Why I gave up on my dreams and goals in life

Hello, welcome back to a new video. So

today I wanted to talk about why I gave

up in life. And, you know, just looking

over the past decade, looking over the

years that have passed and just trying to

pinpoint exactly, exactly when I changed

and why. So I would say the year 2013

was a very pivotal moment in Daniel's

life. I mean, in my life, Because I'm

Daniel. It's just kind of funny thinking

back on it now because pre-2013 Daniel was

completely different. You'd be so shocked

if you could see pre-2013 Daniel. He was

like a whole other different person.

So before 2013, I had quite a few

ambitions. I had dreams. I wanted to

become a successful person. I wanted to

live life how everyone else was living it.

So that would be studying something and

then going to university, getting

qualifications, and then getting a good

job. And my biggest dream in life back

then was to become fluent in Japanese. I

really wanted to become really, really

good at Japanese. I wanted to become

fluent and perfect, and people would be so

impressed with my perfect Japanese. And I

wanted to enter Japanese university and be

able to get some kind of qualifications

and be able to live in Japan. My biggest

dream was always just to be able to live

in Japan and be able to find work there

and be able to find a girlfriend and then

settle down. And yeah, I was very

motivated, very driven to try and make

that dream come true. I went to language

schools, I studied Japanese, I passed

exams, I tried to enroll in colleges

and schools, and I was even looking into

Japanese universities and trying to find

out how I could join one. And I was

looking into stuff like, how can I get a

job in Japan? What kind of qualifications

do I need? How do I get a degree? And I

was really, you know, inspired by a lot of

people that I met at the guesthouse who

were already living this life. There were

lots of English teachers at the

guesthouses I met in Japan in 2010,

2011, and I looked up to them so much.

I thought, wow, I would do anything if

I could live their life. They've been

living in Japan for years. They've got

permanent visas, they've got jobs.

They've got, you know, a fun life, social

life, girlfriends, friends. And I wanted

that so badly. And I really, really tried

hard. Well, I guess I didn't try hard

enough because I ended up failing

miserably. But in the beginning, before I

gave up, that's what I really wanted in

life. And 2008 until 2013,

I guess I gave it my best shot. And as you

know, I failed everything and kind of lost

interest and I lost my motivation around

2013. Things just weren't going anywhere.

I kept going back to Japanese guesthouses.

I kept trying to find people to connect

with. I kept trying to study Japanese but

failed the tests and I just couldn't get

any motivation to want to study anything.

I lost all motivation and interest in

joining a university and getting a degree

or qualifications and getting a job. And

that's when my mind started to shift

towards how can I make money on the

internet? And I think I just want to go to

Japan as like a tourist and then stay

there for a few months or half a year,

try and find Japanese girlfriends, have a

good time, have a lot of you know what.

And I thought, well, it's not exactly what

I envisioned when I was in my early 20s,

my teenage years. It's not exactly what I

thought I would end up going for.

But I thought, well, it's just so

difficult. I can't, I can't do this whole

living like everyone else does. I don't

have the willpower to put in the work

required to get the degree and get

qualifications and get the job and get the

visa. And then even if I did get those

things, how long would I be able to stick

to it without giving up eventually? So I

just kind of settled with the idea of

being a traveler who just traveled to

Japan, tried to meet up people, and

hopefully tried to get married to someone

so I could find somewhere to live and

settle down with. And sometimes when I

look back at my marriage, I feel kind of

stupid because I realize that I actually

managed to achieve those goals. You know,

I found someone to marry, I got the visa,

I had a ticket into Japan. I could have

just lived in Japan for the rest of my

life. And, you know, I had a decent thing

going with my YouTube channel and I just

kind of lost interest. I, in the

beginning, I loved it. You know, I loved

being married. I loved having a partner.

I loved having my own home in Japan. I

loved being able to make videos and I felt

really passionate about it too. And then

as with everything, as with all of my

hobbies and interests, after a year or

two, I just completely lose interest. I

don't know why. I don't have a single

hobby that I have just stuck with. I've

had loads of hobbies in the past. You

know, I was really into drawing anime,

and then I was really into anime, and then

I was really into learning Japanese. I was

really into coding at one point. I was

really into World of Warcraft. I've been

really into a lot of things, nearly

everything, and I've lost interest in

pretty much everything. Even to this point

now, I struggle to make videos and keep

the channel going because I just, I just

don't really enjoy the creation process

anymore. You know what they say about

having 2 brains? You got your left brain

and your right brain. So your left brain

is like the creative one, isn't it? And

then your right brain is like your

analytical, logical machine brain.

And I think my brains are switching,

shifting over because I was very

left-brain oriented. In my early

teenagers. I mean, in my late teen years

and my early 20s, I was very creative,

very into art and creating something

artistic and expressing myself.

And over the years,

that has kind of withered away,

especially last year since I got into the

stock market. And now I just feel like my

left brain has completely died. I don't

have a creative bone in me left anymore.

I've got no interest in art. I don't have

like this artistic flair or passion when

it comes to making videos because I used

to be really into videos as an art form.

I used to be really interested in the

whole cinematography kind of video

art form and wanting to express myself and

using my unique perspective to get my

point across. And that all just went away.

And all I can think of, all I'm interested

in now are kind of boring things like

stock numbers and business and finance and

economics, mostly number-based

stuff and charts and very

algorithmic-based things. So as you may

already know, I'm really into the stock

market now and day trading and stuff like

that. And I can do that all day and not

really feel bored. I just find it really

fascinating and interesting, even though,

you know, I guess I suck at it since I

haven't really made big amounts of money

yet. I think there's a football game going

on. I can hear screaming and shouting and

cheering. I have no idea where it's coming

from. There's a stadium right in the

distance, but it's so far away there's no

way that sound's coming from there.

Anyway, Getting distracted. What was

I saying? Yeah, even though I haven't

really done— I'm not really that great at

trading. I haven't made much money,

actually. I lost more than I've made. But

I do find it interesting. And that also

makes me feel a bit sad that I've lost all

of my artistic interests because my

channel, my videos always came from a

place of artistic drive and wanting to

express myself. And now that I've lost

interest in that, it's really hard to stay

interested in video creation.

And I'm not sure how I can get that back.

Maybe I can get it back somehow if I find

some kind of inspiration. You know, like

all artists, they have like artist's

block, artist's wall, where they just

don't really find or feel any inspiration

from anything. Then they go on travels and

they go to museums to try and get

inspired, I guess, don't they? So it's

been 8 years now since I gave up my dreams

of trying to become a better human being

and trying to become successful and having

a job and all that jimbo jambo. And now

my brain has just been completely rewired

into the whole, how can I make money

on the internet and not have to get a job,

not have to study and do all that stuff?

And that's basically what my whole life

has become. Trying to find out how to make

money without needing a job. And that's

all great and everything, but sometimes I

do miss the pre-2013 Daniel. He was so

motivated, he was so full of energy and

inspiration, and there were all these

people that he looked up to and wanted to

become like. And it's kind of sad to have

to say goodbye to him. I think the main

problem is I just give up way too easily.

I I gave it a few years. I give things a

few years to try and achieve something.

Like, I kept going back to Japan trying to

find the perfect girlfriend, trying to

find perfect Japanese anime life. And then

after a few years of not being able to

achieve that, I guess I just kind of

thought, oh, this is so difficult. I'm

just going to bang old women and married

women. And it's not as good as my dream

of the 20-year-old young, cute Japanese

girls I had envisioned, but it's better

than nothing, isn't it? Every single time

I meet some kind of resistance,

I just give up or I bounce off the

resistance like a stock chart bouncing off

a resistance line, dropping back down to a

support line. I just hit that wall of

resistance. I bounce straight off it

instead of trying to break through it,

and I just give up and I kind of shift

courses towards a more an easier

direction, an easier path, and that's a

really bad way of living your life. If

everyone was like that, no one would

achieve anything difficult, society

wouldn't progress and succeed, and then it

will just kind of fall into stagnation and

wither away. And now that I think about

it, I've always been like this ever since

I was a young child. I don't know why I

became like this. Who knows? There could

be lots of different reasons and different

factors that were incorporated into my

personality that made me become a really,

really lazy person. I think as far back as

age 15, I can remember being really,

really lazy when I had this paper round

job with my friend, and we used to deliver

the newspapers during the summer on our

bicycles around our village, and we were

supposed to carry on doing the job even

after the summer holidays ended, and I was

supposed to go and help him after school.

And I was so tired after school and I

completely forgot that I promised I was

going to help him. And he phoned up

saying, Daniel, where are you? I'm

waiting. We got the newspapers to deliver.

And I basically just said, uh, I can't be

bothered. I'm really tired and I'm

watching Sonic. Sorry. And then my mum

ended up having to go and help him

instead. And then, yeah, that was, um, at

the time I didn't really think anything of

it, but looking back at it, wow, what a

bad friend I was. Even as a kid, I had

very little motivation. I had no desire to

become good at anything apart from beating

some video game. Even video games, I

wasn't very good at them. I kind of sucked

and I never finished a lot of the games I

played. Excuse me. At school, I had no

desire to want to study and know a lot of

things and become good at anything and

pass all the exams. I had no interest. I

just wanted to kind of drift through

school as easily as possible,

lowest effort, minimum amount of effort,

and just kind of exist daydreaming,

waiting until school ends so I can run

home and play video games and watch

cartoons. That's all I wanted to do in

life. I didn't want to succeed at

anything. I didn't want to be good at

anything. Didn't really have any interest

in that. I just wanted to enjoy the things

I enjoyed and not have to do the things

that I didn't enjoy.

And that's where I am now. You know, I'm

still doing that 20 years later, doing the

things I enjoy, not doing the things I

don't enjoy. And what does it result in?

Results in a life of boringness and

emptiness, and girls aren't interested in

you because they think you're a loser.

So, yeah, well played, Daniel. Good,