why i hated my ex Wife [eVkKhJ7b5WQ]

So recently I've kind of realized that it

has come to my attention I don't really

have much charisma. I'm not exactly a

charismatic person. When I search my

comment section for the word charisma,

most of the comments that come up are

things like, Daniel has the charisma of a

paper bag, this guy has no charisma.

And I want to talk about why I hated my

ex-wife purely because she obviously had

way more charisma than I did, and I very

stupidly decided to go into a complete

full-out war, a against her, trying to go

head-to-head against her in a battle of

who has the most charisma and who can win

over the people's affection and love,

which I catastrophically lost. I think we

can all agree that everyone loved her and

everyone hated me. I never really fully

understood why everyone liked her and

loved her so much more than me, and it

took me a very long time to realize that I

think the sole reason is that she has

charisma and I don't. I realized after a

very long time that If you have charisma

or charisma, then you can basically get

away with anything in life. You can be the

most terrible person. You could have done

all these terrible things. You could have

stolen and cheated and lied, and people

will be willing to overlook that if you

are charismatic. In my mind, I always

thought Chihiro is a very boring and

normal person. She's just like a normal

Japanese person, goes to work, comes home,

has dinner, watches TV, goes to bed. I

didn't understand what people found so

interesting or amazing about her. And the

thing is, I don't think it's because she

goes to work and lives in Japan and she

speaks Japanese. None of that really

matters. She could be doing anything. But

because of the way she confidently came

across on camera, and because she seems

so— because of the way she carried herself

and spoke and the kind of aura she gave

off on camera, that made people like her

just because of the way she is. And that

is purely down to confidence,

self-confidence, and charisma. And I used

to get really upset how if we had some

kind of problem and I would talk about the

problem in a video or on a livestream,

that people would usually always take her

side over my side and they'd be telling me

why I'm wrong and why she's right. And she

was obviously winning the popularity

contest between me and her. And that

really annoyed me because I had this big

ego of being the YouTuber. I am Daniel.

I am the YouTuber. I made this channel. I

make the videos. I'm supposed to be the

main character of this channel, not her.

How come they're all liking her more than

they're supposed to be liking me? I'm the

one who blew up and went viral. How can

they be taking her side over me? All these

things like that. It all just made me feel

really insecure and really upset and also

kind of jealous that everyone loves her so

much, but they all seem to hate me so

much. So instead of trying to out-charisma

her, which I felt like was a losing battle

because it was like people just

automatically disliked me and

automatically liked her for no other

reason than the stupid reason her being

more charismatic, which it's not my fault.

It's not my fault if I'm not charismatic

or don't have charisma. I didn't get

raised in a background or social kind of

background or environment where I was

surrounded by charismatic people that I

could learn from. I had a very quiet and

reserved father, and I had, you know, a

mum from Malaysia. I didn't have any older

brothers or mates, like manly mates to

banter with and practice banter when I was

a kid. I had like 2 loser video game nerdy

friends at secondary school who also

didn't really talk much. So I didn't

really have much experience to be able to

become charismatic. And you're either born

with charisma or you're not, or you kind

of learn it when, when you're very young.

You can't really pick it up when you're an

adult, a grown adult. I don't know what

kind of upbringing or background Chihiro

had when she was a kid, but she obviously

had very charismatic people in her life

that she imitated or learned from. And she

obviously has a lot of social experience

in real life with talking to people and

dealing with people. You know, her job or

her job back then, I don't know if she's

doing it now still, but her job was

telephone saleswoman. And she would

usually be at least the top best

saleswoman in the entire company for every

month. And she'd get like a bonus. She

would either be number 1 or like number 2,

which means she has extremely good

communication skills and social skills.

To be able to convince people into buying

your product, you have to at some degree

have charisma and being able to sell a

product and be likable. To get people to

do what you want. You know, charisma is

the ability to influence others without

logic. So when you have that kind of

charisma, being a saleswoman or salesman

and pitching products to a customer,

trying to get them to buy it, is— it's

like second nature to those people. You

know, Jordan Belfort, the stockbroker

played by Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie

The Wolf of Wall Street, he was extremely

charismatic and he was able to convince

working American people into parting ways

with millions of dollars to buy these

crappy penny stocks that he convinced them

to buy because he was so purely

charismatic and confident, even though

these penny stocks were all worth nothing

and worthless and all crashed and lost

people millions of dollars. And he ended

up going to jail. He was able to do that

because he had charisma, just like Chihiro

did. And I just don't have that. You know,

one thing that really irritated me as well

was when I asked her to make a couple of

videos on her own without me. I had a

video idea. I said, can you make a video

talking about this topic? And people

loved those videos. They got way more

views than my videos. They got like 99%

likes. They got thousands of likes, maybe

3,000, 4,000 likes, 99%. And the comments,

hundreds of people were saying, Chihiro,

please make a YouTube channel so we can

watch you and then we can ditch Daniel

because he's boring or we don't like him.

And they all begged her to make a YouTube

channel. By the way, she has a YouTube

channel now. She made it back in 2021 or

something. Barely anyone watched it. So I

guess all the people begging her to make a

YouTube channel were just talking a lot of

rubbish as usual. And it really upset me

because I kept thinking, what do you mean

they like her more in videos? I'm supposed

to be the YouTuber, not her. She's just

like a side character. How did I become

the side character? And I was getting

burnt out, you know, getting all the hate.

And I thought maybe I'll let her make a

few videos, see how it goes. But I

realized it was a bad idea because

everyone was loving her so much and

wanting her more than they wanted me. And

I thought, yeah, this is great 'cause it's

getting more views. I don't have to be on

camera anymore. I'll just come up with the

topics and maybe film as well. I'll just

be behind the scenes directing things.

But I thought the bad thing about this is

if one of these videos goes viral and the

channel blows up even more, then everyone

is gonna be there for her and not for me.

Which places an incredibly stupid

amount of power in her hands. It means I

need her. My whole channel's existence and

livelihood would revolve around her and

depend on her. She would have all the

power. I would be on a leash and she'd be

like my master. And if I disobeyed or

rebelled, then she could punish me by

refusing to make a video, and then that

would damage my channel and my livelihood.

Or she wouldn't even need me. She would be

able to just like go independent and make

her own channel, because why would she

need me? I'm not really that important if

she's the star in front of the camera. I

was genuinely very scared that one of

these videos that I got her to make for me

would blow up and go viral, and then

hundreds of thousands of people would love

her and come flocking to the channel. And

then if I make a video with me in it,

they'll be like, who's this guy? I thought

this channel was about Chihiro. Get lost,

weird nerdy guy with glasses. And then I

would just feel miserable about that. So I

realized it was a bad idea and I decided

to take the video down. If you remember,

it was the one she vlogged. I gave her my

GoPro and my GoPro selfie stick and I

said, just go to your family holiday thing

where they went to onsen and they ate crab

and just vlog it, make like a little

video. And she did it. It got like 40,000

views, 99% likes, thousands of likes. And

I got scared that People like this more

than my videos. If they like her videos

more than mine, then why would they watch

me anymore when they can just watch her?

So I decided to put a stop to that. One of

my tactics to try and win people's favor

and bring them over to my side from her

side was to try and drag her down to my

level. So because I couldn't out-charisma

her, people just liked her more because

she was more charming and likable on

camera. I thought if I bashed her and gave

people reasons to dislike her, then they

would not think she's so amazing and

wonderful and dislike her as much as they

dislike me. So I would talk about things

like how she also cheated on her first

husband, how she lied all the time, how

she had secret lovers and friends with

benefits when she was married with the

first marriage, and how she had a thing

with a 16-year-old and got impregnated. I

told all these stories to try and make her

look bad, not because I hated her, but

because I hated that everyone liked her

more than they liked me. So I thought I'd

put out these stories and make people

dislike her as well, and then we'd both

just be disliked because that's better

than only me being disliked. And as you

can imagine, it completely backfired. So

it only just made me look worse. It made

me look really bad because it's like

Daniel's saying all this horrible stuff

about her and revealing her secrets from

her past that she told him in confidence.

And it didn't make people dislike her

because she's got charisma. And remember,

If you have charisma, you can get away

with anything and people would just look

over it and look past it and not care.

But if you don't have charisma, they will

absolutely hate you for doing the exact

same things. It all comes back to what I

said earlier. Charisma is the ability to

influence without logic. So that's

where the no logic part comes in.

Everyone's like, oh, we hate Daniel and

Daniel's a bad guy because he cheats, but

we love Chihiro even though she also

cheats. And cheated on her first husband

multiple times. See how it doesn't make

any sense? And when you have charisma,

nothing has to make any sense. You can get

away with anything because people just

automatically like you, even if you've

done terrible stuff. And then the person

who doesn't have charisma will get all the

hate just because he doesn't have charisma

and he's unlikable. I remember one time I

made this community post saying, how come

Dr. Disrespect, Jackie Chan, Arnold

Schwarzenegger— they've all cheated on

their wives and it's all public knowledge.

But they don't really get any hate and

they're still really popular. How come I

get all this hate but those guys don't?

And the answer was pretty obvious. It's

because they have bucketloads of charisma.

They're extremely popular and charismatic

and confident and successful people, and

people love them just because they're

great actors, great entertainers, funny,

charismatic. They can look over the

cheating stuff easily. I mean, Arnold

Schwarzenegger had an illegitimate child

with his maid, and now the child is grown

up And he's a grown adult man and he's

also really muscular. And he and his

father showed pictures of them hanging out

and spending time together and working out

together. And everyone thinks it's so

heartwarming and wholesome and so lovely

seeing these 2 people connect and bond

like that when he literally cheated and

had a baby behind his wife's back. It's

like such a bad story, but everyone loves

him and thinks it's such an amazing tale

because Arnold Schwarzenegger is extremely

charismatic. My biggest mistake was

bringing someone so charismatic and as

charismatic as my ex-wife onto my channel

and then trying to go head to head against

her in a battle of charisma, which I would

obviously lose. At the time, I didn't

realize all this stuff about charisma. I

thought I was charismatic. Otherwise, how

would my channel blow up so much? How

would I be getting so many views? Turns

out people weren't really watching because

I was charismatic. They were watching

because I'm a freak show. I was just so

stupid and dumb back then to not even

realize that I was like inviting a bear

into my house and then trying to have a

boxing match with it. Obviously I was

going to lose, but at the time I didn't

have the wisdom and the foresight to be

able to see that I'm trying to start an

unwinnable war here and I'm just going to

look like a complete moron and it's not

going to work at all. So what I've learned

from this whole experience is that I will

never bring on a really charismatic and

likable person onto my channel ever again.

Because if I ever have a problem with them

in the future and I need to complain about

them, people won't have my back. They'll

like them more and they'll be like, no,

Daniel, you're wrong. We like him better.

He should make a YouTube channel so we can

ditch you. So I'm not going to make that

mistake again where I brought on a really

charismatic person and people started

flocking to them and trying to ditch me.

If I could go back in time, I'm not going

to say that I regret bringing her onto my

channel because obviously I profited

massively and the channel grew a lot and I

got a lot of views thanks to my ex-wife

and her charisma. But I should have

acknowledged my own weaknesses. My

weakness being that I don't have any

likability or charisma and trying to go up

against her when she does have loads of it

was a stupid and foolish mistake. What I

should have done really was I should have

carried on bringing her onto the channel

knowing that people would love her. And

then instead of trying to fight her, I

should have, I don't know, been really

nice to her and done stuff like, oh,

Chihiro, she's so great and amazing. She

gave me this opportunity to live in Japan.

I'm so thankful to have such an amazing

wife. Then people would have liked me

more. And then if she did anything bad to

me, they would have sympathized with me

more. So this whole thing all revolves

around the psychology of people and

charisma and understanding how people's

minds work and how they think. And

unfortunately, I'm just not very good at

that. When I realized that I don't really

have any charisma and people just seem to

automatically dislike me when they first

see me, it made me feel deeply sad and

upset because obviously if you want to be

a YouTuber, you need charisma. You need

bucketloads of charisma. If you're trying

to be a YouTuber without charisma, it's

like trying to be a football player when

you've only got one foot, you don't stand

a chance. I think it was around 2019 when

I gave up trying to be likable, trying to

be charismatic. It was then when I really

fully realized that, yeah, this is a waste

of time. I can't win this. People just

seem to automatically want to hate me.

It's like they enjoyed hating me. And I

think that's when I developed my trolling

persona. It's when I completely gave up

trying to convince people that I'm right

or to try and convince them to take my

side and give them logical points that

made any sense. I just completely gave up

on that and I just thought, well, they're

going to dislike me and disagree with me

anyway. So what's the point of trying?

I'm just going to say a load of stuff that

makes them disagree with me and doesn't

make any sense logically. And all my

points are just going to be deliberately

stupid. So I elicit this response from

them that I know is going to happen

anyway. When you open up and you talk

about something that's affected you or

upset you personally and emotionally, and

you open up about it and you talk about it

to people or on the internet, you're

talking about it because you want sympathy

and you want people to take your side and

say, oh, it's okay, it wasn't your fault.

You want them to make you feel better.

But when you open up and you're spilling

your guts about some story that upset you

and then everyone starts attacking you,

and saying that it's your fault, how do

you think that feels? It feels really bad.

I hated the way it felt. So what I did was

I stopped trying to seek for sympathy and

I started trying to seek rage. I would

craft my stories or tell my stories in a

way that would purposefully elicit an

emotion of rage out of the viewer so they

would attack me. I would create— I think

it's what they call on Reddit a straw man.

I would create a straw man. So here are my

real feelings. I'm not putting them out

there anymore because they'll get attacked

and it will hurt. So I am going to keep my

real feelings deep in here, and I'm going

to create a straw man, which is kind of

like a weird version of my actual

feelings, but, you know, not really my

real feelings. I'm gonna put the straw man

out there so you guys can go and attack

the straw man, burn it down to the ground

for all I care. I don't care because not

me, it's just a straw man. I don't know if

that's where the phrase straw man comes

from, but that's my interpretation of it.

What took me a very long time to realize

is that being a YouTuber is basically like

a massive popularity contest, which you

can only win if you have likability and

charisma. And as soon as people stop

liking you anymore, then you're kind of

finished. You don't have a chance on this

platform. And that's why people get

canceled and they're so scared of getting

canceled. And they're scared of being

called out by these big channels that

attack other channels who have done bad

things. As for me, what I'm gonna do is—

well, I've been doing this for such a long

time now, and I've gotten so much hate

over the years. I'm kind of immune to it

now. I'll just put out my real feelings

and thoughts, and you can bash me in the

comments. I don't really care. I barely

even check the comments anymore. My

girlfriend asked me the other day, how do

these horrible comments not affect you?

And I said, honestly, I don't even look at

them, or actually it kind of makes me

laugh. I just don't care at all anymore.

So in conclusion, I never hated her.

There was nothing personal about it. It's

just I hated how everyone loved her more

than they loved me. And every time I

talked bad about her on a stream or on

Discord or anywhere, it wasn't because I

was out to get her. I mean, maybe I was in

a way, but it wasn't because I hated her.

It's because I hated how people bashed me

for reasons that they wouldn't bash her