I'm stuck in Japan and I feel depressed [qrJVVwHmUmE]

So we're going to immigration now so I can

pick up my spouse visa. Oh look, it's

immigration, my favourite place in Japan.

Not. I had to buy

this tiny stamp to get my visa. It cost

¥4,000. It's quite pretty. And now we're

waiting for my number to be called.

Hopefully it won't take too long.

若 い ね 君。 キ ャ ロ、

ラ オ ク、 ラ オ ク。 ミ ャ オ ミ

ャ オ。 ほ ら こう いう 時 の ため に 猫 の 餌 用 意

し とか ない と。 うん。 Meow

meow.

Meow meow.

Look at

this. Someone put a bunch of beer cans

here and they're spinning around. So

strange, so random. Look what I got!

I am an official spouse or child of

Japanese national. That means I can stay

in Japan for a total of 1 year until

2019, 2nd of May.

And this bit says I can work. I can get

any kind of job I want to, no limitations

on how much I can work. And here's a photo

of me looking very excited.

And I'm supposed to fill out my address on

the back of the card. I have to go to the

city hall to officially register my

address, otherwise— otherwise I'm not sure

what would happen, but they said that I

had to do that. Hey, so, um,

I guess— I guess I'm stuck here. Stuck in

Japan, the country that I've always wanted

to live in since I was a 17-year-old kid.

I got my visa, got my spouse visa.

Yay! I'm actually kind of surprised how

easy it was because I read so many horror

stories on the internet. People were

saying things like, oh, you're going to

get interrogated, they're going to probe

you about every aspect of your

relationship to make sure it's an actual

proper relationship. People were saying

there's no way they're going to give you a

spouse visa because You only met— you only

met each other a few months ago, and your

visa— your tourist visa is about to

expire, and it looks really suspicious.

They're never going to give you a spouse

visa. Oh really? Because it turns out they

actually gave me a bloody spouse visa for

1 year. A whole year! And I'm supposed to

renew it every single year before it

expires. And I suppose this is good news.

It is good news, isn't it?

I am happy about it, don't get me wrong.

It's just that now I feel like, okay,

what's next? I've accomplished nearly

every single goal that was on my goal

list. Live in Japan, find a girlfriend,

find a wife, find a way of making

money that I enjoy. I feel like I don't

have any more goals in life. I don't know

what to do next. I'm not really interested

in having kids. I'm not really interested

in making more money. I'm making enough

money, okay? I just don't

feel like there's any more challenges

left, and I feel really bored. I have

about another 40 years left to live. I

think I could live until maybe 70. What am

I supposed to do until then? 40 years is a

long time. It's a long time to be bored.

How am I supposed to keep myself

entertained? If I find everything boring.

Anyway, I do feel kind of relieved that

there's no obstacles anymore. Getting the

visa was like the biggest obstacle in my

way, and now I have the visa,

yeah, I do feel a lot less nervous. I feel

like I can relax a bit. I can start

planning for long-term things. It's just I

don't have any long-term plans right now.

I've just been doing a lot of thinking

Thinking about my future, thinking about

whether or not I made the right decision.

It was either this or go back home to

England and just sit in my room in my

parents' house doing pretty much nothing,

doing the same thing that I'm doing now.

At least now it feels like there's been

some kind of progress in my life. Doesn't

feel like I've just gone back to stage 1

or square 1. Something that I hated most

about my life was every time I tried to do

something new, or it didn't matter what I

did, I always ended up back at square one,

back at my parents' house. And it just

felt like my life wasn't going anywhere,

and I was sick of that. I just saw

everyone else around me, everyone else's

lives were going somewhere. They were

getting into relationships, moving into

their own places, progressing with their

careers, and I was just at my parents'

place playing World of Warcraft, playing

video games, watching porn, going to

Japan, then coming back home to England

every single year, year after year. And I

was just doing the same things and nothing

was changing, and I wanted— I wanted

some— something to change. Anyway,

I've made my bed and now I have to sleep

in it. I chose to stay in Japan. I chose

to Try and get the visa, and I guess now

I have to live in Japan. I'm not sure how,

how that's going to work out. I've never

stayed in Japan for such a long time.

Longest I've stayed in Japan before was

about 5 months, and now I've been here for

nearly 8 months, and I guess I'm going

to be here for the rest of my life if

things carry on like this. It's not a bad

country to live in. It's actually one of

the best countries to live in. That was

why I chose this country to live in in the

first place, because I think it's a good

country. It kind of irritates me when

people keep saying, you're in Japan, why

don't you go outside? Why don't you go to

interesting places? Why don't you do fun

things in Japan? I've been to Japan 8

times. I've been coming here since 2010.

I've seen pretty much all of the tourist

attractions. I've seen the other, you

know, non-touristy places. I've eaten

everything in Japan apart from fugu or the

whale. Actually, I've eaten whale. I've

already done all of those touristy things

that people do when they come here as

tourists. I'm not really a tourist

anymore. I'm just a British guy living

here like everyone else is living here,

just doing their daily life.

This isn't really a— this isn't a travel

channel where I introduce you to

interesting things in Japan. If you want

that, go and watch Abroad in Japan. Or,

you know, one of those 100 other YouTube

channels where they show you amazing

things in Japan. That's not what my

channel is about, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to think of something that

I could do, something that can give me

purpose. Right now I don't really feel

like I have that much purpose in life. I

wake up and I struggle to

find something to keep myself busy with.

I don't know what to do. I could do

anything. I could play a video game, I

could watch a movie, but I don't really

want to. Those things aren't really that

interesting to me anymore. I guess I could

get a job. I don't really want to.

Do I really need to? It might be

interesting. You might meet interesting

new people and have interesting

new experiences. Or I could

take a class. I could learn how to do

something. Maybe I could learn archery.

Archery. I just don't know what to do with

my life, and it's always been this way.

People say, why don't you get some

hobbies? Why don't you do something fun?

And then you won't be bored anymore.

That's the problem.

Nothing seems fun to me. Everything seems

boring. This is supposed to be a happy

video. We're supposed to be celebrating

because I got my visa. How come I don't

feel happy. I thought I was supposed to

feel happy. I was happy for about 10

minutes, and then I was back to normal.

It kind of reminded me of when I finally

reached level 60 on World of Warcraft,

and I was so happy for about 20 minutes,

and then I was like, oh, I just wasted a

year of my life trying to get to level 60.

I dropped out of school because I was so

obsessed with this stupid game, and now

I've ruined my life. I've been watching

this American drama recently called Suits.

Have you heard about it? It's about this

young guy who is a lawyer,

and at first I wasn't really interested in

it, but then I started to watch it more

and more and it started to grow on me,

and I started thinking to myself, maybe it

is interesting to have that kind of

lifestyle, you know, having a professional

career, having a social life, interacting

with human beings, doing something that's

challenging. I'm just scared. I'm scared

of doing something. I'm scared of doing

anything that's challenging because I'm

scared of failing and then feeling like

I've wasted my time and effort.

Sometimes I do feel kind of envious about

that. I wish I could attempt to do

something that's challenging and that's

something that I also enjoy at the same

time. But I'm just so damn lazy,

and I don't know how to cure my laziness.