I had a bad day

Testing,

testing.

Testing, testing. Yes, it's working.

Okay, give me a second. It's been a while

since I used Streamlabs. Been a very

long while, and it looks very different.

They've updated it. Looks pretty cool now.

Okay, why is there chat on the screen? Do

you like the chat on the screen,

or is it in the way?

Oh, there's a stupid watermark. It says

Streamlabs.

Okay, I'll keep the on-screen chat.

Hmm, let's see what else I can do.

Look, my plant is growing. Look how long

it grew. It grew from about here to here.

Okay, I'll make it a bit smaller. It seems

very big.

Hey, it looks quite good actually. I like

One of my fish died a few days ago. I

don't know what happened to it. It died in

the same way the other one did. They get

really skinny And it's like

they're starting to shrivel up, and then

their spine goes all crooked, and they

start swimming around in circles. And then

it stops moving apart from the flippers.

The flippers keep flapping. And then it

I don't like this Streamlabs thing here,

but it says I have to pay if I want to get

rid of it. What a rip-off.

They didn't used to do that.

Okay, I think it's good to go.

Unfortunately, uh, I went outside

yesterday to try and sell my laptop,

and then we had to wait for 2 hours for

the bloody shop to do tests on the laptop

to find out if it's good or not. And then

we came back after 2 hours. Guess how much

the stupid shop offered me for the laptop?

¥9,000! Can you believe that? Do you know

how much ¥9,000 is? It's about $90.

$90 for my laptop. I was expecting to get

at least $400, and then they offered me

$90 just because it had a tiny little

Tiny little dent on the lid on the top.

It was so small, like this big. And then

he said a load of other things, but I

couldn't hear him because Japanese people

speak so softly. I don't know if I'm going

deaf or if it's because my Japanese is

really bad, but I cannot understand

Japanese people most time because I can

barely hear what they're saying. He was

What? And I asked my wife to tell me what

he said, and then she said something about

the laptop not, not having a something. I

said, what do you mean? She said she

didn't understand what he was saying

either. For God's sake, he said

it didn't have something. What are you

talking about? It doesn't not have

anything. It has everything that it had

when I got it.

And it doesn't make sense because I had

the same laptop that was the 17-inch. The

only difference is it's 17-inch instead of

my 15-inch, and my wife sold that one when

my dad died and we nearly got divorced.

She sold that for $900. Okay,

it's been a year, but come on, the laptop

price isn't going to drop from $900 to

$90. Just because one year's passed, it's

still a decent laptop. I bought it brand

new last year in June. It's not even a

year old. It's 8th generation i7,

which is just one generation old. You can

get 9th generation now.

So disappointing. I,

I thought he was going to give me $400 or

maybe $500. Says ¥9,000.

¥9,000. It's a $1,500,

$1,400 laptop. It's not a bad laptop.

It's not, it's not the best, but it's a

decent laptop. And I was thinking about

selling it to a viewer, one of you guys,

but I don't know now. I don't trust you.

What if you're trying to pull a fast one

and then you'll try and scam me to try and

say that I didn't send the laptop, or

you'll try and say that it broke when

actually it didn't break and then you want

your money back? Or what if you try and do

data recovery and you get all my porno

videos? I had a lot of risky videos

on it of me touching myself. What if

you're some kind of PC expert and

you know how to recover everything even

though I wiped it. So I don't trust you

guys, sorry about that. So I don't know

what to do with it. Most I can get is $90.

Might just have to put it in the bin.

And then on the way back home, guess what

happened on the train?

We got stuck on the train for over an hour

because some idiot had an accident on

their car— in their car on the train

tracks, and it, it stopped all of the

trains, and it took them over an hour to

make sure everything was clear to get

going again. And we were just standing on

the train for an hour, and it was a packed

train, and there was no ventilation, no

aircon. The whole train started misting

up, the windows started misting up, and we

were just standing there sweating. It was

like being in a gas chamber. It was

It's just typical, isn't it? People keep

saying, Daniel, why don't you go out more?

You live in Japan, why don't you go

outside? And then the first day that I go

back outside in 3 weeks since I got back

from England, I get stuck in a GAS chamber

full of sweaty, stinking people.

Probably 100 people in that carriage.

Could have gotten the flu. What if I got

ill? What if I caught some kind of illness

from someone?

That's what I get for taking your advice.

Go outside. It's the last time I ever go

outside ever again. You go outside, you

get stuck in the train, and then you get

the flu from strangers. If you got the

flu, stay at home. Why are you going

outside infecting other people? My sister

got the flu recently,

exactly the same time as my dad got the

flu last year. She's in bed now, stuck at

home. At least I

haven't been ill since 2018.

Touch wood.

I would say just do not go outside in

January. It's too risky. The flu's flying

around. We've got some kind of virus

outbreak in China as well now. If you

heard that, that's all on the news. Looks

like some kind of apocalyptic zombie

movie. They're spraying the whole street

down now in China. All the streets are

getting sprayed down.

That's what you get for eating chicken

feet and bats, I guess. That's why we got

HIV, because they were eating monkeys in

the jungle. HIV used to be SIV.

It was a monkey virus, only shifted over

to us humans because people started eating

them. Dirty human

beings eating everything.

I don't want to get the flu and then die

like my dad did. The only reason you get

the flu is because you get it from other

people. You see, other people, just bad

news. First they say mean things to you

based on what color your skin is, and then

they say mean things to you because of how

much money you make, and then they say

mean things to you because of what your

face looks like, then they give you the

bloody flu And then you die. Well, thanks

a lot, people. If that's how it's going to

be, I'd rather just be alone.

What's it called? The coronavirus. Isn't

that a beer?

And then to make matters worse, I spent

all day the day before making a new video

responding to Nobita's reasons not to come

to Japan, and it got demonetized, and I

have no idea why. I think it might have

been because I said cancer or because I

talked about religion, but I edited those

bits out, re-uploaded, still demonetized.

I cut the video in half, uploaded

Demonetized again. So I have no idea

what's causing it to be demonetized. So

it's been under review since Tuesday, and

now it's Thursday. Still, still hasn't

been approved. If it gets rejected,

I think I'm just gonna scrap it. I don't

think using Nobita's name in the title

will get that many views anyway, because I

did it last time. It was called Nobita is

a Petty Loser, He Copyright Strikes My

Channel. And the total amount of views I

got from people searching Nobita was only

about 3,000 out of the 30k views. It only

got 10%. 10% of the views came from people

searching Nobita, which is not a lot,

to be honest, compared to my Chris

Broad video where 55% of the views came

from people typing, searching Chris Broad.

I guess not many people search for Nobita.

He's not that big, is he?

But I've spent time on the video. I want

to get some money off it. But it's January

now, so it doesn't even matter if I get

views. I get shit CPM. Barely make

anything anyway. Might as well just stop

doing videos. There's no point. My last

video only made $30 even though it got

decent views. So shit, isn't it?

In December, 20K views would get $150

easily, but in January you'd barely make

$40. Feels like a waste of time.

I might as well make porn, make more money

that way.

And then people keep complaining every

time I upload. I tell a story that I

haven't told before, people People keep

moaning, saying, stop retelling stories.

I never told that story. I only told it

during streams. Obviously, if you've

watched at least one of my streams, you

would have heard most of my stories

because I just repeat everything over and

over again. And not everyone's heard it.

They're so selfish. Just because they've

heard it before, they think I should never

tell it again. It's like saying to Disney,

oh, you shouldn't remake your movies

because we all already saw the movies 40

years ago. In the '90s.

Yeah, you make the new movies for the new

generation of people who haven't seen it

yet. Idiots. Don't tell me what to make.

If I want to retell my stories, I'll

bloody well retell all my bloody stories

from day one. If you don't like it, don't

watch it.

But people new to the channel don't know

these stories.

So if I want to retell them, I'll retell

them, thank you very much. If you don't

like it, then don't click on it. Stupid

people complaining all the time.

If you've been watching since 2017 or

2018, then you've probably heard

everything I've had to say. I don't have

any new stories. Well, I do, but I can't

talk about them. I don't have any new

stories apart from the secret stories

because I don't do anything. Well, I have.

I do do things, but they're secret. I

can't tell you.

So obviously I'm going to retell my old

stories because what else am I going to

tell? I've got to make a video about

something, don't I?

Plus, I deleted most of my old videos.

Telling the stories, so I have to remake

them, don't I? I can't have a channel

about my life and there's big chunks of my

life missing from it. Everything has to be

documented so when I die, people will be

able to find it and they'll be able to

learn about Daniel and

all the girlfriends he had.

I can't tell you the secrets because then

it would completely ruin my life. And

right now I'm weighing up the cons and

pros of ruining my life, and not ruining

my life is more beneficial to me.

You see, this is the problem. My life

stabilizes and then gets boring, then my

channel dies, so I make less money.

But I need less money because my life is

so stabilized and cost-effective,

cost-efficient. But But if I ruin my life,

then the views will go up and I'll make

more money. But then I don't really make

more money because I end up spending more

money because my life is so unstable and

I'm moving around. So I don't really know

what to choose. It's sad seeing the

channel die, but then it's also nice not

really having to need a lot of

money to live. Do you know what I mean?

It's a very tricky conundrum.

Oh, what was that? My tripod is falling

apart. Where'd that come from? Just came

out of nowhere. Where did that come from?

That's weird.

Um, I got some ingredients. I was gonna

make a pie today since some people like

cooking. I thought I'd make a pie from

scratch, show you how it's done.

You're not making enough on YouTube.

Excuse me, how do you know how much money

I'm making off of YouTube?

I don't know why people are so surprised

that you can actually make a decent amount

of money just from getting 20k views. How

would they know? They don't make videos,

they don't have a channel. So how would

they know how much you'd get from 20K

views just because people say 1K views is

$1? It's not.

It's not $1.

It goes up and down. It's way more than

$1. I've never had just $1 for 1K

views. They will see PewDiePie and

they think, oh, you need to have millions

of subscribers, you need to have millions

of views to be able to make a living. You

don't. PewDiePie is a multi-millionaire

and he gets millions of views. I get a

fraction of that. What is a tiny, tiny

fraction of millions? It's still quite a

I really don't like boasting about money,

but I get irritated about people thinking

I don't make any money. I make more money

than your mum, trust me. It's not

about money, it's about making enough to

be able to live how you want to live.

Oh, thank you, Nathaniel. Your life has

worth and meaning. Oh, I still don't know

how to fix that. If you type my name in

the message it won't read it out.

I don't know why my name is censored. Why

is Daniel censored? I don't know how to

uncensor it.

Um.

How do I see the message? Oh,

this is why I don't like Streamlabs.

What does this button do?

Oh, who cares. What was I saying?

Yeah, I'm not saying I make loads of

money. I make more money than minimum

wage, but if you have any job that

requires qualifications, experience, then

yeah, you'll probably make more money than

I do. I don't care about making

loads of money, I just want to be able to

make enough.

That stupid buzzing is annoying.

All these fish filters buzzing away all

the time. Giving me

a headache. Do I

still get views on my

Elliot Rodger video? I deleted it.

Because I don't want to have videos about

serial killers on my channel after what

happened to that other guy. YouTube

doesn't like controversial stuff, so I

took all the controversial stuff down. I

wanted to make a video called Similarities

Between Me and Hitler. I've only got one

so far. We were both failed artists.

I can't think of anything else. I don't

think I'll be able to get that monetized.

Where's my wife? She's at work. Where else

would she be?

Oh, hey, have you checked yourself on

Social Blade? I've always wondered if that

was accurate. Social Blade is a load of

rubbish. The only accurate readings on

Social Blade are the views because that's

all public. Subscribers are not accurate

anymore because YouTube made a change, so

it rounds it up or down. People were

accusing me of buying subs. They're so

dumb. Because now with the new system,

Social Blade can only show

when you've gotten 100 new subscribers,

so it only shows you increments of 100 if

you have under 100K subs. If you have over

100K subs, then it will have increments of

1K subs every time you get a new 1K subs.

It doesn't show you each and every new

person who subscribes now because YouTube

changed the system. As if I'd waste money

buying subs. Buying subs is a waste of

time because they're not going to watch

your videos, are they? You'll just get 500

bots sub to your channel. They're not

watching, so what's the point? You just

waste money so you can get a bigger

number, which is pointless.

And then the earnings thing is completely

non— complete rubbish, nonsense.

It says, earn— you earn between $100 and

$10,000. And then some people say,

oh, you have to half the $10,000, then

that's an accurate reading. It's not

really. Sometimes it is, most time

I've already got 80, probably 90,000

inactive subs. Why would I want to buy

more inactive subs? If I was going to

spend money, I would spend it on AdWords

so I can get some, some advertising

for my channel. But I don't know if that

would actually work. Let's say I spent

$100 on AdWords. Paid it to Google to

promote my channel. Would that really—

would I get a return on that $100 in

views? I don't know.

I do have a new strategy to try and get

views. So seeing as people getting bored

and they're not watching anymore, I'm

gonna try and use the search results to

get views because I haven't been doing

that up until now. My videos have always

been very unsearchable. I always make

videos about me. No one's searching about

me. I need to make videos about stuff that

people are searching for, so when they

search for it, my, my video will pop up

and then they'll click on it. And I've

been doing that on my second channel and

it's actually working pretty well. I've

got 7K subs on the second channel, but

most of them don't watch. Probably 800

of them watch, but I get more than 800

views most of the time because I make

videos about stuff that people are

searching. I've got 3,000 views

on my Witcher video, and over 60% of the

views came from the search results, so

that could be a good strategy.

I made one about Mario Kart as well, and

that got 1,200 views, and half those views

came from search results as well.

You made an Onision video. Yeah,

and I got 20% of the views from people

typing in Onision, so it does work. So I

think that's the direction I want to go

in. I want to try and stop talking about

myself. Kind of failed with the last

video, didn't I? That video completely

flopped. Remember we brainstormed the

narcissist video? Well, I thought it'd be

a good idea at the time. I guess it wasn't

It's very tough being a YouTuber when you

don't know what to talk about. If I could

find out what people are searching for,

then all I have to make is a video about

what people are searching for, and then

I'll get views, won't I?

I wanted to make a video called In Defense

of Onision. That would stand out,

wouldn't it? No one's defending him right

You should make a breakdown video.

I should start screaming and then strip my

clothes off, get naked, and then start

pouring olive oil all over myself.

I should have done that in a tent. Uh,

Onision stole my idea, didn't he? He went

into the forest and lived in a tent, but

he did it properly. He started screaming,

having a breakdown. I didn't take it that

far. I don't want to stoop

to that level.

I can't act, that's the thing. Onision is

really into acting. If you look at his

videos from 10 years ago, you can tell he,

he's interested in acting and he sees

himself as an actor.

I have no interest in acting and I

probably suck at it. I did make a few

skits 5 years ago which were kind

of like acting. They were so bad. I don't

know if anyone archived them. There's one

when I was wearing a wig. Oh, there,

there is one where I'm acting and it is on

YouTube. It's called Why I Haven't Killed

Myself Yet. That was, that was me trying

to act. Let me try and remember why I made

that. Yeah, I was watching I Am Cyr do

his ASMR psycho videos and I thought they

were really cool and I thought maybe I can

do one. And I do all these weird unnatural

body movements like flipping my hair and

These weird expressions I don't usually

do. That was me trying to act. I think

someone reuploaded it.

Have I considered vlogging myself trying

weird and different things?

Well, I thought the sex doll was pretty

weird. Don't you? You can get crocodile

wings, crocodile legs on

Amazon, kind of like chicken wings. I was

thinking about doing that for a video,

but it's kind of expensive, then it might

get demonetized for animal cruelty.

Buy a male sex doll. Ew,

no thanks. I think I'm done with sex

dolls. How many have I bought? I've bought

like 3 now. The first one was

this buttocks torso thing.

I got 2 years ago, and I lost that when my

dad died and I ran away to Germany.

And then I got a second one in England.

This was bigger. It had the boobs as well

as the shoulders, but no head, no arms,

no legs. And then I finally got a full

body one, which was something I really

wanted to try out for a long time.

It was good, to be honest, if I was living

by my luck. By my own and I wasn't moving

around a lot, I'd probably get one because

you would save a lot of money. It's either

you spend ¥1,500 on a nice sex doll or you

keep going to hookers, which costs you

¥100 to ¥200 each time. So you use the sex

doll 15 times and then you've already made

your money back. Plus you don't

have to leave the house. The thing I hate

about hookers is you have to get dressed,

have a shower, and then get on the train,

go and find one. I just

want to wake up and have sex. I don't want

to get dressed and get showered and then

travel on the train for an hour or half an

hour. It's all about convenience, I

But you got bored with the sex doll. I

didn't really get bored with it. I was

getting scared of it because it was too

good.

I felt like I just couldn't concentrate on

anything else because I had this naked

realistic woman on the bed.

Well, I had I had a lot of fun with it. I

got my use, I got my value,

I got value out of using it.

The only problem is it's so heavy you

can't really do much with it unless you're

strong. It's really tiring lifting it up

and then moving it around and then bending

its limbs how you want them to.

I didn't expect it to be so heavy because

I, I can lift my wife. I can pick her up

without too much difficulty, so I thought

I could lift the sex doll, but I don't

know why the sex doll is so much heavier.

I think it's because it's bigger. My wife

is quite small.

I bought it off some Chinese website.

They all come from China. They're all the

same models, different websites. I'm

pretty sure they all come from the same

factories.

Me and my wife cut it up into tiny pieces.

That was such a stupid thing to do. I

thought it'd be okay if me and the Hong

Kong guy just left it in some rubbish

area. But I didn't realize that was

illegal, so we— I had to go and get it

back with my wife, and then we carried it

from this rubbish station all the way back

to the Airbnb. Weighed a ton. And then

we used scissors and knives to cut it up

into pieces. It took ages, it took hours.

It was really tiring because

the rubber is kind of stuck to the metal

frame. You had to peel it off. And we

had to use about 6 or 7 of these green

rubbish bags.

Yeah, a lot of work. Didn't really gain

a lot from it. I wouldn't

do it again. Not worth it.

I couldn't make a video about that,

obviously, but I took photos. I might

put it on my Instagram. It's quite funny.

It would have been great to make a video

out of it. It was so funny, the situation.

Me and my wife cutting up a sex doll

I still have the head, but I can't find

it. It's somewhere in the closet.

Was there any framing? There was a metal

skeleton. It was like a bicycle frame.

It did feel a bit like a waste of money.

How much did I spend?

¥1,600 plus ¥900 on the Airbnb. Well,

I needed the Airbnb anyway. The Airbnb was

handy in the end since me and my wife had

those arguments. So I guess the Airbnb

wasn't a total waste. I did live there for

a week and a few days.

I think I can talk about what else I did

in the Airbnb. Does my

wife know? I'm pretty sure she does know

this. Does she?

She does, doesn't she? Shit, what if she

She saw my iPad,

so she must have seen that I ordered one.

Oh, it doesn't matter. We'll talk about it

next time.

I would like to show you the head, but I

can't find it. Wait, I need to wash these

cups. Give me a second.

Are you ready for some cup washing action?

That's a good camera angle.

Done. All my jobs for

the day finished. Now we have one— 8

hours to relax.

Ah yeah, it felt so good this morning.

My wife had to wake up really early at 7

AM to go to work, and it was dark and it

was raining And it was so nice to just lie

in the bed all nice and warm. So glad I

wasn't her. Imagine having to wake up at 7

to go to some building to work whilst it's

raining and cold outside. No thanks, I'd

rather be in bed. Had a nice cup of

coffee. I know I moan

a lot, but I am pretty grateful that I

don't have to go to work.

So nice. That's the one thing I hated

during my childhood, was having to wake up

in the morning and go to school when it

was freezing cold outside and raining.

Oh, I'm so glad I don't have to do that

It's the best.

I don't care if people hate me or if I

barely make any money. You just cannot

put a price on not having to get out of

bed in the morning. It is a luxury that

I'm going to enjoy.

Mornings are for sleeping and lying in

bed, not for walking to the train station

in the pouring rain.

What else did I get? I didn't really get

anything. I've been a good boy, haven't

been wasting my money.

I got a bit tempted to buy a GoPro 8, but

I guess I don't need it. I've got the Osmo

Action, plus I kind of stopped caring

about which camera I use. Just use

anything. It's not like it matters.

But you're constantly bored and

unfulfilled. Yeah, but that's better than

having to wake up in the morning in

the cold, in the rain. Nothing's worse

than that.

So who wants my Lapo Topo?

I'll take $300 for

it.

Ow! Fucking— it's hot.

Didn't realize it'd be so hot. Burnt my

toes. Wow, that gave

me a shock. Oh, my lip finally healed as

well, which is great. I bit my lip really

hard over a week ago and it

finally healed, so it's not painful.

Takes ages to heal. Just one little

mistake, one little bite, and then you're

in pain for nearly 10 days. That's why

I try and chew with my mouth open now.

You chew with your mouth closed and you

risk biting it.

The laptop should have nothing on it.

What did I have on it?

I think I had some pictures of

ex-girlfriends because I was going to use

it for a, for a video. Well, that fish

is spazzing out.

Look, this shrimp got massive. Can you see

it? It's bigger than the fish now.

Where'd it go? It's here. And I put down

some new gravel so it's cleaner

I do feel quite liberated not being

addicted to the laptop anymore. It's nice.

I don't feel chained down by it.

Playing Rainbow Six wasn't that much fun

anyway. It just felt like doing the same

thing over and over again, which is

what I do on Mario Kart.

What do I do for fun? I play Mario Kart

and I watch Dragon's Den. Dragon's Den—

whoops, I just scared them all. I

accidentally hit the table. Dragon's Den's

so funny because of the comments.

There's one guy and this woman and they

were doing a seaweed business and the guy

had a massive hair, really long hair

growing out of the tip of his nose. Why

wouldn't you pluck that out if you're

going to go on TV? And then the woman had

this weird smile, like she looked dead

inside. The comments were just

roasting them. It was so funny.

Dragon's Den's easily my favorite show

How's the other tank of fish doing?

They're okay, same as usual. It's not

really interesting to watch because my

wife doesn't really care about having

plants.

The problem is if you put plants in there,

they eat the plants and then the plants

just get stripped, so there's no point

putting any plants.

I like these smaller fish more, they're

more interesting. Oh,

I did it again. Sorry about that.

If there's an earthquake, I don't know

what would happen. I don't think it would

crack. The whole thing would get shaken up

pretty badly.

I think it's more interesting if you have

stuff in the tank, then they can swim in

and out of them, weave in between, and You

also get to grow plants instead of just

looking after the fish. You look after the

plants as well. It's like having a little,

a little garden full of life,

and then you have to make sure that

everything's okay so they don't die. It's

like The Sims, actually. You have a house,

you have the Sims, you have to make sure

they're happy and provided for.

I would love to have Sims in real life.

Tiny little people and a little, little

house.

I guess I'll start making the pie.

But this tripod is crooked.

Why is it crooked?

Last time I made a Cornish pasty was in

school, I think. It seems quite

straightforward to make.

I can't get the tripod to be level, it's

Why is it twisted like this?

But if I unscrew it, then it's wobbly.

See, it moves. I think I need that little

circle thing.

Hold on, I'm still screwing it. There we

go.

Genius, genius.

Hopefully it stays standing up.

Let me get my ingredients out first.

So I've got flour and

chicken stock and,

um, oh yeah, butter.

Butter.

Wow, got lots of ingredients.

We need to make the dough first for the

and then we just chop the vegetables and

then fry it with the meat.

And then put it into the dough and then

wrap it up and then put it into the oven.

Should be easy enough.

Do I watch Babe Station? I don't know what

This is minced beef.

So I need to make the dough first. How do

I do it? I need water, salt, flour,

and butter.

Is this actually live? Yes, it is.

I'm not responding because no one's

saying anything to respond to.

How do I get a guy to ask me out on a

date? Why don't you ask him out? Why does

the guy have to ask you out? If you like

him, why don't you say, do you want to go

out? And then he'll say yes or no.

Do do do do. Making dough.

Where's my dough bowl?

It's so easy to make dough.

Do you think this plate would be good for

making the dough?

Why does it say soft and butter?

How many of my viewers did I go out with?

Well, there was a Turkish girl, the London

girl, the Essex girl, the Hong Kong girl,

and the Swedish girl.

Who else was there? I think that was it.

I don't get it. Other YouTubers get so

much backlash for effing fans. I effed

like 4 of them and no one seems to care.

How come I can't do anything that becomes

a scandal?

ProJared cheats on his wife just once and

then everyone's talking about him. I cheat

on my wife 5 times, no one gives a shit.

Come on, give me some exposure,

give me some publicity. I'm a bad boy

too.

I guess I can do whatever I want then. No

one cares. I'll just go murder someone

next since no one cares.

Give me attention, I'm a YouTuber.

You see that Brooke House girl? All she

did was spit and kick— hit her dog. She

got millions of views.

So unfair. And she's so dumb because

instead of just trolling all the people

that hate her and taking advantage of all

this exposure, she just vanishes and then

stops uploading because she's scared.

Just troll them. Make more videos with the

Her channel was dead anyway. Who cares?

At that point, what do you have to lose?

This feels really nice. What is flour?

I think it's made from,

from some kind of plant,

but how does it become white and like a

powder? And it tastes like nothing.

Oh, it's horrible.

It's pretty obvious she only got the dog

so she could get views.

Now it's all over my fingers.

Okay, so the recipe says I need to put

some butter. Oh wow, this butter's in

a tub. Weird,

not what I'm used to in Japan.

I can't open the damn thing.

So we get a fork.

I don't understand how this is gonna work.

How much butter do I put?

And it also said salt.

Why do I need salt?

Oh, thank you, Chihiro.

If my channel dies, I'll have to cheat

again. That's the only way people are

gonna watch. If that's what it takes.

Okay, now we need some cold water.

Does it look good?

And now I guess we just squish it

together.

This is going to be hard.

Should I use my hands?

Oh, looks quite good actually.

No, I don't want to get my fingers dirty.

What happens if I put my dick in it?

It might get sticky.

Look, I'm making dough.

I think I need way more. This is too small

for the Cornish pasty.

Hmm, I need to rethink this.

It's okay, you can spit on me for views.

Face savoring food. Oh, thank you very

much. I'll make you a Cornish

pasty.

Um, I need a bigger plate. It's not gonna

fit. How should I do this?

Help me!

I need

more butter.

You see, this is why I do it on the floor,

because there's more room. Should we do it

on the floor instead? I don't know, then I

have to bend over. Hurts my back.

Put more butter,

more salt,

more water.

I think I'll just use my hands now.

And people say I can't cook. Look, I'm

making dough. Can you make dough?

I don't think so.

Wait, there's a big lump of butter in the

middle. How do I get the butter to

Do I wash my hands before cooking? No,

you don't need to wash anything when

you're cooking because the heat from the

cooking kills off any bacteria. People

keep saying, why don't you wash your

chicken when you cook it? It's because

when you cook it, the bacteria gets cooked

off and it dies.

It's called science. I might need

my chopping board.

Okay, I'll transfer it.

Oh, oh,

Japanese kitchen

is so small.

Whoa, it's like glue.

I think I need more flour. It's a bit wet.

The smell reminds me of when my mum used

to make cakes and then me and my sister

would eat the raw batter out of the bowl.

It was so delicious, tastes better

than the actual cake.

My mum used to let us lick the spoons.

Well, it sounds like, you know, that sound

when air comes

out of a vagina after you've been effing

it.

This is actually quite nice.

It feels kind of therapeutic. Oh, oh no,

got flour on my legs.

Not

good. Oh, there's flour all over me.

Where's my water?

Oh yeah,

oh yeah.

Okay, so stuck to my hand now.

Look at

that, half of it's on my fingers.

How do I make it less sticky?

If I scrape it off using a fork, that

should be fine.

How do I make it less sticky? Do I put

more water or more flour?

I know it doesn't look good now, but when

it's ready, trust me, it's gonna look like

a delicious pie, just like your mama

Better, better than what your mama makes.

This is Cooking with Daniel, baby.

Put more flour.

I might need more butter. They should make

liquid butter so it goes straight in.

What if I put milk?

Oh, my sleeve is falling down.

Um, okay, let me try and flatten it out so

I can see what it looks like because we

need it to be quite thin and then we'll

put the filling inside.

Needs more flour.

You kind of have to make your own dough

because in Japan they don't sell it. They

don't sell pastry sheets. Oh, thank you,

Anas. Why did I have a bad day? Because I

couldn't sell my laptop for a good price,

and then I got stuck on a train for over

an hour because there's some accident on

the train tracks, and then my new video

got demonetized.

So I had to upload that crappy video about

being a narcissist, which barely made any

money. So I'm not a happy bunny.

Being a YouTuber, hard work.

I'm just trying to spread it out so

it'll be this shape. And then I'll put the

fillings inside and then close it up.

Okay, on to the next step.

Need to cut the vegetables.

I think there's enough butter in it. The

consistency is seems to be correct.

What say you in the chat?

Cut.

Sorry.

How am I supposed to chop the vegetables

now? I don't have a chopping board.

Okay, move this to the side.

Move it here. And now we prepare the

vegetables.

Oh, thank you. I came late. What are you

making? I'm making Cornish pasty.

Does anyone— I don't know if Americans

know what Cornish pasty is.

It's from Cornwall and

it's like a pie and

it's called a pasty.

So we need to cut this into tiny pieces.

Where's my frying pan? Should I use a

frying pan or a pot?

So we'll cut this into tiny chunks.

Hmm,

crunchy.

Carrots are quite tasty, aren't they?

Oh, I hate it when my wife puts the frying

pan up in the cupboard. Just leave it

here. What's the point of putting it away

when we're going to use it? All the time.

She puts everything away and then I have

to take everything back out, and then she

puts it away again and then I have to take

it all back out. Just leave it out if

you're going to use it regularly.

You might say that's being lazy. I say I

call it making life easier.

Why make life harder than

it should be?

Oh, thank you, Savel Lana.

Very generous.

Hello sir, I just want to say your

homeless video inspired me. Never want to

be like you as you are smarter than I ever

will be. Tell your wife that I want her

number. No,

she's my wife.

Thank you very much.

I'll make her some Cornish pasty for

I thought my homeless videos were quite

good. I consider them to be a work of art.

I think I have too much carrot. It's not

going to fit inside.

That's why I got so upset with the Hong

Kong guy using my wife. Only I get

to use my wife for YouTube views. Don't

give anyone else permission. She's my

property, my IP.

I'm trademarking the Chihiro name. I will

sue you if you try and use it.

Trademarked by Daniel.

Okay, what's next? Onions.

Always need some onions in every

dish.

How moist am I? Well,

considering I haven't had a shower yet,

pretty moist under the foreskin.

I'm growing a little yeast colony down

there. Oh, the smell

of onions reminds me of England.

Don't you just love the onion? It's such a

wholesome food. Humble, simple,

wholesome, sturdy.

Every good dish needs some onion.

Oh, I'm getting tired.

How do people do this all day long as a

job? Can you imagine doing this for 8

hours a day?

At least I get to eat it and enjoy it.

People who work in kitchens, they don't

even get to enjoy it.

You staying with Chihiro your whole life?

Ollie. Oh, thank you, Oliver. I don't

know, not my whole life, maybe her whole

life. Then I'll be

back on Tinder, baby. 60-year-old Danny

boy.

I'll still use my pictures from when I was

30, and then I'll catfish them. Show up

and it's a 60-year-old version of me. I'm

gonna say, please don't go, I'll pay you

$500, just hold my hand.

If I was 60 and alone and I still have all

my inheritance left, I'll just blow it on

all on hookers. What else you gonna spend

Okay, next we need potato, but I don't

know if I'm gonna bother because

the dough is already carbs. Why do I put

carbs inside of a carb?

Well, traditional Cornish pasty does have

potatoes, so I guess I'll follow the

traditions.

Cornwall is a weird place, by the way. I

went there in 2015 with my family.

We stayed in Cornwall and we also went to

Blackmouth, I think. No, Bournemouth.

Oh, that sounded bad. Oh, I didn't peel

the potato. Oh, thank you, Anas.

Big fan since 2017. That was a long time

ago. I was 27 back then.

I wish I could go back to making content

that I used to make back then, but then I

wouldn't be able to make any money. I

wanted to make a video called A

10-year-old boy fingered me up my bum.

Something that happened in primary school.

There was this kid called Daniel, and he

was a bit of a bully. One day he just

shoved his fingers up my bum crack and

then started fiddling. You know what,

what you do when you wipe your bum? Put

your fingers in and then you kind of twist

it a bit, don't you? That's what he did.

And then I turned around, I said, are you

gay? And then he punched me in the back of

the head, or the side of the head, and

then he stormed off. It was so weird.

No, I didn't enjoy it.

I still remember my dad wiping my bottom.

You pay a hooker to leave. Smiling face

with sunglasses. Why would I pay her

to leave? She leaves

when I've finished with her.

I still remember calling my dad after I

finished doing a number 2.

Oh, do you know what I was doing a few

days ago? I was looking at my childhood

home from Sutton Valence. And I found it

on this property website, and there were

pictures from the inside, and it looked

completely different. I didn't recognize

any of it, and I felt kind of sad because

my dad put so much work and effort into

renovating the house, and you can't even

see any traces of my dad's work. It's all

gone, and they even demolished the garage

door, and they bricked it up with

a wall, and they turned the garage into a

living room. The stone wall outside

is still there that my dad and his uncle

built. The white electric gates are still

there, but the inside looks really weird.

All of the fittings and the furniture is

different.

It made me feel a bit sad. I was actually

lying in bed and getting all emotional

about it, and I was thinking, if I phoned

them up, do you think they would let me

in? But then I guess that sounds kind of

weird. If I just showed up and I rang the

doorbell and I said, hi, I used to live

here 20 years ago, I was wondering if I

could just come inside and have a look

around. Do you think they would say yes?

If it's like a nice friendly old granny

living there, they might say yes. But if

it's like a really low-class chavvy

builder type with a fat beer belly,

they'd say Fuck off, mate.

No, mate.

That's what he could say. Would you say

yes if someone rang your doorbell, said,

hi, I used to live here 20 years ago and

my dad built this house, could I come

inside and have a look? Would you say yes?

What if he's gonna rape you?

If they're nice people, they might let me

inside, but I might start crying. The

kitchen was the same, same old kitchen.

I still remember my mum standing there.

Oh, thank you. Just in Torridge.

The kitchen was like this very narrow

hallway. My mum used to stand there

cooking. My dad would be outside mowing

the lawn. Me and my sister would be

playing outside. We could smell the

cooking wafting out in the evening.

Good old memories.

If you go on to— if you search on Google

40 Captains Close, That's where I used to

live, and then you'll find the property,

and then you'll see it was last sold. You

can see when it was last sold, and one of

the entries says year 2000, September.

That was when my dad sold it when we moved

out to move to my current house. That was

when my granddad died and when

we moved into his house.

Okay, potato has been peeled.

Nearly peeled.

That tree's still there as well that me

and Ricky used to climb up. Ricky was in