The real reason why I went to Taiwan last year

Hey, so in this video I want to talk about

why I went to Taiwan last year. Now, if

you're a long-term subscriber, a long-term

watcher, then you probably already know

why, because I made a load of weird videos

when I was in Taiwan, and I was kind of

having a mental breakdown, and I made a

lot of embarrassing videos. I've taken

down about half of them. But the

not-so-crazy ones are still up there, so

you can watch those if you like. Okay, so

why did I go to Taiwan last year? Well,

about 6 to 7 years ago when I was on all

these Japanese dating websites, I met this

Taiwanese girl and I thought she was cute,

and we started exchanging emails, and then

we started talking on Skype. We started

talking every day, and I think that at

that time she was really into me. She was

really interested in me, but At that time,

I wasn't interested in going to Taiwan at

all. I was completely obsessed, fixated on

Japan and Japanese girls. So although

I found her really cute, I never had any

interest in going to Taiwan. I never had

any inclination to go to Taiwan and meet

her. She was very sweet. She would always

send me letters and gifts in the post,

and she'd always say things like, can we

Skype now? Can you show me your face on

camera? And it was a lot of fun. And then

a few years later, I went to Japan and I

completely forgot about her. I didn't even

message her for a year or 2. And then I

came back from Japan and, and I suddenly

remembered her for some reason, and I

decided to send her a message and we

started Skyping again. And then I went

to Japan again, and then I stopped talking

to her again. I know, I'm a terrible

friend. I kept like forgetting her and

then started talking to her again and then

forgetting her and then started talking to

her again. So last year when I went to

Japan, I was really depressed and upset

because I couldn't find a girlfriend, so I

decided Hey, why don't I go to Taiwan for

a week just before I go back to the UK,

and I can finally meet this girl that I've

known for such a long time? So I told my

Taiwanese friend that I was interested in

going to Taiwan to see her for a week

before I go back to the UK. She said,

okay, let's meet up, and she seemed very

excited about it. But a few days before I

had to leave for Japan, she started to act

really strange. She started to ask me

really weird things. She started sending

me really weird pictures of herself. Like

this, like really close up to the camera

like this or like that, to make herself

look really ugly, as if she wanted to show

me how ugly she looks like so that I

wouldn't be disappointed when I met her.

And she'd keep asking me things like,

make sure that when you first see me,

when you come to Taiwan and we meet up,

make sure you tell me if you think that

I'm pretty or not. And I was like, okay,

why do you want me to tell you if I think

you're pretty or not? Is that because You

want me to think that you're pretty

because you're interested in me

romantically? So I said to her, don't

worry, I think you're pretty. Stop sending

me weird photos of your face. I mean,

even, even the most good-looking,

attractive-looking person can make

themselves look ugly if they take stupid

photos of their face at strange angles.

So the day that I had to leave Japan came.

I left in the middle of the night. I

waited outside of the train station all

night until the morning to get the train

to the airport, and I flew to Taiwan for

the very first time ever in my life. I got

to Taiwan in the evening. And I had to

find my way to the hotel, which was fine.

I did get a bit lost. It was a bit

worrying because I didn't know where to

get free Wi-Fi, and I wasn't really sure

how to find the hotel. But I walked

randomly up and down, and by luck, I

managed to find the hotel. And I got

myself settled in at the hotel. By then,

it was about 10 PM or 11 PM, and my friend

said that she finished work and she was

about to come and see me. She was going to

come to the hotel. I was so nervous, and

she was kind of nervous. She said— she

messaged me, she said she was waiting

outside, outside the hotel. So I rushed

downstairs, got into the elevator, went

down, and, um, walked out of the

hotel, walked down the street a bit, and I

saw her. Saw this girl standing there.

And yeah, I did actually think she was

really pretty. Honestly, I thought she was

very pretty. Anyway, it was really

awkward. We walked around a bit and then

we went to McDonald's and she bought me a

burger and she had some chips and we just

sat there in McDonald's. I was eating. It

was really awkward. I didn't know what to

say. She couldn't really speak much

English. It was really difficult trying to

communicate. I would try saying something

or asking her something, but I could tell

that she couldn't understand what I was

saying and I didn't have Wi-Fi, so I

couldn't use Google Translate. It was It

was kind of, um, awkward. So we walked

around a bit more and she said she had to

go home and I went back to the hotel. I

was in Taiwan for a total of 4 weeks and

the first week was actually really good.

We went to lots of interesting places

together and I really enjoyed myself. And

as each day went past, I felt like I was

falling more and more in love with her.

And I asked her, I told her, I said, I

really like you, would you like to be in a

relationship with me? And she said no.

And I was so shocked because I had been

reading the signs and I was sure that she

was interested in me romantically. She

said that she used to really like me,

like 6 years ago when she first met me,

but because I kept going to Japan and I

kept breaking communication, I kept

breaking contact with her, she kind of

lost interest in me. So I was really upset

about that because I kind of had these

expectations and yeah, I was really

disappointed to be honest. I actually told

her that I wanted to stay in Taiwan for a

bit longer And she actually was— she

seemed quite happy about this, and she

said, why don't you stay at my house? You

can stay in my brother's room. And I was

like, are you sure? Because I would love

to do that. I was thinking that maybe if I

stayed in Taiwan for longer and if I was

in her life more, maybe she would start to

like me back and we could be in a

relationship. But then she changed her

mind and she said I should go back to

England because she'd be busy with work

and she wouldn't have time to entertain

me. And I was really upset about that

because I was really looking forward to

staying at her house and The idea of her

gradually falling in love with me was very

enticing. So I said, okay, if that's what

you want, I'll just go home. So on the

final day of the last— no, the final day

of the first week, so the 7th day, we had

like a final farewell lunch with her

sisters. We went to Korean barbecue and

then we went to karaoke. It was really

nice. And then she dropped me off at the

bus stop and I got the bus to the airport.

And I was a bit worried that I was going

to miss the plane because my plane

departed after 2 hours and It took about

an hour and a half to get to the airport

by bus, so that only left me with about

half an hour to get checked in and go

through security, and I was really

panicking. I thought I was seriously going

to miss the plane, and I was telling my

friend this, and she wasn't really

understanding what I was saying. She

didn't really seem to understand how

serious the situation was. Anyway, I

managed to get to the airport fine, and I

managed to get checked in, and I had about

half an hour left. Before the plane

departed. Actually, the plane was delayed

for about 2 hours because they were having

some kind of problems, so that wasn't

really an issue. And then I started

getting all these messages from her. She

was saying that she was really sorry that

she nearly made me miss the plane, and she

said that if I missed the plane, I could

come back and stay with her at her house

with her family. But she said that she's

going to be busy and she won't be able to

entertain me every day all the time. So

she said to me, if you understand that I'm

going to be busy, then yeah, you can come

and stay at my house for a bit longer. So

guess what I decided to do? I went

up to the woman who was standing by the

departure gate where the airplane is, and

I asked her, if I wanted to, would it be

possible to get my luggage back out the

plane and leave the airport? I was so

surprised I was actually doing this, and

the lady said to me that She wasn't sure

and she had to check with some people. So

she started using her walkie-talkie thing

and she was talking to a load of people

and it took ages. She was talking to all

these people for like 15 minutes and this

other guy came and she started talking to

him. And then after like 10 minutes later,

she said to me that it would be possible,

but I would have to wait for a bit so they

can get my luggage back out of the

aeroplane. And there were like 3 or 4

people rushing around on their

walkie-talkies talking about stuff,

trying to get things sorted out, trying to

find my luggage. And I was just standing

there watching all this chaos that I had

created go on, and I was feeling really

guilty having caused all this trouble.

And I had to sign some papers, and I had

to follow them back out of the security.

It was the first time I had ever done

that. I've always, you know, when I got on

the plane, you go through security. I've

never ever gone through security and then

come back out of security without getting

on the plane. It was such a strange

experience. So I went back out of

security, they gave me my luggage and

everything was okay. They stamped my

passport so I could get another 90 days—

what was it, tourist visa or something?

And I went back to the bus stop. I told

her that I had left the airport and I was

going back into the city. I got on the

bus, I went back to, um, Taichung Station,

and her brother was waiting there in his

car and he picked me up and he took me

back to her house. And I went in, I felt

really sheepish, I felt really silly.

It's like We just had a farewell lunch

saying goodbye, and now I'm in your house

again. It felt like maybe they're

thinking, what are you doing here? I

thought you left. It was really awkward.

I went up to her brother's room and I

unpacked my stuff. I was kind of

disappointed because my Taiwanese friend,

the girl, she was working, so I couldn't

see her all that night, and I had to

sit downstairs with her family. It was

really awkward because I didn't even know

her family, and none of them spoke

English. We had to communicate using

Google Translate the whole time. Her

brother actually took me on his

motorcycle, and we went to some kind of

night market, and he bought me stinky

tofu, which tastes like dog shit, to be

honest. And I ended up staying in her

house for about 3 weeks, and, and the

whole time I was there at her house, I was

so depressed and upset because I had all

these expectations. Like, I thought we

were gonna go shopping together. I thought

we were gonna go to different places

together. I thought we were gonna go for

walks and, you know, go to the supermarket

and buy food and do all these things

together. We didn't do any of that. She

was working all the time. She would work

from 7 PM until 2 AM or something, and

then she would sleep all day, and then

she'd wake up for like an hour, and then

she'd go to work again. And I'd just be

sitting there in her brother's room the

whole day waiting for her. I felt like,

like a dog waiting for its master to come

home. And I was getting more and more

frustrated with the situation. I would get

angry with her. I'd say, how come you

invited me to your house and you just

ignore me? What's the point in inviting me

to your house if we're not even going to

do things together? And she would just be

sleeping so much, like 14 hours a day.

And I'd be thinking to myself, how come

you need to sleep for like 14 hours a day?

Also, it was Ghost Month in Taiwan. And in

Taiwan, when it's Ghost Month, there's all

these rules and things you're not allowed

to do. Like, you're not allowed to go

outside at night. You're not allowed to go

on vacation, you're not allowed to make

business decisions, you're not allowed to

move house, not allowed to do this, not

allowed to do that. And I was just like,

oh my god, it's such a load of bullshit.

There's no such thing as ghosts. It's just

a load of superstitious bullshit. But the

Taiwanese people, they take Ghost Month

very seriously. You cannot say stuff like

it's a load of bullshit. You just, you

just end up offending them really badly.

And I used to make YouTube videos in her

brother's room, so I'd be talking quite

loudly by myself. They must have thought I

was like a crazy person. And when Ghost

Month started, they told me that because

of the ghosts, that I shouldn't talk to

myself in the room because it would offend

the ghosts or something. And I had to keep

the doors and the windows shut all the

time because if you leave the doors or the

windows open, then the ghosts can come

into the house and do whatever ghosts do.

And I'd get really bored in the house, so

I'd go outside for like a midnight walk,

and there'd be no one. There'd be no

people outside because it was Ghost Month

and you're not allowed to go outside on

your own after midnight because the ghosts

will attack you or something. And my

friend said that she had to stay in her

room all day because she could see the

ghosts. She said she had a special ability

and she could actually see ghosts. So I

tried being patient and understanding,

but my patience wore off and I just said

to her, I said, I don't feel like you're

treating me fairly. If I invited a friend

over to my house to stay for a few weeks

or a month, I wouldn't just ignore them.

I wouldn't just say Okay, I'm working and

I'm sleeping, so I can't entertain you.

You just get on with whatever you want to

do by yourself. I'm— you're not my

responsibility. I wouldn't be like that if

I had a friend over. If you came over to

my house as a guest, I would, I would talk

to you. I would take you places. We would

do stuff together. I wouldn't just like

leave you and abandon you while I do my

own thing. I'd find that really rude.

Anyway, I told her this and she disagreed

with me, so I felt like there wasn't

really much I could do, and I just, I gave

up. I said, okay then, I don't really feel

like the situation is going to improve

here. I'm going to go home. It actually

felt like I was in a prison. I would wake

up and I'd just be on my smartphone the

whole day waiting for her to come home. I

wouldn't go anywhere because I wasn't

actually interested in going anywhere.

Her brother was really friendly and nice.

He would invite me, he would ask me if I

wanted to go to places or if I wanted to

go out to eat. I refused most of the time.

There was this one time when I accepted

and he took me to this noodle place and he

bought me a bowl of noodles and honestly

speaking, it was, it was horrible. The

noodles were like, you know how noodles

are usually in a soup and the soup is like

runny? This soup was all gloopy and thick.

It was like snot. It was like a bowl of

snot with noodles in it and it just tasted

salty and fishy. It was, it was horrible.

I I took one mouthful of it and I said,

I'm sorry, I can't, I can't eat this. And

he took me home. It was really

embarrassing. I know this video is

probably going to get a load of dislikes

because I was really immature and

childish. And the main problem was that I

had these feelings for her and I was kind

of— had like this expectation of how she

should treat me. I was expecting her to

treat me like a girlfriend would treat a

boyfriend when she wasn't even my

girlfriend. And I realized that I was

being really demanding and unfair to her.

She was busy, she had work to handle, she

had ghost month to handle, she had sleep

to be doing. And I just had this idea that

I had created in my mind of what it would

be like if I lived with her. And when

reality didn't meet up to those

expectations, I just— I kind of kind of

had like a mental breakdown. I just wanted

some social interaction, that was all. I

wasn't expecting her to take me out every

day or take me to interesting places all

the time. I just wanted some social

interaction on like a daily basis, you

know, just like an hour or 2 doing things

together. That's all I wanted.

I didn't feel like that was too demanding.

I was really disappointed because I had

hopes that I had matured a bit, grown up a

bit. Learned something from the last

relationship I had when I was really needy

and clingy, but nothing really changed.

I was still, I was still super clingy and

needy and like trying to suffocate her,

not literally. And I just,

I don't know how to overcome this. How

does an insecure and clingy person stop

being clingy and insecure? I don't know.

I really don't know. Maybe it's better if

I just avoid social interaction with

people altogether, then I wouldn't have

these problems. Oh, and if you want to see

the video that I made on the day that I

decided to go back out of the airport and

go back to Taichung Station, you can see

it here. Somewhere here.