.