2nd week of unemployment

It's over. It's over. The nightmare's

over. My last ever shift. Won't have to

walk up this stupid road anymore.

Ah, I'm free. I'm free. I'm free

again. I can take back my life. Don't have

to deal with those idiots anymore. I don't

have to deal with those Irish people

anymore.

Hey,

so I just entered my second week of

unemployment, and I just wanted to make

this video to talk about how I feel, talk

about feelings, stuff like that. So I

think a few of you have noticed that in my

recent videos I seem kind of depressed,

kind of down. And yeah, I guess I was

feeling kind of depressed. I don't know

why. I think I was going through some kind

of mood swing. But I think that's over

now, and I feel a lot better today. I feel

more energetic.

I didn't really feel depressed or sad. I

just felt really drained, like I had no

energy, like I had no motivation or, or

enthusiasm to do anything. And I don't

know what caused that. I think there was a

number of things that were causing that.

For example, maybe it's because it's

really hot. It's been really hot recently,

and wearing 2 shirts doesn't really help

that, and not having air conditioning in

this whole house doesn't really help that

either. We don't have air conditioning

because in England it's only really hot

for like 2 weeks. That's how long the

summer lasts for, so it doesn't really

feel like it's worth getting air

conditioning for that short amount of

time. Also, I've been trying to adjust to

my new lifestyle where I don't have to go

to work anymore, and it's kind of strange.

I've— I was working at that place for 9

months, which doesn't really sound like

that long. It felt like a long time. I

wasn't even there for a year, but it felt

like I was there for such a long time,

like I was there every single day standing

behind that stupid cash register serving

idiotic customers and having to work with

that. So what have I been doing all this

time? Well, pretty much every day all day

I've been doing Japanese translation work.

Around the same time that I quit my job,

I suddenly got loads of translation work

come in, which is great, but at the same

time it's kind of stressful. Just because

I know how to speak Japanese doesn't mean

that translating is easy. It can be really

tricky sometimes. Sometimes it is really

easy. For example, when all you have to

do is translate a simple paragraph or an

easy-to-understand comic, you know, times

like that it's really easy to do

translation. But then sometimes you get

these people who want you to translate

things like scientific documents or

medical documents, and I don't even

understand what most of it means in

English, so I have to find out what every

single word means and then translate that

into Japanese and then put that into a

sentence that makes sense in Japanese,

and it can take a lot of time. It can be

very time-consuming, and it's boring.

It's not fun. Translating isn't fun. You

just sit there typing out this stuff that

you don't really care about, and then most

of the time there are a lot of words I

don't know how to say in Japanese because

I just don't use those words when I speak

to Japanese girls. Like, when I talk to

Japanese girls, I'm not talking to them

about scientific stuff or medical stuff,

so Of course, I don't know how to say

those things in Japanese. I barely even

know what they mean in English. So yeah,

translation can be boring and tough and

challenging at times, but it's always been

a dream of mine to work from home to earn

money using the skills I have by doing

something online on the internet. And I

never thought that the day would come

where I could actually use my Japanese

ability, my Japanese language skills, to

earn money. I never really decided to

learn Japanese to make money. The only

reason I decided to learn Japanese in the

first place was so I could watch anime

without subtitles and so that I could talk

to Japanese girls. That was it. I didn't

go, oh, maybe I should learn Japanese so I

could get a job in the future or I could

make money in the future. No, that's not

how it happened. It was basically a skill

that I gained out of this obsession for

Japanese girls, I guess. And it's kind of

nice that it's finally paying me. I'm

finally able to make money from this skill

or this ability, and yeah, I'm pretty

happy about that. It's kind of strange not

having a job anymore. Yeah, when I had a

job, it was stressful and it was boring,

and I felt really pressured, and I didn't

have any time. I didn't have enough time

to do the things that I really wanted to

do, but it gave my life structure. It gave

me routine, like I knew what to do every

day. I had a set routine that I did every

day. Like, I woke up, I did some stuff on

the internet, then I went to work, then I

came home, and it was like the same thing

every day. It sounds boring, but when you

get into a routine, into a pattern, it

feels like— it feels normal,

like you're supposed to do that. And then

when suddenly when that gets taken away

from you, it feels like you don't know

what to do anymore. Like, what am I

supposed to do now? I feel kind of lost.

I don't really know what I want to do now.

I guess I want to concentrate on

translating and making videos and doing

drawings to add to my art portfolio. And

eventually plan the trip to Japan, I

guess. I'm not sure when that's gonna be.

I am interested in taking another really

long trip to Japan. It's just that my last

really long trip to Japan last year was

just such a complete disaster. I was in a

really bad place mentally, and it

was just— it was really bad. I was really

depressed. I couldn't find a girlfriend.

That was one of the main reasons. I wasn't

interested in talking to people. I felt

really depressed about living in the

guesthouse. I really wanted to come home

and concentrate on doing things like

YouTube and stuff like that. But the thing

is, when I do come home and I do get to do

the things I want to do, I start missing

Japan again, and I start feeling like I

want to go back there, and I want to start

meeting people again and start socializing

and do, do things like go out drinking or

go out to restaurants or go to karaoke or

meet girls and go to pubs and do stuff

like that, you know, like normal social

stuff. I miss having a social life, I

guess. It's kind of like this never-ending

cycle. When I'm in Japan, I end up getting

really homesick and I really want to come

home because I miss living in my house and

having peace and quiet and privacy, and I

get to do whatever I want whenever I want.

But then when I'm at home, I start feeling

lonely and I start feeling like I miss

having a social life, and I end up, I end

up wanting to go back to Japan really

badly. I'm still living this nocturnal

lifestyle. I'm not sleeping at night.

I'm, I'm going to sleep at like 5 AM and

then waking up at 1 PM or 2 PM in the

afternoon. I know I was saying that one of

the main reasons why I wanted to quit my

job in the first place was because I

really missed sleeping at night. Turns out

I don't really care that much about

sleeping at night. I just really didn't

like working at night. I'm trying to fix

my sleeping pattern. Today I woke up at 12

PM instead of 1 PM or 2 PM, so that's an

hour earlier, which is better. It just

feels like— it feels kind of depressing if

you wake up in the afternoon. It feels

like you've wasted half the day and you

haven't actually done anything, so I

really want to go back to sleeping during

the nights instead of staying up all

night. And, um, yeah, I'm gonna try waking

up at 11 AM tomorrow instead of 12 PM. I

thought that if I quit my job, I'd be more

productive, more energetic, and more

happy, but it doesn't really feel like

that's happened. Maybe it feels like the

opposite has happened. I feel less

energetic and less productive. I just feel

like I have more time than I had before,

but I'm not using that time to be more

productive. I'm not using that time to do

more things. I'm just doing the same

amount of things that I was doing before,

but at a slower pace, and I'm sleeping

more. So it does feel a bit strange.

I don't really know if, if I feel happier

because I don't have to go to work

anymore. I feel less stressed out and more

relaxed, but I don't really know if I feel

happier about it. I guess there was

something fulfilling about having a job,

even though I hated the job and it was

really boring. After finishing an 8-hour

shift and coming home and resting, and

getting paid, it felt fulfilling, like I

earned it. Or is it earned it?

Earned it? Earned— I think it's earned it,

isn't it? Strange. I guess I still get

the same kind of sense of fulfillment

after finishing a piece of translation

work, but it's not quite the same. I think

it'll take a few more weeks until I fully

adjust to this new lifestyle of not having

to go to work, but I think somehow I'll be

able to manage with it. I'll be able to

cope with this new challenge in life. So

yeah, don't worry about me, guys. I'll be

fine. Everything's gonna be okay.