I Found My Twitch Again

I think I got disconnected.

Testing,

testing. Yeah,

it's working.

Do do do do.

Do do do do do do do.

Does my Streamlabs work? Yes, it does.

But I don't really feel like using it.

Let me show you my bedroom.

I didn't have a shower. I had

a bath yesterday, washed my hair.

Who remembers the good old time, the good

old days when I stood here?

Yesterday my wife said that

she cheated on me and now I'm going to

murder her. Remember those videos?

Maybe I should do those again. I don't

know what I would make one about.

Where's my phone?

Can't tell if it's streaming or not.

Can't tell if it's streaming or not.

Yeah, it is streaming.

Testing.

Yeah, I think it's fine.

1, 2.

1, 2. Yeah, should be fine.

I'm just a bit worried if I move around

too much, will I lose connection?

Maybe put my phone here so

I can see it moving.

I lost my lens, my wide-angle lens. Where

I guess I don't need a wide-angle lens.

It looks fine, doesn't it?

Look,

I made this vase in Germany with Mila.

Well, I didn't make it, I painted it.

So they have all these blank pottery, and

then Mida was like, oh please, let's go.

And then I had to phone them up and book a

session. We went there and I chose this

little vase and I painted it red and

I put a smiley face, put my money into

it. And she made a mushroom. She got a big

mushroom, she painted it, and she was

painting it for hours. I finished mine in

about 20 minutes. But Meida was doing it

like 4 hours painting a stupid mushroom,

and I was just sitting there so bored

waiting for her to finish painting her

mushroom. And then the shop was

closing and everyone was leaving, and she

was still like drawing little blades of

grass going, oh, I haven't finished.

Why don't you paint another one? You look

bored.

It's so frustrating because we

did so many things in Germany that would

have been amazing to vlog. We went to all

these different places, went to all these

nice restaurants, went to a nice place in

the mountains. I do have some video

footage that I, I guess I could upload it.

Do you think she'd be annoyed if I just

uploaded videos of her that I took when we

Do you think she would like take revenge

if, if I pissed her off a

lot? I did say some pretty bad things

about her after we broke up. I just went

like complete rage mode and I didn't care

anymore. I said some pretty bad things,

but what if I just started using her face

For content. I'm such a dick. I mean, I

was in love with her so badly, and now I

just feel nothing for her. I don't know

how, but it's like a flip switched where I

just don't care about her anymore at all.

She blocked my mum as well. My— she was in

contact with my mum because my mum

messages everyone. And then apparently she

changed her number, like, and so

she has a different number now. My mum

said she didn't tell her her new number,

which probably means she doesn't want to

talk to her anymore. So I've blocked her,

my mum doesn't talk to her, so we've got

no contact. Do you think she would like go

onto Reddit and then have revenge like the

Turkish girl did? Remember the Turkish

girls on Reddit? Roasting me. I don't

think Mida is the type of person to do

that. Maybe I should just not—I should not

pull at that string. Just let it die.

She hurt you so bad it burned any deep

feelings. Yeah, I just got fed up with her

when she was here last year. It felt

perfect. It was like my fantasy, my dream

come true. My dream was always to meet a

cute young girl that I really liked, that

was fun to be around, and she was

attractive, and I'd bring her home,

introduce her to my family, and then she

would stay here. That's basically my, my

dream, is to be able to live here but also

have a girlfriend and not have to go all

the way to Japan or all the way to some

random country just to get a girlfriend.

I'd rather just have a girlfriend here,

to be honest, who could come over and then

come and stay over, and then we watch

movies together and we go for walks in the

woods. But I can't— for some reason I

can't get a girlfriend in England. I'm on

Tinder and I've got matches, but they're

all fat and ugly.

They look weird. And all the cute girls,

the cute English girls do not like me.

They're not interested in me at all. I

have no chance with like

a normal attractive English girl,

which sucks. It'd be nice if I could just

get a local girlfriend who is

not fat and ugly. But it

seems like it's impossible.

You need a better Tinder profile. My

photos suck. I always look like a stupid

little boy. I look like a little autistic

retard Asian boy. I don't look like a man.

I don't know why, I just— I don't look

like a man. I've got big head, got skinny

limbs. Look like a little 15-year-old

shit-faced kid. Why would any woman be

interested in me? It's easier for me in

Asia because, you know, it's full of Asian

men and it's pretty normal to have a

skinny body and a big head. But here in

England, where most men are like 6

foot tall, 5 foot 10, they got big arms

and wide shoulders. Like, the men look

like men in England. I look like a stupid

little 15-year-old stupid boy who plays

video games in his room. No attractive

young English girl is going to be

interested in me.

You look young, that's a selling point.

No, it's not. This is something

people misunderstand. As a man, looking

like a kid is not a good thing. For a

woman, yeah, looking young is good because

people, men, find young women attractive.

For a man, looking like a teenager

is not a good thing. You want to look

manly and masculine, not like an

18-year-old teenager. Looking young is not

a compliment for a guy.

I don't feel happy when people say, oh

wow, Daniel looks like he's 18. I don't

feel happy when I have to show my ID to

buy a beer. But what

can I do? You know, I could shave my head,

maybe. I could

wear a shirt and tie.

Because you keep your hair long. Yeah, I

tried cutting it short before. It just

looks awful. I, I do not feel

comfortable with cutting it shorter than

it is now.

I just— I don't like the way I look.

Yeah, there's some girls who are into the

boyish look, and Mila was one of them.

Mila said she liked my boyish look.

And then there's a lot of Japanese women

who say they don't like muscles and They

prefer my body type instead of someone

who's got a massive six-pack and biceps.

But English women are not really like

It's just, it's really difficult

here in England because number one, I

don't find a lot of the girls attractive,

and then the ones I do find attractive

don't find me attractive.

So I'm kind of screwed.

I don't know what kind of girlfriend I

could get here, but yeah, it would be a

lot easier if I just get a local

girlfriend who could get on the train and

come see me, or I could get on the train

and go and see her in London, so I

wouldn't have to fly all the way to Japan

just to get some companionship.

I met this German girl last year when I

went to Germany. She was horrible. She was

so horrible.

So you know I was in that Airbnb with

that Jewish guy, the Jewish guy's Airbnb

with that Jewish stuff. I was actually

with a German girl in that Airbnb. I kept

it a secret. And I did not find

her attractive at all. And when we tried

to have sex the first time, my dick wasn't

very hard. It was a little bit soft,

but I managed to get it hard enough to

perform sexual activities. And she

just— she was just very blunt and direct.

And she would— she said my dick was soft.

She was like, why is your dick so soft?

Usually it's not like that with other men.

And I felt like, oh my God, you don't have

to point it out. It's not like saying it

is going to make it harder. You're just

making me feel more insecure.

And then I didn't really feel like having

sex with her until a few days later.

And then she would say all the other stuff

like, your head's really big.

And now I feel kind of self-conscious

about the size of my head. I didn't really

pay too much attention to it before, but

now I look at myself, I think, yeah, my

head is kind of big.

Why say it? What am I supposed to do about

it? I can't make my head smaller. She just

said mean stuff. It's not the

same German girl that stood you up? No,

it's a different one. That was in 2019,

wasn't it? I met a different German girl

last year before Mila, and she

was just really horrible. She had like

this really bitchy attitude as well. And

maybe you heard me say this before because

I used this bit in a different

context. You know I said that one of these

girls made me sign a contract not to talk

about her? That was her. She was nuts.

So she left the Airbnb to go back and see

her grandmother or something, and then an

hour later she came back banging on

the door, and then she handed me some

paper that she handwritten, some kind of

legal contract, and she asked me to sign

it. And it was stuff like, I will not talk

about you on social media and I will not,

um, talk about your private information.

And then she wouldn't leave until I signed

it. So I signed it and then she walked off

and then she messaged me saying, so are we

still meeting on Saturday? I said, no. I

said, I don't want to meet you anymore.

Fuck off. She said, why?

So I had to explain to her why I didn't

want to meet her. I said, because I felt

insulted that you just made me sign some

stupid contract.

Completely crazy. I took all this footage

in her car because she had a car and she

was driving me around, but I think I

deleted it.

Did I actually tell her to fuck off? No,

I didn't. I wasn't that rude.

But she was just terrible. Worse than the

Turkish girl. I don't know why these girls

I meet from the channel are so annoying.

So this is why I feel kind of disapp—

what's the word? I feel like I've lost

faith that I'm gonna find a good girl from

the channel because I'm just not, am I? I

don't know why I thought I could. You know

why I left the marriage? It's because I

thought I could find a better girlfriend

from the channel because I had all these

girls messaging me, but they're all weird

or annoying.

And now I feel stupid for thinking, oh, I

could get a nicer girlfriend.

It really is true. The girls who want to

meet me, there has to be something wrong

with them because no normal girl is going

to want to meet me if they know my

history. And I didn't think that was true

until recently, but now I kind of see it.

Yeah, they are all kind of annoying and

And I never have anything in common with

them. I don't know why they want to meet

me in the first place. Maybe they think

I'm attractive, but we, we never

have anything in common. And they're

usually all kind of like Mila, you know,

covered in tattoos, kind of weird.

Depression problems.

What did I expect?

I feel so stupid. I didn't even realize

that I have weird viewers. I thought it

was just a small percentage of my viewers

were kind of weird, but. They probably are

mostly weird, like Ice Poseidon's

audience. And I'm not sure why I was so

dumb that I didn't even realize that.

And I gave up a perfectly

normal, good woman to chase all these

weirdos on my channel.

And I regret it so much.

I'm gonna be kicking myself for the rest

of my life. I traded a perfectly normal

woman that I met on Tinder, not from the

channel, in order to chase all these

weirdos who I thought liked me.

And then I meet them and they always end

up either really annoying or we've

got nothing in common because they're from

my channel and people who watch me never

have anything in common with me. I don't

know how I have this massive audience of

people who have nothing in common with me.

They're always like these spiritual hippie

kind of types, like artistic types,

you know.

Really stupid.

Really stupid.

So this is why I'm so upset recently, is

because at

first I thought I could find a better

girlfriend, you know, that we speak the

same language, we've got more in common.

Now I feel like the chances of that

happening are just really, really

non-existent.

And the only chance I'll have of finding

someone who isn't crazy is by not using my

channel to find girls. So I have to get

back on Tinder and dating websites, which

I hate. I hate doing the whole dating

stuff.

So either I just date someone from the

channel and try and find someone who isn't

completely crazy or annoying. Or I go

back to Tinder, or I just give

up and stay single and die alone.

Not great options.

Not great. And I'm getting older,

so I don't look as good as I used to.

My face is getting fat. I don't know why

my body's all skinny, but my face gets

fat. Look at my cheeks.

My face just doesn't feel as tight as it

used to. I feel like my face— I

can, I can notice it starting to droop.

The elasticity is not like it used to be.

Getting fucking old.

32. It's not gonna stay like this for

long. Maybe a few more years.

After a few more years, I'm gonna look a

lot different. I'll be like this.

Hello, I'm 35 now. I'm still

single.

Gonna look like that. My face used to look

so tight and—

what's the word? I don't know what the

word is. It used to look a lot smaller.

Maybe it's not really that important.

It's not like I'm a woman.

It's not like my personality is amazing

though. My personality was a lot better a

few years ago. I wasn't so negative and

actually tried to make an effort to be

nice and likable. Now I'm

just like, oh, fucking don't care.

Don't care about your stupid childhood

stories. Don't give a shit. Stop telling

me about the time you ran away from your

mum's house. Don't fucking care. Just shut

If I have to hear about how— how

your dad didn't give

you a birthday gift for the 10th time,

I'm gonna go crazy. Why don't you talk

about something interesting? God,

I just— I can't take it anymore. They keep

going on and on and on about the bloody

past. I don't give a shit.

What am I supposed to do with that

information? Oh, okay, so you had a hard

childhood, boohoo. Go talk to a therapist.

Do I look like a therapist? I'm not a

fucking therapist.

But girls always want to talk about the

same stuff. They never want to talk about

anything interesting.

Barely any cases in Vietnam. Which

countries are open? I heard Korea is open.

Thailand might be open. I don't know if I

want to go anywhere. But if I don't go

anywhere, where would I go?

What would I do? I can't

just sit in my room playing Rainbow Six

every day until I die. I gotta do

something.

People love talking about themselves.

Yeah, and so do I,

but I

don't mind listening to people's stories

if they keep it short. I said this in my

video when I got back home. I said— and I

said that because Mira would go on and on

and on about

her childhood stories, and it was just the

same story over and over again. I've

already heard it 5 times. It's not more

interesting the more you tell it.

She probably got fed up with me because

she could tell that I didn't care, and I

got more and more tired pretending to

Did I check into getting a business travel

visa? I don't think they would give me

I don't think my channel is big enough to

qualify as a business. I had a look at the

business visa before and it was like, you

need to have an office and an address and

you need to have 2 registered employees.

Yeah, as if I have employees.

It's just me moaning in videos. It's not

like a legitimate business like Abroad in

Japan with affiliations and trademarks.

I bet Abroad in Japan is trademarked. I

bet Chris has The name of the channel

copyrighted. I bet he's like

done it all properly.

So people like the Anime Man, PewDiePie,

you know, big YouTubers, they can easily

get a business visa. Sharla, all that lot.

I won't be able to get one,

but I don't really feel like I need one.

I can stay there for 6 months on a tourist

visa. 6 months is long enough. Usually

after 3 months I start getting bored.

Actually, after 2 months I start getting

bored. After 6 months I think I would feel

like going home or somewhere else. The

only reason I would want to stay for

longer than 6 months is if I magically

found an amazing woman who I really wanted

to date with. But come on, what are the

chances of me finding an amazing woman?

I'll probably just find another

45-year-old divorced washed-up woman who's

as lonely as I am, and then I'll probably

have sex with her and then get bored after

a few months and then just leave her like

I always do. Now the chances of me finding

the one and then falling in love, we want

to be together forever, Yeah, then I'll

worry about how am I going to stay for

longer than 6 months, but I just really

don't think it's going to happen. Yeah,

in an ideal world, I would find my

soulmate and want to stay in Japan

forever, but I just don't think that's

going to happen. Let's be realistic.

The chances of me finding a woman better

than Chihiro, what are they? I don't I

don't know how I could find a woman better

than Chihiro.

She ticked all of my boxes apart from

one, which would be her bottom wasn't

massive, but it's not really a huge

problem.

And she's not really— I don't know, I

don't— no, I don't want to start saying

all that again.

Guess it's a bit mean. I'm not saying

she's ugly, she's not ugly at all.

I just like big bums,

like most men do.

Like, I just crave a massive set

of buttocks. Not huge. I like the Turkish

girl's bum. It was just round and

it was fun slamming into it.

I miss having sex. It's gonna be nearly 4

months since I had sex. No, 3 months.

Last time I had sex was— didn't even have

sex on Christmas. Because that was when

Meida started acting weird. I knew, I knew

she was unhappy. Christmas Day, she was

very weird. She kept

scolding me.

Like, I had my phone because I usually

fiddle with my phone when I'm nervous,

and it was Christmas and we were sitting

in the living room and we were about to

open presents And I was like fiddling with

my phone and then she said, put your phone

away. Like she was telling me off. So

embarrassing.

And then the next morning she wouldn't let

me hug her. I usually hug her in the

morning. And then she was like pushing me

off. I couldn't believe it. So what the

hell's going on? Why? Why are you pushing

me away? And then she tried to get out of

bed straight away to go shower. She would

always jump straight out of bed in the

morning. It was annoying. She'd go, I'm

going to have a shower. But we just woke

up and it's like 8 a.m. in the morning.

I just want to lie in bed and cuddle, not

jump straight into the shower at 8 a.m.

in the morning. She kept doing that.

She kept complaining about being sleepy.

The first few months, she wouldn't let me

sleep with her in the bed. So after

sex, we would sleep in separate beds. She

would set up a mattress on her floor for

me to sleep in. She said, um, she feels

really tired because I keep waking her up.

And then she realized that that wasn't the

reason why she felt so tired, and then we

started sleeping together at night.

But in the morning, she would always jump

straight out of bed and go for a shower

before I even got the chance to have sex.

It was really annoying.

She kept complaining she was tired. I

don't get it. She's 26 and she's

complaining about being tired like a

granny. What is wrong with her?

She's not even doing anything. She's

sitting around in her room all day. How

can you be tired? And then she'd have like

5 cups of coffee.

I think there's something wrong with her

So yeah, Christmas Day was just really

weird, and then Boxing Day was so awkward.

Her face was like dead. She looked dead

inside. And I was

thinking, how do I get out of this? I just

want to go home. And then she said,

Daniel, I'm not happy. I want to end it.

And I was like, oh, thank God. I just

picked up my bag and I left. I said, oh,

I can't be bothered anymore. Fuck this.

I felt, I felt great. I was like, I'm

free, I can go home. Oh my God, what a

nightmare. She drove me

crazy.

You know, I actually have nightmares. I'm

not joking. I have nightmares where

I'm back there in her grandmother's house,

and I'm like, why am I here again?

And I wake up and I'm like, oh, thank God

It was horrible in that house. Her

grandmother was so deaf she couldn't hear

me at all. I tried talking to her and

she just couldn't hear me.

So I gave up trying to talk to her

grandmother. And then her dad kept asking

me about work, and obviously I had to lie

about YouTube and stuff. So Miida told me

to tell him that I was doing translating.

And then he would ask me questions like,

do you still have work? Is COVID

affecting your work? And I just had to

say, yeah, I get orders online and it's

the same as usual. I had

to keep all that. Obviously I couldn't say

I'm doing OnlyFans. And I could hardly

understand what he was saying half the

time because he had like missing teeth.

So awkward. Uh,

Chihiro was so great because I didn't have

to interact with her family.

I don't know why Mida kept bringing me

back to her home. And then dinner time was

so awkward. It was like

we would just sit there in silence eating.

They would talk a little in Dutch and I

wouldn't understand. So I was just sitting

there not saying anything. I couldn't look

at my phone because she wouldn't let me

bring my phone to the dinner table. So I

finished my meal and I was just sitting

there staring at the plate waiting for

everyone else to finish. It was like that

every week. So awkward.

I had no idea what to talk about.

Obviously I can't talk about anything I'm

actually doing, like YouTube. That kind of

stuff. I can't talk about experiences

I had. I had to lie about everything.

Oh, what a nightmare. I'm just so glad

it's over. It was just horrible.

It's just a shame though, because in the

beginning it was nice. It was nice meeting

a girlfriend's family, and it was nice

seeing her again. It was nice how I felt

like she wanted to be with me.

It's like that phrase, be careful what you

wish for because it becomes a nightmare.

Corrupt a wish kind of thing.

And then I lost so much money, thousands,

probably $20,000 or more from that

whole Germany trip and then the Rotterdam

apartment. Then people kept calling me

stupid, saying why didn't I get a cheaper

place? I couldn't. That was the cheapest

place. All the other cheap places wouldn't

rent to me because I didn't have a visa

and I wasn't a permanent resident and I

was just a tourist. People don't rent out

apartments to tourists. You don't get it.

People calling me stupid and dumb for

paying so much, saying, oh, Dutch people

would never pay the amount you're paying.

Yeah, because I'm not Dutch, I'm English.

I'm a tourist. I'm not even staying here

permanently. Obviously no one's going to

rent to me at Dutch prices.

I couldn't get a place for only 3 months.

Most of the places were 6 months or 1-year

minimum contracts.

And then they said, why don't you live in

the countryside? Or why do you have to

live in Rotterdam? It's because I had to

live nearby her. If I lived in The Hague

or Amsterdam, then either she or I would

have to ride the train for nearly 2 hours

to see each other. How's that gonna work?

You'd rather have the Chihiro experience,

have the girlfriend's family hate your

guts so much that they don't want to meet

you? Yes, I would.

I would rather they hate me and not want

I don't have any interest in meeting the

girl's family. I don't care.

It's just stressful. It doesn't benefit me

in any way. They,

they're not gonna be understanding.

They're not gonna like me because I'm

weird and awkward. They're not gonna

respect my, my job.

I'd probably have to lie about everything.

They're gonna be boring, normal people.

Who are like,

I don't know, who work for a company.

And then it would just be awkward if I met

Chihiro's family. I'd just be sitting

there in silence again, and they'd be

like, so Daniel, how do you like Japan?

And then I'd say, oh, it's okay.

It'd just be awkward. It's not like we're

going to hit it off.

I'm really glad Chihiro never met— made me

meet her family. I'm just

not interested.

And this is why I just feel kind of sad

now, because I've

become so picky and fussy.

I don't want a girl who's annoying. I

don't want a girl who is loud. I don't

want a girl who lives with her family. I

don't want a girl who has a family. I

don't want a girl who has brothers. I

don't want a girl who wants me to meet her

family. I don't want a girl who wants me

to keep her secret. I don't want a girl

who's mentally ill. I don't want a girl

who's weird. I'm never gonna

find a girl, basically. I'm fucked.

And now that I think about it, Chihiro was

just perfect. She didn't have any male

family. She didn't make me meet her

family. She had her own place. She didn't

live with her family. She wasn't mentally

ill. She didn't have, you know, like body

modifications.

She let me film what we were doing.

I'm never going to get that exact thing

again.

And she wasn't weird looking. Like, the

single mother girlfriend looks so weird.

She has a square rectangle face,

like big square jaw,

extruding lower lip. What's it called?

You know when the lower lip sticks out

further than the upper lip? Just looks

really unattractive. What's it called?

Underbite, that's the word. So

unattractive.

Maybe I have to lower my standards. I'd

rather just be alone than lower my

standards. At least I got Twitch,

got my viewers.

So basically, I am screwed.

I don't know how I'm gonna get another

girlfriend.

You're the weirdest dude on YouTube. This

is Twitch, not YouTube.

Twitch is such a rubbish website, isn't

it? How do you even grow your

Twitch channel? On YouTube, you grow your

channel by making videos about topics that

attract an audience, and then your videos

go viral, and then you get an audience.

How do you get one on Twitch? Your streams

don't go viral on Twitch, do they?

And you don't make topics. There's no

algorithm on Twitch. Like, if I made a

video called Why I Don't Have Any Friends

on Twitch, is there an algorithm on Twitch

that makes it go viral and gets me an

audience? How do I get an audience on

Twitch? But who here found me on Twitch?

No one. Everyone who's watching right now

found me on YouTube. No one found me on

Twitch. No one's like, oh, who's this

Daniel guy filming his foot?

I'm going to follow him.

It feels like it's impossible to grow a

Twitch channel unless a

bigger Twitch streamer hosts you or you've

got an existing audience from somewhere

else. Twitch is so dumb.

Fucking Twitch.

Hate Twitch. I think Twitch

is shit. All the Twitch megastars

are all boring. Like, you got Ninja,

And Reckless, or who, who even is really

famous on Twitch? That Pokimane girl.

I guess she had Ice Poseidon, but he got

banned.

And then if people sub for $5,

Twitch takes half of it. They don't let

you have any ads on your stream unless

you're a partner. They don't make you a

partner unless you get 75 viewers. Every

time. And then even when I had 75 viewers

every time, they didn't approve my

application. They don't even follow

their own rules, and then they just

randomly ban people for stupid reasons.

I don't think— I don't know if the

notification system's very good. I've got

nearly 4,000 followers and only 60 people

bothered to click on my stream.

Maybe they don't use Twitch. Maybe they

only signed up to Twitch to watch me and

then they forgot and then deleted it.

The only reason I made Twitch was when I

got the cockroach strike. When did that

happen? I think it was October 2018. I was

in a hotel after arguing with Chihiro,

and then I got in trouble

for that cockroach thing. I couldn't

stream for 3 months. I had to make like a

20-second video on YouTube saying,

everyone, I'm on Twitch now. How many

viewers do I get? I used to

get— I think I used to get about 150

people when I streamed on Twitch back

then. And then if I streamed on YouTube,

I'd get maybe 500 or 600.

I used

to stream a lot on Twitch. If you look

at my clips, there's quite a lot of them.

A lot of cooking. Oh yeah, I did the sofa.

Stream. I think the last proper stream I

did on Twitch was the cruise ship. Me and

Chihiro went on a cruise ship and I

thought I would stream the whole thing and

then edit the stream into like highlights

for a video so I could get,

get more money. I get donations from

stream and then I get ad rev from the

highlights. It worked quite well. But I

was kind of annoyed because people weren't

interested in stuff like that. I'd make

travel videos where we went to Kyoto,

Nara, USJ, and they

would only get like 20K views. I wasn't

happy with it and I got annoyed. People

wouldn't watch unless it was drama or

something stupid like why I hate my wife.

Back then, the travel stuff would get 20K,

like cruise ship, Nara, USJ,

which was bad back then. Now 20K views

would be amazing. And but back then I

wanted 40K, 50K views, and the only way to

get 40 or 50K was to have drama or an

argument or me complaining about how my

wife was bad.

I remember Chris Broad commented on the

Osaka Castle video. That was nice.

I wonder if it's still there, that

comment. I should screenshot it and hang

it on my wall. He said, get her a

Butterbeer. I did, but the Butterbeer

tasted horrible. It's just like really,

really sweet sticky soda.

I thought Butterbeer was actually like a

Beer that had butter in it. I wonder if

that would taste nice. Put butter

Your worst dream: walking in Japan trying

to go in somewhere to get a beer. Yeah,

that was when I was really into Ice

Poseidon. I think I found Ice Poseidon

2017, and I loved his

streams. I loved the way he just walked

around and interacted people, and I

desperately wanted to do it myself. And

the best I could do was just walking into

convenience stores and buying beer. I was

too scared to talk to anyone.

I was so into Ice Poseidon back then.

That's why I did all those outdoor

livestreams walking around. It was mainly

because I didn't want to stream in the

guest house because the walls were so thin

and people could hear me. I felt

embarrassed, so I had to go outside to

make videos and stuff. And then secondly,

because I wanted to be like Ice Poseidon.

He was like my role model back then.

Remember all my videos before I moved in

with Chihiro? They were all filmed at

night and it was just me walking around

the streets.

And then I'd get really annoyed every time

a car passed. And I

was just talking about dates I went on. I

remember the video I made when I first met

Chihiro.

I made stuff like why I don't clean my

foreskin. Oh yeah, I had a rash on my dick

and I made a video about it. I was talking

about using fungal cream, antifungal

cream, because my dick was itchy.

I used to make such weird videos.

That was like peak weirdness because

back then you could monetize videos. Even

if you're talking about sex and dick

cheese and foreskins. It was before the

whole Logan Paul thing happened, and then

the adpocalypse happened, and I was

panicking because I had to stop talking

about sex. I had to remove some of my

videos that were really sexual. Half my

videos got demonetized, all the stuff

about why I hated condoms and why I

prefer old women. And how I cum on my

cousin's panties. Had to take all that

down. And then that's when I introduced

the word cereal. That's when

the legend was born. 2017.

It's kind of funny now I think about it.

All those weird videos I made and still

girls wanted to meet me. I wouldn't make

those videos now because I'd be worried

that a girl would see it and then not want

to meet me anymore. I don't know what I'd

make now. Why I like the smell of

my cheesy foreskin. It was like 2017

content.

Ah, it just feels like there used to

be so many funny things on

my channel, and now it's just like

nothing, like an empty void. What the hell

happened? There's nothing funny this

year. I guess last year I had the whole

Mila stuff, which was kind of funny. This

year is just nothing. It's already March,

it's gonna be April soon, and I've got

nothing. So 2017

was Tomoko, single mother, sexual content

weirdness. 2018, married.

'19, the marriage stuff and then divorce.

'20, Amida stuff.

And what about '21? The whole year is

gonna go by and I have nothing to show for

it apart from I lost money on stocks.

I feel like I'm under so much pressure to

do something. I don't know what to do.

I feel like everyone is trying to stop me

from doing it. My mum hates my YouTube

channel. My sister doesn't like it. A lot

of girls don't like it. There's a lot of

Mila-type girls who don't want me to make

the stuff that, that's weird.

My mum really hates my YouTube channel.

She's so embarrassed about it. She feels

ashamed. And I feel like I can't do the

weird stuff I used to do because I don't

want to fight with her.

Why are there so many people?

Don't know, maybe it's a bug.

So after the Mila girlfriend I

had, she— something inside

my brain changed a lot because I, I got

punished so badly. For being a massive

weirdo, which is what I usually do on

YouTube. I'm a massive weirdo and I talk

about weird stuff. And then Mila just

rejected me because of that.

And I got burnt so badly that I wanted to

see her again so badly that I was willing

to just completely change my kind— the

kind of content I was doing.

And I'm still suffering from that.

So I still don't know how to go back to

how I used to be.

I don't know how to be a weirdo again and

go back to making weird content, which is

what got me noticed in the first place.

Is Mila your first true love? Yeah, I

think so. I made a lot of sacrifices for

her. I completely rebranded my kind of

content, deleted Discord.

I tried to become normal. I think I tried

to become normal and I tried to stop being

such a weirdo.

And now I don't really know how to go back

to being like that because it just gets me

into trouble. It makes girls not like me.

It makes— it causes problems with my

family because they take it all seriously

and they feel ashamed.

Mita tried to change me so much. And she

kept trying to stop me from being

negative. She didn't want me

to, to try and please like

the weird audience I had built.

And it really, it really affected my

confidence making content. Now I kind

of feel scared of being— going back

to being weirdo creep Daniel who made

weird content back in

the day, 2019. I just didn't care,

and I'd make all, all kinds of weird stuff

like my sex doll gave me an infection or

ex-girlfriend's tier list. I just had no

care about people thinking what they

thought of me, and now I care

too much and I'm too worried.

I don't like it. Mila thought she could be

the one to fix you. Yeah,

and I tried to make it seem like I had

changed to get her back, and it worked in

the beginning, but then I started slipping

back into my old ways,

you know, like streaming and then

constantly complaining. She said she

didn't like what I was saying on streams

before we broke up. She said she had been

watching my streams. At first I decided to

stop streaming cuz it always got me into

trouble, but then the last few months I

was so bored and lonely In that apartment,

I started streaming again, and when I

stream, I just start complaining. She said

she didn't like how negative I was being.

She didn't like the things I was saying.

I couldn't vlog. I couldn't stream. I

couldn't complain. I couldn't vent. She

kept saying, "Oh, you shouldn't be

negative. The bad energies will come back

to you." I

remember complaining to her about some

small channel that overtook my channel,

and then she told me to stop. She said,

Daniel, stop being so negative.

She believes in all this stupid rubbish

like karmic energies, and you put out,

you get what you put out. So if you put

out negative energy, the universe sends

negative energy back to you. A load of

rubbish.

Utter bollocks. There's no such thing as

all this stupid energy.

There's no cosmic energy that flows around

like the Force from Star Wars. I don't

know how anyone can believe in that

nonsense.

Because she read it in a book and it

sounded convincing, I guess. She kept

going on about all this random stuff like

the Mandela effect.

I don't even remember what it was. It was

like something that loads

of people remember, but they don't

remember it how it actually was. And I

said, It's maybe just because people don't

have great memories and it's just a

coincidence, not like some magical voodoo

glitch in the Matrix. Bloody Mandela

effect, a load of rubbish.

But she believed all that stuff, and if I

was negative about it or I rejected it,

she kept going on about it. Like, why

don't you believe it? It's true. The

Mandela effect is true. How can so many

people get the same thing wrong?

Like the, the Star Wars famous line,

Luke, I am your father.

Most people, if you ask them to say that

line, they'll say, Luke, I am your father,

when actually it's something different.

It's like I can't remember what it was.

I'm a Star Wars fan, but even I don't

remember every single line from the movie.

And I thought, maybe people just don't

remember every single line from a bloody

40-year-old movie. Who watches Star Wars,

the original trilogy, every day?

That in my memory, it's Luke, I am your

father. What is it actually? Yeah, it's

no, I am your father. And she's like,

look, Mandela effect is real.

Maybe it's just because most people just

forget what it actually is, and then the

mind fills in the blanks with what it

thinks it is. It's not bloody— I

don't know, conspiracy theory.

She kept going on about all this rubbish.

UFOs and the moon landing was faked.

Oh my God, probably because she saw some

video on YouTube about it and just thought

it sounded really convincing. Oh yeah,

that must be true because it's in a book.

Just drove me crazy.

As soon as she said moon landing was

faked, you should have broken up. Yeah, I

was just rolling my eyes. How can you

think the moon landing was fake?

You know, there's actual metal plates that

the astronauts placed on the moon that we

bounce lasers off of. There's literal

physical evidence that we went to the

moon. And all these conspiracies have been

debunked over and over, like the shadows,

or it was done in a camera setup.

What's the word? It was staged

or something. All that's been debunked.

I don't know how you could believe that

And then she said, oh, UFOs were real. My

friend said she saw a UFO. Oh my

God, how, how can you believe in

UFOs? How can you believe there's an

intelligent life form that

has superior advanced technology And they

live in the exact same area of space in

the entire universe, which is so

unimaginably massive and gigantic. Do you

know how big space is? People can't even

imagine the size of space because it's so

huge. And you're telling me that in all of

space, in the exact same time

span That there's two intelligent alien

life forms that exist in the same area

that come into contact. The chances of

that happening are like zero point zero

zero zero zero zero point zero zero zero

zero zero one percent. Not even that,

probably. Out of how old is the universe?

It's like billions of years old.

Billions and billions and billions and

billions and billions of years old. And

you think. That in this moment of

time there's 2 intelligent life forms that

live in the exact same area in the

universe that could come into contact.

It's just— oh my God.

There's scientists and astrologists who

have been scanning space in the galaxy

with powerful telescopes for decades and

they haven't found anything. They haven't

found ruins, they haven't found any signs

of alien life on any other planet.

If they existed, they would have found

them by now. And you're saying you believe

in UFOs and flying saucers? Give me a

break. Oh my God,

everything she said just pissed me off.

So I don't know how someone can be so

And say the dumbest things just

triggered me all the time.

Yeah, maybe there was intelligent life

form billions of years ago in a different

part of the universe,

but no way do they exist now or

near us. It's just so improbable.

It's like Elon Musk says, if there was

actually UFOs, we would have solid

evidence of their existence by now.

There's no way that they would just slip

by without anyone having solid evidence

that isn't some hazy, blurry photo of a

little light streaking across the sky.

Yeah, she says so many weird things that I

just— I kept my mouth shut because number

one, I didn't want to have a massive

debate with her. I didn't want to upset

her. I didn't want to have a big argument

about it. So I was just like, yeah, sure,

great. UFOs, ghosts,

cosmic energy.

Sounds great. That's great.

Forgot what I was talking about. Why am I

having this massive rant? I have no idea

what the original topic was.

Whatever. I had my banana.

Cool bed covers. Yes, I got them when I

was a weeb during my weeb phase.

I got all this Japanese stuff and got

Japanese pillows, bed covers.

I used to have all this manga collection,

anime figures. Got bored

of it after a few years.

How's my Japanese? I haven't used it

since I left Japan. I don't know any—

well, actually, I talked to the gay

Japanese guy. Did I tell you the bisexual

Japanese guy messaged me? I think it was

slightly before Christmas. He said he

found my YouTube channel. He's the only

person that I've made videos about who

found it. Because I've made a lot of

videos about people in my past and I just

put their pictures as thumbnails and they

don't even know about it. There's like

100,000 people who know the face of my

ex-girlfriends and the ex-girlfriends

don't even know. Or maybe they do. I

don't, I don't think they do. But the

Japanese gay guy messaged me. He said he

was on YouTube and he ran randomly found

my channel and he saw his picture in my

gay experience video. He actually just

apologized to me. He said he was sorry if