Part of livestream from guesthouse era (circa 2017)

Why did I come here? I just can't, I can't do it. There's just so many people down there. And there's just so many people and they just become so loud and noisy, and I'm just sitting in the corner playing on my phone, waiting for someone to talk to me. But no one's gonna talk to me. Why would anyone talk to me? I don't even— I don't even greet people when they walk past. I probably look really unfriendly. Maybe I look a bit scary. I don't know what to do. It's just so difficult, so difficult trying to talk to I don't know what to say. I just become so nervous. There's this stupid American guy who keeps singing, keeps singing the same song over and over, and then he plays it on his iPhone on loudspeaker in the kitchen, and that stupid song stuck in my head. It's like... Oh, shut up. And there's like a group of girls. They look like their accent's American, but they don't look white. They're like Hawaiian or Filipino or something. They're so fat. At lunchtime, they were eating a whole jar of peanut butter and chocolate spread. No fucking wonder they're so fat. What do I do? What do I do? I have to go downstairs because there's no internet in my room. But then if I go downstairs, I'm just like— I feel like— I don't know, I don't know. I get it now. Privacy. I think I've changed. I didn't used to be like this. I used to— I used to want to talk to everyone and become everyone's friend. I didn't pick out who I wanted to talk to or who I wanted to be friends with. But for some reason I changed. Now, now I find it 10 times more difficult to interact with people. And I don't know if that's because I don't want to interact with them, or if I'm using that as an excuse not to have to interact with them, because that's easier. It's easier for me to just sit there and not talk to anyone. It's the easy option. I don't know if I can stay here for 3 months. This is the 4th day and I'm bored out of my fucking mind. There's no one here that interests me, that I think, yeah, I want to be their friend. I don't want to be their friend. They're not the kind— I just don't click with them. Yeah, I know you could say I don't even know them. I haven't even known them for more than 4 days. But sometimes you can just tell straight away if you're gonna get on with someone. What am I doing here? Why did I come here? Everywhere I go, I'm not happy. I'm bored at home. I'm bored here. I don't know why I thought it would be different if I came here. I guess you can't really escape your problems that are in your head. They follow you around everywhere you go. Oh, there's one piece of good news today. I found this downstairs. It was just lying there, so I took it. I think it was in the free-to-take area, so I think it's okay. I don't know. You shouldn't just leave your chocolate lying around if you don't want it to Get pinched. It was pretty good chocolate. It was like caramel. I ate most of it. Ah, tasted pretty good. Free stuff always tastes good. Um, I tried doing some drawing. I tried to make a comic, but it didn't work out very well. I'm pretty good at drawing faces, but when it comes to drawing poses and like a comic book scene, I get really lazy and I get fed up. And I just end up giving up. If things are too difficult or take too much time, I just end up giving up most of the time. I just don't have that patience for commitment. I want the easy way out, the easy way of doing things. I don't want it to be complicated. I don't want it to be time-consuming. That's why I can never stick to one thing. Pretty shitty day today. Played a lot of Hearthstone, watched YouTube. I did actually talk to a few people, so I guess there's that. I'm sorry. I don't know. I just feel really confused right now. Confused? What, what am I supposed to be doing? Why am I here? What time is it? It's 10:40 PM. Should I go to bed? It's kind of early. It's not like there's much else to do anyway.