20200531 Ok Guys We Need To Do Some Serious Brainstorming Z7okplfdsdi

So many things to think about. I'm

supposed to be going tomorrow. Should I

just go anyway? No, that's weird.

Imagine if I just turned up but I didn't

message her. I just started living in

Amsterdam. That'd be so creepy, wouldn't

it? Maybe I shouldn't do that.

If you already paid, might as well go.

Well, if I go, then I have to pay for the

taxi and the Airbnb. Thank God I didn't

pay for the other stuff.

So not going, I save money. If I carry on

planning to go, then it'll just cost me

more. So might as well cut my losses right

Okay, so the main thing I want to discuss

is what went

wrong and

what to change.

And then what

I want.

So those are the main 3 things we have to

solve today.

You promised the Sweden trip, didn't go.

Now you promised Netherlands trip and

aren't going. It's not my fault.

It's all Mila's fault, isn't it? I didn't

go to Sweden because of Mila, and I didn't

go to the Netherlands either because of

Mila. Technically, none of it's my fault,

so don't blame me. Uh, I do

sound like I blame everyone else all the

No, no, my last video is all wrong. You

know, in the last video I put a lot of

emphasis on people harassing her and

negative YouTube attention. That isn't

really the main problem. There were loads

of other problems that I didn't really

address because— because I

don't know why, there's just too many.

It's too complicated for a 10-minute

video. We need a 7-hour livestream to

tackle this problem.

Uh, okay, so what went wrong?

What did go wrong? What changes do I need

to make? I said I was going to change and

make changes,

but really I don't think me not being buff

was the problem. I don't think,

uh, the, the weird screenshots on Discord

was really a big problem either.

Look, so basically I have like a list

of things that— maybe I should write the

list down. List of things I would like in

a girlfriend would

be— should

I write them down? Take ages. So I would

like her to be adventurous.

I can't spell.

Adventurous. Adventurous, but not too

adventurous. So I don't want someone who's

just lazy and wants to stay at home all

the time because that's not really what I

want either. The main reason

I left the marriage was because I

felt bored and there was no adventure and

every day was just the same. And I didn't

really feel excited about anything, and I

wanted more adventure and to travel and do

different things. So someone who also

wants that would be good.

Uh, also I would like it to be sexual,

a sexual person. That'd be

nice because I'm also a sexual person.

And she has to be playful,

playful and kind of immature.

I don't really want like a really serious

person who wears a suit and then just does

work all the time. That's kind of boring.

Take off the glasses this one moment. I'm

curious. Okay.

It's so annoying because I found someone

who, who matches all of these things that

I want, and she was almost

perfect for me, but I guess I wasn't

perfect for her. So I need to find out why

and then change those things. Maybe.

Can you explain what you're trying to do

so we can help? What am I trying to do?

Trying to find a partner, basically.

She's not your perfect match if she didn't

like you back.

She was perfect apart from the fact that

she didn't like me back, but everything

else I thought was pretty good. Okay, I'm

not gonna say she was perfect 100% because

there were lots of things that maybe I

didn't like about her, but I didn't feel

like they were that important.

Cancel everything. So for me personally,

I thought she was pretty good.

So what else do I want? Playful,

immature. She also has to be physically,

physically active,

so she has to have a functioning body,

no disabilities.

That kind of sounds bad, doesn't it?

So I feel— I don't know, if she's in a

wheelchair, then we won't be able to do a

lot of the things I would like to do.

So I can't see it working unless she

has a fully functioning body.

Because I want to do stuff.

So yeah, physically active is important.

Oh, thank you, Harry. Plan on going back

to Japan when lockdowns lift? Yeah,

that's what I want to get on to next. So

there's 2 options I have really,

and it's either go back to Japan And

build a life, or build a life in England,

and I'm not sure which one to go with.

I'm leaning towards Japan because I think

Japan's more interesting of a place to be

in to build a life. But then in England

I could do different things like learning

to drive, but I don't even know if that's

really important.

And I would like to be in Asia instead of

England. Why don't you spend all the

time and energy trying to find a partner

on yourself? But I thought we could do

this together, like a group activity.

I thought you were tired of Japan. I

wasn't necessarily tired of Japan. I was

tired of married life in Japan.

I feel like there could be more

opportunities in Japan.

Uh, what else really does she need to

have? Adventurous. She needs to be sexual.

Uh, playful, immature, physically active.

Um, I was gonna add— oh, thank you,

Savage. Why did you wear your sister's

dirty knickers? I didn't. Some guy from

OnlyFans sent me a bunch of thongs he

wanted me to wear, so I took a few photos.

It's not my sister's. It's a

man thong. I think it's called a

jockstrap.

I was gonna— I was going to add she has to

be okay with being on my videos, but I

don't think that that's a deal breaker. I

would like to make videos of the places we

go to, but she doesn't have to be in them.

She could be standing behind me whilst I

do it. It's not really a deal-breaker.

She doesn't have to want to be in them,

so that's okay.

All the things you listed sound like Mira.

Yeah, I know, this is just gonna be what

Mira is because I really liked Mira and I

thought she was pretty good.

So basically I want another Mira, really.

But this, this new version of Mina needs

to like me back, so I don't

know. How do I get the same Mina but this

time like me back?

Why does she not like me though?

The problem is a lot of the things that

went wrong I can't change because

it's happened already, like calling her

annoying on livestream. There's not much I

can do about that apart from just say I

promise not to do it again. So I

will promise not to do it again.

But can I actually not do it again?

I will try.

How about this? If I do do it again,

everyone unsubscribe as punishment for me.

I don't know, what can I do about that?

I've already done it now, it's over. I

can't take it back.

The thing is, I don't want to meet a girl

who is so work-oriented

she can't do anything else but work.

And I don't want to meet a girl who's so

serious that she's no fun to be around.

Oh yeah, this is one.

Emotionally— what's the word?

Not too thin-skinned. So maybe

thick-skinned.

Thick-skinned. Because I can be kind

of insensitive sometimes. And a bit

abrasive, and I don't want to worry about

making her cry all the time.

So it'd be nice if she didn't take offense

so easily.

You're now describing Chihiro. Yeah, I

know I complained a lot about Chihiro,

but I have to say, personality-wise,

Chihiro was perfect.

Chihiro had pretty much— well, I don't

know about perfect because I wouldn't

describe her as being playful and

immature. She was,

I guess, normal, a normal person,

but she wasn't too serious. It's not

really a deal-breaker if you're not— I

don't know, I guess there's different

levels. I think a balance would be good.

I don't want like a super really babyish

childish person.

So I don't know, I think I'll get rid of

immature. I don't want immature actually.

I want playful. It would delete immature.

She has to have some maturity.

Would I consider getting back with

Chihiro? I don't think so. I would like a

combination of Chihiro and Mila, ideally.

I like Chihiro's personality because she

let me vlog everything and she didn't mind

being on the camera and she didn't really

get upset about negative comments towards

her. Also, she has to accept the

fact that I sell my nudes, really,

because even if I stop OnlyFans now, my

nudes are already out there, so there's no

taking it back. So if you can't accept the

fact that I sell my dick pic, then I

don't think it's gonna work.

I really can't hide that, can I? I can't

hide the facts that I do OnlyFans.

Can I?

Maybe I could hide it.

What if I just hid everything, including

the YouTube channel? Well, if you watch my

channel, then you would already know, so

there's no point trying to hide it, is

there?

What else?

Yeah, this list is a waste of time. Let's

just say. I want another mirror, please.

Another mirror.

Okay.

So what can I change about myself?

Let's say I could go back in time before I

met her. What could I have done

differently for this outcome

not to have happened?

Not call her annoying. Yeah, that's a good

one. Not call

her annoying.

Okay.

Um.

Is that it? What else? There must have

been bigger problems. So yes, she also

mentioned my past. My cheating history was

bad, and that's what one of the reasons

she was. Put off, not cheat.

But I can't really do much about that

because I can't go back in time and not do

it. And I can

say I promise not to cheat, but I can't

really prove it, can I? You have to take

my word. I don't think

I would cheat if I was in a happy

relationship that I felt feelings for.

If I felt feelings for her, then I don't

think I would cheat.

So I have to go back in time and

not cheat. Okay, where do I get time

machine?

Okay, so if in a year's time I have not

cheated, then I think you can say that

I've kept my word. But what if I just

didn't tell you? No, I'm not interested in

cheating. I think I've matured as

a person to not cheat anymore.

I haven't even cheated this year. The last

time I cheated was last year.

Uh, depends what you consider as cheating

though.

I technically— I didn't cheat. Since last

September.

That was the last time I cheated, so give

me a break. It's not like I'm— well,

maybe I'm— no, maybe I was a bit of a

compulsive cheater, but I promise I won't.

Cheat anymore.

No Discord? Yeah, I don't do Discord

anymore, so it's not really a problem.

Oh, thank you, Anthony.

Who's Oh No Osho?

I don't know who that is.

No, I'm not doing Discord anymore. It

ruined my marriage, now it ruined this one

All those screenshots make me look bad.

I'm not— yeah, this is a big thing I want

to work on, um, not saying

things Not

saying things that

make me look

bad.

Yeah, so I'm not gonna do edgy jokes

anymore because they just get taken out of

context. I'm not

talking about race anymore or black women,

and I'm not gonna make any jokes about

sensitive things. So yeah,

I'm gonna be careful from now on because

there's a lot of screenshots plastered all

over the place where I've said weird

things. But in a year's time, you know, I

can say, well, that was a year ago. Since

then I haven't said anything. And I regret

saying those things, so maybe people will

give me a break as time passes. So I'm not

gonna say any more weird stuff that can

get screenshot. What would

I do with the Meet Me donations? Well, I

wasted $200 of it on the plane ticket,

so it's about $800 left. I don't know,

I'll put it towards my next trip, won't I?

You failed to gain Midas' trust because of

your past behavior. Yeah, you are 100%

true. Correct. Because of my

bad past made her too

unsure about me. And I think the main

thing about my bad past is the cheating.

Apart from the cheating,

I don't think there's much else about my

past that was bad. But what can I do about

it? Yeah, I cheated. I shouldn't have.

It's bad. What can I do? I can't go back

in time and undo it. All I can say is

moving forwards, I, I won't do it.

But how do I prove that I'm not going to

But I think it's unfair to judge someone

based off of their past actions. People

can change and people make mistakes. They

do stuff in the past that they wish they

didn't, and then maybe they won't do it

So because I cheated a few times in the

past, you think that,

that I have to stay alone for the rest of

my life because I made a few mistakes?

That's not fair.

It doesn't mean I'm definitely gonna cheat

again. And then just because you haven't

cheated before doesn't mean you're not

able to cheat. Someone who has no cheating

history could still cheat. Before I

cheated ever, I didn't cheat. I didn't

cheat until I cheated.

Try not to cheat and improve yourself.

Okay, I will.

You can't blame people for looking at

evidence and drawing conclusions to

protect themselves. Yeah, I know, but what

can I do? Are you saying it's unfixable?

Are you saying my bad past is completely

unfixable? And it's impossible for me to

make improvements and change. Because if

you're saying that, then I might as well

just give up. Stop making reaction vids to

KC and Year Ex Wife. What? I didn't make

any reaction videos to them.

Maybe I can take some kind of cheating

course.

It's not unfixable, just that you might

have to be humble and apologize. Yeah, I

might make a video apologizing to Chihiro

about cheating, but how can I make it good

so it doesn't seem like I'm just saying

it?

What else was the problem?

Yeah, she said— she said

we have different interests. She said I'm

I prefer comfort and then she prefers

adventure, which I don't think is true

because I left the marriage because it was

too comfy and there was no adventure. I

want adventure, but I also want comfort.

I want a balance, basically. I don't want

too much adventure, you know, I don't want

to go camping in Antarctica and then get

eaten by a polar bear. I don't want to go

to North Korea and then hitchhike across

Russia, so I'm not that adventurous. But

then at the same time, I don't want to

spend every single day at home lying in

bed, so I'm not that lazy.

I want balance.

So I feel like it was kind of unfair when

she said that I prefer comfort

and she prefers adventure. I also like

adventure. Just not too much adventure

and not really dangerous stuff.

I don't want to row a boat across

the Atlantic Ocean, for example,

and I

don't want to go skydiving. You know,

there's certain things that's too

adventurous for me.

It's tricky because I am kind of A

homebody. I like being at home, but not

all the time. I also like to go places and

go traveling and

see new things and do new stuff. It just

depends what it is, really. I don't want

to do everything. There's some stuff I

don't really want to do, like I don't want

to take drugs, I don't want to get a

tattoo. I don't want to join

a motorbike gang.

It's okay, there's things I don't want to

Oh, thank you, Johnny T. I'll be your

sugar daddy. He'll be your sugar daddy

on Animal Crossing, Danny. I don't

have Animal Crossing. What do I want to

do? Ouch. I want to travel

and go to nice places and

have new experiences.

And I don't know, as long as

it's— as long as it's not dangerous and I

don't feel like I could lose my life doing

it. Then I'd be open-minded to it.

For example, I was quite looking forward

to our plans of going camping in Sweden.

I thought that sounded fun.

It's not like I don't want to do anything.

It's not like I just want to sit at home

playing Rainbow Six all day. I want to do

stuff as well. So I feel a bit upset that

I got rejected. One of the reasons was

because I'm not adventurous enough.

You should write down what you have to

offer after you— after writing what you

want in a woman. Okay, that's a good idea.

So these were the things that I want,

and those are the things I shouldn't do.

So we've covered that. Now, what do I have

to offer?

What, what are examples of things a man

should be able to offer? Help me out here

because I'm not sure. I thought it was

money, but I don't think it is because I

don't think women want to have everything

paid for them because it makes them feel

like a prostitute. I offered to pay for

stuff for Mira and that didn't seem to

make a difference. I said, I'd be— I said,

let's go to Sweden. She said, yeah, I'd

like to, but I don't have any money right

now. I said, I'd be happy to pay for it.

So I don't think that really makes a huge

difference.

Loyalty, honesty, intelligence, patience,

humor.

Well, I guess I don't have any of those,

do I? Because I don't have loyalty because

I cheated in the past. I'm not honest

because I wasn't honest with my feelings

to her directly. I'm not really

intelligent because I I don't know.

I sell my nudes on the internet for a

living. I'm not really patient. I don't

know about humor. I guess some people

think I'm funny,

but most people seem to find me annoying.

They want stability, commitment,

fidelity. Not sure what fidelity means.

I don't think she wanted stability though.

She also wanted to travel, so me having a

flat in London, I don't think that would

have solved the problem. And I want to

travel as well, so having my own place is

not really gonna help because I won't be

Oh, thank you, Samaya241.

Focus on yourself, forget about

relationships. Yeah, but I've got so

much time right now to think, and I want

to think about what I could do to improve

for next time. Because if I find another

Mila and I get rejected again for the same

reasons, then really I'm gonna be not

really happy about that.

You're pretty cute. That's something.

Oh, thank you, Leth.

Just focus on yourself and forget about a

relationship until you're morally ready.

Morally ready? I think I do feel like I am

I thought I was ready.

I, I felt quite happy with myself actually

before meeting Mila. I thought I felt

pretty content with who I was, and I

thought that was good enough. But

obviously the current version of myself

was not good enough, so we need to

make some Improvements, guys. Give me some

hints, please. Mida wasn't ready yet.

Exactly. You are spot on.

She said she wasn't ready for a

relationship right now, so it's not all my

But maybe if I was a more— a stronger

pillar that she could have leaned on,

maybe her not being ready wouldn't have

mattered, but she obviously thought I

wasn't a stable pillar to lean on. So how

do I become a stable pillar?

Daniel, you should put average women on a

pedestal. Call her a queen and don't

forgot to donate to her Twitch stream.

Call her, don't forget to donate.

What? Not sure what you mean. You should

put average women on a pedestal. But I

thought people say don't put women on a

pedestal.

Become a stable pillar by having an actual

job. No, don't. Don't talk to me about

jobs because I feel pretty secure with my

income. My current jobs and my

side hustles, so I don't really feel like

having a job is gonna make a huge

difference.

Let's say, for example, I was a graphic

Would it really have made a difference?

Well, if I was a graphic designer instead

of a YouTuber, all of this stuff about me

cheating and everything else wouldn't

be out there. I don't know how much of a

big factor that was when she was deciding.

Maybe it was a big factor, but it's too

late now. I can't get rid of it.

Even if I quit my channel, even if I

delete my channel now, it's still all out

there. All you have to do is Google my

name and it all pops up. So yeah, in an

ideal world, I would be a graphic designer

without any bad reputation, but it's too

late now, is it? Isn't it? So I know it

would have been best if certain things

weren't out there, but it's too late. I

can't take it back.

And Chihiro married me when I was making

$200 a month, so I don't know how

important it is to all women. Maybe it's

important to some women, but I wouldn't

say it's important to all women.

Ideally, I want to shift into artwork and

make art— art videos telling stories.

That's kind of like a longer-term goal I

would like to have, and I am working on

it. I am making art, and I am going

to gradually increase illustrated

And shift away from making toxic stuff. I

really don't want to make toxic stuff

anymore, like why I hate blah blah blah,

or why I love cheating, or why it

felt good screwing some girl on the floor.

I don't want to make stuff like that

anymore, so I will cut

back on that kind of content because I

don't think it's gonna help. With my image

problem. So yeah, maybe I would like to

work on my image.

If you don't make toxic stuff, we are

leaving. Well, that's your choice, I

guess. But if you're saying that if I

carry on making toxic stuff, I'm gonna

lose the next Amira again, then I'm

gonna say, well, it was nice knowing you,

goodbye. Just date

your thirsty fans, girls, cause they

already know about your past and they're

obsessed with you enough money on your

OnlyFans. Yeah,

but I don't know how many of them want to

date. Maybe some of them just want to have

a shag. But that's not really what I'm

looking for. I'm looking for a stable

relationship with someone I like, and I

want to form a strong connection.

I don't really want to just have one-night

stands anymore. I think I've grown up out

of that.

It just doesn't bring me happiness.

I want something more substantial.

So what do I offer as a man?

I don't know.

I can't drive.

I can't physically protect her from anyone

because I look like a twig.

Is it really important that I'm able to

beat people up? I don't know,

we've got girls here in the chat, don't

we? What do you want from a man?

You say stability, but I think I could

provide stability. I make enough

money to be able to get our own place,

and if it comes to it, I'd be happy to get

a job working in Tesco's.

To get some extra income.

So women want loyalty.

Loyalty. Sugar baby or Russian male bride?

What's a sugar baby? Is it someone who

just wants to be with me because I pay

everything? I don't know if I want that

kind of girl. I want her to be with me

because she likes me, not because I buy

her stuff. So they want loyalty,

honesty. Isn't it weird? This— when you

ask this question, women say stuff like

they want loyalty, honesty, and then men

say stuff like you need to be able to

drive a car and you need to be strong and

big and you need to have A stable

environment. Why do men and women say

different things?

Stability, no drama, equal payment for

things, loyalty, fun dates, gaming

together. Yeah, I think stability. But

what does stability really mean?

How do I offer these things?

Stability means money, but I've got money.

I make— well, I don't make loads of money,

but I make enough money.

If you were a woman, what would I want out

of a man? Okay, let me imagine being a

woman. I want him to be

nice. I'm not even nice, am I?

Fuck. I called her annoying and

I got grumpy and moody.

I want him to be nice and positive.

Fuck, I'm not even positive, am I?

Oh, I'm, I'm not even the things

I would want from a man if I was a woman.

I was just wanting him to be nice and

positive and make me feel good when I'm

with him, and he

inspires me, makes me think I could do

anything in the world. I don't want him to

be like No, I don't think you should do

that. I don't think you can do that. Why

would you want to do that? Why do you

think that? I don't want to be with

someone who's like that.

So I need to work on being nice.

I think I am nice sometimes.

Be more in shape. Well, I'm already doing

that. I got protein bars.

I got some high protein bars

and I got my dad's dumbbells out the

cupboard. And I also ordered an exercise

bike, cost £200, so that's coming next

week. I'm gonna make like a little gym in

my room.

And my arm really hurts because I think I

overdid it 2 days ago. I can't even

stretch out my arm straight. It's so

painful. I hope I haven't broken it.

Look at my muscle.

And I felt really hungry today. I had

breakfast, I had eggs on toast. I never

have breakfast,

so I do feel like the exercise is working.

I feel way more hungry than I usually do,

which is good. So I ordered an exercise

bike, and what

else should I get?

Girls care about confidence. Yeah, this is

a big problem I have, and one of the

things she said was I'm too timid.

And it's true, I am timid. This is not

good. It's actually one of my biggest

problems, my timidity.

Although when I was with her, I did feel

different. Remember when we first met,

the video I made, we went to the

trampoline park? Didn't you see me talk to

the black man? I felt so proud of myself.

I asked him a question. I would never do

that before. If me and Chihiro went

anywhere, I would just stand there in

silence like— I

talked to him, didn't I? I watched it back

and I thought, wow, was that me? I sound

like a normal person. So yeah, I think I

am timid, but I think I can actually

if it's the right circumstances. I feel

like I could potentially become less

timid. Girls say they want honesty and

loyalty, but if a homeless guy asked her

for a date, she would reject him

instantly. Yeah, I do think

that— I think the reason you get girls is

because you're generally good looking and

are not overly nice and sometimes bit

mean. The top things girls like, if they

admit it or not. Oh, thank you,

David.

Um, because I'm good looking.

Well, obviously that wasn't enough to keep

Mina, so I don't think it's enough really.

Maybe my body could have been better

looking. I don't know, even if I was

ripped, do you think she would have left

me? I think that wasn't really the

I have watched videos, these red pill

videos where they talk about women not

knowing what they want. And I don't know

how true that is. They say they want

things like they want the guy to be nice

and gentle and sweet, but really, don't

they want the man to grab her by the arm

and say, we're doing this, let's do this,

we're going there, follow me, I'm the

leader? I think A lot of women like

that, and I don't think I can do that.

Daniel, I noticed a spark. What spark?

Thank you very much.

Um, yeah, so my timidness and

unwillingness to lead is a big problem. I

really need to become more of a leader.

If I was more assertive and confident,

I would have just gone, gone to Amsterdam

weeks ago without even telling her. I'm

just gonna say, okay, I'm gonna go, don't

care what you think. I don't know, maybe

if I did that, things wouldn't have turned

out this way. But I was too timid and I

kept putting it off and I kept checking

with her. I kept going, are you sure? Is

it okay? Are you sure we want to meet?

I don't know. I was trying to be

respectful to what she wanted and making

sure it's what she wanted without pushing

it on her. I thought that's

what you're supposed to be like.

They want you to do what they want and

know ahead of the time what they want you

to do. What? They want you to do what

they want?

I'm confused. I thought they want me

to decide what we're doing.

I would be weirded out if someone came to

see me against my will. Wouldn't you think

it's romantic? I got a lot of mixed

messages from people. Some people said

respect her wishes, and some people said

just go and turn up and it'll be romantic.

I don't think she would like that. She

made it very, very clear she didn't want

me to come. I think it's kind of weird.

To be honest.

Violates my boundaries. Yeah, that's what

I thought. I think it would definitely be

crossing a line if I just showed up and

expected her to come and see me. Nah, I

don't think— I don't think that's a good

One problem I have is entering buildings

first. I feel very afraid of finding

like a restaurant or some kind of place

to, to do stuff in and then opening the

door and going in. Usually I want the girl

to go in first and open the door, and then

I follow in behind. That's what I did

every time with Chihiro, and it's kind of

lame, isn't it? It's like I'm scared to go

in first because I am.

But in my defense, I did actually go in

first in the Korean restaurant we went to

in London, so I think I am capable of

changing that.

But still, I need to become more confident

with that. That's why I felt safe with

my wife, because,

because she just handled everything

speaking Japanese. It made more sense for

her to speak to the staff because they

speak Japanese to each other, and my

Japanese is not perfect, and it would be

just a bigger struggle.

You could just open the door for her.

Hmm, maybe.

I don't really take the initiative. I'll

just stand there waiting for the other

person to do it. Yeah,

that's not good.

I don't know why I just have this fear of

going into a place. You open the door and

everyone looks at you, and I'm like,

they're all looking at me, and it makes me

kind of freeze up. Something I

used to feel kind of insecure about when I

was living in a guest house. You go into

the living room, you open the door,

everyone looks up at you. And I feel like

I could feel their gaze on me. It was— I

didn't like it. I would just

sneak into rooms. I would open the door

really quietly and just sneak in like

Solid Snake. I'm not like,

whoosh, open the door, I'm here. I don't

like making my presence known. I just kind

of sneak in, slide in like a snake.

Daniel, women date you 'cause you're

slightly more good-looking than average

and they feel bad for you, like how they

feel bad for a wounded bird, and they

won't be that girl that changes you.

Daniel, women date you 'cause you're

slightly more good-looking than average

and they feel bad for you. Like how they

feel bad for a wounded bird and they want

to be the girl that changes you. Yeah,

well, obviously Mira didn't want to be the

one to change me, did she? The problem is

there were too many things to change and

she didn't feel like I could change, and

then she left. So in this case, being the

wounded bird Messed it all up.

So I need to be less of a wounded bird.

You're too needy around women.

Yeah, I am.

It's like when I was with the French

girlfriend, I used to get upset because

she wouldn't sit with me and

she would spend all her time with her

friends. Oh, I feel so embarrassed to

admit this because one time we went to

karaoke with all of the people at the

guest house, like about 10 people, big

karaoke room, and she wouldn't sit near

me, and it really upset me. And I got

so upset that I actually lost my temper,

and I said, sit. I told her to sit next to

me. This was 10 years ago, so don't give

me too much shit for it, but oh my God,

I can't believe I did that.

I told her to sit next to me. It's so

Lame, isn't it?

I felt like I was treating her like a dog.

Like, sit here. I shouldn't have done

that.

You don't want a woman, you want something

to fix your life. No, no,

I want someone to share my life with.

There's certain experiences that I want to

have that I can't really have by myself.

It's not the same.

It's like I could go camping in the woods

all by myself, but wouldn't it be better

If I camped with a girl,

it would just be so much better.

I could go and sit on the beach in

Thailand and sip on a Coca-Cola by myself.

Yeah, I could. And it would be nice,

but it would be 100 times nicer if it was

with a girl.

You went camping with Chihiro? Yeah, and

it was nice, and it would have sucked if I

went alone. I'd just be sitting in the

tent by myself wanking.

It's just frustrating because I feel like

I have, I have the energy and I have the

time and I have the money to do all these

things I want to do, but I'm just missing

one piece of the puzzle. It's like

I've got the whole car ready to go, but I

can't find the fucking key to start the

Or I find the key, but it doesn't fit.

My analogies are so good. I should write

Oh, thank you, David.

Human nature to want what you don't have.

You want Mira because you don't— you can't

have her. If she was your girl, you would

be bored after a couple weeks. Well, I

don't know. I guess there could be truth

in that. I mean, I was getting pretty

bored when she was here, wasn't I? And I

was getting a bit annoyed. And at the

time, I felt like I had her, so I didn't

feel like there was anything to lose. I

guess I was overconfident with how much

she liked me. I thought I definitely had

it in the bag. Human nature to want what

you don't have. You want Mila because you

can't have her. If she was your girl, you

would be bored after a couple weeks.

Hmm, it's hard to know because now I'll

never know, I guess. If you were actually

content with your life, you wouldn't need

someone else to make you happy.

If you were content with your life, you

wouldn't— you

wouldn't need someone else to make you

That's a tricky one.

You wouldn't need— if you were content

with your life, you wouldn't need someone

else to make you happy. But what is

wrong with wanting someone else to

make you happy? Maybe it's not happy,

it's happier. I would be happier

with someone else.

Are you saying I should be content with my

life alone?

But I don't, I don't think human beings

can be content with their life if they're

We need human contact

with other people.

Well, most people do.

I think you do need social interaction.

To be happy. How can you be happy if

you're just all alone all the time?

Human contact with friends, but it's not

the same. So are

you saying you need to have friends to be

happy?

The problem is you can't do— I don't know,

the things I want to do. You can't do with

a friend.

I mean, the things I want you can't get

from a friend.

I wouldn't want to travel with a friend.

That'd be weird. Imagine traveling with a

I don't think I could. I think I'd rather

just travel alone than get an Airbnb and

live in it with a guy friend.

Ice Poseidon traveled with friends.

Yeah, he did. Maybe it's

not weird.

Okay, maybe it's not weird, but it's not

what I want to do.

Have you ever had female friends?

I guess I had this Iranian friend at a

guesthouse. We used to hang out every day,

actually, and it was non-sexual.

Yeah, it was nice, actually. It was better

than being alone.

But I did want to have sex with her,

but she friend-zoned me.

Many women won't consider you as a partner

unless you start as friends. Yeah, maybe

that's a mistake me and Mida made. We just

rushed it so quickly. It was like we met

one day, 6 hours later we were staying in

a hotel overnight, and then the next 2

days she was moving in with me. So, so

fast. We didn't even get a chance to talk

about stuff like relationships or

personality stuff.

Or what we wanted or what we're looking

for.

So I am, I am rethinking my

whole approach on hooking up and

jumping straight in. Maybe it is better to

get to know them. I mean,

I don't know. If I

got to know Mira and then we decided we're

not a good fit, then I would have missed

out on 3 weeks of, of really good times.

Because the 3 weeks we had together were

really good, even though it ended in me

crying every day. If I could go back

in time, I wouldn't not want to do it

again. It was so good. Oh,

I can't even describe to you how great it

was just having a girl here that I liked.

I'd rather it happen than not happen,

even if in the end it wouldn't result in

anything. I don't know,

I'm still confused about that one as well.

So I don't know if it was— I'm not sure.

So I did feel pretty sad and depressed. I

feel much better now, but the first 5 or 6

days I was just going insane.

You, you don't even know. I was

crying, I was punching the wall,

kept— I kept pacing around my room around

and around in circles for hours, just

going, no, why,

no. I was like a lunatic.

I was even having like mini panic attacks

where I could feel like my chest was

getting tight and I had to start

hyperventilating. It was nuts. I need

to make a video about this, maybe

tomorrow. My experience of heartbreak.

It's my first time ever. You might be

surprised that I haven't actually been

heartbroken ever before. Okay, there's one

time when I was about 19 when I had that

online Japanese girlfriend. She broke my

heart as well, but I didn't really meet

her ever, so it wasn't as strong.

And then all the other girls I dated, a

couple of them dumped me, but I didn't

care because I didn't like them anyway.

And the rest of them, I dumped or ditched

them because I didn't like them. So

really, Mida was my first ever experience

of getting dumped by a girl I really

liked. So it was— it was

insane, the feelings I had.

It was like my entire mind and

way of thinking got annihilated and

destroyed, and it made me question

everything. Like, everything I was doing,

all my life choices, the way I think.

I was going crazy.

I walked away from the marriage so easily

because I didn't really have strong

feelings for Chira.

And it kind of came as a relief when she

said, let's get divorced. I didn't beg

her. I didn't— I wasn't like, please, no,

don't divorce me. I was just like, okay,

yeah, maybe that's for the best.

Maybe because I never experienced that

before, I was so immature about so many

Daniel, you don't need a woman. Like how

you don't need a car, house, or a job. I

mean, it's cool to have those things, but

they're not essential. Just use that love

doll from under your bed.

Thank you very much. I know it's not

essential and I could live the rest of my

life without a woman, but I'd rather have

one in my life. It just seems like a

lonely existence otherwise.

I feel like it opened my mind

to so many things after experiencing that.

I think I'm over it. I'm not sure. Today I

felt much better. I haven't done the

pacing around my room round and round in

circles thing. And I haven't felt like

that tight feeling in my chest.

Maybe tomorrow will be even better.

It was— it was intense. Intense.

Do you have any friends? I think if I go

back to Japan, I would like to work on

making friends.

If I go back to Japan, things have to be

different. I can't just be sitting in an

Airbnb all day swiping on Tinder. I want

to have a couple friends that I hang out

with, and then I also want to have some

kind of course or thing that I'm studying

where I go to a classroom.

So I have, I have something that gives me

a reason to go outside and something that

I'm learning and a way to meet

people. So I'm thinking maybe calligraphy,

then I can get a cultural visa for a year

or 2. And then set up my own place

somewhere and try and make

friendships.

And whilst doing that, also be

trying to look for a partner. I think

that's a good idea.

But it's gonna be a long time until I can

get back to Japan. I've heard they're not

letting tourists in until autumn or maybe

even next year. So I think during this

time, I want to use this time where I'm at

home to work on things like my fitness,

and I want to get stuff sorted out like my

teeth. I want to go to the dentist,

get them cleaned, and I want to go to the

optician because my eyesight has gotten

much worse. So I want to get a few things

sorted out before,

so it's good I've got plenty of time.

So by the time I'm ready to make my

triumphant return to Japan, I should be

better version of myself. But really,

it's just like visual things, isn't it?

Like my teeth and my, my body.

Those weren't really reasons that she left

me. She didn't leave me because I'm skinny

or I've got a cavity.

There's more important issues that I need

to fix. I don't really know how to though.

You say, oh, they want loyalty. Then I'll

just say, yeah, okay, I'll be loyal then.

How do I work on that? How do I work on

not cheating? I don't even have anyone to

cheat on right now.

It's like you're saying I have to fix

something I've already done in the past.

I can't, apart from just not cheating.

I don't think I would cheat though.

I feel fairly confident that I wouldn't if

I was happy in the relationship and if I

treasure the relationship. I don't think I

would jeopardize it. I wouldn't risk

losing a good relationship because I

cheated, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't

even be interested. The whole time Mida

was here, I didn't really

talk to any girls. The ones I used to

talk to, I stopped talking to. I just

didn't feel like I wanted to. Daniel, it

looks like Shannon is still a potential

candidate. She seems like she is still

interested with you. Hmm, I don't know.

I don't know if I would feel attracted to

her.

I feel like I Being attracted is, is

important.

You would get bored of Mira eventually,

then cheat on her. Are you sure?

I don't think I would. I don't know,

maybe I would. How do I know that I

wouldn't?

I don't even care if she's into games or

not. She could be into anything, really.

It's not important to me.

Mila being interested in Rainbow Six

wouldn't I don't know, I don't know. It's

not really important.

If you respect building a meaningful bond

with her, you wouldn't consider cheating.

But I'm not considering cheating, and I do

want to make a meaningful bond.

I think the reason why I cheated is

because I didn't really feel like I had

strong feelings for Chihiro.

I know it's still bad, but maybe if

I had stronger feelings for Chihiro, then

I wouldn't have cheated.

And I'm sure Chihiro understands this

because she also cheated on her ex-husband

because She wasn't satisfied.