Do I look white

I don't like it when Japanese people or

Asian people tell me that I don't look

like an Asian person. I don't like it when

they say that I look like a white person

because I think that's a load of rubbish.

I don't look white at all. Sometimes when

I'm on Tinder and I'm talking to Japanese

girls, I like to ask them, do you think I

look Asian or do I look white? And a lot

of the times they'll say that I look white

with slightly Asian features, and then

there's even a small handful of people who

say, you don't look Asian at all, you look

completely white. And that actually kind

of irritates me because if I didn't look

Asian, then I wouldn't have been bullied

relentlessly on a daily basis for 5 to 6

years when I was in secondary school. I

was bullied so much as a kid because I

look Asian. And then to come to Asia and

then be told that I don't look Asian, I

feel like it's kind of insulting because I

suffered so much as a kid for for looking

Asian, and I just feel like it's kind of

strange that there's actually some Asian

people or Japanese people that think that

I look Western or white. I've never felt

like I wanted to look more white. I've

never felt like I wanted to become a white

person, ever. Actually, when I was

younger, I wanted to look more Asian. I

wanted to have a smaller nose like Asian

people do. I wanted to have straight black

hair. I wanted to have slimmer eyes. I've

never once thought to myself, I wish I

looked more white. I wish I could become a

white person, because I was bullied so

much for looking Asian, and I didn't want

to let the bullies win. I didn't want to

let them succeed in making me feel unhappy

or ashamed about looking Asian. I wanted

to embrace my Asian looks. A big reason

for why I wanted to come to Asia in the

first place wasn't just because I wanted

to have sex. It was also because I see

myself as an Asian person. I feel like I'm

more of an Asian person than a white

person. And I wanted to come to Asia

because I felt like I, I would fit in more

here. I feel like I fit in more in Japan

than I do in my own home country. I feel

like I look more like a Japanese person

than I look like an English person. And

that feeling of fitting in, feeling like

you fit in somewhere, is very powerful.

And I enjoy feeling like I fit in when

I'm in Japan. I don't like it when I'm in

England and people think I'm a foreigner.

I feel like I don't belong in England.

Kids come up to me in England and they say

things like nihao or where you from?

Thinking that I'm a foreigner when I'm

from England like they are as well. When I

met Tomoko, who is this Japanese woman

that I met online, one of the first things

she said to me was that I looked really

white. She said that I didn't look Asian

at all. And when she said this,

I felt really irritated. I felt annoyed

because I didn't understand how she could

think that I looked like a white person.

I could understand if she said that I

looked a bit like a white person, but to

say that I look completely like a white

person and not Asian at all was just

craziness. And I found it to be kind of

insulting because like I said before, If I

didn't look like an Asian person, I

wouldn't have been bullied for so many

years as a child. It's really strange

because English people or Western people,

they always think that I look really Asian

or they think I'm fully Asian. But when

I'm in Asia, the opposite thing happens

and Asian people tell me that I look

really Western or white, and some even

think that I'm fully Western. And it

just feels like it doesn't matter where I

am or where I go. I, I can never truly fit

in with the other people. Asian people

spend most of their lives looking at Asian

faces. They spend most of their lives

around Asian people. So when they see me,

they don't really notice the Asian

features. They notice the Western features

more. And to Asian people, my Western

features stick out more to them. So to

them, I look really Western. But then when

I'm in the West, when I'm in England, the

opposite thing is true. Western people,

white people, they don't really notice my

white features because they're used to

seeing white faces all the time. And they

notice my Asian features the most. My

Asian features stick out to them the most.

And to them, I just look like an Asian

guy. And as a half-Asian, half-white guy,

it can feel kind of confusing because you

keep getting, you keep getting told

different things. In England, I get told

that I look Asian. In Asia, I get told

that I look white, and it was very

confusing at first. It's funny because

when I'm in Korea, when I go to Korea,

Korean people seem to think that I'm

Japanese. For example, in the airport when

I wanted to exchange my currency, I said,

can I change this money into won, please?

And then they responded to me in Japanese

even though I was talking to them in in

English, in a British accent, which they

probably didn't even know was a British

accent. They replied to me in Japanese.

I'm guessing it's my hairstyle that makes

me look like a Japanese person. I

definitely don't look like a Korean

person. My ex-Korean girlfriend, she would

say all the time that I, I stuck out like

a, like a sore thumb in Korea. I looked

completely different to everyone else. If

I went to a clothing shop in Korea or like

a marketplace, the sales assistants,

they'll come up to me and they would start

talking to me in Japanese. Sometimes when

we were walking around in the evening

around restaurants, people would come up

to us and they would ask me directly in

Japanese if we would like to go to their

restaurant to have dinner. And I actually

felt really happy about this. I took this

as a huge compliment to be mistaken for a

Japanese person because when I was super

into anime, I thought Japanese people

looked really cool, especially the

hairstyles. I know that when a Japanese

person or an Asian person tells me how

white or Western I look, I know it's a

compliment. I know that in Asia,

Western people are seen as very

attractive, and lots of people in Asia,

they want to look Western, they want to

look white. They do things like they wear

colored contact lenses, they dye their

hair, they get their skin lightened so

they look fairer. But in England, it's not

like that. I've never been complimented

for looking Asian in England. People tease

you for looking Asian in England.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have

been like if I was raised in an Asian

country. I wonder what my life would have

been like if I went to school in Japan,

for example. Would I have been bullied for

looking white? Would the other kids make

fun of me for looking like a white kid?

Would they say things like, go back to

England, go back to Europe, go back to

America? Would they make fun of how big my

eyes were? Would they make fun of how big

my nose is? Would they make fun of how

wavy my hair is. For some reason, I don't

think that they would. I get such strange

compliments from Asian people all the

time. They say things like, oh, your face

is so small. You have a really high nose.

You have nice big eyes. I feel like these

are really strange things to compliment

someone on. They're such specific details

on, on your face. I've never heard a white

person compliment someone saying, oh, you

have such Such nice fat lips. You have

such nice high cheekbones. You have such

nice straight black hair. That's just

weird. To be honest, I do actually enjoy

the attention sometimes. I do enjoy being

complimented. I enjoy being in a country

where people actually think that I'm

attractive. Why would I want to be in

England when people tease me for looking

the way that I look? There's not really

much I can do about my face unless I go

full Michael Jackson mode and get all

kinds of plastic surgery to make myself

look like a British person, but why would

I want to do that? I wouldn't want to do

that. I'm not ashamed of what I look like.

I'm not ashamed of how I look like, but at

the same time, I don't want to be in a

country where it feels like the majority

of people think that I'm unattractive or

they make fun of my appearance. I want to

be in Japan or Asia where people actually

think that I look cool or that I look

handsome. People say this a lot to me.

They make fun of me about this. They say

that I have to fly all the way across the

world to Japan to be able to find

girlfriends or to have sex. And yeah,

that's, that's kind of true. I would have

a very difficult time trying to find a

girlfriend in England. I would have a

harder time in England trying to find

someone to have sex with me. But the

way I see it is I have 2 options. I can be

in England where people don't really find

me attractive, or I can be in Japan where

a lot of people do find me to be

attractive, and it's not really a hard

decision to make when it comes to deciding

which country I want to be in. I still

feel kind of insecure about several things

when it comes to my face. I wish— I still

wish I looked more Asian. I wish I had

straight hair. I use a hair straightener

every day. I wish I had a smaller nose. I

wish I had smaller nostrils. I wish I had

a rounder face. But at the end of the day,

It's just a face. It doesn't really

matter. We're all born with the faces we

have, and there's not much we can do to

change it unless we take drastic plastic

surgery. Really, it's not important what

your face looks like. What's really

important is the kind of person you are

inside. It's more important to be a

decent, good person than it is to have a

really attractive face or the ideal kind

of face that you would like to have.