i failed in life, lonely and sad forever...

there.

Uh, testing.

Hmm,

hair's getting long again.

Stupid hair.

Nom nom nom nom nom.

How old am I? I'm 36.

Yeah, so first day back at work today,

not too bad, very easy.

It makes you wonder why or how you

could even complain about this job,

really, because you just put a parcel on a

doorstep and then take a picture, then

back in the car. Easy £40 a

How long was the shift? Hmm, I think I

started at 8 and then I finished at 10,

10-something. I was a bit slow because I

lost a parcel in the car and I couldn't

find it, but then I found it.

Yeah, not too bad. Um, I went to the depot

and there were loads of MyParcels.

Usually MyParcels just take up maybe a

corner, but this time it was in the corner

and the complete end of the container

thing was full of mine. So I reckon

there's like 200, but I only took 75 and

then I came home. Can't be bothered. As if

I'm gonna do 200 in a day. I'll just do it

tomorrow. So yeah, I did 75 today and I'm

gonna go again tomorrow, although they're

gonna bring another load today afternoon.

So now there's probably like the same

amount there as I started today because

they just replenished the amount of

parcels that I delivered today. So it's

probably still 200. So I'll do another 80

tomorrow and then it should only be about

80 left for Monday. So yeah,

I'll just work an extra day.

My finger hurts.

Ow. Stupid rice cooker. You know the

little hole where all the steam comes out?

I wanted to take the lid off. I

accidentally put my finger over the hole

blowing steam out and burnt my finger.

Ow, it hurts more when I lick it.

I ran it under cold water. That didn't

help.

Yeah, the job is easy when I do it my way,

but then because I do it my way, I get

complaints. I rang

a few doorbells today, so I

didn't ring every door, but I mean, if

they had a doorbell, I would have rang it.

They don't have a doorbell. I'm not

damaging my knuckles banging on the door.

What does Daniel do for work? I deliver

parcels. Amazon parcels, Temu,

AliExpress.

Lots of stuff. HelloFresh,

GKU, QVC.

Yeah, I deliver parcels, but I got banned

for 2 weeks. So today's my first day back

after getting banned. Now I got unbanned.

Seems like the boss was able to get

something done. I don't know, really. I

don't want to ask why I got banned because

then he might be like, well, because you

basically suck. So rather not ask

him why I got banned. The thing is pretty

obvious. Don't need to start pulling at

You should try delivering interesting

content. Well, hook me up with a girl and

then we'll get some drama. No girl, no

drama, no content. So chop

chop, get me some girls. Come on,

I'm so horny I had to bum myself with a

dildo. No cereal all month.

What's with Crypt? Uh, she got banned on

Discord. I don't know why.

Something about— maybe I shouldn't

say. I don't know what she was saying on

Discord, but she got like a 24-hour ban.

But she's been texting me.

You should ask so you understand what not

to do. Well, I know what not to do, but I

don't care. You're supposed to knock on

the door. You're supposed to hand the

parcel directly to the person. You're

supposed to take a photo of them receiving

it. If they're not in, you're supposed to

write this stupid little paper to put in

the letterbox saying, I missed you. I just

Dump it at the door. I take a photo and I

run. I don't even knock on the door. I

Although I have started to ring the

doorbell if there is a doorbell now.

Tell us about getting your job back.

Well, the boss just messaged me saying

they told me you're unbanned, and then I

tested it out and yep, I was unbanned.

And then he said, when can you start? I

said, I can come tomorrow. He said,

great, get as much done as you can. I just

did half. I'm not, I'm not doing all day

delivering just because I got banned for 2

weeks. I'm just going to do what I want to

do. I did 75, which is my sweet spot.

Takes about 2 hours. I'm not going back

and doing another 2 hours. No thanks. I

can just do it tomorrow. There's no

difference doing it today than doing it

tomorrow. It literally makes no

difference. There'll still be the same

amount of parcels waiting on Monday if I

did it today instead of tomorrow. If I did

it today,

um, wait, 200 should

be another one coming today. I'll get one

and then do that one on Monday.

I think it doesn't make any difference if

I got it all done today because more's

coming today and I would have done that

on Monday, but I'm just going to work on

Sunday and get that done on Sunday instead

of Monday. And then the ones that are in

there Monday would be the ones that came

today afternoon that I could have done

today afternoon, but I didn't want to. So

it literally doesn't make any difference,

does it? I don't really think it makes a

difference. I'm going to get jump scared.

I got my new toy for OnlyFans on its way.

I'm just hope— really hoping they put it

in discreet boxing because it's like this

massive, probably, I don't know, 5 kg

rubber doll. With a willy. Came all

the way from China. Finally, it's out for

delivery today. By Every, by the way. My

own company. Don't do me dirty.

We're bros. But I never see this guy at my

depot, so they must have a different depot

for this region. Even though this region

is only 10 minutes away from my depot, so

it's weird that my depot doesn't cover

where I live. Don't you think?

I think they must have a cutoff point,

and anything north of that, a different

depot manages it.

Tell us something new, please. Well,

I just made the hottest gay video on my

OnlyFans with face showing.

With my fishnet stockings, with DILDO,

with a pretty interesting camera angle,

which I think looks pretty good. Very

pleased with my new setup. Oh, I got a

beanbag. I ordered a beanbag. Do you know

why?

Because I can put the DILDO on the

floor because it's got a suction cup and

the floor is like hard, so it sucks to it

really well. So I put the dildo on the

floor and then I'm like sitting on the

floor, but it hurts, so I need something

to sit on. So I've got a beanbag and what

I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sit on the

beanbag and then like sit right on the

edge of the beanbag and then like lean

back into the beanbag.

It's gonna be so hot.

The only problem is, hmm,

the lighting's not great where there's

hard flooring. The good lighting is where

the carpet is. I can't attach the suction

cup to the carpet, so I really need to

find a system to make it easier because

my legs, my legs, my knees are shaking

after I finish because I'm like tired from

squatting. Yeah,

so I got a £50 beanbag on its way. I know,

a bit expensive, but it's a business

investment. And yeah, I could have gotten

it off AliExpress, Temu, but I went on

Temu and they didn't have any beanbags

with the little bits in it. They only had

beanbag covers. And they said no filling,

or they had inflatable beanbags. I don't

know why, but it seems like they're not

allowed to ship beanbags for some reason

because they don't have any beanbags on

Temu.

Yeah, so I got a beanbag coming, which I

think is going to enhance OnlyFans stuff a

lot more. Basically, the main problem I

have with OnlyFans is I

need a stable, solid surface

that is low down when I sit down.

I don't really know what else I could use.

Maybe the table, but then that's a bit too

high up.

God, I just wish I had like a heavy,

smooth, rounded object.

What could that be? If I had a 3D printer,

I could print my own Uh,

mount, put pillows on the floor.

I tried, and yeah, okay, that cushions my

bum, but then I've got no back support. I

want to lean back whilst getting pounded.

So I mean, I could— no, I thought about

using my cardboard chair, but it's too

high up. And I

feel like it would just fall apart if I'm

getting pounded on it.

But the problem with the doll is it's not

a thrusting dildo. So I was thinking,

what if I cut the doll's dick off and put

my thrusting vibrating one where its dick

should be. The problem is it won't attach

to it well. Problems,

problems. Yeah, overdraft went up because

I had to buy the beanbag, and I also

needed enough money on my credit card to

be able to pay for a second month of the

Traveling Traders Discord. Otherwise I

wouldn't have enough balance. So I paid

off a little bit of the credit card by

going into another £100 of overdraft, but

it's okay. It's very worth the money.

Promise I'm not going to get any money

coming in until 4 more days,

and that's just going to be about $500, I

think. And then I'm going to get my

YouTube money in 10 days. I really need

the YouTube money quickly.

Overdraft is when you spend money when you

don't have enough money and then your bank

account balance goes below zero, kind of

like a credit card, but with insanely high

interest, like 40% interest.

So it's like a credit card, but way worse.

So I don't know why I'm using it instead

of just using the credit card, to be

honest. But I can't use my credit card to

pay off my Amazon credit card, can I?

Get more 0% cards. Well, I got the Amex

card, but it went to my mum's house and I

don't know if she hates me so much now

she's not even going to send me my post or

even tell me I got any post because my

sister didn't say anything. Seems like

my mum's really done with me. I mean,

I did block her, so she can't even tell me

even if she wanted to. No, I don't want

another credit card because I

can't keep just— I can't just keep living

off 0% credit cards, can I?

God, my finger hurts. Just a tiny half a

second burn hurts this much. Can you

imagine how painful it is getting cooked

alive? Because the amount of damage heat

does in a split second— crazy.

God, it hurts like hell. Oh,

oh, can you imagine getting cooked? God,

the amount— I think you just die straight

away from the pain, the shock of it.

Yeah, I'm hoping that July— probably

not July, probably like beginning of

August— I might start— and I might start

beginning months out of overdraft.

Getting out of overdraft is gonna be

Which is good that I got the job back.

Oh girl, where's my sex doll?

What was that?

Oh, I delivered to one house today. I

opened the gate. The guy was doing some

gardening and this stupid dog started

running at me going, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa. And then the guy's like, close the

gate, close the gate. And I'm like, oh

shit. And I, I walk back to the gate, but

the faster I run, the crazier the dog gets

because the dog's like chasing me. So I

don't know if I should be calm or if I

should quickly run to the gate to shut it.

God, I hate you stupid idiot dogs.

Put your dog inside, for God's sake.

Oh, I'll put a sign on the gate saying

shut the gate. I didn't know what I'm

supposed to shut every gate. Every time I

open the gate and go in, I'm supposed to

shut it behind me. Great, another thing I

gotta do. Why don't you just keep your

stupid dog inside? I can't stand people

with their stupid dogs. Why are dogs so

annoying? Like, okay, calm down. I'm just

delivering a parcel. Shut up.

So I'm trying to power walk back to the

gate while this stupid dog's like

attacking my feet and barking

at me. And then the driveway— the house

was on this busy road with a driveway.

Like, it's not— I mean, the driveway was

behind the gate. There's like a very tiny

driveway in between the gate and the road.

So I go in stop in front of the gate,

and now I've got to reverse back out into

the busy road. So I'm checking, I'm

checking, it's clear, and I start

reversing. Now I'm ready to like start

turning right, and this stupid car right

behind me was about to like overtake me as

I was doing my maneuver. I hate

this house. And there's a second house on

that same road. Which one was it?

I can't— it was further down the same road

where it just had a tiny space to pull

into, and now I've got to reverse back

into the busy road. So annoying.

I hate this. Why do they put houses on a

busy road with nowhere to do a U-turn?

Oh, and then on the way home, as I entered

Tavistock, the town, there's like a—

there's a roundabout. So it's like this,

there's a roundabout and I take the first

right and I exit the roundabout. And then

coming towards me on the other side of the

road, obviously, police car. The police

car, as the police car goes by me, it

turns on its blue lights. And I'm looking

in the mirror and it goes round the

roundabout and comes back behind me.

There's like a U-turn in the roundabout

and now the police car's behind me and I'm

like, oh crap, is he like, is he going to

pull me over? Because it was such weird

timing that he put his blue lights on and

then did a U-turn straight as I passed

him. So I indicate left and I start

pulling over to the left, but thankfully

he just drives on by. He also like, I

don't know, he horned, did like a little

horn, like beep like that as I drove by.

I was really confused. I thought,

oh my God, did I do something wrong? And

then the van in front of me pulled over as

well. So I thought, why is the van pulling

over? Is it because the police car is in

front of us now stopped? And I realized,

oh wait, the van is just a woman doing

delivery work as well. So I have to go

around the van. Luckily, the police car

was gone. So it was scary because it's

really rare to see a police car around

these parts.

No, he did the little horn when he was

driving towards me as I passed him.

Don't know why.

God, I hate it when you see blue lights.

It always makes me anxious.

Yeah, but luckily I didn't do anything

wrong. Not my fault. Shut up. Then on the

way home, on my favorite strip of road,

stupid idiot doing 30 miles per hour on

the 60 road. I put my car into sports mode

and I just put my foot down. I was like,

Idiot. 30 on a 60 road. Jesus Christ,

get off the road, grannies. I wish

grannies and horse riders get the hell off

the road. Get out my way. I don't

know why people bring the stupid horses

onto the road. Taking the stupid

horse for a walk? Just run it around the

field if you've got a horse on Obviously

you've got a field. Just do it laps around

the field. Why do you got bring it out

onto the road? It's so annoying.

Stupid idiot country with stupid people

riding horses. It's 2025 for fuck's sake.

Why are people riding horses?

Get get a different hobby. Like imagine

your hobby is I want to ride horses. I sit

on it and it goes. Oh wow,

that's so fun, so useful and

beneficial for the country. Not. Complete

massive waste of time. Irritates everyone

on the roads. Shits all over the place.

What is the fucking point? Stupid fucking

horses. You stay in the field.

So annoying.

Oh, and then bike riders, bicycle riders,

cyclists. There's like 5 of them in single

file. I had to overtake one, get back in

because traffic was coming, overtake the

others. Get out of the way. I just want to

go home.

Horse riding is awesome. You would get on

well with Sunny then. She was like, oh, I

love riding horses.

It's dangerous. You sit so high up, you

could fall off, break your bones. For

what? You don't even go fast. So if you

like speed, you're not going to get speed

unless you start galloping. And then

doesn't it just make you feel sick

bouncing up and down on it? I just don't

get horse— equestrians or whatever the

stupid word is.

Equestrians. Equestrians. That stupid

fancy word they use for horse riding.

And why is it— why is it only women like

it as well? I have never seen a man riding

a horse. Have you ever seen a man riding a

horse? I just noticed that every

time it's a woman. That is— why is that?

Must be not a coincidence.

I have never seen a man riding a horse on

the country lanes.

That— there must be something that

scientists can unravel there. Yeah,

women seem to love— for some reason,

women love horses. I don't get it. You

never see a man riding a horse unless it's

like those horse racing events, and then

those men always look kind of gay.

Yeah, I just— I don't get it. Maybe in the

future they'll just ban horse riding from

horse riders from being on the road.

Fox hunters ride horses. What, the men?

Yeah, but I mean, just whenever you see a

person riding a horse on the country

roads, it's always a woman.

I've never seen a man do it.

Men only ride horses when they've got a

gun and they're killing something.

And I just don't care about horses. I'd

never want to ride one. What's the point?

I risk my life. I could get paralyzed.

And what do I get out of it? I get nothing

out of it. I get a sore bum.

I've never wanted to sit on a horse.

And have you seen those kicks horses do?

Lethal. Knock you out.

Yeah, but apart from that, a good day, I

guess. It was nice to go driving again.

I feel like driving is more fun when

you've got an objective. When you don't

have anything to do but you're just like

out for a drive, it's okay, but you don't

have that sense of pressure like, oh, I

got to get here fast and the most

efficient way. I actually prefer

driving when I'm delivering rather than

just driving to go somewhere.

So yeah, hopefully I made £40 today.

There's a lot of boxes, like big boxes,

that I didn't take. I might try and get

those down tomorrow.

They take up a lot of space though.

I did about 2 hours today. I woke up at

6:00 in the morning, had my coffee and

stuff. I was out about 7, got there at

half 7, started about 8:00, and then

finished about 10:20 maybe.

What are my plans going forwards? Yeah, I

want to stay here and milk the job as long

as I can. The job is easy money.

The job is— there's, um, I say there's 2

reasons I want to stay here: the job, and

also I do really like this area and I like

the house, so I don't really want to

leave. And even if I was going to leave,

like I lost a job or something and I had

to move out, I would probably stick

around this area. Maybe Oakhampton,

might move like north-ish,

maybe even west-ish to Cornwall.

I have been looking at properties just in

case. Yeah, there's quite a selection of

£800 to £900 a month. Nice little houses

you could rent nearby. One in Oakhampton.

But I don't really think there's a— I

don't really think I should be worried

about having to move out. I'm pretty sure

the landlord just wants someone to live

here and pay some rent. That's what

landlords want, so As long

as I've got the money, everything's gonna

be sunny. So now I

really feel confident I will be out of

debt in June. I'm saying

it here. You heard it here first. I think

in June we smash this credit card dead and

the IKEA loan. Overdraft will be dead end

of this month with my YouTube money and my

job money and some OnlyFans. Yeah. And

then we start working on the mum debt. So

the mum debt, it's hard to plan when

you don't know if you're going to keep the

job or not. So I've got to make 2

calculations, one with the job and one

without the job. Without the job, I can

probably save £400 a month after expenses.

So then it will take— £400—

it'll take 5 years.

5 years. But with the job, it should take

about 1 year

and a bit, maybe 1.5 years.

So with the job, about a year. Without the

job, maybe 3 to 4 years.

Yeah, we'll have to see how it goes

really, but I'm mainly concerned about the

credit card debt not being a problem

anymore after June. I'm sick and tired of

it. Sick and tired of being in credit card

Nice title, thanks. It's the same

title as the highest viewed livestream

I've done in the last couple months, 5K

views. So I just copied and pasted it.

That's how you do it.

I'm the best delivery driver in Devon.

What is the Dave Ramsey plan for getting

out of debt? Is it the snowballing thing?

Start with the smallest amounts of debt,

work up to the biggest amounts.

Or I just pay it all off all at once.

Yeah. And then after June, my main focus

is building a £9,000 safety net which

will be invested. And once that gets to

£19,000, I will maybe

give it to my mum, if only if she

apologizes to me and says She

was wrong.

But if I had $9K cash, I'm not going—

well, I might need it to

secure a new rental, so I

want at least 9K cash, and then anything I

have above that I will send to her just

to make sure I'm covered in case I've got

to move out, because you never know.

You've got to plan for these worst-case

scenarios. So I'm

gonna save 9K, 8K maybe, and then anything

over that I have, I'll then start paying

her monthly. But first, I really need— I

really need the safety net.

I need the $9K in case I suddenly need to

get a new rental and they say, oh, you

don't make enough money. And then I'll

say, well, I've got $9K savings, add that

to my annual income. And then they'll say,

okay, great, you can move in.

God, it'd be so annoying having to move.

I'd have to get a moving company, pack all

my stuff, and then I gotta move it all to

the new place and then unpack all my stuff

and then find a place to put all the

stuff. And then the new place has to be

big enough for my sofa and my desk and my

bed.

Oh, hey Crypt, how's work?

No, I'm not unblocking my mom as long as

she keeps saying stuff like, oh, I regret

having a son like Daniel. Oh, it's so

horrible having a son like Daniel. I'm

giving him— oh, I regret giving him money

and helping him. Horrible son. Like, she

says all this horrible stuff about me,

and then she thinks I'm the one who's

She says way, way more horrible stuff than

I say.

Imagine saying to your son that she

regrets having you. Wow, thanks.

Should never say that. It doesn't

matter about money. Like, if you lent them

money or not, doesn't, doesn't make it

okay to say that stuff, does it?

No, I will pay her back because I have

morals. It's just I have a plan.

My plan is to protect myself and then

finish paying my debts. Protecting myself

is number one most important thing. And

then paying back debts is like second

priority. I gotta make sure I'm okay

first. Then I

will focus on paying debts.

Seeing as I'm in a very precarious

financial situation, I can't bum around.

Oh, sorry, I hurt my bum again.

Crypt, couldn't you have gotten me a

slightly smaller dildo? I like it and

everything, it's just a little bit big.

Ripped my anus. Now I've got to take

another probably 2-week break.

I made a hot video today. I'm gonna sell

it for They said it was good for

beginners. Are they joking? I'm an expert

and I'm getting injured.

I would prefer slightly smaller. It's not

the length that's the problem, it's the

thickness. It gets pretty thick.

Yeah, I'm going to sell it for, I think,

$25. I reckon I

reckon at least 6 people will buy it,

which will net me $150

for one video. Not bad. Maybe 10 people

would buy it. Yeah, I'm gonna clip it up,

like make little short snippets, put that

for the $10 members, but then the full

video Who's buying it? Oh, trust me,

I got some oilers on my

OnlyFans who buy the premium stuff. All it

takes is maybe 5 of them to pay up and

that's like $200.

I'll probably put like a little snippet

and then I'll say full video in your DMs,

$25.

You usually make maybe 60% from the

subscriptions and then 40% from like

personal private PPP videos.

Yeah, that's how the girls do it. Most

girls don't put the good stuff. Just for

the membership. Because I subscribed to

Belle Delphine's OnlyFans for like $35 a

month. I only did it one month just to see

what's on it, and there was nothing on it.

It was just like her normal sexy pics,

but no, she didn't show anything.

Everything, like, she put the tape over

the nipples, never showed any bits. And

then you had to pay, I don't know, like

$50 for the special videos.

So this is,

um, a normal practice in the industry.

What do people ask you to do in private on

OnlyFans? A lot of feet stuff. I haven't

really done anything for special

requests. I've got some old feet stuff.

I might post that if they're new. They

wouldn't have seen it yet.

Yeah, I can't really imagine signing up to

a girl's OnlyFans.

I'd have to, like, really like the girl.

But then there's, there's 100 girls who

look like that for free on The Hub.

So you would have to like really like a

specific— I only did the Belle Delphine

thing because I wanted to make a video and

I thought it was gonna go viral because at

the time Belle Delphine was quite a hot

topic,

but it didn't get any views.

Yeah, I can't imagine. I mean, there's

quite— there's this girl on Instagram.

She's got— she's like really short and

slim, but she's got a massive bum,

but she doesn't show her face. So if I

can't see the face, I want to see the

face. Face is like make or break deal.

Deal breaker.

We need to distribute on what videos goes

to who. Yeah, true.

What if we just had the same videos?

Because I'm pretty sure gay guys will sub

to mine and then the straight guys would

sub to yours. I don't know.

Daniel never had someone fly to him

before. I have. Mila flew to London for

me. Turkish girl flew to Germany for me.

Russian girl was gonna fly to Korea for

me, but I said, probably not a good idea

because I was all depressed and stuff. I

didn't want to have to, like— I thought I

was scared that I thought I was going to

end up with another Turkish girl

Why am I wearing a sweater? Because it's

kind of cold inside of the house. The

house doesn't receive any sunlight. This

part of the house. So the roof and like

the upstairs shields it from the sun.

There's— this room has no exposure to the

sun. When the sun rises, it hits the

kitchen in the front of the house. When

the sun sets, it hits the conservatory.

So this room never gets hit by sun and

it's always kind of cold in here.

Yeah, there was a Russian girl. It was

when I divorced Chihiro and I was in that

Airbnb in Korea. She, she was like really

trying to convince me to let her come and

visit me, but I kept saying no. She was

like, oh, I don't mind if you don't like

me. We can still bang. Oh, I don't mind if

you want to play Rainbow Six. I was like,

I don't know, I'm like in

my, in my emo phase.

I feel like maybe I should have said yes

in hindsight.

I'm not insecure. I'm just actually cold.

It's not hot in my house.

It was freezing in the morning. I left the

house about 7. Stupid windows all fogged

up. Why isn't my debt going down? Because

I haven't been paid by YouTube yet and my

stocks aren't at a level where I want to

sell. Although Ethereum is ripping.

It's funny, my, my £300 or

£200 in Ethereum is going to make more

money than my £4,000 in stocks

because my stock's just not moving at all.

Oh my God, Ethereum's at £2,500.

God damn, look at that. I'm going to make

more money from Ethereum than my entire

stock portfolio. And I only put a couple

hundred into Ethereum. So stupid.

Look, my stock money is going up, not

because of my stocks, but because of

crypto. Thank God I bought some. I got

paid one week about a month ago. And I

just put it all into Ethereum. Thank God.

Yeah, better not talk about stocks or

people whining about how boring it is,

but then end up writing paragraphs and

paragraphs about the most boring things

ever. Like, oh, steroids. Like they have

an in-depth conversation about steroids

and taking hormones, but then stocks, oh,

so boring.

As if steroids is such an interesting

topic. Jesus Christ,

imagine thinking money is boring.

God, I hate steroid talk. Just shut up.

T-R-E-N-O-I-D-S.

Shut the fuck up about your fucking

steroids. Don't fucking care.

Most boring conversation ever is probably

racial politics, steroids, and I

don't know, those are the 2 things I hate

having to hear about. Like, oh,

Indian people this, Indian people,

Chinese people that, Muslim people. I

don't fucking care. Everyone's stupid.

Racial people go on and on and on about

fucking Indian people, Indian, Indian

people. Who fucking cares? Whatever.

Just let Indian people do their thing.

There's like a million different species

of ants. Do you think they all sit around

talking about all the different types of

ant species?

Yeah, every single creature in the world

has different types, like different

species. Why do

we have to go on and on and on about it

like it's some, oh wow, there's brown

people and there's black people, there's

yellow people. So what? Who cares?

Fucking hell, imagine caring.

Not a single creature on this planet only

has one type where they all look the same.

Most boring topic ever.

And then you have the audacity to say that

stock talk is boring. Get a grip.

What even the hell?

What were we talking about? I forgot now.

Yeah, my financial plans.

Hmm.

I got distracted.

Yeah. So June I'll be debt-free apart

from the Amazon debt. But that's a monthly

payment and it makes no difference if I

pay all at once. I asked them, I said, if

I pay all at once, would it be less money?

And they said, no, you still got to pay

the agreed interest. So there's no point

paying it all at once then, is there? If

it's like zero interest or the interest

doesn't change if I pay it off quickly,

there's no point paying it off quickly.

Still no sex though, delivery man.

Imagine the airport customs have

to see what's inside of the box to clear

it for customs. And they see that massive

male torso with a dick. I wonder

if they checked inside,

especially since it's coming from China.

They could have hid opium up its bumhole

or something. Imagine like this, the

border control guy fisting the anus to

Probe it,

scan it with X-ray. Yeah, probably. And

then what, I see a massive dildo and

ballsack? Like, it looks like a severed

torso. I mean, if it looks like a severed

torso, it could actually be a severed

torso. How would they know just by doing

an X-ray? Unless they took it out. Maybe

they take it out because they have to

check to make sure it's not actually a

severed torso.

You know what I'm thinking? You know, in

the thrusting dildo that Crypt got me.

Why can't I cut open the rubber

and then take out the mechanism and then

put that into the sex dolls, will it?

No, it'll just be a massive mess, won't

It'll be like Manchester again where I've

got to stitch up the dildo. Best not to.

No, I end up just ruining both of them. I

Last time I tried using super glue to

fix it back together, and the super glue

dried all hard and jagged. And then I had

to like use my scissors, probably these

ones actually, to cut the jagged bits off.

But it was still just too jagged, I

couldn't get it in there safely.

Dan has been shadow banned for 6 years.

Yeah, I only get some growth when some

other big channel talks about me. I never

get any natural growth.

People only find the channel if some

bigger YouTuber talks about me.

Hmm. Weird, isn't it?

I remember back in 2018 when my channel

took off, it was like every video was

going viral almost, or even older videos

were getting hundreds of thousands of

views. All of a sudden my channel just

pops off and then even random stuff like

Don't Call My Wife My Mum got 200K and

then they just switched it off and

nothing. Yeah, 1,000 viewers.

My best ever livestream, I think I got

about 1,200 viewers,

but I could only get those viewers if I

had like a breakup drama and I

was storming out. I can't believe we,

we're now at 100 viewers.

Those were the good old days. 500, 600

Oh, hi, Kale. Any updates?

Any juicy gossips? We haven't talked

in ages. Last time we talked, I was

probably with Sunny still. It was probably

like 3 fights ago.

I think I was— I think last time we

talked, I wasn't even in this house. I was

in the Oakhampton place after the first

I can't believe that was only 2 months

100 is still not bad.

Yeah, I guess so. It's just that a healthy

channel that has 100K subs should be

getting a couple thousand viewers. But my

channel's old. It's like a dying old man.

Which reminds me, that guy Tokyo Drew died

today. He was this small

channel, like a Canadian guy in Japan

did vlogs. I didn't know. I didn't

remember, but I realized that he actually

messaged me on Instagram like seven years

ago. He wanted to ask me

if it was okay if he puts me on his

website. I said okay.

I don't know what website he had, like a.

Japan tourism website and he wanted to

feature me.

Do I miss my ex-girlfriend? Which one?

I've had 2 ex-girlfriends within a year

Maybe I can make a hat trick. 3rd

ex-girlfriend within a year.

Who wants to be my next ex-girlfriend?

That's so tragic sounding, but we know

it's going to happen. I have a 100%,

100% getting dumped ratio.

I hate all this waiting. I can't wait to

get my YouTube money. I can't wait to get

my job money. Can't wait until next month.

20 days to go.

What happened to my idea, buy things in

Japan and sell it in the UK?

Uh, I got banned from selling on

eBay because Loads of people bought my

products and then I ran out of the

products and I didn't want to refund them,

so they mass reported me.

And eBay were like, if you don't refund

the money, we're gonna have to send the

bailiffs. So I sent the money and

then eBay banned me from selling.

I bought all of the knife sharpeners on

Japan Amazon. There was none left. I

bought all the stock and then I sold it on

eBay. I was going to the post office all

the time with like 10 sharpening stones to

post. And then

I had loads of orders. I had thousands of

pounds coming in. I didn't have the stock.

And then people were getting pissed. So

annoying. Would have been a good little

business. It's like dropshipping,

I guess. I saw

all the money coming in. I didn't want to

give it back. I got greedy.

Yeah, I bought it in Japan for like maybe

£20 and then I sold it on eBay for like

£50. It was so good.

I saw these other people doing it and I

copied them, but they weren't doing— they

were doing like magazines, you know, like

the Japanese magazines you find in

convenience stores. They would take a

photo of them and then post on eBay for

like unknown £10 when they only cost maybe

a couple pounds in the convenience store.

So I tried that, but it didn't really

work. So then I just started doing random

items and then randomly discovered people

really want Japanese whetstones and

are willing to pay like £50 for them.

I've got loads of them in my bedroom, the

ones I didn't sell.

Which is weird because the problem was I

didn't have stock, but then how come I've

got stock? I don't really remember

what happened now.

What about merch? People don't really buy

my old merch. I haven't made any new ones.

I would need an iPad.

I don't really know what new merch I'd

make. Maybe some quotes like above

and beyond with a little space rocket.

No merch. Not enough people buy the merch

to make it worth doing. I only made a

couple thousand pounds from merch and

you would need to make a video to promote

OnlyFans is way more profitable and

easier.

Although, I mean, if I had an iPad and I

did a storytime, I wouldn't mind drawing

some merch to go with it. I just don't

really want to buy an iPad.

It's quite a nice drawing sometimes when

you get everything looking good and then

you can start doing the shading and the

cross-hatching. It was quite relaxing.

I ordered this hydrophobic spray.

I'm going to spray it on my glasses. I

wonder if it rains, would the drops stick

to the glasses anymore or just roll off?

I'm gonna spray it on my car window as

well. I wonder if it rains, it just rolls

right off so I don't need the wipers

anymore. That'd be pretty cool.

Have I learned anything from my job loss

scare?

Hmm, I rang a few doorbells today, but

still mostly couldn't be bothered.

Also, I was delivering really early and

it's Saturday. I don't want to wake people

up. Most people are still sleeping. I

mean, it's a Saturday. They're sleeping

in, not wanting to answer the door

at 7 AM in the morning. So I'm trying to

respect them.

Because I know I— if I was in bed having

sex and it's Saturday morning and then

stupid door starts getting banged on, I'd

No, I'm not scared if the video's up.

If anything, they should be scared. That

video could go viral and then I could sue

them. So that's probably why they—

you know why I think they contacted me is

because of the video. Don't you think?

Don't you think it's a weird coincidence

that after I put the video up, oh, I

suddenly get unbanned? Yeah,

that's what you get for messing with me.

I'm a viral sensation.

Companies can get quite scared of social

media posts because if they can go viral,

it looks bad for them. They would probably

pay me money to take it down.

That's probably why they got my job back.

I'm getting hungry. I might have rice.

I need to finish those fried courgette

things and some battered

sausage. Maybe just one. I've got a rash

in them now. I'm gonna stir-fry some

onions and peppers. Too bad I don't have

like black bean sauce or something. Mm,

sweet and sour sauce would be quite nice.

How'd you make that? Isn't it

like ketchup and vinegar?

Oh, I got ketchup and lemon juice.

Can I make sweet and sour sauce?

Yeah, the idea for content is definitely

the most important thing. I recently keep

getting recommended this economics channel

called Primate Economics,

and it's just like MSS— MS Paint of

gorillas and bananas. And the guy goes,

when gorilla buy banana, gorilla make

money. But banana becomes

scarce. Gorilla is sad. Price of banana

go up. And he gets like half a million

views on his stuff and he just started a

few months ago. It's crazy.

I kind of like it though. Very unique.

Never seen anything like that before.

So when I started on YouTube, the reason

why I got attention and managed to grow

a channel was because I was very unique.

No one was doing what I was doing.

No one would like admit they cheated or

admit they had chlamydia or admit to all

these dark things. So I managed to stand

out because I made content like no one

else did.

And then people started copying me. Now

everyone's like, oh, I'm 50 years old with

no future, sad and depressed.

I would not have gotten anywhere on

YouTube if I didn't do this because I was

doing YouTube for like 3 years before I

had any growth. I started in 2014 and

it wasn't until 2017 that it grew because

I started making very personal videos from

2016. But the first 2 years I was like

trying to do camera videos and coding

videos, and then I started using it as a

That's how I gained popularity.

I mean, I still talk about that stuff. I

just Do

you think it would still work if I tried

to reinvigorate a similar aura?

It would just be kind of cringe. I mean,

it was funny as a young guy doing it, but

now as someone nearly 40, it's getting

kind of cringe talking

about fall skins and stuff.

Also, there's just not really anything

new. Like, no new STDs,

no new sexual revelations that blew

my mind.

You must have made millions. No, I made

about $200K. It's all gone now.

I traveled the world, slept with many

women, ate amazing food.

I was able to buy the latest tech, gaming

laptops.

All gone. I didn't invest any of it. I

didn't save any of it. Didn't even invest

a penny until it was too late.

And then lost about $30K to taxes and

I was so upset because, you know, after

all the Chihiro marriage stuff ended, I

thought, okay, I've ruined my life and

I've ruined my marriage and everyone hates

me, but at least I got like $30K savings.

And then I lost that too. And then I got

depressed because I felt like I've got

nothing to show for it. I don't even have

the money anymore. Went through all that

and I got nothing left from it.

I saw a video you did about how

you're going to sell stocks to pay off

your car and mum. Yeah, that was before I

moved here. The plan at Christmas was I

was going to stop doing Amazon Flex and

then I was just going to sell my stocks

and then pay my mum with that money. And

then focus on YouTube and then rebuild my

stocks. But then ended up moving here.

And then instead of selling my stocks to

pay my mum, I sold my stocks to pay for

rent and deposits and stuff.

Yeah, I know the total earned. If I go to

lifetime analytics, it'll say the exact

number. It's like $100K. And then like

$15K from the second channel and then $40K

OnlyFans. And then there must be at least

$20K worth of donos and merch and Patreon,

I guess around $200K.

No, I'm not showing it.

I remember there was like a stigma against

showing it and people were scared you get

banned for showing it. And then that Vexed

guy was one of the few who did show it and

everyone was like, oh wow, this is

amazing.

And I was impressed because he made like,

I don't know, $20K in a month.

I would love to see some big YouTubers'

analytics like MrBeast. It probably just—

I thought it'd be a very long number, but

it's probably shortened to like 1.2M.

I'm just waiting for

my delivery first. I probably won't open

it. There's no point because I can't use

it. I probably should rest for 2 weeks to

repair.

Oh, who's this?

I'm pretty sure he'll come in a van.

There's a gray car parked outside with

its boot open.

I got shit all over my bedsheets. I had

to put it in the washing. I don't know

how gay— do gay guys just get shit all

over the place?

It gets kind of messy because

I did do a poop, but it didn't all come

out. There was still like a tiny bit right

at the top, right at the back,

but it ended up getting all mixed with the

lube and then like coming out.

Liquefied. Little black cat patrolling.

Hmm, I don't know, it's like a car just

sat outside. I don't

think that's mine.

Why do people cut credit cards in half

when they declare that they're not going

to use it anymore? They get all dramatic

and then they cut it in half. But you can

still use it. I never use the physical

card. I always use— you just use the

online app. When do you ever use the

physical card? It's so meaningless. It's

like in movies when they're getting

chased, so they snap their phones in half

so they're no longer trackable. But all

they did was they snapped the screen off

the phone. Surely the SIM card would still

be functional in the other half of the

phone. Yeah, back when they had flip

phones, they'd be like, they're onto us,