How being unemployed affected my mental health

Hey, so in this video I want to talk a bit

about being unemployed and what it felt

like. I haven't had a job for about

4 years, and then I got my current job,

which I, I got last September, last year

in September. So I've been doing my

current job for about 4 months now, and I

haven't quit. I haven't given up. I

haven't been fired yet, which is nice.

There were a few times where I came close

to really wanting to quit because I found

it really difficult working with people

and dealing with certain customers, but

things are a lot better now, and I'm

really glad I haven't quit and I didn't

give up and I didn't get fired. Things are

going pretty well now. I'm very satisfied

with my current job. It's nice. To start

working again. Being unemployed, it sounds

great at first. At first it was nice. I

didn't have to go to work. I could sleep

all I wanted to. I could do whatever I

wanted. I didn't have to worry about going

to work or dealing with people or

customers. It was like heaven, but As

time went on, it started to wear off.

The novelty wore off, and I became

more and more depressed, and I felt like

I didn't want a job. I didn't want to

work. I guess it was partly laziness

and partly anxiety because my last

job was so bad. The job I had before my

current job, I was in Japan working in a

convenience store, and I absolutely

hated it. It was a horrible experience.

I had a lot of bad experiences with rude

customers. I didn't get on with coworkers.

I really hated the actual work. And after

I got fired— well, I kind of just left— I

came back home to England, and I didn't

really look for a job. I didn't even try.

I didn't even go out there and hand out

CVs or apply for jobs. I just didn't have

any motivation or determination to find

a job. I didn't want a job. I just

remembered the experience I had in Japan,

and I hated it so much that I never wanted

a job ever again. I would just stay in my

room all the time. I would stay at home

the whole time. On the computer playing

games, and I used to get so depressed

about it. I, I didn't see anyone. I didn't

have any friends. The only human contact I

had was with my parents, and obviously my

parents weren't happy about what I was

doing. They would often say things like,

go and get a job, we're gonna kick you

out. I know they wouldn't actually kick me

out, but it still kind of hurt my

feelings. Sometimes when my mum was in a

really bad mood, she would just unleash

everything, like anything negative she

could say. She would say, oh, it's a waste

of time having a son like you. Why don't

you go and get a job like a normal person?

Or, I'm so ashamed of you, you don't even

work. And,

and it was really hurtful having those

things said to you, to me.

I guess my parents aren't really that

strict because they didn't really force me

to find a job. They weren't like, if you

don't go and get a job in the next 2

weeks, we're kicking you out. I know some

parents out there would have been

stricter. They might have kicked out their

child if they didn't look for work, but my

parents aren't really strict. They kind of

just let me do what I want, so I'm

fortunate in that aspect. And I just felt

so worthless and useless all

the time. I felt like I was getting more

and more isolated from society and people.

I felt like I wasn't a member of society,

like I was some kind of outcast living

this weird hermit life in

a cave where I had no contact with outside

people. I feel like it was very damaging,

damaging to my mental health.

Being unemployed and damaging to my

relationship with my parents and damaging

to my financial situation. I had no money

like all the time. I couldn't buy things I

really wanted, and even if I could afford

to buy the things I really wanted, I

didn't feel like I deserved them. I felt

guilty all the time, and every day was so

boring. I slept maybe 12 to 14 hours a

day. I would wake up really late,

maybe midday, and the rest, the remaining

10 hours of the day, I would spend playing

games or on the internet. It was just such

an unfulfilling, unsatisfying lifestyle.

People kept saying, my family kept saying,

you need to get a job. You should get a

job. It would make you feel better. It

will give you a sense of purpose. It will

give you money. And I was like, no, I

don't need a job. I'm fine. A job won't

make me happier. It will make me more

miserable. Look what happened last time I

got a job. It completely— it almost

destroyed me. It took me ages to recover

from that experience. I was stubborn at

the time. I didn't really need money

because I wasn't paying rent, I wasn't

paying for food, I wasn't in a situation

where I absolutely needed money

desperately, so I

didn't really feel like there was any

point in getting a job. Having more money

wouldn't really make me happier,

but I didn't realize that having a job

isn't just about getting money. It also

gives you a sense of purpose.

It makes you feel like you're a

responsible adult, a member of society.

There's this satisfying sense of

achievement after you've finished a hard

day of work, and then you come home and

relax and maybe do some shopping and buy

some things that— things that you wanted,

and it actually feels like you deserve

them. And I don't feel guilty anymore

about buying myself a few things now and

then with the money I earned. And I didn't

really realize how important those things

were until recently. So after

working at the petrol station for about 4

months now, I do feel more comfortable

talking to strangers and interacting with

people. It does help if you're just

exposed to people on a daily basis and you

have to do it. If you're forced into doing

something, then you, you get used to it.

But the more you hide in your room, in

your house, and the less you interact with

people, the harder it gets. I think I can

kind of understand now why a lot of people

who have retired and They're 60+,

65, and they end up going back to

work or looking for work or doing

volunteer work. I used to think, why would

you do that? You've retired. You don't

have to work anymore. Why would you want

to work? It's because working gives you a

sense of purpose, and I think that's

important for people to have a sense of

purpose. If you don't have a sense of

purpose, then You just feel like you're

useless, you're worthless, you might as

well not exist. What's the point in your

existence? I don't know if I want to do

this job for the rest of my life, but I'm

actually enjoying it right now. I want

to become a reliable part of the team,

someone they can depend on.

I don't know how long I'm going to be

doing this job. Maybe in 20 years' time

I'm still going to be doing the same job.

If that was the case, I don't

know if I'd feel happy about that.

I don't even know how long I even want to

work at this job. I don't have a plan.

I don't have a plan for my future. I don't

have it all mapped out. Does anyone? Do

you have a plan for your future? Who has a

plan anyway? I don't know what's gonna

happen. I don't even know what I'm going

to do this year. I don't even know what

I'm going to be doing next month. I guess

we'll just take it one step at a time.

For the time being, I just want to be able

to do my job well. Yeah, that sounds like

a good plan. Do the job

and do our job really well, and then save

up loads of money, and then do something

really crazy. Like,

I don't know. I don't know. What should

I do? Oh, we could buy a horse and then

ride it to work.