Why I hate the Newspaper

Hey, so in this video I want to talk about

my frustrations with newspapers, the

newspaper. At the petrol station where I

work, we sell newspapers, and one of the

jobs that I have is when the newspaper

delivery comes in the morning, I have to

put in all the inserts and the magazines

that go inside of the newspaper. There's a

huge amount of inserts and magazines that

need to go inside of the huge amount of

newspapers. With some newspapers, you need

to put in up to 3 inserts: a magazine, a

second magazine, and then another

newspaper that goes inside of the main

newspaper. And it's such a pain because

you have this huge mountain of newspapers

and this huge mountain of inserts, and

you're putting them into every newspaper

one by one. Customers are coming in, and

every time a customer comes in, You have

to stop what you're doing and rush over to

the till to serve him and then wait till

he's left the shop, and then you can go

back to doing the newspapers. And the

newspaper delivery man leaves all the

newspapers by the door, so we have to sort

it out by the door, and the automatic door

keeps opening and closing every time you

move, and it's freezing because all the

cold air comes in, and we're sitting on

the floor putting the inserts in, the door

keeps opening, and it's freezing.

Customers keep coming in and they keep

interrupting us. It's the most frustrating

part of the job, I think. And when the

next day comes, I have to collect all the

newspapers that didn't sell, write it down

on a list which ones didn't sell, tie it

up with a piece of string, and then put

the pile by the door so the delivery man

can come and pick it up. Most of the time,

there's so many newspapers that haven't

sold, I don't even know why they bother

selling them in the first place. It's At

least half of the original pile is still

in the shop that didn't even sell. And

some types of newspapers, some brands of

newspaper, they never sell. There's always

the original amount that came the previous

day, and it's the same amount of

newspapers I have to go and collect that

haven't sold. I don't understand why don't

they just stop selling them because it's

obvious that no one's buying them. And

some newspapers have topless women on

them. There's this one called Sports Week

or something, and it always has a nearly

naked woman in some sexual position. And

it's really awkward handling that

newspaper when customers are coming in,

and I'm pretending not to look. I'm like

doing the other papers like this, and I'm

trying very hard not to get distracted

because it is kind of distracting when

you've got a naked woman staring at you.

No, no, I'm not trying to sneak a peek at

the naked woman. It's just very

distracting and awkward. I try very hard

not to look at it because if I start

looking at it, it's kind of hard to stop,

and then it just makes you look really

pervy. Why do they have to put half-naked

women on the newspaper? It's like they're

selling some kind of pornographic

magazine, which we sell. We sell those as

well, by the way. No one's ever bought the

pornographic magazine yet, and I'm really

dreading the day when someone buys it

because it's so embarrassing having to

serve that customer. It happened a few

times when I was working in Japan in the

convenience store. They would sell just

full-out porn magazines with naked women

having sex with men, naked men, and people

would come and buy them. And it was so

embarrassing. You have to put it in the

bag and then you have to give them the

change, and then they would look really

sheepish and they look kind of embarrassed

themselves. Why would you go to a shop to

buy porn? Why don't you just watch it on

the internet? There's internet porn for

free. Why do you go to a shop to buy a

magazine to get your sexual desires

fulfilled? I don't understand it. It's

even more embarrassing when it comes to

condoms. At least in Japan, when they sold

condoms, they sold it in the shop, so you

just pick it up and then take it to the

till. But at my workplace, they have the

condoms behind the till, so the customer

has to come up to you and ask you Can I

have some condoms, please? And then we

sell 2 types, so I have to bring them

both, and then I have to say, which one

would you like? It's so embarrassing. Why

would you buy condoms in a shop? I don't

understand. Why don't you just buy it on

the internet? You could get a huge box of

100 off Amazon. I guess some people don't

plan that far ahead. No, I didn't buy a

huge box of condoms before I went to Japan

last year. No, I don't have a rucksack

full of unused condoms in my room. Quiet,

you. Anyway, back to the newspaper

conversation. I don't understand why

people are even buying newspapers when you

You can get the news for free on the

internet. I know,

it's amazing, right? You don't have to pay

anything. You just go into Google, type in

news, and you get news for free on

your phone, on your tablet, on your

computer. It's amazing. Why are people

buying newspapers in 2017? It's not 1950.

Stop buying newspapers and make my life

easier. The newspapers aren't cheap. The

cheapest ones are about 50p. And they go

up to £2.50. Some people come in every day

and buy the same newspaper every day, 5

times— 5 days a week. That's— they're

buying the newspaper 5 times a week.

That's like £5 or £2.50 or

£10 depending on which one they bought.

And then you get all that black stuff on

your fingers, ink, when you read it

because you're touching the pages and it

rubs off onto your skin. And the newspaper

is really big. It's like this big. It's

really uncomfortable to sit there and read

a newspaper because the pages are

gigantic. You're like turning the page

like this because the bloody thing is so

huge. If only there was a way to read the

news on your phone. So who's buying these

newspapers, you might ask? It's always old

men. Men over 50. Men in their 40s.

Or I think they're in their 40s. Everyone

looks really old here. Even 20-year-olds

here look like they're 30 years old. This

woman came in and she bought alcohol. I

thought she was like a lady, like a

30-year-old lady who has kids and is

married and drives a car. She showed me

her ID and it said 1999. You're 10 years

younger than me. I thought you were 30

years old. How do people in this country

look so mature? I don't get it. I've never

sold a newspaper to a young-looking

person, but then to me a 20-year-old looks

like a 30-year-old, so maybe 20-year-olds

are buying the newspaper, but I just

assume that they are 30 years old when

they're actually born in 1999. It always

amazes me for some reason when people show

me their IDs and it says 1999. The worst

ones, when you see the date of birth says

they were born in the year 2000. 2000?

That was only— oh, that's like 17 years

ago now, wasn't it? I feel old.

There was a point in my life where There

were no people younger than me. I was a

young person. There would— there wouldn't

be anyone younger than me by 10 years.

That would be unheard of. Now you get all

these whippersnappers who were born in

2000. Who do they think they are? Young

people don't buy newspapers, right? Who

here is under 30 and buys a newspaper?

Raise your hand and say aye. No, I didn't

quote Tony Robbins. I'm just curious

what's gonna happen when the men aged over

50 who like to buy newspapers start to

slowly disappear, if you know what I mean.

Maybe in 20 years' time, you just won't

see newspapers being sold in shops anymore

because us young people, or relatively

young people, consume the news on our

phones, on our computers, on the internet.

We don't buy a newspaper. No. So that is

my question: when is the newspaper gonna

go extinct? Can it just die out now so I

don't have to put in those bloody inserts

every morning? If everyone just stopped

buying the newspaper, then Then they'll

stop selling newspapers at my work and

everywhere else, and we can all celebrate.

Apart from the newspaper companies. They

probably won't be celebrating. But we

don't need them. We've got Facebook News

and fake news websites. Why are old people

so stubborn? Why don't they just learn to

read the news on their phones? It's not

that difficult. Some, some might complain.

They might say, oh, my phone screen is too

tiny. I can't see it. Well, get a bigger

phone then. Or some might say, I don't

have internet at work. I can't read the

news on my phone because I don't have

internet access. Then why don't you just

upgrade your contract so that you have

unlimited internet access? Oh, but then I

have to pay more money for my phone. I

don't want that. Oh, okay, but you're

happy to spend £5 a week on the newspaper.

Why don't you just get a new contract for

your phone? Hmm. I'm not saying it's a bad

thing if you enjoy reading the newspaper.

It would just be nice if people stopped

buying the newspaper, So I would have one

less thing to do at work. One less

soul-crushing task to do. One less reason

for the company owner to keep me employed

there. On second thoughts, keep buying the

newspaper. It's giving me work. It's

giving me purpose in life. Because when

the robots take over and jobs like mine

become fully automated, they won't need

me. They'll fire me. I'll be out of a job.

I won't have any work. I won't have any

money. Just forget everything I just said.

I love the newspaper.