I have a REALLY small £#!%

My face is really small. When I went to

Japan for the first time, Japanese people

kept saying to me, Daniel, your face is so

small. Daniel, you have a tiny face. And I

didn't even know how to react to that.

What are you supposed to say to someone

when they tell you that you've got a tiny

face? Because in England, no one gives a

shit about how big or how small your face

is. But in Asia, it's considered to be

really attractive to have a small face,

and it's very unattractive to have a large

face. At first, I didn't really realize

this. It was a completely new concept to

me that having a small face was

attractive. And at first, I didn't realize

it. Was a huge compliment to be told that

your face is really small. So it's

probably kind of difficult to tell how

small my face is because I'm all alone and

there's not really any point of reference.

So here's a CD. I'm going to put it in

front of my face now.

As you can see, the CD completely covers

my face. You can try this at home with

your own CD. Does a CD cover your entire

face? If so, then you can join me in the

tiny face club. Okay, so it's great having

a small face and being complimented all

the time on how tiny your face is, but

it's not so great when your girlfriend's

face is like 10 times bigger than your

own. Japanese girls didn't like taking

photos with me because my face was so much

smaller than theirs, and they don't like

it when the guy's face is smaller because

it makes them feel less feminine. It was

really difficult trying to take a photo

with my first girlfriend who was Japanese

because Her face was huge in comparison to

mine, and she would get really embarrassed

even standing next to me when we were

standing in front of a reflective surface

like a mirror or a big window. And when we

took photos together, she had to stand way

back behind me. We would never take a

photo standing side by side. And I kind of

used to tease her when we were standing in

front of a reflective surface. I used to

put my face really close to hers like this

and laugh, and then she would get really

angry and like she would say, stop, stop

coming so close to me. For me personally,

I didn't really care if my girlfriend's

face was bigger than mine because you

can't really tell how big your own face

is. Your eyes are inside of your head.

You can't even see your own face unless

you have a mirror or you're taking a photo

of yourself. But for some girls, it's kind

of a big deal. They even go as far as

getting plastic surgery. I don't know how

they do it. They like shave down their jaw

to make their face look slimmer. I do find

that in general, Asian people have larger

faces than Caucasian people. Caucasian

people tend to have narrow, longer faces.

And Asian people, they tend to have like a

rounder, flatter face, and that gives off

this illusion that their faces are so much

larger than Caucasian people. Okay, this

is kind of unrelated, but Asian people

also tend to have longer torsos than their

legs. For example, I could be taller than

a Japanese girl, but when we sit down next

to each other, she's actually higher up

than me because her torso is longer than

mine. I used to find it really strange. I

sat down next to her and I'd look at her

And she was higher up than me. And I was

like, what? How come— how come you're

higher up than me when I'm taller than

you? At first, I thought it's because I

slouch a bit when I sit down and she sat

up really straight. But even when I sat up

really straight as well, she was still

higher than me. I think that Caucasian

people tend to have longer legs and a

shorter torso, and Asian people have

shorter legs and a longer torso. Maybe

that's why you don't see many Olympic

runners who are Asian. And I think that

Black people have even longer legs than

Caucasian people in general. That's why

when you watch things like the Olympics or

running sports, the fastest people are

always black guys. Sometimes I think to

myself, isn't that a bit unfair? They have

a genetic advantage. They have longer

legs. That's like cheating. But it would

be really controversial if they separated

running sports into black people, white

people, and Asian people. Okay, so here's

a nice picture of me standing next to a

Japanese guy and his Thai girlfriend. And

look at the size difference between my

face and their faces. And it's not even

like I'm standing behind them. I'm

standing right next to them, and my face

looks absolutely tiny in comparison. I

kind of look like their 10-year-old son,

don't I? It's really bizarre to look at.

I never considered these 2 people to have

large faces. They looked normal. They

looked like average-sized faces. But after

taking a photo with them, it made me

think, wow, my face really is small. You

know, sometimes I do wish that I had a

larger face because What if some girls are

instantly put off by me because my face

makes their face look so much bigger? And

it's awkward taking photos together. I

don't want to make them feel bad. I don't

want to make them feel less feminine. I

found that it was extremely rare to find

another Asian person who has a face as

small as mine. I think it's safe to say

that the majority of Asian people have

much larger faces than me. See, this is

another problem, isn't it? Where can I

find a girlfriend who has the exact same

body proportions? As me. Why can't I just

clone myself as a girl and have that as my

girlfriend? Why? Come on, science, make it

happen. That'd be so messed up.