Talking to strangers terrifies me

Welcome to another late-night chat time.

So I have to go to Japan pretty soon,

and I'm really starting to get nervous

about it because I'm going to stay in a

guest house, and this guest house is

pretty big. It's like 4 floors. It must

have at least 100 rooms, so it's like 100

people, but it's usually not crowded

because, well, everyone goes to work at

different times. And they wake up at

different times, so I don't really think

it feels like— I don't really think

there's 100 people staying there. It's

probably like 30 to 50. Anyway,

what I usually do is I sit in

the living room because it's a shared

living room. So all the rooms are private,

so you have like the different floors and

then there's rooms on every floor,

obviously. And the kitchen and living room

is shared. And usually people hang out in

the living room, just like eating,

chatting. And that's why it's a bit scary,

because people like form into groups. You

have like a group here, group there of

people. And when you're new and you don't

know anyone, you're like, what do I do? I

don't know any of these people. Do I just

randomly suddenly approach a group and

just say Hi, I'm Daniel. And then,

then what? It's just so awkward. I guess

what would happen if I had the guts to do

that would be they'd say, oh, hello, have

a seat, and then it'll be fine. But it's

not so easy for me. I just get so anxious

and nervous about it. I feel like I'd

get rejected, like no one would want to

talk to me, or I'd end up sitting with

them, but then not saying anything and

just staring at my phone. So usually I

avoid the groups and I just sit on my own

doing my own thing until, until someone

approaches me. I did try a few times to

approach people and start a conversation,

but it always, it always failed. I

approached this one guy. I think he was

German. Last time, and I was like, hi,

I'm Daniel. Who are you? And then he was

just like, I'm David. And then that was

it. He didn't say anything else. I was

like, okay, so I guess you don't really

want to talk. And then I never spoke to

him again. And then there were like a few

other times where I tried talking to

people, but it didn't really go anywhere.

Like, I never spoke to them again after

that. So it just— I just felt like,

what's the point? I put so much effort

into trying to talk to these people and I

get a negative response.

So my way of thinking from then was just,

I'm just gonna let people approach me. If

someone really wants to talk to me,

they'll approach me and start talking to

me. So that's what— that's what I usually

do. I just sit on my own until someone

comes to me. But the problem is sometimes

people don't come to me, don't approach

me, because I give off like this

aura, like this don't talk to me aura.

And I look pretty grumpy when I'm not

making any facial expressions. I mean,

look, this is my— this is my neutral face,

and I'll just be sitting there on my phone

like And it just looks like—

it looks like I don't want to talk to

people, or I don't want to be bothered,

but that's not true. I want people to

approach me, but I just feel so nervous,

and I don't want to just be sitting there

smiling at nothing. Like,

that would just be even weirder. I don't

know what to do. So I have like a dilemma.

What do I do on the first day that I get

there? Do I Obviously, the first thing

that's going to happen is I'm going to go

to my room to unpack. Then the tricky

thing is, what do I do afterwards? Do I go

downstairs into the living room when I

don't really have anything to do in the

living room? I could prepare food.

That could— that could make it look like

I'm— I have something to do. Or I

could just go out straight away, which I

kind of need to. I need to do like some

shopping. Buy some essential items like

toothpaste,

towels, I guess. And then I guess I just

walk around for a bit, make a video, and

then come back in the evening. The

evening's just as worse because in the

evening everyone comes out to eat, to make

food, and it's like really crowded. I

think it's worse when it's crowded because

there's so many people and I don't know

where to go. I don't know where to stand,

I don't know where to sit. At least if

there's like a few people here and there,

I can like— I can like observe

them and see if I want to try and approach

them. It's not as intimidating.

I don't know. I don't know what to do.

The worst thing that could happen is I go

to the living room and I just sit there on

my own and I don't No one— and I don't

talk to anyone and no one talks to me,

then I go to bed. I'd feel pretty

disappointed if that happened. I want to

like say hello to at least one person.

So that's what I've been thinking about

pretty much all day.

It's not really a problem here because

right now I'm at a friend's house and

there's no one else here, but it's been

such a long time since I've been to like a

guest house. And I've had to talk to

strangers and make friends or interact

with people. The last time I went to like

a big guesthouse like that was in 2013.

3 years ago.

I've been like— basically I've been like a

shut-in in my parents' house for almost 3

years and it doesn't help with like the

confidence. Levels, it doesn't help at

all. It just makes it worse. But the

toughest part is always in the beginning

when you don't know anyone. After you get

to know a few people and you start finding

your group, it gets a lot easier.

That's what I've learned from experience.

So hopefully there'll be some nice people

over there who friendly and not

intimidating. I don't know,

it would be nice if there's like some

English-speaking people. The first time I

went there, there were a lot of English

speakers, like Swedish people and

Americans. The second time I went there,

there were a lot of Thai people from

Thailand and Vietnamese people, and I

found it hard to communicate with them

because the Japanese is kind of not so

great and they don't speak English and I

don't really know how to relate to them or

what to talk about. So it would

be nice if there were some English

speakers this time. What would you do if

it was you in the same situation? You

didn't know anyone and you want to get to

know people but you feel really shy and

anxious about it and you're not the kind

of person— I'm not the kind of person who

can just walk up to a group of strangers

and just introduce myself.