I think I have a mental illness

Hey, so I've been coming out of a bit of a

dip recently. I don't know the proper

terminology for things usually, so I tend

to just make up words for myself. A dip is

when you're at this stable level when you

just feel normal, you don't feel really

sad, don't really feel very happy, and

then for some reason you just start

dipping down and you feel really sad and

depressed, but then after a few days you

start coming back up out of the dip, and

then you're back, back at normal level.

That's what a dip is. And I've been

looking into things, been doing a bit of

Googling, and I think I may have bipolar

disorder. And when I Googled bipolar

disorder symptoms, I actually match quite

a lot of the symptoms. I haven't been

officially diagnosed by a professional

doctor So I don't know for sure if I have

bipolar or not. Maybe if you know more

about bipolar, you can tell me if I

actually have it or not. I don't have the

extreme version of it. I've never felt

like committing the S-word. I've heard

that some people who have been officially

diagnosed with it, sometimes they feel so

down— well, they have these highs and they

have these really low downs where they

feel so bad that they just want to end it

and they commit the S-word, but I've never

felt that bad, so I don't think I've had—

I don't think I have full-blown bipolar.

So when it comes to my own situation,

I can simply describe it as sometimes I

feel okay, sometimes I feel pretty good,

pretty energetic, and I feel optimistic

about the future, and I have lots of ideas

and lots of things I want to do. And then

sometimes I just feel really down and

depressed And when I feel down and

depressed, I just don't feel like doing

anything at all. I feel like everything's

bleak. I feel like I have no future. I

don't see any light at the end of the

tunnel, and it's like there's this big

rain cloud on top of me and it's raining

down on me, and everything's bad and

everything's dark and bleak. And it's kind

of weird because nothing really causes it.

There's no There's no trigger. Nothing's

changed in my life. My life could be

going, you know, just as usual, just as

normal. Nothing's different. And then

boom, I drop down into the dip.

And I still have no idea what causes the

dip. It's just completely random. Maybe

it's based off of chemicals in my brain.

Maybe it's because of a certain type of

food I'm eating. Maybe I'm having too much

coffee. I've heard coffee can be a very

bad depressant. Now, if I had a normal

job, I don't think this would really be

much of a problem because even if I was

feeling down in the dip, I could still

just go to work and then, you know, carry

out my tasks. But since my work, if you

want to call it work, involves me talking

and being in front of a camera, I think

it's kind of obvious when I'm in the dip,

and I find it very hard to pretend or to

act as if everything's okay. And you might

have noticed this in some videos, I'm very

energetic and I'm speaking very quickly

and my enunciation is very good. And then

in other videos, I'm very low energy, I'm

talking slowly, I'm kind of mumbling,

slurring my words. That's probably because

I'm in the dip. Now you could say that I

shouldn't make any videos when I'm in the

dip, but then if I did that, half of the

videos on my channel wouldn't exist. I

can't just take a break every time I feel

a bit down. I have to keep pushing on,

doing stuff, even when I'm

in the dip. It's usually pretty bad when

I'm doing a livestream. Um, if I'm feeling

down and I do a livestream,

I might be more negative than usual.

Might be complaining more than usual, and

that kind of negatively affects the

channel because people don't really want

to hear that. They get irritated by it and

they, they dislike the video or they

unsubscribe, they stop watching. And

maybe, yeah, maybe I should stop live

streaming when I'm in the dip. I guess a

lot of people don't like complaining,

they find it irritating, but I personally,

I enjoy it. It makes me feel good inside.

I find it kind of therapeutic to go on a

livestream and then start complaining

about things that are bothering me. It

makes me feel better in a way. It's kind

of like therapy, but it's, it's not good

for the channel because it's just gonna

make people dislike me. It doesn't really

have anything to do with me being unhappy

with life. As I said before, absolutely

nothing can change in my life, and then I

still have these mood swings where I feel

really down. And then a few days later I

feel really good again. It's just totally

random. I don't know what causes it.

There must be something that causes it

because I, I don't believe things happen

randomly. I believe things happen for a

reason. I don't think having more money or

a bigger house or more views on YouTube is

really going to help. I'm still going to

find myself dropping into the dip now and

then, and I'm just wondering, isn't there

a way to prevent this from happening?

Isn't there a way to stop yourself falling

into the dip before it happens? Maybe

there's some kind of chemical substance

that would make falling into the dip

harder or making coming out of the dip

faster. I've tried many things, and I

think I've realized that a lot of things

don't work. Things like having cereal or

self-cereal, that doesn't usually make me

feel better. Playing video games can kind

of help. And when I'm out of the dip,

when I'm above normal level, I feel great.

I feel like I could achieve anything. I

feel as if the possibilities are endless.

I feel like the sky is the limit. And

sometimes I wonder to myself, is this what

normal people feel like all the time in

general? Maybe this is what it's like to

be happy. Well, anyway, I think that's all

I had to say. I'm feeling a bit better

now. I think in a few days I'll be back at

stable level and maybe, maybe higher than

stable level. So I'm looking forward to

that. But yeah, these past few days have

been pretty rough.

Hello and welcome back to another exciting

episode of Cooking with Daniel. Today I'm

going to be making something very simple

and there's only 2 ingredients. I don't

think I've ever done a cooking video with

only 2 ingredients Today we're going to be

making a jumbo-sized hot dog. So for

ingredients, we have one jumbo-sized hot

dog. I think it's called bologna. I'm not

sure, some kind of European sausage. And

we have a, um, we have a very big

loaf of bread which we will be toasting.

Okay, so first of all, we just open up the

And then we put it into the oven.

Okay, so the first problem is we don't

have enough room inside of the oven.

So if we just cut the bread into half, we

shouldn't have any problems.

It should fit in the oven now.

So that goes in the oven. Very nice.

And whilst the toast is toasting— whilst

the bread is toasting, we can start

cooking the sausage. Ouch,

just hit my head on this stupid thing.

Okay, so first, try not to hit your head

on the extractor fan. How do I open this

sausage? It says tear

here, tear here,

and then you just take it out, I guess.

Oh! And then get your fork. The important

thing about sausage cooking is you want to

make sure the heat gets into the middle of

the sausage so it cooks in the middle as

well. And the best way to do that is just

by making some pricks with a fork

so the heat gets all the way in.

Be careful not to prick your finger.

And then prick the other side as well,

and it also prevents any sausage juice

from exploding, gives it somewhere to leak

out from.

Okay, next step, turn on your frying pan.

And we want, want a medium heat because

if we have the heat too high, the outside

of the sausage is going to burn and the

inside is not going to cook. Okay, so it's

been cooking for a few minutes. Let's flip

it over to see what's happening.

Um, there's a bit of burning, but that's

okay. We can scrape that off.

It's a very thick sausage, so it's

going to take a while. For it to cook

completely. Another tip when it comes to

cooking sausages is you could use a knife

and then make little slices,

and that will have the same effect, or

maybe even a better effect, than pricking

it will have.

Okay, so the toast has toasted,

so we can start preparing the hot dog.

First of all, we have to cut the roll in

half like

so.

And then you want to get your sausage,

which should have cooled down by now.

And it's quite simple. First, we check to

see if the sausage has cooked. Looks— it

looks quite cooked. To me. And then we put

the sausage into the roll,

and that's it really. You can put ketchup

if you want to, you could put mustard,

it's completely up to you. And this will

feed one person, and then you have half

the sausage and the other half of the

bread roll for one more person.

Mm, very nice.

And that, my friends, is a jumble-sized—

jumbo-sized hot dog.