[2025-03-06] still blocked...it's over -( [UDM65AI1wuE]

Testing. Finally moved the mic over to the

other side. It should be more stable

Just— I had the mic on this side because I

used to have a camera here and the mic was

blocking my face, so I put it on that

side. But now I don't use the camera, I

use this webcam, which actually I quite

like. So now I can put the mic over on the

other side where the table is less thick,

so it can grip onto it better.

Ah, week 2 being blocked.

Feels bad, man.

Feels bad being hated,

tossed aside.

You tried Sunny's line? Yeah, I did. How

did you know?

It says message read, but I don't know if

she blocked me straight after that.

Surprised I wasn't already blocked on it.

Maybe she just forgot to block me on

everything because there's so many apps

Yeah, I did message again, but It

doesn't say red.

Third number blocked. I don't know. So

yesterday I went a bit crazy.

Um, I might have spammed phoned her like

40 times at 4 AM in the morning and it

didn't pick up. So don't

know if it's blocked now. Don't know if

she saw all the calls and then blocked it

when she woke up. I haven't tried calling

again.

Yeah, I think I'm losing my mind.

No, it definitely called and then it went

to voicemail after ringing for about 20

seconds maybe, but it's probably blocked

now. She blocked the second number after

I used it a few times.

Why would I spam call her? Because I'm

sad.

I don't know what else to do.

I delivered about 85 parcels today, and

then tomorrow I got 76,

which is good. Means I got solid money

coming in now.

It should be like £100, but the boss is

being weird. I mean, he says hello when

I see him at the place, but then when I

text him, he doesn't reply or he just does

an emoji. So I texted him again today. I

said, Uh, just to let you know, I'm gonna

be coming back to the depot to pick up the

rest of the parcels. You said I'll get

extra pay if I come back. And then he just

did the thumbs up emoji to it. It's pretty

weird. I thought he might just say like,

okay mate, like he used to. I don't know

why he's not replying. I've now triple

texted him. He hasn't replied at all. Not

even like an okay. I don't, I don't get

it. Like, it would take 2 seconds to type

okay. Probably be faster to type okay

than it is to select the emoji. It's just

really bizarre.

Maybe he's mad because when one time I

left him on read and I didn't say

anything.

God, I just, I don't understand human

beings. It's just so weird. And then I

parked my car at the side of the road to

go deliver this parcel to a house. Stupid

big red Parcel Force van guy rolls up next

to me. He's like, are you broken down? I

said, no, delivering parcels. And then he

starts telling me off for blocking the

road. I'm not blocking the road, just go

around me, stupid idiot. You're a delivery

man, you should understand. As if you've

never blocked anyone with your big fat

van. It's just unfortunate because at that

very time there was another car coming,

so he had to give way. So he was like

pissed he had to give way or something.

So you shouldn't— why don't you pull into

the drive? Blocking the traffic here.

This stupid country accent. Although the

traffic of 2 cars that comes along every

30 minutes on this dead country road—

block my ass. Shut up and keep driving.

Fuckin' moron. Trying to do my job here.

I park on people's driveway and they get

pissed, and then I park on the side of the

road, people get pissed. What can I do?

I made it a thing to not go onto people's

driveways now, because last time, one time

I got the wrong driveway, and then he

closed me in on his driveway and shut his

gate, and then he was like, you shouldn't

be parking in people's driveway. Where am

I supposed to park then, stupid idiots?

Getting pissed off with the accent here.

It's just annoying.

Now, why do people tell me off like I'm a

child? If I was like a 50-year-old white

man with a beard driving a postman van and

my postman van was on the side of the

road, do you think people would tell me

off? So annoying the way I get treated.

The disrespect.

People talk down to me like I'm a child

all the time. It's so irritating.

And I bet you anything if I look like, I

don't know, black man or white man,

people wouldn't talk to me like that.

People see me and they think I'm like a

teenager or something, and they're so

rude. So I'd love to see them talk that

way to another fellow adult. With a big

fat beer belly, hairy legs.

It's so irritating. So I don't want

to— I don't know, I just said okay,

sorry, but he kept going on. I was like,

okay, just shut up and go.

I wonder if one day I'm ever gonna talk

back.

I'm just too scared to.

I should have been like, oh, what are you

gonna do about it then?

Idiot.

Well, saying sorry is like the only way

you can get them to get lost as quickly as

possible, which is all I want. I just want

you to shut up. I want to get my parcel

and deliver it, and then I want to move

on. It's not like I'm sitting here I feel

like next time someone asks me, am I

broken down, I'll just say, yeah, I am,

and then they won't get mad.

So the whole day was great apart from

really needed to pee, and I thought— well,

I drove past the Tesco thinking I've only

got 10 parcels left, and then I had to

wait like half an hour because I was too

early. To deliver the thing,

and I really needed to pee.

I think the need to pee is the most

annoying thing about the job. It's so

uncomfortable. I've got my Huel shaker

today, so it's really annoying having to

eat a dry sandwich as well when you're

trying to like eat quickly, and then

you've got this dry sandwich and you're

like masticating it so it turns into wet

slop. I can't wait to just switch to Huel

and it's already wet slop and I just go

like that. 400 calories.

Oh, also, I couldn't return the heater. I

went to the post office and they said,

um, we need a QR code to print the label.

I don't have a QR code. I only have the

label. I can't print it because I don't

have a printer. So I said, well, if I just

pay for postage? And she said it would be

expensive. So either I pay for postage,

which would be like £20, or I buy a

printer, which is like £40, or I look for

somewhere that can print a label. I think

there's maybe a printing kiosk in Tesco.

I'll have a look tomorrow. Really

irritating. Most of the time when you

return stuff, um, it will have a

QR code and a post office person scans it

and then it will print out a label. I

don't know why this time it hasn't given

me that option. The only options are

printer required, box required.

I don't have a printer.

Back in the day, you just, you wrote on a

piece of paper and you wrote like the

barcode number and then you put it into

the box.

And then sometimes you return stuff and

the UPS truck shows up the next day and

picks it up. But this one, it says I've

got to drop off at the post office.

I don't want an £85 oil heater. Now it's

Sunny accept the apology. I think she

just won't accept it. It's just not good

enough. There's nothing that can be done

apart from going back in time and doing as

she asked when she asked for it. To be

honest, she didn't ask for it though. She

expected me to do it without being asked,

and I didn't try hard enough.

To go and pick her up without being asked.

And when she had to finally make— when she

finally had to spell it out, it was too

late. It's like one of those things where

if I have to spell it out to you, then

there's no point anymore. Don't bother.

I shouldn't have to spell it out to you

for you to do it. That's the kind of

scenario. And I didn't— I had no idea, to

be honest. I thought if she really wanted

to come over that night, she would say,

can I come over tonight? But I didn't

realize I was supposed to be like, don't

worry, I'm coming now.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, take the initiative. It's not really

my strong suit, is it? Taking the

initiative. When I take the initiative, I

usually make the wrong decision. Like I

park on someone's driveway or I park on

the side of the road. Yeah, I could have

gone onto the person's driveway, and I

actually ended up doing that because I

needed to do a U-turn anyway. Um, but I

thought I'd play it safe and don't go on

the driveway. And then get told off

because I parked to the side of the road.

And the idiot told me off because he got

mad because he had to give way to an

oncoming car. Stupid idiot.

He was like, oh, you're holding up

traffic. I should have said, so are you.

Come on, keep moving. Shut up.

Stop having a go at me, you're holding up

traffic now. Prick.

Oh, why aren't you pulling into the

driveway? You're holding up traffic here.

Retard accent.

Well, I can't get my convoy of harvesters

down the road because of you.

Sound like a moron.

So much for, um,

camaraderie between delivery drivers.

Yeah, it's weird accent. It's got like a

hint of American in it, which With the R,

they do the hard R, like harvester.

I went to Exeter Airport. So you can

tell where the American accent originated

from. Like that American R clearly came

from England. It just seems like the

Southeast dropped it. Ireland uses it.

Scotland does like a weird rolling R.

Murdaugh. And then the Southwest used

the hard R. It's like only the Southeast

dropped it. I thought all of England

dropped it. I thought it was just an

American thing.

Yeah, last night was rough. I woke up in

the middle of the night. I had night

terrors. Couldn't sleep. Ended up spamming

Sunny's phone like 40 times.

And then I just sat in bed for like an

hour.

I was like a drop. I was like this. I

needed to get the other SIM card to put

into my phone. The one I had to get the

SIM card that wasn't blocked and like get

the SIM card ejects. I was like, oh,

Sunny. Oh my God.

And I was dialing the numbers like that.

I was like shaking. I had the worst dream

ever.

I was spamming her phone for like an hour,

and then I gave up and fell asleep.

Texted her Line as well. I said, please,

Sunny, talk to me. She read it,

probably blocked me straight away.

Surprised she didn't block me already on

Line. No, I didn't dream

I spammed it. I actually did it. I woke up

in the middle of the night, 4 AM. God, it

was rough.

These dreams— if it wasn't for these

dreams, I'd be okay, I guess. But it's

like when I go sleep and I have these

crazy dreams, it makes it worse because

you wake up from the dream and you're

like, oh my God. It feels

so real.

I felt like, oh my God, I'm going to get

in the car and go over there. 5 a.m. in

I actually feel like I'm going crazy.

Her being so close is also not good.

I drive so close to where she lives on the

way to work. You mentioned you're a

narcissist, but you do care about people.

Yeah, in a weird way, I guess. Or maybe—

so I thought maybe

why this is upsetting me so much is

because narcissists hate getting blocked.

Because once you're blocked, your words

have no power. You can't, like, influence

or change a situation with your words.

You're, like, completely powerless. A

narcissist's power comes from their words

to either hurt or plead. And when you're

blocked, you can't do anything. It's like

you've been muffled, you've been silenced.

It hurts. I don't think anything else

can be so— I don't know, it's like slow,

drawn-out torture.

Block her back? What's the point? Then I

won't know if she ever unblocks me.

Yeah, I have blocked people too.

Like, I blocked Mila mainly because I

didn't really want to hear what she had to

say anymore. I was done with her. Maybe

that's exactly what Sunny's thinking.

Like, she has no interest in anything I

have to say. I failed that test

on Sunday, and because of that, there's

literally nothing I can do or say to make

her change her mind, which is what she

thinks. So she just blocks me because she

doesn't want to hear anything.

Yeah, once you've decided what you want to

do, you don't really want to hear the

other person pleading because it just

makes it harder to stick with the decision

Because it's either they're going to start

pleading or they're going to start getting

angry. What outcome would make

you want to unblock them? Like, they're

going to say sorry, but you don't really

care anymore because you don't accept

their apology. So That's what the block is

about.

If you hadn't been so mean on stream, she

might not have blocked you. Yeah,

that probably didn't help. I get carried

away and I can't stop myself.

It all comes out, the nastiness.

What's a Travis Bickle arc?

Oh, thanks. Start working out, Daniel. I

do need confidence. I do 15 reps on my 10

kg dumbbell and I do 30 push-ups every

I'm just— I'm really scared I'm going to

lose the willpower to not

go over there because I know that's not

going to be good. We all know what

happened when I went over to Chihiro's

place. I don't want to repeat that.

But what's the point? Like, I confront her

and then what? She tells me to go away.

She'll be like, I don't want to talk to

you, then you go away.

It's completely pointless.

Chihiro used to love when you would try

about missing her. It gave her a sort of

pleasure. Up, she told me she would laugh.

The Boxing Day video crying. Sunny is

probably watching her streams, getting a

perverse pleasure from you being upset.

Yeah, Chihiro is just happy that I

did have some kind of feelings for her.

Maybe Chihiro

is a bit egotistic too. That's why she

liked being on the channel so much.

Oh well, thanks. Her dad will batter you

if you go over. Stay away. Her dad's not

around anymore, but her mum might.

Her mum sounds like a fierce English

woman.

You get away from my fucking daughter!

She don't want you. Go on, sling your

hook. Go back to fucking Kent. Leave my

daughter alone. That— she probably got

like thick Essex accent.

No, I don't think that's what she sounds

like. I think I did hear her voice when

Sonny phoned her once. She doesn't sound

like Pat Butcher.

You respected Mila more? I don't know.

When Mila dumped me, I did that stream and

I was like, B-word, B-word, B-word. The

stream got age-restricted because I swore

so much, and then I had to end it and

restart the stream so I could actually get

a Super Chat. I couldn't get Super Chats.

The stream got age-restricted because I

swore so much in the beginning of it. And

then I blocked her. I don't know if Mida

was watching that.

That's how you burn a bridge. But for some

reason, when Mida dumped me after

Christmas, I didn't care. I didn't feel

sad. I didn't, like, desperately try and

contact her. I didn't keep spamming her

phone. I actually— I blocked her. I don't

know if she blocked me.

I felt like— I

don't know, I was happy with it. I was

happy to leave and go home, happy to be

finished with her. I don't know why this

time's different.

Mila didn't live 15 minutes away. Yes,

she did. What are you talking about? She

could literally ride her bicycle to my

house in Rotterdam from her place.

I actually walked home once. Oh no, you

got to get the tram actually, and then

walk a bit.

But I guess I was just getting more and

more miserable with Mila. And then when

finally she dumped me, I was like, okay,

Whatever. Rita cost me a lot of money too,

you know. I got, I got that apartment in

Rotterdam for her, and that was 6 months

plus 2 months deposit. It cost like

£10,000. And all those Airbnbs and

the traveling across Germany.

Hotels. Didn't care back then because I

made a lot more money, but I guess I'm

going to be making good money too now I've

got this delivery job.

Didn't get my invoice. I got an email

saying the invoice is being delayed. It

might not come until tomorrow. Great.

What's for dinner today? I'm going to

attempt crispy pork belly again.

Have I talked to my sister? Yeah, my

sister doesn't think Sunny's very nice.

I think it's pretty harsh to get dumped

for that.

I've been dumped for way worse.

I mean, what I mean is I've done way worse

and not been dumped.

There's no point talking about it. It's

not going to achieve anything.

Will I learn anything from this?

Not really.

It's not 48p per parcel,

shut up. Oh my God, you're so stupid.

It's like a pound a parcel.

It's like 80p for a small one,

then a pound for a standard one, £1.20 for

a heavy big one.

Give her some time. It's been nearly 2

weeks now, coming up to the The

second Sunday? It happened on a Sunday,

so the last Sunday was the second one. So

we're coming up to the third Sunday. So

it's been 5, 6, 7, 8, 9— it's been

nearly 2 weeks.

When do I plan to stop moping about her?

I don't know. Does life get better?

Are things going to change? Is it just

going to be like this for the rest of my

life? I feel like I'm just frozen,

stuck in a void, caught in a trap.

Don't know how to move on.

I do really like the job. The job's so

easy.

Maybe if I lost the job, then I would

definitely think about leaving. I feel

like the job is Keeping me here.

I guess I could try like Postman,

DPD,

go home, sell the car, 10K.

Back to full-time YouTube.

You're going to be alone for the rest of

your life. Yeah, maybe.

It's a scary thought. But people are just

so needy.

Like, you got to do this, you got to do

that, be supportive, show that you care.

It's so hard.

What's the point doing dead-end driving

jobs? Because they make good money and

it's easy work. It's easy work,

you don't have to talk to anyone, and it

pays more than minimum wage. So I

quite like it. Cut that

lesbian hair, lift weights, go home and

focus on not being a little bitch face

with rolling eyes. Sunny wasn't even fit,

FFS. The itch blocked the toilet also.

I like my hair. Let it get a bit longer.

You've ditched so many women in Asia,

it's not like everyone dumps you. Yeah,

well, the ones I don't want dump— I mean,

the ones that I don't want don't dump me,

and then the ones I want do dump me. How

come I can't just get someone I want that

doesn't dump me? I mean,

it's great that, yeah, there's been a lot

of women who did want to be with me, but

what's the point if you don't want to be

Have I found out if I can do the delivery

job back home? Well, yeah, they've got—

the company is nationwide, but I

don't really like driving around where I

live. The difficulty is much higher and

there's a lot more police, a lot more

speed cameras, a lot more bus lanes,

hazards. The driving difficulty is way

easier here. The only thing you gotta be

careful about here is farming

vehicles like big tractors and stuff, but

you just go around them. It's not hard.

There's just so many more hazards in Kent

when you're driving.

Although Uber Eats did make good money. I

was making like £80 for doing 5, 6 hours

camping outside McDonald's.

Sometimes you get tips.

She's still angry, but it's been 2

weeks.

I thought she might think, oh, maybe I was

asking— I mean, she literally said, I know

I'm asking too much, it's okay if you

don't want to, I won't be mad.

So she obviously didn't mean that.

I thought maybe she would think he

had his reasons.

And then maybe forgive me for it. But it

seems like she's really pissed about it

still, and like forever.

I can't focus very well on texting whilst

I'm streaming.

I hate it when this happens when I'm

streaming. If it wasn't— if I wasn't

streaming, I might have been able to

handle it better.

Yeah, I did kind of ignore her for like 6

days. That probably was the reason why.

Because I apologized on Monday and then

she was like, I'll drop off your clothing

next week. I mean, end of this week. And

she probably was planning to do that. But

then I didn't text her at all from that

Monday conversation. I guess I kind of

gave up.

I didn't— honestly, I didn't really know

what else to say because I said sorry.

But it obviously wasn't good enough. So I

didn't know what else I can say apart from

saying sorry. It won't happen again.

I tried to explain why I didn't—

why I ignored her,

but she sees that as me not caring.

She'll say, You didn't even say anything

else, which kind of proved that you just

don't care at all.

Did I get the washing machine?

No. I feel like I'm just going to wear my

same stinking socks for the entire 6

months. Who cares? Obviously they're going

to get to a point where it cannot get any

stinkier.

Just spray some Alst on it.

Stop streaming for a month or two. I

can't. I need the money, but it destroyed

my relationship because I ended up ranting

on it uncontrollably,

prioritizing it over the relationship as

well.

Streaming causes me a lot of problems.

Stream once a week.

I can't. I'm making so

much money. How much earn streaming

anyway? Like £300 or £600?

Uh, more like £1,300 last

month.

I could probably make over $3K if I do

full-time delivery and also stream every

day. I'm letting the greed of the money

overtake everything. That's the problem.

I get very greedy, prioritize that. I

mean, I basically destroyed my marriage

because I got greedy for YouTube views. I

was like, oh my God, just one more, it's

gonna go viral.

Like, I didn't—

I started the relationship with Chihiro

with good intentions, and then the YouTube

channel blew up, and then I kind of just

became completely willing to sacrifice the

relationship for YouTube views.

I thought I wouldn't do that anymore now

the channel's dead, but I still couldn't

stop streaming. I'm like addicted to

streaming because of the money.

And then when someone tells me to stop

streaming or pause streaming, I get kind

I'm not very good at managing

multiple things going on at the same time.

I usually hyperfocus on one thing.

Like Amazon Flex or YouTube, I don't

know. And then I

neglect everything else.

Yeah, now I'm hyperfocused on Sunny when

it's the wrong time. I should have been

focused more on her before she blocked me,

and then this wouldn't have happened. I'm

always focusing on the wrong thing at the

I just hope I can have a good night's

sleep tonight and not get traumatized

because I'm going to end up trying to

phone her again and then find that she's

blocked my third number. And then it's

going to make me feel even shitter.

She really just doesn't want to talk at

all. You ain't built for relationships,

Daniel. Yeah, they're so difficult.

Why did she block you? Because she had

a fight with her mum. And instead of

showing how much I care, I focused

on streaming. And then I didn't make

an effort to rescue her until she had to

spit it out. And by then it was too late.

She had already gotten angry. So because

she was angry, I ignored her and I carried

on talking about my stuff on stream. And

then she got even more angry. And then she

said I failed her. She can't trust me to

be relied on, and then she blocked me and

removed me from the Steam family.

She removed me from the Steam family on

Saturday, so do you think I had until

Saturday to try and turn things around?

But I didn't bother.

Why didn't she just— I mean, if she

blocked me on Monday, why would she not

remove me from Steam on the same day?

She always seems like— I don't know, the

Steam removal seems to come very quickly

I don't know why I didn't care more.

When I had the chance to do something,

I was too caught up with my job, really,

like trying to focus on how to do the job

better.

Now I'm pretty good at it. I can scan all

the parcels in 30 minutes, and then I can

rescan and order them in 30 minutes. I've

got them all perfectly numbered up.

So easy to find them. It's not like Amazon

when I was like, where's Mrs.

Pickaford? And then she's at the bottom of

the seat.

She forgot to remove you right away.

Yeah, like she forgot to block me online

until I messaged her on it.

But last time we fought, she removed me.

She hasn't blocked me. It said read.

She hasn't blocked me online. I just

checked it. It said read. Shit, I should

have said a better message. Oh, fuck's

sake. I just said the same thing I already

said. I said I'm really sorry about not

picking you up. Didn't know it would upset

you so much. Damn it, I should have said

like, I miss you or something.

She just read it.

Block incoming.

Either it's block incoming or long message

about stop messaging me.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I feel you're heading towards mental

breakdown. Yeah, it's going to be rough.

If I lose my job as well, I don't know

what's going to happen. I'm going to be

so— I don't know.

Pray for me, guys.

My focus now is to do my job best I can,

but I'm like a bit anxious about the job

because the boss being a bit cold towards

me. Whereas he was really friendly in the

beginning. Like, he used to text a lot.

He would like write paragraphs of text

trying to sell me the job. Like, he would

say stuff like, I'm trying to get you guys

the best rates, trying to do

this for you. I'm doing— maybe, I don't

know, he felt like my responses were cold

and he found it unfriendly. I don't know

why the boss's attitude suddenly changed.

It's really thrown me off.

Like, he seemed really eager and

enthusiastic in the texts in the first

week or two. Yeah, maybe he's going

through something.

Do you think he found out about your

YouTube channel? I mean, it's a

possibility. And then he just thinks I'm a

weirdo and he like doesn't want to get too

close with the texting.

He used to be very casual with the

texting, like he would write lol and mate,

and now I don't get anything, I just get

an emoji. Why don't you ask him? It'll be

so weird. Hey, boss. Why aren't you

replying to my texts? I sound like a

woman. I sound like a nagging woman.

If I go to him, I start whining that his

texts— Sunny now. Oh, boss, your texts are

so dry. What's wrong?

You're not his only employee.

Yeah, but it's his job. He's the manager.

He's supposed— that's what he's there for,

to help the employees. I don't think it's

really helpful when my 2 messages got

Yeah, okay, it was his day off, but why

didn't he reply to it when it was not his

day off? Also, there's a lot of cars

everywhere parked. Is it a holiday or

something? It's like people not going to

work. More cars parked on the road than

usual.

I don't

know if— I'm scared the other guys at, at

the depot are going to find me unfriendly,

and then they're going to start being

weird to me as well. This is why I don't

want to get a job. I'm scared of social

interaction. I feel like everyone just

ends up hating me. I say the wrong thing,

or I don't ask some questions, or I don't

say hello one time, and then they think

I'm a weirdo. And then I get,

like, weird vibes from them, like they're

avoiding me or something. This is why I

don't like working a normal job with

people. I overthink

everything.

I'm scared of

saying good morning first for some reason.

I find it very hard to say good morning

first. Well, sometimes I do it

because I feel like if I don't say good

morning, it's going to look really weird.

Yeah, I guess they don't care. Everyone

just wants to pack their parcels and get

God, I'm so awkward when I deliver the

parcels. I'm like, hello,

thanks, bye, have a nice day, bye. I just

kind of Murmur it. Sometimes I

feel like, you know, sometimes the

customers seem kind of rude as well, like

they don't say hello or thanks, and then I

feel stupid for being so friendly.

Now I'm remembering which customers are

like that, and I'm just not gonna bother.

One of them just looked at me and took the

parcel and went back in. Didn't even say

Some are really friendly though,

and I've seen them almost every day now,

so they remember me.

I had to go to this retirement home, drop

off some parcels, and then the gate

started closing. I didn't know how to open

the gate, so I jumped over the wall.

They're so silly. They got a wall, it's

like knee-high or waist-height. Wall with

a big electric gate. I couldn't figure out

how to open the gate to get out, so I just

jumped over the wall. What a pointless

gate. If you can just jump over the wall,

what's the point having the gate then?

At least I'm agile enough to be able to

jump over a wall, Jackie Chan style.

Do you think I smell so bad they can smell

it? I put deodorant on.

I thought about getting one of those

portable washing machines. They're about

£80. It's got a 5 kg load.

You got to, um, I don't know, get a

bucket and pour water into it, and then

it's got like a hose where it drains out

I just, I don't care, to be honest.

But then a portable washer is only not

that much cheaper than an actual washing

machine.

God, it'd be so nice if I could fit all

the parcels into my car without having to

go back. That'd be so good.

I thought maybe I could take out the back

seats, just cut them out,

unscrew them, but then I won't be able to

take passengers. I hope if— when my

mum and sister come to see me, I hope my

mum's gonna drive.

Isn't it a short drive? Um,

yeah, if I plan the route so I start

heading back towards the depot before

I start doing the remaining— because what

I did was basically I took all the big

parcels and I put them aside, and then I

scanned everything else and put them into

the car. Without the big parcels in, I

could fit loads of parcels. So there was

about 15 big parcels that

wouldn't fit along with the medium-sized

ones. So I put those all aside, but then I

had to like look at the addresses and

reorder them. Now I'm very familiar with

the area, I can do that, but I got to like

plan it myself.

So I plan it so it starts sending me back

towards the depot for the final deliveries

before I go back to pick up all the big

ones. And then I just

do the last— it took me 30 minutes.

I did the last 15 parcels in 30 minutes.

4 of them went to the same house.

15 parcels in 30 minutes. I'm a pro.

There's this one house, it's like up a

hill in the woods, and to get to it

there's a trail and it's really bumpy,

full of potholes. And they've got a

postbox at, at the road, which is really

good. It'd be so good if I could just put

the thing in the postbox and go, but the

stupid app says, you are too far away from

the house, get closer. So I have to go all

the way up the bumpy trail to get near the

house so I can press that I'm near the

house. And then they're probably like,

why don't you just leave it in the

postbox? I would love to, but I can't.

And these are so many potholes. I'm like,

my car's going to get wrecked.

Yeah, being a mailman looks pretty good.

I see the postman doing the same routes

as I'm doing. He's got parcels too

sometimes, but he, he knocks on the door

and he like chats with everyone. I see him

standing there chatting with the person.

Wasting time. My mum likes to chat to the

postman too.

People don't really chat to me. I think

they think I look suspicious because I'm

like this Asian guy who looks like a

teenager wearing a hoodie coat.

I don't look like a mature man.

They might think, oh, who's this kid

sneaking into our garden trying to steal

our parcels? I don't think I look very

trustworthy.

Maybe I need a uniform.

You're the only Asian guy? No, I delivered

to one house. This guy opened and he was

like fully Asian. Jet black hair. My hair

is kind of brown, dark brown, but full

Asians have jet black hair and their hair

is really straight. Like they got shocked

by static electricity. And this guy was

fully Asian, but he sounded English.

I don't know, he didn't say much. He just

said yes and thanks.

Maybe he's also a YouTuber and he's there

with his Devon girlfriend.

God, some of these houses are so nice,

like these big houses. With like 5 cars,

a Tesla, a Range Rover, Range Rover,

Range Rover, Land Rover.

So many people got Teslas now. I see a few

Polestars as well. Polestars are even more

expensive than Teslas. They're like luxury

$60K cars.

Houses are massive here.

I wonder how they afford it. What do they

do?

I just— I hope my suspension doesn't get

wrecked. It's basically just a big spring,

isn't it? And like a metal bar.

What if the metal bar just snaps?

How would you even fix— like replace the

suspension? It would be so expensive.

Why don't you get a 4x4? Why don't they

do a 4x4 hatchback?

Because my car's also quite low, so if

it's a deep pothole and I go into it, I

smack the underside of the car against the

road, which is how I dented the underside

of the door. For example, my mum's

old Honda was way higher than my car. My

car's pretty low sitting. You need— really

need like an SUV to sit higher.

Buy air fresheners. I have one.

I've got this. Got it from IKEA. I can't

smell it anymore.

Maybe I need more of them. Oh, I've gone

nose blind.

And I've got 2 strawberry fresheners in

the car. My car's starting to smell bad

though, especially after it rained and all

the rain got on the car and made all the

boxes damp.

Oh, also I keep farting in the car as

well, which makes it smell bad.

I got that house spray. I just give it a

spray, shut the doors.

I wonder if I do smell bad.

I wouldn't know. That's the problem.

Oh, 76 parcels tomorrow. So I'm

glad I'm getting consistently 70+

parcels. A bit worried on Monday when I

only got 40-something.

Not washing clothes, wearing same clothes,

sign of depression. Yeah,

wonder if I'm depressed.

Also giving up on food and just drinking

Huel because I can't be bothered anymore.

I mean, Huel's probably more nutritional

than my sandwich. What's my sandwich got?

Carbs, protein from the ham, some vitamins

and fiber from the salad, and then

mayonnaise. Huel's probably got everything

you need.

Well, I didn't get 40 yesterday, I got

about 85. No, I had 85 today, and

yesterday I had about— yeah,

yesterday I had less, like 50-ish. And but

the day before I had 108.

I feel like I should stop going back to

pick up the rest and just save them for

the next day in case the next day has

less. I feel like, you know, after I've

done 60 or 70, I kind of just want to go

home, not go back and pick up more.

Yeah, Sunday's my day off. I don't know

what to do. I don't know what 48-hour

system means. 24 hours

makes sense. It means all day long. Open

24 hours. Open all day. Open all night.

What does open 48 hours mean?

Well, it's open all day and all night and

all day and all night again. And then

what? So it's open 48 hours every

48 hours. It just means it's open every

single day then. It's such a weird thing

to say. Imagine you go to 7-Eleven. It's

like Open 48 hours a

day. I don't know. Open 48 hours every 2

days. It seems such a redundant thing to

say. They keep saying, oh, we're changing

to a 48-hour system. I don't know what

that means. And they say, oh, it just

means the lorry is going to come in later

to drop off parcels. So it means you're

just going to have more parcels. What?

Why? What? So the lorry, it used

to come in the morning around 8 o'clock or

9 o'clock. Now it doesn't come in the

morning, it comes in the afternoon because

it was there when I went back around 2 PM.

It was there and 2 guys were unloading all

the new parcels. So they just changed it

so the lorry comes in the afternoon

instead of the morning, and now they're

saying, oh, it's a 48-hour system. What

was it before then? I don't understand

They speak weird English here.

Message your boss and ask. Every time I

ask, the reply, I don't understand what it

means. I asked the woman at the depot.

I said, she said, oh, we changed to 48

hours. I said, what does that mean? She

said, oh, it means that they're going to

come and pick it up early. And then it

means we can just come and pick up parcels

when we want. What? How is that any

different to how we were doing it before?

I didn't want to say, what does that mean?

Because she's going to get pissed if I

keep asking her, what do you mean? So I

just pretended— I nodded and I said, oh,

okay. Didn't understand, but whatever.

I'll just figure it out myself.

Yeah, he did say something like,

48-hour system means that we need

the parcels shipped within 48 hours, so

they need to be picked up and out of here

because customers are expecting it

delivered within 48 hours. Something like

that.

What if I don't? What if I leave

parcels behind?

I feel like if I can't get my label

printed for my heater return, I'm just

going to pay for the postage myself.

What's it going to be, £20? I still get

£60 back.

I think there's nothing stopping me from

picking up the parcels in the afternoon

after the lorry comes. Well, you're

supposed to go in the morning and pick up

the parcels that were delivered the

previous day. Um, but I don't think

there's anything stopping me from

delivering them and then going back and

then delivering the ones who got dropped

in the afternoon. But then the next day

there wouldn't be anything to deliver

because I would have already delivered it,

and the next drop wouldn't come until the

afternoon of the next day. So it seems

kind of pointless, doesn't it? I might as

well just pace myself and save the new

batch for tomorrow.

He looks kind of different. How?

Disheveled.

What?

I mean, I had a pretty rough night last

night, to be honest. I just

woke up in the middle of the night. I

couldn't sleep. And I was like having a

I was like— and I was trembling like that.

I was like a crack addict looking for my

SIM cards. I'm like, this SIM, this SIM

hasn't been blocked yet. Where's the SIM

ejector removal tool? Put in the SIM. My

hands were shaking.

I'm gonna buy like 100 SIM cards. She

can't block all of them.

I also had to spend £20 to top them up.

I spent £20 to top up my SIM cards

so I could spam call Sunny 40 times at 5

a.m. in the morning.

Money well spent because the minimum

top-up amount is £5, but the

minimum swap-up for Revolut is £10.

So I topped up £10 and topped up a SIM

but then the other one, the minimum top-up

amount was £10.

Why does your attraction to partners

increase tenfold after the breakup? Yeah,

it's because when you're with them You get

kind of annoyed, and then when they're

gone, you realize, oh fuck, they're gone.

And then you start missing stuff about

them.

It's like when I had the ROG Ally, I

thought it was kind of rubbish, and then I

sold it, and then I thought, oh, it's

actually pretty good.

It's like when you've got long hair and

then you think it looks stupid, so you cut

it all off. And then you regret it and you

think, oh my God, I miss my long hair.

Everything in life is just regret, isn't

it? It's hating

it and then regret losing it. The cycle of

suffering.

Maybe my mum's the same. That's why she

keeps sending me money, because she felt

bad.

I think a lot of people are like it

though. They get angry, emotional, they

say stuff they shouldn't have said. But

the difference is they don't do it on

livestream. That's why I'm extra

fucked. Because I say all on livestream

and I can't control myself.

I should have said something more

passionate online. I should have said

something like, I love you so much, I miss

you, please don't do this. All I said was,

I'm really sorry about not picking you up.

Didn't know it would be so upsetting.

It says read. She read it.

That means she didn't block me after she

read the first one. Maybe there's hope.

No, this is online.

Anyone know what happened to Venus

Angelic? Did she come back?

I'm just wondering what, what's gonna

happen to her. Is she gonna die or

She got locked out of her YouTube account,

she got banned on Twitter, and then she

disappeared on Instagram. I'm kind of

curious. People were saying she died.

She didn't really die, did she? There's no

way.

Oh, there's a subreddit.

Update about Venus.

Situation that we have been wondering

about for a long time. I'm gonna go ahead

and start reading the messages. They did

give me permission to share in some

capacity, so please just bear with me. So

they start off the message saying, pretty

sure what you said about Venus leaving

Japan is true. I'm saying

she left Japan or something.

They're saying she got detained by

Japanese authorities and is in the process

of being deported. Oh my God.

I mean, I talked to Venus back in 2023.

She literally said to me she sells drugs.

Maybe she's trying to be edgy. I don't

Probably just weed, nothing serious.

It's funny how active her subreddit is

still.

They're saying she's probably been locked

up.

That's wild. What a tragic

Her mum seems insane as well. That

Margaret. Venus never stood a chance.

Yeah, I think Japan is not a good place

for a lot of people. It seems to make

mentally unstable people even more

mentally unstable.

I don't think Japan was good for my mental

health. It was

good in the beginning when it was all

fresh and new. I had dreams of living

there, teaching English or having a job.

And then you become bitter and jaded.

Might make dinner soon.

You have sad and desperate eyes.

Yeah, does it look like I was up at 4 AM

last night crying.

I don't know, I feel mentally exhausted.

Spent a mil's worth on SIM cards. Well, I

didn't use any of the credit because she

never picked up.

I think that's how it works. Can I use the

credit for data? Because I probably need

data, and Vodafone is way better than

Three. My main phone was using Three, but

it's just rubbish. I have to keep

switching to my Vodafone to get better

signal. If you come here, you're going to

need Vodafone or Lebara. 02 and 03 are so

I'm just scared I'm gonna do something

that gets me in trouble, like in Japan.

Like, if my mum comes to visit me and she