my girlfriend broke down in tears last night

Hello? Why are people saying you

finally admit it? Admit what?

What are you talking about?

When you go live, it says a message. I'm

lesbian.

Really? I wrote my girlfriend broke down.

Oh, the live notification says I'm gay. I

didn't know that. When did I write that?

So that's why I got so many viewers so

quickly, because I wrote I'm gay in the

notification. I think I

wrote that ages ago.

Well, unfortunately you've been baited

because I'm not gay yet.

If I get 100 viewers, I will go gay.

@everyonestreaming Now,

okay, finally finished my new video for my

second review of Harry Potter. I think

I'll post it tomorrow.

Hopefully this time this stupid game

doesn't crash because that really killed

my mojo.

Crashed twice yesterday. I fiddled around

with the settings and

I think I've improved the frame rate a

little bit. So for the settings,

can you see this? Yeah, you can. I've also

got a frame rate indicator at the top left

in green. So I put NVIDIA Reflex

low latency on plus boost, frame rate

uncapped, turn V-Sync off,

graphical fidelity— I might set it to low

for the stream, but it said recommended

medium. So everything's on low, ray

tracing off, should be pretty smooth.

Well, better than yesterday. And NVIDIA

DLSS balanced, although I could put it on

performance to get better FPS, or maybe

ultra performance. I don't know how much

graphical fidelity I want to sacrifice.

As long as it's smooth and doesn't crash,

that'd be great. My horse

video, I haven't posted it yet. I think

I'll post it Well, I want to do a YouTube

livestream tomorrow before the weekend.

Wait, today's Thursday. Yeah, so I do a

YouTube livestream tomorrow before the

weekend and then post a horse video over

the weekend. My plan for this week.

Today we'll do Harry Potter stream,

Hogwarts Legacy.

How are things with the wife? Which one?

My ex-wife.

I don't know, she hasn't said or done

anything, the ex-wife, to talk about.

She's gone completely silent.

She's scared I'll make more money using

her name.

I wonder how much money in total I made

off Chihiro. I must have made like

$100,000 at this point. How many wife and

ex-wife videos do I have?

Can't wait for the horse video. It's not

that interesting. I just say the police

came because I said something about horse.

Oh no, why is my bitrate dropping?

I got triple connections.

3 connections.

No bitrate dropping. Unstable connection.

Low memory.

Why would I have low bitrate?

Uh, don't know.

Everyone's playing this damn game now.

I think it had a million viewers on Twitch

for Hogwarts Legacy. Why can't I get any

of that juice? Why don't I only have like

20 viewers? Ah, it's not

fair. Everyone and their mum is making

Hogwarts Legacy content and getting crazy

views, and I'm not even getting like 1K

views on my Harry Potter stuff. So

frustrating. I don't know why. Why is this

happening to me? Every time a big game

comes out, I usually get some views for

doing like do not buy reviews, but for

some reason none of my Hogwarts Legacy

videos are getting search result views. I

go into analytics and search result

usually makes up a large percentage of the

views, but it's like it's just being

algorithmically suppressed. It's being

It's really weird. It's like YouTube is

suppressing negative videos about Hogwarts

I made one video called Why Hogwarts

Legacy Will Be Terrible, and it looked

like it was going to get good views. The

lines were going straight up, and then

after 6 hours it just flattens out like it

got Stopped.

And then the YouTube search is only 3%.

And the highest search term is not even

Hogwarts Legacy, it's Expert Review Zone.

More people are searching my channel to

watch the video than people searching for

Hogwarts Legacy. Hogwarts Legacy makes up

10% of the search results and 10% of

3%. And it's nothing. It's like 10 views.

So I don't know why my Hogwarts Legacy

videos are not getting any exposure to

Hogwarts Legacy people. So annoying.

This has never happened before.

I made a Dark Souls Remastered review,

got 10K views. Dead Space review, 5K

views. Those aren't great views, But at

least it's like a couple thousand.

Try FPS boosting software. Well, it

already has that built in. It's called

upscaling. Use the Nvidia upscaling DLSS

to boost the FPS.

Maybe they're going to other people. No,

it doesn't. I don't believe that there's

such thing as oversaturation, cuz there

were like a million people making Elden

Ring videos, but I still got like 800K

plus 100K, 200K from my Elden Ring videos.

There's billions of people on YouTube.

There's enough people to go around. It

doesn't matter how many videos there are.

I've seen people with like 5K subs getting

100K views making Hogwarts Legacy videos.

It's so weird. So I

made another review, just finished it

today. I'm gonna post it tomorrow because

the official release date of Hogwarts

Legacy is the 10th. I think this weird

staggered release date is messing me up

because usually a game has one release

date, but this game has like so many

different release dates and people have

early access. Depending which console they

bought it on, or if they bought the deluxe

version. It's just a mess. It's been

a complete disaster for me. I thought this

game would be like my next Elden Ring,

get me like 100k views at least, give me

some big views. It's just been terrible.

Now I'm down $72. My videos are

total have made me about $15. So it's like

$1 per video. If I have

to make 70 bloody videos about this stupid

game to break even, then I will.

Hopefully the Twitch stream from yesterday

and today will make like $40. I'm not

paying for this game. Some way or another,

I'm gonna get fucking YouTube or Twitch to

pay for it. I ain't paying shit, bro.

YouTube's paying for it. I don't care if I

have to make 100 fucking videos that only

get 500 views. If they all make a dollar

each, it'll make $100. Think I'm paying

for this shit game? Suck my dick,

Warner Bros. Not paying for this.

Fucking YouTube.

One way or another, YouTube's paying for

everything. I don't care what I

have to do. I'm making

an OnlyFans jerking off onto my main

character's face if I have to. I think I'm

paying for this bollocks.

Fucking 500 views, suck my dick. Dick. JK

Rowling. Ugh, I hate YouTube so much.

Why can't they give me some fucking views?

How many videos do I have to make about

the same thing before I get some views?

Why am I not getting search results?

My new transgender video has— oh

my god, it has search results,

5 views from search results. And the

search results were transgender and Chef

Daniel, JK Rowling trans. And there's only

5 views. The hell?

What's your graphics card? Uh, RTX 3060.

I'm so pissed off with these lackluster

views. My PewDiePie video is getting great

views. It's got like 15k views now.

I just don't get it. Tomorrow's my last,

my last attempt, last-ditch attempt with

my new video review.

What's my bitrate like? You need better

thumbnail. I thought my thumbnails were

good. I got very bright yellow text

with the Hogwarts Legacy logo, picture of

the character.

The main channel review only got like 4K

views. I don't think any of that has

search result views either. It's just my,

my usual viewers watching it.

That one made, uh, $9.55 for 4K

views. It's got 11% YouTube search.

66% of that was hiding in my room.

Only, only 7% is from Hogwarts Legacy

search results. So 7% of 12%.

12% of 4K is like 500.

So 7% of 500 is like less

than 50. Less than 50 views from search

results of Hogwarts Legacy. I don't get

it. Why am I not getting search results?

So weird. YouTube can be so irritating

sometimes.

Anyway, I'm going to title the new review

Why I Regret Buying Hogwarts Legacy, and

then I'll do one more called Why I Hate

Hogwarts Legacy. I'll probably make that

next week when I have more things to

complain about. Maybe I'll do why I love

Hogwarts Legacy. What did I do differently

this time compared to Elden Ring?

Nothing. I did exactly the same thing. Do

not buy, why the game sucks, same kind of

thumbnail style.

I have no idea.

Yeah, I guess it was just luck.

I don't know how much bigger Elden Ring

was than Hogwarts Legacy in terms of

popularity. Maybe,

maybe the algorithm is now suppressing

negative titles. I don't know. Stupid

laptop keeps static shocking me. I touch

it. Okay, it's hot, but it's not hot

enough to burn me. But when my elbow is

resting on my desk and it gets very close

to the edge of my laptop, it really hurts

like someone stabbing me with a needle.

I'm like, ow, it fucking hurts. Why does

it keep static shocking me? I don't get

it. And it's like on my elbow. If I use my

fingertip, bring it very close to the edge

of the laptop, nothing happens. But when I

use my elbow, because it's rubbing on the

desk, I don't understand.

If any of you guys have like a YouTube

channel, I give you permission to download

my Hogwarts Legacy video and re-upload it.

I won't copyright strike you or anything.

Just want to see if, if anyone can get

that video to blow up. Just download it,

re-upload it with the same title.

If you can get more views than I can,

I don't know, I'll give you $10.

Maybe my channel is shadowbanned or

something. Maybe just upload it on all of

my My burner channels.

I'm sick and tired of this stupid

algorithm shit. Fucking YouTube.

I thought this game was gonna get me big

views this year. Guess not.

It's so annoying seeing everyone else

getting amazing views playing this and I

got shit views.

xQc is not playing it anymore. Maybe the

trend is over already. He's playing FIFA

now. Maybe have better luck

with the next game.

So last night my girlfriend started

crying.

So last night? Because,

because I'm gonna have to leave soon.

Well, not soon, it's still like 5 or 6

weeks away, but I think she's starting to,

to think more and more of me not being

around. And she's sad about it,

which is annoying because it makes me feel

guilty. I don't want to feel guilty. I

don't like having to be responsible for

someone's happiness, but I guess that's

what being in a relationship is about.

She looks after my happiness, I gotta look

after hers.

So she came home, she was like, oh, I

don't want you to leave me. I don't want

to live here alone. Why are you going

to let me be alone? I'm gonna have to

sleep in this bed alone. It's the first

time we're gonna be apart. Don't make

me feel bad.

This was always inevitable. The only way

for me to not leave is if I signed up for

a school quickly before I have to leave,

quickly get the student visa processed.

But I don't want to go to a school. I

don't mind paying the money, it's pretty

cheap, like £600 for a year, which is very

good value for money. But then I have to

go to a stupid school every day, and it'll

be like morning to afternoon. I won't be

able to do anything. So get home before 5

PM. So how am I gonna make videos or

stream when I'm going to school 5 days a

week? I don't really want to learn Thai

either, so I'm gonna have to like force

myself to learn it. You can't really force

yourself to learn things. You have to want

to learn it, and I honestly don't want to

learn Thai. I couldn't care less about

learning Thai. I don't want to talk to

Thai people. I don't need to talk to Thai

people. I'm not interested in being part

of society here. I just live in my own

little bubble world.

So not knowing Thai doesn't really

affect me much.

And Thai looks like a pain in the backside

to learn. The alphabet— I don't even know

what the alphabet is. It's like a load of

squiggles, and there's all these different

tones. Apparently the language is one of

the hardest languages to learn as well,

and you have to learn it. You can't just

like go to school and not pay attention.

If you fail these tests they do every few

months, they'll think, oh, he's not taking

it seriously, and then you could actually

get banned from the country if they think

that you're just learning it so you can

get a visa.

You also have to go to immigration every

90 days to do like a routine checkup.

I don't know what they do to make sure

you're doing it properly, I guess.

Things are cheaper if you speak Thai.

Yeah, I guess so. I keep getting ripped

off in taxis because I'm a foreigner.

If my girlfriend's with me, they don't rip

us off because she's Thai. It's weird,

isn't it? Imagine doing that in England.

You'd get in trouble if you got found out

you're ripping off, scamming foreigners

and tourists.

So yeah, I don't know what she wants

me to do. She wants me to not go to Japan

and apply to a school. Maybe if the school

was just a few days a week, maybe I would

consider it. But I'm so busy. I got

streams to do, I got videos to make. I

don't have time to go to a school and

learn something I don't care about. And

I've already booked my ticket to Japan.

I don't really want to go to Japan, to be

honest. It's gonna be expensive and

boring. The only reason

I'd want to go to Japan is if I can get a

better girlfriend there. But my current

state of mind is not really sociable.

My current state of mind is I need to

focus on making YouTube stuff and content

and streams, not, oh, I want to go on 100

dates a week with Japanese women. I don't

know if I really want to go on dates when

I'm in Japan. I don't know if I really

want to make friends either. I just want

to do my thing and like make videos,

maybe get a bicycle, do some streaming. I

don't have time for all this stupid dating

nonsense. And if I get

a Japanese girlfriend, it'll just be so

hard to have 2 girlfriends at the same

time. I'm going to have to get rid of one.

It'll be very difficult to have a secret

girlfriend because the Thai girl is going

to constantly want to phone and talk. And

if I keep saying, oh, I'm busy tonight,

she'll get suspicious. So either I'm going

to have to block her or focus

on her and not try to have a secret

girlfriend. I tried to have a secret

girlfriend in England. I had that British

girlfriend. I went on one date after I got

back from Malaysia with my British

girlfriend number 2. And just because I

went on the date and didn't message the

Thai girl all day, she freaked out and she

was spamming my messages, spamming my

phone. She was crying. She was sending

me voice messages crying just

because I didn't reply for a few hours

because I was on a date. So it's gonna be

very difficult having a secret Japanese

girlfriend. I would have to commit to

either one or the other or risk losing

both. Now, how can I phone the

Thai girl and If I've— if I'm on a date

with a Japanese girl, if I'm just

disappearing for hours on end in the

evening on dates, the Thai girl is gonna

get suspicious.

She knows I don't do anything apart from

sit at home all day playing games, so I

can't really say, oh, I'm out with

friends. That would be so out of

character.

So yeah, very tricky to figure out what I

want to do in Japan. I kind of want to

date Japanese women.

I do miss Japanese women a bit.

Watching Ice's streams, the way he talks

to Japanese women makes me miss them a

If I stay at a guesthouse, I can easily

talk to Japanese women, I guess. But

usually Japanese women at guesthouses are

kind of ugly. It's very rare to have an

attractive Japanese girl at a guesthouse.

Also, I'm wondering if the guesthouse

manager would Google me and then find my

channel. And then refuse to let me live

there because I talk shit about everyone I

meet. I don't know if they're gonna

do like a background check.

I still can't decide where I want to stay

in Japan. Do I want to live in a

guesthouse or get myself an apartment?

That'll be more expensive. Or maybe

experiment in a capsule hotel for a week

or to.

I can't decide. Time is ticking. The clock

is ticking. I need to decide soon and book

I told her, don't worry, we'll just be

apart for a few weeks. I'll apply for a

new visa whilst I'm in Japan. So she

thinks I'm just gonna be in Japan for a

few weeks. Really, I want to be in Japan

for a few months to do some

stuff, see if life is better in Japan. If

I feel happier in Japan, if I feel like I

got more freedom, I've got more social

opportunities, life is more varied in

Japan, maybe I just want to stay in Japan.

And do Japanese stuff because being in

Thailand is nice and everything, but I

honestly don't care about anything Thai

related or being in Bangkok. People must

think I'm weird. They must think, you're

in Thailand, why are you just sitting in

your house playing video games? Why don't

you go out? Because I've already went out

the first few months I was here. I went to

all the touristy places already, like the

temples, the markets. I've done all that.

After you've done it once, you don't

really want to do it again, do you?

All the temples are the same, all the

markets are the same, they all sell the

same stuff. It's all just like squid,

dried squid, mango stuff,

coconuts. It's all the same. I don't want

to buy a coconut, I don't want a dried

squid, none of that stuff interests me.

If you got your girlfriend preggo, would

you stay with her or run away? I don't

know. Very difficult. I don't

want to feel guilty. Feeling guilty sucks.

When you're in a bad mood or when you're

feeling depressed and down, the guilt

creeps up on you, makes you cry in

your lowest moments. All those things that

made you feel guilty start creeping up on

I think Japan's way more interesting just

to walk around and more pleasant to walk

around. Bangkok's not a great place to

walk around. Everywhere is very— there's

just so much traffic. And then if you get

away from the busy roads, you get to these

like weird creepy roads where it's

all these big lizards roam about and these

dogs start chasing you and barking at you.

So it's not a nice place to walk around.

The traffic is just insane. I don't

remember the traffic ever being this bad

in Japan because

a lot of people just use the train in

Japan. If you live in a city, I reckon

more people use public transport and

trains than cars in Japan.

I don't know why Southeast Asian people

dislike public transport so much,

but then I think about how nice

my apartment here is and how cheap it is

and how expensive it would be to have a

similar quality of life in Japan. I would

be paying at least 4 times more to get

myself an apartment. I found a few

apartments. I found one for about £1,050,

which is— it is reasonable, I guess.

Still very expensive.

And I don't really think it's in a great

place either. Where is it? Let me check.

Now some of these capsule hotels are like

£1,000 for a month. So I thought capsule

hotels were supposed to be cheap. This

first cabin place that I made a video in

before, £1,000 for a month?

I mean, that place is quite nice to live

in. I've been inside of those capsules and

they are very luxurious, and the shower

rooms are very nice— private shower rooms,

not like an open shower room. So I would

definitely be okay living there. But where

would I make videos and stream and stuff?

I would have to go outside all the time.

So I'm not looking forward to next month.

Big life changes happening. Got to make

some decisions. Big decisions I

need to make next month or the month

after. I can lie to her and say, oh, I'll

just be here for a few weeks whilst I'm

applying for a visa. I think I could apply

for another tourist visa for another

90 days.

Where's that apartment? Oh my god, £800 a

month for a capsule hotel, or £650.

This capsule hotel looks quite nice, it's

only £650 a month. Oh,

capsule room for female.

£2,000 for this one-bedroom apartment.

I think March is a really bad time to go

to Japan. Everything's more expensive

because of the cherry blossoms, cherry

tree blossoming, hanami. For some

reason, Japanese people love hanami. I

don't understand what's so great about

hanami. You just sit and on the floor on a

plastic blue sheet under

a cherry tree and you have a picnic. When

I used to stay in guesthouses, that was

like a massive event. Hanami party,

bring your own beer. It was like a big

social event.

People love it in Japan during Hanami. So

boring. You go there and you sit on this

blue tarp Drinking beer and you eat bento.

I went there a few times with the

guesthouse people. I always end up just

leaving on my own early because it's so

boring. Do I feel bad about

what you're doing? Yeah, a little bit,

because she's gonna cry and she's gonna be

sad, and that's my fault.

I wish she was stronger as— I wish she was

more emotionally strong as a woman.

My Korean ex-girlfriend, she was fine. We

did this on and off for 5 years. I would

go and live with her for 3 months, go to

Japan for a few months, go home for a few

months, and then see her again the next

year. The Korean girlfriend never cried.

But the Korean girlfriend did say that

after I cheated on her the first time,

she felt emotionally closed off to me.

But then for some reason, she kept letting

me stay with her for 3 months for 5 years.

And we did have sex, just not a lot of

sex. She never really wanted to have sex.

I had to, like, beg her to have sex. When

we were together in the guest house back

in 2010, we had a lot of sex. But then the

next year I got that Thai girlfriend, and

for some reason I told the Korean

girlfriend that I had sex with the Thai

girlfriend. I mean, the French-Thai

girlfriend. I don't know why I told her

that. I could have kept it a secret. And

then after that happened, she said she

didn't really want to have sex anymore,

but she only had sex because she knew I

wanted to.

That was a weird relationship. It lasted

for 6 years, 2010 to 2016,

last time I saw her.

I wonder if she had sex with anyone else

after Last time we met.

I feel like she hasn't met any guys since

last time we met.

Sounds like friends with benefits. That

would be nice, but I don't want her seeing

other guys. But I don't want her to start

crying and emotionally breaking down on me

because I don't see any other solution to

this. The only other way I can stay in

Japan— I mean, in Thailand— is if I get

the Thai Elite Visa, and I'm not paying

$16,000 to get a 5-year visa.

That is insane. And then I'm trapped here

for 5 years.

I won't have any way to get out of it.

Or we get married and I get a marriage

visa. She probably would suggest marriage.

If she pays it for me, I mean, that would

be pretty good. If she's like,

oh, I'll get a bank loan, I'll pay for

it if you can stay for 5 years, then I'd

be like, okay, great. But she's not that

I'm okay with going to Japan. I don't feel

like I would miss her that much. I'd miss

her a little bit maybe, but I'm getting

kind of bored. I want to spice things up a

little bit and have a bit of variety by

going to Japan for a bit, then coming back

here a bit, because I get very bored.

It's like having the same meal every day.

You get sick and tired of it. You need to

stop having the same meal for a while to

be able to come back to it and then

appreciate it again. I find it hard to

appreciate things if I'm— if I never get

the chance to have a break from it.

The 5-year Thai visa is 600,000 baht,

which is— wow,

$17,900.

That's insane. That's such a huge amount

of money to pay upfront. Over 5 years,

it's not a lot of money. It's like $10 a

day if you spread it out over 5 years.

But to suddenly lose 70% of all

my money is kind of scary considering that

I'm really struggling to get views these

days.

With what you just said, you don't love

her. I don't think I'm actually capable of

loving anyone.

I think something has happened to my brain

chemically and neurally That I'm incapable

of actually creating meaningful

connections with new people.

I blame Mila and I blame being bullied as

a kid. And this kind of just shut myself

off to people. The only meaningful

connections I have are with my mum and

sister, and those are the connections I

made when I was very young, before my

mental trauma. Anything after the mental

trauma, I don't really feel like I can

create meaningful connections because

I don't want to become an emotional mess,

break down and cry over people. I've done

that before and it results in nothing.

It is like mental torture. Why would I

It's just like a stupid human emotion that

is meaningless,

pointless, and it's just pain. So yeah,

my brain has rewired itself to protect

itself against that kind of pain.

Are you scared to open your heart again?

Yeah, I am scared. That was the worst

feeling I've ever had in my life. I'd even

say it was worse than watching my dad die.

And that was some pretty bad pain. But I

wasn't as depressed as I was when Mila

That was like an intense pain. For a

short period of time, whereas my dad dying

was like a more dull pain over a longer

period of time.

I was— I get bored of people pretty

quickly as well. After a while, I want to—

I would like to meet a Japanese

woman, maybe. Someone I can communicate

with without any problems and speak to in

Japanese. I feel pretty confident in my

Japanese ability to be able to communicate

well. Chihiro used to say, oh, Daniel's

bad at communication. Whenever we had an

argument, he would just start speaking in

English again. Well, yeah, when I get

angry, I want to drop some fucking

F-bombs, and there's nothing in the

Japanese language that really compares to

the F-bomb, does it? What are you gonna

I want to be like, you fucking stupid

fucking bitch. Well, how would you say

that in Japanese? There's no way to say

that that feels good in Japanese.

Yeah, when I got pissed off and lost my

temper, I would switch to English, but I

think that's pretty normal.

It was also very frustrating trying to

convey to Chihiro why this certain thing

upset me.

I could explain it, but then, I don't

know, trying to do my mental gymnastics in

Japanese is kind of stressful.

It's like for some reason she didn't

understand why I was upset about her

meeting Casey. That was really annoying,

having to try to explain that to her.

So my ideal outcome for Japan would be

Hmm, I don't

know if I want to try a platonic

relationship. Connect with some people,

hang out and socialize. I mean, that would

be nice, but then what do I do about my

YouTube channel at the guest house? If

people ask me about it, do I tell them?

Do I lie to them? Do I keep it a secret?

Do I tell them my real name? Only the

guesthouse manager would know my real

name. Now, there's 2 types of guesthouse

managers. There's one that lives at the

guesthouse and he works as a manager

because he wants to make friends, he wants

to study English. A few of the managers

have been like that, where they, they're

basically like another guesthouse tenant

because they mingle and they make friends

with everyone. But then there has been

managers That there have been managers

that have been very hands-off and purely

business. They're just there to sign in

new people, then they leave, they go home,

they've got a family. If it's that case,

then I might get away with lying. But if

it's like a very involved manager who's

friends with everyone and he finds out

that I'm telling everyone lies, he might

be like, Daniel, why are you telling

everyone lies? I don't know if he would

really, really get involved like

that. I feel like someone's gonna know

about my YouTube channel. At least one

person at the guest house is gonna know

about it. And then if I start lying to

everyone and then he tells everyone

about who I am, there could be some

dickhead who's like, bro, stop lying to

everyone, you're a dickhead.

Could get very awkward.

Do you think someone's going to recognize

me at the guest house? It's been 6 years

since my YouTube channel was a big popular

thing. It's 2023. I was popular on YouTube

in like 2018, 2019. It's been ages.

Surely people have forgotten about me by

now. And I've aged, so I look kind of

different. If you tell the truth and they

find your channel later, you're still

screwed. Well, if we become friends in

person before they find the channel and I

just say, oh yeah, I just say I do like a

comedy act on YouTube, it's not real.

I have taken down a lot of the Chihiro

stuff. Already because

she was trying to report my videos, so I

had to take them down.

It's kind of hard to say that it's like a

comedy act because it seems so

real. It is— I mean, it is real. A lot of

it is real.

So I'm not sure. They're definitely gonna

ask me, so what do you do for a living?

What are you here in Japan for? That's

what people talk about when you meet

people.

I don't have to tell them I do YouTube,

do I? A lot of people do YouTube as like

a hobby and just say, oh, I've got some

savings. Saved up during the lockdown.

Now I'm here to splurge, have fun,

hang out, make friends.

I don't know, after this whole YouTube

thing happened, it's really complicated,

the process of meeting people.

Why do you care? Because if I want to make

friends, I want them to like me. Telling

them about my YouTube channel has a

double-edged sword effect. Some people

think it's cool and would like me more

knowing that I'm a YouTuber, and some

people are gonna hate me because of it.

Oh, something interesting did happen

yesterday. So last year I

was making a lot of Tinder accounts

because they kept getting banned. I

matched with this one English girl who

lives in London. And we were chatting for

a bit. We exchanged Instagram details,

and then I got banned on Tinder, but we

were still chatting on Instagram. So I had

to make a fake Instagram account to chat

to her. She really wanted to chat on

Instagram instead of anything else. So I

made a new Instagram, completely new, put

a few photos on it. She said, this is

weird. Your Instagram has nothing on it.

I said, yeah, I made it just for you

because I don't usually use Instagram. I

didn't want to tell her my main Instagram

because then she'll find out about my

channel. We chatted for a bit. We nearly

had a date, but then she backed out of it

last minute. And then she went traveling

somewhere and we didn't really talk much.

But yesterday she messaged me on my main

Instagram account saying, hey, I think

someone's pretending to be you. And then

she screenshotted my newer Instagram

account. And I said to her,

lol, that's me. I made that so I could

chat to you. And then she said that she,

she randomly found my YouTube channel.

YouTube recommended my channel to her,

and then she did some Googling and found

my Instagram account and realized, oh

wait, it's you, because I recognized the

pictures. That's so weird, isn't it?

YouTube just randomly recommends someone

I matched on Tinder my YouTube channel.

It's like YouTube is trying to screw with

me. They don't recommend my Hogwarts

video, they recommend my channel to some

random Tinder match.

So I explained to her that, yeah, I got a

YouTube channel. I made a fake one because

usually girls block me if they find out

about my YouTube channel. And she was very

understanding. She said, it's fine, I

don't mind. And she said, it's nice that I

now know who I'm actually speaking to.

And I said, sorry for lying about it.

Thanks for being cool with it. Hope we can

still be friends and chat. And she said,

sure. So yeah, maybe we would actually go

on a date later.

I don't know how much of my channel she's

seen. Maybe if she digs more, she'll then

not like me anymore. She was pretty hot

though. She was like, not white,

mixed something, but she has a nice

body. And if she's cool with my YouTube

channel, then she must have a nice

laid-back personality. I hate girls who

block me because they find out my YouTube

channel and they get creeped out. Those

kind of girls piss me off.

As if they think every other guy doesn't

have the same thoughts as I do. It's just

because most guys don't have a YouTube

channel where they blast it all over the

internet. I don't really have

extreme or weird thoughts or opinions. I

reckon most guys think in similar ways,

it's just they don't express it. And girls

are dumb if they don't— if they think that

most guys are not like me. Most guys just

keep their mouth shut.

Does my girlfriend know about my channel?

No, of course not.

I get really triggered when girls find out

about my channel and then block me.

Why? Because of the cheating? As if most

guys haven't cheated before. They probably

cheated a few times themselves. Loads of

girls have cheated. Every girl I know has

cheated. At least once.

And girls think they can avoid being

cheated on by not dating guys who

they know have cheated. That's just silly.

I haven't cheated on Mila, I haven't

cheated on my girlfriend. So the whole

thing of, you know, once a cheater,

always a cheater, it's a load of rubbish.

Yeah, I cheated a lot on Chihiro, doesn't

mean I'm gonna cheat on future

girlfriends. I can't be bothered to cheat

anymore.

Why so many people cheat on each other?

Because, because biologically

you are rewarded for spreading your seed

among multiple women. The male penis is

designed to come inside multiple

women, which increases your chances of

creating more children and offspring. So

you are chemically rewarded for cheating.

Feels good. Physically feels good. It only

feels bad because then you feel kind of

guilty if someone who loves you finds out.

But that just comes from selfishness. The

feeling of jealousy is just purely

selfishness. You don't want other men

cream pieing your girl. Out of jealousy

and selfishness, because you don't want

your girl, your girl to be creating

offspring of another man. That's why you

react to it in a violent way. In a pure

caveman environment, you got 2 guys, 1

girl. And this is also how

nature is intended to work. This is Mother

Nature. This is how it's

designed to work. So you've got 2 guys,

they both want to fuck the girl to get her

pregnant. But as one of the guys, you

don't want the other guy to beat you, do

you? So you're going to use violence to

kill him or to scare him off, beat him up.

So the physically superior male will win

the fight and get to impregnate the woman,

and the stronger DNA will create be used

to create the offspring, which would

result in a stronger baby. That's how

nature works. In every single animal

species, they fight. The stags will have

like a fight. They'll challenge the

dominant male, have a, have a one-on-one,

and then the loser will back off and run

away because he doesn't want to die.

Usually it won't come down to someone

dying. Usually it won't even come to a

physical fight. They'll have like a—

they'll beat their chest and roar and see

which one's physically superior.

If the 2 males are too evenly matched,

then it will come to physical fighting,

but it usually won't come to killing.

It will usually come to one, the loser,

backing down and then leaving.

So that's the whole point of jealousy and

anger and aggression, is to fight off the

other man so you get to fuck the girl.

What's my point? I forgot

what my point was, but it's selfishness.

It's selfish because you want what

the other guy wants, and you— to get what

you want, you have to deny what the other

guy wants, don't you? A woman can't be

pregnant with 2 babies at the same time.

I forgot what my point was.

I was trying to make a point. I got

distracted and derailed.

I don't know, I was saying something about

cheating, wasn't I?

Yeah, my point was that cheating— oh yeah,

someone asked why do so many people cheat?

And I said because it feels good and we're

biologically encouraged to cheat to

increase chances of creating offspring.

It's all chemicals in the brain,

but it's not beneficial for a woman to

cheat because she can only be pregnant

once at the same time.

They can't be pregnant multiple times at

the same time unless they have multiple

men providing for them. Then it would be

beneficial. Like if a woman had 5

boyfriends, who are all providing her

resources, then I guess it would be

My point is that cheating

feels good but only feels bad because

of the guilt. And you only feel guilty

because other people will try to

emotionally manipulate

you using guilt because they're jealous.

And jealous— jealousness comes from

selfishness.

So yeah, I'm not bad for cheating. It's

just how the human brain works. I don't

make the rules. I just play the game.

Talking about playing games, haven't

actually played anything yet.

Maybe later when I run out of things to

talk about. So my

ideal outcome for Japan is I make some

Japan videos, they blow up,

I get 5 hot 10 out of 10 girlfriends. But

we gotta think realistically.

Realistically, my ideal outcome for Japan

would be I soak up the nostalgia. I make

some videos in Japan.

They get good views.

I kind of want to socialize with Japanese

women and bust

out my rusty Japanese again. I do feel

like talking Japanese again, speaking in

Japanese for a bit. It would be nice

to brush up on my skills.

It's been such a long time since I had to

Now, 2 things can happen. Number one, I

really feel miserable in Japan and It's

too expensive. I don't really care about

Japanese women anymore. The views are not

really going up. No one really cares that

I'm in Japan again. Then I'll start

thinking, ah, let's just go back to

Thailand. It was cheaper. It was more

convenient. Or scenario 2,

I get more views because I'm in Japan

again. I feel better mentally because I'm

in Japan again. Life in the guesthouse is

fun again because I used to really love

living in guesthouses the first 2 times.

I had a lot of fun, made friends, had

girlfriends at the guesthouse too. I

mingled, socialized, had fun, went out.

I feel like I was happiest in life back

then, 2010, '11, and '12,

when I had friends at the guesthouse. And

then for some reason, I started to hate

people and get annoyed with them, and

that's when I felt like life went

downhill. Some people—

I had some bad experiences with a few

people at guest houses, and it just soured

my mood towards people.

I think it'd be nice to have the best of

both worlds. I enjoy my time in Japan,

socialize, hang out, do what

I want to do, and then go back to Thailand

and carry on with this life.

Pick it up again from where I left it off.

I don't have to burn any bridges or close

any doors. That would be great. But

usually you can't have your cake and eat

it. I might have to choose between one or

When I'm away from the Thai girlfriend, I

think it'll be easier to ignore her

emotional breakdowns. It's just hard now

because she's coming home, she's crying.

I have to hug her and comfort her and say,

there, there, don't worry, I'll just be

gone for a few weeks. You can come to

Japan later, maybe in April

or May when things are cheaper. I just

need to comfort her because I hate crying

women. It's easy when they're out of

sight, they're out of mind. You can easily

ignore them. But when they're in front of

you crying and stuff, you feel bad. Well,

I feel bad. Why is she always crying? I

don't know. Maybe I'm just not doing a

great job as being a boyfriend. And I

think as a boyfriend, you have to

emotionally support your girlfriend.

You have to be like the bedrock, the

stable pillar that she's leaning against.

You got to provide her with stability and

comfort. I don't really provide that.

That's why a lot of girls don't like me,

is because I don't put down foundations

or roots. I'm like a bit of driftwood

floating in the sea. It's not anchored

down. Why would a girl want to be in a

relationship with me when I can't even

stay in the country for more than a few

You see, in hindsight, the Thai girl would

have been better if she never got involved

with me, because look how sad she's gonna

be. She should have just met a nice Thai

guy who lives here, who doesn't have to

keep leaving the country every few months.

Being with me is very unstable.

For me, the ideal relationship would be

another foreigner who, who has the

financial ability to keep moving about,

doesn't have to stay in one spot. She said

she might quit her job because she's

getting rental income. She also gets

income from her pharmacy license. I don't

understand how that works. She says she

gets paid for her pharmacy license.

I don't understand what that means. Why?

Who's paying her? For what? So she

said she's got some passive income that

comes in. She said she could quit her job

and follow me around the world. That would

be a nightmare because I'd never be able

to make any videos or content if she's

just with me all the time. Oh my God,

I would never be able to stream or make

videos. I'd go broke.

I need a fellow streaming content creator

to be my girlfriend,

but I think even then I'd get fed up and

stressed because I wouldn't be able to go

on dates and meet other people.

Very tricky. Why is my entire life trying

to find out the best way to feel happy?

But then I never seem to be happy doing

anything. I'm not happy having one-night

stands. I'm not happy being married. Not

happy living in Japan. Not happy living

with my mum. Basically, I'm not happy

doing anything or being anywhere.

And my idea of what would make me happy is

so impossible. I want multiple girlfriends

from each country that I can live with for

free or for very cheap. I want a

girlfriend here, I want a girlfriend in

Japan, and they all have to be okay with

me being away for a few months whilst I'm

with the other girlfriend.

I think that's logistically impossible or

very difficult.

I want a girlfriend in each country that I

can sponge off of and not have to pay huge

amounts for hotels. £1,000 a month for

hotel apartments? Insane.

I can't afford it. I'm only making

$1,500 to $1,800 a month.

I can't be spending nearly 70 or 80%

of my earnings on hotels.

Hope you satisfied all your weird sexual

fetishes while with her. I don't really

have any weird fetishes. What are my

fetishes right now?

What's one of my weird fantasies?

Hmm, no, I don't have a cuck fetish.

I'm just joking around when I say that

weird stuff. I don't really want to be

cucked. It'd be weird.

I still have this weird fetish of being

naked on a hot summer's day in nature, in

the forest, and having sex in the grass.

But can you imagine doing that in

Thailand? Well, some massive lizard comes

up and bites your leg. You get covered in

mosquitoes as well and sunburned.

You can do it in the jungle. Doing it in

the jungle sounds pretty hot. But can you

imagine all the insects and the lizards

and the sunburn? That would be bad.

I don't really have fetishes like bondage

or violence. I don't

like hardcore stuff where the guy's

strangling the girl. I think that's really

weird. It turns me off. I don't want the

girl to be in pain. That's just That's

so weird.

I'm more of a gentle lover, a passionate