Why my Childhood was difficult...

So this is quite a personal topic for me,

but I wanted to share today the

difficulties and problems I had as a child

during my childhood. Growing up in the

countryside of the UK when everyone around

you is basically white, I guess it was

predominantly white population in the area

I lived, and growing up as an Asian kid

wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do.

And sometimes I do feel like I didn't

really have a fair chance. I didn't really

have a fair start at life. I remember one

very scary experience when I I was playing

at the park by myself, and there was this

other kid that I remembered from school.

I knew him, but I didn't really know him.

I never really spoke to him before. He

started chasing me with a baseball bat,

and I was so scared. I ran all the way

home without looking back. I was just

minding my own business playing in the

park by myself, and I saw him walking over

to me, and he started shouting things

like, go back to China, or something like

that. And I just ran and I ran, and I

never looked back. I don't even know how

far he chased me or if he even chased me

much at all. After that happened, it

really traumatized me and never really

wanted to go outside of the house by

myself again. I just kind of hid in my

room playing video games and I shut myself

away. I was very timid and very scared to

go to school. I remember crying, begging

my mum not to leave me when she took me to

nursery school for the first time. I think

I was just like 6 or 7 years old. I still

remember clinging onto her legs as she was

trying to leave and I begged her and I was

crying. She eventually agreed to stay at

the school so she could watch over me. I

found it very difficult to make friends at

school at first. I would never go up to

people and introduce myself. I would just

kind of wait for people to come over to

me. And I thought if they wanted to be

friends, then they would come over to me

and ask me to be their friend. So that's

basically how I made all of the friends I

had during my time at school. I only had

about 2 or 3 friends. I remember birthday

parties were very scary as well.

Sometimes my friends would invite me over

to their birthday party and I went. I

remember one time I went to one friend's

birthday party. His name was Philip. He

was having like a fancy dress costume

party where you go and dress up. And it

was being held in some kind of event town

village hall. And there were about 20 or

30 people there. I remember my dad took

me, we picked out a present, wrapped it,

and I was kind of excited to go. And then

we arrived at the event hall place,

opened the door, and then I remember just

seeing so many people and music playing

and everyone was dressed up and I was just

wearing my t-shirt and my trousers. And I

felt terrified when we opened that door.

I really just wanted to leave straight

away. So I asked my dad if we could just

go home and he was kind of surprised.

Because he thought that I was really

looking forward to seeing my friends and

come to this birthday party. And instead,

I just basically begged him to take me

home. And then he said, okay, we got back

in the car, we got back home, and I just

shut myself in my bedroom because I felt,

I felt really humiliated and I felt really

disappointed in myself. I also had this

phase during primary school where I was

kind of a problematic kid. I think because

I watched too much of The Simpsons and I

was kind of really influenced by Bart

Simpson being a mischievous kid. I was

really influenced by Homer Simpson Simpson

being like this lazy idiot. And I thought

it was really funny to be like a

mischievous kid getting into trouble. And

I would do things to try and get attention

at school. Like during class, I would yell

out boring, and then the teacher would get

angry at me and send me to detention. Or I

would— during assembly, we had to sing

these religious hymns, and I used to think

it was so funny to change the lyrics of

the song to really dumb stuff. And The

teacher heard me singing these stupid

lyrics and made me write out the lyrics

for the song like 200 times. I felt cool

for getting in trouble, like Bart Simpson

would get in trouble and have to write out

lines. But one of the worst memories that

I have from when I was a kid was when I

asked my dad to buy me Command Conquer:

Red Alert, the video game, and he got me

Command Conquer: Tiberian Sun instead.

And if you don't know, Tiberian Sun is

probably one of the worst Command and

Conquer entries in the franchise. Red

Alert 2 was really cool. It had like the

cool music and the Tesla coils and the

mammoth tanks. But Tiberian Sun had none

of those. Tiberian Sun was just kind of

weird because it was in the Command and

Conquer universe, but it didn't really

look or feel like a Command and Conquer

game. It had like this weird sci-fi

futuristic setting and all of the units

and troops just kind of sucked compared to

Red Alert 2. Red Alert 2 had like this

cool Cold War era, big tanks. I already

feel like Westwood Studios dropped the

ball on Tiberian Sun. They should have

just made Red Alert 3 and kept the same

units from Red Alert 2 but improved the

graphics. I was so disappointed when I

opened the box and it said Tiberian Sun

because all my friends had Red Alert 2 and

my dad couldn't even get the right Command

Conquer game. And then I remember as a kid

I really wanted the PlayStation 1 but my

mum got me a Sega Mega Drive instead, and

all the kids at school laughed at me

because they were playing these new games

with these great 3D graphics, and I was

stuck with this 16-bit console, the Sega

Mega Drive, or I think it's called the

Sega Genesis in America, but in the UK we

called it the Mega Drive. And all I was

stuck with was stupid 2D-looking games

like Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and Cool Spots

and Earthworm Jim. Didn't even have 3D

graphics, and it was like 16-bit pixelated

nonsense rubbish. I remember all the kids

making fun of me at school. They would say

stuff like, oh hey Daniel, have you tried

the new Metal Gear Solid game? Oh wait,

you don't even have a PlayStation, you

just have Mega Drive, haha. So yeah, that

really messed me up for years, and I felt

very insecure about the kind of tech and

the kind of gaming consoles I owned. I

felt very embarrassed that I didn't have

access to the latest and the greatest in

gaming hardware. But eventually, later

down the line, I did eventually get myself

a PlayStation 2 and then an But I was only

allowed 2 video games every year, one for

Christmas and then one for my birthday.

So all the new games coming out each year,

I was only able to choose 2 of them, one

for my birthday, one for my Christmas

present. And because they were so

expensive at the time, they were only like

£30 or £40 for a brand new video game.

But as a kid, obviously I didn't have any

money, and £30 was a lot of money. I

didn't know how to get £30 or £40 without

stealing it. So in order to try and make

some money to buy new games, I had to come

up with little tricks to try and get

money. And one trick I had was I would

sell a Pokémon card to my friend's younger

sister. And I think the younger sister was

only like 6 or 7 years old. And I remember

I sold her this Pikachu card, just a very

basic Pikachu card, a Pokémon card, for

about £20. She had £20, she got it for her

day from a relative, and she agreed

because she's stupid. And I sold her the

Pokémon card, she gave me the £20, and

then later her stupid mum told me off.

She yelled at me from the window, said,

Daniel, give back my daughter her £20!

Then she gave me this big lecture about

how it was wrong of me to take advantage

of her daughter because her daughter

didn't understand the value of money. And

I really wanted to say, I was thinking,

If your daughter doesn't understand the

value of money because she's too young,

then why the hell did you let her keep a

£20 note? It's not really my fault that I

took advantage of an opportunity to make

some money. I think it's your fault that

you're a bad parent and you just let your

6-year-old daughter run around with a £20

note in her pocket when, according to you,

she's too young to understand the value of

money. Look, I got this special food for

my fish. It's called Optimum Betta.

Highly nutritious food for all betta fish.

Promotes growth, enhances color by

spirulina, rich in vitamin C and E,

complete nutrition and non-water fouling.

Hello, Mr. Fishy, do you want some food?

Oh look, he wants food, he's going over to

it. How does he know that it's food?

Look, he said he's hungry. I'm hungry.

Look, he's following my fingers. He can

see the food. Haha. Okay, I'll give you

some. Has he seen them? Oh, there he goes.

Yum yum yum yum yum yum. He likes it.

I don't know if I'm giving him too much

food. Yeah,

maybe that's enough.

I think he likes it.

Wow, wow, he's really eating them up.