[2022-01-01] Last Stream Of 2021 (As A Woman) [NWOuwIF02G8]

This looks weird.

It's the last day of 2021,

6 hours left. Here in the UK.

Oh, 2022 better be good.

Got some new outfits,

might try later.

Is there a lockdown in Manchester? I don't

think so. Oh yeah, it's a Friday

night, isn't it? And the streets are

pretty empty.

I think it's because it's New Year's.

People— I think people spend New Year's at

home instead of going out. On Christmas

Day, the streets were empty. There was

like one person walking at most.

I can't believe it's been 5 days.

When was Christmas? On Saturday, wasn't

it? It's been 6 days since Christmas now.

Feels like it was ages ago. No way, it

feels like it was just yesterday. I'm not

sure when it feels like it was. Now. I

kind of just jumped into this rabbit

hole of game development and days

just go past like minutes now.

I'm not sure what to do first.

I might show you the game later because if

I start talking about the game, I reckon I

can stop talk about game development for

Let's talk about the game now. The game is

going so well. Oh my God, I don't even

know where to start. So I first— I wasted

my money buying the stupid MacBook, so I

need to return this MacBook because I

don't really need it anymore. Okay, let me

begin with— it started

last Monday after I came back from the

date with the tall woman, the tall mother

woman who I went on a date with on

Saturday. Was it Saturday or was it

Sunday? No, it was Sunday, wasn't it? I

went to that date. The very next day I got

this MacBook on Monday to start learning

coding. I spent like a week learning

how to code on Xcode And the most I could

do was make these really basic apps with a

little button and image and make the apps

do different things. And I was getting

really stressed out because

it seemed so difficult, and none of this

was helping me get towards starting to

make a game. How's making these stupid

apps with little buttons gonna help me

make a game? And I was getting really

stressed out, and I nearly gave up. I had

a bit of a tantrum about coding, and I

took a break for a whole day, didn't touch

the MacBook. And then I kind of came back

to it, and then I found this new program

called GameMaker Studio 2,

which is so good. It's like— how do you

even describe it? It's like Xcode,

but it's specifically for game making,

hence the name GameMaker Studio. Xcode is—

yeah, you can make games in Xcode, but

most people don't. Xcode is mainly for

making apps. And yeah, there is like a

SpriteKit in Xcode, but most people who

really want to make a game, they're not

going to use Xcode. So I was searching for

days and days for Xcode tutorials on how

to make a game, and there was just like 2

that were uploaded quite recently. All the

rest are like 6, 7 years ago, and all

softwares were outdated since then.

And I couldn't find any good tutorials to

copy from apart from just like how to make

an app, how to make a menu, and how to

make a search bar.

So I got— I suddenly found out about

this program called GameMaker Studio, and

there's loads of tutorials on how to make

actual games. And I found this one guy,

he's so good. It's called Sean something,

Sean Spaulding, and he has a 27-part

tutorial series on how to make a

platforming game, which is exactly what I

wanted. He basically has a step-by-step

video tutorial series on how to make

exactly what I wanted to make, which was

basically just like a platformer where you

jump and there's enemies and they shoot

and they run up and down. That's really

just what I wanted. As a foundation, and I

binge-watched his whole series for like 4

days straight, completely copied

all his code word by word. So I had

exactly what he had, except I had my own

artwork instead of what he used. So I got

the exact same results he had. And then

the last few days I've been trying to

learn how the code works so I can change

it and tweak it and add my own things to

it. Oh, there's so much to do,

and it's so— it takes such a long time to

try and understand what the code does

because I, I can't just copy it. I need

to, I need to know and understand how it

works so I can make changes to it.

Otherwise I'll just be stuck with what he

made, and I don't really want exactly what

he made. I want the basics to be what you

made, and then I want to add stuff on top

So I was using GameMaker Studio on the

MacBook Air for a few days, and then I

realized, wait, I can use my— I can use

GameMaker Studio on my laptop on Windows.

So I just transferred all my save files

over to my Windows laptop.

And then downloaded Game Maker Studio on

the laptop, which is so much better

because I've got a mouse and I've got a

bigger screen. And now I don't even use

the MacBook Air anymore apart from to

watch you know what on it. It's quite good

because I can just carry it over to the

bed and open up full screen, and it's

really light. There's no fan, the battery

lasts very long. Can't— don't really want

to do that with my big heavy gaming

laptop. So right now, MacBook Air,

I just use it for big screen Adult

entertainment.

Get an iPad. I got an iPad. The problem

with iPad is, um, you need a stand,

otherwise it falls over. But the MacBook,

you can just open it and it stands up on

its own. It's kind of hard to balance if

it's on a flat surface. Yeah, it's easy to

have a stand for the iPad and it will stay

stable, but when you're on the bed and

you're trying to put the iPad on top of

your laps on a blanket, it's very unstable

and wobbly and it just falls over all the

So I don't know if I want to refund the

MacBook because I bought it in using six

months installments. So it's not like.

It's not like I've suddenly had

to spend loads of money and then I would

get loads of money back by refunding it.

It's costing me like £150 every month for

6 months, so I don't really— I don't even

notice the £150 being added or taken away.

And I think I'm gonna need it anyway

eventually because at the moment I'm

developing the game as a PC game. It's got

mouse and keyboard controls.

Eventually I would like to be able to make

an iOS port and put it on the App Store as

well. I'm not sure how, because how would

I get keyboard and mouse controls onto an

iPad game, iPhone game?

Why am I making a game? Yeah, that's a

good question. I don't know.

Why am I making a game now? When after my

channel died, when I could have made it,

when I actually had pretty big viewership

and making a game would have made more

money. Oh, thanks Ricky.

Happy New Year to you too.

Yeah, I guess it'll be the new year for

some people. We can stream into the new

year. The last stream of 2021,

first stream of 2022.

Um,

yeah, I don't know why I never thought of

making a game until now.

It's just in 2018 I

was obsessed with the idea of being a

YouTuber. So doing all these other side

projects like making a game or doing

stocks or doing anything else was just

completely out of my mind. Some of you

might have noticed that I'm like a very

one-track-minded person. If I get really

into one thing, I kind of lose interest in

everything else. It really sucks, to be

honest. So 2018, '19, I was like

really into the idea of being a YouTuber

and then everything else— why would I

bother doing anything else when I could be

doing this, which is making loads of money

and it's really easy? But now I'm just

kind of bored with the idea of being a

YouTuber. It's not really going anywhere,

is it? It's just kind of getting worse and

worse and smaller and smaller. So I wanted

to try something new. That could be fun

and also challenging.

And I thought the idea of having a game

where I'm in it and then the enemies and

the levels are references to my videos and

stuff, I thought that'd be really funny.

And I feel like there's quite a lot of

people who still watch me who would be,

who'd be up for buying it if it's just

like $2. Oh, thanks,

Milk Eggs. Happy New Year to you

too.

What do people normally do on New Year's?

I don't usually do anything. Even when I

was living at home, we would just— I think

usually my mum would cook another turkey

and then relatives used to come over and

people used to come over. It wasn't really

a big deal.

So I did a community poll and I said, if I

made a game, would you buy it for $2? And

like 1,500 people said yes. I don't know

if they're trolling me or if they were

actually serious, but if, if 1,000+

people would be willing to buy a game—

speaking outside my door— if 1,000 people

would be willing to buy my game and I

charge like $3, that's quite a nice—

I really can't concentrate on speaking

when someone's interrupting me.

Yeah,

he's gone. Oh, I hate living outside

stupid elevator. What was I saying?

Um, yeah, I was saying if 1,000 people

voted yes saying they would buy it, and

assuming they're not trolling and they

would actually buy it,

the monetary incentive is there to, to

make the game. I mean, to not make the

game would be saying— would be like saying

I don't want money. So if people are

winning saying they're going to buy it

Even if it's like 100 people who say they

would buy it, I would make it.

And the reason why I gave up making games

all the way back in 2015 was because it

didn't make any money. No one bought it.

And that's because I had no one to sell it

to. I was just like a nobody. And the game

wasn't to get— I don't even know how you

get people to buy your game if you don't

have a following. I guess You could pay

someone who does have a following to

promote it for you. Oh, I could pay

PewDiePie to promote it for me. How much

money do you think PewDiePie charges for

like a sponsorship? Do you think it's like

£20,000 for PewDiePie to play the game?

I don't know. How could I get more sales

on it?

Having your own following is really the

best way to get maximum sales, but my

following is just getting smaller and

smaller, and I don't know what's happening

recently. Maybe it's because it's

Christmas or New Year's, but my last video

only got 4,000 views, and even when I

livestream, I barely even get 100+ people.

It's like my channel has just taken

another blow in It's like dropped

another level in amount of people

who watch it, watch the channel. So I

don't know if that's because of New Year's

or Christmas and people are busy.

Hopefully it picks back up in January.

How's the Essex girl? After the last

livestream, she messaged me again the next

day, but then after that we stopped

talking again. And she didn't even tell me

what the reason was that she stopped

talking to me. What was the point

contacting me then? I don't get it.

She made all this fuss when I was

streaming on Christmas, messaging me and

phoning me, said we would talk about

tomorrow, and then next day comes and then

she just said she wasn't feeling very

good.

And then she didn't tell— she still didn't

tell me what the actual reason was.

Uh, now she's not replying again, so I

She said she was upset Because I lied to

her about having sex with Pia.

Because I think— I don't remember, it was

a long time ago now, but Pia came to my

house around the time when me and Essex

Girl were chatting a lot, and I told Essex

Girl that Pia was at my house.

I don't think— I don't remember. I don't

think she asked me if we had sex, so I

just didn't tell her. I never said we

didn't have sex.

I don't know if that really had much of an

effect on the whole thing,

but then why does it matter? Because it's

not like me and Essex Girl were together.

Why would it matter if I had sex with Pia

Again, Caesium messing up stuff, ruining

my life.

If she's watching now, she knows. Yeah,

she already knew, cuz I think I,

I was streaming and I was saying that we

slept together anyway after it happened,

didn't I? I didn't do a very good job at

keeping it a secret. At first I did try to

keep it a secret that we slept together.

I didn't really say anything until a few

months later, maybe.

How are my stocks? I don't even care

anymore about stocks. I checked my stocks

like once today. I'm so

over stocks. The whole stock market saga

is over. I'm done with stocks. I just

couldn't care less about it. Honestly, I,

I don't care at all about the stupid

stocks. They go up, they go down, they go

up, they go down. Who cares? Now I'm into

game development and coding. Game

development is— I think this is my next

true calling because making a game is like

a combination of all the things It's like

a combination of everything. You've got

the artistic aspects of it, like designing

the art style and the characters and

levels. There's the mechanical side to it

where you got to do the coding, creating

the game engine. And then there's like the

whole game mechanics part of it. You got

to decide how is the game going to play?

What do you have to do? What kind of

weapons do you get? Do you get money? Do

you get points? Is there a shop? Is there

an inventory? I've got to try and figure

out what kind of game it's going to be

Game review, do a God of War for PC.

Is it really hyped though? So I feel like

if it was an actually hyped up game, I

would know about it. I haven't heard

anything about God of War, never even

played God of War before,

but recently it seems like there's not

really anything hyped up. Last hyped

up thing I made a video about that did

really well was Spider-Man. I got 20,000

views on my Spider-Man: No Way Home

review. I can't believe it. But my Matrix

Resurrections review only went up to about

3,000 views. I'm not sure.

Is Chihiro your enemy now?

No, if you're saying that because

I said Chihiro would be an enemy in the

game, I'm just saying as, as like an

in-game boss, Chihiro could be like an

enemy in the game. But I'm not sure about

doing that anymore because I start to

think, doesn't it seem a bit psychotic

to make a game where

You play as yourself and you're like

shooting down women in your past.

I start to think this sounds like

something Elliot Rodger would do. If

Elliot Rodger never did what he did, he

would like make a game where he's the king

and he's like shooting down women. I start

to think this sounds like a bit serial

killer-ish. I'm basically making a game

where you just mow down all the people I

hated in my past. Now I'm thinking maybe

that's not a good idea. I don't really

care if it's like not a good look because

I think people know by now I'm pretty much

morally bankrupt. But I don't want to get

banned on YouTube because doesn't that

seem kind of iffy? It's like something

harassment guidelines, isn't it? Isn't one

of YouTube's guidelines not to harass and

like threaten people? They're making a

game where you make real people in the

game representations of them and you're

like mowing them down and shooting at them

and encouraging your viewers to play the

game and do this. Seems like YouTube might

not like that, so out of fear of getting

banned, I don't think I'm gonna

do that anymore. So we're not gonna have

like big massive fat Casey that you can

machine gun down. I feel like I'd get in

trouble.

So now I'm thinking maybe just have haters

and they're like these monsters. I don't

know what to design them as.

It's kind of annoying because I was having

all these plans, like have Turkish girl

and she sprays blood at you.

So I'm not really sure what to do for the

enemies.

X's should be NPCs. Yeah, maybe the exes

can be in the game as, as like little

Easter eggs references, but not people

to kill. Not really sure,

I need to think about it. It's gonna have

my mum in it and she chases you with a

rolling pin. That would be so funny.

Imagine like my mum, she's chasing you

with a rolling pin, she tries to knock you

out with it, you gotta run away. Like

Crash Bandicoot. Crash Bandicoot.

Oh, I could make the game where the whole

game is you're just running away. You're

not shooting enemies, but the enemies are

chasing you. You got to like jump. It's

like a platforming game. You jump over

obstacles and stuff like Crash Bandicoot.

Why can't I say Bandicoot? I keep saying

Bandicoot. Ban— Bandicoot.

I can't say it now. What? How do you say

it? Crash I keep thinking of Bandicam.

Whatever,

I'll show

you the game later. I recently

just figured out how to code a spring so

when you jump on it, it makes you bounce

into the air, and then you come back down,

you bounce again until you jump off it,

just like on Sonic. I managed to just—

it's not really hard though. You just make

a block and then you got to put a little

line of code so your character lands on

the block and then gets pushed back up

into the air. All these little things,

once you've created like a gravity physics

system in the game, you can start fiddling

with the code to have different things

happen. I just recently also figured out

how to do rocket jumping. So when you aim

at— I made a rocket launcher in the game,

it shoots out Shoots a bullet that

explodes. I found out how to make the

explosion propel you into the air using

the gravity. So it's kind of fun because

you can tinker with everything and

experiment and see what would happen.

It's kind of like playing God. 'Cause you

start off with a blank canvas and then

you, you start typing in the code to make

rules and logic apply like physics and

gravity. And then you put things into the

world and then they obey the laws of

physics. And then you can change the code

to make different things happen. It's a

bit like The Matrix, isn't it? Just change

the code and reality changes.

Yeah, it's quite fun, but it's also really

frustrating because I try and add a new

feature and then end up breaking 2

existing features by adding this new

feature. And then I'll go back, try and

find out why the game's breaking, and then

fix the things that are breaking without

breaking the new thing. It's just like

going backwards and forwards, backwards

and forwards, adding new stuff whilst

trying not to break the current stuff.

And everything you add has like an effect

on almost everything else as well. It's a

bit annoying as well.

Yeah, so that's pretty fun. Not sure

when I'll finish it. I've been working on

it 5 days now. I started on Monday. Was it

Monday? I did the Christmas stream on

Saturday, and then Sunday— I'm

not sure when I got Game Maker Studio.

Yeah, so I've made quite a lot of progress

in 5 days. I've made the whole game

basically. I mean, it's good enough as it

is right now. I just need to flesh out the

levels and add extra levels. And if I just

kept the code as is now, I think it's

already a pretty fun game. It's just I

want to add more things to it to make it a

bit more complex. When is midnight?

It is in Right now it's 7, so 5 hours,

5 hours to go, then we hit 2022.

Tuesday was rage quit day,

was it? I don't remember now.

No, I didn't rage quit on GameMaker

Studio. I rage quitted on Xcode, which was

last week. I wasted a whole week,

um, trying to learn how to use Xcode,

which now I don't need.

Forgot now. Time has just completely lost

Also, it's really hot. It's like 15,

14 degrees Celsius in England. Why is it

so hot? It feels like it's spring. I had

to take off one of my layers and I didn't

even have to turn my heater on. Even had

my window open for a bit and now I'm

starting to get hot again. Where's my cup?

Are you gonna see the fireworks? I thought

they weren't doing fireworks this year.

I didn't get my new tripod either because

they didn't I went downstairs to check my

mail. I looked in my, my post box and

there were 2 boxes, so I thought, oh, it

must be in one of those boxes. I brought

it back to my room and it was just my new

charging cable. And yeah,

that was it. The whole package was just my

new charging cable and the little USB

dongle for a MacBook. I reckon the

reception has my tripod. I didn't bother

to go back down to get it. So I had to

stuff a piece of tissue paper. I nearly

broke this leg, and I had stuffed tissue

paper in it to keep it from not going up

too high, but now it's really unstable

like this. This is the worst tripod I

ever had. It's kind of stable like this,

just gotta be careful.

Oh, I felt like I had so much to say in my

mind. I felt like there was so much to

say, and now I kind of finished just

saying it. Don't you ever feel like

there's so much going on in your mind,

and then someone says, tell me about it,

and then it only takes about 10 minutes to

Oh, oh wow, this whiskey tastes very

different to the other one. I finished a

whole bottle of whiskey. Look, I finished

this one. Oh wow, this one's really nice.

It's got like a smoky wood flavor to it.

It's like someone put out their cigarette

into it. This one was pretty nice, but it

was just like Normal whiskey.

I'm surprised I drank the whole whiskey

because when I unboxed it for Christmas

and I sipped it, my initial thought was,

"Oh my God! How am I going to drink this?

I can't even take a sip." And then I

was just coding all night and then taking

sips of whiskey and feeling that buzz and

that warmth from the alcohol. It was

really nice. I had a really good time just

coding all night. Burning the midnight

oil. I'm gonna take a break for today, I

think. Oh, my voice is just like gone

because I haven't— I haven't used my voice

at all in 5 days. I didn't even make a

video since Christmas. I just uploaded

that Essex Girl highlight that nobody

watched, not even 5K views after 2 days.

What the hell?

I spilled it down my chin.

Yeah, this whiskey definitely tastes

different to the one I finished. It has,

um, what one is it? It is Islay.

I threw away the box, so I don't know what

the description was. I think,

um, as, as I got older, I started to enjoy

the taste of whiskey more without choking

on it. When I was in my 20s, there's no

way I could have drank whiskey. Now I'm

like, whiskey, quite nice.

I think the trick is you have to kind

of— there's like a way to swallow it. If—

I don't know how to explain it. If I

swallow it in a bad way, it's really

unpleasant and I feel like I have to

cough. But then if I swallow it in the

right way, it goes down nicely and there's

like a nice aftertaste effect.

But then if you— if you have to— if you

swallow too much Then it burns.

My OnlyFans are getting bored? I don't

think so. I still got like 100, so they

must like what I'm doing if they carry on

subbing. I don't know if they really liked

the dressing up as a woman stuff. Some of

them did. Would I stream

during New Year? Yeah, we'll stream into

the New Year, the first hour.

You have to breathe out first. Let me try.

No, because if I breathe out and drink,

then I've got to breathe in, and then you

like inhale the alcoholic vapors and

that makes me cough. No, no, don't breathe

out. I think you gotta breathe in,

swallow, and then breathe out.

Will you give us a demo of the game?

Yeah, I will in a bit. I'll show you the

code, how I'm making it, what I've got so

far. I'm not sure what to do first.

I was going to make food. I've got this—

I've got— oh my God, I've got this curry.

I've got curry in a tin. It says

it's delicious, so maybe it's good.

Curry, chicken curry.

What platform is the game for? I'm

developing it for PC, so I'm going— I

guess I'm going to put it on Steam. I

don't know how you put a game onto Steam

though. It doesn't have to meet certain

requirements, and then it's got to be

greenlit, so it has to be reviewed by

Steam. And then doesn't Steam take a

percentage? What if I just Dropbox you the

link? Because I've got the file. I don't

know if you need Game Maker Studio to open

the game. If I export it and I finish the

project, cuz I don't actually have the

finished project files. I've just got the

project files that you work on in Game

Maker Studio.

What if I just put it on Patreon? Pay me,

I don't know, $3 to join my Patreon, you

get access to the game, and then I'll drop

Dropbox you the link. Would that work?

It kind of would work, wouldn't it?

But then people might send

the link to other people and then those

people can play it for free.

Or maybe I could do early access to the

game Patreon. Oh, that's a good idea.

Do you think that people would sign up for

that? I could say if

you want early access to the game, you got

to be a member of my Patreon, and then

I'll give you the link, Dropbox save file.

So if you want to like support the

development of the game.

But then I feel like people who— people

who don't want to pay are not gonna pay

just because you make them pay. Do you

know what I mean? It's like you can't

force people to take the— I don't know,

I guess you could. That's not really the

same. What's up, Dan? Happy New Year.

Thanks very much.

It's a loneliness new year. Also, I want

to talk about girls because ever since I

got into the game development stuff, I

kind of— I don't even check my Tinder

anymore, to be honest. I was— before I got

into the game making, I was checking

Tinder and Bumble and my messaging apps

with these girls I matched with like every

5 minutes. Now I couldn't care less.

I don't even check my— what? I don't even

check my WhatsApp. I don't even check

Tinder. It's like having an interest and a

hobby completely takes your mind off

of sex and women. So when I was really

bored and I had nothing to do all day, my

mind would just drift to women and sex.

Like naked women, my mind goes straight to

when my mind is empty and I'll just be

masturbating During the day, like 3

o'clock. I guess I'll go and have one.

Oh, 6 o'clock, 6 PM.

Oh, why not just go on to P Hub again?

And then I was just like masturbating all

day long when I had nothing to do. Now I'm

in in really dedicated to this coding

stuff. I don't. I only masturbate like

three times a day now instead of like

seven or eight. It's so weird.

It's like having a passion and a hobby

completely makes you— I don't know if

that's just me and my whole losing

interest in everything else when I've had—

when I'm really interested in one thing.

But it's really nice because now I just,

I don't care about dating. And I

realized I had this kind of obsessive

obsession with women. Because I had

nothing else going on in my life. All I

wanted, all I could think of was, oh, I

need a woman to make me happy.

But when you find something else that

makes you happy, that doesn't

depend on another human being to provide

it for you, it's so liberating.

I can just— I haven't had this feeling of

wanting to wake up really early in the

morning Since I was addicted to New World.

When I was addicted to New World, I would

wake up at like 7 AM to log in and

start playing it, and I'd play all night

as well. I played it until like 2 AM at

night when I was really into New World.

But then I got bored of it, and then I was

back to, I don't know what to do anymore.

Now I've got this game project, waking up

at 8 o'clock And just getting straight

into it. So I feel like there's so much to

do and I don't have an unlimited

amount of time. More and more people are

tuning out of the channel.

My, my fan base is just shrinking.

So I feel like I need— I should have

gotten this game out last year or 2 years

ago. I should have started thinking of

making a game in 2018,

I would have made so much money. Imagine

how many people would have bought the game

back then during my peak popularity if I

made like a going to Japan and getting

married platformer where the goal is you

go on dates and then you go try and get a

wife. I could have made so much money if

I did more things instead of just sitting

around in Chihiro's apartment, just

cheating all the time. I could have worked

on side things that I could have sold to—

could have profited off my popularity at

the time. Ah, so stupid.

Better late than never though.

It's just a shame. Also, you know, people

kept saying, why don't you just pay

someone to make the game? Go on Fiverr,

you can get someone to make you a game for

$50. And I did consider it when I nearly

gave up. I thought, well, I guess I could

just pay someone, why not? But now that

I've learned how to code, now that I've

learned how to do it myself, I'm so glad.

That I didn't pay someone, because now I

can, I can make the game exactly how I

want to without having to message someone.

Imagine I paid someone to make the game

and he lived in America, and then there

was a whole time zone difference. Now

every time I wanted to make a different

change, I'd be like, hey, can you

actually— can you add a grenade launcher?

Can you make it so it does this? Can you

do this? Can you do that? And I have to

wait until he wakes up and And then he

might be busy doing other things. It could

be days until he actually implements the

changes. Now I want to change something,

I can just do it myself.

Also, I want it to be my artwork, not

someone else's artwork. Also, doing it all

myself, it feels more fulfilling. I feel

like I've, I've created it instead of

paying someone else to create it.

Why don't I Twitch on stream?

Why don't you stream on Twitch? Because

when I did, I never got any donations.

The only person giving donations was this

troll, and then he stops donating and I

stopped making any money. So I just felt

like there's no point streaming on Twitch

anymore then if they're just gonna pay me

$10 a month in ad revenue. Can you believe

it? I was getting like 5,000— how many

views I'd get? Maybe 1,000 or 2,000 views

per stream, and I was streaming 5 times a

week, and Twitch would pay me about $10 or

$15 a month in ad revenue.

And I never got any new followers on

Twitch either. I also don't like the

raiding system. Remember, every time I

streamed there was this girl who's also a

Twitch streamer. She would raid my streams

and then like 100 or 200 of her viewers

would join my stream and I felt really

awkward. What do you do?

It's like on Christmas Day when Elvis

Adian said happy Harry Christmas, happy

Christmas to me on my stream. It was nice

and everything, but I, I felt really

nervous. It's like, oh my God, Elvis is in

my stream. He probably clicked off after

20 seconds though, but it just made me

feel really nervous. It's like you're

having tea at home and then the Queen

comes to visit and then you feel really

put on the spot. It's just when I

did streams on Twitch and that girl raided

me, it was nice that she would do a kind

thing, but then I also felt kind of

uncomfortable because these people don't

know who I am. And then do I suddenly

change my behavior because there's new

people on the stream, or do I just ignore

them? Imagine I suddenly got 1,000

extra viewers now because PewDiePie just

gave me a shout out. I mean, it would be

nice, but I'd feel really uncomfortable.

Be like, oh my God, there's 1,000 extra

people. Do I just ignore them? Do I

pretend they're not here?

If there were 1,000 of my viewers, then

it's a different story.

But unfortunately,

the days of getting 1,000 viewers— do you

remember I used to get 1,000 viewers? Do

you remember the, the first stream I did

with Mila? I think I got like 900 viewers.

That stream I did in Germany, the first

time I got ghosted, I got like 1,200

viewers.

It was crazy,

but I need really good clickbait to

get that many people to watch.

And the clickbait actually has to be real.

I actually need a girl. I can't just say

I've got a new girl and then there's no

girl. People click it and say, where's the

girl then? Then click off.

Why are only 1 of 1,000 of your subs

watching? I guess they got bored. So most

my viewers were like trolls and hate

watchers, and when trolling me and hating

on me got boring, they stopped watching.

Because most people— I think a lot of

people were— so people keep saying most

people watch because of your genuine,

authentic videos, but they don't. That's

not true. Most people watching because

they wanted to see a train wreck and and

they wanted to see the chaos. When the

train wreck and the chaos went away, so

did they. Because when I make videos that

are just me sitting here being authentic

about my real thoughts, they don't get

more views. Silly stuff like, I became

a woman, I'm a female now, that's what

gets views. How do I feel about Rion

Ishida surpassing me? I don't really care.

I, I expected him to because I could just

I'm not, I'm not surprised he did overtake

me because

there's so many channels now that are

blowing up and it's just like some guy who

doesn't even show his face or he barely

talks And he's just walking around in

Japan and they get loads of views.

So just basically you have to do that and

you're guaranteed to get views if

you stick with it long enough. Eventually

you would build that following.

Even I got views doing that stuff. You

look back at my exploring the slums of

Japan stuff. Where I barely really talk.

That has over— that stuff has over 100,000

That was the stuff I should have focused

on when I was in Japan instead of making

drama videos. But they're so boring

to make. You just go into a place, you

walk in. I enjoyed all the drama and the

girls and the weird stuff that was

happening. That was fun to make videos

about. Making a video where you just get

on a ferry with a camera is boring.

Yeah, people say they liked it when I was

genuine, but then when I show my genuine

true self, self, they don't like it.

Say I'm too obsessed with the sex

and On this and that. I don't know.

Why is Hong Kong guy contacting Cami? I

don't think he is. He's just clickbaiting.

He must be bored. Oh yeah, Pia said he

messaged her asking her to do an interview

on his channel. I think she should do it.

It would be funny. It might get a bit of

drama happening again.

Fuck's sake, why does it drip down my chin

when I sip it?

I think what really killed the channel was

my refusal to, to do

the weird stuff that I used to do.

And I blame Mila. She's— it's all her

fault because she made me feel vulnerable.

She made me feel like, oh wait, my weird

YouTube drama and stuff like that is

making me lose sex. And then my brain

suddenly started thinking, gotta stop

that. I've gotta stop all that

drama stuff and— I don't

know, this whole year has just been a

mess. So I flip-flopped between, I'm gonna

try and clean up my channel and stop

making weird stuff, and then I gave up

again and started making weird stuff

again. Now I've kind of given up

on trying to find a girlfriend. I feel a

bit more relaxed.

So you can see recently I made weird

videos about dressing up as a girl. No way

I would have done that a few months ago

because I'd be worried, oh, what if my

Tinder date sees it and she thinks I'm

weird? Oh, they think I'm weird anyway,

even just meeting me in real life and not

even seeing my channel, because let's face

it, I am weird. It's just I

hide how weird I am in person.

The more you get to know me, the more

comfortable I feel around you, the more of

the weirdness I let out.

And I guess when I'm streaming is when

I'm, I'm at my most comfortable, which is

when the max weirdness comes out. I don't

really feel like I'm that weird though

compared to some people like Chris-Chan or

There's a lot of weirder people out there.

I'm pretty tame. I don't really feel like

putting on a girl's outfit is that crazy.

I'm only doing it for views, and it's not

like I do it for fun. I mean, it was fun.

I did kind of enjoy it, but it's not like

I usually do it off camera.

It's not like— imagine you're in a

relationship with me and I just come

downstairs one day dressed up as a girl.

No, unless you want me to.

Is it

true you were begging Elvis not to delete

the video? No,

why would I beg him to not delete? That'd

be really weird. No, Elvis, don't delete

it! That's my only— that's my biggest

accomplishment, accomplish— accomplishment

on YouTube, getting 2 million views

on a video about me.

Uh, I don't really care. Are there still

new people watching that video? Are there

new comments of people watching it now and

coming across it?

I think there might be. There's still just

people going, oh my God, is this guy

trolling? Is he really like this? I feel

so bad for his wife. No, Elvis— I don't

think Elvis deleted it. I don't really

care if he deletes it or doesn't delete

it. It's up to him. I don't really have a

preference. I don't really feel like

anything would change if he deleted it.

It's kind of annoying though, in a way.

Because now an extra 2 million people know

my face and, and don't think

well of me. And it doesn't benefit me in

any way. It's not like those 2 million

people are here. They're not, not on my

channel, are they? They just clicked on it

and then now they've got my mem— they've

got my face in their memory, which is not

great because what if

I matched them on Tinder and they would

have had, they would have had

relationships with me if it were not for

them knowing about me.

Because one girl did mess— she matched me

on Tinder who lives in Liverpool and she

said, you, you look familiar, were you on

TV? I kept saying no. I wonder why you

would think I'm familiar. She said, are

you sure we haven't met before? And then

she went, oh, I remember,

I saw you had a channel on YouTube. And

then we talked for a little bit, and then

the next day she unmatched me.

You also got women through the channel.

Yeah, but how many women is the channel

making me lose? Is something we'll never

know. How many women do see me on Tinder

and would have matched me, but then don't

match me just because they recognize me?

I didn't really get many girls off the

channel. I got like one.

I'd say 7. It's not a lot.

Could have been much more on Tinder. I

don't know how many girls actually

recognize me on Tinder.

I guess you can't tell.

Hope this new year you get your dream girl

you dreamed about. Well, this year

there's only 5 hours left. I don't

think that would be possible. Maybe next

I watched PewDiePie's new video. I kind of

liked how he's also whining about not

being able to move to Japan. It's not just

me. I feel like I'm

not alone in my struggle. Even being the

most famous YouTuber as PewDiePie,

multi-millionaire, even he can't get into

Japan, so All the money in the world can't

even help you. Oh, thanks, Dimitri. Get

into VR gaming. I did for

a while. I was really into Beat Saber when

Mida was at my house. I got the— what did

I forgot. The HTC Rift or something.

And then I got the Oculus Quest 2.

I did make a video about Boneworks.

It has 150,000 views now, which is quite

good. Not bad.

I can't believe PewDiePie has been trying

to move to Japan for the last 3 years.

Didn't he say he and Marzia decided to

move to Japan in like 2018 and they've

been They've been trying to do all the

paperwork to get themselves an entertainer

visa. Why don't they just get a visa from

the people who, you know, the company that

manages Trash Taste and Sharla

and all them lot? They would love to have

PewDiePie join their team. Can you imagine

them denying PewDiePie? No way. They'd be

like, sure, PewDiePie, join Tokyo

Creative, come on Trash Taste. It would

blow up their numbers so much if PewDiePie

was like a regular on Trash Taste.

I, I love the Trash Taste podcast. It's

great. I binge watch it all day.

I've watched like 40 episodes of Trash

Taste and they're all 2 hours long each.

And it's funny because the Trash Taste

channel pulls in more

views on average than all of the

individual channels, which is interesting.

And I didn't think I would like the Trash

Taste podcast because I thought, oh,

Anime Man, Connor, they're like massive

weebs. They're just going to talk about

anime all the time. And I don't care about

anime at all, but they very rarely talk

about anime. They mostly talk about life

in Japan, life as a YouTuber, just kind of

random things as well, which is

what I watch it for. If they were just

talking about anime all the time, I'd feel

very uninterested, but they have very good

chemistry and they do talk about

interesting things and they're all very

funny, interesting people.

So that's why I like it. I think it's

actually probably the best podcast on

YouTube right now, and I've been looking

for a good podcast.

For such a long time, ever since Total

Biscuit died, I haven't been able to find

a good podcast where you really like the

people on there and they always talk about

things you're interested in and it just

kind of feels like you're hanging out with

friends. You've got like friends in the

background just chatting whilst you

listen. That's what I used to have with,

uh, the Co-Optional Podcast. I used to

love that. But then Total Biscuit died,

and then his wife gave up making it. And

without Total Biscuit, it wasn't very good

anyway. I finally found a good podcast

now, which kind of makes me feel less

lonely.

I recently watched the one where they,

they have this weird guy who,

who made all these videos about Chris-Chan

and then they were talking about

Chris-Chan, that kind of annoyed me a bit.

And maybe because I find it relatable as

someone who got trolled a lot and bullied

a lot on YouTube and the internet and was

treated as a lolcow, I feel kind of bad

for Chris-Chan and I feel anger towards

like all the trolls who egg him on and

torment him. And then I find it kind of

Found it a bit annoying at

like Connor Anime Man's reaction to it,

thinking it's all just so funny and a big

joke.

Because it's not, it's not funny when

you're on the receiving end of all that

stuff. And they were talking about Kiwi

Farms. I've got a Kiwi Farms, you know.

It's not nice being the target of that

stuff. Yeah, some people are weird,

especially in Chris Chan's case because

he's got autism,

and they just become these easy targets

for being bullied.

I managed to handle it a lot better than

he did, but I made the same mistakes where

I would just rant about haters and make

videos reacting to them.

It's just toxic, isn't it? It's just like

everyone dogpiling on this mentally

disabled person.

It's just, just weird.

And then that guy The guy they had on the

Trash Taste podcast, he's just as weird in

my opinion. I mean, he's made 40 hours

worth of videos documenting every little

thing that's happened to Chris-Chan.

That's not normal. That's fucking weird.

And it just reminds me of all the weirdos

who like stalk and harass me, documenting

every little thing I ever say or do.

That's creepy. That, that's mental illness

right there. And he seems mentally ill as

well. Didn't like that guy.

He just, he makes me think, he just makes

me think this is what a subreddit looks

like. He just gave me these creepy vibes.

How, how can you be so obsessed with like

one person to document all that?

Just seems really weird because

it's not like he's— it's not like it's his

job. He doesn't have to do it.

He's choosing to do it voluntarily, and I

don't think he's getting paid to do it. I

really don't think YouTube will let him

monetize that kind of content where it's

all about you know what with it with

that person's mom or whatever.

So he's doing it because he's interested

in it, which is weird.

I find that in itself to be kind of weird

as well. Everyone involved in the whole

Chris Chan thing is weird. The viewers,

Chris himself. The trolls, but probably

also just as mentally ill and messed

up as Chris.

I never really knew who Chris-Chan was