my life is a complete failure...

Testing, just making a coffee.

How was work today? Uh, I haven't gone to

work in over a week. I got banned.

Banned from working. I'm destined to a

life of relaxation and ease.

I think we all have destinies, destinies

in this life.

Roles to fulfill, and I just don't

think having a job is for me.

I think the fact that even though I try

and get a job and do a job and I keep

somehow getting fired or banned is a sign

from the universe that

I shouldn't be bothered.

Who's offering me a relationship? Yeah,

I'm kind of looking for a new

relationship, hopefully with someone

hotter and better.

Slimmer.

Do you like my new mystery box thingy?

We've got a dono gong. I went up

and I took a picture of it. Looks pretty

good, doesn't it? God, that thing looks

weird. It's like the previous tenants

just chucked a load of stuff in the box

and shoved it up there. There's like a

metal tin thing up there as well.

Very spooky.

How does he have a lot of stuff to talk

about every day? Because I'm just so full

of wisdom and information and

amazing things happening.

I don't like that light behind me.

I fell asleep in the garden.

It was really relaxing. I just sat on my

chair and I just fell asleep. I'm like an

old man now. I just sit in the garden and

I fall asleep in the sun.

What is my life? I don't even know.

I should be at the peak of my career with

the woman of my life, love of my life,

raising a family, trying to

get that promotion to become manager.

Instead, I'm like sitting in my garden

falling asleep at 2 PM.

What even is my life anymore? I don't

Uh, let me check something here.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'm a bit distracted

because Today is a very

important day.

In 1 hour and

15 minutes,

Jerome Powell speaking.

I didn't want to wait until then to start

streaming, so I thought I'd just stream

whilst I wait.

You don't even know who Jerome Powell is?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

He's the chairman of the Federal Reserve.

He's like one of the most influential

people in America.

No, I'm not going to stream it, but I

wanted to watch it, but I don't know,

I just want to see— the market's going to

go crazy when he starts talking. That's

what I'm waiting for.

GTA 6 trailer. Is there anything new in

the trailer? I watched the first trailer

and it was just like a bunch of women

flipping their hair, sitting around a

swimming pool. Okay, where's the gameplay?

Who cares about some stupid cutscene of

women sitting around a pool and planes

flying overhead? Any game can do that.

It's not hard to do a cutscene.

So I don't see the point of these stupid

trailers where you just see like a bunch

of characters standing around. Where's the

gameplay? I wanna see the gameplay. I

don't care about those stupid cutscenes.

I hate these cutscenes.

Anyone can make a cutscene.

I'm not trying to watch a movie, I'm

trying to play a game.

Yeah, what's— I mean, if you can't date

random NPCs and everyone's got like their

own backstory, and then you can have sex

with them and then move in with them and

get a house and then make money by doing

crime. If you can't do that, then what's

the point? That's what I want to do. I

want to live a life of crime and be able

to date any woman I want, and we have a

house together, and then you can like

choose different apartments across the

city. That would be great.

Like Sims/GTA.

That'd be great. I want to be able to buy

buildings and like start a business or

hire people. Get multiple girlfriends and

then be able to cheat on them, and if they

find out, they like come for you for

revenge. That's my dream. Basically just

real life, I guess, but without any of the

consequences of actually committing crime.

God, that'd be a great game. I don't give

a damn about this stupid story. GTA is

always the same. You got a big city, you

can steal people's cars, you can kill

people.

And then there's always some boring story

about how you're, you're a wannabe

criminal and you need money, and then you

get involved in some crime gangs drama.

Every game is same boring.

The only fun thing to do is steal car run

people over, crash, flip the car, go

flying out the window. After you do that

for a few hours, the game's boring.

I just basically want a game where it's

real life and gives you the freedom, the

options to do almost anything you want.

When's that gonna come out? So then I have

something to do because my own life's so

Oh wow, thanks, Chosen. Can you dress up

and roleplay as Chihiro on OnlyFans and

call the big tall crypt goth you locked in

and tell him, no, don't put it in, in

Japanese while you ram it up your bumhole

I mean, if you're gonna pay money for it,

I would, but it's gonna cost you like

$100. Oh damn it, the donation

goal is only for the PayPals.

I thought tips were for Super Chats.

Barely anyone does PayPals apart from the

$1 people.

Um, hold on. Why can't they just

have one dono goal with the PayPal and the

Super Chat combined? Why is it separate?

Super Chat goal.

And then I need a new widget.

Super Chat, Super Chat.

Look, this is the old Super Chat goal. It

was pay my mum back. We got to 32%. Why

does it say 5,400—

16,000? What's the target?

Okay, in that goal, open mystery

box. What about,

hmm, 100?

150? Because I can't really be bothered,

to be honest. I mean, if I get 150,

I'll open it.

Why is it not showing?

Why is it blank?

Save. Oh, there it is.

And then I'll lower the goal on the PayPal

to like 50, not 100.

Or 80, and I'll start it at 2.

That— how about that?

I'm confused. Um, well, one dono goal is

for PayPal and the other one's for Super

Chat, so I guess whichever

one is reached first.

It's just that, um, I get less PayPal than

Super Chat usually.

What's your plan on OnlyFans? I've got a

male love doll with willy on its way, and

I'm gonna ride it wearing stockings. I

might get a wig as well.

And if I make enough money off it, I might

even get one of those mechanized thrusting

motor things. It's got— it's like a

machine and it's like on legs, not human

legs, but like little stubs, and it's got

like a piston and you attach a dildo onto

That would be pretty hot.

Am I actually gay? No, I'm just doing it

for money. Although I can't deny it does

feel good to get rammed in the bum.

Something very primal about it and

degen that's kind of hot.

But no, I don't want to do it with a guy.

I still want a girlfriend. Mainly because

when you don't have a girlfriend, you feel

a bit like a loser, don't you? And then

when you have a girlfriend, you feel like

less of a loser, and you feel like people

are gonna respect me now, or at least not

think I'm a loser. Yeah, when I moved

into this house with Sunny and we said hi

to the neighbors, I felt so cool. I was

like, oh, me and my girlfriend moving into

my house. And now I feel a bit like a

loser weirdo that no woman would

like to be with.

No girl's gonna want you after this

fiasco. Yeah, that is the problem with

OnlyFans. Any normal girl is not gonna

want to be with you. But then I don't

think any normal girl is gonna want to be

with me anyway, even without OnlyFans. I

mean, who's gonna— what girl is gonna

watch my YouTube channel and think Oh

yeah, he's a guy I want to be in a

relationship with, even without the

Well, I guess, I guess Sunny wanted to,

but then she found out. She found

out real good, didn't she? What happens

when you mess with the Lord?

Think you can mess with me? That's what

Yeah, so I don't think not doing OnlyFans

is really like making

me lose all— oh no, all the normal girls

who wanted to date me gonna be repulsed

now. As if they were all queuing up.

Name one normal girl that I met off the

channel that wants to be with me.

Yeah,

exactly. Oh, for tonight's

dinner recipe, we're gonna make battered

sausage. I've got to try and cook all the

sausages before they go off. I've got like

10 sausages. I'll try and make about 5

battered ones and then 5 air fried ones.

Yeah, Crypt really wants to come to the UK

and do OnlyFans with me. She's probably

going to take out a bank loan to fund it.

Yeah, well, I value easy money over a

relationship. I guess I've, I've made that

clear, haven't I? Because I've had many

chances to have a normal relationship and

I've always chosen sex

with fangirls or doing OnlyFans. So I

guess I can't really complain when, when

the universe has given me so many

opportunities to have a normal

relationship and I keep not taking it.

I can't really say, oh, I never get any

opportunity. I've had so many.

I literally could have had a normal

relationship, normal life, walked away

from the YouTube channel, but I decided

not to. And can you blame me? I mean,

I literally just lost my job a week ago.

You think I can hold on to a job? Good

luck. I'll get bored of it, stop doing it

properly, and then I'll sabotage it

because I don't want to do it anymore.

And then what? I won't have YouTube or

anything.

Yeah, maybe we get a strap-on for

Cheyenne. She can bum me.

That's the closest the gay guys are gonna

get to seeing me bummed by someone.

Oh, I got a warning on Instagram because

of my sexy story. They removed it, but it

was already over ages ago, so I already

got the views. It said, uh, story removed

for sexual content. What?

But all I was doing was wearing a skirt.

There's loads of girls on Instagram

flashing their bum and stuff like that. I

don't understand why I got a warning and

it got removed because

of OnlyFans. But I've seen other people do

that. I've seen people post a picture and

then say, oh, new stuff on my OnlyFans.

Maybe it's because they didn't actually

link it, because I put the link embedded

in the picture, didn't I?

Yeah,

stupid subreddit people definitely

reported it. Oh well,

I still got thousands of views on it

before it didn't get taken down. It— I

mean, it ran the 24-hour story,

which is what a story does. It's up for 24

hours and then it goes off and then it

gets saved to archives. But it got removed

today even though I posted it days ago.

I spoke to Ice on Discord. He said he's

willing to send you an invite for his

upcoming Hunger Games.

Where is it and when is it?

Because I could fly to Canada bankrupt and

then fly to— I think

there's like another girl in America that

might want to meet and then do Ice's thing

and then come home.

Why so sad in your thumbnail? It's just

for the algorithm.

It's probably in Austin, Texas, isn't it?

I would not be bothered to do all that

just to lose, because there's probably

going to be, I don't know, 10, 20 people,

lots of drama.

What you got to lose? Uh, thousands of

dollars flying there, booking

accommodation, food,

And then I don't win anything.

Oh no, I need the toilet. God damn it,

so annoying. I fucking hate the toilet.

Yeah, so what is this Ice thingy?

His new event? Oh my God,

I think I heard him say the prize money is

like 50K, but Ice

doesn't like people winning stuff easily.

He's gonna like make it hard. He wants

people to work for the reward so he can

get drama content.

So I don't know, I don't think I've really

got the stomach

for that.

I'd probably just get mad and then leave

and then whine about how I hate

everything.

Check your DMs later.

Am I still active on Discord? No, I left

his Discord.

Damn. Imagine winning $50K though. That

would like solve all my problems in life.

No debt. And so I'd pay

off the $25K and then I have $25K left.

What's my Instagram? Rabbits ate my

I wonder if they would still remember what

I said about Deepak. That was like 2 years

ago.

Nah, I can't be bothered. Too lazy.

52 minutes until Jay Powell speaks.

What's gonna happen?

Temin won last Hunger Games. $100,000.

Jesus.

Short selling gambling stocks.

Why would you mess with Gambling? What,

like DraftKings? You should have just put

it in the S&P 500.

Well, easy come, easy go, I guess.

What would you do if you got $100K? I feel

like I'd try and buy a house. Put down a

$100K deposit, you get a nice house. Or

just get a normal house, put down a $100K

deposit. Your monthly mortgage fees would

be so cheap, like $300 a month if you put

down a fat deposit like $100K.

But wouldn't you have to pay tax on it?

I'm pretty sure you can't just get $100K

and then not have to pay any tax because

you're— it would count as income,

wouldn't it? You can't get a gift of

So you'd probably have to pay like 30% tax

on it. I think the tax bracket if you make

$100K or something is more than 20%. So

you have to probably pay like $30K of it

No, I wouldn't buy a whole house with

$100K. I'm saying you put down a mortgage

with a $100K deposit. And then you could

either get a $400K house or $200K

house.

He pays it in crypto. Oh,

okay.

I cleaned my shower drain today. I

couldn't believe how black

and disgusting it was. Have you ever just

looked at your shower drain and thought,

why is the whole thing black? Why is all

the water in it black? I thought maybe the

inside was just like coated black. I

didn't realize you can pull the drain out.

There's like a hole with a cup that

catches the hair and stuff. And then in

the cup there's like the Mercedes

logo shaped plastic thing. So 2

bits come out of the drain. I pulled it

out all covered in slime and hair.

I washed it all off.

And then I got soap and I washed the

inside, you know, where the pipe goes. So

there's like a hole where the pipe starts

that was all black. So I cleaned the whole

thing. Now it's completely white. It looks

so good. Every time I go to the toilet,

I'm looking at the shower drain. I'm like,

damn, that is a white hole. It looks so

good. You really have to just take an

afternoon or a morning one day and have a

good look at your shower. It's probably

disgusting. My shower was disgusting.

I cleaned it out real good.

God, imagine like all the oils and the

piss and the dead skin and hair going

down there. I've never really

looked at a shower that closely because

I've always been grossed out by it. And I

didn't wear my glasses, so I can't see.

So I usually just pretend it doesn't

exist.

But you really should just, you know,

have a good look at it and get it done.

Yeah, so what'd you have to do for his

event? I still don't know what his event's

about. Yeah, I'm hoping Powell's gonna

crash the market. It looks like it's

but there's still 45 minutes left. Is it

gonna rally all the way until the speech?

Kami asks where's her money. Up my

backside.

Damn, it's pumping. I placed a sell order

in this 5-minute fair value gap.

Let's see if it gets filled. I might

actually— I don't know, I'm a bit worried

it's gonna pump hard. Might place this

sell order higher up.

According to carwow.com, they say my car

is worth £9,500. If it's in good

condition. So mine's not in very

good condition. Um,

maybe it's worth like 7 to 8k,

and then I could get a banger for like 3k.

Then I'd profit 4 or 5k, won't I?

It's either get a banger for 3k or get a

banger for 1.5k. But for 1.5K, it's going

to be a real piece of crap. At least with

3K, it's going to be slightly nicer.

Less mileage.

So I could pocket like 5 or 6K maybe.

I don't even need a car anymore. I could

just learn how to sort my rubbish, leave

it outside, and I could just order Tesco

delivery. And then never have to drive.

Why would I need to drive anymore?

They also come and pick it up. You sell

it, you take the photos, and then if you

sell it, they'll come and collect it.

What was that sound? It's like

a massive bumblebee or a lawnmower.

What is that sound?

What if you get another job? Well, my goal

is to not have to get another job.

I think I have a better chance of just

focusing on internet endeavors than trying

to get a job, because I'm just gonna lose

it again, aren't I?

Battle Royale with $100K prize event will

take place. So is it the same as the last

one? Where they have paintball guns and

the, the chest plates with the hit

targets.

50 creators, so you got a 50

to 1 chance of winning. I don't like those

odds.

I wonder how much money he makes from

doing these events. He must make good

money if he keeps doing them.

Maybe Kick pays for it.

How— what do you do against the other

creators? Shoot them? I would not be good

at something like that.

I don't think I have very good situational

awareness and I've

never really fired a gun apart from my BB

Also, I don't even know how to set up a

livestream. I need to get American SIM

cards and then— because

I'm guessing every contestant has to

stream it. As well.

Too much effort.

I wonder if I had infinite money what kind

of events I would do. I would just want to

round up all the fangirls and then they

fight for my love.

They have to do like a mud wrestling match

and the winner gets to suck my dick.

That sounds like my kind of event.

It'd be like Love Island, but I'm the only

guy and they've all got to fight for me.

41 minutes. Jay Powell's coming

out to crash the market.

Last time I had good cereal was a month

ago. It's been one month's

cerealnesslessness.

Cereallessness.

I'm at £9.23, by the way.

I managed to— I lost 15 pence

on a hedge long and it got stopped out,

but then I won 20 pence on my third short,

which I closed out. I still got 2 shorts

open and

I've placed a long order at

yesterday's lows with a tight stop loss to

try and hedge my shorts. I hedge my hedge

with a hedge.

Are we gonna get £10 today again? We got

£10 yesterday, but Overnight. Oh yeah, I

remember last night that massive candle

came out from the Trump

and China trade talks. Did anything even

come out of that? Because the entire

candle was given back.

Am I paying my credit card debts with

another credit card? No, I'm using I'm

going to use my stock money. I need, I

need another £600 in my stock money.

So I've got £4,200 in my stocks. I need

£4,800. Oh yeah, Barrick Gold

announced earnings and it was really good,

but the stock barely moved. It went up

like, I don't know, 1%.

So that's not great,

is it?

Worst investment ever. 3 years and 10% up.

Terrible. I can't wait to get out of it.

What a boring day. So I was looking

forward to today so much because I thought

Barrick Gold would do something. It's not

doing anything.

State why you'd make a good contestant.

I don't know, I'm not very good at selling

myself.

I'm kind of interested to know what

message George Trombly sent me.

Apparently he found out I was bitching

about him, but I can't read it

because I got locked out of my Line

account. I'm wondering

if he's mad at me or if he apologized.

I reckon he would just say, hey dude, I

heard you're upset about the time thing.

And then he'd probably just do like a

light, casual apology. I don't think he's—

I don't know. I have seen him mad before

when I think it was when someone was using

his name to

sell his book. I can't remember something

about his books and he got mad about it.

But usually he's quite a happy-go-lucky

guy.

I guess we'll never know.

You will spend money to repair the old

car. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.

You buy an old banger, it's got 100,000

miles on it, you're probably going to have

to fix it up at some point,

whereas my car is probably going to be

good for a while, plus it's electric, so

it's not going to have problems with

engine stuff. Yeah, I guess it's

best to just keep it. Also, it's been

devalued a lot because I've bashed it up.

Just feels a bit annoying not really

needing it anymore.

I paid my rent today. Now I'm minus £1,800

in overdraft,

and I don't get any money until hopefully

a week from my job. They're supposed to

pay me about £400.

They better not ghost me.

And then YouTube will pay on the 20th or

21st if it's not a Sunday.

Yeah, I've got a Samsung phone and an

iPhone.

You hung out with 2 Japan tubers. Who was

it? Chris Broad.

Is this guy actually 36? Yep,

37 next year. How many months?

8 months and I'll be 37. Oh my God.

No, wait, that's not right. 7— 9 months

and I'll be 37. Holy crap.

I haven't achieved anything in my life and

I'm nearly 40.

At least my hair's still good.

You achieved a lot. 113K subs.

Yeah, they don't watch my videos anymore,

apart from about 5K-ish.

I wish I had developed some kind of skill

that could make me money apart from

OnlyFans and doing these boring streams.

Imagine 50-year-old Daniel putting

sausages in his bum for OnlyFans. Well, I

think, I think at some point I will stop

doing OnlyFans, but I will still make

money off it because I have a massive back

catalog of hot stuff

when I was younger, and then I'll just

have to try and promote it. I keep trying

to get traffic to it. So I've got to start

cranking out OnlyFans now whilst I still

look young. Still got all my old

videos, most of them.

But yeah, I just need to make a lot of

stuff so I've got a big back catalog.

I mean, there are Old

grannies and MILFs doing porn that get

views. And there's— you're saying there's

no old guys in porn? Of course there is.

Plenty of old guys banging young girls.

I don't know about, like, old guys on

their own, though.

I used to do Kick, but I didn't get any

viewers, so I got bored.

And you don't get any ad rev, and KCIP

wasn't a thing when I was doing it, and I

wouldn't be able to meet the requirements

anyway. I think you need like, I don't

know, 100 viewers. I couldn't even get 50.

I'd be starting off from scratch, and I'm

just too boring. To get any audience on

it.

I've only got an audience on YouTube

because I had some videos go viral,

didn't I? And then I had that marriage

arc, and then the drama stuff happened.

I can't even get 100 viewers on Kick. I

can barely get 100 viewers on YouTube.

Which is where my main audience is.

So if you guys are bored, I don't think

the Kick people are gonna not be bored.

I keep swallowing my saliva too quickly

and it shoots down my windpipe.

That's so annoying.

Now I remember at my peak on YouTube in

2018, I tried streaming on Twitch and I

would only get about 150 viewers. So if at

my peak I only got 150, imagine now.

I used to do Twitch about 2 years ago

and I was getting about 30 to 40 viewers.

And then me and Pia did one Sea of Thieves

gaming stream on Twitch. We got about 80.

So just wouldn't get any viewers.

Yeah, that was a fun stream. Me and Pia

did a lot of gaming back in 2022 to 2023.

We played Sea of Thieves, we played a lot

of Sons of the Forest when I was in

We built this little log cabin and then we

finished the main story. It was

quite fun actually.

I remember playing Minecraft with her when

I was married as well. She was helping me

build my house. And Chihiro had no idea it

was her. It was funny.

28 minutes.

The market looks like a snake. It's going,

trying to help me and you're ignoring me.

I'm not interested. I don't want to go to

America and do this thing where I've got a

50 to 1 chance of winning.

I don't want Ice's viewers.

I don't want to do IRL.

I hate IRL.

There's all sorts of boring streamers on

Kick. Yeah, but they, they have their own

viewers, don't they? Not Aysa's viewers.

I mean, Suspenders kind of just sits in

his house doing nothing most of the time.

How many viewers does he get now? A couple

I only get really motivated when there's

girls to have sex with, otherwise I'm just

not interested. That's the only thing

that gets me going.

Like, I might have actually gone to Canada

if that cake girl didn't flake.

No, the problem is if I try and do Kick,

it means I have to sacrifice doing

YouTube, and that's a bit of a gamble.

And I think multi-streaming is a waste of

time because if I multi-streamed on

YouTube and Kick, then you guys would just

watch on YouTube and not go to Kick.

Yeah, Homeless makes way better content

than I do. He actually goes out and talks

to people and has girls on and stuff. I

just sit in my room whining about money.

I can't compete with that.

Getting too old for this. He's a young guy

in his 20s. I'm like 36, pushing 37.

Maybe 10 years ago, things would be

different. I fell asleep in the garden

today like an old man.

I don't really think it's about what you

look like. When you're 36, you're 36.

You don't have the energy or the interest,

really.

No, I'm not back at my mum's house. This

is my house.

Yeah, after I sniped Ice in Thailand, I

did a few Kick streams thinking, oh, I

have new viewers now. And after all the

drama died off, I only had— I went back

down to like 40 viewers.

All the Ice viewers left and

I couldn't get my regular YouTuber

viewers. Most of them wouldn't come over

to Kick. Some did, just a

And I was making basically no money apart

from like a couple of dollars here and

there. And I thought, what's the point of

this? I did some IRL with Fasta. I

remember going to this like a— I don't

know, it was like a cafe theme park thing

with bubbles, like lots of bubbles flying

everywhere. Foam.

Don't know why you rejected his invite

because of the e-pack. I don't know,

mate. I just didn't really like getting

so much hate.

I guess it really isn't fun when everyone

hates you. Maybe— I guess I understand

What happened to the delivery job? I don't

know. Just one day I tried logging on,

said your account has been disabled. I

told the boss, he said he'll— he has sent

an inquiry. He doesn't know why I've been

banned. And then he never got back to me.

Yeah, so I ditched the Kick thing to come

back to YouTube because at least on

YouTube you guys actually like me,

whereas if I stuck with the Kick thing,

everyone hated me. And there was not

really any coming back from after what I

said about Deepak's stupid fucking mum.

Crybaby bitch.

I hate Deepak. Stupid little Indian midget

fuckface cunt.

I hate Deepak because they all love him so

D-Pat, go suck a nut, fucking moron.

I worked my backside off for nearly

10 years for my YouTube

channel to be a streamer. And then he just

gets it given on a silver spoon because

Ice thinks he looks funny.

He didn't put any work in, he was just

given it because he looks funny.

Pisses me off.

He didn't build a channel, he didn't build

a community, he didn't do fuck all.

That's what annoys me about him.

Yeah, and he was a scammer. He— the only

reason he met Ice was because he was

trying to scam Ice.

He's boring, he's not funny, he can barely

speak English. I don't know why Ice's

community loves him so much.

He tried scamming Jay Streazy. Yeah, Jay

Streazy's that guy with the hot Asian

girlfriend, isn't he? Miyochi.

18 minutes.

Jay Powell, tank the market, please.

I wonder what he's gonna say. He's gonna

say no rate cuts, and then he'll start

talking about June cuts, and then the

market might rally at the sound of June

cuts, and then he might hint at QE.

But I'm

hoping he's gonna be like really stubborn

and not listen to what Trump wants, and

the market crashes.

Could ICE become— could Daniel become part

of ICE's entourage? I think

everyone would either find me boring or

they would hate me, and then I would talk

shit about them, and then they would find

out, and then they would confront me, and

then I would back down and then talk more

shit about them on stream later. It would

be pretty funny, actually. I'll just back

down and try and de-escalate the

confrontation. I'll be like, I'm really

sorry, I didn't mean it. And then later on

stream, I'll be like, fucking idiot,

fucking moron. What are you gonna

do? And then they confront me again, I'll

be like, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it.

And then next stream I'll be like,

fucking moron, I actually believed I was

sorry. Haha, what a moron.

You want to see two-faced? I'll show you

two-faced. I'll show you three-faced.

You're a coward, you don't confront in

person. Yeah, because it's stupid to.

Why would you go into a head-to-head

battle when you can just wait for them to

fall asleep and then stab them with a

poison apple? That's my style. I was a

rogue in World of Warcraft. I'm always the

sneaky one.

No, I'm definitely not the type to get in

someone's face, but I will talk shit about

them behind their back.

That's always been my style.

No, it's not a yes. I'm not interested in

going to America.

And also, the ice clippers didn't even

clip the bit when I sniped him. Bunch of

pricks. They clip everyone else.

Where's my clip?

There was one channel that clipped me,

Sniping Ice, and then for some reason he

removed all his videos.

Like that clip channel, Clip Von Klaus or

something. Where's my clip? Stupid

long-haired looking freak. This stupid

intro. Why is it we watch these clips and

then the stupid intro is that stupid music

and him standing there? Fucking get on

with the fucking clip. I don't wanna see

this fucking loser. Clip Von whatever

the fuck. Gonna skip 5,

10 seconds ahead of every clip on his

channel.

As if anyone wants to see him. We want

to see the clip. Stupid intro.

I hate intros on YouTube. Like Marques

Brownlee, every time I click on his video,

I've got to skip ahead like 20 seconds.

So first 20 seconds is his stupid logo and

then his stupid robot arm camera thing

spinning around the product he's talking

about. Just Start talking, get on with it.

I didn't click this iPhone video to watch

a camera flying around the iPhone.

I just want to hear about if it's good or

not. I hate these YouTubers with their

stupid intros, or when they start the

video by saying, hey guys, my name's Jimmy

Woodplanks. I don't give a fuck what your

name is. I couldn't care less what your

name is. Why do you think we care what

your name is? Oh, hey, Tom Schofield here.

No one cares if you're Tim Schofield.

Shut up and start talking about the

product. Your channel name is literally

Tim Schofield. Why'd you have to introduce

every video with, hey guys, I'm Tim

Schofield? Yeah, we get it. You're Tim

fucking Schofield. Whatever.

No one cares. I hate these

weird pointless YouTube practices that

these big channels do, trying to

make it seem professional.

God, it's so annoying.

Hey, Tim Schofield here. Hey, I don't give

a fuck what your name is. Shut up.

Marcus Brownlee's intros are not— hey,

MKHBD here. What? What does that even

mean? MKHBD? I don't

even know what you're saying. MKHBD,

what? It's not even a name. Just say, hey

guys, that's fine. I don't even do a

hey guys. I just get right into talking.

God, I hate it when they introduce their

names in every video.

Hi, my name's Jim

Scriffage.

Really?

Oh, I'm about to do video. Yeah, I used to

This guy's so negative and toxic. Yeah,

well, fuck you, idiot. Get lost.

Never come back. Go away and never come

back, prick.

Is he gone already? Damn it, I should

have insulted him before he left.

Come back so I could tell you to fuck off,

idiot.

I'm gonna go on his channel and write a

comment. Fuck you.

See who has the last word. You think you

get the last word?

I get the last word, not you.

No, I didn't snipe Ice to get clout or

anything. I did it for fun. 'Cause I think

Ice is cool, so I wanted to see him in

real life. Yeah, I streamed it

as well, but I just did that for fun.

I did it for the passion.

Where's my girlfriend? She dumped me. No,

I dumped her, actually. She gave

me a choice and I chose YouTube. So

technically I dumped her, didn't I?

9 minutes. I was gonna watch Travelling

Trader stream. Maybe I'll watch his stream

on my stream.

I should put me in a boxing match versus

Deepak. That would be funny.

Holy crap, market's moving a

tiny bit. I'm gonna knock Deepak

out.

The problem is Deepak's so short and low

to the ground, it's hard to knock him down

because he's already so close to the

ground. He's anchored.

That's why dwarves are so powerful,

because they're thick and girthy.

I would not do well in a boxing match. I

saw that fat Asian guy fight the fat

Korean guy, and the fat Korean guy

destroyed the fat Asian guy. He was just

wailing on him like that. All you need is

like a few hits and then you can knock the

other guy off balance and then he can't

really recover from it. It's all

about pure aggression, isn't it? Which I

just don't have.

I remember Homeless getting destroyed by

Vexed as well. Boxing looks hard.

I would have to fight a girl for it to be

and even then I probably won't win.

Weirdest thing I did on OnlyFans?

Probably the spatula up the bum that got

me banned on Airbnb. Oh, there was one

Airbnb where I rummaged through the host's

closet and I found women's clothing,

like underwear and stuff. And then I wore

it and I came on the vagina patch, and

then I put it back in his closet. That was

hot. Wearing other women's

underwear kind of turns me on,

especially if it's dirty.

And then you just cum all over that patch

where the vagina goes and then rub it in.

6 minutes.

I don't know, in Germany Airbnbs are

weird. In Japan Airbnbs are like hotel

rooms basically, but in Germany it's

literally just some guy's house and he's

going on a trip, so he rents out his place

for Airbnb and he's got all his stuff

there. He's got his food there too. I

remember finding food in the fridge and I

thought it was for me. Yeah, German Airbnb

hosts are weird. Way too trusting.

I found his girlfriend's clothing and I

wanked all over it. That's why I'm

banned on Airbnb.

And then I had sex with German girl on

this other Airbnb host's sofa

and then got liquids all over it.

I don't know if he ever got out the cum

Powell's speech is at 2:30. Oh shit,

it's only 2 in 5 minutes. Damn it,

what's at 2? Oh, the Fed rate

announcement is at 2 and then his speech

is at 2:30. Yeah, I think it'll move

during the speech mostly.

I'm waiting for the speech.

I'm hoping the speech is going to push the

market down to

at least 30th of April lows.

Where that fair value gap is. And then the

next one below that would be the end dog,

which never got filled. We got the end dog

22nd of April. That'll be my next take

profit area. My first take profit area is

relative equal lows at 30th of April

on NASDAQ 1900.

I'll take profit once there, and then I'll

leave the other short to run until end

dog. That will net me £7,

100% gain.

I'm not going to watch it. I'm just

waiting for it so the market does

something. I'm watching my stocks.

I can already imagine what he's going to

Surely it's already priced in if everyone

already knows he's not going to lower

rates.

So it depends what he says during the

speech, really.

I'm hoping to do the barbecue tomorrow,

maybe. Just waiting for this windy,

cloudy weather to disappear. Friday,

Saturday— it says Thursday still cloudy.

Might have to wait until Friday then.

And then it's raining Sunday, Monday,

Tuesday. Had 2 nice days and

then it went back to being cold and

2 minutes.

Market's going down.

No, I didn't buy anything. There's a box

in the attic and

no one knows what's inside of it.

Do people actually watch your OnlyFans?

No, nobody does watch it, and I'm just

doing it for no reason at all. I've got

zero viewers. Of course people watch it.

Hundreds of people watch it and pay $10 a

I've made $40,000 on OnlyFans.

Yeah, they make requests like, can you

make a feet video? Oh my God. Oh, it's

going crazy. It's 2 PM.

What? It just went like that.

This is the fun bit.

If it rips up here, I've got a short

booked. If it crashes down here, I've got

a long booked.

Nothing's happening. It went and then it

went back to the middle. Boring.

What's Barrick Gold doing? Nothing great.

It's not doing anything.

Oh my God. So what did they announce?

Yeah, I gotta wait for the speech.

Travel and trade is life.

No, nothing's happening.

Why is traveling trader a manlet?

Do people know how tall he is?

Ho ho ho ho.

I'm hungry. I'll wait for the

speech and then make food. I'm gonna make

battered sausages.

No, we're not skyrocketing, we're tanking.

We've got SMC divergence, we've got the

death cross,

and it's May, which is one of the worst

months.

My entire portfolio relies on the market

tanking. I got shorts,

I got Barrick Gold.

Oh shit,

every day is exactly the same.

It's getting a bit boring. And I can't

believe how crazy my life was in Japan.

And now look at it. It was just wild,

wasn't it? Drama every day.

Hordes of fangirls.

No, my fangirls were never MILFs. They

were always young. I don't think I ever

had a fangirl who was over 30. They were

always 20-something.

Oh, market's coming down.

Dong dong dong dong dong dong.

I'm at nine pounds eighty nine. I reckon

it bounces a little on the previous day

low. I put a tiny long,

little long.

First move's always wrong. Yeah, when the

speech starts. So maybe it goes down and

then speech starts and then it goes up and

that's the wrong move. And then speech

ends and then it goes down again.

I think going up would be the manipulation

and then Oh, it's tanking now.

Whoa, is it going to trigger my long or

is it going to stop me out straight away?

Yeah, I'm going long and short at the same

time. I can't lose. I'll make money

when it goes— I'm at £10.25,

£10.30. Is it going to trigger my long?

Trigger my long.

Oh, it's going to trigger my long.

It triggered. I'll move the stop loss.

I'll move, um, move it so the max I lose

is 20 pence. But this is like a

quick little long,

so my, my long hedge is Triggered. Oh

fuck, I'm gonna lose the 20 pence. I'm

gonna get stopped out. Oh my God.

Oh, I got stopped out. I lost 20 pence.

Okay, well, I'm still— I'm up £2.

I guess it's not bouncing off previous day

lows unless that just sweeps liquidity.

Oh my God, I shouldn't have gotten stopped

If it breaks this level, it's a long way

down. There's nothing in between that.

Goddamn, I just lost 20 pence for nothing.

Maybe I re-enter.

It's just too crazy. What is going on? He

hasn't started talking. Holy crap, my

shorts are flying.

I think I don't try long this. I mean,

it could tank until the speech starts.

There's no way it's going to tank 3% in

20 minutes. That'll be insane.

So where's it going to level off and

bounce?

Imagine trying to trade this mess. Yeah,

well, I'm sticking with the long. I mean

the short,

but I want to see if I can get

like some quick long bounces.

I'm at £10.35.

We can't see chat. Yeah, because I ran out

of room on the screen.

Federal Reserve makes no cut and leaves

interest rates unchanged. So that

should tank the market, shouldn't it?

And then he'll start speaking and maybe

there'll be a relief rally, and then he'll

finish speaking and then he'll continue

tanking. I'm sticking with my shorts, I'm

not closing them.

God, it's annoying I lost that 20 pence

for nothing though.

I wonder what Travelling Trade is doing.

Let me just quickly check.

People just like you are claiming up to

£4,000. £4,000 from their cough.

We'll see what happens with,

with Jerome Powell today, but I'm very

curious to hear his answers on the

questions, questions of quantitative

tightening, quantitative easing,

quantitative of tightening because their

statement seemed very definitive, right?

They said we are not going to do any

quantitative easing.

I'm not really day trading, I'm swing

trading. I've been in the short since last

Let's see. I wonder if I can

get a long on NQ here. Yeah, that's what

I'm trying to do. That's what I'm trying

to do. I'm trying

to go along NASDAQ. I just

don't know where the entry is.

I want to see if we can get a long on NQ

here.

Thanks as always for joining us. Bob

Bassani is down at the New York Stock

Exchange for his swan song Fed reaction

here, Bob. And now we can throw some of

these headlines into the mix. Yeah, and

the initial reaction was really rather

muted. And then we got the China headline.

So that really, I think, changed things a

little bit. We were basically flat. New

headline. Negative. This statement is an

exercise in preparing for several

outcomes. I agree with Steve. It sort of

sounds stagflationary, but he's looking on

both sides of this thing. When I talk to

people the last 2 days, most people down

here are more worried about growth than

inflation. They're worried about drying up

the tourist business or inventory

drawdown.