i have a problem

So I don't know if I've actually told you

this before, but I feel like I'm

developing a bit of a gambling problem. I

buy scratch cards when I'm at work. It

started off just buying the £1 scratch

cards, just maybe every now and then,

like maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Uh,

and then I moved on to the more expensive

scratch cards because, well, The more

expensive scratch cards say that you have

a higher chance of winning than the cheap

scratch cards, and you get a higher

chance of winning a larger amount of

money. For example, the £5 scratch card,

there are more chances of winning because

there are more games on it. The £1 scratch

card, you only have like one game, and if

you've lost that, then you don't win any

money. So It started off just a few times

a week buying a few scratch cards just for

fun, but now I find that I'm buying a

scratch card every day at the end of my

shift. And I'm not buying the £1 scratch

cards anymore, I'm buying the £5 scratch

cards. There's this new scratch card we

have at work, this limited edition

Christmas one, and it's like one of those

advent calendars where you're supposed to

open open a window every day until

Christmas and you get one chocolate. But

this scratch card, you get, uh, 24 boxes

that you're supposed to scratch off one

box, one panel a day. But I ended up

scratching off the whole lot all at once.

I didn't even know you're supposed to do

it one a day. I mean, why would you do it

once a day? If you buy it, you might as

well just scratch off everything all at

once. And I bought this £5 limited

edition Christmas scratch card, and, uh,

I actually won. I won £10, and it was so

exciting. You know, it's so exciting when

you win. It feels amazing. Obviously it

feels like shit when you lose, but you do

win sometimes. I've won a couple of times,

but usually it's just like a small amount.

For example, you'd buy the £1 scratch card

and then you just win a pound, and then

you buy another one with the pound and

then you lose it. So in the end it's kind

of pointless. That's what happened with

this Christmas card scratch card. I won

£10 and then I spent the £10 buying 2 more

of those Christmas scratch cards, which is

kind of stupid because what are the

chances of winning 2 times in a row on the

same scratch card? You might get lucky and

win once, but you're not going to win 2

times in a row. That's just stupid. I

should have gone for a different one, but

nope, I wasted that whole £10 buying

the same scratch card and I lost. And it

feels terrible. It makes you feel really

angry. Like, you feel angry because you

wasted the money, and you also feel angry

because it feels like the scratch card

cheated on you. It's like, how dare you

lose? How dare you not have a winning

combination? It feels like they've

insulted you and you want to get back at

it by buying more. And more until you've

actually won something. But the prizes

are so nice. There's the, um, low-value

prizes like £5 to £10, but you also get

the high-value prizes. You can win up to

£200,000 on some of them, and it's just so

tempting. I wonder if there's actually a

winning scratch card in that whole pack

for £200,000. That would be crazy.

I wonder how much it would cost to buy the

whole pack of scratch cards. I find myself

wondering sometimes. Maybe, I don't know,

maybe there's like 50 cards in the pack

and £5 each. What's 50 times, um,

5? £250? Is it

worth spending £250 on a whole pack of

scratch cards? Because if there's a chance

of winning £250,000, then I would

say that that's worth the money. Is it

worth the money? I don't know. What if

they're all duds? What if only a few of

them will win you back like £5 to £10?

Then it would be just a huge waste of

money, wouldn't it? That's the problem

with gambling. You keep, you keep spending

money in the hope that you're going to win

big. That you spend so much money and

that even when you do win big,

you've just— all you've done is, um,

you've won back all the money that you've

lost. You haven't really won anything

unless you win big at the beginning. But

if you've spent like £1,000 on scratch

cards and then you win big after that,

like you win £1,000, then you haven't

really won anything. You're just back to

square one. So that's, that's something

you have to be careful about. I don't

really feel like there's a problem buying

a scratch card every day, like the

£1 scratch card. I work 5 days a week, so

that's £5 a week, £10, so that's

£20 a month out of my paycheck to scratch

cards. £20 isn't really that much when you

think about it. From, um,

out of my whole month's pay, £20 isn't

really a lot. So that's how I kind

of, um, what's the word?

That's how I convince myself that it's an

okay thing to do. I don't know if I'm

gonna get banned from buying scratch

cards. Maybe the boss won't like it.

She'll step in and say, okay, enough's

enough, Daniel. You've been buying too

many scratch cards. You need to stop.

Maybe that will happen. Maybe I need to

start buying them secretly. You know

what's a date— what, something dangerous

that's happening? There were a few times

when I got a scratch card and I didn't

actually pay for it. Don't tell anyone. I

just tore the scratch card off, I

scratched it all off, and I didn't win

anything, and I was just really pissed off

and I just chucked it in the bin. I didn't

even pay for it, and it's so tempting,

but I decided it's best to stop that

because they could easily find out. If

they did a stock check. I'm not sure if

they even check the scratch cards. I mean,

there are hundreds of scratch cards in the

roll. How are they going to notice if just

one scratch card goes missing? I don't

think they would notice, but then they

might see it on the cameras. They might

see me tear off a scratch card, and then

they might look at the, um— because when

you buy something from the shop, you're

supposed to do staff use and then print

off a receipt and write your name on it so

they know what you've been buying. So if,

if they're missing stock, then they can

see that you've paid for it. But I guess I

could just do that and then not actually

put the pound into the till. I'm such a

bad employee. I really

should stop that. I only did it twice. I

only took off a couple of scratch cards

and scratched them off and then chucked it

in. The problem is I chucked it in the bin

and the Bangladesh guy actually saw it in

the bin. So I had no choice. I had to pay

for it. I just slipped in the pound coin

just to cover my tracks. I was so stupid.

Why did I put it in the bin? Like, that's

leaving evidence. Leaving evidence at

the scene of the crime. So stupid of me.

He said, did you win anything on the

scratch card? I said, no. I was like, how

did you find out? How did you know that I

won a scratch card? I don't even remember.

It was just so automatic. I chucked it

into the bin. Anyway, the highest amount

I've ever won on a scratch card was £10.

So in total, I've probably spent like £15

on scratch cards and I've won £20.

It's not really much to get

excited about, but I'm just hoping, you

know, praying that one day I'll get the

£250,000 prize and it'll

make the whole thing worth it. But I don't

think it's gonna happen. There must be

like a 1% chance of winning that huge

prize. It's not gonna happen. You might as

well just give up. Might as well just give

up. It's just so exciting, gambling.

But it's a dangerous— it's a slippery road

to, um, it's a dangerous road to start

heading down, isn't it? I don't think

there's any problem with buying the £1

scratch cards now and then. They're not

too expensive. But the £5 scratch cards

and the £10 scratch cards, they're just

crazy. You know, some people come in,

they spend £20 on scratch cards, and then

they might win £5, and then they ask for

another scratch card. You're just wasting

all your money on scratch cards and you're

not really winning anything. You're just

giving money to the scratch card company

in the end, aren't you? Just for what?

For a few seconds of excitement? For the

small chance that you might win a huge