I Found My Twitch Again

That's weird.

Yeah, it's still streaming, I think.

Is it streaming?

I'm not sure if it's because I pulled down

on the notification tab if it interrupts

the stream. Maybe I should not do that.

Hi Daniel, hi everyone. Oh, it's Alan.

I remember Alan. How are you today?

How have I been? I have been very bored

and frustrated with my poor life

decisions.

Not sure what I want to do.

What if I moved to London? Would you find

that entertaining?

I feel like moving to London would just be

a massive waste of money and I'd just end

up sitting in a hotel. Not doing anything

any different to what I'm doing now,

unless someone wants to meet up and make

content with me.

Don't ever move to London. What's wrong

with London? I'm from London.

That's my London accent.

The annoying thing about going to London

is people would just think I'm a Chinese

tourist from Chinatown. Maybe I'll go to

Chinatown, get some Chinese hookers.

I'll probably get stabbed.

I got beaten up in Rotterdam on my first

First day moving in.

What are the chances? Imagine I get beaten

up in London as well.

It's either I stay at home and nothing

interesting happens, or I go to London and

I waste loads of money and then still

nothing interesting happens.

Do I worry about the anti-Asian stuff

that's been happening? Yeah, a little bit.

I'd wonder If I got beaten up in Rotterdam

because I'm Asian,

I wonder if I if I was not Asian, would he

still have attacked me?

Bit scary.

I don't know why he attacked me so

aggressively.

Very confusing. Oh,

I should have called the police, really.

I keep rethinking, replaying the whole

thing, and it feels like I

should have called the police.

I don't even know what the Dutch police

number was.

And now I just don't really feel very safe

in Europe— European cities.

If I went to London, I'd live in the safe

area around Buckingham Palace,

Kensington Palace. Wouldn't go to a cheap

area like Camden.

My sister used to love Camden Town. It was

a hip, cool place young people liked.

Central London is really expensive. I saw

a few hotels in central London. For about

¥1,500 for a month. I think I could

stretch to ¥2,000 if it's just a month,

but I don't know what I'd do there. If I

was going to meet a girl, I think I would

just want to stay a few nights with her

and then come back home. I don't really

feel like I need to stay there for a whole

month unless I really, really liked her

and we wanted to live together.

Which I don't think would happen.

What have I been doing with my time? I

have mainly been

trying to make money on the stock market

and failing.

Now I mostly just— I watch investing

stuff, trying to figure out what which

stocks to invest in.

And then I play a lot of Rainbow Six and

play a lot of football in the garden by

myself. Don't I want to

buy my own apartment in London?

I wouldn't be able to buy it. I don't have

enough money. I don't think I'd want to

rent an apartment again and get screwed

over like before. I don't want to pay a

deposit. I don't trust these landlords

with 2 months of rent, and I don't trust

them to give it back to me in good faith.

They're so scummy and shady,

they'll just take the money if they can.

They probably think, oh, look, a weak,

timid Asian guy, I'm just gonna steal his

deposit money.

You only had Airbnb in the past? Yeah, I

got banned on it. But Airbnb wasn't

any cheaper than a hotel. It was pretty

similar to the hotel prices. And you can

get apartment hotels on hotel apps.

But renting an apartment's such a pain.

You have to get a contract and then pay

deposit, and then you've got all these

legal obligations. If you go to a hotel,

you can trash the place and nothing

happens.

Like to see you make a friend. No, I never

try and make a friend again, not after

what happened with the Hong Kong guy.

It's too risky.

People— letting people into your life is a

massive risk. Massive.

It's— the risk-reward

ratio has to be in the favor of

the reward. Being good enough, that is

sex. I don't want to have sex with a guy,

so what is the reward of having

a guy friend compared to the risk of

another Hong Kong guy happening, ruining

my life? So I'm willing

to risk a little bit if the girl's cute

and there seems like a higher chance of

having sex. But I wouldn't risk it for a

I think of relationships with people now

as in the same way I think of a stock

investment. You gotta think, is there

enough upside? Is the risk-reward worth

it? It's like you don't

want to be buying in at Tesla when it's

over $800. It's too much

risk at that point.

And a lot of guys are weird,

especially ones from my channel. I, I

wouldn't want to meet any of them, to be

honest. Last one I met was that guy in

Korea. He was all right. That Hong Kong

guy was such a weirdo.

I just really hate annoying weird people.

Don't want them in my life at all.

The only way I could tolerate an annoying

person if she's a cute girl like Mina,

but even then I have limits. It won't last

The way I see it is having a guy friend,

the negatives outweigh the positives.

By too much. There's hardly any positives

having a guy friend.

The only benefit I could see is if you

live in a dangerous area, then having

mates would be a way to protect yourself.

I mean, that is basically the original—

that was the whole point of having

friends, wasn't it? It was for safety.

You don't want to be— back in the olden

days You don't want to be like a Larry

Loner walking down the street. You're

gonna get beaten up and robbed. So you'd

have friends, you look out for each other,

you've got each other's backs,

you reduce the risk of getting attacked.

If I had a friend when I got attacked in

Rotterdam, maybe I wouldn't have gotten

attacked.

I can imagine having friends, male

friends, would be really important if you,

you lived in Africa or somewhere

dangerous. You want to have a strong

network of people who,

who have your back in case you're in a

tricky situation. And then you have their

back as well. It's like a mutual benefit

to both parties.

Depending on your social group, more guy

friends can lead you to meeting more

romantic partners' interests. Yeah,

that's true. If you've got a social

network, it increases the chances of

meeting a mate, but then it's also a

double-edged sword. Because they could

also betray you and sleep with your

girlfriend or steal your girlfriend.

Imagine you're best friends and then he

introduces you to a female friend and then

he also falls in love with the female

friend and then you've got awkward love

triangle.

I don't want to get into that kind of

situation. Where I don't want to get into

a situation where I've got a network of

friends and everyone's fucking each other

behind their backs. Oh,

you've been shagging my girlfriend? Yeah,

well, I've been shagging Jimbo's

girlfriend whilst you weren't at home.

It's just a massive mess it could get

into. Everyone ends up shagging everyone.

Which sounds fun, but I

don't really want to get myself into that

kind of situation. Like Ice Poseidon,

wasn't he shagging 2 viewers at the same

time? He had some kind of girlfriend his

viewers didn't like, so he did a fake

breakup whilst he was secretly shagging

her. And also shagging another viewer.

And then there was all these fights he had

with other streamers. It just seemed like

a massive hassle. I don't want to be like

that.

I think I'd rather just be alone and

single than get,

get into that kind of mess.

It already got messy enough with the Hong

Kong guy. Just thinking about

it makes me sick. So that's my,

my biggest nightmare is some annoying

weirdo Forcing

his, his way into my life.

It's just— ugh, I hate it.

I hate people forcing their way into my

life without, without me wanting them

That's why I was so upset about it.

You're a hard person to like. Yeah, well,

I don't really care, to be honest,

because I'm not here to make friends.

Just here to chat shit and

vent.

People cause too much problems. They're

not worth it. If I get a friend, they'll

be like, oh, Daniel, I've got a problem.

Can you help me? Can you do this for

Their problems become your problems, and

then you got to deal with someone else's

When do I get my channel back to stream?

April, April 22nd. Is when the copyright

strike expires.

Have I taken medication for depression?

No, I don't think I'm depressed.

I'm just really bored and lazy.

Is that depression? Are those symptoms of

Maybe.

Oh, the weekends. Yeah, I hate the

weekend. Can't do any trading. Saturday

and Sunday are so boring now.

Saturday's the worst. You wake up and

you've got nothing to look forward to.

And then Sunday feels a bit better. But

then when it's a national holiday and

you've got a 4-day or 3-day weekend, no

market is open. It's just so boring. It's

horrible. Thanksgiving was the worst.

4-day weekend. No stocks.

It felt so long. I had nothing to do.

I'm so tired.

I think I'm gonna have an apple. Do you

want an apple? I could get an apple. But

just for me, because I don't like sharing.

Get your own apple.

Happy birthday, I don't know when. It was

last week.

Last Friday. No, last Saturday.

It's a bit depressing. I actually cried.

Cried myself to sleep.

I already hate birthdays.

How much money have I wasted on stock

market? Well, out of my 4 portfolios,

Uh, it's hard to remember. On my main one,

I'm down £5,000. On the

other ones, I'm only down a couple

hundred. I think the second portfolio is

nearly back, back in the green.

We'll be back in the green very soon.

I didn't take a massive hit on the second

one because I quickly sold everything and

then put it into safer stocks. But the

main portfolio, I kept trying to get back

into the volatile stuff, and the volatile

stuff hasn't recovered yet.

But the other portfolios didn't get hit as

hard. Because they were more diversified.

Still sucks though. I was up so much. If I

just took the money when I was up, I would

be laughing. That's the problem with

stocks. When they go up, you think they're

going to go up more and then you don't

want to sell.

I did take profits, but then I just put

them back into the same kind of stuff, so

it was meaningless.

That's the problem— stocks only

go up until they don't,

and then it feels like they're never going

to go back up again.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

I think April would be better.

March is historically very unstable.

Just need to be more careful about it. I

was so reckless, I took on way too much

risk thinking that I'd make so much

money and there's no way I'd lose it.

It's like what everyone says, everyone's a

genius in a bull market until, until the

bull stops running, then you don't feel so

clever anymore. Not sure what

I would do if I, if I regained my gains.

I don't know, I think at this point I'd

just be happy to break even. And then

maybe I'd play it a bit safer next time,

diversify across different sectors instead

of having it all in hype stocks.

Has Sabrina been over to the house? She

lives here. She's been living here since

the lockdown started last year. A lot

of people just moved back home. There's no

point being locked in a house in London

when most people move to London to get a

job and then be near the job to go to the

office. But these days everyone's working

from home. There's no benefit of living in

London anymore, so a lot of people just

move back home with their parents.

Why am I excited for the stock market?

I'm not really excited anymore.

It's actually pretty boring just watching

your stocks go sideways and down. It's

exciting when everything was green all the

time. Now it's just depressing.

Yeah, the hype died down.

It's only exciting when the stocks are

going up. It's not exciting when they go

down. It's just sad.

It's just annoying because the stock

market was The only thing distracting me

from my sadness and loneliness. Now I

don't have that as a distraction anymore.

I'm back to being sad and lonely and

missing my marriage. I don't know what to

focus on now for my new distraction.

Mida was a good distraction for a while.

Back to making videos. Maybe I need

something to focus on.

What to do?

Get a new fangirl.

Yeah, I'm trying

to.

I just— I don't

know if I can be bothered.

I mean, I would like to have sex, but I'm

not that desperate. Well, I am pretty

desperate, but I'm not sure if I want to

spend so much money in London. For it.

I just feel— I feel less motivated to have

sex.

I mean, I feel less willing to go to great

lengths just to have sex. Like I used to.

Number 1, I want to save money so I can

get more stocks. Number 2, I'm even lazier

than I used to be. And number 3, I don't

think I'm as horny as I used to be.

And number 4, I'm not as tolerant to

getting annoyed as much as I used to be.

Didn't realize girls would be so annoying.

Can't they just not be annoying?

My sex addiction is gone. I don't think

so. I'm still thinking about sex

a lot. But I just got lazier,

got, got lazier about it.

And then after getting into stocks,

you kind of, you, you want to save

more money. To fuel your addiction.

It's like the value of money changes when

you get into stocks. Otherwise, if I

wasn't into stocks, I'd probably just

waste it on some stupid thing like a

phone. But now I'd rather put the money

into stocks.

So the good thing about stocks is it makes

you want to save money.

And stop wasting it. But the, the bad

thing is you might end up losing it if you

don't get a good stock.

You got addicted to stocks to overcome sex

addiction. Yeah, that's what I've always

said since the beginning. I always end up

replacing one addiction with a new

addiction. It started off with World of

Warcraft addiction for 2 years, and then I

replaced that with Japan addiction,

learning Japanese and trying to get a

Japanese girlfriend. And then that

kind of got replaced with YouTube

addiction, trying to become famous get

viral hits.

And then I replaced that with stocks

addiction.

Now, I used to get so excited making

videos and then getting views,

but then after the channel died and I gave

up on trying to get viral again, It just

became boring. And when you upload videos

and they just get rubbish views every

time, it's not exciting. It's not fun.

The most exciting was 2018 when it was

like it was so easy to go viral. I'd get

100K views without even putting any effort

into it.

And then I'd see my subs go up by

thousands every week. It was fun.

Now it's just boring. My new,

my new video has done really well compared

to the other ones, but But still, it only

has 11K views after 3 days. It's rubbish.

I used to get 10K views in the first day

back, back, back then.

I used to get 20K views after a day.

Now it's like it takes 2 weeks to even

break 15 or 16K.

It's just annoying.

Boring.

There's no excitement anymore to making

videos.

I remember when I was so excited To come

up with an interesting idea, upload it,

see what people's reactions would be, see

how many views I'd get. It was the best.

I don't know if my excitement for YouTube

would. Would return if I suddenly got

viral again. I mean,

I got some nice new exposure from that

ABBA and Preach channel.

Got a couple thousand. Yeah, nearly 2,000

subs I gained. I don't know if they were

all from ABBA and Preach. Maybe 1,000

were. I'm not sure if If I suddenly

got like 10,000 new subs,

would I suddenly enjoy making

videos again?

I don't think so.

I still have no idea what, what kind of

video I would make. Even if PewDiePie

shouted me out and then all of a sudden I

got a million subs, I still have

no idea what I would do.

It just feels like I kind of lost interest

in making videos and making content.

I want to get a drink.