[2024-12-31] last stream of 2024 + bad news [YJxdF3Sfk6M]

Testing,

testing.

Congrats on zero credit card debt.

Thanks, all thanks to you guys.

Yeah, I guess a lot of you didn't see

yesterday's stream.

If you didn't know, I got the credit card

down to zero. Now I'm putting together a

plan how to get the

rest of the debt down.

Yeah, I have some bad news. It's kind of a

sensitive topic.

I'm not really sure how to approach it.

I thought I was going to approach it with

anger, but I don't think

that's wise, but I don't want

to get all sad and mopey about it either.

I don't know

how to address it.

How am I? I'm not good, to be honest.

Kind of having an existential crisis.

So basically,

uh, Sunny said she's not coming over next

week. And then

she said she thinks we should take a

So now,

now I'm gonna return her Christmas present

back to Amazon.

I just— I don't understand why things

keep changing. Like,

literally every week it changes.

Like, it goes from everything's fine and

we're discussing a ski trip and a London

trip, and she's like looking forward to

coming and see me. And then not even a

week later, she's like, oh, I don't think

this is working, Daniel. We should end it

because of this and that and this and

that. And then a week later, it's like,

oh, we're still meeting again.

And then we talk about our feelings and

everything's fine again. And then like not

even a week passes and then again, it's

with the Oh, I don't think this is gonna

work. But within the space of weeks,

it's like whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh,

whoosh, whoosh. And I'm literally not

doing anything. I'm not doing anything

differently.

I'm just like me. I'm just like how

I've always been. I'm just doing my

thing, like going to work, making money,

doing my streams. I don't know what

is causing the oosh, oosh, oosh, oosh. I

don't know,

like, what is going on in her head.

Like, it's impossible.

I feel like I'm trying my best to do

everything right and it just won't go

smoothly.

So she said she got a job interview and

she can't come and she's going to cancel

the bus ticket. I didn't really

handle it very well and I got mad. I'm not

proud of it, but I used the F-word. I did

lose it.

And then she got mad at me because I was

mad. And then I said sorry, but I feel

like it was too much damage done. Too

late. Too, too, too late to fix the

damage I caused.

And then she says we should just take a

break. And she said maybe if things

change, like the situations change, uh,

we could have a fresh start in 2025.

She said because she's looking for a

full-time job, it will mean that she won't

be able to come and see me.

And I said, you had a full-time job in

Japan, didn't stop us from seeing each

other. And then she said, because we

didn't have a 6-hour driving distance

between us in Japan. Yeah, it was only

like 2 or 3 hours, a couple hours more.

So basically she wants to get a full-time

job where she lives, and she doesn't see

how we could keep seeing each other,

so she thinks it's better to take a break.

So yeah, I don't know, it's just a real

headache.

It's not like— it's not

like I want to

do it like this forever, where she or

one of us has to drive 5 to 7 hours to see

the other one. Like, I thought the

ultimate goal would be we live together.

And then she's obviously upset about the

whole I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend

thing.

I didn't even know it was such a big

problem.

Until, I don't know, maybe a month ago.

I've never had to ask any of my exes to be

my girlfriend. It just happens without

having to, to ask them to become my

girlfriend.

So then I said, I was planning to ask you

next time you came. And then now she says,

I should have asked her months ago. I

didn't even know months ago I had to ask

her. I've never asked anyone to be my

Is that like a British thing or what?

I've had like 7 exes. I didn't ask a

single one of them to be my girlfriend.

It was just assumed from what we were

doing. It was assumed that she was my

girlfriend without having to say it.

Isn't that normal? What do you guys do?

I didn't realize it's such a big problem.

So then every time I would say stuff, she

would be like, but we're not even

together.

So I'd always have that thrown back in my

So I said, I said that I'm not just

thinking of her as like friends with

benefits,

but she seemed to have just assumed that I

didn't want a relationship with her. And

then I said, I never said that. I said,

if things go smoothly, then I would be

open for us to be in a relationship. But

things didn't go smoothly. Like, every

week had a fight about something.

How am I supposed to, like, make things

official and stuff like that when it's

so volatile?

We can't— I can't ever get the next

meeting done and booked in and locked in

without there any— without there being any

bumps in between from the previous

meeting.

I don't know why there's such a big

problem. Like, I like her and she likes

me. What is the problem? This is probably

the most problematic relationship,

or not relationship according to her

because I didn't even ask, that I've ever

been in, where all the problems are so

weird.

You think, what's the problem? We both

like each other, we both get on great when

we're together. Why is there a problem in

the first place? And then all the problems

are like these weird little things like,

oh, I didn't text her for 2 days,

or she assumes all these things that I've

never said. Like, she assumed I wasn't

willing to get a place near her and we

live together. I never said that.

Or she keeps accusing me of not really

liking her or not really being interested.

When I actually like her a lot.

It's been so frustrating.

It's like you just keep trying to tell

someone you like them and they keep

doubting you.

It's called shit testing. Yeah,

I know. I see it now. She just brought up

the whole, I've got— maybe she didn't even

get an interview. Maybe it's just like a

test. To see how I'd react, and I didn't

react very well. You know, how,

how do you react if you were planning to

meet up and you were like in your mind

100% sure it was going to happen, looking

forward to it, and then all of a sudden

they're like, oh, sorry, I can't come,

canceling it?

Well, am I really supposed to stay calm?

Maybe if someone died or had like a

serious accident, then I

can't really complain about it.

I think she got mad again because I didn't

text her on the weekend, on Saturday

and Sunday. Last Saturday and Sunday.

So yeah, I don't know what to do now.

It's just been so stressful.

Oh, thanks, Rami. Women are weirdos, I

swear. Wishing you a positive 2025 with

more new and exciting arcs, grin, and

thanks for entertaining us throughout the

years. Why don't you guys FaceTime?

I said, I said, let's phone. And then she

didn't want to phone because she was with

her family,

so I couldn't even get her to talk on the

Do I not say good morning, good night

every day? No?

That's just weird.

I didn't know that was required. I didn't

think she was like that.

Wasn't Mila like this? No.

I didn't have any of these problems with

Mila. I didn't text Mila every day.

If she wants to text every day, why didn't

she initiate the texts? But she wants

me to initiate the texts and then I don't.

And then she gets mad.

I don't want to seem like, like I'm

obsessive, like messaging every day.

It just doesn't— it seem like a bit

It's just such a silly thing to— I

just think it's so silly.

It's like everything else can be great,

and then because of this one thing It

all gets ruined.

So yeah, great ways to end 2024.

Dumped again after Christmas. And then I

said, are you dumping me? And then she's

like, how can I dump you? We're not even

together. Again with that.

I, I don't even get a chance to ask her to

be my girlfriend if we only meet like

once every 2 or 3 months.

There's— I don't know, it's like not many

opportunities to ask in person. We only

met once before the time where

I realized it was a problem.

She's looking for an excuse for a way out.

Yeah, that's what it feels like. It's like

she, she wants to find

a reason to not do this anymore because

it's like stressing her out.

But I don't even know what she's stressed

out about. She keeps

saying this is not working, it's not

healthy. Yeah,

because you're making it not healthy. It

was fine. I felt like it was going pretty

well.

Like she's trying to sabotage it so she

can end it.

And then when I confront her about these

points, she just comes back at me with

anger, like starts attacking me about

stuff. So it's like impossible to talk

It's just crazy to think Everything

was fine like 2 days ago,

and then it all blows up in my face.

So yeah, I just— I don't know what to do.

My goal is I want to be in a loving

relationship where we just get

on well and things go well. Why is it so

difficult?

She's obviously stressed with her family.

I don't know, like the whole family

situation.

So they're all gonna move house,

and apparently they depend on her

financially, so she's like stressed about

money. And wants to get a full-time job

to support the family.

Why don't the family work?

I could never imagine having to

financially support my sister and mum.

Maybe I'm just lucky my sister sorts out

her own life. My mum has a double pension.

I don't have to worry about looking after

my family.

I would never financially support my

sister.

So she's under like all this stress and

pressure to get a job that pays well,

and I guess she just sees me as like a

negative. Not really adding much.

So yeah, I don't know, I tried to come up

with solutions, but she doesn't seem

interested. She just seems like she wants

to end it. And focus on herself and her

family and not worry

about relationship stuff.

It's just really disappointing because

I can honestly say when I'm with her I

do feel really happy. I really enjoy her

company, and she's probably the most fun

I've had just

in terms of like hanging out and doing

stuff together. I never feel bored.

It's just a shame. It's like things,

things in the in real life part are great

and then things on the online part are

So I just— I don't know what to do with my

life anymore.

Because I feel like I've tried everything

at this point. I tried moving out and

getting my own place. That went terribly,

remember? Didn't really help to get a

girlfriend at all. I tried going overseas.

It doesn't really help either.

It's not like guys who have good jobs and

their own places, it's not like they don't

have their own relationship problems.

See, I don't know what to do. I don't

want to spend my whole life alone.

It's so boring.

I think what I want is pretty simple.

'Cause your whole life can't just be work,

work, work, work, work, and then play some

video games. That's just sad. I don't want

my whole life to be like that.

I don't want the only social interaction I

have to be with my mum.

What abusive Japanese ex?

She's got issues of her own she'll never

admit to. Yeah, she did start

telling me a bit about it.

I didn't put any effort in the

relationships. I don't know,

I feel like I've been trying my hardest

I don't really know how I could do things

differently. Like, maybe text every

day. Do you really think that's gonna fix

the whole thing? I think if just not

texting every day is able to sink the

whole ship, then it wasn't a very strong

ship in the be— beginning.

That shouldn't be the reason why stuff

fails. That's like a

minor problem.

I think so. What I think is the main

problem is she feels

insecure and doesn't— I'm

not providing enough conviction

that I really want her.

So she's like second-guessing and doubting

our future, and then she wants to

preemptively kill it before it gets bigger

and then becomes more painful to have to

end later down the line. That's what my

thinking is,

like she's scared And doesn't

see this going— ending well, and then one

thinks it's best to end it now than later.

But I don't know what I've done to make

her feel so scared.

Maybe I didn't take enough action, like go

and drive down to where she lives and just

show up. Oh, it's because we

already talked about this. We agreed it

would be better if she came here,

and I never said I never want to go down

and see her. I'd said I'd love

to take a road trip, book a hotel.

When did I ever say I'd never want to do

I'm not even saying all this stuff, and

then she's just Assuming it.

She said, she said we wouldn't have this

problem if she had her own place in the

UK. But if she's gonna get

a full-time job, wouldn't she be able to

get a place? And then wouldn't that solve

the problem we're having? Why does Why? I

don't understand why she thinks because

she gets a full-time job, that means we

have to end things or go on a break. When

wouldn't her getting a full-time job mean

that it provides the solution to

the problem, which is the long-distance

thing?

That makes no sense to me.

What? A couple has to break up because one

of them gets a full-time job? The only

situation where that would happen is if

the one person is moving to a different

She doesn't want to be the provider.

Obviously I would pay my share. I'm not

like expecting her to pay everything.

Do you believe she can get a full-time

job? Yeah, why not? She's got a degree,

she's got experience,

shouldn't have any problems getting a job.

So yeah, I don't know, like, what if this

is actually the end and I never see her

again? Then what?

So I did some AI-ing.

Apparently I can get out of the car PCP

contract if I've paid 50%.

So if I pay 50%, then I

can get out of the contract and not have

to pay anymore, as long as I haven't

driven over the mileage I agreed to,

which I don't think I have because I

agreed to 10,000 miles.

And I've paid like 40— because I already

paid £4,000 for the deposit and I paid

about 5 4-month payments. That means I've

paid about £4,500 out of the £12,000. I'd

only have to pay another £1,000-ish.

I could get out of the PCP contract and

then not have to pay the remaining

£6,000-ish.

So I don't know if that's something worth

considering.

I'm just like trying to see what my

options are here.

God, everything this month has been just

so rubbish. I get banned on Amazon. I

fight with Sunny probably like 3 separate

times. Trying to fix things every time.

I get really sick over Christmas, and then

she tells me she's not coming when she was

supposed to be coming next week.

Why does everything seem to fall apart at

the end of the year?

Yeah, I regret— I regret losing my

patience when she told me about the job

interview. I should have just said

congrats and then kept my mouth shut.

But I couldn't.

No, we've been planning her coming next

week for like the past few weeks. She

booked the bus ticket a couple weeks ago,

and then she was saying it's maybe

sometime around spring she and her family

are moving, so she might have to look for

a job. And then

all of a sudden she said she got an

interview. For next week.

And I was like, what? You're just

going to cancel coming here then?

Why doesn't she get the train? Cuz the

train, you have to go into London and

She said she feels safer if she gets the

I said, why can't you get the full-time

job and still come over and see me? She

said, I can't come over just for the

weekend. Why not? We met up for the

weekend in Japan.

Everything now is like, can't, can't,

can't, can't, can't. When in Japan, none

of this was a problem. And then she says,

it's not the same as in Japan now.

How is it not the same though? It is the

Why don't I go to her? Well, I would if

she didn't keep dumping me.

And she seems busy, like she always seems

really busy with her family. So then I

don't know when I'm supposed to go.

And also I kept getting sick. I was sick

in October, then I got sick again. I was

trying to focus on Amazon Flex to make

money, get this credit card paid off.

I thought if I did drive down to her

place, it would be sometime next year.

But it's really hard to plan anything when

she keeps trying to dump me every other

week. I don't even know if we're going to

meet again. How am I supposed to plan

stuff like a 500-mile car trip

and book this and book that. I'll book all

this stuff and then she might be like,

oh, I don't think it's working out,

Daniel, sorry. And I'll be like, what?

But I've booked everything. And then

she'll be like, oh, well, things change,

sorry. It's not like we're together or

anything. That's what would happen.

That's why I was scared to like actually

make any plans.

I hate it when people can't make up their

Why are you even entertaining her at this

point? Because I really like her,

believe it or not.

Is this Mila part 2? I mean, it feels that

way. It's exactly the same time frame.

March until December.

I met Sunny in March, didn't I?

And then it break— it, it break— we break

up after Christmas.

And then it's like the whole same thing

about not being in the same

place in life, or I don't know, not Not on

the same path in life at the moment.

Everyone is on the same path in life.

Everyone just wants the same thing. Money

and love and stability. How is

what I want any different to what she

I don't know

what to do now.

I reckon I can pay off my mum. By March

if we're going to set goals.

I'll probably go back to work tomorrow. I

feel much better now. I just want to make

sure I'm not lightheaded. So if I make

about £50 a day Uber Eats plus £6.50

YouTube,

Minus about 500 expenses,

might be able to make 1,600 a month.

In 3 months I should be able to make

5,000, and I'll sell off a bit more stocks

to make 7,700. Probably sell my

crypto by then.

So if I just focus on Uber Eats for the

next few months, I should be able to get

this £7,000.

And then after that, I don't know what to

do really.

I just don't

Like, I get that it seems kind of lame

living with your mum.

But I don't think just moving out and

getting your own place and living

independently is like the magic cure.

I lived on my own for like 7 or 8 months

in Manchester.

No one cared.

I don't feel like the problems we were

having can be fixed with money.

Pudding is here,

Daniel.

The pudding. I thought you're going out.

Yeah, there,

pudding is

here. Somebody asking for pudding.

What, what are you looking for?

Something heavy so it won't blow by the

Yeah, so I don't know if If I had like a

million billion pounds,

how's that going to fix anything?

Unless she likes— unless she wants to stay

with me because I'm a billionaire, then

that's not really a good reason, is it?

So what is the problem? Like, I don't text

enough. How is money going to fix that?

And then the other problem is she doesn't

believe that I actually like her. How

would that change if I had £1 billion?

Yeah, exactly. So it's not about money,

is it?

What I'm saying is all the money in the

world couldn't fix these problems.

Unless it's like an unhealthy way of

fixing the problem, like, oh, you don't

have to get a job now because I'll just

give you the money. I don't think she'd

want that.

Are you showing her with your actions that

you care?

How?

Got her a Christmas present, didn't I?

Now I gotta return it to Amazon.

Has she shown actions that show that she

cares? Apart from coming

all the way here, because I'm not saying I

wouldn't go all the way there. I just

haven't had the opportunity to.

And I went to her place in Japan.

I rode the train for like 2 hours.

You chase her.

That's a tricky one because I

was trying to play it cool, you know, to

not seem like my whole life revolves

around her and I'm like obsessed with her,

because that's not good either, is it? So

I was trying not to be like that. So I was

trying to be relaxed and

calm, and then she interpreted that as me

not caring or just treating it as like a

casual fling.

But when I get like, if I don't hide the

emotions and I just let them out, it

usually comes out in a toxic way.

Like I become all insecure and angry and

I'm like, why? Aren't you doing this?

This isn't fair. And then they get mad

back at me because then they're like,

well, I did this, you didn't do that. And

then it just becomes a mess. So I was

trying hard to avoid it becoming like

Maybe I went too much in one direction.

I didn't realize you had to like fight to

make a girl know that you like her. I

thought you just tell them you like them

and then that's it, and then they just

believe you. Why would they not believe

you?

I didn't realize it'd be such an uphill

So not only is finding a girlfriend

difficult, but keeping her is also

difficult because

it's like she's constantly— every day they

question you more and more. Like they

question your actions more and more,

whether you actually like them or not.

And then you have to keep doing these

things. They're like a balloon that's

floating back down to the ground, and you

keep having to go to stop it from touching

the ground. It's like that. It's like the

ground is covered in needles and they're

the balloon, and you've got to keep the

balloon up.

It doesn't just stay up on its own.

Looks like you learned nothing from

previous relationships.

I've never had this kind of situation in

any other relationship.

Have I even done long distance? I feel

like all my relationships start and then

end without there

ever being long periods of time where

we're— when I was married, we were apart

for a couple of months, but we were kind

of technically broken up because after my

dad died, I did that thing.

With Sayaka. Yeah, when I was like 17 or

18, I had online relationships and yeah,

I would message them every day. But then I

realized they're going to break up with me

anyway. Look at Sayaka. I put 2 years

into messaging and phoning her every

single day and then she still lost

interest. So I felt like So

that doesn't work. What's the point then?

Oh, c'est là.

Ah, it's really tricky. I don't know.

Last time she came over was so nice. We

went to the cinema, went to the zoo.

Played Resident Evil 7. I had

no idea there was anything wrong. I felt

like, wow, this is going so well.

What could possibly go wrong?

Yeah, all the problems happen when she's

gone and then she's texting.

If there was like a problem, why didn't

she bring it up at the time?

She doesn't bring this stuff up in person,

and then I can't even talk to her on a

phone call because she won't want to do a

phone call. So then all this stuff happens

over text, which is like the worst way to

She didn't want a phone call. I said, can

we phone call? And she said no.

For some reason, her family is always

there.

I think, you know, they— when things are

fine, don't really need a phone call, but

I think if it's a serious conversation

Maybe a phone call would be better.

Why can't she step outside? Well, that's

what I thought. She said she didn't want

her family to hear us arguing.

She's doubting the relationship. Do you

even know where it would go? Well, ideal

situation would be we find a place to live

together and then she'll get a job and

then she can send money back home and I'll

do my thing.

Yeah, her family knows that she comes to

see me, and she knows that I'm a YouTuber,

but that's it really.

I seriously can't imagine Sunny and Daniel

settling down. Yeah.

I have tried to picture it.

Most of your future plan doesn't seem to

include her. Yeah, because it's hard to

make plans when the person keeps

seeing— seemingly wanting to end things

every week. How am I supposed to plan

I don't know what to do.

Let's say, let's pretend it's March and

I've made the money and I've paid off my

mum and I'm debt-free. Then what?

Then I gotta pay off the car, which is

like £8,000 plus

£5,000 balloon payment if I want to keep

Sunny seemed kind of chill when you met

her in Arasaka. Yeah, exactly.

I thought she was great. I had no idea it

would become like this.

Like, she was so understanding in Arasaka.

She would be like, oh yeah, that makes

total sense, that's completely normal. I

don't understand why so-and-so does this

and that, and then she'd be like sticking

up for me. And now it's like all that's

changed, and then she's like criticizing

everything I do.

And I'm like, who is she?

Why am I into Sweet Japan, Sunny? I

honestly feel like it's a completely

different person sometimes.

I feel like the family is like a big

contributing factor to

her worries and stress.

They seem really tight-knit.

Is that a bad thing?

Um,

if your goal is to have a relationship,

it's difficult when there's like external

factors. Complicating it.

Now obviously I understand family is

important to her and all that.

But I want to build a family of my own.

It doesn't mean having kids. You can have

like a kidless family.

So basically what I'm saying is I'm

not happy.

I'm not happy with how my life is as it is

right now. I don't feel fulfilled.

I want someone to spend time with and

laugh, share things with,

have a future with.

How'd you get that?

Like, a lot of people seem to think all I

want is sex. I don't care who it's with,

as long as I'm having sex, that's all I

want. But that's just so not true.

I hate that people think that's what I'm

like. Yeah, sure, okay, I like sex,

but I want more than just sex on its own.

Why is that so hard to get people to

understand?

What, because I made one video like 7

years ago?

Well, she just said if this— if things

change, if the situation changes, she

would be open to us having a fresh start.

But now I don't know if I— I don't know if

she's watching this. Or if she's

gonna see stuff I said,

I probably destroyed any chances now.

But I don't even know what that means.

Like, she says we should take a break

because it's not working, but then she

ends it with She's open—

I mean, if the situation changes,

we could start again or something.

Yeah, that's what Mila said, and she

said sometime later down the line if we

are in the same place. There's so many

similarities now I'm looking at it.

If she said she doesn't want a

relationship right now, she says she's too

stressed about everything else.

Find the proper job, save up, show you're

financially stable.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean anything. I

could get a job and then get fired in 2

or I'll get bored of it and quit.

I've had a job for 5 months. What do you

mean? What, does delivery driving

not count as a job?

Low earnings.

I mean, yeah.

I don't think any girl who's looking for

money and richness is gonna look, look at

me as their first choice or even 10th

I mean, that's why I mostly only got older

women before, is because they don't really

care about money because they've already

set themselves up. And they're living

alone. They're just looking for company.

But I kind of like my low-stress life

where I just do YouTube and I do a bit of

delivery. I don't want to like train

and climb the corporate ladder and wear

a suit and bust my balls off.

I just want a simple life.

And someone to share it with.

Can't support family and kids?

I think you could. You would just have to

budget and be broke.

And have a dual income and

have low expectations, like not

being able to spoil your kids with a Tesla

Model Y on their 17th birthday.

Either beg or move on. I did. I tried

pleading. I was like, what if I got a

place where you live? And then she was

like, I didn't think you were willing to

do that. And I said, I would be willing.

And I said, it's an option. And she said,

yeah, it is. That's why I said if things

change. Well, I'm not going to go and get

a place near her if I feel like it's over.

How can I make big big

changes when she keeps dumping me

every week.

So yeah, I really don't know what to do.

Move on? How though?

Move on to what?

All these other goals, they're too

difficult, like buying a house.

Trying to get a house would take minimum 5

years of working. I need

smaller bite-sized goals.

I feel like the final goal would be to get

a house, but it's

so difficult. You either need large

amounts of cash or you need to be able to

get a mortgage, and then you're trapped

paying a mortgage.

I feel like the house is like the, the big

end goal. It's the end game.

Everything else is just little, like cars,

phones, whatever.

The house is the main thing.

But I really like my house here.

I like this house.

So yeah, really the only thing I can do is

just build my savings and

try not to waste it and

then wait for things to get better.

But it's the day-to-day grind of of

nothing to look forward to that just kills

me.

And then nighttime comes and you're just

lying in bed and it's all dark and

you're trying to fall asleep. And you know

tomorrow is going to suck too.

Yeah, Blood Bucket's runes lied. Her rune

said if you want Sunny, you have to choose

her or she's not gonna choose you. You've

got to decide.

That didn't turn out well, did it?

You're being really depressing today.

Yeah, well, I feel like I got nothing to

look forward to. The only

Beacon of light at the end of the tunnel

was seeing Sunny. Now she's taking it

away. I don't

know why I can hear Morse code.

Where's that coming from? It's like do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do.

It's like coming from the attic.

I wonder what it's saying.

Yeah, Dave Gibson does do Morse code. I

wonder if it's him. But how— why would I

be able to hear it?

Because it gets sent over radio frequency.

Maybe the wires are picking up the

frequency.

I don't know who's doing it.

I feel like my life's so fucked up.

Before, I always felt like, oh, I'll just

move to Japan, or I'll just meet a new

woman.

That would solve everything.

Now I'm burnt out on doing that.

Your happiness shouldn't be dependent on

having a girlfriend. Yeah, I know, it's

bad.

Women are like an addiction, like gaming

or drugs. They make— they can make you

feel so good, and then they can make you

feel so bad. The most gut-wrenching

pain you can ever feel is probably when

you get dumped by someone you really like.

I've been through it before, and I thought

to myself, I never want to do this again.

It was horrible. It literally makes you

feel like the

world is empty and everything is

pointless. It makes you feel like this big

when things are going well and you feel

like the luckiest guy in the world. And

then it all comes crashing down and you

just feel so shit. Like, you feel like

such a loser and everything

just feels so pointless.

Like, oh, there's rich people, they get

brokenhearted and disappointed and have

relationships problems too, you know.

It's not just because, oh, you're rich and

you got businesses and stuff means you're

immune to it.

But it's so easy to just be going along in

life And then you feel like everything's

great. I'm doing fine.

I'm not going to fall for those traps.

And then someone comes along and then it

just like changes your life. And then you

feel like the best you've ever felt.

And then it just doesn't go well. And then

they want to step out of it and end it.

It's like the wind gets taken out of your

sails. It's like you're on a little boat

and then your sails just snap off and fly

away, and then you're just drifting around

in circles in the middle of the ocean.

That's what it feels like.

All I want to do is to be able to sleep

well at night without my eyes wide open

staring into the darkness,

without feeling like I'm

full of regrets and I'm so stupid I messed

everything up.

I can't even play video games.

You find girlfriends pretty easily.

Yeah, but I wish I could just find one and

stick with it instead of having to change

every half year or something.

Oh wow, thanks.

Yeah, second time I get dumped after

As soon as you obsessed, she'll lose

interest. Yeah, so I play it cool and then

she thinks I'm not interested, and then I

show too much interest and now she gets

the ick because I'm like obsessed

now. Can't win, can you?

I wouldn't mind getting back to work,

um, but I don't really think it's going to

solve the problem. It's just going to,

like, numb the problem.

Well, if she didn't like me, why did she

buy Rainbow Six and start practicing?

I thought that was a pretty sure sign.

I don't know what is going on with Sunny.

Yeah, me too. That's the problem.

So basically, she told me she got a job

interview next week, so she can't come

when we've been planning her coming next

week for weeks. So I got mad and then I

said the F-word, which was not a good

way to react. And then she got mad back at

me and then she said we

should take a break.

'Cause she's, she's gonna have to get a

job and then she won't be able to come and

see me much, if at all.

And I said, well, I can't just come on the

weekend? And she said, 'cause I live too

far away.

No, I said, uh, fuck's sake,

Sunny, you really mess me about sometimes.

And then she was like, what,

thinks you have the right to demand my

time? I'm not obligated to come and see

you.

I never said she's obligated. It's just we

planned that she was going to come and see

me, so I thought— Yeah,

she's not wrong, but I didn't say that you

are obligated to come and see me,

and I didn't say I don't— I didn't say I

have a right to your time. So the way she

worded it all It's so silly.

I'm not demanding anything. I'm just

saying I'm upset because I thought you

were coming next week.

Now obviously I know her

going for the interview is probably more

important than coming next week,

even though I don't like it.

I just didn't handle it well.

Why not cry a little? I already cried last

night.

But what's I supposed to be like? Oh,

congrats on the interview. Good luck.

It's okay. We can plan another time for

you to come over.

Yeah. And if I was like that, she'd be

like, oh, you didn't seem like you really

cared if I was going to come or not.

And then she said if she gets a job,

she'll likely have to start work.

Straight after. And then I was like, so

you're just never going to come then?

Because if she gets the job and then

she'll just have no time to come over.

And then she said,

yeah, that's why this isn't working,

because I'm going to have to start work

and then I won't be able to come over.

She said that's why long distance doesn't

Yeah, well, we could discuss solutions to

not make it long distance anymore. Who

says it has to stay long distance?

It's not like we're trapped in forever

long distance. Live in the same country.

There's millions of people who are in

relationships and they got full-time jobs.

Why does getting a full-time job mean you

have to break up?

I thought she didn't want to get a job.

She kept saying she didn't want to work.

I'd rather she not want to get a job than

just be broke, to be honest.

How long will I mope around, Sunny?

Well, do you see things getting better?

How— tell me, how's life going to get

What do I have to look forward to now?

Go to Japan.

I don't want to go to Japan and date

40-year-old women.

I'm sick and tired of dating 40-year-old

If I was 50, I wouldn't complain about

40-year-old women if I was 45.

I wouldn't complain about 40-year-old

women, but I'm still 35. I don't want to

date women in their 40s.

Is this how you want to start off your

year? No. I thought I'd start off my year

by clearing the credit card debt and feel

good about that. And then see Sunny on the

first week, and then we have a good time,

and then we have like a serious talk to

try and strengthen the relationship,

try and iron out some of these problems.

Now she's saying I should have asked her

months ago to be my girlfriend. Well, so

if I asked her to be my girlfriend, she

said yes, and she's my girlfriend, then

the problem we just had wouldn't have

How would it make any difference?

So she was upset because I didn't make her

my girlfriend, and then now I

suggest it, she's like, it's too late,

I'm not looking for a relationship now.

But you were a couple months ago.

How can you go from wanting Or being upset

because I'm not saying that you're my

girlfriend, which implies you want to be

my girlfriend, which means you want to be

in a relationship. And then like 2 months

later, now she doesn't want to be in a

relationship. What?

How does everything just suddenly

violently change within weeks?

Get some goals to be excited for.

What can I get excited about?

Material things don't really excite me

Phones, computers, gaming stuff.

I realize it doesn't really make me happy,

so that's off the equation.

Having a car doesn't really make me happy,

so No

goals about buying stuff are going to be

any use. It can't be like,

I want to buy this. No, buying stuff

doesn't fix anything. It just gets you

into more debt and then you've got more

junk lying around and then you get bored

of it and then you sell it. So buying

stuff, no.

What else can I look forward to?

Being successful in something will make

you happy. Yeah, that's why I was happy

when my YouTube channel was doing well,

because I thought I was a good YouTuber.

And then that all came crashing down.

People didn't watch my videos because they

were good videos. They only watched it

because the algorithm was promoting my

channel and I had momentum. After the

momentum disappeared, people didn't care

about my videos anymore, even though they

were the same, or even if I tried to make

Yeah, I thought I had something special

with my YouTube channel, but all I had was

momentum.

I think the problem with happiness is it's

one of those things where— it's like a bar

of soap. The harder you try and grip it,

the more it slips out of your hand. The

more the sun blows, the tighter you grip

your coat, but then when the sun comes

out, you take it off yourself, don't you?

I think really the Buddhist monks have

understood happiness is that you don't

chase it or look for it. It's just, it's a

state of being. And then you gotta let go

of all this greed, like you want money and

girls and all that stuff. That doesn't

make you happy. It makes you think you're

happy, but then it actually makes you

miserable.

I think really just being happy is like

letting go and accepting and

enjoying the present. And it's just

something probably really boring like

that. It's not like this, oh my God, wow,

I've discovered happiness.

It's just something really boring and not

interesting.

So I could try and learn something to get

a better job, or I could save up money to

start a new life in a new country. Which

would just lead to being broke and

depressed and end up being back

here anyway. Uh, what else can

Sign up for a course at the college.

Then I could drive to the college at

But everything's a risk. Everything costs

money to do. You're not guaranteed it's

gonna make any money or lead anywhere.

How much does it cost? Like, $5,000?

$10,000? How much does

it cost to buy equipment to start a

business? $10,000? $15,000?

Having money lets you feel smug and

you feel like, oh, I'm doing better in

life than all these people who don't have

money. It gives you this

feeling of smugness. Yeah,

I remember having £30,000 in stocks and I

told my sister and she was like, how do

you have £30,000? And honestly, it felt

good. To see— to hear the surprise in her

voice when I told her how much money I

had. I liked it.

I think I'm gonna start working tomorrow.

Back to McDonald's.

At least that'll make the time go by.

What's the bad news? Sunny canceled her

bus trip to come here.

She said long distance doesn't work.

Imagine how different things would be if

she just lived an hour away. Why does the

universe have to be so cruel?

She could have lived anywhere in the UK,

and then the stupid universe had to make

her live At the opposite end of a corner.

She's right, though. Yeah, I know this is

not ideal to have a long-distance

relationship, but you're

supposed to come up with a plan so it's

not long-distance anymore. The long

distance is just a temporary thing. It's

not like a forever thing. It's not like,

oh, we're going to be together as a long

distance couple forever. Why does it have