I'm going back to my wife

It's been a few months since

me and my wife separated, and we've

actually been talking recently, and I

might be going back to her. We might be

getting back together. She messaged me out

of the blue asking me if I was coming back

to Japan, so she must have heard me

talking about going back to Japan. And

then I replied with yes, and then she

asked me if I was going back to her, and I

said I'm not sure. Would we be able to get

back together if we wanted to? And then

she said, yes, that could be a

possibility. And then we were talking

about things. I asked her what she was up

to, and it was a bit strange because she

didn't seem angry at all, and she was

using the, the Japanese version of LOL at

the end of sentences, so she was laughing.

And she said that thanks to me, she's kind

of become a little bit famous. And I asked

her what she was talking about and she

said 2 guys recognized her.

2 people recognized her. One guy at a bar

and then another guy at her English class.

They approached her and said that they

recognized her as my wife. And then she

said that they were talking about things

like the German girl and me getting

ditched in Germany. And she was— she said

that they were laughing about it, which

was a bit strange. If it was the other way

around, I don't think I would be laughing

about her sleeping with another guy or

trying to sleep with another guy. So I

asked her how come she's laughing about

it, how come she's not angry about it

anymore, and she said, well, it's been a

few months since we separated and time has

passed and she's not really feeling angry

about the situation anymore, which is a

bit strange because she was really angry

when I went to London to meet that

girl, and then she started going on about

suing me. So she was obviously very angry

then, but now she's not angry at all,

which is a bit suspicious. And then I

asked her, didn't you promise your mum

that you wouldn't see me again? She said

yes, and then she said that if we did get

back together, then she wouldn't tell her

mum or her family, and it would be a

secret, which would be a bit weird. But I

guess that's a good thing because if we

got back together, then at least I don't

have to worry about meeting her family

anymore. I would have went to Japan

sooner, but I've been waiting for my new

passport to come and it finally came. My

old one expired. Got my old one about 10

years ago with my dad. He, um, he took me

to the photo shop, helped me get it all

sorted out. This is the first time I ever

had to get my own passport sorted out, so

that was quite Quite exciting. Well, it

wasn't really exciting, but it wasn't as

difficult as I thought it would be. But

look, I have a nice new pass— passport.

It's all shiny and golden. So I have my

passport. I booked my plane ticket

already. I've booked my Airbnb. I won't be

going straight back to her. I guess we

should live separately and then maybe meet

up and then see how things are between us.

She said to me she doesn't know how she

feels about me anymore and that we'll have

to meet up. Again for her to be able to

tell if she still feels the same way for

me as she used to. And she said that

something feels different between us now.

I don't know if that's a good thing or

not. Um, we haven't really been messaging,

messaging each other every day. We

messaged last time. Last time we messaged

was about a week ago, so it's not like

we've been messaging every day. She seems

a bit Um, what's the word?

Distant? Withdrawn from me?

I don't really know how serious she is

about us getting back together. Well, I

think the fact that she hasn't handed in

the divorce papers yet is kind of a good

sign that she's willing to get back

together with me. If she was over,

finished, finished with me for good, then

she would have handed in the divorce

papers by now, wouldn't she? I want to

talk about the reasons why I decided to

leave her because it's not quite as simple

as some people might think. There were

several reasons and factors that led to

me making the decision that I wanted to

leave her, and now that a few months have

passed, I'm not sure if those decisions

were the right decisions. I don't, I don't

think that the reasons why I left her were

very good reasons anymore. So number one

reason was obviously my dad passing away.

My dad passing away was obviously a big

shock to me. And it was very hard for me

to accept. And I didn't want to leave my

family home, didn't want to leave here.

And the idea of going back to Japan and

being so far away from my family and far

away from here was something I wasn't

really ready for. I wanted to stay here

because I just felt more spiritually

connected to my dad. This is like the last

remnants, the last physical remnants of my

dad's existence. You know, he did

everything. Everything you see in this

room was all done by my dad. The carpet,

he laid it. The wall, the paint on the

wall, he painted it. The skirting board,

he put it up there. The curtains, the

windows, the heating, the doors,

every single thing. Even those mirrors,

he put them there for me. This closet,

everything you see right here was built or

done by my dad. And I just wanted to stay

here, you know, so I could feel closer to

him now that he's gone. This is the only

place that I could be where I can feel

close to him now he's gone. Even looking

outside, all those plants, he planted

them. These gardens, he maintained them.

Those hedges, he used to trim them. And I

just wanted to be here, you know, it just

made me feel better inside. But now it's

been a few months and I'm starting to

accept the fact that he's gone,

and I feel like I'm, I'm nearly ready to

move on. And I feel like I'm in a stage

right now where I can move away from this

place and I feel comfortable moving away

from this place. I've taken baby steps to

Germany and London. I think I'm ready to

go back to Japan. Okay, so the number 2

reason why I thought it would be a good

idea to leave my wife was fangirls,

basically. So for most of my adult life,

I've always struggled to get the attention

of girls. And then last year, early last

year, I kind of became YouTube famous. I

know that sounds stupid, but I came— I

became kind of YouTube famous and I was

getting loads of attention from girls,

getting loads of nudes from very

attractive girls. Not, not these old

fatties that I'm used to getting in Japan,

but actual young cute girls in

their 20s, slim. Pretty girls,

and it was great. For the first time ever

in my life, I was getting attention from

attractive girls, and I just kind of felt

frustrated that I couldn't do anything

about it because I was married. And I kept

thinking to myself, wouldn't it be great

if I was single again? I could just meet

up with these fangirls anytime I wanted to

without upsetting my wife, and it would be

so much fun, and we'd have all this

cereal, and I'd finally be able to have

cereal with these young cute girls. And

then I tried it out. I went to London, I

met a couple of people, I went to Germany.

You know the story, the Turkish girl, the

German girl. And well, to be honest,

let's just say that it wasn't so great.

It turns out that meeting up girls just

for some casual cereal isn't as fantastic

as you might imagine it. Sure, it's fun

for about 20 minutes and then it's over.

And then you're back to feeling empty

inside and it's not really fulfilling.

And if I had to choose between all of the

random encounters that I've had recently

in London and Germany, if I had to choose

between those and my marriage, my wife, I

would choose my wife every time over those

one-time serial encounters. I guess it

made me think my wife is actually a pretty

good wife and she's actually a pretty good

match for me. And I actually prefer her

over these encounters that I encountered.

These random encounters that I had

recently were just all so disappointing,

not very good, kind of annoying.

And to be honest, right now I don't really

get that much attention in the DMs. I

think a lot of girls are scared that if

they do meet up with me, I'm gonna say bad

things about them on YouTube, which is

understandable since I have a history of

doing that now. I guess I guess I deserve

that reputation. And quite frankly, I

don't really care anymore because it's

such a pain having to go all the way up to

London and then booking a hotel and

spending all that money when I have my

love doll. And honestly speaking, in a

lot of ways, the love doll is actually

better than all of those random

encounters that I had in London and

Germany. It's almost as good as the real

thing, and I feel like my— I just feel

like my primal man urges go away now that

I have this love doll that is a pretty

good substitute for the real thing, and I

wish I got it earlier. And when you have a

love doll, there's no problems, there's no

drama, there's no fighting or complaining.

I'm not going to lose any subs because I

said bad things about my love doll, am I?

And the third reason is actually quite

simple. Being single isn't really that

great. Being alone isn't as great as I

thought it would be, and I feel pretty

lonely and hollow and empty compared

to last year when I was married. I didn't

really feel empty or hollow or lonely, so

I've had to compare now to when I was

married. I, I think I was a lot happier

when I was married. So in conclusion,

I'm going to Japan very soon. And we

might be getting back together. There's a

good possibility of that happening. It's

not 100% decided. It's hard to tell until

we actually meet up and see how things are

between us. I know I've done a lot of

damage to the relationship, and if she

doesn't feel the same way about me like

she used to, then I guess,

I guess then we will get divorced and

we'll have to move on. I was a bit worried

about my visa situation since obviously my

spouse visa has now expired. I was a bit

worried that I might not be able to get

back into Japan, so I phoned up the

Japanese embassy in London and I asked

them, I explained my situation, and they

actually said that if I wanted to renew my

spouse visa, I would have to ask my wife

to send me a certificate of eligibility

send it to me here, and then I take that

to the embassy in London, and then they

can renew my spouse visa there. But I'm

not sure if, if we're going to get back

together again. I'm not sure if I'll be

needing the spouse visa to be renewed. I

think that before I get my spouse visa

renewed or applied for again, I think that

we should decide if we're going to stay

together or not, because if we're not

going to stay together, then it would be a

waste of time reapplying for the spouse

visa. So I asked him if I could just

re-enter Japan as a tourist again, as a

visitor, and he said yes, there shouldn't

be any problems. He said just because I'm

married and I have an expired spouse visa

doesn't mean that I can't enter Japan as a

visitor anymore. So that's reassuring.

I was a bit worried that I might turn up

at the airport in Japan and they'll say,

um, your spouse visa has expired, you

can't enter. Sorry. Also, there's no time

for her to get the certificate and then

send it to me and then for me to book an

appointment at the embassy and then go up

to London. There's no time before— there

wouldn't be enough time before my plane

leaves, which will be quite soon.

I'm not going to tell you the exact date

because I don't want to get, you know, I

don't want to get attacked at the airport.

So I guess I'll be seeing you all in Japan

quite soon. It'll be a bit strange going

back after everything that's happened,

but And I guess it was expected that I

would eventually go back since,

let's face it, England's pretty boring. I

don't really feel attracted to any of the

women here, and I don't really feel

independent. I just prefer being in Japan

more in general. And if me and my wife do

get back together, hopefully, hopefully

I'll be able to get the spouse visa again

as a tourist without any problems.

Hopefully I won't have to come all the way

back to England to apply for it in the

Japanese Embassy at London. And then have

to go all the way back to Japan again.

That would be a bit annoying, but I think

everything will be fine. Hopefully I'll be

able to change from being a tourist to a

spouse again, just like we did the first