DO NOT BUY Stellar Blade - PC Port REVIEW

Hello, welcome back to a new video. So

Stellar Blade has finally made its way to

the PC, and it's kind of boring, bland,

and disappointing. It is a game full of

slim hot women who do melee combat

with aliens, and you might think that

sounds pretty cool and everything, and

yeah, the women are pretty hot, but it's

just like the game has been designed by

horny teenage boys, and the kind of people

who enjoy this game are probably horny

teenage boys who have never seen a real

woman in their entire lives. So I've been

dating women for 15 to 16 years, and trust

me, real women don't look anything like

this. This is what men wish women look

like. They really don't look like this. I

mean, look at the size of the bum and the

skinniness. Jesus Christ, I have never had

a girlfriend who looked anything like

this. So yeah, they've got nice bums, and

if you're a guy, you'll spend half the

time zooming up their backsides with the

camera angles, and then you get kind of

bored with that, and then you start to

wonder, okay, what is this game about?

This game is basically a boring

hack-and-slash game which is not really

much different to mobile games like

Wuthering Waves or

Genshin Impact. Or you know those games

like Genshin Impact on mobile which look

kind of nice, you know, got good graphics,

good animations and everything, but the

gameplay is basically just spam 2 attacks

over and over and over again. Spam light

attack, charge up a heavy attack, do a bit

of dodging, some blocking. That's it

really. That's the whole gameplay. You

fight against these enemies, these aliens,

and you just hack and slash at them over

and over again. You build up some kind of

boost power or like a guard thing. Now and

then you maybe get a special attack, but

the gameplay is extremely linear. The

gameplay is very dull and tedious and

repetitive. Repetitive. So the graphics

are okay, I guess, and it does run pretty

well even though my laptop is not one of

the best laptops in the industry, so I was

quite pleased that it ran smoothly enough,

but that wasn't enough to make me want to

keep or buy the game. I got kind of bored

after a while. The movement mechanics

aren't great. I don't know why, but it

just seems like it's not very responsive

as it could be. The controls also a bit

fiddly, like with keyboard and mouse. To

dodge, you've got to press Shift, which

is— you use it with your little finger,

which is kind of hard to press. To be

honest, I don't really like using my

little finger when I'm trying to do

complex melee combat with dodging and

attacks. It's just not my favorite finger

to use. It doesn't have a lot of power.

It's not very flexible. I don't know why a

button as important as dodging should be

used with the weakest finger on the hand.

So yeah, I would like to remap it.

Probably you can. I couldn't be bothered

because this game's shit. So anyway, you

just dodge around, maybe do some parries.

The combat is very dull. There's way too

many cutscenes of these girls just, I

don't know, messing around, and I don't

know why they've got such skin-tight

armor. I don't know if it's supposed to be

armor. I guess it's to show off their

massive booties. The environments kind of

look nice, I guess, but with the constant

explosions and rumbling and shaking, it

gets kind of annoying. I don't know why

there's so much shaking. It just made me

feel a bit sick, and it kind of disrupted

the gameplay in a way. I find the enemy

models very boring. Like, I don't know

what they're supposed to be. Are they

aliens? Are they some kind of zombie?

They don't look intelligent. They're just

like these mindless, stupid zombie things,

I guess, that rush at you. There's no kind

of, you know, it's not like an intelligent

alien species that coordinates attacks and

has some kind of master plan. It's just

like mindless dumb idiots and then big

bosses later on. You just get this boring

sword which just spins around, doesn't

really do anything. And her hair looks

like a massive trail of poo floating

around behind her back. Maybe if I was a

teenage boy, I would think this game looks

really cool, but it's the kind of game

where I would find it really cool and like

fall in love with the characters because

I've never experienced a real woman yet.

And then I'd find it really cool like

that, but I'd be embarrassed to let my

friends know that I'm playing this because

they'll be like, oh, why are you playing

this girly game where you're a girl?

Where she's got a massive bum and then

they'll call me gay, wouldn't they? I want

to play a game where I'm a tough alpha

male, like a Chad with muscles ripped,

grizzly and with a beard. I don't want to

play a little woman. I'm not a girl. So if

I was a horny teenage boy, I would feel

extremely embarrassed to even let people

know that I was playing this. So then you

got this boss who has 2 massive red balls

for hands, which is— I don't know if that

was a sexual innuendo on purpose or not.

So you're these little sexy women fighting

a massive monster with 2 massive red balls

being used to crush them, which is kind of

strange, and then it gets crushed by a

massive ship. Like, everything's just

constantly exploding all the time and

blowing up. You'd think Michael Bay was

behind making this game with all the

explosions. So unfortunately, I have to

give this game a 2.5 out of 10. Visuals

look okay, girls okay, they're pretty hot,

But it gets boring after a while. It's

just staring at the girls, and it also

makes me kind of depressed and horny

because, you know, I can't get— I don't

have a girl like this in my bedroom naked

right now, so what's the point? So yeah,

the game just makes me feel annoyed and

frustrated sexually, and the gameplay is

very boring, hack-and-slash, dull,

tedious, just like Genshin Impact.

And yeah, I feel like this should be on a

mobile, not a £60 PC release or console

release. Yeah, not really impressed with

this. Not really interested in just

gooning at girls all day long, so

whatever. Boring game.