Why i will NEVER come back to Japan

Hello, welcome back to a new video. So

today I want to talk about why I left

Japan in greater detail and why I'll never

ever, probably never, go back to Japan

ever again. And I wanted to talk in

greater and deeper detail about my

reasonings and my logic into why I was so

desperate to get back to Japan and why I

left only after a month. So first of all,

quick history lesson, quick explanation.

After getting divorced and leaving Japan

back in 2020, and then the whole global

virus happened, I was really miserable and

down because I get back into Japan because

of this stupid country put restrictions on

travelers. And like many other people, I

was feeling kind of down, miserable, sad

because of lockdown after lockdown. The

UK, my country, just was non-stop having

lockdowns and couldn't travel anywhere.

And I felt like I was a prisoner in my own

country. And because I kept thinking of

2017, '18, and '19, kind of like my glory

days— I peaked a lot during those times.

Like, I peaked physically. I was still

pretty young, like 28, 29. I peaked

financially, peaked career-wise with my

YouTube channel. So I always look back at

those days with fond memories and had a

lot of interesting experiences like

getting married, getting a visa, moving to

Japan, which I thought for the longest

time was my whole life goal, was to be

able to move to Japan, then I'd be happy

and live happily ever after. And I managed

to achieve many goals back in those days.

So I always look back at 2018 and '19

fondly with rose-tinted goggles. And

because I was feeling so miserable and

down during the lockdowns, I always

thought when I finally get to go back to

Japan, I'll be be happy again like I was

before. So fast forward 3 years later to

2023, I finally get to go back to Japan,

and I thought this would fix everything,

solve all my problems, and I'll be fine

again just like how I used to be, and we

can forget the last few years which were

just kind of rubbish. So I get back to

Japan, and for some reason that I don't

really quite understand myself still, I

left after only a month when originally I

was planning to stay there for like 6

months. I think almost straight away I

kind of realized that just being back in

Japan again is not going to anything.

It's not going to be the same as it used

to be. Sure, Japan is the same, you know,

the buildings are the same, the city's

basically the same, people are kind of the

same, but the people I knew are not there

anymore and they've moved on. Everything

has moved on because so much time has

passed. 3 years have passed. I think it

would have been much different if I had

gone back to Japan in 2020. So I was in

this weird state of limbo because

emotionally and mentally I didn't know

what to think because For 3 years, I had

built up this pent-up desperation to get

back into Japan and thought that would

solve my problems. And then I got back and

realized this isn't gonna solve anything.

So I didn't know what to do with my life

anymore. For some reason, this year in

Japan, I didn't really have such a great

experience, and my impressions of the

country kind of went downhill. I never

realized Japanese people could be so rude,

and I didn't realize how old some of the

places in Osaka, which is the city I went

to— I didn't realize Osaka felt like such

an old kind of rubbish city before. I

think there's 2 main reasons why I kind of

had a rubbish experience in Japan this

year. Number one, I was a cyclist most of

the time when I go— I mean, every time I

went to Japan before, I was a pedestrian

and walked and got the train. But because

I was doing a subathon, I didn't really

want to be stuck on trains and I wanted to

cycle around. I was a cyclist and I had a

bicycle and I was biking basically

everywhere. And I had some bad encounters

with people who were rude to me because I

got in their way. I tried really hard

because I knew because the bicycle was

kind of big and it's a crowded place,

sometimes it's very crowded. I made very

sure to be aware of my surroundings and to

be on high alert. And I tried my best not

to get in people's ways and took my bike

over to the side of the footpath so I

don't get in people's way when I'm

checking my phone. But unfortunately, a

few times I was really unlucky and I got

in some people's way and they were old

men. And every single time this happened,

they were really rude to me. I even have a

video, a clip of a Japanese old man

telling me to move the fuck out of his way

because I was just standing by my bicycle

in front of his door that he wanted to get

to. And instead of just saying excuse me,

he was very rude to me, which I don't

understand. I'm wondering if I didn't have

the bicycle, if I was just standing there,

would he have been as rude? I think the

bicycle triggered him for some reason,

maybe because there were signs saying no

bicycles where I was standing. I wasn't

parking there for long. I was just going

to stand there for like 10 seconds to

check my phone and then I was going to

leave. It's really unfortunate because If

he had came at 10 seconds later, I would

have been gone and I wouldn't have had

that bad experience. And then it happened

again another day. I was just standing by

the side of the footpath and this old man

just told me to move out of the damn way.

It was just really annoying because he

could have just easily walked around me,

but he wanted me to move out of his way so

he didn't have to go around me. It's just

so damn lazy. But anyway, because of these

few experiences with rude old men, it

really damaged my opinion and impression

of Japanese people. Also, I realized that

a lot of the areas I spent a lot of time

in Osaka were just kind of crappy, like

run-down, very old-looking, full of old

people. I don't really like seeing loads

of old people everywhere. When you go to a

place and the entire area is just full of

old people, it feels weird. It feels kind

of depressing. I don't like seeing old

people everywhere. They just look kind of

weird. They look dirty and unshaven,

and they wear tatty clothing, and they're

like 90-degree hunchback. And I don't know

why there's so many old people. I've been

going to Japan since 2010, and I never

really noticed there being so many old

people. Maybe people were just younger 13

years ago, or maybe because before coming

back to Japan in 2023, I spent, what, 6

months in Bangkok? And Bangkok is a very

different country to Japan. It has a much

younger vibe. I go into the city of

Bangkok, and it's like everyone is young.

Everyone's 20-something, early 30s, just

couples and married people with families

with young kids. You don't really see a

lot of old people. And then going from

that to Japan, you just somehow see

old people everywhere. Maybe it's kind of

weird to compare Bangkok, a capital city

of the country, to Osaka, which is not the

capital. It's only like the 4th largest

city in Japan. But I have to compare it to

Osaka because that's where I went and

stayed, and that's my frame of reference.

But I spent most of my time in Bangkok in

the central area where it's really nice

with really big modern buildings and

state-of-the-art new shopping centers and

shopping malls, and it's all new and nice.

And going from that to Osaka, it makes you

realize that 80% of Osaka is like a slum

or some crappy old neighborhood that was

pre-built in the '80s or the '90s. Or the

only nice bit of Osaka is a tiny area

called Umeda and maybe Shinsaibashi and

Dotonbori. If you leave those areas, the

rest of the city is just really ugly.

Part of it is actually a slum. It's

actually officially recognized as a slum.

And there's that Tennoji Shinsekai area,

which looks like it was built in the '60s

and hasn't had any kind of financial

injection or development since the '60s or

the '80s, or, you know, Japanese economic

bust and boom. Most of Osaka just feels

like, okay, the economy back in the '80s

and '90s boomed and then busted, had loads

of development, and then it just stopped

after the bust, and then it just froze in

time and nothing has changed. It just got

uglier and rustier and browner, and the

people got older, and it's just kind of

crap compared to Bangkok, which feels like

a young, vibrant, alive city. So

unfortunately, for those reasons, I don't

really feel like I want to go back to

Japan or even live there anymore because

it was kind of crap. If I really honestly

still wanted to live in Japan, I wouldn't

have left, and I've just tried to find a

way to make a new life there. But I just

didn't really see how I could have a good

future there. I was trying to predict what

my future there would look like, and

honestly, it didn't look pretty. That's

why I came back to Thailand. Maybe it's

unfair to say this about Japan based off

of my experience only in Osaka. Maybe the

rest of Japan is different, but I really

doubt it. I can imagine Tokyo being, you

know, obviously more developed because

it's a much bigger city and it's the

capital, but I can still imagine the rest

of Japan and other cities being pretty

much the same, and I'd have just the same

experience even if I went outside of

Osaka. So my other hope about going back

to Japan was I was hoping my YouTube

channel would come back to life and the

views would go up again. But

unfortunately, every single stream just

had the same 5K views. So I had this very

average flatline number of around 5K

views, which is actually worse than what I

was getting when I was in Thailand. So I

thought, well, the views are not even

going up when I'm back in Japan, so I'm

not going to stay in Japan for the views

when they were higher back in Thailand.

They're higher in Thailand because I can

focus on making content that actually gets

views, like video gaming and tech stuff.

Whereas in Japan, when I'm living in slum

hotels or dormitories, I can't really do

that, and I'm forced to go outside on my

bicycle and do biking content, which

doesn't really get many views from my

experience. So I came back to Thailand

again because the views were actually

higher when I was in Thailand. I'm not

going to change my whole life when I'm

only getting 5K views a video or stream.

That's not the amount of views you would

have to get to make drastic life changes.

And then finally, the reason why I think I

had a bad time in Japan was because the

way I look, I feel like I was racially

discriminated against. And some of you

might think that's weird because to

Westerners, which I'm guessing is most of

you, most of you think I look completely

Asian, which is a fair assessment. I look

pretty Asian. Just in case you didn't

know, I'm actually 50% white and 50% Han

Chinese and like 7% Vietnamese. But

because I've got like a round wide nose

and thick lips, I kind of look different

to actual Chinese people or East Asians or

Japanese or Korean people. I guess I look

closer to Southeast Asian people. And I

think because Japanese people think I'm

Southeast Asian, they, they treat me in a

worse way than they would have treated me

if I was just white. I feel like if I was

a 6-foot-tall white guy with, you know,

big wide shoulders, massive arms, that

incident with the old man being rude to me

with my bicycle I don't think that would

have happened. There's just no way he

would have been so confidently rude to me

if I was jacked and ripped and tall.

Plus, because if I was white, he would

have thought, oh wow, white guy, and then

he would have been extra polite to me. I

would like to know if there's any white

guys here watching this who had rude

Japanese old men being rude to them,

because I really doubt that would have

happened if I was white. And another

example, I went into the Family Mart, and

most of the time when I go to a

convenience store, it's a pleasant

experience. I don't have any problems.

But this time I went in, bought some fried

chicken, and the The guy didn't speak to

me at all. He was obviously Japanese. I

saw his name tag had a Japanese name, but

he didn't do any of the thank you. Do you

have a points card? Do you need a plastic

bag? Would you like it to be heated up?

He didn't say anything, and I think he was

just being rude to me because he just

assumed that I didn't speak Japanese, and

because I looked Southeast Asian, he was

like discriminating against me. But if I

was white, I think he would have been much

more polite. And you might be thinking,

wait, I thought Japanese people love

foreigners, and that's only half true.

They only love white people. They respect

and worship and adore super white-looking

blonde people with blue eyes. And if

you've got black hair, okay, maybe that

still kind of counts, but not as much. If

you're black, they're kind of intimidated

and scared of you. If you're Southeast

Asian, they look down on you as like a

lesser being. I've always had this

identity crisis because I grew up in

England. So on the inside, I feel white.

I feel like my personality is white, but

obviously I don't look it on the outside.

And it took me a long time to realize that

it doesn't matter how much I feel white

inside, people don't see me as white. And

it took me a long time to realize that in

Japan, I don't really feel like I get

treated as well as other foreigners do

just because I look Southeast Asian. It

was when I went on the train to visit

Kyoto and come back from Kyoto that it

really solidified this in my mind that

Japanese people only love white people.

So example number 1, on the train to

Kyoto, there's a white couple from Sweden

sitting there, and they're just sitting

there minding their own business, very

Swedish looking, blonde hair, blue eyes.

And this random Japanese man just goes up

to them, starts trying to talk to them in

really bad broken English. He's saying

stuff like, where are you from? What are

you doing in Japan? And saying stuff like,

welcome to Japan. And it was just such an

awkward, weird conversation to listen to.

And it was at that moment I felt so glad

that I'm not white, because I really don't

want to attract attention of people like

him. Imagine you're just on the train

trying to go Kyoto and some random

Japanese man comes up to you trying to

initiate conversation with you in really

bad broken English. Just listening to this

embarrassing conversation, I felt

secondhand embarrassment and anger just,

just being exposed to it. And then it

happened again on the train back from

Kyoto. There was this Canadian couple.

Now I know they're Swedish and they're

Canadian because I overhear the

conversation, and they seem to be confused

about whether they could get off the train

on this carriage or not at a station on

the way back to Osaka. So they were asking

each other, talking to each other, oh,

I'm not sure if we can get off on this

one, maybe go to the next carriage. And

then this Japanese lady sees them

struggling and helps them and says, oh

yeah, you can get off on this carriage,

in English. And okay, it's very nice and

helpful of her, but then she starts trying

to have a conversation with them. Again,

I roll my eyes to the back of my head.

She says, so where are you from? How long

are you in Japan? What are your plans?

Welcome to Japan. They always say welcome

to Japan as if I need You're welcomeage.

And the way she was talking, she sounded

so excited and so happy to be

able to be speaking English to these white

people. And I'm thinking in the back of my

mind, if they were black or not white,

there's no way you would be so happy and

eager to have a conversation. And you

might be thinking, oh, it's just people

having a conversation on a train. They're

just strangers having small talk and

banter. That never happens in Japan.

Japanese people don't talk to strangers in

Japan. You see on the train when it's all

Japanese people, no one talks to each

other. No one's standing there striking up

a conversation, having small talk or

banter with a complete stranger. It only

happens with white people and Japanese

people who have some kind of weird

obsession with white people and Western

countries. It's never happened to me. I

never was sitting on a train and just had

like a random Japanese woman or man come

up to me and say, oh, where are you from?

From? Welcome to Japan, blah blah blah.

It's because of the way I look. I don't

look like a foreigner that they care

about. So they're very selective about the

kind of foreigners they like and the kind

of foreigners they don't care about. And I

just, I feel kind of left out, and I don't

feel like I get the special treatment,

and I actually get worse treatment. I

don't really feel like that in Thailand.

I feel like I blend in more in Thailand.

People would actually just think I'm

probably Thai or maybe mixed or something.

And because I'm mixed, they actually like

me more because I've got those mixed

features which they probably find

attractive. So yeah, in conclusion, I kind

of had a bad trip to Japan this year,

and I don't really feel like I want to

live there anymore. I don't really feel

like I care about living there anymore.

The magic of being in Japan has kind of

worn off, and, um, I think I'm okay in

Thailand, I guess.