I'm bored of life and suck at everything [P15jGQpMuI8]

So recently I feel kind of bored, like all

the time I just feel bored and I'm just

flipping, flicking through loads of

different random hobbies, hobbies, and

then getting bored of them. So since the

beginning of this year, I think I've tried

out 3 to 4 different hobbies. I started

off with going to the gym and trying to

build muscle and work out on my biceps.

As you can see, that didn't really go very

well, but I got some dumbbells and I

managed to lift bicep curl, 15 kg

dumbbell, which I felt pretty satisfied

with. And then I tried lifting the 17 kg

dumbbell and I just couldn't do it. And I

thought to myself, well, to be able to

lift the 17 kg dumbbell, it would require

me to do so much work, go to the gym every

day, eat loads of food, which I don't like

eating a lot of food, to be honest. It

just makes me feel sick. I like to eat

some food when I'm hungry, but I don't

like to have to force-feed myself and buy

all this special protein stuff and like

eat loads of chicken and rice all the

time. It just got kind of boring, so I

kind of gave up going to the gym. I just

do push-ups in my bedroom now, and I still

do like some reps now and then, but I'm

getting very lazy. And then after the gym

hobby, I kind of got into— yeah, I got

into cycling in Japan. I was like really

into cycling and streaming IRL, and then

that was fun for like 2 weeks, and then it

got boring. And then I got into painting.

I was watching Bob Ross videos, and then

suddenly I thought Wow, Bob Ross makes

that look so easy. I bet I can do it and

then become like a famous artist. So I

bought all this painting stuff. I've got

paintbrushes, oils, I've got a little tray

thing and the canvas and the paper.

And then I kind of realized after painting

quite a few paintings, I realized I got no

talent. I suck at painting. I did some

landscapes and it was okay looking, but

then I tried doing faces and they just

look so dumb and stupid.

And then I got fed up because it's

basically impossible to paint a face that

doesn't look like it's got some kind of

deformation with its eyes. Like, I do the

eyes too far apart, or I do the nose too

long, it looks like a man when I'm trying

to paint a beautiful woman. Or I draw the

mouth— I kept drawing the— painting the

mouth too big, so it looks like, like some

kind of idiot face. So I just gave up

trying to do oil painting. And then

cleaning up the oil painting was such a

mess. I had to buy turpentine and then

clean it all and then everywhere got

messed up with paint. And then I gave up.

So I went through gym, cycling,

painting. Now I'm into fish tanks. I got a

fish tank, got some fish. Some of them

died. I got some shrimp, got some snails.

That's going quite well so far. It's quite

fun and low effort. But the point is,

like, I keep trying to do these hobbies

that I suck at and then getting bored.

After a few weeks and then trying

something new and then getting bored again

and then trying to find out what to do

next and then not really being good or

getting good at anything I try. And now

I'm kind of in this state of limbo where

nothing is fun. There's like nothing I do

right now that I actually find fun. I was

doing IRL streaming for a bit, which was

kind of fun, but now I'm bored of that too

because it's hard work walking around for

hours and hours outside. And any money I

make from doing the IRL streaming, I end

up spending it on food and drink and

coconuts and whatever activity I'm doing

that day, I just end up blowing any money

I make on doing the activity. And it just

feels like, oh, I might as well have not

bothered. There also doesn't seem to be

any kind of video games out right now that

I find fun. I was really into Diablo or

Diablo 3 for a while, and that was pretty

fun for a few weeks and I was pretty

hooked on it. And whilst I was hooked on

it, I felt distracted. I wasn't really

thinking about stuff like, oh, I don't

know what to do. I feel so bored. But now

I got bored of Diablo 3 as well because

it's just— it is a boring game, isn't it,

after a while? And there's nothing to

play. The next big game is Armored Core 6,

which comes out in like 8 days, which I'm

waiting for now. But whilst I'm waiting

for that game to come out, I don't even

know if it's going to be a good game or

not. Whilst I'm waiting for that game to

come out, I don't know what to do or focus

on. I thought Thai— learning Thai language

was pretty fun for like 2 weeks, and then

that got boring as well because I'm not

great at speaking Thai and I don't really

care about it either. And it's just kind

of frustrating, like with the different

tones and the pronunciation of the words

really frustrates me. Every time something

I'm trying to do gets hard or difficult,

I just give up because it's not fun

anymore. And my mentality is if it's not

fun, then I can't be bothered doing it

anymore. What's the point of doing it if

it's not fun? And even though there's lots

of things I wish I was really good at,

like I wish, I wish I was really good at

sketching or drawing or painting, and I

wish I could beautiful women, or I wish I

could become really good at languages like

Japanese or something. And I thought I was

on the right track to getting good at

these things, but then I realized, yeah,

I've got no natural talent at these

things. I just kind of suck at everything,

and life feels kind of boring when you

suck at everything. I mean, sucking at

everything wouldn't be so bad if you

actually enjoyed it. I wouldn't mind doing

these things if I actually felt passionate

and enjoyed doing it. And I felt like,

yeah, I really love doing this even though

I suck. It's fine. But I don't enjoy doing

it and I suck. I mean, if I was good at it

and I didn't enjoy it, like imagine I was

this super talented painter, but I just

didn't really enjoy painting. Then, I

mean, at least I could make some money

because I'm like this genius painter that

could paint anything. And then there's

YouTube. So I thought I was good at

YouTube. For at least a few years. I

thought, yeah, my videos are pretty cool.

I've got something unique going on. I've

got like this unique whining about

everything and everything sucks kind of

theme, and I've got some drama and girl

relationship stuff. I thought at one point

my channel was pretty cool, and I felt

100% positive that it was going to be big,

like a million subs, and I'd be like this

big YouTuber. And I dedicated my entire

life for the last few years to achieve

that and aim for that. But yeah, the

numbers are not looking good. Even when I

try really hard to make a good video, it

doesn't get good numbers. And honestly,

I'm starting to lose the passion. Maybe I

already lost it ages ago, but I just, I

really don't find making videos fun

anymore. It's not really very fun when

you post the video and it gets not great

views. And I feel like I don't understand

because when I started YouTube, I really

enjoyed making videos and it was fun and I

was passionate about it. And obviously

there weren't any views in the beginning

because I just started, but I didn't care.

Like, I didn't care if there were no views

because I was having so much fun just

making the videos. And then at some point

it just became The fun part of doing

YouTube became all about getting views.

And if I didn't get views, then it wasn't

fun. And now that I don't get views, it's

not fun. And I don't know how to go back

to that state of, oh, even if I don't get

views, it's still fun. Like, how do I

enjoy doing this when there's barely

any views? I don't know how to go back to

how I was. I just feel like I'm

desperately trying to find anything to do

that could be fun. Whilst I'm still here

on this stupid planet, because I'm

probably going to be around for like

another 40 years, 50 years. And just

imagine spending the next 50 years where

you're just perpetually bored every day.

It's so boring. Being bored is

so boring. I don't know what to—

I honestly don't know what to do at

this point in my life. At this age, I feel

like I've done so many things. I feel like

I've tried everything already. I've done

I've tried artistic things like art and

painting. Maybe I'll try pottery next or

making like a wooden box, carpentry. I've

tried sports, cycling and going to the

gym. Tried that. I've tried, I don't know,

everything on YouTube, like trying to be a

streamer, an IRL streamer, trying to be a

vlogger, trying to be a game tech

journalist reviewer, trying to be, I don't

know what else, like a stock market guru

on YouTube. Everything I've tried just

doesn't go anywhere and it just fails and

it's boring to do anyway. And I'm losing

the willpower to carry on doing it, but I

have to do it because I don't know what

else to do. So yeah, I just feel kind of

empty right now. I don't know where to go,

what to do, feel kind of directionless.

And life doesn't really feel super

fulfilling right now. I mean, having the

fish tank is pretty fulfilling. Like, my

cherry shrimp had babies and the babies

hatched. Now I see little baby shrimp

walking around and I fed them a carrot and

they really loved the carrot. And I guess

that was kind of cute and I feel like it's

my duty my job to look after the fish tank

and make sure they've got a nice home and

they don't die, which might happen if I'm

careless. So it's nice to have the fish

tank, I suppose, but I would like to find

more things that I could feel passion for,

like genuine passion where I'm not just

pretending to enjoy it. Like I actually

want to enjoy something and try to become

good at it. And even if I'm not good at

it, it's still enjoyable. Why can't I find

something like that? I don't know. Maybe

there's something wrong with my brain.

Like I've got ADHD or something where I

can't actually stick to one thing for a

very long time. I can stick to one thing

for maybe a few months. I'm surprised I

managed to stick to studying Japanese for

such a long time. It was nearly 2 years

before I got bored of that as well. But I

think 2 years is probably the maximum,

longest amount of time I've dedicated

myself to learning something before

eventually getting bored of it.