why i REGRET buying ELDEN RING

Elden Ring, the worst

game I ever played.

Is it working? Okay,

I've got 2 hours to play this

game. Testing,

testing.

Wait, is there sound?

Can you hear me?

Hello? Hello? Hello?

I think you can hear me.

Ahem. Okay.

I don't know what to pick.

I don't really care, to be honest.

I'll just choose this one.

Stupid idiot.

Finish. Okay, this game better be good.

Everyone keeps going on and on about it.

I bet it's rubbish.

Is this pre-recorded? No, you can't

pre-record a livestream. Why do people

keep asking that. Why would I pre-record

a livestream? If I was making a video, I

just upload it as a video, wouldn't I?

Why would I— why would I make a video and

then play it in a video player and then go

live and then start playing the— it's so

dumb. I just upload the video, wouldn't I?

Jesus, how'd you skip these dumb

cutscenes?

Oh, thank God you can skip the cutscene.

Wait, why is it black? Oh, I'm moving.

Oh, it's giving me a headache already.

Why the controls— controller controls?

Why does it say Y? How do I get rid of

this? I can't get rid of the stupid

tutorial thing.

Oh,

I can't get rid of that— the ring. I

don't— if I press Y, nothing happens. Oh,

I have to press E. Oh my God, why did it

tell me to press Y? Meant to press E.

Okay, so Y is— Y equals E when

you're playing on PC Master Race. Why does

it have controller controls when I'm

obviously on a computer?

Hit E and look up.

Hmm, the graphics do look quite Nice so

Xbox controls. Do you think this is better

with a controller? Because I've got an

Xbox controller. Well, what happened to my

camera?

I don't know how to set this up. I put the

game— for God's sake,

I'm trying to move the window. It won't

let me move the window of the game.

Oh, there we go, there we go. I got it, I

got it. Okay, now I can see the game and

the chat. That's nice.

Okay, this has 2 hours to impress me.

Otherwise I'm refunding it.

Why is the camera like that when you turn?

It's really weird, gives me a headache.

Okay, so that's attack, that's block.

What do I do? Touch the bloodstain.

Do I jump off this?

Read message. Oh, we're gonna go down

here.

I quite like the little yellow floaty

things. The little yellow leaves are

quite pretty.

When you press block, is it actually

delayed? Um, a little bit. Look, I'm

pressing it, you can hear the click. It

takes like half a second.

This game is the worst Dark Souls game

I've ever played as an avid fan of Dark

Souls games in general.

Why is there a boss right at the beginning

of the game? As if I'm gonna be able to

beat the— how do you roll? Oh, that's how

you roll. Okay, so I got rolling. I saw

Asmongold do this and he got 2-shot

killed. Are you even

supposed to be able to beat it? I don't

feel like you're supposed to be able to

beat it. I hate it in games when they make

you lose on purpose.

What happened now?

Why did you actually buy it? Because I

want to try it. What happened? Why is it

Has it crashed?

I think it's crashed. Oh no,

it was just loading. I thought—

what happened there? Okay, so yeah,

you're supposed to fail that boss, I

Can I

sprint? It feels like Lord

of the Rings, doesn't it?

Come on, open it.

I can't believe I got 30— 32,000 views on

my Elden Ring video in one day.

One day, Jesus Christ. You wait until a

week later, it's gonna be like 100K.

I started playing Hitman 3 today. It's

actually pretty good. I really like the

attention to detail in the Hitman 3 game.

You can zoom into the bottle of water on

And you can read the ingredients on the

back. I like the way you can drag bodies

around, make it like a corpse mountain,

or you can strip their clothing off.

Camera movement is a bit sus. Yeah, it

feels weird when it moves

around.

Treasure chest ahead. Where do I

go? How does it compare to Breath of

the Wild? Well, as an avid fan of Zelda

who played every single Zelda game, I have

to say this does not quite meet

my standards.

Key required. So I need a key.

Where's the key?

Multiplayer?

No, I don't

know what I'm supposed to do.

Uh, I hate it in games when they don't

make it obvious what you're supposed to

do. Why is this going up and down?

Has anyone else bought the game?

Oh, I got the key. It was £50.

I'm probably gonna make like £400 off my

video, so I guess I get the game for

free, basically. One of the perks of

being a games journalist, you pretty much

never have to pay for games ever again.

No stone sword— there's no stone sword

key. Where do I get it?

What's that ghost thing?

Oh,

I was hoping there'd be action straight

away.

Am I supposed to go up here?

I just don't see how this game's gonna be

better than New World. Do you remember New

World? At least that was online.

And an MMO.

This game seems like New World but

offline, and it looks more

dull. Oh, actually looks quite colorful.

Oh wow. I take that back, that's very

yellow. Oh, I like that. Oh,

this makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Oh look, it's glowing.

Probably look better if I played it full

screen.

We're getting a let's play from Yeah, I'm

now a video games journalist. No more

drama and no more incel talk.

Goodbye, toxic audience that I hated for

the previous 4 years. I don't need you

You are maidenless. Join the club.

Looks like I'm not the only incel. Even

the bloody character in this game's

maidenless. Play fullscreen? No,

I'm the main star of the show.

Looking for a single maiden.

Okay, so I guess this is the open world.

Looks okay, I guess.

Daniel forgetting the people who made him

who he is, but they all abandoned me. All

my new videos that were original Daniel

content get like 5K views now, so gotta

move on. Can't keep doing the same stuff.

Thoughts on— oh my god, is that a boss

Ah, so I hate about boss battles. It takes

ages to kill them. Look how

big his stupid health bar is. Just nearly

one-shot me.

This is like Zelda. Look, I'm already—

he's just two-shot me. That's so unfair.

They put this massive boss right at the

beginning. Instead of starting you off

with some simple mobs, it makes you fight

a stupid boss.

Oh my God, it put me back right here.

What?

Now I've got to go up this stupid elevator

thing again, which took ages.

It's so unfair the boss can kill you in 2

Have you never played Souls game before?

I haven't because of this. It just looks

annoying.

Surely there was a save point up there.

You're not telling me I have to go up and

down this stupid elevator every time I

die. That's just terrible game design.

Why isn't it moving?

I gotta press the middle bit.

Things I like about it, I quite like the

look of the armor. It looks very European

knightish. Maybe there's a save point.

Limgrave. But then if I die, don't I lose

stuff? Touch grace. I'd love

to touch grace. What does that do?

Exists to guide the tarnished and leave

them— lead them among the proper path.

The hell does that mean?

No character customization. There was, I

just, I just didn't do anything. Couldn't

be bothered. Where's the save point? I

don't want to keep restarting back down

there.

Avoid the first boss. Why'd they put the

bloody first boss right at the beginning?

A stupid game.

I nearly killed it. I took down maybe 15%

of its life. Okay, let's go this way.

I like the way it looks like Lord of the

Rings. I mean, it was— was the art also

designed by George R.R. Martin? George

R.R. Martin? It looks like Lord of the

Rings, doesn't it? I don't know why they

don't make Lord of the Rings games

anymore. I would love a modern Lord of the

Rings game. I like the way he looks like

a soldier of Gondor or someplace.

I don't know what

he looks like.

So what do I do? It's not telling me what

to do. I don't have a quest. It's not

telling me where to go. Do I just go where

I want to go? No game

audio. I turned the volume down, I don't

want to get copyright stuff.

So I take it the main reason people love

this game is because of exploration,

but is exploration really that fun. It's a

game, it's not real. You're just

running around in a virtual landscape. If

it's real life, then maybe it'd be fun.

Flight's Pinion and a foot.

Have to explore and find bosses. Oh,

is that another boss? How many bloody

bosses are in this starting zone?

Okay, let's see if I can fight this one.

How do I lock the camera onto it? Oh,

middle mouse button click.

Oh, what? He doesn't move

when I tell him to move.

This one's not too strong,

maybe. Don't I have special

attacks or anything?

Did I die again?

I don't like this.

My finger hurts. This is a stupid game,

isn't it? Why does everything

kill you in 2 shots?

Don't I have any special abilities?

Take off some armor, but then when I get

one-shot— I'm starting here

again. That's fine. Great. In this

starting zone, they put 2 bosses.

And why can't he sprint?

Focus on smaller mobs. There aren't any.

Wow, I'm lagging.

My system can't handle it.

Let's see if there's some weaker

mobs.

How does he climb up stuff? He can't even

jump. Oh, you can

press F. Are these mobs— are they

gonna fight me? Oh, they are. Oh, that's

more like it.

Stupid thing. I hate

these tooltips. Okay,

finally killed stuff.

Um, so what did that do? Do I get points

or anything? Oops, I accidentally used the

potion. Oh, that's my map. I don't want

Why does G open the map and not M?

Oh crap, I wasted my potion. Isn't there

an inventory? I does nothing.

Z crouches.

I really don't know if I want to spend £50

on this if it's just gonna make me angry.

I play games to have fun. Hitman 3 is way

better. On Hitman 3, you can pick

up kitchen knives and stuff and

assassinate people, drag them into the

toilet, and then strip them. But you can't

do that on this game. Oh look, a human.

Do a hitman assassinate. How do I crouch?

Oh, X. I like

these soldiers. I saw these ones quite a

lot. Oh, I thought he was going to do a

stab. Oh, this game's easy now.

Can I drag the body? I can kick them

around. I like it when they let you do

that. I like it in games when they let you

mess with the corpse. That's nice. I don't

like it in games when they just make the

corpse a static object.

Oh, look at these soldiers here.

Can I take his sword? I want his big

Hmm, so far I'm not really that impressed.

It just feels like a pretty bog-standard

third-person action

game. I've seen this guy on other people's

videos. He looks quite tough.

Do I have a controller to play? Yeah,

I've got an Xbox controller. I don't like

controllers.

Oh, come on, I rolled out that! How did he

He's not moving when I tell him to.

Oh my God.

See, don't like it. Where's my potion?

I think I drank all my potions. Oh,

there. It takes so long to

do the stuff that you tell him to do, and

I can't take the guy's weapon.

See what's in here. The camera's so

weird when it moves.

What's this guy doing? Don't I have any

special moves, or I'm just gonna spam left

mouse button the whole time? Oh, oh,

that's the boss I saw another— oh my god,

there's— oh, what? Why is there so many?

I didn't know there's gonna be so many.

Can he climb up stuff? Oh, he can't even

climb up surfaces.

I thought he can climb up. He can't.

Cling onto edges. I'm gonna die.

Oh, that's rubbish. He can't catch

onto the edge and then pull himself up.

I never understood the appeal of Dark

Souls. Games. The combat always

looks really bare-bones

and annoying.

Yeah, I don't know if I want to waste £50

on this. Am I worried about Ukraine

attack? Not really, because historically

Stocks go up during war, and Buffett says

that during war the best place to have

your money is in stocks. It says Buffett

warns against hoarding cash or gold during

war. And if a war outbreaks— breaks out,

then you want your money in stocks because

the dollar and currencies, they lose their

value during war. That's why things start

getting more expensive. So I bought

Bank of America today.

I bought about $1,500 of Bank

of America. Gonna buy more tomorrow. I

feel like bank stocks could be a good buy

right now because they've pulled back

quite a lot, and there's gonna be an FOMC

meeting where they're gonna talk about

interest rates. Rates, and they haven't

even started hiking the interest rates

yet. And when they do, I think bank stocks

might go up. So that's

what I think, which means probably the

opposite is going to happen. The news

is saying that Russia is going to take

Kiev in a matter of hours. Really? What

happens to the Ukrainian army? What are

they doing? I feel like

it's kind of lame. NATO, America, no one's

gonna help them and just let Russia walk

in, do what they want. What's the point

having the biggest, strongest military in

the world when you're not even gonna use

it? America says, oh, we can't send more

to Europe because we're trying to con—

constrain China, focusing on Asia.

Oh, okay, where's the bloody NATO then?

Where's the British Empire?

We kicked Tsar Nicholas's backside in

Crimea back in 1853. Well, we can do it

again.

Send in the Gurkhas and the Indian

East Company. Send in the Redcoats,

the Scottish Brigade. Send in the Light

Brigade, that'll scare him off.

British are coming. Why don't they wear

the redcoats anymore? I like them,

the big tall fluffy hat. God,

this game's so freaking boring. Jesus

Christ, people think I was trolling in my

review video.

I'm not trolling. This game's honestly so

bloody boring.

Diversify my holdings. Well, I'm not gonna

buy oil stocks now, they're at all-time

highs. Although they might go high— oh my

god, there's 3 of them. Oh my— what?

Another boss? Are you— fuck off!

Oh my— no.

Do you get to take his sword if you kill

him? Why everywhere I go there's a bloody

boss and

I do no damage? Come on then.

Attack me. I'll try rolling out of the

way. Is he attacking? I can't tell what

he's doing. He looks like he's winding up.

This is like Attack on Titan. Oh, I get

2-shot here. 2-shot! Get up,

stupid idiot. I can't

tell when he's gonna attack.

I can't tell how far away he is from me

from this camera angle.

Okay, dodge that and dodge that.

Oh my god, this game is so rubbish.

Steak of Marika.

Are you still in the refund time period?

It's been 30 minutes. Let me check Steam.

Played 40 minutes, so I'm lagging behind

10 minutes on the stream.

So it took me 10 minutes to set it up.

People think I'm clickbaiting. I mean, I

am clickbaiting, but people think I'm

trolling with how I hate on popular stuff.

I genuinely hate the popular stuff that

comes out. I haven't liked any of it.

I just hate everything naturally.

And you can't even like hug the wall like

you can in Hitman. Can I do a stealth— oh

my god, there's so many of them. Can I

just hack and slash them all? I kind of

can hack and slash.

I'm dead again. How do

I heal? What's— is it R?

Oh my god. So anything you like?

I quite like Hitman currently.

I like the way you just have complete

freedom how you approach the mission. You

just get a whole map and then you can just

do what you want. You can go straight for

the target, you can find side quests,

you can be sneaky, or you can be

I don't know if I want to play this

properly. Maybe I'll enjoy it more if I

don't stream and I just take it slow.

It's just so far I don't see what the

It's just really basic melee combat.

It doesn't feel good either. I would

understand why it's so hyped up if the

game felt good to play. It just feels

annoying.

The great thing about Xbox Gaming Pass is

you can play any game you want for free

apart from the monthly subscription. So I

didn't even play— I didn't even pay for

Hitman 3. I just get to play it as a

member. £8 a month and I get to play all

these AAA games. How is Steam competing

against Xbox Pass. If Xbox Pass can get

Elden Ring, that'd be great, but then I

feel like the game companies are losing a

lot of money because instead of getting me

to pay £30 or £40 for Hitman, I'm paying

nothing apart from Xbox sub fee.

When he sprints, it's really weird.

I'm dead again.

Hmm, am I playing with mouse and keyboard?

Yeah, well, how am I supposed to play it?

Oh no, I'm getting hunched. I need to

Straight gamer back. I don't want to get

hunched gamer back.

When you explore and find rare items,

become stronger. Yeah, I can see how it

might be addictive like that when you get

new items and then you feel more and more

powerful. I feel like having a bow would

be a lot easier.

Okay, let's try and take out this base.

What's he doing?

I want to be like a tank with a big

shield so I can take hits. 'Cause I

suck at rolling.

Can't I loot? Oh, I can loot him. Oh,

look at him spread his legs for me. Yes,

baby. Can you imagine how sweaty and

stinky he must be under that chainmail?

Be wary of Enemy. Oh wow, thanks so much

for the warning. What's the point of that?

How do I

sneak? Oh, it's X. How do I do a sneak

attack? Q, E,

F. Oh no, no, not F. F's jump. How'd you

do that backstab? I saw other people do

Smoldering butterfly.

Oh,

stupid. Well, get that stupid butterfly

out of the way. I can't see. Oh, I can't

see. Oh my god, I can't get that butterfly

out of the way.

Is he online? I'd love to see an invasion.

What is an invasion?

Those are messages from other players.

Oh, what, like Death Stranding? You can

leave a message. Is it like Death

Stranding where You can't see the other

online players, but they're in the same

area. Why don't they just write

stuff like, you suck, noob?

Come on, attack!

What's that yellow thing that flies out?

So weird. Why are you allowed

to kick them around like that?

And do the enemies keep respawning? Is

there even any point trying to wipe out

this camp? And are

they alive or are they zombies? I don't

understand.

I don't like it.

I, I feel like I'm too lazy

to be able to enjoy it. I get bored

really quickly.

The wolf is on you. What?

Who's that?

I don't understand what I'm supposed to

do. There's like a marker thing here.

What is the story?

I remember trying Sekiro and I hated that

as well. Annoying combat system.

As an avid fan of video games,

unfortunately this game is not up to my

Sometimes I feel a bit sad that I don't

enjoy the things everyone else seems to

enjoy. You see people enjoy games so much

and I wish I was like that. I just hate

everything. Hate my life.

Who's that?

Oh my God, they look like

the old goblin things on Lord of the

Rings. I'm doing quite well

here.

Oh, what? I rolled that.

No, I don't like this.

Look up anhedonia.

I wonder if I get views on this stream.

Obviously I'm not getting it during the

stream. Very weird how the algorithm

works. I can make a clickbait title of

Elden Ring, get 30k views, but then I can

stream Elden Ring and obviously No

one from the video is here,

and I don't even have 100 viewers, which

means not even half the people I usually

get on streams are here, which is why

I never stream games.

Yeah, I'm definitely refunding this. I

thought maybe I could get into this and

make like 10 videos about how to do this

and how to do that. I want to be like one

of those channels where they make 100

videos about one game, but I just

can never get any good at any one game to

be able to do those.

Videos. Oh yeah, I should put gameplay in

the description or something. I think

maybe because I didn't put any tags. I

don't really Oh,

did I get a donation? I wasn't even

looking.

Where is it?

You only get 50 viewers. Yeah,

see, that's why I never stream games.

You see why I'm so bored of doing YouTube?

Because I can't actually do anything fun

if I want to maintain viewership.

People would rather watch me sit here

whining about women,

but then as soon as I start talking about

stocks or do some trading, play a game,

I lose everyone.

Oh yeah, I need to drink.

What do I do with this fruit?

HMR content is best. But what is HMR

content? When I get a girl and then I talk

about how annoying she is after I fucked

Is that all my content was? Or when I talk

about how bored and lonely I am?

Oh, thanks, Mark. Talk about drama while

playing a game. The thing is, I don't have

any drama. I honestly don't

have any real drama.

Let me think. Well, I am chatting to

this girl recently. She seems quite

nice and she seems to like me.

I forgot what country she lives in.

Turkey or something.

I'm just gonna die again in here. Oh,

that giant thing's up there.

So what game's coming out soon? I need to

get my views up again. Well, really I

don't. My views are up so much this month.

My views haven't been this high since

Probably 2020. My views in

2021 were never this high. I can't

believe I'm getting like 90k, 70k views on

videos now. I thought I'd never see the

day that I see those numbers again. I

thought I would need Chihiro back again.

Who would have known that all I had to do

was talk about why some popular trending

thing is rubbish?

New games don't come out every week.

Well, they nearly do. There's Gran Turismo

7 coming out March 4th.

Um, what else coming out? Kirby Forgotten

Land.

Anything else in February?

Warhammer video kind of flopped, didn't

I didn't even see him wind up that attack.

Is this a boss? I can't even

move.

Why is there a photo of you in a hijab?

What photo is it? When I was a kid? I

don't know how people found that photo.

If it's that photo, it's because I've got

Malaysian relatives who are Muslim,

and they— I think I tried it on.

Yeah, this game sucks. I'm not having any

Do you really have an ex-wife? Yeah,

I used to be married in Japan. That's

basically why I've got 109K subs. Because

I used to be pretty famous when I was in

Japan. I met Elvis the alien, but then

I ended up cheating on her like 20 billion

times and I made content out of it,

which made people hate me.

You just don't like soul games. I know, I

thought I wouldn't like it because I've

seen people play them before and And they

always look so slow and boring and

TQO Sam ranted about me. What did he say?

He rants about everyone.

TQO Sam believes that I need a good strong

group of male friends.

Then I'll be happy.

I don't know, having male friends really

that great?

What are these?

What is a game you genuinely enjoy? I

quite enjoyed Hitman 3, started playing it

today. What are these?

Either it's too easy where— look, look at

these, they're so easy, they don't even

move. It's either too easy or it's too

difficult.

And the combat in this just seems really

basic, like you just spam a basic attack

over and over. In Hitman 3, you've got all

these different weapons just lying around.

What's that skull?

I feel like the Pokémon Arceus would be

more fun than this.

Why are these birds just sitting there?

I need to dodged off the cliff. Can I

go down there? Oh, another giant. I really

want to kill a giant and see what happens.

Do I get anything good?

Low replayability? Are you sure? Because I

feel like they've made an effort to make

it so you want to replay the same levels

over and over. There's lots of different

achievements, and when you finish the same

level once then you unlock like a

different starting area.

But it's just so easy to just go in there

and murder everyone.

The only reason not to just murder

everyone is because it's more fun trying

to sneak around and listening in on the

conversations.

You're fat rolling. Well, how do I take my

clothing off? Get naked. I can't find out

how to get the inventory. Shift+Tab.

Escape. Oh, Escape.

Inventory.

Um, I hate having to fish. Figure out a

new inventory system. Where's my armor?

I don't see any. I see weapons.

Oh, I got a halberd. How do I use it?

He's not using it.

I want a different weapon.

Where's it gone? Halberd.

What?

What's that little sign in the top left

corner? How do I use

it?

Leave selected. What does that mean?

Leave it? Leave it where? Oh,

where's it gone now? Switch to your second

weapon slot. Switch display. Switch view.

It's gone grayed out now.

Oh my God, even changing a weapon is a

pain in the back. Oh, oh, what's this?

Equipment. Halberd.

He's still not equipping it.

I can't drag it. Equip.

So I've equipped it. Now how do I use it?

It was already equipped. Then how do I get

It's just so annoying. I have opened the

map. I can't get out of the map now.

Pouch gestures.

Inventory equipment.

Oh, oh, oh, I got it! Oh look,

I got a big stick now. Okay, maybe this is

more fun.

Are you playing mouse and keyboard? Yeah,

because I'm a PC gamer.

Imagine using a controller on a PC.

It's like using manual

drive on a tractor.

Okay, maybe it's more fun with a halberd.

Oh, what's that thing there? Donkey.

Oh no, I think I saw this on someone

else's video. There's like an evil guy.

Church of Ella. Is that Father Christmas?

Talk.

Oh, it's like a shop. No, I don't want to

buy anything. Oh, look at this,

they've got different armor and stuff you

can buy. No, go away. How do I get rid of

this screen? Oh, there you go. No.

Yes. Okay, stupid tooltips keep

coming up. Pick up item.

No, I don't want to do that.

I don't see how a controller would make

things easier. Keyboard and mouse is way

Sheep.

Oh, 111! Oh, I got 111

damage. Okay, let's test out my new

Can I do a heavy attack? Why is there only

one attack? You can't even hold it down to

do a heavy attack. At least in Witcher

3 you had combos and stuff.

Whoops.

Oh no,

you can do a jump attack.

Oh yeah,

can make halberd 2-handed.

Yeah, I guess I don't need this shield,

but he's not using his second hand.

How do I do 2-handed?

Equip, remove, switch display.

What does that do? He's just

using one hand.

He's not aiming at the enemy. Now I can't

block. Oh, he's punching

with his hand now.

How long we got? I think I've only played

an hour.

Oh no, I forgot I can't block now. I

should have kept the shield.

Oh no,

oh no, no. Drink, drink,

drink. What's he doing?

Hmm, maybe I should put the shield back

Where's my shield? Oh, now he's got a

shield on his right arm. What?

Oh, can I do sword and the halberd at the

same time? Oh, you can't.

Why can't I put the shield back on now?

This game.

It's extremely lacking in luster.

Wow, one shot killed the dog. Oh, there's

I sense you're enjoying it more.

Can I take them all on?

I don't know about that. Maybe I'm

getting used to it.

He's not drinking his potion. Oh, he

Oh, one left. Oh, I nearly killed all of

I just would rather play Hitman and

not have to pay £50.

Maybe I'm missing out a lot by not having

the sound on and not having it fullscreen.

Maybe half the fun of the game is the

atmosphere and the feeling.

I don't really play games for atmosphere,

to be honest. If I

want atmosphere, I'll put a movie on while

I look out the window.

Atmosphere is usually the last thing I

care about. The main important thing is if

the game is fun and makes

hours go by. Whilst I wait for Japan to

The game has no sound. Yeah,

such a bad game, they didn't even bother

to put sound in it.

Okay, what am I supposed to do? I don't

All this hype. I can't believe how much

hype has been around this game.

It just feels like every time there's huge

hype around the game, the game's always

disappointing. But how did they not

see me? Walk around here.

I can't do anything.

Oh my God, a soldier helm! Can I

wear it? Oh, I can!

Look at my face,

so handsome.

Oh, I clicked off the edge. Oh, what? I

keep clicking off the edge of the screen.

Oh, now there's 12 of them.

Let's see if I can win.

Yeah, this sucks.

This really sucks.

I think I've decided— I think

I've decided that I don't want to pay for

Hmm, I kind of wanted to like it.

Maybe I'll wait until it comes down in

price and give it another try.

I think I'm gonna go to bed now.

The combat's so boring. You just spam

and dodge.

People are raving on about the combat as

if it's so revolutionary.

I think New World had better combat than

this. I, I enjoyed the combat

in New World so much more than I'm

enjoying this.

And New World had dodging and blocking as

well. It just felt responsive and fluid.

This is so slow.

Oh my goodness.

I can just imagine how frustrating the

actual bosses must be.

Imagine you're fighting the boss and

you've been fighting it for half an hour.

Because it's got 10,000 hit points, and

then you're right down to the last 100 hit

points, and then you have bad luck and you

get hit. You gotta start the whole thing

from the beginning. I would just rage.

I would rage quit so hard.

I don't even want to get into this type of

game.

Okay, so I've got 1 hour

left. I might end the stream and then

play it on my own for a bit just to see if

I can change my mind with

the sound on and stuff. You can't even—

it doesn't even dodge when I tell him to.

Dodge. How did you get this game early?

Cuz I'm a professional games journalist.

My dad works for Sony and my brother works

in Nintendo. Got connections.

My uncle is Hideo Kojima.

Can you see the resemblance?

Oh my God, I'm gonna die.

He doesn't— I— oh my Are my reactions—

I can't even press. I'm reacting as soon

as I see him attack. The dodge takes

forever.

Okay, I can't, I can't

react fast enough.

No, this game sucks. I don't like it.

Oh, you see how messy my bedroom is?

How many times did I die? I died more

times than I have viewers.

Ah, try one more time.

I should have chosen a ranged class,

maybe.

What happened to my Discord? What do you

Nothing happened to How

was your cereal last time? It was like

swimming in an ocean of flesh.

It was like getting on top of one of those

bouncy exercise balls and

riding the waves.

It's like being on top of a massive water

Oh God, the Sucks so much. I can't even

hit them.

Dynasty Warriors is better than this.

What a load of rubbish.

Very disappointing.

This isn't a hack-and-slash game, but they

just stand around doing nothing. Look at

this guy with his axe. What's he doing?

Well, if I just stand there— oh, I either

dodge too slow or too fast.

Oh wait, why is he dodged then?

Look, you can hear me when I'm pressing

the spacebar. Oh my

god,

he doesn't dodge when I tell him to dodge.

Exactly what I said in my review.

I think the atmosphere in Hitman's way

more interesting.

I played the, the Dartmoor Manor level

on Hitman 3, and it was just so cool

exploring the manor. And pretending

to be a maid walking around the, the

inside of the house and stuff, finding

little secret rooms, hacking the laptop.

I think I just prefer modern games instead

of fantasy kind of games.

Oh, I dodged that one. But it just felt

so delayed. I press it and then a second

later he does the move.

So I just cannot dedicate myself to any

one game and become like a massive nerd

about it. Those people were insane,

and they find out every nook and cranny of

a game. Don't they get bored? I'm already

bored. Can you imagine really

loving this game and then you just

non-stop play it and then you find out

everything about the game, every secret?

It looks fun being them, but I just— I

can't do it.

Dodge. How do I change target?

Okay,

it'll be funny if they hit each other by

accident. Oh, I did kill him.

Move! I can't— yes! Wow, I took them

all on. Drink up.

Is there any good loot in

here? Why am I attacking this place in the

Oh, there's like a dungeon. Let's go down

there.

I'm scared. Oh,

I got a chest.

Adding skills with a whetstone knife. You

can use ashes of war.

Adding affinities.

Ash of War Storm Stomp.

And I got a knife. Okay, how do I use

that?

Am I running it with the 1060? No, this is

the RTX. Can't you hear the laptop fan?

Maybe you can't really hear very loudly.

Okay, how do I try out this new ability

Message: no

shit ahead. Inventory: ashes.

Where's that ability I got? Whetstone can

add new battle arts and affinities. How?

What was that? Oh,

tips status.

The menu looks so ugly as well. It's all

brown and gold yellow looking.

I'm getting tired.

Back hurts. Go to the campfire.

Okay,

I mean, the game look— looks kind of nice,

I have to say. I like the art style.

I'm gonna die again.

He's not moving.

Come on, heal, heal, heal! No,

no,

take off

the armor.

How long are you into? About an hour, I

think. How long have I played it? 56

Inventory. Okay, how do I No

helmet. Oh, I can take it off.

Oh, he's gonna be naked. I like my armor,

it looks cool. Now he looks stupid.

It just looks like some crappy MMO now.

Like some cheap MMO that came out Korea.

It still feels the same.

It just— it feels like he's dodging

further.

Wow, I'm so handsome.

Put the armor back on, he looks dumb.

Wait, where is it? Oh, there it is.

Vagabond.

Figure out how to make halberd 2-handed.

How? You tell me.

Switch view, remove.

Look at the controls,

key bindings.

Switch right-hand armament. Armament.

What's that? Right arrow key?

Shift and middle button?

Oh, right-hand and two-handed armament.

Left mouse button?

I don't get it.

Yes. Oh, he does do a heavy attack.

Well, I've got to hold Shift. When he—

when he— when you hold Shift, he does like

a heavy— it's so slow

Oh, that's pretty cool actually. It also

stuns them a little bit.

So Shift does stuff as well. Oh my, where

It's really hard to put it off.

I can't, it's too slow.

Move, move, move.

No, it's too hard.

I'm very disappointed my, my sleeper train

video only got 5K views.

See, I'm just not gonna do travel videos

anymore. They, they never get—

well, I wouldn't say never, but they take

a long time if they ever do get picked up

in the algorithm. Takes like 2 years.

Why would I do that instead of just making

a video about a trending topic?

I spent $400 on that sleeper train. You

know how much I made from the video and

the stream? About $50.

At least I saved 10% off the ticket, I

guess. Not worth it.

No,

Shift middle mouse button. Let me try.

I found that you can't really clickbait

travel videos cuz travel is never

trending. No, Shift middle mouse does

nothing.

Oh, Shift right mouse button does

like a running thing. Yeah,

I think I'm just going to give up on

travel stuff because it never goes

trending, it never gets search results.

It's easier to do video game stuff.

Oh yeah, it barely does any damage.

I punched him by accident.

I'm gonna dodge this. Oh, come on, I

pressed dodge. Oh, he doesn't move.

Oh, killed him.

Black Desert Online, isn't that an old

game? It's funny because I actually did a

Why I Hate Elden Ring video on my second

channel a couple months ago, but it only

got 2K views.

But then I made my recent one, they got

30— has like 34K views now in the

Wow, it's got 35K views. In one day.

Jesus.

I still don't know the CPM.

Hopefully it gets a $3 CPM, then I'll

get $100 for 30K. Probably gets like 100K

views, I reckon. Horizon New Forbidden

Dawn, whatever the fuck it's called, has

like 80K views now. I made $300

off that video.

I think it's time to finish.

What should I do tomorrow? I've got no

videos planned, got no dates.

Is it good? Um, I haven't

really been impressed so far.

The combat is not very fun.

The landscape is quite pretty,

but it's a bit flat looking.

On the surface level, it has visual

attractiveness,

but once you penetrate deeper, you realize

it is fairly flat and uninspired,

like my ex-girlfriend.

Oh, another boss is gonna 2-shot kill me.

Stupid goat. Oh, why is the goat doing a

roly-poly? That was weird.

Am I chatting to 2 Tinder

girls? I'm chatting to one Filipino girl

who lives in London, and that's it really.

No one on Tinder is replying.

What's in this box of bricks?

You're hard to satisfy. Yes, I have high

standards in my games and women.

The thing I hate most is the way you can't

jump And then cling on to stuff. Look,

don't you just really want to cling on to

the edge and pull yourself up?

Why is this goat attacking me now?

Oh, what? Why did the cameras switch?

Oh, I killed his goat. I can't remember

how to do charge thing. Oh no, why is

there a goat attacking? Fuck off! Oh my

God. Oh, I nearly killed this guy.

Stupid goat kept attacking me.

Oh, thanks, Jenkins.

Kingdom Come: Deliverance. Yeah, I really

like that game as well. I actually

finished the whole game. I don't know why

I really enjoyed Kingdom Come but I don't

enjoy this.

Kingdom Come also had like a very

slow-paced, not really hack-and-slash

gameplay,

but I really like the story and the

characters. The characters really drew me

in on Kingdom Come. So this one just has

no characters so far. You're this guy who

never talks, has no personality. There's

no real story that I can see so far, or it

hasn't shown me any story. Kingdom Come

had a great story,

and I really like the environment, and it

was really nice. It reminded me of the

mountains of Germany that I went to with

my ex-girlfriend Mila. Being in those— is

it in Hungary? Those Hungarian mountains

and forests in that medieval setting

reminded me when I went to Heidelberg and

Wildbad, Bad Wildbad.

Just brought back all these memories.

I really like— oh, what the The fuck is

that? Yeah, as if I'm gonna be able to

kill this dragon.

I'm doing some damage. Poke its

bum. Stick it up its bumhole.

I can't even see what's happening. Is this

Skyrim now?

I like the way in Kingdom Come you can

bang so many women. I banged the Lord of

Helmgaard or whatever that fortress is

called. I banged his wife in his bed,

then I banged Stephanie. I also banged

that peasant girl.

Yeah, I like Kingdom Come. I don't really

like this. I really hate fighting against

massive monsters like this. I like

fighting against humans. I feel really

bored fighting monsters and zombies and

weird stuff, but I really enjoy killing

people.

Oh, thanks Jenkins. Yes,

Godfather. They can make a second Kingdom

Come.

I like Witcher 3 more than this because I

even finished Witcher 3 because the story

and the characters were interesting.

So far this has no characters apart from

weird random NPCs in buildings.

Flying Dragon Agil.

It's cool how the trees get knocked down.

This reminds me of Monster Hunter. I hated

Monster Hunter as well.

Yeah, I don't like this game. I think I'm