[2024-11-03] why I'm sad and alone (not clickbait) [ZLAtAyIiTII]

Testing.

Okay.

Okay, so today I'm doing a

4-hour stream because

I actually had a really good day today.

I went to my workplace and then they sent

me home because there was nothing to do,

but I still got paid.

That's why I'm back early, ready to

stream. I clickbaited and not clickbait

because I'm not sad. I'm actually pretty

happy. Got paid £58 for

basically doing nothing.

Isn't that good? Now I can stream, make

extra money on top of that. Apart from

this one stupid woman at the

supermarket pissed me off. Who's that in

that driveway? The hell?

Using my driveway to do a U-turn?

How rude.

Oh, this stupid old English woman at the

supermarket was so annoying. You know, at

the supermarket, I don't know why, but in

UK supermarkets, they've got this stupid

gate thing. What is the point of it? It's

so annoying. Do you have this where you're

from or in other supermarkets? The

supermarket me and my mum go to, they got

this gate system and it's got like a

sensor, so when you get near to it, it

opens.

But when I was trying to go in, there was

a woman on the other side trying to come

out, so I stopped to let her come

out, but she also stopped to let me go in,

so I thought, okay, she's stopping, so I'm

just gonna go in. So I go in and

And I'm like looking at— looking the other

way. And then she goes, thank you,

like in this stupid, sarcastic,

passive-aggressive way. Like she's pissed

because I didn't say thank you. So I

quickly go, thank you. So annoying.

Sometimes I get so annoyed with English

people and the please and thank you all

the fucking time. I don't want to say

thank you. I do not thank you.

I let you through. I gave way to you, but

you didn't take the opportunity to come

through when I let you through. So I do

not thank you. But she obviously wanted a

thank you. That's why she went, thank you,

in a stupid idiot tone.

One thing I miss about Japan is people

don't really say thank you. They do like

the little head nod. So I did the little

head nod, but it doesn't work in the UK.

Uh, one thing I miss about Japan is the

head nod, because you can say thanks or

whatever without having to say thanks.

You just do a little nod.

Oh, sometimes these middle-aged English

women are so annoying with

their stupid politeness. I don't want to

talk to strangers when I'm in the

supermarket. Yeah, thanks, whatever.

Get out the fucking way, stupid woman.

I hate these stupid gates at the

supermarket. It's so pointless.

I could have stuffed stuff in my pockets

and gone out of the electronic gates. No

one stops you, not that I know from

experience. I'm just saying.

Yeah, British people, they're like so

obsessed with being polite, they end up

being rude with the obsessiveness with

being polite. Especially when you're

driving with the little hand thing. Like,

what is that? I never do that. I can't be

bothered. They don't do that in Japan,

Thailand, Korea, any country I've been in.

They don't do the little Like

that. I'm trying to drive here. I'm not

bothered waving my stupid hand at a

stranger I'm never gonna see again. Just

go, whatever. Thanks for giving way. I

don't care. God, they gotta make a big

fuss about every damn thing. Now I'm

angry because what would have been a

perfect day ruined now. Because of that

woman's passive-aggressiveness.

Yeah, thanks for giving way to me. I don't

care, whatever. Just get out my way so I

can come through. If you want to come

through, come through. I gave way to you.

I'm not doing it out of the kindness of my

heart. I'm doing it so we don't crash into

each other. It's not really much choice

here. You don't need to thank me.

I'm not giving way to you to be nice. I'm

just doing it so we don't collide. Just

hurry up so I can go home. God's sake,

woman. Thank you,

thank you. Oh, thank you, Eros. Thank you.

She probably thought I was a rude Asian

guy or something.

Now sometimes you go to work and there's

not really much work to do, so they just

say, oh, you can go home, whatever, and I

get paid anyway. Yeah, I'm happy because

I didn't have to work barely at all today,

but I still got paid. But then that woman

upset me. It's kind of embarrassing

because she said it in a loud voice as

well. And it made me feel silly.

So thanks for making me feel silly in

front of everyone at the supermarket,

stupid woman.

Yeah, I felt publicly humiliated.

I should have said, you're welcome,

bitch.

Shouldn't have said thank you, actually.

I should have just said nothing, carried

on walking, looked the other way. I hate

people being rude to me.

Yeah, I should have just said you're

welcome, you're welcome, like that.

It just caught me off guard because

usually didn't— I mean, you don't have to

thank me, I'm supposed to thank you, but

that's— I guess that's her point.

Oh yeah, I got good surprise. I just paid

off more debt, so we can change the credit

card debt to 4,861.

Oh, that feels good. Get it back down

to the next level of digits.

So yeah, we go down from 5584 down to— I

mean, 5571 down to 4861. It's a very nice

number.

Yeah, we're grinding it down bit by bit.

I think I can do one more payment before

the end of this month by maybe £500-ish,

and then December should be able to get it

down to the 3Ks. I'm hoping in December I

can get it down to like £3,000 something.

That'd be nice.

So yeah, my total debt now is only 4,861

plus 7,782, 12,600.

Oh my god, but I just checked when I first

made a video about my tax problems. It was

a year ago, August. It's been over a year

and I still got 12k of debt.

Maybe I'll just sell off a bunch of stocks

and then I won't have the credit card debt

left. Yeah, I am contemplating just

selling all my stocks because then I could

just get rid of £8,600 of

it, and then I'll just have to pay back—

just have to make an another £4K and then

I'd be completely debt-free. And then my

next goal would be to rebuild my stock

portfolio.

The problem is I added £4K to my debt by

buying the car,

so that's why it feels like I haven't made

much progress. But I

did owe my mum £13,000, so I've gotten

that down to only £7,000 now. So yeah,

it's going— I mean, it is

progressing bit by bit.

I've got another November, December— I've

got 5 months until credit card interest

starts kicking in.

Just want to pay off this stupid debt.

It's so annoying. I don't know why, it's

just like really irritating to have large

amounts of debt,

and seeing the numbers stay the same for

too long gets on my nerves. It's nice to

be able to knock it down a bit. Might sell

a bit of stocks just to like boost my

debt paying power. Like a couple hundred

here, a couple hundred there.

I got all the money back for the pressure

washer even after I destroyed the box.

What are they going to do with it? How,

how are they going to get another box? I

guess they're going to sell it as used. I

could just buy it back from myself and get

a discount on it. Buy back the same one.

Maybe it's on Amazon now as a used

pressure washer with a destroyed package.

I don't know why I bought it. It's such a

stupid purchase. Glad I didn't buy it.

I mean, I'm glad I didn't keep it.

Use a new box, but then

they would have to open a new one and put

it in the new one. Then that's another one

without a box. Sad and alone in 2015 and

still in 2024. So much has changed.

And the best part is that none of it is

your fault. Yeah, obviously it's not my

fault. There is absolutely nothing you can

do to rectify this and no personality

problems you have. Prashant Vachak Chinnu.

Nothing bad that happens is ever my fault.

I didn't do nothing wrong. It's either

your fault or some woman's fault.

Or it's algorithmic fault, I take zero

responsibility because fuck you.

That's just my decision in life.

Nothing is ever my fault.

That's just how I live. It's how I live

stress-free. Because if you live your life

constantly thinking, oh, it's my fault,

then you're just going to be sad and

miserable all the time. Why would you

choose to be sad and miserable? It's

easier to blame other people than blame

yourself. Blaming myself just makes me

Why can't you take accountability? Why

should I when it wasn't my fault?

Like that stupid woman today. If she— I

gave way to her. If she just accepted my

magnanimity— magna— I can't say

magnanimity. Is that even a word?

How do you turn the magnanimous word into

the titty ending? If she just

accepted my magnaminousness— is that

a word? Then she

could have thanked me and I would have

said No problem. But no,

she had to be stubborn. When I gave way to

her, she was like, oh no, I give way to

you. So if you're going to give way to

people, then you should, you should do it

without expecting a thanks.

You should do it out of the goodness of

your heart, not because you want to be

thanked. So she gave way to me from a

selfish place because

she wanted to be the better person and get

thanked for it. No, it don't work like

that. If you're gonna try and be the

better person, then you do it without

expectation of being thanked. Otherwise,

you're just being selfish whilst trying to

pretend that you're selfless.

See, she's just selfish. She was only

doing a selfless good deed because she

wanted to get thanked, and when she didn't

get thanked, she got mad.

She can go suck it.

I gave way to her first thinking she's

gonna take the gap and come through,

but she didn't. She just stood there and

And then get all pissy about it.

That's what you get.

Sometimes it's annoying when you're

driving and they give way to you. Even

though you're trying to give way to them.

And then you feel bad, like, oh, they,

they like, they owe, they own you.

Because now I am in debt to them because

they gave way to me. It makes you feel

like you're smaller than they are.

I'd rather just give way to them and let

them come through. Oh, wow.

In past relationships, have you ever

pretended to love them more than you

actually do in order to keep them around?

What are some things you would say to

them? Did it work? Pretended to

love them more than you actually do in

order to keep them around.

What? No.

I don't even know what that means.

Don't know how to answer that.

Maybe I'll try and hide the fact that I

don't like them until I'm ready to

leave, and then I'll let them know slowly,

bit by bit. And then they— I'll let

them dump me and I'll be like, okay, I

understand.

What's the temperature?

I don't know, around 15.

Let me see.

13. Yeah, I quite like this temperature.

It's not really cold, but it's not so hot

that I can't wear my favorite jumper and

double trousers. And I've got my woolly

blanket. I really like the woolly blanket.

It's so warm and it's so

soft. I don't think I can go back to

those, like, normal cotton blankets.

Who will win the election? When do we find

out? Is it Tuesday?

I don't know. I really hope Kamala doesn't

win because if we have to— we're gonna

have to watch her for the next 4 years.

She's so boring and annoying.

She's just not cool. At least Trump's

funny. Another 4 years of Trump

would be great. It'd be good, good

entertainment. Kamala's so boring.

I fall asleep every time she's on the TV.

Please not Kamala. I don't care what her

policies are, she's so dull. Yeah, but

what about with more casual girls? Like,

have you ever gotten sick of a girl but

then thought they'd be useful, so then you

try to get them back by pretending to care

about them? No, I'd never do that.

I'm completely honest with my feelings

with all women.

Is this why Blood Bucket doesn't talk to

you anymore? She apparently— she really

hates Trump. How can you hate Trump? He's

so funny. Like when he talks,

he always does this and his little dance.

Like, how can you hate the guy?

It's like men like Trump but women

like Kamala. That's what

I'm sensing. Men like

Trump because he's like a masculine

figure. Women like Kamala because

she's like an independent, strong woman

figure.

So basically, it's just going to get men

voting for Trump, women voting for Kamala,

aren't you?

I don't hate anyone. It's just I either

find people boring or not boring, and

Kamala is very boring and Trump is not

boring.

But I don't know all his history, so I

don't know. No, I don't care enough to dig

up everything he said in the past.

Yeah,

well,

I like Dr Disrespect and he cheats on his

wife and messages minors, so what do I

know? I always like shady

people with shady pasts.

I don't like Bill Gates recently. There's

a lot of hate towards Bill Gates recently,

isn't there? Bill Gates is just annoying.

He looks stupid. He looks like a nerd.

He is a nerd. He talks like a nerd.

But on top of that, he does all this weird

shady stuff with his money that

people are catching on to now. But he's

just not a cool guy. He's like a loser,

Bill Gates. There's nothing cool about

him. He just looks stupid.

Don't like Bill Gates. Even his name is

stupid. Bill Gates. Ugh, Bill Gates. It's

got an annoying sound to it.

That's the thing with people, they're

either cool or they're not cool. It

doesn't really matter if they're good

people or not. They, they either got it or

they don't. I'm way cooler than Bill

Gates. I've got better glasses, got better

hair, got a better name as well.

Bill Gates' wife left him, didn't she?

Not surprised. She must know some crazy

stuff about him to

want to leave him. He must be doing some

weird stuff. Someone who is boring is much

better for the country than a clown. If

you look at Project 2025, they want to

take the USA back to what it was like in

the '50s and '60s. So forgive us for

caring about things beyond entertainment

value. I don't know, I don't live in

America. I don't care what's good for the

country or not. I just care what's

entertaining because I gotta watch it on

the news every night.

Not like it affects me, the quality. I

mean, I guess it does if I get donuts.

It's not like it affects me, the quality

of life in America. I'm not gonna go

there.

As long as my stocks go up,

I'm happy.

I just want my gold stock to go up more.

I want it to go up more. I want my stock

portfolio to be at £10,000 next year so I

can use it to pay off my debt. Pay off my

debts, sell everything, and then rebuild

from zero my new stock portfolio.

A sign of a good investor is that he can

start from zero at any point and succeed.

He doesn't have to get lucky with a few

picks here and there. Should be able to

start from zero, start from scratch, and

be able to make it again. That's what I

will prove next year.

Opinion on Elon Musk. I don't

know. I like

him, but I don't like it when he does

those dances. If America falls, the stock

market will too, which will affect you,

genius. Just because people

think Trump is better for the economy

doesn't mean he actually is. Have you

heard Elon Musk saying he wants to

purposely crash the economy under Trump?

Yeah, but my stock portfolio is designed

to take advantage of a crash. I've got

gold and bonds, 2 safe haven assets

that benefit from crashes. I don't have

any exposure to the market, like the S&P

or the NASDAQ. I've got gold. And I've got

ASML, which is semiconductor

machine-making company,

which I guess is exposure to the market,

but it's only a tiny bit.

And I hate it when Elon Musk does those

stupid dances. What's the point? He goes

on stage and he's like with his

big belly sticking out. It's so stupid.

What is the point? It's not funny. It's

not cool. Why does he do it? I don't get

it. Stop.

He's like, why?

I'm seeing Teslas everywhere. There's so

many of them. There's so many of them that

I now don't want one anymore because

they're not cool. It's only cool when you

don't see many, but when everyone's

driving them, I don't want to drive it

anymore. Oh, oh my God.

I haven't even mentioned it yet. You won't

believe what my mum's going to do next

week. My mum went

to the dealership that I went to and she's

now getting the same car as mine, but the

petrol version. I just don't understand

that. She's gonna sell her Honda and

get the 2024 version of my exact car,

exact same color, but the manual petrol

version. So now I don't know if I feel

kind of embarrassed because now we're

gonna have the exact same car. Now I want

to get rid of my car. Maybe I'll get a

Honda. I don't understand why she wants

to do this. What is the point?

I mean, it is a cool-looking car, but at

least get something a bit different to my

car.

She's copying me. At least get a different

color like blue or white. The exact same

color as well. And why get petrol?

I don't understand.

There's nothing wrong with her car. Why

sell something to buy something new that's

more expensive? That basically does the

same thing that the old thing did. Elon is

autistic, so he is really smart in certain

ways, like knowing what people to hire and

being able to sound smart to certain types

of people. But in other ways, he is

incredibly stupid, like legit disabled,

retarded levels of fucking dumb.

Yeah, like me, I guess. Genius,

but socially awkward.

That's why I relate to him so much. And

also good with the women. It's just my

sperm don't work, otherwise I'd have 12

kids too.

She doesn't want an electric vehicle.

Yeah, I don't know why she's so

anti-electric vehicle. She says she

doesn't like automatics cuz she's I

don't know, she's like scared of

automatics. All you do is press the pedal

and it goes. I don't know why you want to

drive a manual. You're constantly having

to like fiddle with your left hand and

then press the clutch, clutch down,

clutch up, clutch down, clutch up.

Driving manual is so annoying, you know,

constantly move a knob stick.

I don't know, do you think she's actually

gonna get the car? She's paid the deposit

money, but she's done this 3 times now. 2

years ago she went to Peugeot, nearly got

the Peugeot 3008, sat down, did the whole

process, 4 hours, and then next week

when she was supposed to pick it up, she

changed her mind, got the deposit money

back, and then she did it again a couple

months ago. A month ago she went with Dave

Gibson to the Honda dealership signed up

to get a Honda Jazz Hybrid, paid the

deposit and everything, and then my uncle

said hybrids are not very good, and then

she phoned them up, said she changed her

mind. Who wants to bet she changes her

mind again?

It looks nice though, the 2024 version.

It's got a bigger screen than my one,

it's got built-in sat nav— mine doesn't

have built-in sat nav— it's got triple

fang headlights. Mine's only got a single

fang. Don't know how else it's better.

The interior looks like it's better

quality than mine, but on the outside it's

almost identical to mine. Same paint as

well. I wonder

if, if it's more fun to drive if it's

petrol. And manual. When they will have a

go on it, I wonder who's faster,

whose car's faster. We should race them.

I think mine does 0 to 60 in about 8

seconds if I put it in sport

mode. I put it— usually I drive in eco

mode and that's what I'm used to, but

sometimes I put it into normal mode if

Have you ever had to stop by the side of a

dual carriageway and then you had to

rejoin the dual carriageway but there's

constant traffic coming? Times like that

you really need to accelerate hard to

catch up with traffic, so I put into

normal mode and it just goes so much

faster it kind of scares me.

I haven't tried sport mode Because I'm

kind of scared how responsive the

acceleration is because I'm so used to

driving in Eco mode. But when I put my

foot down in Eco mode, it really takes a

while to get up to 60.

Usually EVs have better acceleration than

petrols because I,

I'm way ahead when the traffic light goes

green. Elon Musk dated her and had lots of

kids with her. I think that's because

they're fiddling with kids. And it sounds

good, but it seems like she got really

weirdly obsessed with him. I'd feel bad

for her if she weren't a billionaire.

Grimes seems like one of those weird emo

edgy girls, like millennial edgy girls

covered in tattoos, and like they get all

spiritual. And weird. She doesn't seem

like a well-grounded, down-to-earth,

wholesome person. She just

seems like a bit of an edgelord.

But does Elon Musk ever get into a

relationship thinking that they're

going to be together forever? Or does he

just tell them upfront, I just want to

have some babies and then I'm moving on to

the next woman?

Am I going to beat up Kanaito now that

you're strong and buffed up? Yeah, I might

be able to. I can bicep curl 13 kgs now.

I bet he's gone fat and lazy.

The problem is he's still gonna have more

mass than me. He probably weighs more than

me. I need more fat to

anchor myself down. I'm just too

lightweight. Even if I've got more muscle,

I've gotten— I've got way less mass than

most people.

Can you go back to why you think EVs have

better acceleration? Because they got

instant torque. You just press the pedal

down and it goes. It doesn't have to like

build up revs and momentum.

It's got instant torque and acceleration.

A Tesla can do 0 to 60 in 4 seconds, 3

seconds in some models. To be able to do

that in petrol, you need like 500

horsepower, like a sports car, Porsche,

Ferrari.

How much do I eat? I probably don't eat

enough. Today I had a sandwich, packet of

crisps for lunch, and then for dinner got

beef pie and chips, and then I

have some chocolate and crisps as well.

But I'm usually way ahead of other cars

when we're waiting at the stoplights and

the lights go green and I just put my foot

down. While they're fiddling with biting

point and first gear, second gear, third

gear, I'm off. I just press my pedal and

I'm doing 30 already. It says 0 to 30 can

be done in seconds. Takes like 2,

3 seconds to go from 0 to 30 in my car.

Did I delete the Discord server? Yeah, I

deleted it cuz Sunny is coming over now.

I only made it because I thought she was

finished with me.

She should be coming in about a week.

It would be funny in the driveway seeing 2

Peugeot 208s, the petrol and the electric.

I don't know, I feel kind of split. On one

hand, I don't like

how my mum's gonna have the same car as

me, but on the second hand, I'm kind of

curious to see what the petrol version of

the car is gonna be like. I said, why

don't you just get a Tesla? You can get a

secondhand Tesla Model 3 for like £16k.

The only downside is it will have a lot of

mileage, like 60,000 miles.

'Cause then I could see what a Tesla's

Maybe she just really likes my car, so she

wants to get one herself.

Dunno, we'll see next week if she actually

gets it. It's, um,

£17,000. The car she's getting is

the 2024. I think it's the base model.

It can't be the medium, the mid-spec. For

only £17K, it must be the, the base spec.

But she didn't even do a test drive or sit

in the car. How have you decided to buy a

car you didn't even test drive it? Don't

understand it. Sad and alone again? You

know you have the life you deserve,

right? Like, I just want to see if you

actually know that or if you deny that you

are a bad person. You just use people and

are such a fucking narcissist. Everyone

uses people. That's how the world works.

No one does anything unless it benefits

themselves in some way.

So yeah, I do use people just like

everyone else does.

Customers use me, employers use

me, you guys using me now,

YouTube uses me.

How do you not use people? I don't get it.

Unless you're a Buddhist monk who has no

desires in the world.

I don't think I'm a bad person.

I don't know, maybe I am in some ways.

Depends what your definition of bad is.

Am I bad for driving? And causing

pollution with how

my battery was made and where the

electricity comes from just because I

don't want to walk.

What are my plans for the future? Okay,

first pay off the debt, credit card debt.

Going to smash that out in— hopefully by

January I will smash that credit card debt

so hard. Will be gone. And then I'll just

focus, focus fire on my mum's debt.

Hoping before next summer

I am debt-free. And then I rebuild my

stock portfolio.

Then what? I want at least £10,000

to start off with my stock portfolio.

And then I just want to rebuild my assets

really and pay off the car.

Pay off the car, rebuild my stocks,

debt-free. Those are my goals for 2025

that I want to accomplish. No more

traveling. I travel every day to work,

driving through the beautiful English

countryside. I might take the SD card out

of my dash cam start uploading some

driving footage. A bunch of stupid

pheasants were on the road yesterday. I

had to brake hard because they were not

moving. I would have squished it, and then

I would have scraped off the road, had a

nice fresh pheasant for dinner.

Those pheasants are so dumb because they

don't fly, they just run, and they run

away in the direction you're driving.

They don't run to the side, they run down

the road. I don't want to squish

any birds and then I've got to wash the

blood off my car. I saw so much roadkill.

Fox, hedgehogs,

squirrels just flattened on the road.

Oh wow, thanks, GL. LMAO, I remember when

I used to think like you. Yes, there is a

small amount of truth to what you are

saying about society, but you are failing

to see the bigger picture or have empathy.

You should read about the transformations

people make in therapy, but you won't.

Blah blah blah, what big picture?

Any humans? Not yet.

I had to overtake some cyclists today. On

Sunday, it's usually more cyclists.

They are kind of annoying, aren't they?

Why can't they just stop and let me pass?

And also zebra crossings, I hate those

because you're supposed to give way.

Pedestrians just step onto them without

looking. I hate giving

way. It would be faster for me to just

keep driving and then they cross after

I've passed than, oh, now I've got to

brake and I've got to wait for these

idiots to slowly walk over the zebra

crossing. And then I got to start

accelerating again. Things would be much

faster if I just went zoom and then they

cross after I zoomed.

Stupid zebra.

I haven't been horned at recently, so I

think I'm improving. Especially on

roundabouts, I think I'm doing a better

Oh wow, thanks, Six. You haven't raged at

the camera in a long time. I just raged

half an hour ago at that English woman.

Maybe you missed it. So I said at the

supermarket, those electronic gate things

that let you in and out I was waiting to

go in. She wanted to come out and I

gave way to her, but she didn't come out.

She was giving way to me. I don't

understand. I'm giving way to you. Just

come. Why are you trying to out-polite me

and give way to me? So she gave way to me

and I accepted and I went through, but I

didn't say thank you. And she got upset

and then she went, thank you. Like that,

in this annoying tone.

And I just quickly went, thank you, in

this quiet sheepish voice.

And I felt embarrassed. I should have

said, you're welcome, bitch,

and then ran away. Yeah, I really wish I

just said, you're welcome.

So generous. Thank you so much

for giving way to me, idiot.

I should be— yeah, sometimes I wish I was

as sarky and quick-witted

with my snapbacks in real life, but I feel

like I'd end up getting punched at some

point. I'm not brave enough. I can only do

it on stream when I'm safe in my room.

You're welcome. I should have copied her

stupid tone like that.

That's not like the rages during the

change and mere errors where you threw

things, put holes in walls, and acted

completely delusional. Maybe your

narcissism is decreasing, but I guess

probably you are just managing your image

better. Lol. Didn't you see me throw the

tennis racket when Sunny trolled me saying

that she was staying in Japan? And I

punched my door a couple months ago

because I had a fight with my mum, and now

there's a big crack in it.

It was her fault, nagging me over stuff

that's not even my fault.

Don't come up to my room, start nagging me

when I'm tired, and then expect me to just

sit there quietly. Fucking break

I got a short temper.

Don't, don't test me. I will smash

everything in my room. Just watch.

I smashed up that apple hotel good. That

tissue box. Oh.

Tissue box got wrecked.

Got my blood all over the towels too.

I don't get angry easily, it's just

sometimes people can be very irritating.

And when they stop listening when you're

trying to explain, then things just have

to get broken. That's just how it is.

Now, I broke this GoPro selfie stick that

I'm using now. I had to buy it again last

year. I forgot why. I just— I smashed it

against the wall and it broke, and it was

annoying because that GoPro selfie stick

is kind of expensive. It's like £30, but

it's nice. Let me show you.

Easy way to get money. Fight one of your

haters on camera. All views back

immediately. You can really— nice selfie

stick. Look, it's got a little tripod. It

extends and collapses.

It's not too big.

Fight one of my haters on camera?

I get banned. YouTube doesn't like

physical violence. Get in trouble. Do I

have anger issues? Yeah, if someone makes

me angry, I get angry. How about just

don't make me angry and then I won't be

angry? It's not hard.

Will Woods question. Where is it?

What was the question?

Have I been screened for autism?

No. Although people keep telling me I have

it. Who cares?

It's just my personality.

That's just what I'm like.

Did you hear that? That was my stomach.

Am I hungry again?

You don't have a desire to change.

I don't know what there is to change.

Did I fight with Sunny again? No, she said

she's coming over.

How many of the girls you've interacted

with online have been guys trolling you or

having a weird crush on you? I don't know.

Surprisingly, there haven't been many guys

pretending to— I think I'm pretty good at

sussing them out. That's why. There was

that one person. Do you remember I made a

video about it? She was called June

pretending to be an Australian Japanese

girl that I was flirting with, and then it

turns out it was like a Reddit troll.

That one did get me good, I have to admit.

But after that, I don't think I have

fallen for any trolls. It's pretty obvious

because if you click on their profile and

they've got no friends and the profile was

made 2 months ago. Before I— before

I take anyone seriously, I check out their

profile or I make sure they send a photo

to prove that it's them. I thought Sunny

was a troll at first, didn't believe her,

so she sent me a picture with her name on

it, so I believed her.

My back really hurts as well. Since 3 days

ago, I've had a terrible backache.

It still really hurts today. I don't

know if it's because of lifting stuff at

work or because of my dumbbells being

heavier.

It's really annoying when you get a

backache. You just feel tired all the

time, and moving— movement just all hurts

everywhere.

Can you come up with drama again?

Didn't you say Melissa was a troll? Lol,

that girl who sent you voice messages and

called you on stream in 2020 or whatever.

Yeah, sometimes they are girls, but they

can also be trolls. That Melissa girl,

she would just keep sending me voice

messages and she was just not serious. I

want someone to— I want them to be

serious, not like trying to troll me.

There are girls that just waste your time

as well.

Gotta be careful when you're famous. You

don't know who you can trust.

Yeah, I don't know why there's no drama

anymore. There was some drama with my mum

a couple months ago. We had that fight.

Don't you count the FASA thing as drama?

It wasn't a very pleasant breakup.

Maybe it's cuz I just didn't really talk

about it much.

And before There would be drama and then

I'd make a video, didn't I?

Explaining why they're stupid and how I

didn't do anything wrong. I guess I don't

do that now. I didn't make a video about

the breakup and how it was all her fault.

I can't be bothered anymore. What's the

point? I just talk about it on stream.

Just say, yeah, she's upset, blah blah

blah.

Back then I used to make such a big fuss

over everything, make a whole 10-minute

video, and now I just

rant about stuff on stream. I guess it

doesn't have the same— it's not as

impactful when you just rant about

it on stream compared to making a whole

video dedicated to the topic.

Why my relationship with Thai

girlfriend failed or something. I could

have done— you know why it failed.

Don't need to explain everything, do I?

I think my sister's coming back again next

week for fireworks night.

Yeah, I could make a video, something

like, do not date a Thai woman, my

experience. All they do is go on and on

about money, money, money, money, money,

money. That's what it's like dating a Thai

woman. Do you know anything about what

Faster is doing now? No, I don't. Also,

if you found out a girl at a red light

district or someone you were gonna serial

was trans, would you still do it?

Uh, maybe if I paid the money, gone up to

the room and we were naked, and then I

found out she was trans, I might think,

uh, we've gotten this far, might as well

just try it out now, I guess.

I don't know why so many Western men who

end up dating a Thai woman always seem to

have the same drama, which is all about

money. And like, either it's the

girlfriend whining about money or

girlfriend's relatives or family need

money or there's like some kind of crisis

and they expect you to bail them out just

because you're the Westerner and they

think you've got money. If I had money,

I wouldn't have had to come to Thailand to

get a girlfriend, would I?

I'm broke.

You remember when she kept asking me to

pay for her car maintenance? That really

angered me. Because it's not even my car.

Why do I have to pay for your car repairs

and stuff when it's not even my car or my

fault? And I'm not even using the car

apart from when we go to the supermarket.

I had to pay for petrol as well for a bit.

That's just what it's like in Thailand.

Yeah, I wouldn't really— I wouldn't really

recommend dating in Thailand.

All the money stuff is just annoying, and

then all the family stuff is annoying too.

I can imagine if we got married and had a

house, eventually the family would keep

coming over all the time, wouldn't they?

The nonstop phoning is really annoying

too. I'm pretty sure I matched with Foster

on a dating app. Can I date her? We will

be Eskimo brothers. Kinda gross, but

whatever. Then I— not

really my business anymore.

Yeah, she was ethnically half Chinese but

culturally Thai.

Yeah, the phone thing was really annoying.

Her phone was always ringing. She was

always talking on the phone to someone—

work friend, mum, Sister,

auntie. The Thai people have nothing

better to do than just sit around talking

on the phone all day. How about do some

work? Then you won't be broke. Clean the

house. I don't know. She would even talk

on the phone in the shower. How do

you have a phone call when you're having a

shower? It's so weird.

Just can't imagine it. Imagine like naked

and washing your hair whilst having a

phone conversation.

They just love talking on the phone all

the time. I don't get it.

I don't talk to anyone on the phone unless

I have to phone up the bank or something.

I hate talking on the phone because you

have to stop everything you're doing to do

the phone call. At least if

you're texting, you can have podcasts on,

playing games, texting in between. When

you have a phone call, you got to stop

everything or you got to try and

multitask. The mum would just phone all

the time. Hey, what's up? What are you

doing? For no reason. She just phoned like

she's got no life.

Did I learn a lot of Thai at the school?

I think I learned all the basic grammar.

So I could basically just say anything I

want as long as it's really basic. I would

just have to look up the vocab to fill in

the blanks. I forgot it now.

Yeah, I honestly don't really remember

much now.

It's not really that hard to learn the

basic grammar of a language. It's just I

want, I need, I like,

and then you got verbs like go,

eat, sleep. Last guy I dated would call me

while he was in the shower and then send

pics of him showering. LMAO. You should do

that too, Sunny. That's just weird. I used

to do that when I was 18. Had Japanese

internet girlfriend and we'd phone all the

time. I can't be bothered now. I got

stuff to do.

Is someone paying off your debt? Yeah,

the company that employs me pays it and

YouTube. I made a bit more money on

YouTube this month because I've been

streaming more often. Made about $600

versus just $400,

because when I first started a job, I

basically didn't have any interest in

YouTube anymore. But now my interest in

YouTube is returning, so I'm like

balancing it back out now. Before, it was

like zero interest YouTube. All I cared

about was the job and Now I'm like less

interested in the job, more interested in

YouTube.

So hopefully I can get my YouTube money

back up a little bit by a couple hundred

basis points.

Maybe I should make some videos. Maybe I

make one about whoever wins the election.

So if Trump wins, I will make a fake video

raging about how I hate Trump, how he

didn't deserve to win. I hate Trump. He's

a horrible human being. He didn't deserve

to win. Do you

think that would get views? Why Trump

didn't deserve to win. And then if

Kamala wins, I will do why

I hate Kamala. She didn't deserve to win.

I could troll both sides. I might

get views, might not. I don't know.

Depends how good my acting is.

Sounds like you don't find your job very

strenuous if you are framing it as the job

is paying off your debts. It makes it

sound like you got the money for free.

Yeah, well, sometimes you go in and

there's barely anything to do and then

they send you home early. Fully paid.

Yeah, I'm not paying for anything. I got

my debts, I got my car, my bank paid for

my car through financing, and then I'm not

paying off the interest in the bank loan

debt, my company and YouTube is paying

it, so I don't pay anything actually.

Crazy to have 111K followers but only a

few are still watching. Yeah, well,

they're all stupid, aren't they?

Imagine subbing to a channel and then

getting bored of the channel.

Why did you sub then? It's like joining

McDonald's membership and then you get

bored of burgers and then you don't use

the membership card anymore. Maybe make up

your damn fucking mind before you get the

membership card then.

Before, before making a decision and a

commitment, make up your mind about what

you actually like. Maybe if you didn't

like watching bored, whining,

negative half-Asian guy whine on camera

for hours and hours, then why did you sub

in the first place? That was my content,

was always this ever since the beginning

days. It was always just me whining in

front of the camera. There was never any

action or comedy or good editing.

It was always just this from the get-go.

So why did you expect anything different

from the day you subbed and signed up for

it? So don't blame me. I didn't change.

You changed. I didn't

fail you. You failed me.

I haven't changed at all from 2017. I'm

still the same whining, negative guy

in his room who can't get anywhere

in life. That's what

I built the channel up from. That's what

it still is to this day. It didn't change.

My content, in my opinion, didn't change.

So I don't know why people— so many people

subbed to my channel and then got bored.

It's just because I'm not— maybe because

I'm not in Japan anymore, not married, no

more Chihiro.

Not much I can do about that.

I did try to get her back, but it didn't

work.

I think most people subbed because they

enjoyed my life in Japan getting married

thing. And then when that ended, things

kind of weren't the same. Things are

different, I guess. I have to admit, it's

not really the same vibes and energy like

when I was married. Things were just—

seemed like they were much better back

then. I was younger, had my whole life

ahead of me, felt like the YouTube channel

was just going to grow and grow and I was

going to be rich. Last time you heard from

Chase? Do you think you will ever talk

again? The last time we talked was in

Manchester, 2021. Since then,

she blocked me and never messaged me back.

You weren't a depressive then? Yeah,

well, all my dreams and aspirations hadn't

failed yet.

Yeah, there's too many people copying me,

trying to do what I do. Like, oh, my

life's so hard. I'm 50 and

I'm scared of my life.

Working— I have to work 3 jobs and I'm

still sad and poor. There's so many people

doing misery porn now like I'm doing that

I'm not really very unique anymore.

Back when I started YouTube, everyone was

like, oh, my life's so amazing. Oh, I'm so

grateful. Oh, I love everyone. You know,

like Casey Neistat types. Fake positivity.

And then I was one of the first people

doing fake negativity. And now there's so

many people doing it. I didn't

really have much competition back then.

You got all these Japanese people now as

well showing how miserable their lives

are. It's funny how there's a marketplace,

a niche, a demand

for content about showing people's

miserable lives.

Did you watch Why Am I So Ugly? What, the

Swedish guy? Yeah,

he got so many views and he got

a hot wife out of his viewership. Now he's

made her pregnant as well. He's like me.

If I didn't mess everything up.

He's like the successful version of me

because we were both from the same roots—

quiet, awkward, weird guys verging on

inceldom. But then he actually got a

hot girl and married her and made her

pregnant and didn't make everyone hate

He's way nicer than me now. I used to be

like him back in 2015 and '16.

I was also once very nice, and then I

became very angry and bitter when

people started hating on me.