I fell in Love with a Vietnamese h00ker

Hello and welcome back to a new video.

So today I want to talk about my dear

friend Bilbo's recent trip to an

unspecified country in Asia that

definitely does not begin with an M. So my

best friend Bilbo told me that he had a

really great time in general in this

country. He had some great food, he saw

some really nice places, but there was

just one thing missing from the trip that

prevented it from being a perfect trip.

And one could say that this trip was

lacking in a certain luster. And actually,

Bilbo has been to this country before, a

couple years ago, back when he was happily

married, and he brought his ex-wife to

this country, and he kept comparing this

trip to the trip a couple years ago when

he was married and kept thinking to

himself how much better it was last time.

There's nothing much sadder than going on

a vacation to a wonderful-looking country

when you're single. That's probably one of

the most miserable times in your life, is

when you have to stay in a hotel room all

by yourself. One of the things I truly

believe in life is that a hotel room

should never really be slept in alone,

and if you ever do find yourself alone in

a hotel room, then you must think to

yourself, wow, my life really went wrong

somewhere, somehow. It really is just a

crying shame to have to experience such a

beautiful place, such as the country that

he went to, and have to experience it as a

single man. It's like going to a really

nice restaurant, ordering the finest steak

there, and then you don't have any ketchup

or salt to add to it. It just feels and

tastes kind of bland. So I said to my dear

friend Bilbo, if you think the steak

tastes so bland, why don't you just bring

your own ketchup or buy your own ketchup

and bring it with you and add it to

whatever you want? And he said to me that

he was tempted to many times. Every time

he walked by an ATM or a cash machine, he

kept getting the temptation to withdraw a

fat stack of benjis and buy some of his

favorite ketchup. But he said to me, the

problem with buying your own ketchup is

that the people who sell the ketchup,

they don't tell you what the ketchup

tastes like looks like, it's not until you

actually buy the ketchup can you tell if

you like it or not, and by then you've

wasted the money. So the days went by and

Bilbo's craving for some ketchup or

anything to spice up his bland steak grew

more and more intense. Everywhere around

him he could see cute, young, pretty

female women coupled with these fat ugly

monstrosities, and Bilbo was just

outraged. Bilbo kept thinking to himself

how unfair life was, why Why did he have

to sit there and suffer in solitude whilst

everyone else was having the time of their

lives? He managed to resist temptation for

the majority of the trip, but on the last

few days, it was just too much and he

caved. On the last few days of the trip,

he found himself with quite a lot of

privacy in his very own single-room

apartment, and he thought to himself this

was the perfect time and place to splurge

out and buy as much ketchup as he wanted.

So on the website, there were many choices

of different kinds of ketchup. Some was

from Thailand, some was from China, some

was from Hong Kong and Vietnam. First of

all, he thought he would have a go at the

Thai brand of ketchup since he had heard

such great things about them from other

ketchup lovers. But when the ketchup

showed up to his apartment, he was very

unhappy and unsatisfied with the way it

looked. It just didn't look like the

picture in any way at all. The packaging

was just kind of shriveled and deformed

and looked kind of Weird. He said he was

only able to enjoy the taste after he

turned the lights off and shut his eyes.

As long as he didn't look directly at it,

he thought it was okay as a ketchup

experience. So after such a long dry spell

and after having his first taste of

ketchup in a long while, he was kind of

hooked and he wanted more. Even though the

Thai ketchup wasn't really that great and

wasn't really up to his standards, he was

still up for another try. So he went back

to his ketchup dealer and asked for a

different one, and this time he was shown

some pictures of a lovely, cute, and

petite Vietnamese sachet. Now, as an

experienced ketchup connoisseur,

obviously Bilbo didn't believe that she

would look anything like the picture, but

he thought, why not give it a try? He's

never tried Vietnamese ketchup before,

maybe it would be interesting. So the

ketchup arrived and he went downstairs to

the entrance lobby to pick it up, and he

was pleasantly surprised with what he saw.

And standing in front of him was probably

one of the smallest sachets of ketchup he

had ever seen in his life. Probably around

4 foot 11 inches tall, he could put her

right into his pocket. But because of mask

regulations in place at the time, he

couldn't see the full package completely

yet. He had to wait until he brought it up

into his bedroom before he could actually

see what his purchase consisted of. And

when the mask was finally removed, he was

pleasantly surprised with the features of

the packaging. And Bilbo said that if he

was going to compare this ketchup sachet

to a human being's face, he would describe

the face as being perfectly balanced,

nice and round, pointy chin, without

anything being weird or out of balance.

There wasn't a big nose or weirdly thin

lips or weirdly shaped eyes. Everything

was just balanced pretty well. One could

say that it's not the kind of face that

you'd have to put a bag over or turn the

lights off. Now, you could say this sachet

of ketchup was a little bit too perfect

because as soon as Bilbo got to it back

into his bedroom, he got very excited.

Excited in a way that no other sachets of

ketchup has made him in recent times. And

he also admits that he started to develop

romantic and passionate feelings towards

it. Bilbo described her to me, and I say

the word her because Bilbo likes to assign

genders to his food condiments, and I

quote, she was perfect in almost every

single way. Small and petite, I could lift

her up with ease. Nice long flowing

feminine hair that was slightly dyed

brown. She wasn't fat in any way at all

and not too skinny either. Bilbo was very

happy and very satisfied. He squeezed

every drop of ketchup out of that sachet

until there was none left to be found.

There was one major problem though. The

packaging of the ketchup was all in

Vietnamese and he couldn't understand a

word of it. Communication was extremely

difficult using Google Translate, but

somehow he managed to exchange contact

details with it. He told me he tried to

extend the time by giving her more money,

but she thought the money was a tip, so

she took it and just left anyway. Bilbo

was very confused and didn't quite

understand what just happened. It took a

while until it clicked, but he was still

determined to see her again the next day.

But this time he wanted a longer-lasting

packet. Just 1 hour was not enough, so he

told the dealer that he wanted 4 hours

this time, and he said okay. The dealer

came by the next night and dropped it off

again. Bilbo told me that the transaction

was kind of awkward this time. When he

handed over the cash, the dealer dropped

all of the cash on the floor and had to

rush around picking each note up one by

one. A couple of burly men also approached

the car, which Bilbo wasn't quite sure who

they were. But everything was fine in the

end, and he managed to get the sachet back

up to his room without too many problems.

This time, it was here for 4 hours, not

just 1. But for some reason, something was

different this time. The sachet kind of

looked a bit deflated, a bit down. Didn't

really seem as perky as it did the other

night. Nevertheless, Bilbo was still

determined to consume what he had paid for

and treated himself to 2 generous servings

of ketchup in a row. But you see, the

problem was Bilbo didn't just want

ketchup. He wanted something a bit more,

something more romantic and intimate.

Even though he knew that the other person

wasn't interested in him in the same way,

he wouldn't mind if she just faked it a

little bit so he could get a taste of what

it was like to be with a loving and loyal

devoted partner once again. Like it was

when he was married all those years ago.

But unfortunately, she wasn't interested,

and instead she just whipped out her phone

and was on her phone scrolling for the

remainder of the few hours. After a few

hours, she made some kind of hand gesture

indicating that she wanted a tip. After

Bilbo refused because he wasn't really

happy with her service, she got dressed

and left. She just walked off without even

turning back to say bye, not even a wave.

Bilbo just experienced the sweet bitter

taste, the coldness of Vietnamese ketchup.

Although sweet at first, he couldn't shake

off the bitter aftertaste. He went back to

bed, shocked and stunned, curled up into a

ball and fell asleep.