why i HATE Hogwart's Legacy

Testing.

Testing.

Um, Twitch dashboard.

Is it working?

So it's

been ages since I did a Twitch stream.

Oh no, I've got 1 hour 40 minutes to play

it before I can refund it. Quick,

what do I need to do? Where's Twitch?

I don't think I'm going to refund it. It

looks pretty good, but I've only seen the

character creation thing. I feel like I'm

gonna spend all day on the character

creation. The character creation

thing. I feel like I'm gonna spend all day

on the character creation.

Okay, I think it's fine.

I really need to get new headphones.

These ones, the red wire is coming out of

the plastic thing.

Wow, I lost all of my Twitch subs. I've

only got 2 left. Haha, that's what happens

when you don't stream for a month.

Maybe I'll link it on— hmm,

maybe I'll post it on YouTube.

How do I link my page?

I'm not sure if I'm gonna make a guy Harry

Potter. I mean, what's the character's

name? Guy Harry Potter or girl Harry

Potter? Or am I gonna make myself I

wonder if I can get addicted to this game.

That would be pretty good. Streaming now,

bring back the Cyberpunk vibes.

I do have a video ready to go on YouTube.

I could post that now and link it to

Twitch. No, I'll save it for tomorrow.

I'll just do a community post post now.

Create post. Maybe we could stream

this on YouTube. I'd get like— I'd

probably— how many views do you think I'd

get if I streamed it on YouTube?

Streaming Harry Hogwarts Legacy.

Wish my channel wasn't so dead.

Okay, post is posted.

Where's my timer at? I should put a timer

on the screen, time until I can refund it.

There's stupid games with the character

creation thing. I swear they just put that

in the game so you end up wasting time.

I guess you could just put random preset

and then jump into the game.

The 2 hours is not enough time really to

have a good look at it, and then the

cutscenes take up like 20 minutes.

Okay, let's have a look at it. Also, it

looks kind of fuzzy on my computer as

well. Because I think I need to go into

options and change the screen resolution.

It looks fuzzy to me.

Okay, so we got a lot

of black people.

She looks cute. I can't zoom into her

face. I don't like the circle thing

spinning around. Looks like it's buffering

or something around the cursor.

Are these— I don't know, maybe I shouldn't

perv on the characters because aren't they

teenagers? Does that make me a pedo if I'm

like, wow, she— I would smash her? Does

that make me a pedo? This guy looks like

Arnold Schwarzenegger's son.

She's cute. I think we could make her

better looking though. If I— if this was

Tinder and I was gonna smash Smash.

Where are the girls? No,

she looks like a Native Indian, like

Pocahontas. I think maybe

I'd choose her. Oh no, she's ugly.

Looks like Sabrina. No, that's weird.

Fat English tin. Yeah, where are the fat

kids? I thought this game was supposed to

be like diverse and whatever.

The character models look pretty good

though. There's something very realistic

about their faces.

What do you think about the sound levels?

Is it okay?

What do you think about the sound levels?

Okay, I think

it's fine. Excuse me. It's not fair,

everyone was playing this yesterday and on

Monday. I think your time zone has

something to do with it. Said I can play

it on the 11th, but because I bought the

deluxe version, I've got 72 hours early

access. I don't know why the game comes

out on the 11th.

Thailand. Some people are saying if you

set your time zone using a VPN to New

Zealand, you can play it way earlier.

So maybe that's how stupid time zone

staggered release date— I don't

know, should I make a girl?

She looks so Oh, there's different faces

as well. Oh my god, this is gonna take

ages. I want to see if I can make Mila.

I like the music, it's very MMO-y. It

reminds me of like WoW or something. They

got the Harry Potter glasses. Imagine the

game's rubbish. Actually, I've already

refunded the game once because I

accidentally bought the standard version.

When I wanted the deluxe version, so I

refunded it once. I don't know if they can

let me refund it again.

The hair looks really good, like the fuzzy

afro hair. The hair looks realistic.

I kind of like this girl. I want to get

rid of that mole on her face though. See

if she's got like a meaner haircut. Afro?

Is this like transgender stuff?

Fade afro with a fade on a girl. That

looks so ugly.

That kind of looks like my hair if my hair

looked good. Oh, that's kind of cute.

Why do fringes always make girls look

really cute? I think it makes them look

younger somehow.

I want to see if there's the Mita haircut.

Karen bob.

This is what I mean. I wish my girlfriend

looked like this, but that means my

girlfriend would have to look like a

15-year-old. We have to remember these are

like 50— how old are 50 years in Harry

Potter? I'm gonna be like massive

pedo in this stream. 5th year age in

Hogwarts,

15 to 16. Oh my god, they're not—

talk about wanting to smash them.

They look like adults though, they don't

look like kids.

Oh, there's so many damn afro hairstyles

in this game. That hair looks like mine

actually, if I was good at styling it. I

mean, that's what I wish my hair looks

like. I think that looks cool for

a guy. It looks like Victoria.

Actually, it looks like Victoria's mom if

she was young. That's so weird. I don't

think there's a Mida hairstyle. I need

long hair with a fringe.

What are these? Oh, it's hair color.

Like a Twitch gamer girl.

Hmm, I don't know.

Definitely think that's the most

attractive face. Oh no, I changed it back

now. Wait, let me see if I can make a guy

who looks like me. I really don't like

playing as a guy. I don't know why. Why do

I feel like it's kind of gay to play as a

guy instead of playing as a girl?

Which one looks like me? Wait, let me

change the hair first.

They should let you take a photo of your

face and then it turns into like a 3D

model. No, that's not

like my hair.

Why can you put a female hairstyle on a

guy? Oh my God. Actually, that looks a bit

like Mila's hairstyle. I want to see the

guy's hair. Why are these all women's

hairstyles?

My hair kind of looks like this.

Oh, maybe it's— no, my ears aren't

visible. Where's my hairstyle?

Dreadlocks.

You feel emasculated if you play as a guy?

Um, I don't know. I feel like when I play

a game where I can make a character, I

don't feel like I am the character. I feel

like I'm me and the character is the

character. And if I could choose between

hanging out with a guy or a girl, I'd

choose to hang out with a girl, not some

smelly man.

I feel like this looks like my hair but

more curly.

I swear there was another hairstyle that

looked a bit like mine. Okay, what about

face? If I put

glasses on, look, that looks like my

glasses. Maybe which one's

my face? Don't say it's I

want to— maybe I look like this. My skin

isn't so brown, but it's not so white.

Well, you can be black. It can be really

black. That looks weird. It's like a

white— well, non-black guy with black

skin. Maybe I look like this.

That looks— no, my nose isn't that piggy.

My face is becoming that fat though. I

don't know why my face got so fat.

Oh, I got a donut. I don't think I've got

the alerts set up. Where is the alert?

A few seconds Oh yeah,

why don't I hear it? Alert box.

Oh, thanks Bright F4. What type of horses

do I like?

Brown thick ones with a bushy tail.

There should be a sound when that plays.

Why is there no sound?

Okay, let me reset the alert box.

Alert box, add.

Do you hear a sound? That should be

text-to-speech.

If I do a test Test sub.

That's weird.

Hmm, no idea

why the sound's not playing.

Oh well, I'll look at it later.

Thanks for the bits. I'm really annoyed

I can't get any videos about this game to

get views. I have no idea why.

So I'm gonna use the footage from this

stream to make yet another video.

Hopefully this time we'll get some views.

Otherwise I'm making like $1 per video and

I've made videos now, and this game costs

£60, so it's like I

have to make like 80 videos to get my

money back. No, £60 in

USD, $72.

It's gonna take me like 70 videos. I have

no— everyone's making videos about it and

they're getting massive views. And usually

do not buy gets views.

It looks like you before. When? I think

this looks kind of like me, but more

Maybe like this. That looks a bit like me.

I don't know if you can adjust the nose

shape and stuff like that. Complexion.

Now I want to make a cute girl. I don't

really care about a guy. I can change eye

color. I don't think you can change his

nose shape or his lip shape. That's why

all the characters kind of look similar in

everyone's footage.

I wish I had a second screen somewhere.

Gotta keep looking at my phone.

Oh, I could get my tripod, put the phone

in the tripod.

And then the phone is horizontal.

There you go.

Try and make her look like one of your

exes. It's hard because

you can't really customize the face. Face

much. You have to use the presets.

That can be one of my complaints,

actually. The character customization is

not very customizable. Customizationable.

Presets are useless because they all use

the same faces you get here. Why is she so

freckly? Okay,

so give her a good hairstyle first, and

then we'll see what face is the most

attractive.

There's no mid hairstyle. I wish they let

you sort the hairstyles by length.

What would I do if a horse was wagging its

tail? In front of you. Oh, don't trick me

into getting the police to come again. I

was gonna say I'd lift up its tail and

give it a sniff. Everyone's talking

about this game now on Twitter. Even

Keemstar's tweeting stuff like, is it

transphobic to play this game? Oh, this

kind of looks like Milla's hairstyle

actually. I'll make it brown.

Asian Milla. I mean,

this hair is more of like a brownish.

Now I need to choose a white face.

Actually, haha, if I make it whiter skin

color— why does her face look so different

when you change the skin color? Black

Mira. That's Mira's mom.

No, something about her doesn't look like

me. This looks a bit more like Mira.

Mira had a very round face. Not that

round. No,

no.

No, they look too white or too Asian.

That's the problem.

Looks like Hermione. Yeah, Hermione's hair

looks a bit like what Mira's hair was

like, just brown and long.

Maybe like this.

I wonder what Mila looks like now. Is

anyone stalking her social media? People

are saying they found her boyfriend's

Instagram and apparently she's pregnant.

I wonder if I would feel upset. I think

enough time has moved on. I don't really

feel like I would care.

No, this hairstyle is not very good.

Damn carrot. I hate games with this stuff

because I spend too much time.

I want to get rid of all the freckles on

her face. Freckles and

moles, how about none?

Complexion,

too much time moved on, no one would care

at this point. I think the trolls would

care if they thought it would upset me

finding out. I don't think I would really

care anymore. I'd be interested,

like curious, but I don't think I would be

emotionally affected.

I like how when you switch here, it's like

a magical thing. It's quite smooth.

Which— okay, which face? I like this face.

No, no,

no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

And maybe it's probably the best-looking

Asian face. No.

No,

no, there's only 2 attractive faces.

This one and this one.

All the other ones look ugly.

Imagine making a character looking like

that. Jesus Christ, why would you want to

make yourself ugly? There's only 2

good-looking faces,

so maybe this one.

This one looks okay, but she just looks

too Asian.

I need a better hairstyle. She looks

like Some Chinese girl who

gets grade A's all the time and is really

boring.

No, I think she looks too fat. I prefer

this one. She looks more Western.

Okay, which hairstyle do I want? No,

no, no. No,

no, no. Looks like Chihiro.

This would be Chihiro's hairstyle, I

think. Wait, if I put black hair with

the Asian girl— no, I don't like how wide

her face is.

Why are you being a girl? Hmm, cuz they

look nicer. It's nicer to look at than a

guy.

They should give you like different

benefits of being a girl or guy, like guy

has more strength but girl has more

emotional strength or something.

This is too much hair.

Okay, I'm getting bored of this. I want to

actually play the game. Let's get a move

on. Goddamn it,

I can't choose which hairstyle I want.

Oh, this didn't play on the screen too.

Why does it want me to manually click it?

I need to check my Twitch settings later.

I need to plug my phone in.

Thank God my girlfriend is working late

today. I can play all day long.

Looks like Sabrina. No, Sabrina looks

nothing like this. I forgot what Sabrina

looks like. Actually, I haven't seen it in

This one's okay, it's kind of short

though. Maybe I can change the hairstyle

later. They should have a

barber's where you could change it. This

looks like emo My Chemical Romance

Is anyone else playing this?

It's giving me Fable vibes. You remember

Fable? That was a great fantasy RPG

game. I can't

decide.

Running out of time here to refund it.

How long? 1 hour 18 minutes left.

That is an ugly hairstyle.

That's really plain.

No, no,

no.

Your PewDiePie video is doing great.

Yeah, I know, it's surprising. It's doing

even better than the I found my wife's

boyfriend It's probably gonna get like

15 to 20k views. Surprised how

well it did,

but disappointed my Hogwarts videos are

not getting any views. I think

I make the best videos when it's about

Japan. When I focus on topics that are

related to Japan, I seem to have a lot to

say. It's a good thing PewDiePie came to

Japan, as it gives me stuff to talk about.

If he moved to like Bangladesh and he was

having a kid there, I couldn't give a

crap. I wouldn't make a video about, oh,

raising a white kid in Bangladesh. I don't

know anything about Bangladesh. I kind of

like this one. I wish you could zoom out a

little bit. Give her a scar.

No, I want her to be pretty.

Eyebrows are fine.

Now this is such a boring hairstyle.

Finding it hard to make her look

attractive.

Maybe this one.

I don't like this outfit, so Boring and

brown. Why does

she have a man's voice? I'm eager to get

to Hogsmeade. That was quite something.

You can give her a man's voice? I am

indeed a student, but I could very well be

able to help you. A few cobwebs and some

dust. I'm eager to get to Hogsmeade. That

was quite something. It was wonderful. I

believe I'm really going to enjoy this

club. A few cobwebs and some dust. I'm

eager to get to Hogsmeade. That was quite

something. I am indeed a student, but I

could very well be able to help you.

Maybe that one's fine. Let me

see, do I really want glasses?

No, I think skin color's fine.

No, I like this girl better. This is a

well-balanced face.

Probably go with this hairstyle.

Nah, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no.

There's more boy hairstyles than there are

girl hairstyles.

Okay, I'll just go with this one. Getting

fed up with this. Okay,

what should we call— name your character.

Fat bitch. Haha. What should I call her?

Fat bitch.

You can be a female wizard or a male

witch. No, I'm a witch. What should

I call her?

Mila Lord. Haha.

Mila Lord.

Did I ever say what Mila's last name is?

I shouldn't, cuz that's like doxxing,

isn't it?

Mila stupid bitch. No,

Mila Lolovich.

Hmm. Oh, it's playing the dono. It's not

playing the sound. Call her Sexy Horse

Lady.

Mila the Horse.

I think Mila is a nice name for my

character. What about last name?

Mila Daniel. Mila is gay.

Mira sucked my D.

Mira dumped me.

Mira Fat Bottom. That shit is quite a good

name. Should I play on hard since

I'm a pro gamer? No, I think normal is

fine. Okay, start journey.

Finally,

these cutscenes better not be too long.

Meet his dump truck.

Quickly to a secondhand wand. You'll be a

force to be reckoned with when you get

your own. Thank you, Professor Fig. I

appreciate you working with me.

Why does the voices sound kind of echoey?

Description of our location did not thwart

your findings. I've apparated to more

vaguely defined destinations than this.

It's just my earphones are

Why are there

words on the left of the screen? On the

stream? Can you see those words?

Oh, it's the chat. I wonder

what those words were. Should I leave the

chat on the screen?

Now everyone's swearing in the chat. I

could get my video demonetized.

A good thing about Twitch is I don't have

to worry about demonetization, which is

weird. On YouTube, if I say fuck,

the stupid stream goes yellow.

I'm gonna check my monetization

settings.

How many ads did I put?

Ads Manager.

Your laptop fan is loud. Yeah, I'm running

it at max boosted CPU and GPU.

I put it at 3-minute

ads every 30 minutes. I think that's

pretty good.

Scotland. Just barely.

And who is your traveling companion?

A new student. What if they

said my name? Mila Fatbottom.

How extraordinary. It is indeed. None of

the faculty has ever heard of anyone being

admitted to Hogwarts so late. I think if I

do 2 streams, it will basically pay for

the game. Because when I was playing

Cyberpunk, I was making like $30 per

stream. If I could get our new student up

to speed a bit before the term begins.

Well, you couldn't have asked for a better

mentor. Professor Fig is not only an

exceptional teacher, he's also a

remarkably intuitive and gifted wizard.

Mr. Osric is prone to flattery. I dare say

it's one of the reasons he's risen Can I

skip this? Maybe I should learn about

the story. So there's a goblin rebellion

and a bad wizard who are teaming up.

That's all I know. Although I've yet to

convince my colleagues at the Ministry, I

believe he is a significant threat.

And it was your wife who Eliazar,

who alerted me to his activities months

ago. Miriam? How?

She wrote to me about Ranrok before she

died. The fan is annoying. Is it really

that loud?

Before I could respond, I received this.

It was the last thing she sent me.

It came to me via her owl, but with no

correspondence. I can only assume that she

had to get rid of it quickly to keep it

safe, presumably from Ranrok. I cannot—

not much I can do about the fan. It's a

problem with playing on a laptop. I need a

desktop. It looks like goblin metal, that

symbol. What's that glow? I don't see a

glow.

Do I still make YouTube videos? Yep,

I made one yesterday. Wow, did he just get

eaten?

Uh, why is that dragon's chest bleeding?

The key!

Give me your heart!

You're hurt? Perhaps a bit.

Take this, it's Wiganwell potion. That

stuff will want you in a second. Oh, my

character's ugly. She looks weird now when

she's like making faces.

What happened? Poor George. I can't

believe you. What the hell got into that

damn thing? Change her. No, I'm not gonna

do it again. A typical dragon would never—

Professor, my character was so hot in

Cyberpunk. Remember her? I'm not sure.

But that key you discovered was clearly a

portkey. Portkey? An item enchanted to

bring whoever touches it to a specific

I'm feeling better, sir. If you'd— I wish

I gave her brown hair. Damn it. I would,

but stay close. Can you change her hair in

the game? This portkey, or why?

Okay, see if the game's good.

No, my character in Cyberpunk was cute.

What do you mean ugly? She had a bit of

fish lips though. It was hard making

a good-looking character in Cyberpunk.

How far did that portkey take us?

Farther from London than the carriage

traveled. We're somewhere in the Scottish

Highlands. Sir, those ruins— do you think

the portkey was meant to lead us there? I

do. This has not been the day either of us

expected, but Miriam sent that portkey to

George. How did I get the game early?

Because I'm a professional Games

journalist. No, I just got the deluxe

version. You get 72 hours early access.

Good,

come on. However faded it may be.

Hmm, can you just fall off the cliff?

No, that would be funny if you could just

It moves and feels good, it's very

responsive.

Kind of looks like Um,

Uncharted. I never played that game.

Ancient magic? Yes, a powerful magic

wielded by a rare few that seems to have

been lost to time.

Hogwarts Castle was built by and is itself

a stronghold of that ancient magic. I

don't know where she came into possession

of the Portkey, but I am certain it was to

do with that search.

Chat looks calm, no protests. Protests

about what? I don't

really get many viewers, so I think

the chat's usually pretty calm. Spoke of

the good it could do, but magic is no

different than any power. What really

matters is the one who wields it.

Can I strip her naked like in Cyberpunk?

About playing the game, I don't think my

stream is gonna go viral and get like a

load of Harry Potter boycotts.

I heard

some of the big streamers were getting

people trying to bash them.

Your character's 15? Well,

it doesn't mean I can't see her naked.

It's not like it's a real thing.

15-year-old. So I can zap things.

How do I sprint?

That's just like a Pretty slow tutorial,

I guess. I thought

you'd start off in Hogwarts.

Almost there.

Maybe I'll

play 10 hours and then I'll make some

videos using the footage.

So what time is it now?

9 o'clock. She comes home at 10, which

means I've got 13 hours.

Nice.

How Hogwarts Legacy turned me into a pedo.

I fell in love with a 15-year-old. Her

name is Mira Fatbottom.

What do I do?

Explore the mysterious ruins.

Thai girlfriend works 13-hour shifts.

Yeah, I guess so. Today she

wants me to, to get get into a Thai

language school so I don't have to leave

and then get a student visa. I already

booked my ticket to Japan,

but I didn't tell her.

She said she wants to come, but I said I

can't afford to pay your ticket, so either

you buy your own ticket or I go by myself.

It seems like she's gonna let me just go

by myself,

and she doesn't want to fly alone. I said

if you want to get the cheap ticket with

the 10-hour layover in Philippines,

you'll have to come alone because I don't

want to sit in an airport for 10 hours

overnight. Can you imagine that? You

arrive there 3 AM, you're waiting until 2

PM. What are you gonna do, just sit on the

floor?

I'm going to Japan next month.

What I do, interact with magic.

How?

Oh, F. Sleep in the airport?

Maybe they'll have a hotel in the airport.

It's only 300 for a direct flight.

Cheapest I found was 630 for return to

Thailand, which you would need. I bought

just a one-way ticket. I don't know if I

need a return ticket. I read that if

you're from the UK, they won't really care

if you don't have an outbound ticket.

Hello? The ticket that goes

to the Philippines costs 350 for a return

ticket, which she could have afforded,

but I don't want to stay overnight.

That would be hell.

It's such a long time

to wait. 3:00 a.m.,

you arrive at 3:00 a.m., then you wait

till 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and then it's 10:00

a.m. You still gotta wait another 4 hours.

I don't think I'd sleep much.

I don't really want her to come though.

It would be expensive. We'd have

to go to like Kyoto, Nara, and do touristy

stuff. And then I'm worried someone might

recognize me. If I'm gonna get

recognized, I think I There's a higher

chance of it happening in Japan. Now what

if Chihiro sees us? Do you think she would

do anything? Do you think she'd like come

running and say, hey, hey, hey,

you're dating hiding in my room?

I feel like Chihiro would just ignore us

and pretend she didn't see us if she did

see us, because she wouldn't want to give

me drama so I could make money.

Chihiro hates it when I use her to make

money. I don't know why she cares.

So I think it's the best option to try and

prevent her from coming with me.

£600 is like 25,000 baht, which is more

than she makes in a month. I don't

understand how she's working 2 jobs and

gets rental income from her house now.

She still can't afford a plane ticket?

Jesus Christ, it's like Thai people

live in poverty. Even if they have a good

Would Chihiro try to break up your

relationship? I don't know.

I don't think she would. I don't

think she would really care.

I really hope she hasn't reported me or

something. Imagine I arrive in Japan and

then the immigration takes me to like a

detention center. Imagine my girlfriend

comes with me and I get taken away and I

have to explain to her I've got an

ex-wife.

Would I be rich if I moved to Thailand?

I guess so. My expenses

are only about £300 or £400 a month.

I really don't want to go to a school.

She keeps phoning up these schools asking

about information.

She said she found one where you can do it

online, but then you've got to do like

online calls with the teacher.

Imagine me learning Thai. I couldn't care

less about learning Thai. I've got no

interest in learning Thai. Well, if I had

to go to a normal school, it's usually 3

or 5 days a week. Class probably starts 9

in the morning, finishes probably 3 or 4

PM. So I'd waste the entire day at school,

come home at like 5 PM. I'd have 1 hour

before she comes home. How am I going to

stream or make videos if I have to go to

school every day? And then the weekend I

can't make videos, can I?

Hogwarts Legacy biggest expense this

month? Well, hopefully not if I make some

money back from videos and streams, but my

Hogwarts Legacy video is just not getting

any views. I don't know why.

Usually when I make a video about a new

big game, it'll get some views. It's

weird, isn't it?

My Dead Space remake video got 6K views.

What do you suppose we should be looking

for? I'm not sure, sir. I wonder

if you might— God, this intro is long. I

hate really long intros in games before

you can actually jump into the gameplay.

Does she think you're not working? She

thinks I'm just playing video games all

day and studying stocks.

Isn't that mostly true?

Yeah, but I'm also making videos and

streaming. How's this minigame?

What? I will guide it with my mouse.

What do I do? I'm being chased by

a little red thing. This is such a weird

What? Why do I go so slowly?

What?

It slows down when it gets there. Oh, I

have to press space to give it a speed

boost. What a Weird way of doing spells.

Takes an hour or two to get the broom.

Cast Revidio. There, I saw something.

Move a bit closer and try again.

How? Ah. A door.

Well, that's a start. There's that symbol

again. I don't suppose you see a way to— I

do, Professor. That symbol has the same

glow as the one I saw in the portkey

container. If what you can see reveals the

way forward, then I dare say we are about

to discover the secret of this vault.

Lead the way.

Lumos! This is no ordinary vault. I

suspect we will need to earn our way out

of here. What do you mean earn our way

out? Do you think this is some sort of

test? I do,

but to what end I can't say. Stay close.

There will be no disapparating if things

go poorly, not out of Gringotts.

Maybe the Thai school idea. I mean,

it is the cheapest idea to— I mean, it's

the cheapest way to stay in Thailand. For

a year. I think it's only about £600 or

£700 for the course, and you get a year—

one-year student visa.

We've actually got to study because if

they do checkups and you keep failing the

test, they'll think you're not studying

properly.

No, the student visa is not 14K. That's

the Thai Elite visa. If I was rich, I'd

just get the Thai Elite visa. I don't have

to go to a stupid school.

I don't want to spend 4— you know, I've

only got like 21,000 in total.

If I spend 14,000, I'd only have about

6,000 left. It's pretty scary considering

my channel doesn't make— my channel is

very hit and miss now. Most time I don't

get views, and but sometimes I do. It's

not easy making good money on YouTube

I got a bunch of warnings from OnlyFans as

well. They took down a bunch of my posts.

Wait, saying I broke the guidelines.

They took away— they took down all of my

content where I put stuff up my bum, like

the spatula, the sausage, and the yogurt.

It said putting things that

penetrate you that are not intended for

penetration is against the rules. When did

they make that change? I've had those

videos up and pictures on OnlyFans for

years and never had a problem.

So putting stuff that's not supposed to be

put up your bum is against the rules on

OnlyFans. Luckily they didn't ban me.

All the stuff that got taken down was

where I put weird stuff up my bum.

Now the reflection is turning towards me.

It does follow the light. I guess dildos

are allowed. And also the video where I'm

in the Airbnb and I'm trying on this

woman's clothing and jerking off in it,

that got taken down as well. So I don't

know if jerking off in your Airbnb host

clothing is against the rules as well.

That's why I liked Airbnb, because it was

like you were sneaking into someone's

house and then jerking off on their stuff.

Yes, weird. Dildos are okay, but then a

frankfurter wiener, it's not okay.

Okay, so do I just spam the mouse button

for the combat?

Wow, this is such a great combat system.

Oh, there's one dude.

One, one doesn't do anything.

I don't think I have any spells.

You should be able to charge up your

attack to do more damage.

I'll use Protean. I wasn't

reading it.

Did I get in trouble jerking off with the

Airbnb owner? I don't think he found out,

but I rummaged through his clothing. I

found women's clothing,

like girls' panties. I wore them and then

I jerked off in them in the air. I mean,

on the OnlyFans video.

It's pretty why I got banned on Airbnb.

Professor, Professor Fig, Professor,

where are you? That's pretty degenerate in

Germany with the Airbnbs. I met this

German girl, she was a viewer. We

basically had sex all over the first in

one of the Airbnbs.

That's why I'd never want to do Airbnb.

Why would you let strangers come and stay

in your house that you live in? A lot of

these Airbnbs in Germany, they're actually

people's homes and they just rent them out

to Airbnb when they go on holiday. It's

not like they're managing a business or

something professional. That's how Airbnb

was intended to used.

So they would have all their stuff in the

Airbnb.

So far the game's kind of boring. It's

like very basic and generic puzzles

and stuff.

I just want to get to the school and get

into like the proper part of the game.

What do I do? Activate statues. Okay,

how? I need

to align these statues with their

reflections.

How do I move them around?

Activate the statues. How?

This does nothing.

Uh, rebellion.

Lumos. Ah,

they follow the light. I see.

Oh, they're getting up.

What about this one? It seems

I have no choice. I'm going to have to

fight my way out of here.

Hold Q to stun enemies with Stupefy.

Combat's kind of boring so far. I need to

get some spells. I hope it's

like World of Warcraft when you play a

mage where you get different spells. I

mean, you do get different spells later.

Where's Professor Fig?

Oh, this way.

Imagine— I mean, the spatula up the bum

got me banned on Airbnb. Imagine it gets

me banned on OnlyFans too. They took away

my spatula up the bum posts, stupid

OnlyFans. What's wrong with putting weird

stuff up your bum? Maybe they think it's

dangerous and they wanted this discourage

people from doing it.

There you are. How did

you— what

is this place? I don't know, but I found

this floating above the basin.

That is no mere basin. That is

a Pensieve for viewing memories.

I wonder— they also took down my sex doll

video. The one in Japan with the

full-sized one. What's wrong with that?

I didn't know there was like a big change

in the guidelines recently.

I have to have a look at the rules again.

I want to make some stuff when I go to

Japan. I actually found some apartments in

Japan which aren't too expensive.

One of them is about £1,000 for a month,

which is not bad. I'm already

struggling to decide what I want to do in

Japan. I had a look at some capsule

hotels, had a look at some guest houses.

A capsule hotel for a month would be like

£600. Maybe I could stay in one for a few

weeks. Thanks for the experience.

We are entrusting the one who embarks on

this path with powerful secrets, with

knowledge others will do anything to

obtain. Yes, and if we are correct,

Charles, the witch or wizard who completes

the trials will have proven themselves

worthy of that knowledge and the

responsibility that accompanies it.

Is it far from Tokyo? I'm going to Osaka.

I'm only looking at places that are near

Namba and the center. I don't really want

to live far away from the center.

Guest houses are definitely the cheapest

option, but I don't know if I really want

to live with people. Magic, to be precise.

The magic that Miriam had always believed

existed but could never— I don't

know, what if I meet some cool people at

the guest house and it's fun? George died

in pursuit of knowledge that has been

dormant for centuries. It might be fun.

And you, it seems— I just need to open up

a bit more. Are the key to understanding

why. Say hello. I'm just very scared of

people now after the whole YouTube

experience I had being so hated.

It's kind of made me feel like, wow,

people really hate me.

Am I not worried about crossing Chihiro?

I think that's unlikely.

It would be funny if I accidentally bumped

into her.

I don't think the Thai girl can afford it.

She spent a lot of money recently. She

spent— she spent like £500 on her car

repairs, and then she spent nearly

£1,000 on her house recently.

She found someone to live in the house,

so she had to buy furniture to make it

I don't know how she did it. She got a

sofa, table, loads of stuff. She could

have asked me to come with her to help

her, but she didn't ask me.

And she had to pay the real estate agent

to help her find a tenant too, so she

spent a lot of money. I don't think she

could afford to buy the ticket. And even

if she came, she could only come for a

week and she'd have to go back by herself

because I don't think— I don't know if

Thailand would let me back in again so

soon. They might do. Some people

say you can do a visa run twice in a year,

so I'm not sure how long I want to stay in

Japan. No way out.

Oh, are you

all right? Fine, sir. I've never seen so

powerful a goblin. He seemed wholly

unaffected by my magic.

Where are we?

It can't be. It seems those

who set up the Pensieve, the locket, and

the path to both wanted someone with your

ability to end up here.

Come, we have a sorting ceremony to get