How Turkey Tom Ruined my life

So as most of you know, a pretty big

YouTuber called Turkey Tom made a video

about me a few weeks ago and it's gotten

well over a million views.

And you might have been thinking, aren't I

happy about this because the channel

finally grew?

Not really.

And it's kind of disrupted my life in

several ways, namely that my mum now hates

me and I broke up with my girlfriend

because of it.

So yeah, in the beginning I was really

happy about it because the channel hasn't

actually grown for about 5 years.

So it was nice to see some new people

joining the channel.

But I didn't expect that I would end up

losing my girlfriend and falling out with

my mum.

And then a few weeks later, after it's

been a while since the video came out, the

channel has basically just died again and

gone back to how it was before the

channel.

But now my life's all messed up and I'm

not really happy about it, to be honest.

The reason why me and my mum fell out

about it is because, well, basically, as

you can imagine, the video didn't exactly

paint me in a very good light, like most

of these.

Documentaries about me make me look like a

crazy person and make me seem like this

horrible human being.

And they don't put any efforts into trying

to understand why I do horrible things.

I don't do horrible things for zero

reason.

I have my reasons.

It's just that most people don't really

seem to care about my reasons and are

happy to label me with such words like

psychopath, sociopath, or the word

beginning with an I.

And I was scrolling through the comment

section of the video, and you know, I was

used to all of the insults.

All the insults I've been expecting and

I've been getting those kind of insults

for years and years and years.

But what I wasn't expecting was a comment,

quite a lengthy comment written by a girl

named Holly, who actually used to be this

girl who was my neighbor when I was a very

young kid.

She lived behind my house and I would

often go over to her house to play video

games because her dad used to have a

massive PlayStation video game library.

And I was quite shocked and upset that she

wrote this very long comment about me,

basically just bashing me, saying that my

family was really nice.

As she remembered when she was a kid, and

she can't believe that I treat my family

so horrible— so horribly.

So I was kind of upset that she was

judging me when she doesn't really

understand the full story or the full

picture.

And in order to defend myself, I kind of

had to say some not very nice things about

my mum.

And my mum found out about it and was not

happy about it, and we had this argument,

and she kind of cancelled my birthday

trip.

So it was actually my birthday around the

time the Toki Tom video dropped, and my

mum and my sister were supposed to drive

over to Devon, which is where I'm living

now, to come and visit me for my birthday.

And I was quite looking forward to it.

We were going to go to places in Devon and

go traveling and see places, and it would

have been nice to catch up with them.

But my mum ended up not coming and

canceling the trip, which meant my sister

couldn't come.

And also, my mum didn't even wish me a

happy birthday on my birthday because she

was still mad at me.

And she's actually still mad at me now,

even though I tried to apologize, and

we're still on bad terms thanks to the

whole fiasco.

So I'm not really on good terms with my

mum anymore because she expects me to

apologize for everything, take all the

blame, and she refuses to take any

responsibility or even admit she did

anything wrong, which I find very

upsetting and I disagree with very

strongly.

So I'm not talking to her anymore and I'm

not going to go back home.

I'm going to stay here in my house in

Devon.

And then I also broke up with my

girlfriend.

So slightly before the Turkey Tom video

dropped, me and my girlfriend had this big

argument Well, we've had several big

arguments in the span of just a few weeks.

First of all, there was an argument

because she had a fight with her mum and

she wanted me to come and pick her up, but

I was streaming and then she got mad at

me.

So I didn't really feel like stopping the

stream and going to pick her up.

So I carried on streaming, I ignored her.

That caused a big fight.

She blocked me for a few weeks and it took

a lot of work and effort to be able to get

her to talk to me again.

I finally managed to get her to talk to me

again.

We fixed the problem and got back together

again, but that didn't last very long and

we had another fight.

Within a day because she came over to my

place, she was on my laptop, and she found

naughty videos I had saved on my laptop

with exes that I recently was watching

because we had broken up and I was bored

and feeling in the mood.

So she found those videos, stormed out my

house, went home, blocked me again, and I

did that 3-day stream where I was

basically having a breakdown.

And that was around the time the Turkey

Tom video dropped.

And she, she reached out to me when I was

doing that 3-day stream, said we could

meet and talk about things.

And I said I would do anything to fix what

I had done about the whole naughty video

situation.

So I wiped everything on my cloud servers

and my drives, so there's none of this

naughty content around anymore.

And I thought that would be enough to fix

the relationship and get things back on

track.

So she comes over and we have the talk and

she drops this bombshell on me that I just

wasn't expecting.

She wanted me to quit YouTube and just

delete everything, stop doing YouTube,

walk away from it because it was toxic and

not good for me, and just get a normal job

and get a full-time job and work full-time

hours.

And I stupidly agreed to it because I was

at a really low point in my life.

I really missed her.

I really wanted it to work between us

because I did genuinely really like her,

and I thought okay, maybe she's right.

Maybe the YouTube channel is very toxic.

It doesn't make that much money.

It's not like I'm a millionaire thanks to

the YouTube channel.

Maybe I can just get a normal job and live

a normal happy life.

So I agreed to it and I took down all my

channel content and I agreed that I would

not livestream and make videos anymore.

Although she did say she wouldn't mind if

I made video gaming videos and tech stuff,

which I thought, okay, that's great, so

I'll just do that.

So for me, Being a YouTuber is very

important.

I've been a YouTuber for the last 8 years

and I really like being a YouTuber.

Okay, I might not be the best YouTuber in

the world.

I might not make the best content.

I might not have the best channel or work

ethic when it comes to editing and making

videos and that kind of stuff.

But I really do like being a YouTuber.

I like having my own community.

I like having viewers to talk to because I

don't have any friends.

I don't have a social network.

I don't really have anyone to talk to

outside of my YouTube channel.

So I really do value, place a lot of value

on having a YouTube channel and also the

financial aspect.

It's actually, it's absolutely crucial for

me financially to have my YouTube channel.

Otherwise I would just not be able to

financially survive.

Unfortunately, I kind of have this problem

where I guess you could say I'm addicted

to my community.

I spend way too much time and I pay way

too much attention to interacting with my

community either on Discord or streaming

all day almost every day.

And I have had problems in previous

relationships where my partner just wasn't

happy because I neglected the partner and

I didn't talk to them much, and I spent

way too much time talking to my viewers or

on my Discord or just streaming.

I spent hours and hours and hours talking

on streams and Discord, and then I would

put very minimal effort into communicating

with my partner.

And as you can imagine, they get upset

over that.

And this time was no different.

It's just that this time she tried to make

me quit YouTube.

So my theory is— so her explanation was

that the YouTube channel is very toxic and

she's been getting a lot of abuse over the

previous year because my viewers don't

really like her for some reason.

They like to call her names and make fun

of her appearance, and she said it had an

effect on her.

Okay, that's understandable and

everything, but I don't think that's a

good reason to break up with your

boyfriend if you really loved him.

So I have this theory that there's another

underlying reason why she wanted me to

quit YouTube, and that would be because of

the attention thing.

She was obviously not happy that I

prioritized my community and streaming and

channel over her, and I guess she thought

if she could get me to quit YouTube, I

would then give her all my attention and

focus, and I wouldn't have this community

anymore to interact with.

Unfortunately, she was wrong, because even

after I quit YouTube, I still didn't

really put much effort into texting her or

talking to her much when she wasn't at my

place.

And that kind of led into another

argument.

So I was feeling kind of down, not really

good about myself because I really missed

doing YouTube and it had now been a few

weeks since I stopped doing YouTube.

And I really wanted to come back to it and

I thought, this is a mistake.

I can't let a girl make me give up

YouTube, which I've been doing for such a

long part of my life.

And it's such a big part of my identity

and it's this thing that I really love

doing.

And I kind of regretted that I let her

win, and I agreed to her terms, and I

decided to quit YouTube.

And I was thinking maybe it's not worth it

anymore.

And then I wasn't feeling very good this

one evening, and I was listening to music,

and she was texting me trying to have a

conversation, and I wasn't really putting

much effort into it.

I was just doing very short replies, and

she got mad about it.

And she was supposed to come over the next

day to make burritos, and she said— she

asked me if I could go and pick up the

ingredients while she was at work, and I

said Okay, sure.

And she gets very triggered when I say

very short things like okay.

Like, we had another fight about a month

or two ago because I said okay, thanks.

So after I said okay, sure, she then said,

aren't you gonna ask what the ingredients

are?

LOL.

So every time she says LOL after a

sentence, I kind of know that she's upset

because she kind of tries to mask her

anger with things like LOL, LMAO, or like

a crying laughing emoji.

And I just know she's not happy.

So I just— I'm also not happy, by the way.

So I say, well, I thought you were just

gonna tell me what the ingredients are

without me having to ask what they are.

And she said she was just giving me a

chance to contribute more to this totally

one-sided conversation.

And I just said I wasn't feeling very

chatty and I wasn't really in the mood.

And I was hoping she'd be supportive and

be like, okay, I'll give you some space,

we can talk tomorrow.

But instead she gets angry at me because

I'm down and not feeling very chatty and

not really talkative.

So I'm not really in the mood to argue.

So I just say, well, I'm going to go to

bed.

And then she says that she doesn't feel

like coming over anymore the next day.

So I just say, okay, good night.

And I go to bed.

I wake up the next day.

I feel a lot better because I slept on it

and I apologized to her.

I sent her a message saying that I'm sorry

that I wasn't very talkative and I was

just feeling down, thinking that would

resolve things.

But actually she was still mad at me and

we ended up arguing.

And it went from talking about the burrito

thing to now she's saying that she was

building resentment towards me and upset

with me because even though I agreed to

quitting YouTube, she realized I was still

making tech and gaming videos and cooking

videos on my second channel, which I

thought she was okay with because she

literally said, you can make video game

videos.

So I thought, okay, I'll just spam out a

load of video game videos.

But she was upset that I was making video

game videos and spending all this time

making second channel videos instead of

putting effort into trying to get a

full-time job, which is what she wanted me

to do.

I was kind of hoping that if I agreed to

stop making content on my main channel and

stop streaming, that we wouldn't argue

anymore.

But in the back of my mind, I also thought

this wouldn't work because most of our

arguments had nothing to do with YouTube.

There were other things like I didn't text

much or I didn't compliment her enough.

And okay, maybe the YouTube channel and

streaming didn't help matters and made

things worse sometimes, but YouTube wasn't

the cause of a lot of the arguments.

So I never thought, or I never agreed,

that it was going to actually help things

a lot if I quit YouTube.

And at that point, I was kind of fed up.

I thought, if I can't even make tech and

gaming videos and I'm expected to not make

anything at all on YouTube, which I just

didn't want to agree to, and also we were

still fighting, over things that weren't

even related to YouTube, like me not

texting very much.

And I guess she thought without YouTube I

would spend more time texting her, but

then I didn't really, because, you know,

sometimes I have days where I am very

chatty and I would text a lot and she'd be

happy.

And then there's days where I'm kind of

like in deep thinking mode and I'm not

really talkative or wanting to text much.

And also because we were going to see each

other the next day anyway, I thought I

don't really need to text much because

we're going to see each other and then we

will talk a lot in person.

But for her, texting is very important.

So we were still fighting even after me

quitting YouTube.

I was very unhappy and she wanted me to

completely stop YouTube, no tech or gaming

videos at all, which I just didn't want to

agree with.

So I just said, I won't be happy if you

stop me from doing YouTube.

And she said she wouldn't be happy if

she's with me and I'm still doing YouTube.

So we just couldn't come to an agreement

and we decided to break up.

We've had a lot of arguments over the past

year, but she's never told me to stop

doing YouTube.

And actually we met because she was a

viewer and that's how we met.

We met through YouTube.

So I was expecting that she would be okay

with me doing YouTube and she would never

tell me to quit.

And I thought she'd be a great girlfriend

because she was very supportive of my

YouTube.

And all I ever wanted was to be in a

relationship where the girl knows about my

YouTube and she's okay with it, because

that's very hard to find.

Most girls don't want to date me because I

do YouTube and the kind of content I do is

not very appealing.

And I don't really think it's a

coincidence that she decided to try and

get me to stop doing YouTube exactly at

the same time that the Turkey Tom video

dropped.

She was probably seeing I was getting lots

of new viewers, it's getting a lot of

exposure, and she was probably worried

that because of this I would now spend

even more time dedicated to YouTube and

pay even less attention to her, and things

would get crazier now that my channel was

growing.

But in the end, I lost my girlfriend, I

fell out with my mum, the channel stopped

growing, and I'm back to the same kind of

numbers that I was getting before the

Turkey Tom video.

So the only thing I gained out of it was a

couple hundred dollars, I guess, when I

was doing that stream, and I missed out 3

weeks when the video was hot because I

agreed to stop doing YouTube to save my

relationship, which in the end wasn't

really savable.

And now I don't know what to do with my

life.

So yeah, thanks, Turkey Tom.