I found a lump on my right testiclé

Hey, so a few years ago when I was

checking myself down below, I discovered a

small lump on my right testicle. And the

reason why I ignored it and I didn't get

it checked out, I didn't go to a hospital

or anything, was mainly because the idea

of some doctor guy touching me down there

kind of grossed me out. And I guess I was

also kind of worried that if he touched

me down there and I got an erection, does

it mean I'm gay? And I was also kind of

worried that it might actually be cancer,

you know, testicular cancer. Could be a

possibility if you have a lump on your

testicle. That's kind of what it could be.

And I did some Googling, and a lot of

people were saying that just because you

have a lump on your testicle doesn't

necessarily mean that it's cancer. It

could be something else like a vein or a

piece of tissue— not tissue paper, but

like Tissue as in flesh. So I guess I just

convinced myself that it's it's not cancer

because it doesn't hurt and it's been a

few years since I discovered it and

nothing's happened. It's not the lump

hasn't gotten bigger. There's no pain

developing. So maybe it's nothing to worry

about. If I could, I would like to get it

checked out. I would like to find out what

it is. But like I said before, I really

don't want some guy. Touching my genitals

is just weird, and it would be so

embarrassing if I suddenly got an

erection. If it was a nurse doing it and I

got an erection, I wouldn't really mind.

Well, actually, that would be pretty

embarrassing as well. And even if I wanted

to get myself checked out, I don't think I

could in Japan because I don't have

medical insurance here in Japan. If I

broke my arm and had to go to a hospital,

I would have to pay a lot of money to get

it fixed because I don't have insurance,

and I don't really know how it works here

in Japan. In England, I could get free

medical care because, you know, we have

the NHS. I'm not really sure what they

have in Japan. I haven't looked it up.

And one of the main reasons why I don't

really want to do anything kind of risky

like snowboarding or cycling or anything

that involves too much physical activity

is because I don't want to injure myself

and then have to go to hospital. Hospital

and then have to pay a really expensive

medical bill. That kind of frightens me.

Sometimes I worry, what if I break my leg

or an arm? What would I do? I'd have to go

to hospital, or I could just try and fix

it myself. How difficult could it be to

fix a broken bone? You just have to make

sure it sets straight and you don't move

it, and then it should heal by itself.

I don't understand why the doctor has to

touch the lump anyway. I know there's a

lump there because I can feel it. Why

can't I just tell the doctor, hey, I have

a lump. Would you mind not touching it?

Because I know there's a lump there. You

touching it as well and finding out that

there's a lump isn't really going to help

things. Can't you just put me in the

scanning thing and then find out if it's

cancer or not, or if it's just nothing?

Is it really necessary for you to touch

me? I don't even know if you can die from

testicular cancer if you just ignore it.

What's the worst that could happen? If the

worst that could happen is I just become

unable to make children, then I don't

really care. That actually sounds like a

good thing. But if you said that I would

die if I, if I left it untreated, then I

guess I would have no choice but to get it

checked out. This kind of reminds me of

when me and my ex-girlfriend got

chlamydia, and my ex-girlfriend had to go

and get it— get herself checked out at the

hospital. She was Japanese, and she

described to me what they did, and it was

really weird. She said she had to take off

her underwear and her knickers and her

trousers, and she had to spread her legs,

and they put a camera up there, and the

doctor was touching around. And I didn't

know how to feel about that. I mean,

yeah, he's a doctor, but he's also a man,

and he was touching my girlfriend's

vagina. I bet secretly he

absolutely loves his job, or maybe he

hates it. After you've seen 50

vaginas a day, maybe you don't really care

about it anymore. It's just like a piece

of flesh to you. So I guess I have 2

questions. Are there any guys here who

also found a lump on their testicles and

went to get it checked out? What was it?

Was it cancer? Was it nothing? What was

the experience like? Did the doctor touch

you? Did he touch you for long? Was it

over really quickly? And my second

question would be, if you're a foreigner

living in Japan, what kind of medical

insurance do you have? Because I think I

should look into getting some sooner or

later. I'm going to have to go to the

hospital. Luckily, so far I've never had

to go to the hospital before, but I'm not

getting any younger. One of these days

something's going to happen to me where I

really need medical care, and if I don't

have insurance I don't know what would

happen. Maybe I could just fly home

quickly to England to use the free

healthcare we have. I don't know if I'm

allowed to do that. Do they let people

onto planes if they have a broken leg?

This is what the sausage looks like.

Whoa! Sorry, I dropped you there.

It's not very stable here.

Um, we'll have 2 sausages. I might be able

to eat the whole pack of sausages

actually. They've packed it really weirdly

because there were 2 sausages in here and

then there's a 3rd one that's packed,

wrapped in plastic separately, and I'm not

sure how to get it out.

Okay, so the next step is we can slice

these into half.

It'd be nice if I had some bread, I could

make a sausage sandwich.

I'm gonna drop the phone again, I can feel

it. See it moving. Oh no, should have used

your tripod. It'd be great if they made

phones that had like a little stand on the

back, like a little kickstand, you know,

like the Nintendo Switch has. Just a tiny

little plastic thing that sticks out would

be great to help prop it up.

No, they're all too worried about making a

nice fancy glass metal design,

and then people get phone cases and cover

the whole thing up, making it completely

pointless. Apart from me, I don't use

phone cases because I like to appreciate

the design of the phone, especially the

iPhone. They put so much effort into

making a beautiful phone, and you put a

phone case onto it and it just seems like

a waste. Anyway. Finished cutting

the sausages, or the sausages as they like

to say in French, and we're just gonna

wipe my hands and then put it into the

The next step is we're going to turn on

the oven— I mean the grill— I mean the gas

stove to gas mark. Well, there's only one

mark. It's not even a mark, it's just a

little— I don't know what this is called.

A knob that you twist. So the fire is

on, as you can see. Now we're gonna put

the sausages. Should I use a spatula?

Yeah, I'll use a spatula. And we'll

just— whoops, this one closed up.

You can see this is proper pork meat, not

that frankfurter crap. Now quickly, I want

to put the fire down to a low heat,

otherwise the outside of the sausage is

going to burn and then the middle of the

sausage isn't going to cook properly.

So put it on to a low heat and you might

want to turn your ventilation fan on or

the whole place will stink up. The

sausage. Can you hear that

sizzling? Three sausages sizzling

in the pan. Three sausages sizzling

in the pan. Who knows that song? Come on,

sing along with me.

As you can see, the sausages are. Cooking

nicely. We're gonna give it a little bit

of an inspection. Oh, it's starting to

burn. That was quick. Shit,

I didn't think it would, it would cook so

quickly because I have the fire on the

lowest setting. Maybe it can go lower,

I'm not sure.

Oh, it's very pretty. Looks like a W.

W for winner.

One for you and one for me.

Yes.

And we'll put some here just in case we

need a bit extra. This bottle is so

annoying to use. Why can't they just make

it out of normal plastic? Look, the

plastic they use for this bottle is so

weak. You give it a squeeze and it just

crumples like this. A proper Heinz ketchup

bottle would not be so pathetically weak.

Absolute rubbish. Dinner is served,

but it's not dinner, it's actually lunch.

Today we feast. Look at that,

looks delicious, doesn't it?