I have some shocking news

I have some fairly shocking news.

Maybe it's not very shocking to you, but I

felt pretty shocked when I found out about

it. Um, I haven't had many

crushes during my life. I've had about

3 crushes in total. When I say a crush,

I mean someone who I've met in real life

and I felt genuine emotions for,

and I felt absolutely infatuated by, to

the point that I dreamt about them,

I cried over them,

and I was just kind of obsessed with them.

Well, I recently found out that one of my

crushes has had a baby.

Yeah, it was the Taiwanese girl that

I met in 2016 in Taiwan. I guess a

lot of you don't know who she is. Me and

the Taiwanese girl first found each other

all the way back in 2008 on a website

called japancupid.com. At the time, I was

desperately trying to find a Japanese

girlfriend, and I was messaging all these

different women, and one

day I got this message from this Taiwanese

girl And we started chatting,

and she seemed to be quite into me. She

seemed to be quite interested in me, and

we kind of became pen pals. We would start

sending written letters to each other,

which was kind of romantic, and I thought

she was sweet. The problem was I just

wasn't interested in Taiwan. I had

absolutely no interest in going to Taiwan,

and I was just obsessed with Japan and

Japanese girls. At the time, I hadn't

even gone to Japan once, so the idea of

going to Taiwan was just completely out of

the question.

Oh look, there's another secret staircase.

Let's see if this one leads to the bank.

Is it called a bank? I don't know what

it's called. Oh, this is pretty nice.

Sorry, I keep getting distracted whilst

I'm trying to tell the story, but there's

more interesting things down here by the

river than I expected. Oh, look,

someone made a little seat out of a tree

stump. Huh,

I could sit here in this little tin can.

Smells weird. I don't like it.

Uh, what was I saying? Yes, anyway, um, I

went to Japan for the first time and I

kind of just forgot about the Taiwanese

girl, but we kept in touch. We would

message each other— what was that?

We would message each other a couple times

every year. And then 2016

came, which was one of the most depressing

years in my entire life.

Um, I went to Japan for a few months and I

just completely failed to find a

girlfriend, and I became completely and

utterly depressed. Just out of the blue,

the Taiwanese girl just messaged me and

invited me to Taiwan. She said, do you

want to come to Taiwan? We could meet up.

And I got kind of excited about this. I

thought, hey, maybe she's interested in me

romantically. That's why she's inviting me

to Taiwan. So instead of going straight

back home to England, I decided

to book a ticket to Taiwan. It was my

first time ever going to Taiwan. I was

pretty excited about it. And I had a great

first week. It was really nice. She was a

bit different looking to how I expected,

as you can imagine, but I still felt

attracted to her. As soon as I met her,

the first time I saw her in real life, I

did feel physically attracted to her.

The first week in Taiwan was pretty good.

We went to all these different places.

Her family took us to different places as

well. We went to this mountain village,

just the two of us, and it was nice. It

was like a date. I felt like she was my

girlfriend, and at the time it

had been a very long time since I last had

a girlfriend. Between the years of 2014

and 2016, I didn't have any girlfriends.

I only had the Korean lady. Who I met up a

few times, but I didn't really consider

her to be a girlfriend.

And during the first week, I told her that

I was interested in her. I asked her to be

my girlfriend, but she wasn't interested.

And I just felt— I felt crushed. I felt

heartbroken because I was certain that she

was interested in me. I mean, why else

would she invite me all the way to Taiwan

and then do all these kind of couple,

couple things, you know, where we go on

dates? Why would she be doing that with me

if she wasn't interested in me in that

way? So I thought she would say yes, but

she said she wasn't interested in me in

that way. And I was gonna go home.

I was gonna go home back to England. I

booked a ticket and they dropped me off at

the airport and said goodbye. I checked in

my luggage and I was waiting for my

aeroplane. For some reason, my aeroplane

got delayed, so I was just sitting there

waiting for the plane to, to come and

let us get on. And then out of the blue,

she started messaging me again saying that

if I wanted to stay in Taiwan for a bit

longer, she wouldn't mind if I stayed

with her and her family. So I was thinking

to myself, hey, wait a minute, maybe she

is interested in me. Maybe if I stay in

Taiwan for a bit longer with her, maybe,

maybe something will happen between us.

So I did something pretty crazy. I,

I asked the airport staff if I could get

my luggage back out of the aeroplane and

if I could leave the airport. Well, they,

they got onto their walkie-talkie things,

they called a few people And they actually

got my luggage out of the aeroplane and

they made me sign a few documents and they

let me leave the airport again. It's kind

of crazy now that I think about it.

And I got back on the bus and I went back

to Taichung City. Taichung, Taichung,

don't know how you pronounce it. Her

brother was waiting at the bus station

with his car and he drove me back to their

house. It was so weird. They must have

been very confused. We just sent you off

to the airport and now you're back and

you're going to be staying with us? I just

assumed that the Taiwanese girl explained

everything so they, they knew what was

going on. She wasn't there, she was at

work, so her brother took me up to his

room where I stayed for the next 4 weeks.

Yeah, I stayed in their house living with

her family for nearly 4 weeks Before,

before I got fed up and I decided to go

back home to England. And as the

days went by being stuck in her house, I

began to realize what a stupid decision it

was to come back and to live with her in

her house, because she was completely

uninterested in hanging out with me or

spending time with me. She would just go

to work and then come home, shut herself

in her room, sleep all day, and I barely

even saw her. I saw her for about not even

an hour every day, and I was getting

extremely depressed. I was making videos

in her brother's room.

They were really stupid videos where I

just did acting, and I did kind of like

skits, and it was just really cringy.

I was doing YouTube back then as well,

but I only had about 4 400 subscribers.

And after a few weeks, I got a bit fed up

and I started complaining to her about it.

I said, how come you invited me here but

you don't want to spend time with me? And

she would just say, why don't you talk to

my family or go sightseeing by yourself?

And that kind of irritated me. I thought

to myself, I didn't come all this way to

see your family or to talk to your family.

I didn't come all this way to do

sightseeing either. I thought it was

pretty obvious why I came back. It's

because I have a massive crush on you.

And she still wasn't interested.

Even after a few weeks, nothing happened.

The only thing that happened was she did

start to spend a little bit more time with

me. She let me come into her room and sit

with her, and she let me go on walks

with her. She even brought me to her

workplace once. And we just sat there for

hours and hours. It was kind of hard

communicating with her because she didn't

speak very good English, and the way she

spoke English just sounded so funny. The

way she would pronounce words, it just

made me laugh. I thought it was cute, but

she got angry when I laughed at her

English, so she stopped talking to me in

English because I kept laughing. She got

upset, and then I

had to learn a bit of Chinese to talk to

her family, which I completely forgot

everything I learned. Her mum was nice,

she would make sure I was well fed. Her

dad was a bit scary, he would just sit

there. He ran this motorbike shop,

motorbike repair shop, and the living room

was in the shop, and he would just sit

there all day. There were hardly any

customers, he would just sit there

watching TV, and he never said a single

word. He was pretty intimidating. I was a

bit scared of him, to be honest.

And I started making these very, very long

videos where I'd walk around at night. I

don't know if anyone even remembers this.

There must be at least one person who used

to watch me back then. I doubt it, but I

used to make these 40-minute-long videos

where I just walk up and down this park in

Taiwan in the middle of the night ranting

about how upset I was because this

Taiwanese girl wasn't falling in love with

me how I planned. Oh, it was just so

embarrassing now that I think about it.

So enough was enough. I started to get

more and more fed up, and I finally booked

a plane ticket back home to England, and I

said to her, I'm leaving. And she said

okay, and she

and her brother took me back to the

airport in her car— in his car. And I got

out of the car, took my bag, shut the

door, said goodbye, and they just drove

off. Just like that. Just like that, they

just drove off. I felt so insulted.

I felt like they were so unfriendly for

doing that. And then I went back to

England, and we still kept in contact,

kept in touch. And I was still obsessed

with her. Can you believe it? Yeah, I was

still completely obsessed

with her and in love with her. I don't

know if it's love. I don't really know

what love feels like, but I was so

obsessed with her to the point that I was

even willing to pay for her to come to

England because she was telling me,

talking to me about how she wanted to come

to England to study English. So I said,

why don't you come? Live with me.

I was still hanging on to the idea that if

we spent more time together, she might

change her mind and she might fall in love

with me. So I was even willing to,

to pay for her plane ticket to come to

England. So I got myself a job at the

petrol station nearby my house so I could

start saving up money to send to her. A

few months passed at the petrol station,

I finally snapped out of it and I

realized this is really stupid, and I

blocked her. And then I went back onto

Japan Cupid and I met the single mother

Japanese girlfriend, and I went and saw

her. Well, I'm not going to explain

everything that happened since then

because that'll just take all day.

Anyway, a year passed and I decided to

unblock the Taiwanese girl again, just out

of curiosity. And then we started chatting

again. She told me she moved to England.

Somehow she managed to save up enough

money. She moved to England, and

apparently she married some English guy.

Just like that. Just like that, she

married some English guy. And obviously

this hurt me because I had this massive

crush on her. I don't really want to know

if my crush found some great

guy. It's just like adding salt

to the wound. Okay, you rejected me and

now you're rubbing it in my face that you

found some new guy. So I didn't really say

much. I just said, oh great. And then I

blocked her again. And then a year later

I unblocked her. It was actually a few

months ago. I decided to unblock her And

she tells me that she has had a bloody

baby.

She had a baby with the guy she

married. And obviously I felt

pretty shocked. I don't know how to

describe the feeling. It was like this

emotional punch in the gut. I felt like my

stomach suddenly became very heavy and

weighed down.

And I don't know why I'm so upset about

it. It was, number one, so shocking and so

quick that she moves, gets married in the

first year, and then has a bloody baby in

the second year. How did she even get a

visa to live in England so easily? I have

no idea, because England's supposed to be

pretty strict. Unless her husband makes a

lot of money and can get her a visa

It kind of hurt, to be honest.

It hurts getting rejected,

and it hurts even more when the person who

rejected you then rubs it in your face

that she's had the baby of another man.

Oh, so I wasn't good enough for you, so

you came to rub it in my face that you had

someone's baby? Thank you very much.