[2022-12-11] why i Regret Lying to my girlfriend about everything [AzTg4A3h9G4]

So some of you might be wondering, what

does my girlfriend think that I do all day

whilst I'm at home? How does she think

that I make money? So I kind of lied about

everything to my girlfriend for obvious

reasons. I cannot tell her about my

YouTube channel and my dark past. So when

I first started talking to her back in

around July or September, I stupidly

told her that the way I make money is by

doing digital arts. I said I am a

freelance digital artist. Now the reason

why I told her this was because at the

time I was actually doing a lot of artwork

for my YouTube channel. I was trying to

make some illustrated storytime videos. I

think I made about 5 or 6 where I used

artwork in the thumbnail, and during the

video you'd see like a time-lapse of me

doing artwork. So technically at the time

I was a digital artist by making art and

using my art to make money. I wasn't

really making money off of my art in the

traditional sense of doing commissions by

getting a customer and drawing something

they requested and then getting paid by

the customer. So it wasn't exactly a lie,

but technically it wasn't completely the

truth either. So fast forward a few

months, I've kind of lost interest in

doing artwork videos or doing illustrated

style videos. I haven't done those kind of

illustrated storytime videos mainly

because I got lazy and I lost interest in

drawing and I ran out of ideas and I went

back to just doing mainly livestreams and

talking head style videos. So it's been 2

months that I've been in Thailand and she

has caught on to the fact that I haven't

done any artwork. She thought I was going

to come here to Thailand and do my artwork

and make money that way while she's away

doing her jobs. And then she thought she

would watch me do some artwork and see how

I make my art and see how the sausage is

made. But I haven't done any artwork

because I just can't be bothered. I

haven't even plugged in my iPad since I

got here. The iPad hasn't even been

charged since I landed and it has a 0%

battery. I haven't even touched the iPad.

I thought I would just maybe, maybe do

some art, say I'm working on this drawing

and show it to her and say, this is some

artwork I've done recently, what do you

think of it? And that way it wouldn't look

like I'm just sitting around at the house

not doing anything at all. And she's

starting to get a bit suspicious. For

example, we'd be lying in bed in the

evening and she would ask me about my

artwork. She would say stuff like, are you

rich? Do you have loads of money? How come

you don't have to worry about money? I

never see you do any art. And then I kind

of had to quickly think on the spot and

say Yeah, I've kind of lost interest

in doing artwork and I'm more interested

in other things like trying to learn how

to invest in the stock market and try and

do day trading. So when she's around, I

usually have stock charts open because I'm

checking them anyway. And then she'll come

over to me and look at what I'm doing and

she'll be like, what's that? And I'll say,

this is stock market and this is what I'm

interested in right now. And I had to tell

her that The reason why I haven't done any

artwork at all since I arrived is because

I don't really do it anymore. And it's

kind of awkward because she's been telling

all her friends and family that I am a

digital artist. That is my profession.

And I didn't really want to give this

impression that that is my professional

career. I just wanted it to sound like,

yeah, I do like to do artwork. And now and

then as a hobby, I sell some artwork as an

amateur artist and I do it on and off over

the years. I would do some and then do

something else. But it seems like she's

gotten the impression that I am a

professional full-time digital artist.

This is my main career and this is me as a

person, which wasn't the look that I was

intending to give her. In hindsight, I

kind of regret telling her that I'm an

artist and I do digital art. At the time

it seemed to make sense because I was

doing a lot of art. But now I'm thinking

it would have been easier if I just said

that I invest in the stock market or I

inherited a load of money and I just get

dividend payments. And that's what I do,

because then I wouldn't actually have to

do any work in front of her. I could just

say, I'm on my laptop doing economical

research into the markets and I think gold

is going to go up and the dollar is going

to go down and blah, blah, blah. It's kind

of stupid. I told her that I do this

really labor-intensive activity for a

living when you need a lot of energy and

interest and passion to actually do that

on a daily basis. And right now I've got

basically zero passion or interest to do

drawing or artwork of any kind, really.

I've always had trouble explaining to

women and girls what I do for a living

because for a large part of my life I was

just unemployed and I used to get

benefits, or I had maybe a short-term

temporary job here and there, and then I

quit the job to go to Japan and then just

sit around trying to go on dates and live

in a guest house. And then they'll ask me,

Daniel, what do you do for a living? And

then it would be really awkward because I

don't want to tell people that I'm

unemployed. Being unemployed is a really

bad look. Women find it very unattractive

to date a man who is unemployed. Maybe if

you're young, like you're 18, 19, 20, or

below 25, then you can get away with being

unemployed. And people are not going to

look down on you for being unemployed

because they'll say, oh, you're still

young, you'll figure it out. You've got

your whole life ahead of you. You've got

this opportunity where you're young and

you can travel the world and get new

experiences and find out what you truly

want to do in life. And you can get away

with being unemployed. The problem is when

you're over 30 and you're still unemployed

and you're telling women, yeah, I'm

unemployed, I don't know what to do with

my life, I've got no skills or career

future prospects. What woman is going to

find that attractive? They're going to

think that's a massive red flag. How can

you be so old in your mid-30s nearly and

you still don't know what you're going to

do for a career? So I really don't like

telling women that I'm unemployed.

Usually I used to say before YouTube,

that I'm an online entrepreneur,

I've got this online business, I sell

knife sharpeners on eBay, or I got some

kind of business going on. I try to avoid

telling them that I am unemployed because

I know how unattractive that seems. So

after YouTube became my primary source of

income, I didn't really have to explain to

girls what I do for a living because

number one, I was married and she knew

what I did. And then after I was married,

the only girls I got were from the channel

and they already knew about me and all my

secrets and what I was like in real life.

And they were okay with the channel and

they still wanted to meet me even though

they knew about my channel and everything.

So I never really had to worry about it.

So post-fame, I guess, where I have to

worry about, have to think about how am I

going to get girls now that girls from the

channel are not interested in me anymore?

I've got to start explaining again what I

do for a living. And I haven't had to

worry about this since 2017. And you might

be thinking, why don't you just be honest?

Just tell them you do YouTube and you do

streaming and Twitch and OnlyFans. The

problem is I've tried that before. I've

experimented with at least 10 dates where

I told them upfront, yeah, I do YouTube.

Here's my channel. Check it out if you

want to. And I do streaming. I haven't

told anyone I do OnlyFans because that's

kind of embarrassing. Most women are going

to find it a massive turn-off that you do

OnlyFans. So I've had to keep that a

secret. But it just seems like after my

testing, no woman has ever been interested

in dating me after they find out that I do

YouTube. Unless you're like a massive

famous YouTuber, most people find it kind

of ridiculous and a joke that you think

you're a YouTuber when you only get XXX

amount of views. If you're not getting

millions of views, they think, how do you

even make money if you're not super famous

like PewDiePie? They don't understand that

you can actually make an okay living. You

can make a couple thousand dollars here

and there even if you only get 10 or 20K

views. It is possible, it is doable, but

most people don't understand this and they

think you're just messing about, you're

not taking it seriously, why don't you

just get a proper job because this YouTube

thing is not going to work out. So it has

come to my conclusion that being honest

and telling girls about my YouTube channel

and that's how I make money isn't really

the best strategy if I'm trying to

maximize my chances in the sexual

marketplace. I want women to like me and I

want them to be interested in me. It seems

like telling them about my YouTube channel

just goes against that and ruins my

chances. So I had to come up with some

sneaky tactics and explain how I make

money in different ways. I've tried

telling them that I do stocks, but then

the bad thing about that is some women

know about stocks. They know the risks.

They know the risks and they've got

friends who have lost a lot of money in

stocks and crypto and they just see it as

gambling and they don't believe that

you're actually making any kind of money

off of stocks and trading and investing.

So the only viable explanation I can come

up with and think of as to how I make

money is by telling them that I do

artwork, because I used to do artwork and

I think my artwork's okay. It is at a

level where I think you could make money

if you're really dedicated in trying to

make money off artwork. I've seen people

do freelance artwork commissions where

they've got very simple looking characters

that are much less detailed and complex

than the kind of characters that I draw.

I think my drawing ability is not super

talented. I'm not exactly the most gifted

artist, but I can do some pretty

decent-looking artwork when I want to.

It's just a little bit frustrating because

I guess I shot myself in the foot by

telling her I do artwork because it means

I have to do artwork. And now that I don't

do any artwork and haven't shown her any

proof of any artwork I've done, It's kind

of suspicious. I reckon she's gonna get a

bit suspicious that I might have lied

about being an artist. Sometimes she says,

are you really an artist? And I say,

yeah, sometimes. And it's just really

awkward. I really made things difficult

for myself by telling her that I do this

kind of line of work. And I wish I told

her I did something else, or I should have

just said I inherited a load of money when

my dad passed away. And I'm just living

off dividends and investments. That's,

that's a pretty cool sounding way of

making money as well and believable. So

now she thinks I'm super rich and I've got

loads of money and I never have to worry

about money. That's why I'm being lazy and

I'm not doing any work, which isn't true.

I don't have loads of money. I'm not super

rich. I've only got money because I grind

out these videos and I do livestreaming

and I have to review video games and tech

stuff. It's a lot of work making all these

videos and streaming. I need a lot of time

by myself at home. When she takes days off

work, I can't do anything. I can't make a

video. I can't stream. I have to just sit

here waiting for her to go back to work

again. And this upcoming weekend, she's

taken 2 days off, Friday and Monday. So

we've got a long 4-day weekend where we're

going traveling. And I'm really annoyed

about it, really, because I wanted to

focus on making some videos and do

streaming and I I can't do it because I

have to spend all this time with her and I

can't tell her that I do this because then

the cat's out of the bag and she finds out

the stuff that I've been saying. She might

get upset that I've lied about basically

everything about myself. Everything she

knows about me is not really true. She

doesn't really know. Probably she doesn't

know like 70% of the real me. And when

she realizes that, it's not going to be

pretty. I'm not looking forward to the day

when she finds out that I've lied about so

many things. I honestly didn't think the

relationship would last this long or even

get this far. I've had so many bad

experiences this year and last year where

I tried to go on dates and it didn't go

anywhere. Maybe I got one date and then I

got ghosted or blocked. So I didn't really

have high hopes for this relationship

either. I had no idea that it would be 2

months into the relationship and we're

living together. We have an apartment

together now. I didn't know this was gonna

happen, so I didn't predict that my lies

would end up starting to backfire on me.

I really don't know how things are going

to turn out. I'm not going to tell her. I

guess I'm just going to wait until she

finds out by herself. And I'm hoping that

by the time she does find out, that our

relationship and our bond will be strong

enough to make it so these lies don't

really make much difference and don't

really matter. And she can understand my

reasoning behind the lying and she can

overlook this stuff.