Everything in my life is going Downhill...

Hello, welcome back to a new chat. Not

really anything fancy for today's video,

just me mumbling again.

So recently I feel like my life has really

gone downhill. Maybe it's all in my head,

or maybe because it's actually true. If

you think about it, in the last year,

um, I got divorced, I got dumped,

by a girl I really liked about 3 times,

nearly 3 times, 2 times maybe, and then

eventually lost her for good. I lost

nearly £20,000 on the stock market

now, so I lost about £12,000 of my gains

plus about £8,000 of my initial

investment. So from my— from

the peak Uh, until my current situation,

I currently lost maybe nearly £20,000.

I'm still confident it will go up

eventually, but still, it's really— it

really sucks. So I got divorced, I got

dumped like 3 times, um,

lost a lot of money. It's not permanent

loss, I guess, but still, it feels like

I've lost it. Lost £20,000 on the stock

market. And my YouTube channel is just not

going anywhere, and it's just getting

harder and harder to make views,

to get views. Getting 10K views used to be

really easy. I used to be able to get 10K

views in a day just like, just like that.

Now even using the most

clickbait I can within reason, um,

it still takes like 2 or 3 days to crack

10K. That's really, really worrying.

Uh, videos which aren't heavily relying

on clickbait and fake drama or fake topics

like I got a job, which yeah, by the way,

is fake. Of course I didn't get a job.

Non-clickbait topics, uh, will take over

a week now to get to 10K, and sometimes

they don't even get to 10K or just peak at

around 6 or 7K like my Abunpreach video,

which I was expecting would get more

because it's talking about a big channel.

Only got about 2K views from Abunpreach

viewers and then only about 5K from my own

viewers. So couldn't even get 10K of my

own viewers to watch that video. Very

disappointing. It's just really tricky to

make content right now. And you'd think

that the lockdown wouldn't really affect

me since, you know, the channel's called

Hiding in My Room. You hide in your room,

you don't go anywhere, you just stay in

your room. So how come not being able to

go out and travel is affecting you so

much? It's because my channel is built on

stories and experiences that I got from

traveling, going outside and meeting

people, and I haven't been able to do that

since I got back home in January. It's now

May. So it's been 5 months like this. I

can't believe it. 5 months and I've

done nothing because,

because stupid lockdowns and Japan's

closed. Japan's been closed since last

year. It's been over a year now since

Japan closed its borders. No one has any

idea when they're reopening. People saying

they're not going to reopen until next

year, which At first I was like, yeah,

right. But now I'm starting to think,

yeah, it does actually seem possible that

they could remain closed for all of this

year as well. And even then, I don't know

if going to Japan is going to be the magic

bullet that saves my channel. Maybe

there'll be some initial interest. People

will be like, oh, Daniel's back in Japan.

Is he going to meet Chihiro? Are they

going to get back together again? But when

they realize that it's just going to be me

sitting around in a hotel room all day

long playing Rainbow Six, I don't think

they're going to be that interested in the

Japan thing. A lot of people say, oh,

your channel used to get views because you

were in Japan and people were interested

in Japan. And I still, I still stand by my

opinion that that's wrong.

People watch the channel because there was

drama and there was relationship drama and

I was doing stuff. Even when I came back

home, even when I was in Korea and when I

came back home, I was still getting good

views, you know, 40K, 50K. When Mida was

here for the first time, I was getting

50k, 40k before she decided

that she didn't want to be a part of it

anymore. So I don't

really believe that I have to be in Japan

to get views. Yeah, being in Japan might

help a little bit. Maybe there's 5 to 10k

people who would come back if I was in

Japan again. But still, I think most

people were watching because there was

girl drama, relationship drama. If I go

back to Japan and there's no girl drama,

and there's nothing really interesting

happening, I think people are just going

to lose interest again. Because really

it's just going to be me in a room. I'm

not really going to do anything insane

unless, you know, I get lucky again and I

manage to find a new Chihiro and I go on

Tinder and I meet someone and I get a new

girlfriend, move in, and the whole thing

repeats itself, which Seems unlikely.

I don't know, maybe it's not impossible.

I mean, there are a lot of women in Japan.

There's millions of women. There's

thousands on Tinder I could match. I've

already matched quite a few. I've already

arranged to meet up with a few, but by the

time I can get there, they probably will

have forgotten me or they've met someone

already. So I feel like it's a bit too

early to start chatting to Japanese women

now because there's just too much time

and, you know, we'll just lose interest in

each other after months and months of just

boring conversation. So I feel it's too

early to start the whole Tinder thing.

Maybe I'll do that a couple months before

I've decided on going to Japan.

But yeah, the only hope is if I could get

back to Japan and recreate, replicate the

whole 2017 chain of events.

I guess there can be slight variations,

but I think I need to just replicate the

chain of events that happened in 2017.

Otherwise, let's say I fail to replicate

that, what's gonna happen? I'll probably

go on some dates and then I'll moan about

how boring the dates were or how annoying

the person was. And I'd just be sitting in

the hotel room or the apartment, not

really doing much, probably just eating

Japanese snacks. Maybe that's good enough,

like 7-Eleven Japanese fried chicken.

Maybe that'll get views. I don't know.

But I feel like people

are kind of wrong when they think my

channel was only getting views because I

was in Japan. It was getting views because

it was interesting. And there was stuff

happening. I bet you if I got a new

girlfriend now and she was happy to be on

camera and I could talk about it and stuff

was happening, I bet you all those people

would come back. They would all come

flocking back. Oh look, Daniel's got a new

girlfriend, start watching again, new arc,

blah blah blah. I guess the good thing

about being back home is although not much

is happening, my channel is dying, it

means I don't really need money. To be

fair, I only just need a couple hundred

every month to give to my mum so she's

happy, and I can buy a few things, you

know, like a box of beer or some treats.

I don't really need to be making thousands

every month like I used to. I don't really

have massive expenses, but still, it's

kind of sad to see your channel lose

steam, lose momentum. Sad to see people

say stuff like, your channel is boring

now. I just don't really see what I can

do. Lockdown is gonna

be mostly over at the end of May. I am

thinking about going to London to meet

someone, but I don't know if I could make

a whole video series about it. Maybe I can

just vlog myself going to London, saying

I'm meeting this new girl, and then talk

about what it was like. Maybe that would

be good enough. But I don't think she

would want to be in videos or part of

videos or be involved. She'd like to

remain anonymous.

So I don't really know what's gonna

happen. I don't even know if it would

lead anywhere. So it's kind of tricky. I

don't know what else I would do in

England. Um, I don't really want to waste

loads of money getting myself an apartment

in London. I don't even feel like people

really care that much about life in

London. Why I hate life in London.

Difficulties living in London. It's just

not Japan, is it? You know, life in Japan

part 1, life in Japan part 2,

difficulties living in Japan— that's more

interesting. People are interested in

Japan. People don't care about England or

London. So for content, um,

either I have to talk about this new girl

that I'll be meeting, or other girls who

might want to meet. Not many girls seem

interested in meeting right now. There

were a few at the beginning of the year,

but I don't really talk to them anymore.

So I really need to get back to traveling.

I think there's some countries that have a

green light system. I think there's about

12 countries that are letting UK citizens

come without needing vaccines or

quarantines. I think Portugal is one of

them. Portugal, Spain, those kind of

countries. Maybe I could go to Spain or

Portugal. Never been there before. I don't

really want to go to Germany again. It's

kind of boring now. I've been there twice.

Don't really want to go to France. I don't

really feel like traveling right now, to

be honest. The whole state of the world

just feels a little bit uneasy. A lot of

instability everywhere. People just seem

unhappy with governments and what's going

on in the world. It doesn't really feel

like a safe time to be going to different

countries, especially when The you know

what is still around, and I haven't gotten

vaccinated. I don't know when my age group

is going to be able

to get vaccinated. I'm a bit scared of

getting vaccinated because you hear some

stories about it. I guess I will have to

get it if I want to travel,

but I also feel really lazy. I was

traveling last year a lot. I went to

Germany. Went all over the place, but I

had like a goal, you know. I wanted to get

back with Mila. I was really into Mila.

Now I don't really have anyone.

I don't know, I don't really feel like I

have anyone that, um,

I see as a good opportunity for a

new girlfriend. It's kind of difficult

to get the motivation to travel somewhere

when you're not really that into

traveling. To be honest, I don't really

enjoy traveling a huge amount. It's okay,

I guess, but it just costs a lot of money.

It's really exhausting. You're just

sitting around in public transport and

airplanes and airports for hours and

hours, and then you sit in a hotel room,

and then you go to some nice-looking

places for a bit, and then I don't know,

I'm just not a huge fan. It was okay

when I traveled around Germany with Mila,

but that was mainly because I enjoyed

Mila's company, not really because I

enjoyed the traveling. If I could find

someone I enjoy spending time with, then

yeah, traveling would be great. But I'm

not really much of a solo traveler. I

don't really go to countries because I

really want to find out what it's like

there. I'm not that curious.

And then something else that's making me

feel down recently, it just, it seems like

everyone's having babies right now.

This year, the last few months, so many

YouTubers have announced they're having

babies. Alfie Deyes, PDR-san,

uh, this random guy I used to watch in

2017. I recently found out what he's up to

recently and he's also having a baby. And

owns like a business and got married.

And who else is having a baby?

That guy Only in Japan, John Daub, he's

having a baby. Just feels like everyone's

having babies and everyone is achieving

financial success. Their businesses and

YouTube channels are growing. They've

found partners they love and care about,

who also love and care about them. And

then I look at myself and I just think,

my life has gone nowhere in the past 14

years since I was 18, since I embarked

on the journey of trying to find love and

success. I've just

gone backwards, back to square one.

I was married, I had a visa, I was in

Japan, I had a channel that was doing

well. Everything seemed great,

2018. And then the beginning of 2019, it

was like everything was just on a

downhill,

downhill direction. Everything just

started to get worse and worse. And then

look at me now. No partners, no marriage,

no babies, No financial success.

My online businesses are slowly decaying.

Nothing is growing. Everything is

shrinking.

The only thing that's slightly growing is

my sub count on my main channel, but it

gets up to 108K and then it drops back

down to 107K, and then a few weeks later I

gain another 50 or 60 subs and it's back

at 108K, but then I upload something and

then I lose another 60 subs and it's got

to recover. So I can't even stay above

108K. Nothing else is going up.

Views are just going down and down.

Nothing's going viral.

OnlyFans is around the same level. It's

not really growing either.

Twitch— I can't really grow my Twitch.

It's always the same people who watch me

on Twitch, you know, just 100 viewers

every stream. It doesn't grow, it actually

just gets smaller as well. It's just

really depressing. I don't know how to

grow any of this. I don't know how to make

it bigger. And the only reason it grew in

the first place was just pure luck,

because the algorithm decided to make a

couple of my videos go viral. Wasn't

because I was some kind of YouTube SEO

search engine master. I have no idea what

I'm doing. It's just random luck. I was

just making videos randomly, and then just

by luck, a couple went viral and my

channel grew. And then since then, I

haven't had a single viral. The channel

has not grown. I only grew a little bit

thanks to Elvis Aiden, and then a little

bit because of Abba and Preach. But these

people don't stick around. You You know,

they sub to the channel, they watch a

couple videos, get a cheap laugh, but they

don't become long-term viewers, do they?

I don't know how to grow my sources

of income. It's a bit

worrying because I don't have any ideas.

And in the beginning of the year, my

stocks were doing really well, so I wasn't

really that worried about stuff like

YouTube or Twitch. Or any fans anymore

because I was making so much from stocks.

I felt like I could just say goodbye to

the whole video YouTube stuff.

Well, we know what happened there. I lost

everything. And now it's been 3 months

since the correction has started, and

still all my stocks are still

down. They're actually even more

down than they were. When I panic sold

everything. So I'm even more down than

what I was down before. It's just weird

because all the indexes are at all-time

highs, like S&P 500, the NASDAQ, they're

the highest they've ever been in living

history. But the stocks are still all

down. Look at Tesla, still down. BNGO,

Riot, Bitcoin mining stocks, Envis, Nano

Dimension. All of those stocks all down

still. NIO still down 40%,

30%. Nothing's going back up apart from

stuff I have very little of. So oil

stocks, bank stocks, Walgreens Boots,

dividend stocks are going up, and I've got

a little bit, but I don't really have a

huge amount. So my Exxon oil stock's up

10%, but I only put £1,000, so it's only

gone up like £100. It's nice to gain £100

here and there, but a couple hundred

pounds is— it feels like nothing after

you've dropped down from nearly £20,000.

A couple hundred is just meaningless.

So yeah, we're currently in May 2021.

Everything sucks. Everything is going

downhill. I don't feel like anything's

going well. The only bit of good news I

got was, well, I guess that girl wants to

meet up still, which is great because I

quite like her. Number 2, my new video

about regretting cheating is doing really

well. It got number 1 out of 10 and it's

doing much better than the previous number

1, which is hopeful.

I just need to be really careful picking

topics. Seems like there is— there are

some topics that people were still willing

to click on, mostly around about the

marriage and the divorce and cheating

stuff. Maybe it's just a regret series.

I need to do more stuff I regret. Why I

regret starting a YouTube channel, maybe.

But there's only a limited amount of

things I can talk about that I regret

doing. I don't actually regret it, to be

honest. I'm just pretending or coming up

with reasons why I guess I should regret

it. But eventually I'm

gonna run out of topics and I need to do

something new, meet someone new, just so

I've got something new to talk about. So

yeah, stocks still down, still bad,

not really improving much. YouTube

channel's still down, still bad. Not

growing at all. Twitch, not going

anywhere. OnlyFans, not really moving

either. And then to make matters worse,

we have a lot of guests coming over every

week, which really stresses me out.

I can't really concentrate on trying to

think about what I want to do about my

future, how I can improve stuff, when

there's constantly people coming over and

I can't even do basic things like making a

sandwich. I've got to prepare in advance

the night before. And people don't

understand. They don't understand why I

don't want to meet guests or strangers or

people. I've got a bunch of reasons why I

don't want to, but it's just a pain in the

neck having to explain it every time. And

they're like, oh, why don't you just

ignore them? Yeah, as if that would be a

good idea. Yeah, I'll just go downstairs

and if they say hi to me, I'll just

completely ignore them.

It's a terrible idea. That would just make

me feel really bad and really rude. I

don't want to be rude to people.

The only thing that's giving me hope is

hopefully things go well with this new

girl, hopefully stocks go back up,

hopefully Japan reopens and I can go

traveling again. I'm sure things are going

to get better. It can't stay like this

forever. Maybe in a few months' time

everything's going to be better. For now,

just Rainbow Six all day, try and make

some videos, do some live streaming, make

some money to save up for my next journey,

and just sleep for half the day.

Try and do some exercise, play some

football, try not to go crazy.

It's the best I can do.

What a depressing year.