I hate seafood

Here's a question for you. Do you like

seafood? Yeah, I love seafood. Get out!

Uh, actually, please don't go. Stay,

stay, have a drink. Okay, so let me try

and explain why I find seafood repulsive.

Now, when I say seafood, I'm not including

fish. Fish is okay. I quite like fish. I

like salmon. Salmon's our friend, our

delicious, delicious friend. What I mean

by seafood is lobster, crab, and all

kinds of shellfish. They just look really

weird, like aliens or some kind of

gigantic insects. Okay, let's start with

crabs. Here's a lovely picture of some

crab cuisine. Okay, so what's wrong with

this? Well, it looks like it's starting to

rot and all of its flesh has started to

ooze out of its body. And then there's all

this orange liquid which looks like a

puddle of gut juice. Seriously, it just

looks like a crab died and then it started

to rot. And then its rotting organs and

flesh have started to decompose into this

disgusting-looking orange liquid. But it's

nice how they sprinkled some green

vegetables on it to try and make it look

pretty. And as for the taste, I've

actually tried crab before, and it

literally tastes like how the sea smells.

You know, that kind of rotting fish smell.

And it's such a hassle to eat. You need

like a special tool to crack open the

claws and then suck out the meat. And then

look at this picture, a load of crabs in a

pot. It just looks like someone murdered

bunch of crabs and then chopped up the

bodies and then put them into a pot, and

now they're just boiling it down into some

kind of liquid to hide the evidence.

Okay, on to lobsters next. So lobsters are

pretty much the same as crabs, but they're

a bit longer. It's pretty much the same

deal. You have the claws and the legs

which you need to crack open and then suck

out the meat. The thing I hate most about

it are the legs. I mean, look at them.

They look horrible. They look like

spider's legs. It looks like a giant

spider. A giant orange spider. If someone

served you a giant spider that had been

cut in half, what would you think? Would

you think, oh wow, I want to eat that?

Probably not. But then why do a lot of

people enjoy eating lobster? I just, I

just don't get it. Um, because it tastes

delicious. Really? When I tried a lobster,

there wasn't really much flavour. There

was like a mild stench of sea. I guess the

main reason I dislike lobsters and crab is

because the way it's served. Look at all

those legs and weird feeler antenna kind

of things sticking out. Maybe if they

scooped out all the meat and turned it

into like some kind of burger or steak,

then it would be okay. But nope, they

always give you the whole carcass, the

whole body, the whole shell, all the

claws, all the legs, all the antennas. If

I went to a restaurant and ordered a steak

and they gave me a cow carcass with its

legs attached and they told me that I had

to scoop out the meat and then break off

its legs and suck the meat out of its

legs, then Yeah, I'd be pretty grossed

out. I guess I don't like eating food that

looks like how it used to look like when

it was alive. I like things like sausages,

steaks, burgers, because they don't look

like what the animal used to look like,

and it doesn't remind me that this came

from an animal that was once running

around. I guess you could say I should

just become a vegan if I don't like the

idea of eating something that was once

alive. Then what am I supposed to eat?

Vegetables and fruit were also once alive,

right? Anyway, this isn't a video about

veganism. Okay, so what's next? Mmm,

shellfish. Shellfish also kind of grosses

me out because when you eat shellfish,

you're eating the entire body. You're not

just eating the flesh, nope, you're eating

the whole thing. The organs, the eyes— I

don't even know if shellfish have eyes—

the brain, the digestive systems. You're

probably also eating the poop sack.

There was this one time when I was eating

a mussel and I decided to cut it in half

to see what was inside, and I found a a

tiny crab. It just looked like a really

small orange spider. I guess it was a baby

crab, but it was so gross. It was

something that the mussel had eaten, so I

guess it's kind of cool because it's like

2 for 1. You get a mussel and a crab, but

that experience just put me off eating any

kind of shellfish. Oysters are even worse.

They're just horrible. Look at them.

They're like slimy, cold— well, that's if

you eat them cold. It's like eating snot.

I bet snot actually tastes better. Then

there's prawns. I guess prawns aren't too

bad. As long as you remove the head and

the legs. But there was this one time I

ate a prawn and there's this weird black

thing on its back and I bit

it and it was all gritty like chewing

sand. And then I found out later that that

was its digestive tract and that just

completely put me off prawns. So that was

reasons why I don't like shellfish or

seafood. So if you want to go eat seafood

with someone, you might want to ask

someone else. Hmm, it's not like anyone

invited us anyway.