[2018-05-09] Why I Don’t want kids [YKFccIBvJXM]

Had some coffee. I just had this big pink

mug of coffee, and, um, and I just made

myself another cup of coffee because for

some reason I really feel like drinking

coffee right now.

Sometimes people ask me, hey Daniel, do

you want to have kids now, now that you're

married? And the, um, honest simple answer

is, uh, I'm not sure yet. We haven't

really had a discussion about it. We

haven't talked about it much. And there

are no plans currently for making babies.

I still find it kind of difficult to

understand why you would want to have

kids. I mean, how does having— how would

having kids benefit me in any way? It just

seems like if I had kids, it would cost me

money, I'll have less time to do what I

want to do, and I might not be a very good

parent. Sure, they look like fun when

they're young. You can play with them,

you can run around and play fetch. But

then they grow up. They grow up into

teenagers and they turn into annoying

little shits. And then they turn into

adults, and then they abandon you. They

fly off to some other country halfway

across the world, and then you never get

to see them ever again. And it'll just

feel like, oh, I just wasted 18 years of

my life spending money,

resources, and time raising these tiny

people, and then they fly all the way over

to Timbuktu and get married to who knows

who, and then I never get to see them

again. And then all of a sudden they're

having their own kids, and then I have

grandkids that I can't even see because I

have to go all the way to Timbuk-bloody-2

if I want to see them. And no, I don't

want to fly over to Timbuktu because I

have no interest in that country. I'm sure

it's very rewarding to raise a child and

then see it grow up and then see it turn

into a proper functioning member of

society, but what if it doesn't turn out

that way? What if my kid turns into some

kind of freak or criminal or weirdo who,

who has tattoos all over his body and then

joins a motorbike gang and then pierces

his, his foreskin. I don't know. It just

seems like there's lots of things that

could potentially go wrong if I had kids,

and my kid could turn into something

undesirable. I don't really like kids

because when I was a kid, I was bullied by

all of the other kids. I can't even go

outside without feeling intimidated when I

When I see a bunch of kids roaming the

streets running around shouting and

screaming like a pack of animals, it makes

me feel nervous. I can't even go down to

the park without feeling uncomfortable

when I see a bunch of fat boys running

around shouting. Sometimes I walk past

parks packed full of kids running around

screaming and shouting, and I feel like

I'm an alien visiting this planet and I'm

observing human offspring in their natural

environment. Feels like I'm at the zoo.

There was this one time when I was a, um,

I was a 10-year-old kid and I decided to

go to the park by myself. And there was

this other kid, there were 2 kids there,

and I knew them from my school. And I

decided to go over to one of the kids and

I just thought it'd be funny if I kicked

his shoe because he took his shoes off and

I kicked his shoe and I thought it was

just like a funny prank. And then the

other kid came who was apparently— it was

his older brother. I turned around And he

said, oi! And I turned around and there

was this big fat kid with curly blonde

hair and he was holding a baseball bat.

He was holding a baseball bat and he was

walking towards me very slowly and I was

so afraid. I turned around and I ran. I

ran all the way home and I didn't even

look behind me. He wasn't even chasing me,

but I ran anyway. And I got home, I ran

inside, my mum said, Daniel, Daniel,

what's wrong? What happened? And I said,

Mum, there was this scary boy at the park

and he tried to beat me up with a baseball

bat. And I never ever went to the park

ever again. And I also started to really

hate baseball and sports and fat kids with

blonde curly hair. Sometime later, my mum

confronted the fat kid with the blonde

curly hair because she also knew him from

my school, and she said, why did you bully

Daniel? And then the fat kid with the

blonde curly hair said, I didn't. Daniel

was bullying my little brother. He was

kicking his shoe. And then my mum said to

me, Daniel, why were you bullying his

little brother? I said, I wasn't bullying

his little brother. I was just having some

fun. I just don't really like kids.

They're stupid. They're annoying. They're

loud. They run around like crazy little

monkeys. Every time I see someone else's

kids, I just think, ugh, I don't like

those kids. I don't know if it'd be

different if they were my own kids. Maybe

I would really love my own kids, and I'd

be like one of those dads who are really

obsessed over his kids. But other people's

kids? Get them away from me. I can't stand

it when people bring their young children

on aeroplanes. What's the point of taking

your kids on holiday? They're not going to

remember it. I don't remember anything

before the age of 6 or 7. It's just a

waste of time, and you're irritating

everyone else on the aeroplane with your

stupid crying babies. I really think they

should just ban people from bringing

babies or young children onto aeroplanes

because it's just so annoying. Why would

you want to bring your baby on holiday

anyway? It's not going to— it's not going—

it's not going to remember any of the

holiday. I don't think my wife really

wants kids either because she did say that

she doesn't really mind not having kids.

She works at a school and she sees— she

interacts with kids, young kids, every

week. So she said she doesn't really feel

like it's that big of a deal if we don't

have kids. She said if I wanted to have

kids, then she doesn't mind making me some

if I can provide financial support,

which I can't. But sometimes I feel like

maybe it would nice— it would nice to be—

would be nice to have— it'd be nice to be

able to speak English properly. Sometimes

I feel like it would be nice to have kids

just so I can give my parents some

grandkids. I don't know if my parents

really care if I have kids or not. Maybe

they would be happy if I did make them

some little Daniel Juniors. But then

even if I did have kids, they wouldn't

really be able to see their grandkids

because I live all the way in Timbuktu.

Sorry, Mum and Dad. So if I had grandkids—

I mean, if I had kids, my parents would

only be able to see their grandkids if

they came to Japan, or if I took my kids

over to England. Then I would be that

parent bringing his crying, irritating

babies onto the aeroplane, irritating

everyone else around me, just so my

parents can see their grandkids. Oh,

my sister can make— my sister will make my

parents some grandkids. That's fine. I

don't need to worry about that. My

sister's going to be a baby factory, and

she lives in the same country as my

parents do, so they'll be able to see

their grandkids on a regular basis. I

don't even know if I would be a good

parent or not. Number one, um, what about

my job? My job is YouTube, and it's not

really a stable job, is it? Right now it's

going pretty well, thank you, but that's

only now. What about next year? What about

in 2 years? Years' time? What about in 5

years' time? Is my YouTube channel still

going to be generating enough money to

support a family? I don't think so.

Even if money wasn't a problem, there's so

many other things that you kind of have to

do as a parent. For example, you have to

take your kids to school, you have to take

them to the hospital, you have to take

them to their friends' places, you have to

take them to events or outings. You have

to do all of these things that I don't

really have that much interest in doing.

And then what about things like, am I

allowed to film my kid and then put it—

put him or her into my videos on my

YouTube channel? Do I need— do I need my

kid's permission to use them in my videos?

I mean, Casey Neistat films his daughter

all the time. Do you think Casey Neistat

asks his 2-year-old daughter if it's okay

to put her in his videos? No, he just

films her anyway. What if my kid gets

bullied because his mates at school find

out that his dad is a weirdo on YouTube

and then bully him because of that? That

means I need to keep my kids' faces a

secret, which is kind of sad because I

want to take photos with my kids. I would

want to take videos with my kids. What if

my wife doesn't want me to film our kids

and I want to film them, and then we have

this huge argument about it, and then we

split up, and then she gets custody and I

never get to see my kids ever again?

There's just so many things like this that

you have to consider, and it's just a big

headache. I would rather get a cat. This

might sound kind of strange, but I don't

even know if I'm physically capable of

impregnating a woman because I've had

multiple relationships relationships in

the past where we had intercourse

unprotected. I didn't use a condom, they

didn't use protection, or they weren't on

the pill, and I've never impregnated

one of my ex-girlfriends by mistake or by

accident. Even the time when I was in a

relationship with this Japanese girl for

nearly 3 months and we were having

unprotected sex— I mean cereal— I mean

intercourse— we were having unprotected

cereal for nearly 3 months and I still

failed to impregnate her. Now, I don't

know if it was because we both had

chlamydia at the time. Maybe that had

something to do with it. But there was

also this other time when I had this other

Japanese girlfriend where we had

unprotected serial for nearly two weeks,

and she didn't get pregnant either. Maybe

it's a combination of me having fairly

weak sperm and my ex-girlfriends being not

very young. Anyway, now that I think about

it, I'm very grateful that I didn't

accidentally impregnate any of my

ex-girlfriends because it would have been

kind of troublesome if. They did get

pregnant and I had some, some children

that I didn't really want to have in the

first place. Yeah, I guess I should have

used the condom. But it turns out

everything was okay. I didn't have any

unwanted kids. My chlamydia cleared away

after taking lots of antibiotics and

suffering from excruciating pain for

nearly 2 years. But apart from that, who

would have known that having chlamydia

would actually be a good thing? People

bash STDs all of the time, but they never

tell you that having an STD can actually

prevent you from having The worst STD,

also known as children.