chat and updates and stuff

Hello.

Hello.

I'm bored. Why is life so boring?

Help me, please.

I'm so bored and I don't know what to do.

My back's itchy.

So what did you think of the Essex girl?

Did you like her?

Oh, where's my package?

Um, I wasn't 100% honest in

that video about her,

and she kind of figured out how I felt

about her without me actually saying

anything.

It's okay. We're still friends.

She's not upset.

And I mainly didn't say that I wasn't

attracted to her because I didn't want to

lose another 500 subs.

It's kind of annoying losing subs all the

time. Oh, thank you, Alan Tomi.

Good morning to you too.

Good morning.

Did I pay for her food? She didn't have

any food. I got hot dogs, she said she

didn't want anything. I got McDonald's,

she didn't get anything. She didn't eat

anything. Which is fine.

I don't know, maybe there's something

wrong with me. I don't find anyone

attractive. I've met 4 girls now, or

women. People don't like it when I call

women girls now. They say, why'd you call

them girls when they're over 20? I don't

know, because the word woman makes them

sound like an old woman, and girl sounds

young, and fruitful.

You don't say woman friend, do you? You

say girlfriend. You say she's my

girlfriend, he's my boyfriend. You don't

say woman friend and man friend.

That's why I call women girls.

I didn't find any of them attractive. The

German girl, yeah, she was pretty, but I

didn't feel attracted to her. I would have

liked to have serialled her, but that's

it. Not because I felt attracted to her,

just because it would have been nice.

I don't know, maybe I'm just not attracted

to women in general.

Oh, thank you, Bowser. Am I gay? I don't

think I'm gay. Because I'm not attracted

to men. The Essex girl said maybe I'm

asexual, which is not attracted to men or

women. And then I said, how can I be

asexual when I love having sex? Can you be

asexual and still enjoy having sex?

I like having sex, obviously, but— are you

gay? Is that why you're not attracted to

them? Are you gay? That accent.

I do find some girls attractive, but

they're really attractive and way out of

my league.

I don't think I'm asexual because I see

lots of cute girls outside in the public

when I just go outside. Oh,

thank you. No, we didn't. I would have

liked to. She's— I'm not saying that she's

unattractive.

She had a nice body that I liked,

and I would have loved to have gone to a

hotel, but I didn't really feel anything,

you know, deep inside.

I didn't feel like my heart was

fluttering.

I think I am attracted to women because

I've been outside in Japan. I've gone

outside and I've seen cute girls where I

really wanted to just stare at their face,

and I felt nervous staring at them because

they're really cute. But I never really

felt like that with any of the girls I've

met recently. Maybe they just weren't

my type. Oh, thank you, Bowser.

Leave your serial robot forever alone.

Yeah, I need a sex doll that looks like

one of these girls who I find really cute.

It's just weird that I haven't felt

attracted to any of the girls that I've

met. Do you think that's weird? The only

girls I found attractive were the ones I

just randomly encountered outside in

public in Japan. Oh, thank you.

Perpetual consternation. Why am

I gay? I don't think I am gay because I've

never felt the heart fluttering when I've

seen a guy in

public.

It's tricky. How do I meet these

girls that I like unless

I start building up confidence so I can

actually approach them in public? Maybe

that's the only way. Maybe I won't be able

to meet these girls on Tinder or dating

websites because I don't think I'm very

photogenic. I don't think my photos are

that impressive. People aren't really

gonna be that impressed when they see my

photo. So the only way I could get

them is by just walking up to them in real

life, you know, breaking down that

boundary between us.

I can't do it. It's just too scary.

I wouldn't know what to say. Hi,

do you have a boyfriend? Can I be your

boyfriend? Do you like sex?

I don't know what to say if I approached a

girl. It'd be so awkward. My lips would

start trembling.

Watch pickup videos. I watch David Bond's

pickup stuff and I feel embarrassed by

watching it, like secondhand

embarrassment. Oh, thank you,

Measure Twice, for my sex doll fund.

Maybe I would have been happier if I

stayed married and had a sex doll to

fulfill my urges.

I'm getting a lot of outbreaks. Look, I

got one here. For your sex doll fund. I

hate it when it's by your lips.

In Japan, there were cute girls

everywhere. Even going to the supermarket,

there would be a couple cute, cute girls

working there, and I felt nervous because

I thought they were cute, and I kept

wanting to stare at them secretly. So I

think I am attracted to girls,

but there's a very specific kind of girl

that I'm attracted to, which is very

rare in England. Those kind of girls don't

really exist here.

Um, the Essex girl was pretty upset

because of people saying mean stuff about

her, saying she was fat. And people were

saying that she was fat in the comments,

which I didn't understand. I didn't think

she was fat at all. And they were making

fun of her outfit, calling her crazy and

stuff. Pretty mean, don't you think?

People always complaining about me

criticizing women, and then everyone's

doing it in the comment section

themselves.

I have a creepy personality. You have a

creepy personality. Lucky for you, you're

not ugly.

How do I become charming?

Why didn't I show her face? Because she

told me not to show her face.

I didn't think she was fat. I thought she

looked normal, normal-sized.

Everyone was defending the Turkish girl

because I complained about her, but then I

didn't complain about the Essex girl, so

everyone were complaining about her

themselves.

So we'll probably just stay friends.

I don't think we,

we'd be getting together.

I'm not sure if we'll meet again. Maybe as

friends. Could do, I guess.

Um, don't know, maybe I should give

up on trying to find a girlfriend using my

channel. It's just not really working, is

it? I've met— how many girls have I met so

far? 4. From my channel,

and all of them didn't really work out.

2 of them were complete disasters.

Maybe it's not a very good idea. Maybe I

should just go back to Japanese girls.

I tried, I tried being more open-minded,

but I think maybe I

just prefer Japanese girls for

some reason. It's really weird. I don't

know why I like Japanese girls so much.

It's not even Asian girls. You know, some

people might say I have Asian fetish or

yellow fever, but that's not really true

because I'm only interested in Japanese

girls. It's like Japanese fever.

I'm not interested in Thai girls or

Chinese girls.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with

Japanese girls. They're just really cute.

So I think I'm gonna go back to Japan. It

won't be anytime soon because I had to

renew my passport because it's expiring

this year. It's really good because I

managed to renew it online. You can take a

photo using your phone and All you have to

do is stand in front of a white

background, which is great because my

entire room is white. So I took my photo

on the bed. It cost £80. I had to

send back my old one, and they said it

could take 3 weeks until it

arrives. Try African American.

No, I'm done. I'm done with non-Japanese

girls. I think it's just not gonna work.

Japanese girls are just the best. I'm

sorry, everyone else.

Try African American or Latino girls.

They're thicc. So I'm hoping

to get back to Japan maybe in June when

my new passport comes and I

might just stay for 6 months as a tourist.

Do what I did last time, get my tourist

stay extended. So maybe June I

could go.

I'm just really bored here. It's nice,

it's nice here in my garden,

big house.

But I don't really see anything happening,

girl, on the girl side of things.

Number one, I can't get any matches on

Tinder here anyway. I even tried boosting,

didn't get any matches. Actually, I got 10

matches.

So what I said just now wasn't true. I

don't know why I said that. I did get 10

matches from— I haven't checked out what

they look like though. Let me just show

I guess they look okay, but they, they

just don't look very Japanese-y.

I changed my location to Japan anyway.

I took a new picture. I thought it was a

nice picture, but it's not getting that

many matches.

Let me show you my picture.

What do you think?

I'm not sure if it's a good picture.

Because it was really sunny, so I look

like I'm squinting a bit.

And then my second picture is this one.

I should have shaved my beard off. I

shaved it off today, so you can't really

see it. I should have shaved it off for

the photo. And then I have this one,

but they're just not very interesting

pictures. This one.

They're just kind of boring. I need an

interesting picture. I don't know what to

take it of.

You're a sex tourist. Every trip is for

cereal. Well, yeah, I wouldn't go anywhere

if it wasn't for sex. Why else would I go?

There's nothing about other countries that

interests me apart from sex.

You're a sex tourist. Every trip is for

cereal. Your profile

says you're 28. You're 30. Well, yeah,

I'm not going to tell people I'm 30.

30-year-old on Tinder. That's kind of sad.

28-year-old. That's all right.

It's okay, they don't need to know. It's

just Tinder. It's not like I'm filling out

government documents.

I also put my job as Japanese translator.

I'm not gonna put YouTuber, am I? And I'm

not gonna put unemployed. Come on,

you have to, you know,

try and make yourself look appealing.

It's okay to lie if it's Tinder. No one

takes Tinder seriously.

It's not like it's going to turn into a

serious relationship, is it? It's not like

we're gonna get married. I mean, who would

marry someone off Tinder? That's just

weird. They find out and break up with

you? If they break up with me just because

I lied about my age, lied about being 2

years younger, then they're not worth

being with, are they?

Hey, desperate times call for desperate

measures. Don't blame me for lying about

my age. Doesn't matter anyway, it's only 2

years.

When I'm 40, I'll put 30. Haha.

How come girls are allowed to put on all

this makeup and filters and that's okay?

No one says, oh, they're lying about what

they actually look like. But a guy can't

make himself 2 years younger? It's not

fair. A guy can't lie about his job,

but it's okay for a girl to lie about her

physical appearance by wearing makeup.

How come? Someone explain.

The reason why men are interested in women

is because of what they look like, and

they're making themselves look better than

they actually do by using makeup. And

women are interested in men because of how

much money they make, so that's like

my version of makeup.

It's, um, what's the word? Deceive?

Deceitful.

James Charles puts on makeup and

he looks stupid.

He doesn't look good. Guys don't look good

wearing makeup. They look stupid.

Guys wearing makeup look as stupid as

women who have muscles It's just not— it's

not attractive. Men are supposed to look

like men, not like women.

And when he speaks, his lips, the way his

mouth moves, is just very weird. It's like

his mouth is too big when he speaks.

It just makes me feel very uncomfortable

watching him talk, the way his lips and

his mouth moves when he talks.

I don't know how to do it.

Oh, thank you, Mystique Blue. I should

troll James Charles. Everyone's doing

James Charles videos now, aren't they?

Troll James Charles for cereal.

James Charles has ended his

career, even though he's probably already

set for life. He has 1.5 billion channel

views. Even if his channel got shut down,

he'd still have enough money to last him

forever.

I don't like makeup.

It's okay if it's just a bit, but people,

they put too much on and it looks silly.

So I'm gonna go back to Japan sometime

this year, maybe June or July.

And then get an Airbnb, see how it goes.

Don't really know what else to do. If I

don't go to Japan and stay here, then what

am I gonna do?

Don't have anything to do.

I don't have anyone to do. I should

rephrase that too.

But I like being here. It's really nice

going out into the garden. The garden

looks really nice now. Everything's

blooming.

Why can't I bring my house to Japan?

Oh, thank you, Maria. Maybe your obsession

with cereal has something to do with your

lack of ability to form deeper emotional

connections with people.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I haven't really thought about it.

It's just nice having sex.

But it's true, I do find it very difficult

forming connections with people.

What's that sound?

Oh, it's PayPal.

Oh, I just haven't really had any real

connections with anyone recently.

Why do I think that is? I don't know.

Maybe I'm broken.

That's why I don't— I don't need a

connection to sleep with someone. It still

feels good. Even if you don't have a

connection, if it feels good, then just do

it. Why not?

Would I sleep with the Essex girl if she

let you? Did you even have to ask?

I think we all know the answer.

But I wouldn't sleep with her because then

people start saying that I just used her

again. So annoying.

Probably best if we don't sleep together

since she does like me romantically.

My

glasses always dusty. I keep wiping them,

but then the dust flies around, gets stuck

I kind of miss that time when I was in

Japan before I met my wife,

and I was meeting all these girls on

Tinder and just having random sex. That

was quite fun, living in the guest house.

I wouldn't mind doing that again. That

would be quite interesting, I think. Get

my own place in Japan. Airbnb, maybe.

I also want to make different content.

Um, I was looking at some of my cooking

videos. I made a few. They didn't

do too badly for money and views. I have a

few. One's called Natto, the most

disgusting food in Japan. That got 30k

views. Then I have the fish and chips,

how to make proper fish and chips. And

there's also the fajitas video, got about

15-16k views.

Not amazing, but it's not terrible.

Maybe I could do more of that, but get

more interesting stuff to make,

or try and find interesting things to just

open like that guy Ashens does. I could

I'm interested in how many people would

watch a video that's just cooking and not

drama-related. If I can

get a nice 15k views on,

on them, then it might be worth doing.

The thing is, I know most people aren't

interested, but there's a

decent amount of people who are

interested. So I signed

up to this website called HelloFresh. I

think it's called HelloFresh, and they

send you a box of ingredients every week.

I signed up for that, and I'll just try it

for one week maybe. It costs £15.

They have this sale going on and they send

you 3 recipes every week,

I think. And then you just have a box

of recipes and there's instructions. I

might just follow it, do a standalone

cooking video, see how it does for

And maybe, maybe it'd be funny if I mess

up the recipe and it all goes wrong.

Did I delete my cooking channel? No, I

just changed it to making clickbait

videos channel. Deleted all the cooking

stuff.

Why aren't I into the Essex girl? I just

didn't really feel anything,

really. Didn't really feel attracted to

her.

I'm still married, by the way. Still

legally married.

Why do I shave my legs? I don't.

You just can't see the hair because my

webcam and internet is crappy.

Does she want a relationship with me? I

guess if I felt the same way, then we

would start a relationship. She'd be happy

with that, I think.

How does someone become a mod here? You

give me money and then I'll make you a

mod. Ha!

I remember a video when you shaved them.

Yeah, I shaved them and I made an ASMR

video, and then I deleted it because it

was stupid.

England's too boring. Yeah, it is pretty

boring. It's nice and relaxing though.

I, I kind of enjoy it, going out into the

garden, kicking my football around,

enjoying the sun and the green.

It's a nice change from Japan, but I feel

lonely. I feel, feel like there's no

people anywhere. I just feel like I'm in

this bubble.

Where's my beard? I shaved it off.

It's funny not having a beard anymore. I

hate people. Yeah, it's weird. I hate

people, but then I feel lonely at the same

But you didn't— you said you didn't like

being around people. Yeah, I don't like

being around people.

I don't know, I'm very confused. I like

How there's no people here,

but then I feel lonely at the same time.

But then I feel irritated when there's

people around me.

There's no solution, is there? If there's

people, I feel irritated. If there's no

people, feel lonely.

How many times do I wank a day? Well,

today I wanked three times.

So quite a lot, actually.

I've used half of the tissue paper.

When I'm in a relationship, I feel trapped

and irritated. When I'm single, I feel

lonely and horny. Can't win.

Can I? Doesn't matter if I'm single

or in a relationship, I'm gonna be

unhappy. What do I jack

off to? I just use my imagination.

Hmm, what would I do if I went back to

Japan? I would be

doing exactly the same as

I'm doing now, but I would be on Tinder.

And trying to meet girls.

That's the only difference, really.

Is there anything else to be doing that I

should be doing in life? I feel

like my only goal is to chase girls and to

get views on YouTube. Views and girls.

Girls and views.

I do like money. I do like sex. Money and

sex. What else would you

want? What else should I aim

for?

How about a job?

I don't need a job. I already have a job.

A job is for money, but I'm

making videos for money, and I

get more money from making videos, and

it's easier.

If I got a job, then I wouldn't be able to

go to Japan, would I?

You don't make a living wage.

Yes, I do.

And it's not about money. I'd rather be

making, um, $500 a month

doing this than making $1,000. The fuck?

Who phoned me? Piss off.

I don't get it. How are people phoning me?

No one knows my number. Who found my

number? I didn't even know I had a

ringtone. That was the first time anyone

ever phoned me. That scared me.

I haven't even set up a ringtone on this

phone because I never get phone calls.

How could anyone know my number? I don't

get it. Oh, someone gave me a donation.

Thank you. You have a voicemail. Oh shit,

thank you, Jay. I love how honest you are,

it's a turn-on. Oh,

thank Thanks, I try my best. Says you have

a voicemail. I'm scared. Let me listen to

it. How do I listen to it?

Welcome to the 3 voicemail service. Your

mailbox hasn't been set up. We'll need to

ask To do the following, enter a PIN

called your name, but we'll work through

this step by step. Please enter your new

PIN followed by the hash key. Simple PINs

like 1234 and 2222 won't be accepted.

Your PIN must be between 4 and—

I can't be bothered. Who phoned me? I hate

it when people phone me.

Let me check the number. It says zero.

Oh, they phoned on the tenth of May as

well. Why?

They phoned four days ago and today.

It looks like a weird company number: zero

triple three one two three four nine four

nine. What if I Google that

number?

0, 1, 2, 3,

4, 9.

Found it. Oh, it's that

driving, driving school,

passmefast.co.uk.

Idiots phoning me, piss off.

Because I was looking into driving lessons

last week for content, but it was way too

expensive. I wouldn't make money by doing

that for content. So now they keep phoning

me because I didn't finish the application

process. So annoying.

I hate it when companies just phone you

up. If I want something, I'll phone you.

Don't phone me.

And they charge you about ¥1,500 for the

intensive course.

I wouldn't make £1,500 off of ad revenue.

Do you know how many views I'd need?

I would need millions to make that money

back.

What was I saying before I got rudely

interrupted? Forgot now. I was talking

about Sex and views,

wasn't I? What else? Oh no, I was talking

about getting a job. I said that— oh yeah,

I was saying I'd rather be making $500 by

doing this than $1,000 working in a shop

or doing something else. It's not how much

you make that's important, it's what you

enjoy doing. I'd rather be doing this for

$500 pounds a month than being a doctor

making £40,000 a year or £50,000. I don't

want to be a doctor. I don't want stress.

The more money you make, the more stress

you have. That's how it works.

For example, a cleaner working in a hotel,

yeah, they're gonna make less money than a

manager, but then the manager has 100

times more responsibility, 100 times more

stress, I don't want that stress and

responsibility. I'd rather be a cleaner

than a hotel manager. I don't care if the

manager makes more money. I don't want

that extra work. I don't want that extra

stress and responsibilities. It's not

something that I desire. I just want a

simple life, you know, just coasting

along, minimum, minimal effort.

I don't want stress. I'd rather make

less money. I'm not obsessed over making

loads of money. As long as I'm making

enough to be able to buy stuff and go to

Japan and not be homeless, then it's fine

by me.

I want an easy life. I don't want a

stress-filled life.

If you want to have a stressful life and

make lots of money and be worried all the

time about responsibility, that's fine.

It's your choice. Don't, don't push that

onto me. Okay, then we'll be best friends.

My What's the

word? My life motto

is do as little as possible.

Minimum effort for maximum gain.

I don't want to be that Mark Grimes guy in

The Simpsons. I want to be Homer Simpson,

not Mark Grimes.

Am I still thinking about murdering my mum

for my inheritance? No, and I've never

thought about that ever. If you're

referring to the screenshot, that was

taken out of context when I was coming up

with a crazy script for my channel. Just

for fun. I was thinking about what could

be the craziest script I could come up

with, and then that crazy script

was, um, my mum doesn't give me my

inheritance money, and then I kill her to

get the money, and then I become a

fugitive. I wasn't actually thinking about

it.

Why can't I say anything without,

without people thinking that I'm actually

serious about everything I say? I don't

know why so many people think I'm this

super serious guy. Who never jokes

about anything. I don't know how you can

be watching me for so long and still not

understand the kind of person I am. It's

just weird. If you've been watching me for

so long, then you should know what, what

I'm like by now, and that I'm not super

serious, and I like to have a joke and a

laugh and say weird stuff. It doesn't mean

that I'm actually thinking of doing it.

There's people who've been following me

for years and they still don't get me,

and they still think that everything I am

saying is 100% serious. And then when I

try and explain that I joke around a lot,

they say, oh, he just says he's joking as

an excuse when actually he means it.

Or maybe I'm just, you know, actually

joking, and then they say, oh well,

you're not a comedian. Since when do you

have to be a comedian to joke about

things? You don't have to be a comedian to

have a joke and a laugh. Such stupid

logic that these people have.

And then they say, oh, you shouldn't joke

about things like that. Who the fuck made

you the joke police? I can joke about

whatever I want to. I don't need your

permission.

Jesus, telling people what they can and

can't joke about. Bloody hell.

And since when was my channel so serious?

I really don't understand why people think

my channel is this super serious channel

when I've made videos called Why

Japanese Girls Love Me, and I call myself

a sex god, and then I zoom into my nipple.

And I have videos where I talk about

sniffing panties and weird

stuff. And for some reason,

people think my channel is a super serious

channel and not a kind of joke

channel or comedy channel. Yeah, I have

some serious videos, but not all of my

videos are serious. I have a video called

Why I Hate Living in Japan, and I just

moan about bacon for half of it.

Don't understand why so many people think

I'm this super serious person. I do a lot

of taking the piss out of things videos.

I have a video called Why Anime Sucks,

and I complain that it sucks because it

tricked me into thinking Japan would be

like anime. Come on,

I'm not being serious about it.

Just because, just because I'm not

laughing and I'm saying it in a serious

way doesn't mean I'm being serious about

it. I'm not PewDiePie. I don't laugh at my

own jokes every 5 seconds.

I'm not saying that everything is is just

me trolling or messing around. Yeah,

there's some trolling and there's some

serious stuff, and I just kind of assume

that people are intelligent enough to be

able to understand which is which,

because I think it's pretty obvious when

I'm joking and when I'm not.

I just find it crazy that I have to even

explain it.

A lot of people do get it, but then a lot

of people just don't get it at all. They

go straight over their heads, and it's

just kind of amazing that some people are

so dumb.

Let me check my video library so I can

give you more examples.

I've deleted a lot though. I had one

called Japanese Apartment Tour and I just

acted like a retard in it.

And the Why I Hate BenDeen videos, those

were all kind of parody stuff.

Why I Hate Being Skinny, the intro is me

talking about how skinny my legs are.

What else?

My mum beat me with a wooden spoon. That

was funny. It's a true story,

but I know it sounds ridiculous. That's

why I made it.

Did I really put my willy in yogurt? Yes,

because, because I heard that yogurt is,

um, what's the word?

It was when I was having a fungal

infection on my foreskin. I've tried

putting yogurt on it because People on the

internet were saying it helps, but it

didn't. Then I put athlete's foot cream on

it, and then it burned. It was so painful.

It was like putting alcohol onto your

foreskin. It stopped the itching, but then

there was a burning sensation. Not a good

I need to piss.

WoW Classic got announced. Did I— do I

plan to play it? I'm not sure. I was

thinking about starting a guild and then

we can all play together. That would be

fun. I'll be the guild

leader and then we can meet up in

Goldshire and do naked roleplay.

I'll strip in the Goldshire Inn.

We can dance. I would prefer an MMO where

you could have player housing, build your—

build your own town. That would be fun.

We could build our own town, meet up,

have parties. Naked parties.

Star Wars Galaxies would have been great

for that, but, um, it's not really

available anymore.

But that sounds weird. Imagine if

I— I don't know. People do that

anyway. You go onto the role-playing

servers on World of Warcraft, go to

Goldshire, everyone's just running around

naked. Having orgies in the inn anyway.

I'm going to the toilet.

Hello. I feel a lot better now.

My head's itchy.

What else happened? Well, I found a

picture of the ex-Korean girlfriend when

she was 20-something. She was quite pretty

when she was younger.

Don't know why she gave me that picture.

If she was 15 years younger, that would

have been great. I'd probably be living in

Korea now.

Why is my head itchy? I don't know, I

washed it today.

How's it going with the Essex girl? We're

still friends. We still chat.

But I don't think we're gonna be boyfriend

and girlfriend. Very sorry.

I think I'd rather go back to Japan. Than

sit around in England not doing anything.

At least in Japan, kind of had things to

be busy with. If I lived by myself, then

at least I have things, things to do,

like going shopping, doing the laundry,

and I could meet up with girls without

having to go all the way to London. The

thing is here, if I want to meet up with a

girl, I have to go all the way to London.

It takes an hour and a half, and it costs

so much money. Costs £27. If I lived in

Japan in a city, just get on a train, 10

minutes, meet up.

Why don't I meet the girl that burned

herself? Because that was 5

years ago. I don't talk to her anymore. I

don't know her contact details, and she's

probably really old now.

Would I ever come to Germany again? No, I

would never ever go to Germany ever again.

Sorry, there's just no reason to. It

wasn't interesting at all. It was okay.

I'd rate it 4 out of 10. Düsseldorf is a

nice enough city, but there's nothing

special about it. It's just a city.

Nothing interesting about it.

And then in Japan, I could do cooking

stuff, Japanese cooking stuff, maybe find

weird stuff to unbox and make videos on.

Maybe meet a guy like James. Be nice to

have a guy friend so I could use him for

I miss walking in Japan streams. Yeah, I

could do those again. Walk around midnight

being all depressed. The depressing

midnight park streams in Japan, those were

classics.

Buying fried chicken from the convenience

store, eating it in the park. Those were

kind of fun. I felt incredibly lonely

though. That's why I felt so relieved when

I met my wife. It was so nice. I was just

really depressed in the guest house all

alone. And then she came along and I felt

like I had someone.

And then we moved in. I moved in with her.

It just felt so nice escaping from that

shithole guesthouse with all those crazy—

that fat, crazy French guy. Remember him?

He was nuts. He would pace up and down the

hallway at night muttering to himself.

It was really creepy.

I could hear him in the toilets just

speaking to himself. I thought maybe he

was on, on his phone talking to someone,

but he wasn't. There was no phone, no

hands-free thing. He was just talking to

himself. It was really weird.

And my wife said she hasn't handed in the

divorce paper because— she said she was

scared to, because if she handed them in,

then it's like we're officially over, and

she was afraid of that.

I don't know if she would take me back. I

did sleep with a couple women since she

left. I don't know if she'd be able to

forgive me for that.

I chatted to her and I told her— I chatted

to her last week. I said to her that if

I'm being 100% honest, I was happier last

year with you than I am now. So I don't

really feel very happy right now. Don't

really see the benefits of breaking up

with her. And what was the point?

Do you think she would take me back?

I'm just losing hope. I don't think I can

get a girl that I'm imagining.

They're just too— they're too high up on

the ladder. They're out of my league. I

don't— I'm not physically attractive

enough. I'm not charming enough. I'm not

rich enough.

If I really wanted a girl like one of

those girls I really want, I'd have to go

to the gym, buff myself up, get back

into education, get a degree, maybe get a

proper job. But then if I get a job, I

wouldn't be able to go to Japan. Maybe

even getting an English teaching job would

make me more appealing. But it's

just so much time and effort. If I wanted

to get a degree, it would take at least 4

years, and then all of the money and time

it would require to get that degree, and

then I have to look for a job. I don't

want to get a job. And then

I keep thinking to myself, is it really

worth it? To get that girl, that— to get

my dream girl, is it really worth all that

time and effort and money and hard work?

And the answer is always no. Yeah, I like

cute girls, but is it really worth all

that effort? No, I don't think so.

Unfortunately. Yeah, in a dream world,

it'd be nice to get my dream girl, but

it's just too much hard work, and I'm very

lazy.

And I don't want to teach English.

The idea of standing up in front of a

classroom full of kids doesn't interest me

at all, and it's scary. I'd be really

And then what if I get my degree and then

I die from some kind of accident? Would

have been a big waste of time.

I think it's too much. Too much effort

just for a girl, just for, for dream girl.

Is it really worth it? I don't know,

maybe not.

I'm starting to wonder if girls are really

worth all this effort and hard work.

Why can't I just play Rainbow Six and not

do anything with my life and still get my

dream girl?

But what if I get my dream girl and she's

really annoying and then she ages in 10

years and then she's not my dream girl

anymore? Hmm. Hmm,

tricky, isn't it?

It's just hard giving up on the idea of

the dream girl.

It's either sex doll or prostitutes.

Or get a degree and go to the gym.

Oh, thank you, Andy. No, I don't like

guys. I don't like cops.

What should I do with my life?

I don't know.

I just feel like life's ticking away in

front of my eyes, but I

don't know what else to do with it. I've

been gifted with the gift of life.

What am I supposed to do with it? Make the

world a better place?

I don't really care if it's a better place

or not, really.

Um.

What would you like me to do? Apart from

getting a job, because I'm not gonna get a

job, okay? Be quiet about the job thing.

Have I ever— have I ever helped someone

and felt good about it?

No, I don't really feel good helping

people.

I guess it's okay when people are helped

by me, but I don't, don't derive

pleasure from helping people. I just don't

really see the point. What's in it for me?

Well, I gave TotalBiscuit's wife— I

donated $15 when he died. That kind of

Apart from that, I haven't done anything

else to help people. How can I help people

though? I don't know what I can do to help

people.

Maybe I can help people using my YouTube

channel. I could give out shoutouts to

help wannabe YouTubers.

Oh, Sam Bloom, thank you. How expensive is

it to get a spousal visa? It only costs

about ¥4,000 to get the stamp.

That's it. How can I use my YouTube

channel to help people?

How expensive is it to get a spousal visa?

If I find a cute girl who's on YouTube and

she wants to become a YouTuber, I could

give her a shout out.

I think I've, I've given shoutouts

indirectly to many people. Tomoko, for

example, the Turkish girl, she got a lot

of new subscribers thanks to me.

That guy, Konaito, he gained a lot of

views because of the videos he made on me.

So in a way, I did help them, but I didn't

feel good about it. I felt bad.

I didn't want them to get subscribers.

The Turkish girl's YouTube channel is

P-U-L-A-R-T. See, I helped her again.

I, I'm just the gift that keeps on giving.

What's stopping me from becoming a porn

actor? Well, number one, even if I wanted

to become one, I have no idea How to— do I

just apply, sign up?

Number 2, it looks very shady and

I don't really feel comfortable having a

camera crew filming me.

I just read it will cost ¥150,000 to get

spouse visa. That's not true. I didn't pay

anything. I only paid ¥4,000 for the

You don't need a camera crew, just film it

yourself. But then I need to find a girl

who is okay with me filming and then

uploading it. Can I hire girls who are

okay with that?

Wants to be a porn actor but doesn't want

to be filmed. I mean, I don't mind filming

it myself or just setting up a tripod,

but I wouldn't like having a bunch of guys

directing it. That would be stupid.

I have a Pornhub account and it's

verified, so I could make money off it if

I started uploading stuff. But I don't

want to. It's kind of embarrassing. I

don't mind people seeing it, but I'm just

worried about my relatives seeing it

and people I know seeing it. And I

don't know, I guess I'm worried about

people searching my name and then all my

sex videos come up. That would be kind of

I don't know how they do it, those porn

stars. They, they must just have— they

just mustn't care about anything.

They must have no embarrassment.

Isn't it embarrassing if your name gets

searched up and then all your sex tapes

come up? That'd be weird.

What if your dad looks it up? Oh,

thank you, Midian Anthony.

Stoicism— I don't know how to pronounce

that word— can be useful. I don't even

know what it means, actually. I don't

know what that word means.

If you had a daughter and she was a porn

star, would you watch secretly?

Just asking, I'm not saying I would.

I'd rather make YouTube videos instead of

porn videos, really.

And I would like to do cooking videos

instead of drama videos. If they got

views, I think it'd be great if I could

turn this channel into a cooking channel

where I try different recipes, maybe like

an ASMR thing.

I'd rather be doing that than whinging

about people all the time,

but doesn't get views,

doesn't get many views. Maybe I'll try,

see how it goes.

There's so many things I could do. Could

do unboxings, could do commentary, could

do cooking.

It's just scary trying something new

because there's a risk of failure.

Right now I kind of know what gets views,

and that's drama and girls, so I feel

comfortable making that stuff. But it's

scary to try something new and then it

fails and then everyone goes, Haha,

Daniel's new video only got 5K views,

and then I feel embarrassed.

No risk, no gain. Yeah, that's true. I

need to risk— take some risks on content,

try and make something a bit different.

Start a second channel with new ideas. I

could do,

but then it won't get any views. At least

if I put on my main channel, we get some

views instead of hardly any at all.

Galaxy S10 review. I'm thinking about

doing that. S10 Plus review.

It's a very good phone. I think

it's the best phone I've ever used. I got

a battery case for it. Now the battery

lasts all day long. Look at it, it's

pretty. Face unlock's

really good. I like the way when you face

unlock, it just automatically unlocks and

opens up to the home page. On iPhone, you

have to swipe up after it's unlocked.

And I like the way there's a fingerprint

scanner, gives you

options.

Do I have a job? Yes, my job is

making exciting content on youtube.com.

And streaming.

Update on Essex Girl: I don't think we're

gonna be lovers. I think we're gonna be

friends.

And I think I'm gonna go back to Japan

because I just don't see this whole

looking for a girlfriend using my YouTube

channel thing working. If I'm gonna

find a girlfriend, I think it'd be better

if she doesn't know about my channel. Uh,

it'd be better if she doesn't speak

English so she wouldn't understand if she

did find it.

Because so far I've met 4 girls,

none of them were up to my standards.

And there were a bunch of other girls who

wanted to meet me. Half of them flaked,

and then the other half I flaked because I

changed my mind. I was too lazy to meet

them.

How about going back to my wife? Do you

think she would even accept me? Take me

back? If there was a 100% chance

of her— if there was a 0% chance of her

taking me back, then why hasn't she handed

in the divorce papers? Maybe she's waiting

for me to come back.

It wasn't too bad. I guess— I suppose it

might not be too bad having her as my wife

again, and then I just get a sex doll to

fulfill my urges. But I want

a proper sex doll, not just the buttocks.

I want legs. I want at least legs.

She said she had to chuck it out. She said

she couldn't sell it. My sex doll. She

took a photo of it and sent it to me.

Remember my big butt cheek realistic

sex doll? I put a picture on my Discord.

I'm not sure how many people saw it

though. Oh, thank you, Sam Bloom. What's

my favorite place to go in Japan?

Have I visited Osaka? What's your new

favorite place to go in Japan? Have you

visited/stayed in Osaka? Also, how many

times have you been to a love hotel?

Happy crying face, lol. My favorite place

is Osaka, and that's where I lived last

year. Well, I lived slightly outside of

it, and I've been to a lot of love hotels.

I think I went to nearly all of them in

Shinjuku. I went to A lot

in Osaka as well. There's a little area

in Osaka where they have loads of love

hotels.

They're pretty handy. You can go in for an

hour, only costs about ¥2,000.

Around 5 years ago, uh, that married

Japanese woman, she paid for all of them.

We went to love hotels nearly every 2

nights. For several months. We went

to some pretty nice ones. They have these

bathrooms where they have a mist— mist

machine, and it fills the room full of

mist and steam. It's really nice.

Big beds, furniture is really nice.

Didn't Chihiro move to a smaller place?

Yeah, she got herself a little apartment

around the same size as the first one, if

you remember that one-bedroom apartment.

Just has a bedroom and a little kitchen.

It's a shame, the new apartment was really

nice. It's a very nice apartment and it

was so affordable. It's only about £500 a

Thanks, Tomo L.

You're not the real one, are you? I don't

think it's the real Tomoko.

If I go back, I'll get an Airbnb. Airbnb

is pretty affordable in Japan. You can get