I feel like everything i do in life fails

Hey, so this is going to be a bit of a

depressing video because I'm feeling kind

of depressed, so prepare yourself to

listen to me whinge for a bit. I've been

feeling a bit depressed because of the

whole community strike thing,

having my livestreaming rights taken away

because I cut a sausage in half and I put

some ketchup on my hands. Apparently that

counts as violence and it's against

YouTube's terms and conditions. I appealed

the strike, but I don't know how long it's

going to take to get appealed, to get

restored, or to get the strike taken away.

I don't even know if they're going to take

it away. They might review it and then

still think it's too violent, cutting the

sausage in half. Also, I've had, I've had

so many videos hit by demonetization. The

last 4 or 5 videos that I've made have

been demonetized. Even the video talking

about Gimme a Break, Man, even the video

talking about getting banned from

livestreaming, livestreaming, they've been

demonetized even though I don't even talk

about anything in the video that's against

the rules. They got instantly demonetized

the, the instant that I pressed public and

then publish. It got demonetized with the

yellow, the yellow dollar sign. And I

don't know why this is happening. It's so

frustrating. I feel like my whole channel

has been blacklisted for advertising,

and they're just— it's like they're just

automatically demonetizing my videos no

matter what it's about. I could upload a

blank screen where I don't even say

anything and it could get demonetized.

Anyway, it's not all bad news because I

did do a request manual review on all

of those demonetized videos, and maybe 5

to 7 of them did get reset to green

monetizable, which is— which is

hope— which makes me feel hopeful a bit.

Starting to rain. It's been really rainy

these few days, and apparently there's

supposed to be a typhoon coming soon, so

Me and my partner, since you guys don't

like it when I call her my girlfriend, me

and my lady partner, we had to cancel our

trip to Hiroshima. I, I cancelled the

hotels that I booked because it's going to

be raining the whole time. Also, she's on

her period, so we decided to cancel it and

go next month when, when it's not, not a

typhoon. I know this is going to sound

overly negative, but sometimes I feel like

everything that I try to do ends up in

failure. I've tried

several things in the past. Let me give

you a few examples. I tried my

own online business on eBay. I tried

selling things. I ended up getting banned

because I got a bunch of negative reviews

because I couldn't deliver my, my products

to the customers in time, and they all

gave me negative feedback and I got

banned. I used to do stock photography

where you take photos of, of general

things and you upload them to these

websites called microstock websites, and

they pay you some money if people buy the

photos. And I was doing pretty well on

there for a bit, and I ended up getting

banned. Okay, I admit I got banned.

That was my fault because for some reason

I got lazy and I thought it would be a

good idea to take free stock images and I

tried to sell them as my own. Okay, that

was my fault, I admit that. I tried making

money using these, um, online survey

websites where you fill out surveys and

you watch videos to get points and then

you can exchange it for Amazon gift cards.

And I was doing pretty well on those sites

as well, and then I got banned because I

got greedy and I started to make multiple

accounts and they found out and they

banned all of them. And they blocked my IP

address from making new accounts, and I

just— I gave up doing that.

I tried going to Japan on the working

holiday visa, thinking that I could create

a new life for myself, but after 4 months

I ended up quitting my job and then

leaving. I tried out coding. I learnt

coding for a few months. I made my own

iPad games, iPhone games, And I even had

them on the Apple Store, and a few people

bought them. I made a few dollars, and

then I got bored and I gave up. I tried

making webcomics. I made several webcomics

and I uploaded them to this website, and I

didn't get banned. I ended up getting

bored, and then I stopped doing it. And

then I started uploading porn onto my

webcomic web pages to try and get more

views, and then I got banned. So it's like

I either get— I either get banned or I get

bored, and then because I get bored, I do

something stupid, and then I get banned.

And then we come to YouTube, my YouTube

channel that I've been building, working

on for over 2 years. I've been making

videos almost every day, grinding away,

trying to build it into something that,

that can make me a bit of money, that can

help me interact with people. It's my

hobby, and now even my YouTube channel is

in danger of being banned or failing,

and not because I've done something wrong,

but because people hate me and they want

to see my channel get deleted or

terminated. I had no idea when I made that

video 9 months ago that someone would

flag it and I would get a community strike

for violence just for cutting a sausage in

half. And putting some ketchup on my

hands, I get a freaking community strike

and I get livestreaming taken away. It's

just so unfair. When I made the video, I

didn't think it was violent. I didn't

think there was anything wrong with it.

You have channels like Filthy Frank and

all these other shock comedy channels

where they use fake blood, or they do like

fake decapitations, or they use CGI, or

they have guns and they shoot each other

and then blood comes out. How come all of

those channels are fine? All of those

videos are fine? But I make one video

where I cut a sausage in half and it gets

removed and I get a community strike.

How's that fair? It sometimes— it feels

like I'm being punished. My YouTube

channel, it's like my baby. I created it,

I put time and effort into it,

and I feel like it's slowly dying. I feel

like it— like the life's being squeezed

out of it as I hold it in my arms.

Because of all these haters and because of

YouTube's strict rules and because of

their stupid automated system that just

gives you strikes and demonetizes stuff

without even checking. Without even

checking before they do it. If they're

going to give you a community strike,

which is a pretty harsh punishment for a

YouTuber, they should at least check the

video before they do it, not just

automatically do it and then ask you to

appeal the decision. Because if the, the

decision doesn't get appealed, then I

don't have any live streaming ability

until January. It says you cannot live

stream until January. My only options are

stream on my second channel, which you

need 1,000 subscribers before you can get

Super Chats, or I can start a Twitch

channel, which a lot of people have been

asking, asking me to do anyway. And I

guess it's a good idea because I don't

really feel safe having all of my eggs in

one basket, having all of my eggs on

YouTube. It's— I guess it is a better idea

to diversify and, and split up and

move on to— what's the word— go on to

different websites like Twitch, other

video platforms. So if, if my channel does

get taken down, I don't lose everything.

I am really worried because I love making

videos and doing YouTube, not just because

I, I enjoy getting money. Obviously I like

getting money, but that isn't the whole

reason why I like doing YouTube. I'm a

very socially withdrawn person. I find it

very difficult to interact with people in

the real world, to form bonds with people

in the real world, to socialize in real

life. But thanks to YouTube, it's given me

this It's given me this way to interact

with people online and to kind of like

create a community of my own. And if

that got taken away from me, I would be

devastated. Sometimes it feels like every

time I start to get slightly successful at

doing something, something happens and it

gets taken away from me, either because

it's my own fault or I make a mistake or

because something happens that's out of my

control. And I'm getting a feeling, like a

bad feeling, that this is going to happen

to my YouTube channel. YouTube channel.

Recently my YouTube channel has been

growing a lot and I've been really happy

about that. But usually, in my experience,

when, when something's going well and when

something good happens, usually something

very bad happens soon after. So I get very

paranoid when things are going too well

for me. It's not just businesses and,

and other things like that that seem to

fail for me. It's also relationships.

Pretty much all of my past relationships

have been colossal failures.

I think this is the reason why I'm so

negative about everything, why I don't

have any enthusiasm or motivation to do

anything. It's because Even

if I'm enthusiastic or motivated to do

something, in my— if you look at my past

experiences, it ends up in failure. I get

banned, I get bored, and then I get

banned. This is why sometimes I feel like

it's better not to care about anything,

because the moment you start to care about

something, then, then you start getting

worried about losing it. You want to

protect it. If I didn't care about my

YouTube channel, then I wouldn't be

worried about it being deleted or

demonetized. But the thing is,

I do care about it, and I don't

want it to be taken away from me. So I

know this might start to get irritating,

but I'm going to start doing a little plug

at the end of every video, just trying to

promote my other channels and stuff like

that. Just so I can get as many people to

know where they can find me in case this

channel does get deleted. So the best

place would be Discord, and then I

really want to get a lot more people onto

my Twitch channel so I can start streaming

over there and I won't have to rely so

much on YouTube. Also, uh, stuff like

Twitter. I'll put all the links in the

description so it's easy to find. And

yeah, I really appreciate it if, if you

follow or subscribe or join me

on those places as well. So if the worst

does happen and this channel does get

taken down, then at least you know where

to find me and I can tell you where you

can go in case I make a new channel.

Anyway, I think that was all I wanted to

whinge about. Sorry for the super negative

video, but that's just how I'm feeling

right now. And maybe tomorrow I'll do a

livestream on Twitch. I got my new pocket

Wi-Fi today, high speed, 4G,

just in time to get banned on YouTube for

livestreaming. What are the chances? What

are the odds of getting banned and getting

my new Wi-Fi on the same day? Anyway,

tomorrow we might do a livestream on

Twitch. I'll announce it, I'll make a

video for this channel announcing when I

start the stream. So maybe

that will be fun, I don't know. The thing

is, if I don't livestream, then it was

kind of a waste of money renting that

pocket Wi-Fi. I'm so glad I only rented it

for a month instead of 2 months because

that would have been a waste of money, I

guess. So I

want to make use of it and I want to do

some livestreams.