Bored And Depressed-992675369

Okay, the sound's back. Is it back? Okay, the sound's back. Yeah, I got the sound back. I still can't get the widgets on the screen.

Hmm.

But I managed to make it work last time. Oh no, what? No. I thought— I nearly thought I got it working because there's layers, and I had—

Oh.

I thought I had the widgets underneath the camera, but now it's on the top. Uh, pa.

Hmm.

No, I don't know how to do it. I thought I could get it working. No, I don't know how to do it. Well, at least I got the sound working. Maybe next time I can get it working, but Streamlabs is working. On my phone, so that's nice. I had a bath today. Look, my hair's clean. And I ordered some beer for my birthday stream next week, and I got some beef jerky coming. That would be nice for my birthday celebration. You can hear me, can't you? Press 1 if you get— if you can hear me. I'm pretty sure you can hear me.

Yeah.

Oh well, I can't get the widgets working, so I think we have to give up. Let me try a test.

Whoa!

So the, the alert thing sound— the sound works, but you can't— did you see anything? Let me do that again. Test hosting. You can hear it, but you can't see it. Weird. I don't know why. It says showing on stream. Yes.

Your channel is really dying. You need to get back with Chihiro.

You can hear it, but you can't see it.

Only she can help save your channel. She was the main reason why your channel blew up in the first place.

No, she wasn't. The main reason was not having friends.

Just get back with her and use her again.

There were only 2 main reasons my channel blew up. It's because I talked about hating living in Japan. I talked about not having friends. None of the Chihiro videos went viral unless you count 200K viral. Oh, so annoying. You can't see any of the widgets on the screen. That's the whole point of using Streamlabs. It's so weird how Everyone was so interested in Chihiro. Chihiro, if it was just like a typical situation, no one would care about Chihiro. She's just like a normal Japanese woman. She— people only found her interesting because I made her interesting. Otherwise, she would have just been like any other Japanese woman. In Japan. And now everyone's just buggered off because she's not in videos anymore and I'm not dating anyone. So annoying.

Can you just get back with Chihiro for us? It's a win-win situation for you.

She doesn't want to get back.

You get your visa back and you get your viewers back.

She wouldn't want to.

Shush is old, but Shush is interesting when she was beating you up in livestreams. LOL.

There's no way she would want to get back to I need some good titles. Look how sweaty my hand is. I need some good titles that will get those idiots to click again. Set alert master volume. Is my face still red? It was really difficult to wash off the paint until I got into the bath. I used shampoo. To wash my face and it came off easily. You need some kind of soap. I used to be so good at clickbaiting those idiots into watching my videos, and now I can't get them to click. Lost my mojo. Bloody Mila. I used to be so good. I just— it would just roll off the tip of my brain, title after title that just made them click. Why can't I do it anymore? Maybe I need to do something like why I don't date fat women, or what I expect from my next girlfriend. That's the only one I can think of, and I'm too lazy to do it. I'm so frustrated that I can't get them to click. The best videos were, I would say, 2019. I was killing it 2019. Could have made content when I was sending you the dildo. Maybe I could have— my weird stalker fan sent my mum a dildo. Oh my God. I just can't do it anymore. Maybe I've grown up or something, but I just feel like all that nonsense is so stupid. Yeah, 2019, I was killing it with all the titles like, my wife wants to divorce me, going to get my divorce papers, going to meet Turkish girl. Oh, I got rejected in Germany. Meeting Essex girl. Why I'm giving up on women. I had so many great ideas. I can't— why can't I think of anything now? And then my last video with the whole femboy stuff is just making me lose subs. I lost like 60 subs because of the femboy stuff. I finally got over 108K subs and I'm back down to 107K.

Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.

Finally, I got over 100K subs twice now, and then every time I upload a video like femboy stuff, I lose. About 50 subs, and then I have to wait a week for it to get back up to 108k. It's like bloody Bitcoin, gets all new highs and then it drops back down. I have to wait a week for it to go back up again.

Do you want me to send you a new toy or what? You can make content for both YouTube and OnlyFans with it.

No, it's not, it's not the solution. The solution is I need to get back into 2019 mode. I need to get back into pre-Mila mode. I just can't. She broke my video-making mojo. That's why you don't come out as gay. Yeah, there's— I think I've got a lot of homophobic viewers. That's why I'm losing subs now, because of the femboy things. If I just made a video saying I'm gay or look, I'm a girl now, I'm gonna lose so many subs. It's because you aren't doing, doing anything. Yeah, but still, I could be making fake clickbait stuff like I used to, you know, like the whole sex doll infection thing. I used to be really good at coming up with ideas and then doing like a clickbait title and making it really cringy. Why can't I do it anymore? It's just like I've completely run out of ideas. I just feel like saying fuck it and just do a load of fake stuff, like, I've got a job now, I'm going through therapy. So fed up. Nothing's gonna get views apart from weird clickbait cringe.

I just know it.

I forgot I put an orange in there. Oh, it's moldy. It smells. I didn't know I put an orange in there. Now there's all mold spores probably in there as well. I thought I emptied the fridge. If I do normal vlogs, no one's gonna care. It will get like 6K views if it's just like, hey guys, I'm vlogging in my garden, look at me kick my football. Back in the day, I would have— I would do these topics that got views, like why I don't move out my mum's home, rating my ex-girlfriends. I don't know how I just got Completely ran out of ideas. I lost all my money on the stock market. Yeah, maybe that could work. It's like a— it has the train wreck aspect. People want the train wreck, but I just don't have anything train wrecky. This pandemic has really killed my mojo. Wait, I need to plug my charger in. Oh, I don't know how to fix this. Oh, that's nice. This adapter brick has USB slots on it. This tripod keeps falling forwards, and I can't rotate the shaft. I need a leg to be in the middle, but it's on the back. Surprised you started a stream this late. Very unlike you. Yeah, I'm just kind of freaking out, really. I just don't know what to do. I missed 2019. I miss uploading and then people who seem to be excited about what I was uploading. I miss the attention. Need more YouTubers like Abinpreet. It doesn't work. Even if it gets half a million views, those Half a million people are not coming over to my channel, and the ones that do, they don't stick around for long. I don't know how to get more viewers. I'm just fucked.

Stupid tripod.

You can hear me, can you?

Testing. Stupid tripod.

Yeah, you can hear it. Look at this. Oh, why'd I put the makeup video on the main channel? I knew it'd depress me. Look. Number 9, how I put my makeup. Number 9? But then the difference between number 1 and number 9 is only 2K views. Do I think my channel was blacklisted? I don't. I just think people are fed up and bored, and I don't have the same energy or ideas like I used to. To be able to make the stuff that they, they, they were watching for. I need to bring back, like, the cringe stuff. But I think the whole Mila experience kind of matured me in a bad way. It was the cringe stuff that people were watching for. That's where the 30, 40K views were coming from. But I just— I don't have the willpower to do that anymore. How did it feel losing your number one fan, Caesium? Kind of glad he's gone. I hope he doesn't come back. Fed up with him. Why do I touch my hair all the time? Why can't I touch my hair if I want to touch my hair? I lost interest in doing YouTube after I got into stocks, and now I've lost interest in doing stocks, so I'm trying to get back into YouTube. But I just— I'm finding it so difficult to care. Streaming's fine. Streaming, you don't really have to care. You just turn it on, you talk. But when it comes to making videos, you kind of have to think of a topic, and you actually have to care about what you're saying. Otherwise, you won't have anything to say. And you need stuff to say. You can't just sit there staring at the camera. But I just can't think of a topic that I can talk about for 10 minutes, or even 5 minutes. Why am I mad at Caesium? Why would I not be mad at him? He's screwed me over so many times, and he's got no empathy. He just nonstop giving me problems. Fed up with him. What did he do? He got me in trouble with my wife so many times. He orchestrated the whole Hong Kong guy thing. He orchestrated the Swedish girl thing. And then he dumped Pia at my house at 4 AM in the morning. And apparently he's like calling me names all the time, calling me mentally ill or something. He's one to talk. I didn't even do anything to him. I don't know why he's Doing all this stupid stuff. Yeah, he dumped her here means he drove her here and dropped her off. It doesn't mean the same as he dumped her as in he broke up with her. Like, you could dump a piece of rubbish off somewhere, or you could dump a piece of Clothing at the store. He dumped her here.

Come on.

I don't know why the— now even the donation text-to-speech is not working. You said you were talking to Chihiro. Collab with her. Pretend to be married. No, she told me not to talk about her. Make a video about C— I don't want to make any videos about cesium. I'm fed up with him. Have I turned the volume off? Oh, I turned the volume off.

I got a good content idea. Just make a video about how Caesium played you and how you were fed up with him. How you got rid of your number one freak stalker fan. That is a good topic.

No, I don't want to mess with this.

You need to create fake beef.

I'd rather just let it die and not talk about them anymore. I want to make some cringe topics. But I just can't think of anything. Maybe something like why, why I'm going MGTOW. It's just like what I did before though, why I give up on women. I need a new arc, that's the problem. I need a new New character, new location. That's what people are waiting for.

London arc.

I just can't imagine much happening in London unless someone wants to meet up, which I don't know if anyone wants to. I wish I didn't have to use girls to get people interested. It's so annoying. What did I make videos about before? I didn't used to make videos about meeting girls, did I? I used to talk about life experiences, but then I talked about everything already. There's nothing left to talk about.

Cringe topic would be you comparing and rating your mama and baby sister's panties. Also, new arc should be to bring the bi Japanese guy to UK and do some Taste the Rainbow stuff with him.

No, I can't involve my family. They'll get angry. Personality test? I might do it tomorrow. I'll do it on my computer. See, this is why I need a computer. I think I really need to buy a laptop. 2019, what was happening? I couldn't have a normal 2019 because my dad died. 2019 started off with a lot of drama already because Tomoko— remember Tomoko gave my screenshots to Kanaito and they leaked it? So even before my dad died, there were problems. And then my dad died, and then I didn't even have 2 weeks of normal life back in Japan in 2019. It was like 2018 was the only normal year of life in Japan where— well, I don't know, we still had fights and I ran away a few times. 2019, first half, my dad died and I was messing around in Germany, and then the last half of 2019 was like normal life in Japan. I never had a whole year just like a relaxed, normal life in Japan. And in 2020, I had like 2 weeks. I actually still have the video footage when me and Chihiro got stuck on the train when someone committed suicide. That was taken on the 22nd of January, so we were still together. But I never used it because like 2 days later we had a fight and broke up again. And then I went to Korea. And then we filmed a fugu video, but I didn't even upload it. We went to fugu and it tasted horrible, and then I was miserable again. Every year has just been a massive headache. Why can't I just have one normal year? First my dad dies, and then COVID happens, and then lockdown again. Can't catch a break, can I? The only thing I'm looking forward to now is when I can stream on YouTube again. Then maybe I'll be— I'm hoping, please, I'm just hoping that I can feel some kind of motivation when I can stream on YouTube again. Hopefully I get views 'Cause at least the livestreams would get views. Even if I was doing boring stuff, I'd get like 15K views. Would I ever change my profile picture? Probably not, 'cause I feel like it's iconic now.

Do you think Chihiro is getting pounded by younger guys now?

Can't talk about Chihiro.

She probably found cleaner in Nani's infected wee-wee.

Why do I want COVID to continue? I don't. Who does? I didn't ban all the trolls, I just banned like the r/Happa Hateful people. Those— there's like the trolls, which I don't mind because they're kind of funny, and then there's like the really, really hateful, spiteful, horrible people, and I got sick and tired of those people. I don't know if I should have chocolate. I brushed my teeth. But yeah, I'm just hoping that maybe the streams— maybe I'll feel motivated to do streams on YouTube. I don't know what they want. Well, I, I don't know. I do and I don't. It's like they're not interested in anything from me apart from relationships. I don't know, I just miss it when people cared.

If you let McLovin be mod in your streams and help you run Discord, McLovin will be a good asset to have, even if he is your number one troll.

I don't really need—

You always want to keep your trolls and enemies close.

Why does she talk so slowly? Uh, why can't you talk about Chihiro? You sound threatened. I don't know, maybe I'm being stupid, but maybe I'm just thinking that there could be a possibility of you know what if I don't piss her off. I don't know, I guess it's probably Very unlikely. I just think it's best to be on good terms with her instead of just, you know, milking the wife stuff more and then making her more upset. It doesn't seem like—

Why not get some girl viewer to make fake drama with you?

Get a girlfriend?

You said there were people willing to do that.

No, I can't find anyone willing to do it. Most of the girls I chatted to said they didn't want me to talk about them. The only one that seemed willing was Pia, but I turned her away, and now Pia is also saying Don't talk about me. Everyone's like, don't talk about me, don't talk about me, all the fucking time. I can't talk about anything. Sick and tired of people telling me not to talk about them. Who is Pia? Did you see the video I made about meeting a girl in London?

That's her.

There's a girl in Berlin who said she would meet. But I don't know anything about her. I don't know how old she is. I don't know how tall she is. I've only seen one picture. And then she doesn't reply straight away. And then there's a girl in Barcelona, but I barely talked to her. I barely talked to her either. I don't know where to go. I don't know which one, which direction to go. None of them really stand out to me. I don't really feel excited about any of them. The problem is I don't really feel excited about anyone. I felt really excited to meet the single mother girlfriend at first. Like, even the idea of having sex with her used to really excite me, and I was like, yes, I can't wait to go! Oh my God, it's gonna be amazing! Now I'm like, oh my God, what if she's ugly? What if I get rejected? What if she's annoying? I've had all these bad experiences since 4 years ago that's just made me a bit negative. Even when I match women on Tinder, I don't know what to talk about to them. There's nothing I really want to talk about.

If YouTube doesn't work out, you will have to satisfying your OnlyFans male subs. They will pay for you to tug and pull them.

It's not about money. I'm not upset because I'm making less money. I'm upset because people don't care anymore, and I want attention. I still feel like the money is decent. I can't complain about it yet. But I miss the feeling of people, people thinking Things like, oh my God, what's Daniel gonna do next? What's Daniel up to? I just feel sad. I just wish I had something to talk about. Something interesting that people could get into. Let me think. What is the most exciting thing happening? Ah, there was something, but I can't talk about it. It involves someone, and we were doing something. That's all I can say, but she told me not to tell anyone.

Fucking hell.

I guess the most interesting thing was the pier thing, but I already talked about it. No, it's not Mina. I haven't had any contact from Mina. Essex Girl hardly replies to me now. It takes her like a week to reply to me. I don't know why it takes her so long. I think she lost interest in me again. Back in 2019, she would message me every day, all the time, and now it takes like a week to reply. I think she's not interested anymore. I hope she doesn't find out I said that. She found out last time, remember? I was in Korea and I was crossing girls off my list and I put Essex girl ghosted me. She found out and she got upset. Ghosted me again. But then she said she wouldn't want to be in videos and she wouldn't want people to know that we're meeting, so I can't even—

What?

Make content out of it.

Non-content creators don't get nearly as much attention as you. You may just need to sublimate your desires into closer relationships like a GF. It's what most people have to do. Either that or some people just stay lonely.

I just want something to do.

It's a cruel world.

I don't even care about sex or loneliness at this point.

Has Shin the Jay Leno girl sucked you off yet? That is the someone you had something with.

No, someone told me that she wants to—

Admit it, Daniel, lol.

I don't think she likes me anymore. I don't know who said it, but they said something like, I think Shin has seen more negative aspects of your personality and wants to distance herself. Lost Shin too. Lost them all. Fuck. I lost Algerian girl as well. She hasn't messaged me in like 4 weeks now. I don't know why she stopped messaging me. I feel a bit relieved because she wanted me to take an STD test. I didn't really want to take one. I don't mind taking the chlamydia test because you just pee, but the HIV test, you need blood, and I'm really bad at taking blood. Yeah, I was chatting to an Algerian girl since last year Since Mila left in May, and then I stopped talking to her whilst I was with Mila again. But then as soon as Mila dumped me, she started to message me again. I've been— I was chatting to her since beginning of January, like every day, and we were planning to meet up. She was saying she's going to come here. But she kept trying to get me to do drawings for her book, and I kept saying no, I'm not interested, and she kept Trying to get me to do them. And the last conversation we had was about her book again. I'm just not interested. And then she, she didn't even message me birth— happy birthday. Now it's been 4 weeks and we haven't talked, so I guess she's not interested. Now I feel like she was just trying to get me to do drawings for her. Good thing I said no. I would never do stuff for a girl that I haven't even met before. Why? What's in it for me? I'm not gonna do free work for you just so you can take it and then disappear. This other girl started messaging me, and then she kept asking me to send pictures of my dick to her. I gave her a free link to my OnlyFans. I said, if you want to see more, just look at my OnlyFans. And then she said she didn't have an OnlyFans, and then she kept pestering me, so I blocked her. Takes like 10 seconds to make an OnlyFans. Why do people keep nagging me to do stuff? Keep saying, oh, please send me one. Can you send me one? Have you found one to send me? So irritating when they keep nagging. I don't want to do stuff. What's in it for me? What do I get out of it? Just getting fed up with these girls. I just block them now. I don't like chatting to girls when they keep trying to get me to do stuff. Well, they keep pestering me. Well, I feel like they're judging me. Just going to block them. It was cesium. What was cesium? Yeah, I do have to be careful, I guess. Any of these girls could be a fake. Girl and a troll. Usually I feel like they're real if they've got lots of pictures on their Instagram, the pictures go back from years ago, and it doesn't look like a fake Instagram. I don't know. I don't even know if I want a girlfriend. It's just weird because, to be honest, I'm not really that crazy enough. I'm not that crazy over the idea to get a new girlfriend straight away. I mainly want a girl so I have something to talk about for content. Is that bad? So there's nothing going on in my life, and the only thing that got people interested was when I had a girlfriend. So like, first it was single mother that got people interested in what I was doing, and then it was Tomoko, and then it was Chihiro. It's like the only thing interesting going on in my life is always who I'm about to date. And it's so sad that that's the only way I can get people's attention, but nothing else works.

If you want attention again, you have to go into boxing like KSI, Jake, and Logan Paul. You have to box Kanaeito Cesium Nobitar Anime Man Chihiro's brother-in-law or Casey.

I can't beat anyone in a fight.

People will watch that match for sure.

And then I'll get a strike for violent content. You know, I edited out the makeup bit where it looked like it was blood running down my eye because I was scared. I'd get a strike for violent content. Even red paint looks like blood now. I had this weird dream last night. It was really nice though. There was a female blacksmith, like an armor, armor blacksmith in those RPG games. And she was putting horseshoes on my feet, and then she was like creating armor and putting it on me, and it was really nice. I woke up from it half asleep and I felt so pampered and babied, like I was being looked after. She was putting horseshoes, like welding— I don't know how they attached them on. They, they I guess they nail them into hooves. For some reason I had hooves in the dream, and then she was like attaching the horseshoes to my hooves and then putting armor on me. It was really weird but also really nice. Yeah, I was like a centaur or something, or a minotaur, but I felt like I was being looked after. And it was— there were weapons. It was like an armory, a medieval armory. I think I have this weird thing of wanting to feel like I'm an animal being looked after like a pet. I'd love to be a dog. And just be fussed over and washed and stuff. Pampered. I miss when my Korean girlfriend used to put my head on her lap and then clean my ears. That was so nice.

I heard you had a horse fetish and used to force Jaehyero to watch horse pee movies with you.

No, I didn't force her.

LOL.

LOL. You just want attention and love. Yeah, but who doesn't? Doesn't everyone? That's why they seek a partner. I miss when the Korean girlfriend would— she'd get— she would exfoliate my face and then she'd get a hot flannel and then massage my face. It was so nice. Just the feeling of having my head on her lap, it was so comforting. She actually messaged me on my birthday. The Korean ex? It was a bit difficult talking to her. I haven't used Korean in ages. She said she bought a house in the countryside and she's got like 10 cats now. She literally became like a stereotypical cat— crazy cat lady. She's still single as well. I bet she hasn't slept with another man since she slept with me. I just can't imagine she got a new guy. She's not the type who desperately goes and looks for a new guy straight away. Before she met me, she said last time she had a guy was like 13 years ago. So in the last 20 years, the only guy she had was me. Last time we met was 2016. We had really good sex. She came to Tokyo to meet me for like 2 weeks. We traveled around. The sex was really good. Usually she's not really that sexual, she's not really that into it, but she seemed to really get into it that last time. And then I went to Taiwan, and that's when I started vlogging. And I started talking about everything, and then she saw, and then she found out that I had been seeing other women on and off whilst I was also seeing her, and then she got really angry. But we still chatted a bit, maybe once a year. She messaged me when Chihiro was here when my dad died, and I was in the shower. I came back into my room Jahira was sitting there on my computer reading my messages. And she was reading the messages from the Korean ex, trying to find out what she was saying. Had to— I had to put a password on my computer after that happened.

Oh.

There was no trust. It wasn't my fault the Korean ex just messaged me. I wasn't messaging her. I never messaged her. Maybe I should have messaged her when I was in Korea. Maybe she would have met up. Maybe I should ask her if she wants to meet up. Maybe she would. She must be like 50 now. Who gave the best blowjobs? I think Mila did. Most of them weren't very good. Usually I don't really like BJs because it, it feels— I don't know, I don't really feel turned on by putting it in a girl's face. I feel turned on by putting it in between their legs. That's where it's supposed to go. Just feels weird putting it in their face. I also— I'm not really a dominating person, so I don't like the feeling of grabbing their head and shoving it down. I'm not— what's the word? I'm too gentle. I'm, I'm the submissive one. I'm not the— what's the opposite of submissive?

Dom—

Dom— submissive. I don't like dominating. I don't like pushing the girl around and making her do it, do stuff. I like her to be the one who's like touching me up. That's why I like the chlamydia one so much, because she was aggressive. Not like violently aggressive, but assertive. I wouldn't even be doing anything sexual, I'd just be washing the dishes and then she would start giving me a BJ. Are you one of those herbivorous men? Yeah, I guess I'm a herbivore. That's why I'm not really interested in that little girl Daddy thing. I'm more interested in MILF and being looked after and pampered. But as I get older, there's going to be less and less MILFs because I'm going to be getting to that age, unless I start going out with 50-year-olds. There's a lot of benefits to older women. Number 1, they're less picky and fussy. Number 2, they usually have money and they usually have their own place. Number 3, usually most of the family are dead or they're not in contact with their family, so you don't have to meet them. And number 4, they're usually very lonely and needy. Young girls are always so flip-floppy, and they've got loads of friends, so they're not really lonely. They've got loads of choices and options, and they usually live with their parents or family. They usually have no money. And the only good thing about a young girl is— Well, this isn't actually true. They're not always more attractive. Some girls can be young, they can still be uglier than women in their 30s and 40s. So I don't really know what the benefits of a young girl are. I don't really see a lot of benefits to younger girls unless it's a younger version of an attractive woman. If a woman is attractive in her 40s, then she's probably going to be more attractive in her 30s. If it's the same woman, I guess it depends on the woman. I definitely don't think Mila's going to be more attractive when she's in her 40s. I can't imagine what she would look like in her 40s. I'm imagining she's going to have like massive hoops in her ears and she's going to have like Weird green hair or some weird new tattoo, like barbed wire around her neck or something. Unless she grows out of that phase and becomes normal, which I don't think she would. She still said she wanted to get more tattoos. I said, you want more tattoos? She said, yeah, I'm not done yet. She already got loads. Why do you want more tattoos? I don't like tattoos. But I always have to be quiet about how I don't really like tattoos because most of the girls who message me usually have tattoos. And probably the reason why I don't get many messages now is probably because I keep saying I don't like tattoos and it's probably scared them off. Probably if I just kept my mouth shut, I would have more options now. I'd probably have more girls interested if I didn't say all this stuff. I'm just shooting myself in the foot over and over again. If a girl watches a couple of my videos, then she might be interested, but the more she watches, the more put off she's probably gonna be as she finds out more of my negative traits. But it's just impossible to stream for hours and hours and hours and hide all your negative traits. How can I do that? You'd have to be really good at acting, or you'd have to be actually a really, really good person, which I'm just not. Hi Daniel. Hi True Strife. Hello. Time to give up? Yeah, I feel like giving up, to be honest. I just feel like it's, it's getting harder and harder instead of easier. I really don't want to become like an MG Tao incel guy, but it is getting difficult to resist. I always looked at those weird Japanese otaku guys who were like, I don't need a girlfriend, I've got my body pillow waifu. And I used to cringe and think, oh my God, I don't want to become like that. It's so sad and pathetic. But I feel like I'm heading down that path. It's so difficult being in a relationship. It's not easy. You have to put so much effort in. You have to make so many compromises. And then even if you find someone, it's no guarantee that you won't be alone. They could die in 20 years or 30 years' time, and then you're alone again. There's like no escape from the impending doom. One day you're going to be old and alone. Either you're going to die And then you're gonna die first, or she's gonna die or leave you first, and then you're alone. So it's either you're gonna be dead or you're gonna be alone in the end. There's— I don't think there's gonna be a happy ending for most of us. We're gonna be sad and lonely. That's why I kind of envy people like Andy Milonakis. He just walks around Chats to people. Seems like he's enjoying his life. It's just weird. We're on a planet full of humans, 7 billion people, and then you're worried about being alone because you're too scared to talk to them and you're too scared to try and make a connection. What phone am I using? I'm on my Samsung S10 Plus. Would you enjoy a platonic Non-physical yet very intimate relationship with my dream girl. Sounds a bit boring. Even though I was really into Mila, I barely messaged her when she left my place, and she said she was a bit unhappy with that. She would leave my place and I wouldn't even message her. Because I didn't know what to say and I didn't really want to talk about anything. I was all into stocks and I knew she didn't care about stocks, so I wasn't going to talk about stocks to her. We barely messaged each other when she was at her grandmother's place. And then she would send me pictures of her cat and tell me what she did with the cat. Um, but I barely— I didn't even message her, so I didn't know what to say. And I thought if I talk about everything now, then I won't have anything to say when she comes over. So I'll save everything I want to say for when she's here in person. What's in the mini fridge?

Nothing.

I ordered some craft beer. I'll put that in. I got some stuff for my birthday stream. Do I feel like an old man?

I do.

I don't really feel like a young guy anymore. I miss my mid-20s when I was like Yeah, I'm gonna go to Japan and meet my dream mate, my dream girl, and I'm gonna move to Japan. I miss that phase. Now I'm in that kind of bitter, jaded phase where my dreams didn't work out and I don't really know if I want to try it again. Can I do it again? The whole life in Japan. If I say no, then what else am I going to do? Grow a vegetable patch in the garden? Trying to move to Japan is like the only challenge I feel is worthwhile, beneficial. If I don't, if I give up on my challenge of moving to Japan, then I end up just staying at home and I'll end up doing nothing, not meeting anyone, and nothing will happen. And one day I'll just be 40 and I'll still be in my bedroom and I'll have nothing to show for it. I also keep dreaming about having a Tesla for some reason. I had this really weird dream. I was in my Tesla coming home from work. I don't know what work it was, and I engaged autopilot, but then the car kept bumping into the cars in front, and I was driving home and my dad was there, and I was really excited to show my dad The Tesla and what it can do. It was really fun. I wish I could get a Tesla. I can't even drive. I would love to see my dad's reaction to how we have self-driving cars now. That's just so cool. That cars can drive themselves and people can literally fall asleep at the wheel and be driven home. That's so crazy. I would have loved to have seen his reaction to that. He would have loved it. And electric vehicles and all that stuff. But electric vehicles existed when he was alive. He didn't I don't know if you knew about them. I barely knew about them. They used to do it on Top Gear. There's an old Top Gear episode when they make an electric car. It's about 5 or 6 years old. It's not like electric cars are really, really new, but they're becoming mainstream now. That's the thing. They were very niche back then. We went— when I dropped— when we dropped Pia off at the hotel, it was next to like a service station. They had electric car charging stations there. That was interesting. And there was cars charging, being charged up. Not Teslas, it was like a Volkswagen something. What country watches me the most? Americans. I don't know why so many Americans watch me. Hardly any English girls message me wanting to meet up. When did my dad pass?

In 2019.

What's my greatest fear when it comes to girls? Either I fall in love and then they dump me like Mina did, or they're really annoying and I can't get rid of them. I think I'm mostly scared of falling in love again.

That's scary.

And it's just so difficult to keep them in your life. So many things could go wrong. She could find someone else, she could have an accident, she could get cancer, and then you'd lose her. There's so many ways you could lose her. I don't know if I want to feel that again. I think I'd rather just be lonely and empty and then just have casual sex. Maybe that sounds sad, but then falling in love is scary. It feels so great, but then when you lose it, it's horrible. I don't want to feel that again. But right now what I mainly miss is— I miss enjoying making videos. I want to try and get back into it. I don't know how. I just— I can't think of any topics to talk about. Pull another Cyberpunk video. It's weird, even though my Cyberpunk video got— it got nearly 100K views, didn't it? Or was it 80K? I didn't really feel happy about it. I thought it was nice, you know, made a couple hundred dollars off it and it was really easy to make, but I wasn't proud of it. I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't feel good about it. It just felt cheap. When I used to make videos about topics I cared about, and I poured my heart into trying to talk about it and to explain my reasonings and my thinking, and I put it up and it looked good, it sounded good, I felt good. For uploading it. And people were so horrible to me, calling me a psycho and a weirdo, narcissist and sociopath. Just constant insults. Got fed up with it. Things like people saying stuff like, this guy's going to Go on a killing rampage. People are disgusting. I just lost respect for people, and I just started clickbaiting, trolling them. The ones that are really annoying when people say, I'm gonna go and kill people. Why would people think I'm gonna go and kill people? It's just sick. Killing people is such a waste of time. Either you have to kill yourself afterwards, or you get arrested and then you have to spend the rest of your life in prison. For what? And then the actual act of killing someone must be horrible and traumatic. I could never kill someone. I felt really motivated in 2017 because people were nice. But then it became— it turned into this thing where I had to be unlikable and a dick to get views. I had to trash talk my exes, and I had to complain about women, otherwise no one would be interested in watching. If I tried to make a positive video, no one cared. I'm just trying to imagine what. How I'd feel like if I still felt like people were interested, then what would I do? I'm just trying to feel— imagine what it'd feel like if all of a sudden I got another 100K subs and all of a sudden I was getting 50K views. Would I suddenly feel Motivated again and enjoy doing it again. I really don't know. I don't have any inspirational message that I want to spread. I don't have any advice. I don't have any useful information that would help people. All I had were stories to tell and experiences like working in Japan or dating girls. What is my most watched video? One talking about not having friends. How much money did I make off it? Off the video I made a couple thousand, but in total Because that's where I built most of my, my viewership off of. I probably made like $50,000 because the views I got from that video turned into an audience that kept coming back. That was crazy. I remember I was getting around 2,000 new subscribers every day. I only had about 7,000 subs at the time. Woke up the next morning, had 10,000. A few days later, I had 15,000, then 20, and then 30, and then 40. It just, it just went up so quickly. I couldn't believe it. And then my living— why I hate living in Japan video also went viral a couple of weeks after, and then the channel grew even more. And everyone was all like— there's like this excitement, this feeling of excitement, just not just me but also the viewers were saying stuff like, wow, this channel's blowing up. He's only got 40K subs but all of his videos get 50K views. It was so exciting. Make more videos about these topics. I've already made hundreds of videos about every single topic I could think of by now. You name it, I've probably already made it. Unemployment, depression, anxiety, dating, loneliness, and then all the weird stuff like sexual stuff. Just sad it's over. Do you think it was over quick? I think I had quite, quite a good run, wouldn't you say? About 4 years, maybe 3 years. Even the, the big OGs only lasted about 10 years before they became irrelevant. What caused my downfall? I blame it on COVID. Blame it on COVID and Mila. Did Mila boost the views? Yeah, she did. The views were better with Mila than they were during the last weeks of Chihiro. The last weeks of Chihiro, the channel was dying. I was struggling to get 20K. I was still getting about 30K maybe, but there was no more drama and I was exhausted from all the Hong Kong guy stuff. And then Milo came and I was back to getting 40K, 50K. It's the same people came back for the relationship drama. Maybe if there was no COVID, I would just go from one train wreck relationship to another, maintaining 40K, 50K views. Would I be happy? I don't know, I'd probably be exhausted from all the unstable— instability. Your loyal audience is pretty small. Yeah, that's another sad thing. Oh, look at LeafyIsHere. LeafyIsHere. Became irrelevant, but he still managed to hold on to a couple hundred thousand fans. Look at RiceGum, he still gets like 20,000 viewers on Twitch. Leafy still has a lot of really dedicated fans. The people really loved him. Even though he was a massive dick, and even though he said stuff like he was only doing it for money, he didn't care about this and that, it was just clickbait for ad rev, people thought he was cool. I'd say my— the core, core fan base is probably about 5,000 for me, and then streams maybe 100 people. But it shrinks. It just shrinks and shrinks because it's not growing. I'm not going to make new fans from my new content or from doing clickbait content. I don't know how I got fans in the first place, to be honest. I wouldn't make fans from the drama stuff because it just makes me look like a dickhead. I'm guessing people who consider themselves as fans found me from relatable stuff. I reckon in a couple years' time I'd probably only have like 50 viewers, and then I'd only get about 5K views. I just don't see it turning around. Unless a miracle happens and I have some kind of amazing story to tell again. I can't imagine what it would be. Quite a lot of stuff has already happened. Even in Rotterdam, a lot of drama happened, but it still didn't really catch a lot of attention. Getting beaten up, getting raided by the police, dumped. relationship stuff, but the Rotterdam stuff still peaked at around 20K views, 30K at most. I don't know what number I'd be happy at. I think 15 to 20k would be nice, but even that's getting really difficult to achieve now. Even getting to 10k is difficult. You were so happy looking and enjoying yourself yesterday. What happened? Then I uploaded that video and it did really badly. I might delete it actually. Do you think I should delete it? Ah, I hate deleting videos. It's gonna— it's not even gonna have 5K views tomorrow. It currently has 2.6K on my analytics. I think I'm gonna delete it. And it's not just the views that are doing badly, even the watch time is terrible. The watch time is like 1 minute 40. Usually I have a watch time of 4 minutes or about 50%, 40 or 50%. This one doesn't even have a watch time of 20%. I'm gonna delete it and put it on my second channel. It's just making me— it's depressing me. Yeah, I'm gonna delete it.

Delete it.

It's gone.

It's gone.

I deleted it. I'm gonna put it on my second channel. I should have put on the second channel. Fucking hate this stupid main channel. I thought people would find it interesting, but— oh wow, Daniel's putting makeup on. It's weird because I could have a video where it's just a screenshot of a picture and it would get 5 minutes watch time, which tells you that people are interested in what I have to say, but they're not interested in like the visual aspect. I could have a video where there's barely any talking, but I'm doing something, and it'll get really bad watch time, like 2 minutes. So people want to hear what I have to say, but they're not interested in me doing stuff. They're interested in drama or train wreck. So like self-pity emo topics are also interesting to them. I kind of want to delete the twin flames video as well. I don't know why I thought people would find that interesting. It has 8K views, but only because I put that thumbnail. Let's see how much money it made. Oh, I only made $20. What's the point? I'm gonna delete that too. Do you think the twin flames video was boring? No one's even talking about it in the comments. They're all just saying stuff about the thumbnail. Look, all the comments. What the fuck? It's like he was meant to be a girl. This guy's lost his marbles. You look nice in the wig. Great thumbnail. The thumbnail. He went trans. The thumbnail scared me. You look beautiful. No one's saying anything about the topic. I think without the thumbnail would have gotten terrible views as well. Might delete it. Simon and Martina managed to get 15K views. I guess that's good, but 26% was from search results. And 60% of that 60— of no, 60% of the 26% were Simon and Martina search results. So what's 60% of 26%? It's like 15%. So 15% of 15,000 is like 2,000. So without the search results, it would have had about 13,000. Yeah, why did people click that? 13,000 of my viewers decided to watch me complain about Simon and Martina. Yeah, people didn't even watch the video about twin flames. That has terrible watch time as well. You can tell people just clicked it the thumbnail. 2 minutes 57. Delete it. This should have been second channel stuff. Delete. I should stop putting these livestream clips on the main channel. We're back to everything's over 10K views. I really need to be careful and think carefully before uploading. Ah, how did I become like this? You know what I was scared of becoming? I was scared of becoming Gimmeabreakman, who just uploads Random nonsense, and then he killed his channel. Give me a break, man. Gets like 1K views now because he just uploads random nonsense. And I always took pride in the fact that I carefully picked topics that I felt confident that people wanted to see. It's already dead. No, it's not. It's not dead yet. If I'm careful with the topics, I think I can still get people to click. I, I'm gonna re-upload those 2 videos onto the second channel. When will the channel be officially dead to you? Yeah, I'd say 5K. If I'm only getting 5K views, then I would say yes. Pretty much dead. But if I can maintain— if I can keep it above 10K views, it's still floating along. When I get to the point that it's only getting 5K views no matter what, that's when I will put my hands up and say, yeah, it's dead. And then I'm gonna go into full clickbait mode. So full clickbait mode is going to be my problem with Anime Man, problem with Akidearest, my problem with XXX YouTuber, and I'm just gonna lie and clickbait and make up nonsense. I'm not gonna bother doing like honest vlogs when no one gives a shit. Some channels do that. You remember Tom Syndicate's girlfriend Kate? Her channel, Piddle Ass. Her channel's dead, but she carries on doing like honest, innocent vlogs, and there's only like 7K people watching. She isn't doing it for money. I'm not doing it for money either. It's not just for money. I want viewers who care. I'm only not abandoning, abandoning it and going full clickbait mode yet because I still feel like there's a bit of care left. If the channel was completely dead, then— I would stop trying to get 10K views with topics. I would just start spamming a load of shit, just make up a load of nonsense like, I've got a girlfriend, she dumped me, whatever. The only reason I'm not doing that yet is because I still feel like, uh, I could keep it going for a bit longer. Even if your channel gets demonetized, you'd continue? Yeah, I'd still stream and I still make vlogs. You can still make money outside of ad rev. You can sell merch and you can get donations and you can get OnlyFans. I'm just scared because I've got no friends and I can't get a good girlfriend and I've basically got no connection with my family and I feel so alone in the world. And now I'm at risk of losing viewers and my audience. I already lost a large chunk of them, and I'm just scared. What am I going to do when I've lost the viewers as well? I lost my wife, I lost all my girlfriends, I don't have any friends, I lost my dad. I barely have any connection with my family even though we live in the same house. I've got no one. All I've got left is my dying YouTube channel and the remnants of my audience, who— which is shrinking more and more every month. I'm gonna be fucked. I'm gonna be streaming onto Twitch and there's gonna be 10 people. Oh, I feel so alone in the world. Gonna become like Tim Schofield streaming on Twitch with 5 viewers. When McLovin's gone as well, won't even get any donations. You know, almost all the donations I got yesterday were from McLovin. He was like the only person donating. If he wasn't here, then I'd get like no donations. But he's gone now, I don't get any, do I? Before I had Caesium, I had all these other people. They've all gone as well. I even lost my Patreon. guy who was giving me $100 every month. He was giving me $100 a month for 4 years, and then he finally stopped. He said he didn't feel like He felt like I was giving up on my channels and stuff, and I didn't put anything on Patreon. All my fans were going— Ah, it's so depressing. Do you know what it feels like to be a dying YouTuber? It's like you're slowly dying, lying there watching everyone leave. So depressing. Your mind goes into like overdrive trying to think of how to get them to stay. Hey, look at me, look at me, I'm still interesting. Hate it. This is why Ice looks so depressed. Can you imagine being Ice, going from being the king of IRL, 20K viewers every stream, and now you only get like 2K viewers? And you're banned off Twitch. No wonder he's also depressed. It's not about money. People think it's about money. It's not. The money is nice. It's about feeling like you succeeded and feeling like you've grown something, and then watching it die in front of you, and there's nothing you can do to stop it dying. It's like you watching your baby die in front of you, in your hands. It's the silence. Silence is deafening. One minute, Everyone's in your DMs messaging you. As soon as you upload, you've got hundreds of comments, and then year by year, it's less and less. And there's no happy ending. Who can maintain it forever? I wonder if PewDiePie feels depressed about it. He's got 100 million, but he only gets 4 million views. And he gets— how many viewers does he get when he streams? He gets like 20k, 30k. Did I take the makeup video down? Yeah, I did. It was a stupid idea. I should have known. Should have put it on the second channel. PewDiePie still has strong large fan base. Yeah, but from his perspective, I, I just wonder if he feels like me, like that feeling of watching it go down. It probably doesn't scare him because he's In a loving relationship, and he's got friends, and he's got a social life and a family that loves him, or he feels loved by his family. He probably has a very fulfilling life, and he's not 100% dependent on his viewers for social interaction. Maybe I need to go on that Healthy Gamer livestream. I watched a few of them. I watched Jacksepticeye one. He is quite good. Who am I jealous of? But you never know, do you? You can say, oh, I'm jealous of Leonardo DiCaprio. Maybe he's also depressed and miserable. Everyone's got their problems. Imagine being like one of those Friends actors. That must be depressing. Look at Matthew Perry. He used to be so handsome, charming, funny, on the most popular TV show of all time. That must be sad. Maybe it's just normal, you know. Everyone has this. They have their peak, their prime time, and then afterwards it's downhill, and you just gotta find a way to cope with it. You know, like Notch, the guy who made Minecraft? He was also saying he suffered from loneliness. He bought that $5 billion mansion in Miami or something, and it was— he was just like completely isolated. I think the richer you are, it just isolates you more. I'm not rich, but I still make enough money to not have to Be part of society like a normal person. It's like you look at those— have you seen footage from the World War II beach landings and the soldiers They look so happy. Why the hell are they so smiley and jolly looking? They're marching into war. They could die the next day, but they look so happy. They're all laughing and bumping shoulders, lighting each other's cigs, getting ready to go on an adventure. Like they've got a goal, a mission, this camaraderie. And then I'm sitting here in my bedroom and I feel like shit. I felt happier and more motivated when I was playing World of Warcraft. And I was part of a raiding guild, and I felt like people were relying on me, and I was important and needed and wanted. Maybe I should start playing World of Warcraft again. But then I'm even too lazy now to level up. I can't be bothered. I get to like level 8, and I'm already bored killing boars. And pigs or whatever. I used to be the lead elemental shaman in our raiding guild in the Burning Crusade. We started raiding Karazhan, ah, and then I got all my epic gear and I left the guild and I changed servers. I'm such a dick. I just took all the gear for myself and I changed servers. I was too much of a coward to even stay on the same server. Why am I like that? I'm such a massive cunt. And I didn't even feel bad about it. I thought it was funny. Why did I leave the guild?

Yeah.

Because I got all the gear that I wanted and I didn't feel like I needed to do it anymore. Because I was their main shaman, I had priority. I had First— what's the word? I had first access to the loot. Yeah, first dibs or something. Now I only play Rainbow Six because it's easy. You don't have to gear up, you just jump into a game. It's the same thing every time. You don't need to power up or level up or grind. You just jump in, select an operator, it resets every match. That's why I like Rainbow Six so much. Zero commitment. Jump in, jump out. You could go AFK one match, doesn't matter. But Rainbow Six can feel a bit lonely. There's no sense of community. There's no sense of progression like you had in World of Warcraft. The best social game I ever played was Star Wars Galaxies. That game was so fulfilling, and there was such a great community feeling. People would just hang out in the town— guild town. We'd just hang out outside the town hall chatting, showing off our speeder bikes, and then the rebel faction would come and raid our town. We would defend it and then push them back to their town and And then there'd be like a no man's land in between our towns. We'd be pushing them back and getting pushed back. It was so great, that feeling was just— I don't think modern-day games have that anymore, where you can band together with a bunch of strangers, create a guild, create your own town, create a name for yourself, a reputation. Make friends, hang out. People just hung out in the game without even really playing it. You'd go over to people's houses, people would have like parties, dinner parties in their houses that they've made and decorated. It was so good. I forgot what my profession was. I tried a lot of stuff. One of my favorites was the sniper bounty hunter. So you could get a contract to hunt down a player Jedi, and then you track them down, and then with the sniper abilities, you You could get a rifle and pick them off from a distance. You would usually wait until they're busy fighting something else and then shoot them in the back. Because Jedi were usually powerful, fighting them face on would be a bit suicidal unless you had really good gear. One time me and this other bounty hunter teamed up to take down this Jedi. He nearly took us out. And then we took him out, we split the money 50/50. That was such a cool moment. But the reason why that game was so good wasn't because the game was good, it's because It encouraged social interaction and making friends. You had to. You couldn't survive in the game alone. The game would be so difficult if you tried to just be a loner. You needed a guild. You needed help. What type of light is my ceiling light? It's just a normal light. It's full of dead insects. There's like a dark patch in the middle. Looks like a shadow. It's probably hundreds of dead flies over the decades. They go in there and they get cooked. They're so stupid. Sometimes wasps come in my room and they get attracted to the light and they go inside and they buzz around because it's so hot in there and they die. There's probably a dead wasp or 2 in there as well. It's funny how antisocial you are, but you find that you need people more than you thought you needed. Yeah, that is the biggest contradiction in my entire life. I hate people, but then I'm miserable because I don't have people. I'm sad and lonely, but I'm against the idea of making friends and showing interest in people. The hell is that? It's like you desperately want to drink beer, but you hate the taste of it. I hate people so much. They're so stupid looking and irritating, and they all have problems, and they want you to help them fix their problems. And they always end up screwing me, like bloody Hong Kong guy, or Rotterdam landlord, or Tim Schofield. Everyone just wants to screw me. Or use me. And then everyone thinks I'm weird. I just feel down because I miss the days when I felt motivated to make Good videos. I felt like I had a sense of purpose when my channel was doing well. I felt like people wanted my videos. I felt excited to make them. Now I've lost it. I'm not sure when I lost it. I enjoyed— I enjoyed that people found me entertaining. I felt like I was good at providing entertaining content. So I felt like I was good at something. I feel like when I went to Germany the second time, I lost the will to do it. Bloody Mila! I knew it's all Mila's fault. I still had the passion to entertain people when she was here. And then she dumped me the first time, and it just killed me. Ah, I hate her. She ruined everything. Because I felt so hurt when she dumped me the first time that I was willing to kill the channel to get her back. It's like when you touch fire, your brain remembers it's hot and it burns and you never want to touch it again. Oh wow, thank you. Soju Prod gifted 5 subs. That's a lot. Very generous. Who got the subs? I can't see. So you're gonna do it 5 times.

That sound. Um.

Oh, thank you for—

You choose her over the channel?

Yeah, I chose Mira over the channel because I liked her so much, and she was so against the toxicity and the trolls and the negativity, and that made me start to dislike it. So I felt like she— I felt like my channel was driving her away. So I felt like I had to stop doing what I was doing that made it so entertaining in the first place. And now I guess I'm scared it will happen again. I'm scared that— what if I meet another girl and then the same thing happens? Because I've got all these hate watchers and people who hate me, and I can only make money if I make people hate me.

But you might end up losing both.

Yeah, that's why I'm sad, because I ended up losing everything. I lost her as well, and then I lost the ability to be entertaining, and I lost loads of viewers. I don't know how to get them back. I don't know how to get my mojo back. And now girls don't want to meet because they're probably scared. I still had my cheeky attitude after I came back from Korea. The cheeky trolly attitude. I lost my cheekiness and I became scared. How do I become— how do I go back to pre-Mila? How do I get my cheekiness back? My trolliness? Do I think my viewers are secretly contacting them? Who, the girls? Yeah, I definitely know Cesium was chatting to the Algerian girl. I asked her to block him because he just causes trouble. I don't know if she did. But she stopped messaging me. I don't know why. But I don't think she would have been good either. She also wanted me to stop doing OnlyFans. She said, when we meet, would you be willing to stop OnlyFans? And then she wanted me to also stop doing the toxic stuff. Just another meaner. It's gonna be a basic requirement for any semi-normal woman. I know, that's also another reason why I'm depressed. I need OnlyFans. The money's still good. Bloody gay guys keep giving me money. Even— I made like $250 a couple days ago just from one, one video that I sold. The gay guys are so rich and generous, and then you're saying I have to give that up? OnlyFans makes up like half my income now, and I'm not even trying. I'm just putting like one picture up a month. I don't have the luxury of being able to stop OnlyFans. I'm basically Forced into prostitution because the money's good. Like one of those dirty girls in Tobitsushinchi, forced to work there to pay off their bills, getting smashed day after day. What did you think of my Korea streams? At least I had things to talk about. I went on dates and I, I could come back and then tell you what happened on the date, and then I could get Korean food, do cooking. I guess it was a little bit more interesting than staring at my bedroom ceiling. Weren't you complaining a bunch in those Korean streams? Yeah, because I was still lonely. I was complaining a lot because Casey started uploading all those videos and doing streams with Chihiro, which upset me. And then all my dates were not going well. And then I got catfished by that Japanese girl. I can't believe I fell for it. I knew it seemed fishy, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to believe it was real. She tricked me so good, I actually felt genuine sadness. I wonder who it was. It was definitely a Japanese person. The Japanese was native Japanese, and it was definitely a real person because I asked her to make like hand signs, and then she made them, and it was consistent. I wonder who it was. Maybe it was like Chihiro's friend trolling me. She said she was gonna come to Seoul to stay with me. Yeah, right. As if. Why don't I meet Paul De Nino? I did. I wouldn't know what to talk about. It's weird. I think in some ways I have stuff in common with him, but then we're also complete opposites. I feel like you would just nonstop talk about sex or weird stuff like politics or gun shooting, Trump stuff. But I think he also trolls a lot like I do, and then a lot of people don't get that he's trolling, you know. Do you remember when he got called out for his Ponzi scheme, and then even FPS Russia was laughing at him on his podcast. You know FPS Russia does a podcast with a bunch of random American guys? They were like reacting to Ice Poseidon. They were saying he was— it was a clip of Ice Poseidon explaining that his website is not a Ponzi scheme whilst also Perfectly describing a Ponzi scheme. But I think Ice was just trolling and joking. So Ice would be like, no guys, it's not a Ponzi scheme, it's just a website where new people join and give the old people money, and then newer people join and that's how the new people get money. I think that was the joke. He was trolling. Obviously Ice knows what a Ponzi scheme is, and he wouldn't just be describing something that was a Ponzi scheme without knowing it was a Ponzi scheme. And I was thinking, is FPS Russia that dumb that he doesn't realize Ice is trolling? But normal people don't get our way of trolling. That is the joke, that we're pretending we don't know that what we're saying is contradictory or hypocritical. It's just, it was really cringy, these 4 American guys laughing at Ice, thinking that Ice was the dumb one when they didn't even get the joke. Ice does that all the time. I do it too. People didn't get it. For example, you say, no, I didn't cheat on my wife. I just slept with another woman without her knowing. And then people say, Daniel, you're so stupid. That's what cheating is. And I'd be like, oh my God, didn't you realize I'm trolling? People in the comments will say, oh, this guy's so dumb, he says he's not cheating but he literally just described cheating. Yeah, that's called trolling. I need to pee. When I showed Ice my channel, he instantly got it. That it was all just trolling. So I think he gets it, but so many people don't get it. Like, they actually thought I got therapy and worked in a sandwich factory in Berlin. I still feel amazed. And they say, of course we didn't get it was a joke because you were so serious, Daniel. Who didn't make funny face? I'm gonna pee. Why isn't Daniel at home with his mother? I am. I'm at home now. Wow, I've got 48 subs! So nice of that guy to gift 5 subs. Looks like an Airbnb. Yeah, I miss being in Airbnbs and hotels so much I made my own in my room. I was gonna eat the Twix, but then I have to brush my teeth again. Oh, thank you, kitten. I can nearly get to 50 subs. That's pretty cool. I never had 50 subs before on Twitch. Even my Twitch streams make more money now than my videos. So my last video only made $16. That's nothing. Yeah, look how much money my recent videos make. So the, the Twin Flames video made $16, and then the Simon and Martina video made $44. Why I Hated School made $30. Why I Regret Getting Divorced made $92. Quite good, actually. Huh, 92. How I Lost Everything in Life, even though it got a lot of views, I only made about $50. Yeah, $49. It's rubbish. The one where I talked about Korean girls. The second channel doesn't make a lot. Probably made about $6. Why I Don't Like Korean Girls made $6.59. I Have No Motivation in Life made $10. Planning my return to Japan made $13. What's the point? That's why— that's another reason I don't feel motivated, is because it makes such little money as well. Why stress over making a video when it's just gonna make $20? What's the favorite video I've made? Um, quite like my illustrated ones. Drawing my ex-girlfriends, drawing people I hated, and the drawing my life video I thought were quite good. Back in the day, I used to make at least 100 Every video. And then usually if the video did well, I'd make $200+. If it was like a drama video with 60K views, I'd make $200 maybe. My favorite video is About Welcome to NHK. I deleted it because at the end I showed a dead fly, and I was scared at the time because I got the cockroach thing. So I took down any videos that had dead insects in it. I actually feel like making a remake of the NHK video because now I don't like the ending. I don't like the message it sends. There were 2 NEETs, hikikomoris, in the show. There was Sato, and then there was the pyramid scheme sis— pyramid scheme woman's brother who was hiding in his room playing that game. And the ending of both those characters resulted in them getting a job. And that's the message of the show. The only way is to get a job, not follow your dreams or follow your passions or live how you want. It's by getting some crappy manual labor minimum wage job. I found that really sad. So Sato gives up on his ideas of becoming successful at anything. Like, what did he try? He tried making a video game, and then he tried a bunch of other stuff, and then failed everything. And then he ends up giving up everything and then working a construction site job. That's so sad. It's like the message is saying, don't even try, give up on everything and just get some crap job and be miserable. Maybe, yeah, maybe it's realistic. But wow, it's just depressing. What happened to follow your dreams, become your own boss? And then the other guy ends up delivering food on a bicycle, and then he seems happy. Kimberly is live too. How many viewers does she get? She streams on Twitch as well. Isn't her name Kimchella or something? What does she do on Twitch? 400 viewers. Hmm, quite good. I guess— didn't the guy that helping him develop the game— he ended up moving back home to his parents' house to take over the farm, and he got married to a local girl. And then didn't he become— he took over the farm and just became a farmer. Oh, that show is so depressing. Sato loses his friend, he loses all his schemes. Doesn't he lose Misaki as well? They don't get together. Yeah, the book is supposed to be way more depressing and dark where they do drugs and stuff. They had to tone it down for the anime. That's why I don't like Japanese culture. I want to hear success stories like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, PewDiePie. I don't want to hear about some guy who, who failed at everything and then Sounds like me, doesn't it? Oh my God. What if my end story is I end up working on a construction site and everything I've tried to become good at failed? That's so sad. That's what I'm scared of becoming. That's why I was so into stocks. I thought I was good at picking stocks. I was making so much off stocks. I felt amazing. Now I lost my stocks, I lost my girlfriend, lost my viewers. Do I think I could ever get a job again? Yeah, I don't see why not. Have to make a CV. What else? What about crypto? Last time I checked, Bitcoin was crashing. It was down to $54K. Ah, Bitcoin's climbing back up. Hopefully Monday all my Bitcoin stocks haven't crashed. I'm so sick of crashing. You made money off YouTube. A lot of people would be happy to have the following you have. Yeah, I— it's not that I'm not happy, I'm, I'm scared of losing it. I'm scared it's not going to last forever. I thought it would. People were telling me it's not gonna last forever back in 2018, and I was like, pfft, what do they know? I'm famous forever. But stocks weren't really doing it for me. It was giving me an adrenaline rush from seeing stocks go up, but it wasn't curing my loneliness. Stocks are not going to care about you or be interested in you. It's just like cold and robotic, pure numbers. I wonder if I'll feel better when the stocks go back up. It's just been 2 months like this. I'm now down $10,000 because I put all my money into the Bitcoin mining stocks and they're not going up. It went up a little bit when Bitcoin hit $64K and then it all just crashed straight away. I think it's because people sell As soon as Bitcoin hits all-time highs, everyone's like, sell, sell, sell. I need to sell as well. Everyone just sells as soon as Bitcoin goes up. It's so volatile. I'm gonna sell a third as soon as it goes back up. I'm selling a third and keeping it in cash for the next time it pulls back. You know what would be a better investment at this point? Just getting a dildo for OnlyFans. It's better than investing in the stock market. Invest on OnlyFans. I want to see Daniel go to Japan, get himself a cute Japanese girl. That would be nice. And then she finds my channel and then dumps me. And then I'll be miserable again. It's funny, Chihiro. Didn't really mind. Because I still had all of the old videos, like the chlamydia stuff and the weird stories. I don't think she went all the way back and watched them. Yeah, she said she didn't really care about the videos before I met her. Can you see that I'm touching myself? I'm just scratching. Make coffee. This coffee tastes horrible. Big failure. Do not buy this Nescafé cappuccino. It tastes salty. It's like there's salt in it. Who, who has salty coffee? Imagine you put salt in your coffee. How's the antifungal cream? I still haven't tried it yet because I want to jerk off. If I put the cream on, I can't jerk off. Or, well, I could, but then it'll get mixed in with semen. So I need to jerk off first and then put it on. I can't go to bed without jerking off. It's like a ritual. I have to squeeze one out before I go to bed and before I wake up. It's weird about waking up. If I wake up without jerking off, I get worried that I might get hard later. I don't really want to jerk off after I've woken up. Well, I started doing it actually. I actually jerk off after lunch as well because after I've played football and I've had food, the next urge is to jerk off again. So I've fulfilled my exercise urges and I fulfilled my hunger. My next basic urge is jerking off. Oh my God, it's McLovin.

Why do you lie to a lot of Asian women that you are a translator? Is it because most of them will think of you as a 32-year-old failure or parasite to society?

Yeah, why else? I'm not going to tell them I do OnlyFans and I'm a YouTuber because then they'll say, oh, what's your channel? My channel is Abroad in Japan. I manage it. Chris is just someone I hire to be in the video, but I'm the owner of the channel. I could say that. I could say I'm, I'm the owner, I manage it. I pay Chris a wage. We used to go to school together. Is it true I jerked off 12 times in a day once? No, the most is probably about 5, but I shagged that sex doll maybe 8 times a day. I still have my sex doll. It's in there. You see that box behind the tripod? I don't use it now. It's too much work. I wonder if anyone noticed I deleted my videos. Look, no one even notices that I deleted it. Before, if I deleted it, people would be like, where's the video gone, Daniel? I was about to watch it. Ah, what do I do? I don't want to upload something if it's not gonna get views, but if I don't upload anything, then I'm not gonna make any money. Is it washed? No, I tried washing it, but the hairs get stuck in the rubber. You have to pick the hairs off. It doesn't wash off.

You have to stop stealing clips and content from Tim and other YouTubers. You got yourself into this mess and will probably get yourself into another mess.

Yeah, I need to be careful.

Nobita could have ended you a couple of years ago with that strike.

I think live streaming is the only— it's my best option now, unless something amazing happens. I feel like there's no point trying to make videos. So it's just not going to go viral, are they? There's no point making like a video called How I Overcame My Fears: The Time My Best Friend Broke My Football. People don't care anymore. So my plan is, if I have an idea, I'm just gonna stream it. And then if I don't have an idea, I'll just stream on Twitch, and then hopefully some random topic comes up that I can clip into a video and put on a second channel. So I'm gonna do my birthday stream on YouTube. That should get views. I got myself some party hats. I could try them on, test them out. Gotta get prepared for the big day, Thursday. Oh no, don't look at my address. Bring back Cooking with Daniel.

I can't.

Oh, thank you, McLovin. Why isn't text-to-speech working? How does it feel knowing Chris Broad has his own Wikipedia page? I don't know, just feels sad. Yeah, well, he doesn't have party hats. You're in— is it Korean? Look, party pilsupung. What does that mean? Oh, pilsupung. I think that's what it says. Why is it in Korean? Yeah, Chris is gonna have a massive, loyal, dedicated fan base for the rest of his bloody life. Even if he goes back to England, starts making videos about Japan, he's still gonna have hundreds of thousands of fans. If Chris was doing this, he'd probably have some cringy corny joke to make. Be like, party hats on my birthday? I don't know, he always has some kind of sarcastic sounding one-liner to make. I wonder how long it takes for him to come up with them. I never thought I'd be in Japan all by myself eating KFC. He always has some one-liner. How do you make this hat? Look, there's a fluffy bit as well. Chris makes interesting videos. His last video is just eating chicken. I can't open it. It feels weird. Have you got to make the hat yourself? I have to do everything. Does Daniel know Chris? Yeah, I went to the same school as he did. He was in the class below me, and then he messaged me. Telling me to stop telling people where he lived. And then he said he would, he would message me when he comes to Osaka and we can go for a drink. And then he never messaged me and I got angry. Yeah, well, I made $500 using his name. I got 160K views from that Stupid video I made. Remember I was in the love hotel and I was jerking off to the porn and then he started messaging me? I put the stream on mute and I went into the bathroom to jerk off. Yeah, I used, I used the rubber egg. Felt pretty good actually. It was like a rubber sock you put over your cock. That rhymed. Wow, my socks smell so bad. I miss Filthy Frank. Being on YouTube. I don't know how he did that. He just left. I guess he, he's not like me. He doesn't depend on YouTube viewers for happiness. It's just amazing he could just walk away from it like that. He had such a loving, dedicated fan base, and he's like, yep, I've had enough.

See ya!

Why doesn't he just do vlogs? Say, hey guys, I made a new video today about music. These hats look rubbish. They're so small as well. I keep comparing myself to Chris because I see a lot of similarities. Went to the same school, both had a dream of living in Japan, both lived in Japan for, for many years. Well, I just lived there for a few years. I always felt like Japan was my thing, you know? It's what made me unique. And then I feel like Chris just stole my thunder. And then being a YouTuber was also my thing, and then he stole that as well. Blew me out the water with his 2 million subs and his amazing quality content. I just feel like such a loser compared to him. Failed at everything. Couldn't even live in Japan long term. He was making videos before you. Yeah, I guess that's true. But we— we were in Japan around the same time. I just didn't start making videos until way later. Is that how you make it? That's too small. It's not gonna fit. I first went to Japan 2010. That's when I should have started, but I was too scared. I didn't even think about doing YouTube until 2015 when I was in Korea and I was bored. And I was watching PewDiePie and I thought, why don't I try doing this? And I played some mobile game and I recorded the screen and I uploaded it. This looks quite good. I can make a thumbnail like this. Happy birthday to me. Did I see Chris in person? No, but it's funny to think that I probably saw him every day for about 5 years and I didn't even know him. Probably passed him every day on the playground. He said he knew me because he was friends with a lot of my friends. I was friends with Max and Ben and, and Victoria, and they all knew— they all knew Chris. They all lived next to him and they went over his house all the time. I had no idea who he was. I guess they all lived in the same area. And I lived in a different area. Apparently Max went over his house all the time and he saw his dad's Robot Wars robot. Did you know Chris's dad was on Robot Wars? Look up Robot Wars. I forgot his name. Something broad. You can see his dad. His dad looks just like him.

Yes.

So you're saying you wouldn't care if he never went to the same school as you?

Yes.

I thought he was from London or something. When I found out he also went to my school, I was crushed because now I can't even say I'm the biggest YouTuber from my school. Maybe there's other YouTubers that came out my school. Maybe I can still say I'm the biggest YouTuber out of Swaelands. You can't see it. It's almost impossible to succeed if you start in 2020. I don't know, I've seen a lot of channels blow up that started last year. A lot of those Japanese reaction channels. That Shun-chan guy, George in Japan, Asagi's Life, that Kelly Stamps girl, Sora the Troll. They all blew up and they only started like a year ago. Yeah, I think this hat's good for my birthday stream. Now I've got too many for my imaginary friends. Which one should I use? I quite like this one. I bet Chris wouldn't be as, as successful if he was Asian. He stands out more because he's white, and he's like, white guy in Asia, oh, so unique. Who goes, oh, Asian guy in Asia? So unique. People like that Xiaoman Yu guy who goes viral every second, people only care because it's like a white guy speaking Chinese and it's weird and interesting. If it was like an Asian guy speaking Chinese, no one would care. I bet if I was white, people would be more interested. Because the majority of people on YouTube are white guys, and then white guys would relate to another white guy more. They see Chris and they think, oh, that's an English guy, Chris, white, from England. People look at me, they don't think, oh, English guy Daniel. They think, oh, that's Asian Onision. I should see if there's like a party gift bag, has sweets and stuff in it. Da da da. Where do I put the fluffy ball? Oh, I guess Anime Man's not white and he did well. But I can't copy them because I'm not interested in anime. There's no way I could make a whole channel about anime. I just don't care. I can't do what Chris does because— because I don't know why can't I. So I'm not interested in making documentaries about Japan topics, and I don't have the social skills. There's no way I could do what Paulo does. How does Paulo get permission to film inside of businesses and fire stations? I bet he has like a PR firm that phone up the places for him and arrange it all. There's also Gigguk. Yeah, they're all like the anime crowd. That Sea Dog guy. I just— I can't be bothered about anime. It's not interesting. Just be a streamer. Yeah, but I want to grow something, and the only way to grow is by making videos and then growing viewers. I don't know, you can still get, get like a viral from a stream. Ice did. He did the WallStreetBets stock streams and he got a lot of views. It's just I don't really see myself as a streamer because I got big by I'm making videos. I, I still see myself as a video maker and then a streamer second. I met Ice in Japan. I stream sniped him when he was with Gary.

Gary.

I find it weird that Ice and Gary drove all the way to New York and then just spent 2 days there and then drove all the way back. Why? At least stay a week. They didn't even stream New York stuff. They streamed like half an hour and they got stream sniped and they turned it off. And then they went back to Austin and went straight back to gambling. Maybe I should do that. No, I don't do gambling. I'm not interested in playing slots and roulette. He seems really addicted to the gambling. It's probably the only thing that gets him pumped now. Why is your room white? I don't know. I was in Japan. My dad asked me what color he should paint my room since I'm not here. I said white. Should have said green, then I could do a green screen in my room. I've got colors. My bed's blue. I feel like Ice is probably jealous of MrBeast. I could sense it when he talked about him. The stuff MrBeast does, Ice also did that way before MrBeast was a thing. Like the person who takes the hand off last off the car wins the car. Ice was already, already doing that stuff way before MrBeast, but MrBeast gets like 20 million views. It's crazy how successful MrBeast got. He gets like 30, 40 million views every video. Yeah, MrBeast has the whole family-friendly, likable, non-toxic— basically everything YouTube wants. YouTube— MrBeast is like YouTube's wet dream. No controversy, no toxicity. People love him. Remember that other guy, Morgz? What happened to him? I found it quite funny how he would use his mum in videos. And the mum would be like, Morgz, what did you do? And the acting sounds so bad. And he was always yelling. Today I was hiding in my sister's bedroom all day. What happened to MaxMofo? He and AnythingForViews do that podcast, don't they? Cold Ones. Which is doing pretty well. They get like hundreds of thousands of views every video. They've got a good fan base and they're entertaining and they're energetic. I miss the Baited podcast. What happened to Colossal? He just vanished again. Colossal is Crazy was great. Colossal and Keemstar arguing was the best. I used to love the Baited Podcast. Wait, wasn't Andy in one of them? I forgot now. I've become a bit of an Andy fan recently, so maybe I should rewatch it.

Baited Podcast.

And oh yeah, he was, he was in quite a few. Podcast, uh, I'm your host Killer Keemstar.

And he's worn like, like they're his considered to be authentic fucking gear, like his fucking turbans and shit. Another chance.

For me, I think he's doing it because of backlash and he doesn't— Hmm, I forgot Andy was in it. Do people like or dislike Keemstar? I think people hating Keemstar is like a meme now. He's like the cockroach of YouTube. You just can't cancel Keem. People tried so many times, but he sticks around. Keemstar is weird because I was all energetic and passionate for YouTube when I felt like people liked me, and then as soon as I felt like people were hating on me, I changed. My tone changed so much and I stopped loving it. But Keemstar It's like it doesn't matter how much he's hated, he still seems like he loves doing it. He just doesn't care. That's why he's so good at it. He doesn't get all depressed and moaning like I do. Even if everyone thinks he's scum and wishes he gets banned, he's still on Twitter and making videos. Same, the same energy that he always has. It's pretty amazing. I think I'm just too sensitive. I thought I was thick-skinned, and people say stuff like, Daniel, I don't know how you manage with all these hate comments. Well, I didn't manage it well. I became hateful, and I started swearing and Calling viewers stupid and stuff. And I probably drove away a lot of people who were fans because my attitude just became horrible. And that was a reaction from hate— hate comments. I can't just— I don't know why I can't be like Keem. I let it affect me too much. It beats you into the ground, but for some reason Keem is immune to it. You have to admire it, I guess, even though he's done love. Scummy things. It's pretty impressive how he sticks around, carries on going. But it's funny, The weird arguments he gets into. It's so childish and immature, but it's funny. Remember he got in that argument with TotalBiscuit? TotalBiscuit blocked Keem, and Keem was like a fan of TotalBiscuit. And then Keem got all angry and made a video saying that he was gonna report TotalBiscuit's death when he dies. And then he apologized for it after TotalBiscuit actually died. Well, then TotalBiscuit also got angry at someone and told them to get cancer and die, and then he actually got cancer and died himself. No one's innocent. TotalBiscuit also had a reputation of being a bit of a dick. I kind of miss that crowd. That whole geeky gamer crowd kind of faded away after TotalBiscuit died. It was Dodger, Krendor, Jesse Cox. That Nerd Cubed guy, what happened to him? That whole crowd just kind of fizzled away after TotalBiscuit. Jenna Bain, she still streams on Twitch, but she abandoned the channel on YouTube. I like the whole Keemstar and Leafy rivalry. That was funny. And when Leafy and Grade A teamed up on him. YouTube used to be fun. It's just boring now. I guess it's still the same in some ways. All these pedo allegations keep coming out. Now James Charles is also a pedo. Who else is a pedo now? Everyone ends up becoming a pedo. Wasn't even Pyrocynical accused of it, of being a pedo? Wasn't I accused? No. Oh yeah, yeah, I was, because I said Japanese high school girls make me hard. People were trying to call me a pedo. Daniel Lord exposed. What does Pyro do now? He doesn't seem very active anymore. He makes those boring 2-hour-long Fallout, Far Cry video reviews. That's the problem when you have a Discord and then you start chatting to your viewers. Some of them start flirting with you. Ice Poseidon also had a similar thing. There was some girl called Strawberry Moon or something, and he was saying stuff like, would you have a threesome with me and Kimberly? And then she was only a teenager. People didn't really seem to care about it. His fan base was already kind of dead. You said you love Japanese high school girls with short skirts. Yeah, but who doesn't? It was that time me and Chihiro went to Kyoto or something, and then this big group of high school students walked past us, and there was like a gang of girls And they had really short skirts and thick thighs. They were hot. And then I said, ah, Japanese schoolgirls soften your heart, melts your dick, or something. No, melts your heart and hardens your dick. And then people kept calling me a pedo about it.

Hmm.

I don't really feel like my scandals were very serious. I don't know why people make it out like I'm the most evil guy on YouTube just because I cheated a few times. I feel like people overreacted to my so-called scandals. Even PewDiePie used the N-word. He just said it. Fucking ni— it's so tempting to say it because you're not allowed to say it. It makes you want to say it. Fucking— I hate being told what I can't say. I can't believe he said it though, and he said it unironically, not even in like a joking way. He actually got angry at the game and just shouted it. I've never said it. I said the other N-word. Apparently that's racist too. The one that ends with a D and starts with an N. Rhymes with Polaroid. That's like the scientific word for black people. Black people is not a scientific term. There's a proper scientific term for everything. Usually sounds like a Latin word or a Greek word. I suppose it sounds a bit Insulting. You mongoloid. It's like saying you Neanderthal. You Native American. Guess I should sleep soon. Didn't you have a video called Black People Are Angry Again? Yeah, I reacted to that black woman. What's her name? Because she reacted to— No, I made the first one and then she reacted to it, and then I reacted to her one 2 years later because I was bored, and then she reacted to my reaction. I took it down. Because of the Black Lives Matter thing was happening, so I took down my black people videos. Oh yeah, Madame as well. Madame Mizelle or something. I'm getting all Triggered. I don't even remember what I said. I said something like, she can't even take a compliment, when I was saying nice things. And then she rejected my apology. Would I ever date a black girl? Depends what she looks like. If she looked like Mila, then yeah, probably would. But I never— I've never really seen many black women. What? Which girl do I like most now? There's some quite attractive Twitch streamers. There's this French one who does taekwondo. She's pretty hot. Her name's Jade something. There's quite a lot of cute Asian girls on Twitch. Why Black girls are not up to my standards. That's the kind of stuff I used to make. That's why I used to get so many views. I used to make these really daring titles. I can't believe I did stuff like that. I wouldn't dare now. I'd get banned or something. 2018, I had crazy titles like Why I Never Date Black Girls. Weird stuff. I wouldn't dare make stuff like that now. It's probably why my channel died. I got scared. People get upset if I, if I make a video bashing fat girls, then If there's people I'm messaging to who are fat, then they get upset with me. I quite like talking to some people, and then if they're fat, it means I can't make fun of fat people anymore. Yeah, I guess I feel a bit better. I felt really, really depressed earlier. Got my party hat ready. Hopefully people are happy again to see me stream on YouTube. I think the streams were the only things people liked now since there's no drama. Just need to be careful not to get a strike again. I'm not sure if I'll upload— re-upload those 2 videos. Have I been waking up very late? Yeah, I'm waking up at 1 PM now. I think it's good. It's fine. It means I have 1 hour and a half before the stock market opens. I can brush my teeth, make my coffee, have lunch, and play football before 2:30. I'll do the birthday stream on YouTube. I need some— something interesting for my first stream back. My birthday stream last year got 30,000 views, but Mida was in it, so maybe that's why. Where is it? Birthday stream, 33,000. It was so fun. Everyone was so confused. Why is this girl in Daniel's room? Look, classic Mila. It was so awkward. We just sat there staring at the screen.

But it doesn't move the same.

Why is it like that? It's not— it's, um, it's delayed.

That's annoying.

Yeah. Testing.

No, let me see.

Life seemed so much more fun. My birthday! Look how happy I look.

Happy birthday, Daniel!

Where's my knife? Life seemed so much better. It will echo.

Yeah.

You can see the chat, can you?

You, Daniel, in Dutch.

Who?

There.

We houden van je, Daniel.

We houden van je, Daniel.

Oh, the J isn't pronounced. I wonder if this Boris Johnson guy is still around. What the fuck? It's Boris Johnson McLovin. Maybe it's all the same person. Maybe I should try to Boris Johnson was in every stream. She's sitting on it. Does she want it back? No. Look at this amazing content. Why do you like Daniel?

Why do I like Daniel?

What do you like about him?

He's honest.

The most honest YouTuber.

And he's weird. And I don't know, he's funny.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, and then she dumped me because I'm weird. She has a childish head. What if you untie it? See what it looks like.

But now it's not good and my braids are going down. I should have left it down. Maybe we'll livestream again, then I'll put my hair down. Chat wants to know. Yes, this is a wig.

They're probably asking about other hairs.

Can I say? Yes.

She used to like me a lot. I like it. She liked me because I was honest, and then she got upset because I was too honest. Maybe I should do a vote, a community poll, ask if you like her. That was before I experienced heartbreak. That was still, still kind of classic Daniel, I would say.

What?

No. Daniel wasn't broken yet. Our relationship's as stable as that shed. You're dating your fans like Onision. Well, I have to date someone. I'm not getting any matches on Tinder.

You can date your love doll.

She doesn't talk to me. I wonder if T-pop fever's still around. The OG donators.

Because your face is more in the forefront.

Are you gonna puke?

I burped. Honey, can I marry Sabrina?

I wonder how many viewers I had on that stream. I think I had about 600. You see, people are so easily entertained by that stuff. My audience is weird because on one hand they're really easy to entertain, all you need is a girl, but then on the other hand they're really hard to entertain because they're not interested in anything else. So I could just get a girl and stream and sit there and barely say anything, and they think that's entertaining. And it's like, wow, there's content, Daniel. Here, 30K views. But really, the stream's pretty boring. It's just me sitting there and then she's giggling. Nothing really is happening. But for some reason, that's what people like. I miss those days. People were interested, they would watch. It was going so well until somehow one of Mina's friends leaked her Instagram. That's when everything went downhill. And then they started being mean to Maida. But in the beginning, Maida was completely happy with being on camera and stuff. It was great. I felt so happy. Finally met someone I liked. She was happy to be in videos. She was staying here. Didn't have to go anywhere because everything was locked down, so I had an excuse. People were interested. I was getting good views again. Mira started blaming me because I had a weird audience, a toxic audience, and then she would say that it was my fault because I'm, I'm the one who attracted them with my content. And I tried to say stuff like, all YouTubers have hate watchers, and even PewDiePie has people who call him a Nazi and try and bring him down. And then she just said, yeah, but you have more of them. Like she was saying it was my fault because I make people hate me. It was so stressful. People were nice in the comments. It was just a stupid subreddit, and it's my fault because I opened it in front of her. She didn't even know about it until I showed it to her. I thought— because I think I I used to think the subreddit was funny. I don't really take it that seriously. Some of the posts can be quite funny. I didn't think she would get so upset about it. I was like, hey, look, look what they're saying about us, isn't it funny? But then she starts crying over it.

God.

I wonder if she would have found the subreddit if I never showed it to her. I even showed the subreddit to the Turkish girl, so I didn't really think it was a big deal. Maybe if I never showed it, then we wouldn't have had problems. I think she would eventually found it. Uh, I need to get back on track. Where's my notepad? You know, I've had this pen since before I got married. You may remember. I was using it before I got married. The subreddit— the subreddit is all one person pretending to be a bunch of different people. How often do I check the subreddit? I don't check it, but people send me screenshots of it, which is a bit annoying. I used to check it now and then because it was a little bit helpful to come up with ideas. But now it just makes me upset because it reminds me of how it caused me problems with Mila. You could take the subreddit down. I tried. I've reported it before. I asked people to help me report it. Nothing happens. I should message Ice, ask him how he did it. But Ice has more fans. Reddit doesn't care because it's so small, and the Ice Poseidon 2 subreddit was pretty big. It's annoying. They have all these rules and they don't enforce them just because the subreddit is small and they don't notice it. They get away with it.

Any ideas?

I'm gonna get some water. Oh my God, nearly spilt it. Ah, what is the plan? Learn to drive. No thanks. Too difficult, too much money, no reward. I'm not gonna drive anywhere. Stream on YouTube. That's plan 1. And Twitch. Try not to abandon Twitch again. My dad's race car. My mum sold it. The Lotus Esprit. No more videos. Unless is good topic. Need. New adventure.

But what? Idea. London. Berlin. Barcelona.

I think summer holidays will be possible. Maybe around July. Seems like traveling usually works. London I can do from May. That's when hotels reopen. May 17th. You can do a month, maybe. Life in London. And then maybe Europe reopen in summer? Ah, I can't be bothered. It takes so much mental energy, takes so much mental effort to book a hotel, book a taxi, actually leave the house where I feel so comfortable and relaxed. It's a bit scary going to a country on your own. You feel so out of place and lost. You know, when I went back to Japan in 2019, I wasn't actually planning on getting back with Chihiro. I booked the Airbnb for a month because I was planning on being there for a month, but I got back to Japan after my dad died. I felt so lonely, I ended up messaging Chihiro straight away the very first day. Honestly, I wasn't planning to. I was actually planning to like play around on Tinder, but as soon as I landed and I got to my Airbnb, I felt so miserable and sad. Didn't even last one day before messaging her again. Have I got any Dogecoins? No, I've got $5 of Bitcoin. But people weren't really that interested in my Burden trip last year. It got 30K views and then 20 and then mainly around 20K. But it was just me in Airbnbs and walking around outside. But what else do you want me to do? What do people think I'm going to do? I don't really know what I would do if I went to these countries. I'd just go to the hotel and then sit in the hotel whining. Probably. Need to find a girl, another Mina. Another 2 here. So anyway, let's get some interest. I wonder how many viewers I'll get on YouTube. Maybe I'll have 400. May— probably 250. Why not go to an Asian country? That's why I'm keeping an eye on Andy, because he also wants to go to Asia to stream. So if he manages to go, then— but he's trying to get an entertainment visa. Entertainer visa. But he seems like he's confident that South Korea would be easy to go to after the 2-week quarantine hotel. Yeah, maybe I should get vaccinated here first. I don't have to get vaccinated in a foreign country.

Sounds scary.

Andy Milonakis. Nokis. Nokis. He says he wants to go to Taiwan or Japan, and if he can't get a visa for those countries, he will go to South Korea and do the 2-week quarantine. Why not go to Thailand? Is Thailand open? Can you become like Harold Boulder? I wish, I wish I could just walk around talking to my camera. It's funny what Harold does is like live streaming, but he's not live streaming. It's basically what Andy does and Ice did. IRL, but it's offline IRL. Which means no sniping or harassment. I just don't really feel that confident that I can get people interested just by traveling. There needs to be some kind of girl to hype up, like a Spanish girl. We've been chatting, we've got so much in common. I think she's the one. I'm going to meet her. I always hyped up the girls so much, didn't I? German girl. She really likes me and we've got so much in common. We're gonna be girlfriend and boyfriend. Why not find another Japanese girl? Because I can't go to Japan. Japan is shut. Maybe I'll do a poll. Should I go to Spain or Germany? Maybe Spain. I've never been to Spain before. But Germany has a girl who seems like she wants to meet. Maybe there's also a second girl. She asked to meet last year, but I ignored her. Spain just has one girl, but I'm not really confident about her, and she's also young, so I don't know. She's a student, university student. Doesn't sound promising. I don't really think she watches my channel much, so I'm not really worried. We don't even talk much. Last time she messaged me was like 4 weeks ago. There was this other Spanish girl who said she wanted to do OnlyFans with me. I forgot her name and I can't find her anymore on my messages. She gave me a free sub to her OnlyFans. She's got all these videos of her having sex. So how— who are these other guys she's having sex with if she says she also wants to have sex with me? I don't want to be like part of a sex gang. I might get an STD or something if she's banging a load of guys on OnlyFans. Kind of put me off. Is my OnlyFans mainly gay stuff? Yes, it is. Really, travel and girls are the only 2 things that save my channel slightly. Without travel, without girls, what is there? It's me in my bedroom moaning about views. The travel really helps, to be honest, because it gives this illusion that I'm doing stuff. It's so boring just seeing me sitting in my bedroom at home. Nothing happens. Twitch doesn't help. Yeah, it does. I've got 48 subs. It helps a lot. I can't believe I've got 48 subs. Look at that, 48 subscribers. Wow, that's like $120. Have I given up investing? No, I've still got my stocks. I just I've just lost interest because they're not moving. So it went like this. Most stocks were like this, straight up. Amazing. I probably started investing around here. So I was— I managed to get on board whilst it was going up, and then this happened. Oh, it's going down, it's going down, but it'll go back up. It's still going down. And then boom, down. And then Started coming back up and everyone was like, oh, it's going back to normal. And then I started buying back in around here because I, I thought, oh, it's going back up now. And then guess what happened? Down again. And now we're like here where it's just, it's just like this now. Flat line. So I bought these dips and then I panic sold here. Panic sold right at the bottom and I bought back in as it was going back up. And now I'm bag holding here. I don't even care when the market opens anymore. I don't even want to look. It's just depressing. Do you need to? One day it will go back up. I'm not sure how much money I would need. I don't think Spain is very expensive. How much money did I make on stocks? I made Minus 7,000 so far. Pretty good. I think it will go back up. I'm pretty sure Bitcoin's gonna go to $100K.

Eventually.

It'll definitely go to 70K. Just have to be patient. Could take months until things start going up again. Takes skill to make -7K in a bull market. It's not a bull market. How is it a bull market when the last 2 months it's just been going down? Where the hell is the bull market? I was up 12K when it was in the bull market. There's been no bull market since February. That's the problem. These crashes and corrections, they don't just happen in a few days. It's been 2 months, this going on. It's just like a flat line now. Why can't it hurry up, get back to normal again? To be honest, I don't even know if I want to travel. It just seems like a lot of hard work. I see the traveling as an investment. I, I put money in upfront to hopefully make content, get views, and also get sex. So we have 2 objectives. We want sex and we want views. How do we get them? Travel. We travel To the girl, plus travel vlogs. I need to hype it up like I hyped up Tomoko for months, saying she's my new girlfriend and stuff. It's basically the 2 things I really want in life. Well, money, but views equals money. Sex and money. But it's not just sex, it's a relation— hopefully it would be a relationship. It's all one package. But if I can't get these 2, then just sex is fine, I guess. If I wasn't interested in sex, I'd probably save more money by not traveling because traveling is always going to be more expensive than the money I make. I don't get that much— I don't get that many views. My neck hurts. Do I still use my VR? Sometimes if I feel really horny and want porn. Ow, ow, fuck, my neck. That hurt. I just miss last year. Last year was so good. I was getting views, I was getting sex, I had Mila. I need that again. I need motivation. I can do 11.

Yes. That's progress.

Oh, this tripod sucks, keeps falling over.

2.

4.

6.

7. 8, 9, oh, I can't do it. 10. 9 and a half. That'll do. I'm gonna go to bed. Was that my face?

What happened?

Did you see my face close up? Oh my God, she messaged me and said She found my SD card. I can't believe it. Mirror style rant like the good old days. I'm so disappointed with my last 2 videos. Complete failures. Makeup video— why the hell did I upload a makeup video? So Dumb. I'm going to go to bed. Good night. Maybe stream tomorrow, not sure. Depends if I feel like it. I think I might charge my iPad. Oh my God, it's 4 o'clock.