The French girlfriend

5 years ago, I was in a relationship with

this French girl that I met in Japan in

the guest house. She was, um, actually

Thai. She was born in Thailand. Her

parents were Thai, but her mother gave her

up for adoption, and this French couple

adopted her and brought her back to France

and raised her as a French girl. To be

honest, the first time I saw her, I wasn't

really impressed. She had a nice face.

She was kind of cute, but she was really

chubby and I didn't really feel like I was

attracted to her very much. But we started

to spend more and more time together, and

there was this one day when me, her, and

her bisexual Japanese friend— this

Japanese guy— the 3 of us were in her room

just chatting and hanging out, and the

Japanese guy decided to go back to his

room to go to sleep, and it was just me

and her. And we were playing Angry Birds,

and we were both on the bed, and And she

was lying next to me. She just fell asleep

on my arm, and I wasn't really sure what

to do, so I didn't get up. I just lied

there, and I also fell asleep. And then we

woke up the next morning, and I was

overcome with, like, sexual urges,

and I just started kissing her, and I

started to take off my clothes to initiate

sexual intercourse, but she stopped me

because On that very day, I had my

interview at the convenience store. So she

stops me, she said that I should go and

get ready for my interview. So nothing

happened. I went for the interview, I

passed, I got the job, came back, and then

in the evening we had sex for the first

time. And that was how the relationship

started. I didn't really say anything

like, I really like you, will you be my

girlfriend? It just naturally fell into

place. We just ended up having sex every

night. And we never really said anything

like, we're in a relationship.

We kind of— we never even told anyone in

the guesthouse. We tried to keep it a

secret, which I found was kind of weird.

If people directly asked us if we were

seeing each other, if we were in a

relationship, we would just say no and

laugh awkwardly. But pretty much everyone

had guessed that we were in a

relationship, that we were a couple. At

the beginning of the relationship,

everything was great, like most

relationships are. The sex was great, it

was intimate. She would, she would pay a

lot of attention to me. We would eat

together, she would cook meals for me. It

was, it was amazing, it was great. But

after about a few weeks, things started to

go downhill. After a few weeks, she would

completely ignore me during the day.

During the day, she would spend all her

time with other people in the guesthouse,

just talking and chatting to them. And I

didn't really mix with other people. I

used to just kind of sit in the corner

studying Japanese or playing on my phone,

and I felt like she was ignoring me. I

felt really irritated that she wasn't

spending time with me. She wasn't paying

attention to me. As a super needy and

insecure guy, I just can't handle it when

my girlfriend doesn't treat me like the

most important person in the world. At

first it was okay, it wasn't too bad. I

felt like, okay, so she wants to spend

some time with her friends, that's okay.

But as the days went by, I started to get

more and more irritated and frustrated,

and I couldn't handle the jealousy. I

couldn't keep my jealousy under control,

and I would lash out at her. I would say

things like, why do you treat me like an

invisible person? Why don't you ever spend

any time with me downstairs during the

day? How come you always ignore me? And I

would say things like, I hate you, you're

the worst girlfriend ever. And then after

10 minutes, I would calm down and I'd say,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I

was just angry, it won't happen again. At

first, she actually found it quite cute

that I was so jealous, and she said that

she was happy that I was jealous because

it meant that I cared about her. But after

a few days, after a few weeks, the

jealousy got more and more intense and it

started to become a problem. There were a

few American guys and this Spanish guy

that she was really chummy with, and they

were really physical and touchy kind of

people. They would massage her and tickle

her and like play around, and she would

enjoy it. She would laugh and she would

look like she was having a really good

time, and I used to absolutely hate it. I

hated these American guys and this Spanish

guy. I hated them so much. I was so

Jealous. I wanted to tell her, "Can you

stop doing that? I don't. I don't feel

comfortable when you're so touchy with

these guys." She just said that they were

her friends and that she could do what she

wanted, and she didn't really make any

effort to change or to tell them to stop

touching her so much. There was this

Spanish guy, and I didn't quite understand

what the situation was. I think that her

mum was interested in speaking.

Interested in learning Spanish, so she

would like connect the Spanish guy and her

mum together and they would talk about

stuff. I don't know what they were talking

about, but I, I've noticed on her phone

she would keep getting messages from the

Spanish guy and they kept like texting

each other. And every time I asked her

what they were talking about, or if I

tried to look at her phone, she would hide

her phone or she would just say they were

talking about nothing. She would always be

really protective over her phone. If I

tried to touch it or look at it, she would

snatch it away and stop me from looking at

it. I started to get more and more

suspicious, and there's this one time we

were lying in bed together, and then the

phone suddenly beeped and she got a

message from that Spanish guy. And I

grabbed the phone and I tried to look at

it, and she tried grabbing the phone back

from me, and we kind of wrestled. We got

pretty physical. I was trying to snatch

the phone, she was trying to snatch it

back off me, and her fingernails were

pretty long and she accidentally scratched

my neck and I was bleeding pretty badly.

So I let go of the phone and I went back

to my room. She followed me with some

tissues and she tried to clean up the

blood, and I was just so angry. I

couldn't, I couldn't control my emotions

anymore. I just snapped. I said, I'm gonna

throw this effing phone out the window if

you don't tell me what you're talking

about. And after, after I calmed down and

she tended my wound, I said, maybe it's

better if we broke up. And she said she

agreed. But the weird thing is that even

after we broke up, we continued sleeping

together for another 2 weeks. I tried to

stay in my own room. I tried to stay away

from her. I tried to sleep in my own room,

but she would start banging on the door

outside and and I had to open the door

because she was making so much noise, and

she would literally grab my arm and drag

me back to her room. She said she was

lonely and upset and she wanted to sleep

with me, so I just gave in and we ended up

sleeping together even though we had

broken up. It was really strange. There

was this one time when she went to the

toilet and I snuck into her room and I

looked on her laptop. I went onto her

Facebook, onto her messages, and I read

all the messages that she had been sending

between her and the Spanish guy. They were

all in French or Spanish or something, so

I had to use Google Translate. I didn't

really understand what the message was

because— I didn't really understand what

they were saying because Google Translate

is completely rubbish. But there was

nothing sexual about the messages. There

was no, like, flirty conversations.

Actually, nearly all of the conversations

were about me. The name Daniel kept coming

up, and she was saying things like, oh,

Daniel said this today, Daniel said that

today. I feel so angry, so upset. It was

just her complaining about me to the

Spanish guy, and the Spanish guy was just

being a friend and listening to her

problems. I felt really guilty. I felt bad

that I suspected that she was cheating on

me because she would go to his room and

they would spend hours talking. And I'm

guessing that she was just like moaning

about me to him. I actually felt

disappointed that there was no sexual

conversations, that she wasn't cheating on

me, because it meant that my suspicions

weren't justified. It meant that I was

wrong. Anyway, things were going really

badly at my job in Japan. I was really

depressed and unhappy. I hated so many

people at the guesthouse because I had

this jealousy, and the relationship was

just a complete disaster. After 5 months

on my working holiday visa in Japan,

I decided to, to go to Korea.

My American friend, he told me that I was

being stupid. He came to my room, we had a

nice chat, just the two of us. I told him

my problems. He said that I shouldn't just

throw everything away just because of a

girl, that I should just go and look for a

different job and try harder. But I was

just so fed up. I had no more

determination or motivation to stay in

Japan anymore. I was really disappointed

about everything. I was intending to stay

in Japan for a whole year, and after 5

months, I, I just had enough. I wanted to

leave so badly. I ended up going— I ended

up going back to Korea to see my

ex-girlfriend, and I stayed with her. And

that was that. That was how it ended. I

told the French girl that I was going to

Korea to see my ex. She wasn't happy. She

was really upset. She started drinking

loads of alcohol. She started to get drunk

and just like crying and weeping in her

room. I think I really hurt her feelings,

and I felt really bad about that. On the

day that I left Japan, I had packed all my

things. I knocked on her door. I went in,

I said, I'm leaving today. We kissed for

the last time and I left. I left the

guesthouse. Her— the bisexual Japanese

guy, he took me to the airport. It was

actually a pretty shitty day. It was

snowing, it was really cold. Some idiot

committed suicide on the train tracks, so

all the trains were delayed. All the

trains— we had to take a different train

to the train to the airport, and it was

really confusing. And that was the story

about my French girlfriend. There were a

few good times at the beginning. She used

to work at this baking company, Japanese

baking company, in a supermarket— no,

a shopping mall. And I used to go with her

to help her set up. She had to set up like

a stall where she sold her cakes and

pastries, and it was quite interesting. I

think the main problem was that I saw

other couples in the guest house And the

other couples were completely different.

They would always be together, they would

always eat their meals together, they

would always spend time together. And I

looked at them and I thought to myself,

why aren't we like that? I want that. I

want a girlfriend who, who sits by me,

who pays attention to me, who talks to me.

I don't want— I don't like having this

girlfriend who completely ignores me and

treats me like an invisible person during

the day. She said that she spends all

night with me, so she wanted to spend the

day with her friend. She said that she

can't spend all day and all night with me,

which kind of made sense, but I still

wasn't really happy with it. This is one

of the reasons why I don't like girls that

are really social and have lots of friends

and always hanging out with friends. I

feel like I'm too insecure and needy to be

able to handle that. I want a girlfriend

that spends the majority of her time with

me, who treats me like a really important

person in her life. I don't really know if

I've matured much since then. I think that

if I had another girlfriend who was just

like her, I would still feel really

jealous and frustrated if she was spending

time with her friends all the time and

made me feel insignificant. Maybe this is

why I prefer older women, because in

general, older women, they're not as

socially active as younger girls. This

French girl was actually the only

girlfriend that I had who was younger than

me. And I think that I prefer older women

because they're not always going out with

friends, they're not always socializing.

They seem to prioritize their partners

more. They tend to have a smaller social

circle than younger girls do. I think that

I feel like my emotional needs are more

satisfied with older women. I think that

the last time I spoke to her was a few

years ago when You know those mass

killings happened in Paris, those

terrorist attacks? I messaged her asking

if she was okay, and I just said, stay

safe, or something like that. And that was

it. That was the last time I spoke to her.

I don't know what she's doing now. I think

she came to the UK a few times to visit,

but she never contacted me.