so sad and alone forever... [SUIcrp3O3xo]

Oh my God, my girlfriend dumped me!

I'm getting kicked out! Oh look,

donation! I missed a donation just when I

ended the last stream.

Wow, thanks Neil Marshall!

Is he here? I should have—

I didn't notice it. When I ended the last

one, when did that come?

Do you like my new thumbnail? I look like

that guy, that Japanese game developer

guy. What's his name?

I actually sneezed when I took that photo.

It looked funny.

Why is Instagram not showing me messages?

It says Oh, now I

can see it. Just now it said cannot show

you based on your settings.

Someone asked if they can pay me. To send

them a video of me cumming. If it's a

girl, I'll send it for free.

How long was the driving lesson? It was 2

hours. I only booked 5

because I was worried I'd get scammed or

the teacher would be bad, so I think I'm

gonna book another 10 since he's quite

good.

Oops, played it again.

Send one to me. Send what?

So I'm not really sure what my goal is

here. Obviously I want to pass the test

and get my license, but then I don't want

to be rushing to

pass my test and only do like 10 lessons.

I want to do like 30 lessons and then feel

really confident and then do the test. So

I'm not in much of a rush. The only rush

is to Do it before

we go to Malaysia. Now I don't really want

to go to Malaysia. It's— I don't know what

I want to do now. So I was thinking of

staying in Malaysia and then traveling,

but now I want to focus on driving.

So the whole driving thing sounds more

interesting. I could get a car, I could go

on road trips.

What can I do in Asia? I just sit around

in a hotel room whining about the food.

I want a cum video.

Well, message me on Instagram then.

I might have one ready.

Malaysia has driving too. I'm not going to

learn to drive in a foreign country.

Sounds so difficult. I don't know how my

mum managed to learn how to drive here

when she came here.

She said she failed 5 times, passed on the

5th time.

I want to go on a road trip. Across

England.

Go camping in the woods.

There's no point going traveling. People

don't care anymore what I do. I could move

to North Korea and then get married to Kim

Jong-un, and then people still don't care

what I do. Channel's dead.

I can't even get more than 10K views even

with clickbait now. I don't know what's

happened. The algorithm just turned

against me.

It's so annoying.

Is this a good stream or a boring one?

Well, it's going to involve lots of

talking and me picking my nose and

looking into my empty cup. If that sounds

interesting to you,

The problem is no one cares about

anything. That I care about,

and then they complain that I'm being too

negative or whiny.

So I can't talk about gaming, people

aren't interested in driving, no one cares

about the banjo, people don't care about

stocks. I have no idea what

What people want to hear? I guess they

don't want to hear anything. That's why

they stop watching.

Oh, I don't know anymore.

It's like people only cared when I was

feeling depressed and lonely, and I was

whining about women all the time.

What do I care about? Well, right now I'm

interested in driving,

but now I'm realizing there's not much to

say about it. It's weird because when

you're on the lesson, it feels like so,

so many interesting things are happening,

but then I don't really feel like there's

a lot to say.

It's not really something you can go on

and on about. You just get in a car and

you press a pedal. Unless you have a

I don't know, I feel weird.

Something's changing.

Something is happening to my mind.

I'm not sure how to explain it.

It's like things I never used to be

interested in are now becoming

interesting, and then things I used to be

interested in are not very interesting

anymore to me.

What does the L mean on the thumbnail?

It's the learning, learning license

plate, the L plate for driving.

You have to learn manual in the UK because

pretty much all the teachers only teach

manual. I don't understand why an

instructor chooses to teach only

manual. Why can't they teach automatic as

well? Maybe it's because most people

want to learn manual. So if they have an

automatic car, Then they can't teach

manual people who want to learn manual.

And I guess more people want to learn

manual, so they have to choose what car to

buy. As an instructor, they could

go for automatic or manual, but they go

for manual, I guess, so they can make the

Why don't they teach in electric cars yet?

That'll be interesting.

I feel like I'm losing interest

more and more in the whole internet and

digital world, and I'm starting to feel

more interested in the real world.

And doing stuff in the real world. It's

like I completely lost interest in gaming.

I haven't done any gaming in months.

I'm spending more time going out and

meeting people and finding that to be more

fun and interesting than sitting in front

of a computer, caring less and less

about stuff like YouTube.

YouTubers. It feels weird. I don't know.

Maybe I should just get a job.

If I could learn— if I could learn to

drive and I get a car, maybe I could

deliver Amazon packages or something.

I just feel so bored of the internet and

the online world.

The only people think— the only thing

people want to hear about is bloody girls

and dating stuff all the time.

I heard Pierre is currently homeless,

looking for somewhere to live. Why do

people keep telling me that? Pierre is

currently homeless and looking for

somewhere to live, if it helps.

Why would it help though? Why do people

think I want someone to move in with me.

I had to ban so many people on Discord

because they're being annoying. They keep

going, oh, I don't understand why Daniel

doesn't just be with Pia. Why doesn't he

just let Pia move into his house? So

I don't want anyone moving into my house.

No one. I get annoyed very quickly

with having to be with someone for more

than a few days. I just want to sit in my

room on my own and do my interests

without having to worry about someone

else.

Number one, it's not my house, so it's not

my decision if someone can move in or move

out. Number 2, if she moved in, then she's

never gonna move out, is she? So then I'll

never be able to get rid of her.

I'm not actually really, really desperate

to have a girlfriend. It might surprise

you to hear, but I'm actually not

interested in having a girlfriend right

now. I just want a few people I can meet

and have sex with occasionally, but I

don't want to move in together. Or have

like a serious relationship.

I've got other things I want to do.

It was such a headache when I was with

Mila. Couldn't do what I wanted to do,

had to make all these sacrifices.

Oh, it was just a nightmare.

No one's living in the garden house

either. The garden house is my

mum's. She built it for herself so she can

bring friends over, and I

don't know why she wanted it, to be

honest. It's not for me to go sit in and

play video games in, or for some random

girls to move into.

Oh, look at the number of viewers going up

when I start talking about this stuff.

When I talk about driving, everyone

leaves, and I start talking about Pia or

random girls— I'm

not interested in women anymore. I'm not

interested in relationships.

They're just so stressful.

It's too much compromise and sacrifice

just for what? So you have a bit of

company and some sex. It's not worth it.

I have 4 lessons a week. Ideally, I'd like

to do lessons every day, 5 hours. You have

no idea how quickly the 2 hours went by.

It felt like 10 minutes. He said, okay,

now it's time to go back home. Take us

back home, you know the way. And I was

like, what? Is it over already? He said,

yeah, it's been 2 hours. I felt

sad when he was like, okay Daniel, let's

go home. I wanted to drive around all day

long. It just felt fun.

I wish you can do like a 5-hour lesson.

What I really want is just to be able to

drive around and then he can just

keep an eye on me so I don't crash. But

really, I don't want him to to tell me

what to do.

You know, the worst thing— my first

instructor, he was a nice guy and he was a

good teacher and everything. But the

problem was he kept telling me what to do.

He kept saying, like, okay, now brake,

now clutch down, now gear 2, now turn the

steering wheel, keep turning, keep

turning. He was guiding me on every single

thing. I couldn't do anything by myself

because he was guiding me the whole time.

So when he was guiding me, yeah, I could

drive pretty well. But when he stopped

guiding me, like on the exam, I didn't

know what to do. So I need the instructor

to stop guiding me so much. Just let me do

it myself. Even if I make a mistake,

as long as I don't crash, then he

should let me do what I want and then tell

me what I've done wrong. I don't know if I

should tell him that. Or if he's gonna do

that, because he might have a different

teaching style. But really, it would be

nice if he stopped telling me what to do,

because I know what to do, it's just I

don't know how to do it well. I don't

know, there's just so many things I have

to do all at once.

It's okay for him to tell me what to do

when I don't know what to do. When you

know nothing. But I don't feel like I'm

learning if I'm just following what he's

saying. Because my mind goes into like

follow mode, not thinking mode. I'm not

doing it. I'm not thinking for myself.

I'm just copying what he's telling me.

So it doesn't really help. It doesn't help

me learn. That's why I don't like

classrooms and schools. I like to learn on

my own. But driving is like one of the one

things you can't learn on your own. They

can't just give you a car. They can't just

give you a car and say, okay, go have fun.

You need to have the instructor next to

you, which is the annoying thing about it,

because I just want to have a car and then

just drive around. And then find out

through trial and error how the car works.

Like, what happens if I let go of the

clutch when I stop? Does it stall?

Does it not? What happens if I stop in

first gear? What happens if I stop in

second gear? I want

to know what happens when I do certain

things.

Otherwise, the same thing's gonna happen

where I'm not actually driving, I'm just

kind of copy driving.

But I think I'm getting the hang of the

clutch. I did pull off and

accelerate pretty smoothly a few times,

and it felt good. You just gotta find

where the biting point is. The car starts

rumbling a little bit when you found it,

and then you press down the accelerator

and let go of clutch at the same time.

It's like a balancing thing like that.

You lift up on one, you push down on the

other. And then when you stop, you let go

of one, you push down on the other, and

then when you start, you— it's like

balancing the 2 pedals.

But then the other thing is I find it

difficult to know when to change gears.

He kept having to tell me to change gears.

I didn't know why I was changing them.

So first gear is when you're starting the

car, and then when you're starting to

move, and then when you get to about 10

miles per hour, you change to 2nd, and

then 15 to 20, I think you change to 3rd.

But I, I kept skipping from 3rd to 5th,

and the car wasn't really moving very

fast. And I was like, why isn't the car

moving? And he said, because you're in 5th

gear at 20 miles an hour. He said, don't

worry, because it's a diesel car, it's got

enough power to be able to power through

and eventually get to that speed. I don't

really understand what the gears do, I

guess.

I'm looking forward to my next test. I

mean, my next lesson. I've been watching

this YouTube channel. It's called DGN

Driving, and he does these mock exams

and lessons in his car and he films it.

They're pretty helpful. I'm not really

sure what else I can do. I need, I need a

physical steering wheel with a gearbox.

Also, I kept missing the gear stick. I was

looking at the road, paying attention,

trying to change gear. I kept going like

this. Where's the gear stick? Kept missing

it. And then I kept changing to 3rd gear

instead of 2nd gear because I forgot where

the numbers go. Why does it have to go

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6? Why can't it just be 1,

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, like in a straight line?

Why is it that weird grid shape? It

doesn't make any sense. You should be in a

DGN video. That would be funny. He says if

you want to be in the video, just message

us on Instagram. They pick people

randomly. But then I have to go all the

way to Wolverhampton, which is actually

where that blonde Muslim Manchester girl

was from, which is funny. I think that's

in the middle of England. They've got a

weird accent. It's not quite— well, it's

kind of northern, but not very, very

northern. It's like Birmingham, kind of.

Well, not that thick. Sounds funny.

Buy a racing wheel. I actually saw a

gaming gearbox on Amazon, but are these

games actually realistic, or is it just

for racing? I looked for a VR

game, but there was no VR driving

simulators, just stupid weird looking

games.

Are you sad that something like the iconic

Ice Poseidon collab will probably never

happen again?

Do you mean with Ice Poseidon or with

another creator?

Um, I feel sad

that I kind of died as a YouTuber, became

irrelevant.

I feel sad that the only time people,

other channels, were reacting to me was

when I was making weird videos.

So to get back to that level, I got to do

something really weird again, don't I?

But I've already done everything that's

really weird. To make things even weirder,

I would have to break the law,

and I'm not— even though my nickname is

Asian Onision, I'm not going to start

grooming teenagers.

I think, um, the whole losing money on

stocks videos could be a good way to

make some views. People seem to be— I

actually got more views on my losing money

video than any of the girl videos

recently. Make money by losing money.

Make money by talking about losing money.

Should have stuck with game reviews.

There's no more games. What games are

there? I did an Obi-Wan Kenobi review on

my second channel. It got 26K views. I

made another Obi-Wan Kenobi video. It got

2.8K views.

Sophia is badmouthing me on other servers

now. Yeah, she's upset because I told

everyone she sent me nudes, and then I

said, why are you upset? And then she

said, because I'm a loser.

She's the loser sending me nudes in the

first place.

If I'm such a loser, then why'd you send

me nudes? If you're so embarrassed because

I'm a loser and you don't want people to

know that you sent me nudes, then why'd

you send them? She's the loser.

Expects me to be completely loyal to her

and not go on other dates when she won't

even tell me when we can meet up.

Sophia is spamming your nudes. I don't

really care because I sell nudes for a

living. They get leaked all the time.

I'll show my nudes right now if I didn't

get banned. I like showing my nudes, it

turns me on. I'm not like, oh no,

don't look at my leaked nudes, I'm so

embarrassed. I'll whip out my dick now if

I could show

you my floppy.

Sophia is a viewer.

She started messaging me in February.

Then she got all weird because I was

talking about going on other dates with

other women, talking about how I had sex,

and then she got upset about it. Why would

she get upset about it?

If you wanted to skip the queue, then you

should have hurried up and told me when,

when we could meet up.

I'm not waiting around for some random

girl that I don't even know.

I'm not gonna stop dating just for one

girl that might end up ghosting me anyway.

Look at the Essex girl, messed me around

for 2 years, and then in the end she never

met up with me.

These viewer girls are all crazy.

I just haven't had good experiences.

Turkish girl was probably the most normal

one. There wasn't really anything weird

or annoying about Turkish girl. It was

just I got kind of bored and I wanted to

play some games, which she didn't like.

I just felt a bit suffocated being in a

hotel 4 days straight with not much to do.

But I really messed up with the Turkish

girl. For some reason I got

all moody and depressed. What I should

have done was I should have planned some

trips to go on with her. We could have

gone to Cologne or nearby sites. I didn't

even Google interesting things to do in

Germany. There must be so many interesting

things in Germany around Düsseldorf we

could have gone to. But no, I was just

moping around all the time. Feeling kind

of fed up. But Turkish girl was okay. I

don't know why I acted like that.

I didn't really feel very attracted to

her. I guess that's the main problem.

Also, I'm getting gray hair.

Sad to admit, but I'm getting old.

I was looking through my hair the other

day. I found 4, and there's probably more.

I got a mirror and I used another mirror

to look at the back of my head. Big

shining silver strand. Plucked it out

and I just stared at it like this. What

the fuck is this? And then I looked up

here and I saw another one. Then I saw

another one here. Oh my God, I'm going

grey.

It's not really new because when I was

with Mila, she used to— she used to

inspect my head like a monkey. She would

like pick through my hair and then she

would find white hairs. She would pick

them out the back. She'd be like, oh, I

found another one. And I thought maybe

that was because I stressed out in

Rotterdam. But yeah, I'm getting gray

hairs now. I can't believe it. I am 33,

so it's not unexpected. I remember the

Nepalese guy I worked with at a petrol

station. He was like 25 and you could

clearly see lots of gray hairs.

So I guess You know, I did pretty well

lasting until 30+ to get white hairs,

but I'm scared. I don't want to get old.

I'm gonna lose my nice dark hair.

Hair dye? Yeah, I don't have to be like

one of those people who dyes their hair

all the time, or just accept going gray.

Chihiro used to dye her hair almost every

week or every few weeks. Chihiro would get

quite a lot of gray hairs.

No, I called her monkey. I didn't call her

a monkey. I said she picks through my hair

like a monkey, like how they pick the

parasites out of each other.

See, that's what annoys me. I get all

these haters, or I used to, who complained

about how I never changed and I never try

to self-improve. But then when I do, and

then I try and talk about it, no one

cares. And then I gotta go back to talking

about girls and sex to retain any kind of

viewership. So frustrating.

So it's either just carry on being

insulted about how I have no goals or

ambitions and how I never change,

but then retain those viewers, or I just

keep trying to make videos about how I've

learned something new or how I've changed

my way of thinking. But then people don't

care anymore because they don't find it

entertaining.

So I've got to carry on talking about

girls, I guess.

I want to get a car and then Put like

handcuffs in the back for my Tinder date.

My sex dungeon on wheels.

No, I'm just joking.

Don't clip that.

Can I drive a van? I don't think I can

drive a van. I need a special license,

don't I? Get in the van!

Now! No, a van license

is a B1. My current license is an

AM, an A, and a B.

So AM is like a 50cc

moped, and A is a motorcycle. Wow, I can

ride a motorcycle up to 125cc. And then

a B is like a regular car license. B1 is a

van. A C1 is a small lorry.

A C is a big lorry. A D1 is a small bus.

A D is a big bus. A BE is

a car plus trailer. C1E is a lorry plus a

lorry trailer. Wow.

What license do you need to drive a tank?

That's cool, I can drive a motorbike.

Now I've got to start thinking what car to

buy. I wanted to buy a Tesla, but they're

like 60K. It will take me years to save up

that much money. So for my first car,

Or should I get— you can get pretty cheap

electric cars from Nissan. There's this

Nissan Leaf. It's about $15K or

$20K. There's also a $13K one, but they

look stupid. They're like these really

small cars you expect to see in Japan.

Get a van and write free candy on the

side. What if I write on the side,

um, we'll give free rides for sex?

Is that illegal? Free taxi for pussy.

Write that on the side. Free taxi service.

Get in the back. That sounds so

shady.

I actually

like the car the instructor has, the Ford

Focus diesel. Do you think it's good to

get a diesel car? Because they're easier

to handle. They don't stall as much as

petrol. And I heard that they're actually

more fuel efficient. But diesel costs

more money than petrol at the pump.

I don't even know how to fill a car with

petrol, which is funny because I worked at

a petrol station. I saw it every day, but

I've never done it myself. What do you do?

You drive up to the pump and then you take

the nozzle that you need? How do you

know if you need leaded or unleaded?

And then how do you know how much to put

into the tank? How do you know if the

tank's full? Get an electric car. Yeah,

I think I would have

to take out my life savings.

But then if you don't get a Tesla, you

can't use the Superchargers. You gotta use

these other third-party chargers that

take— I'm not sure if they take longer,

but I think the Supercharger thing is

unique to Tesla.

I would like a Tesla, but they're so

I want to do RV trip around

England.

Maybe my new girlfriend will let me drive

her car. We're meeting next week.

Oh, she asked if we could go to Leeds

Castle. I had to make an excuse.

I don't want to go to Leeds Castle because

my mum works there, and also this guy

works there that I knew from school who

was also friends with Chris. It would be

so awkward if I went on a date to Leeds

Castle and then he was like, oh, all

right, Daniel, how's YouTube going?

Trying to keep it a secret that I do

YouTube. So I said to her,

um, there's someone who works there who I

used to know from school, so I don't

really feel comfortable going there.

Thankfully, she didn't ask anything about

it. She just said, okay, so we're gonna go

to a different castle instead.

Bit annoying. She keeps trying. She keeps

saying that she can pick me up at

Harrietsham. It's like she wants. She

keeps trying to come nearer and nearer to

Yeah, in case you didn't know, I kind of

have a girlfriend. Well, I had two

girlfriends, but I recently blocked one of

them because she was too too annoying.

But I still have the other girlfriend and

she's quite nice and she doesn't pressure

me. She doesn't nag me. And I

like the way she, she suggests going to

places. She's like, let's go here, let's

go there. I like that.

It shows eagerness. Don't like girls like

Sophia. They show no eagerness. Doesn't

even tell me when we can meet up.

What's your plan when they discover your

YouTube history? I don't know,

just let things play out how they

will. I did my best to keep it a secret,

but nothing is 100%. Either they'll be

really shocked and outraged, or they won't

be too bothered by it. Not really

bothered. Either outcome is fine.

Ideally, I don't know. I don't know if I

actually care. I mean, I like meeting her

and it's nice to have someone to go to

places with, but I wouldn't

cry if she dumped me.

It would just be like a mild frustration.

But she is motivating me to learn to

drive, which I really appreciate. I don't

know why, but after I started meeting her,

I really felt this urge to want to drive,

to be able to go to these places with her.

It just— it feels good, doesn't it?

I don't know why. I just suddenly feel

this way about having your own vehicle,

being able to get to places that you can't

get to with trains.

Also, the electric bike has really

influenced me. Having an electric bicycle

and being able to ride to Maidstone and

faraway places by myself without needing

a train. Feels pretty nice as well.

The problem with my channel is not really

the videos, it's the streams when I talk

about this kind of stuff.

Obviously she'll be upset if she just

heard what I said. That, that would be the

reason why she would end up dumping me

more than all the past stuff. Because

that'll be pretty upsetting to hear, I

guess, for her. That's why Chihiro

was so upset when she first found out,

because I talked like this about her. I'd

be like, uh, my new girlfriend's okay,

but her bum's a bit small and the sex

isn't very good. That was what I was

talking about before Chihiro found my

channel. That was why she started sexting

the Australian guy, because she found out

my Twitch She saw me saying this stuff and

she was upset. She said she wanted to get

revenge, so she started messaging him.

Sounds like an excuse.

So right now, whilst I feel really

motivated to drive, I want to do

lots of lessons and really focus

it— focus everything onto it before I lose

interest, because I know I'm going to lose

interest. The most annoying thing about

being me Is I

just lose interest in stuff so fast.

Starting to lose interest in the banjo,

but then I'll get interested in it again

sometime later down the line. But I keep

losing interest in stuff before I actually

get good at it. So annoying.

You don't want to be like me because you

can never stick to anything.

I just lose interest in stuff randomly.

But when I am interested in stuff, I get

really obsessive and I can't think of

anything else, and that's all I care

about.

So I've been spending all day long

watching these driving instructor videos.

There's another channel called Conquering

Driving. It's quite good.

He said if you're not sure where— how to

stay in your lane, then imagine

that your left leg is the center of

the car. Keep your left leg in the center

of the road and then you should be in the

center. I also had this problem with

steering when I was driving because I kept

twitching, like trying to play a video

game where you try and steer the car in a

video game. You're constantly adjusting

left and right to steer your car in a

game. That's how you drive in games. But

in real life, I was driving like that and

he kept saying, stop steering like that.

Just look ahead at where you want to go

and your hands will naturally steer

towards that direction, which just doesn't

make any sense.

I think it works, but it just doesn't make

any sense why it works.

Because I want to, I want to micromanage

the steering millimeter by millimeter, so

I'm twitching left and right to try and

keep the car in the middle. But then what

happens is you end up just swerving.

So I'm trying to, trying not to do that

and trying to look into the distance where

I'm aiming for. Because he said,

when you're going around bends, I also—

when I went around bends and there's

oncoming traffic, I want to look at the

oncoming traffic. But he said, if you kept

looking at the oncoming traffic, you're

going to drive into them because your

hands naturally steer you at what you're

looking at. That's so difficult. You're

going around a bend and oncoming traffic's

coming. And it looks like it's coming

towards you, you want to look at it so you

don't drive into it. But all you have to

do is keep it in your peripheral,

peripheral vision and then focus on

your own lane. That just seems so weird.

But then I guess when I ride my bicycle,

I'm not I'm not staring at the oncoming

traffic. I'm just focusing on where I'm

going.

You're going to be paying £1,500 for your

insurance. Do you mean in a year? I

watched this guy called Brandon who was on

the DGN channel. He just passed his test

and he got the same car that I'm learning

in. Ford Focus diesel. He said his

insurance is about £150. £1,850 a

month. How much is that? £1,800.

Wow. Yeah, it's pretty expensive.

And then there's road tax, and then

there's MOT, and then there's parking and

fuel. I don't know if this is really going

to be worth it. Why am I learning to drive

again? I have no idea. I'm just doing it

because I'm bored right now. I'm thinking

of it as, well, I pay £30, I get an hour

to mess around in a car, and I get to

drive around. It's like paying £30 to have

a go on a go-kart. That's the way I'm

thinking of it. It's like entertainment.

I'm not trying to learn a skill that I

need for life like all these kids are.

These 18-year-old kids fresh out of school

They're all trying really hard to pass

their exam and learn to drive so they can

get a job. I'm past that stage of my life.

I don't need a car. I'm just doing it

because I'm bored and I, and I'm looking

for something fun to do. Maybe I'll just

do a couple lessons, get bored, and just

give up.

Because I don't really have a use for a

car. What am I going to do?

How often am I going to just randomly go

and drive? If I have a date,

then it would be useful. But then how many

dates am I going to go on?

It's going to get expensive. I ought to

pay for a car, maintain it, pay all this

insurance stuff. Plus, I need to pay for

stuff like hotels and whatever we're doing

for the date. I'm going to be broke.

Maybe I will have to get a job.

These dates are getting expensive. Spent

like £100 on a hotel a few weeks ago.

And then, I don't know.

£20 on food.

I think it was £20 for the zoo.

And then if we go to London— oh my God,

hotels in London are so expensive. It's

like £200 for one night.

We might have to go to London to see

something she wants to see in London.

Then I gotta book a hotel if she wants to

stay the night. Hotels, I guess cheap

hotel will be 150-ish.

2-star hotel.

Now my YouTube channel is dead.

I need to find a new way to make money.

The OnlyFans still doing well. I think I

won't delete my OnlyFans. I think I'll

just go to Malaysia and then come back,

focus on my life here. I just don't see

how my life is going to be better in Asia.

It would just be more frustrating.

Nothing I do there will be permanent. It

will be temporary because I wouldn't stay

for very long. Can't really learn anything

there. It just seems like a waste of time

and money.

It's just traveling is becoming less

and less appealing. Short-term traveling

is fine. Going on holiday is fine. But I

mean, long-term traveling, staying in a

country for months, it just feels more and

more pointless to me.

Jeez, that thumbnail. I look so weird.

I never made that face ever on YouTube.

It doesn't look like me.

What was that?

Oh yeah, today I spent nearly 3 hours

trimming the bushes because when my

driving instructor came, he told me to

pull out of the drive and the bushes were

so overgrown I couldn't see the road. So I

spent all morning— see that? That right

bush by the gate. I was trimming that,

and then I really enjoyed trimming the

bush for some reason. It felt really

satisfying, like ASMR. Hair— giving a

haircut to a bush. I went all around the

drive cutting all these other bushes. You

can't see it that clearly, but it was way

more overgrown. You see the bushes by the

bins? I gave that a bit of a haircut, and

then that bush At the bottom middle of the

screen, I gave that a nice haircut. I went

round the drive— you can't see it to the

right because the bush was overgrowing

into the driveway— and I was just on this

bush trimming rampage. My arms went weird.

I couldn't hold my chopsticks stably.

They were shaking and trembling.

And then I did some weeding. I got this

tool Where you scrape the ground and it

just pulls out the weeds. Got 3 bags of

weeds and stuff now. It was quite fun

actually, I enjoyed it. And then I got

really hungry, had a nice lunch because I

was hungry, had an appetite.

I can't believe I did gardening and now

I'm driving. It's so weird. I feel like an

adult,

turning into my dad. It's so strange

when you make that transition from all you

care about is playing video games and

having sex to, oh, now I'm gardening and

interested in automobiles.

People really change when they get older.

I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow as well.

It was a nice workout. I think it might

help beef up my forearms because I could

really feel my forearms. So I never use my

forearms for anything, that's why my arms

are like twigs. Maybe I can build up some

muscle doing it. Plus my mum would be

pretty happy to see me do some work.

The main thing my mum moans about is that

I don't I don't do any garden work or

housework. I do a bit of cleaning, but I

think she'll be pretty happy to see me,

um, do some garden work.

It's a good thing about having a big

garden, you don't need a gym. Just grab

a tool, start cutting stuff, start digging

stuff.

That's what my dad always used to say. He

always used to say he thinks exercise and

going to the gym is a waste of time

because you can go into the garden and

then get exercise whilst also getting

something done. It's just most people

don't have a garden, so they have to go to

the gym. What are they gonna do, go to the

park and start digging a hole?

That's the good thing about having a

garden. Keeps you busy.

Then I won't be scared of those scary kids

at the train station. Those kids are

so scary. I dare any of you go down to the

train station on your own. You got a pack

of 8 chavvy teenagers smashing bottles and

swearing and stuff.

I don't know what to do, because if you're

hostile towards them, they will attack

you. If you look at them funny, they'll be

like, what are you looking at, mate?

You're storting! They'll probably throw a

bottle at you. Or maybe you can try and

win their approval, because they, they

were going around asking people for

lighters. They asked me for a lighter. I

said, no, sorry. They threw a stick at me.

What if I just bought a big pack of

lighters, put in my bag? Next time I see

them, Yeah, here's a lighter for you.

Here's one for you. Please don't beat me

up. What if

I pay them for protection? So I'll pay you

£2 each if you keep me safe and you

protect me. It sounds like I'm, I'm,

I'm being blackmailed. What's the word?

I'm having to pay a toll.

Oh, thanks, Zoron. Have you ever seen a

weasel in your garden? Actually, I have.

Long time ago. It was dead. I took a photo

of it. It's like this mouse, but it's very

long, and it was lying on its back in the

garden. It's frozen solid.

Haven't seen one since.

It's just sad. My whole school life was

being terrorized by chavvy English kids.

20 years later, still happening. Even as

an adult.

Now I'm getting terrorized by the kids of

the kids who used to terrorize me. These

are the kids of the kids who used to bully

me. Now their kids

are gonna bully me. How sad is that?

Seriously don't know what to do though. I

either have to beef up so I look tough,

or what

can I do? Avoid them?

I feel kind of stupid that I entered the

train station when I heard them, because I

heard them all shouting and running

around. I thought They were getting off a

train coming over the bridge to leave. I

didn't know they were running up and down

the bridge, jumping from platform to

platform, smashing bottles.

I shouldn't have gotten onto the platform.

I should have stayed on the outside bit.

Next time.

And they start making fun of my eyes.

They start going, why are your eyes so

slanted? Or why are your eyes narrow?

My eyes aren't that small.

It's not just the eyes though, it's my

complexion, the way my hair looks dark.

I just look so Asian. I don't

think my sister has ever had this problem.

I don't know why my sister doesn't look

Asian. She's so lucky.

I feel like I should have phoned the

police. The police would have come if I

told them kids were smashing bottles and

fighting on the platform. It's pretty

dangerous.

But then the kids would know that it was

me that grassed them up. Because I was the

only one there. Who else would have phoned

the police?

People here, they look at me, they

instantly think I'm from China.

They don't even think that I might be part

white. It's so annoying.

I lived in this country longer than they

have. I mean, I've been living in this

country before they were even born,

but they don't see me as an Englishman.

Still feel like I'm a foreigner.

It's the worst thing about being non-white

in a white country.

But if you're a minority, being Asian is

the worst. People don't really bat an eye

at Black people because Black people are

pretty common in England. Indian people,

very common in England. But if you're like

Chinese Asian, it's very

uncommon to see Asian Chinese people in

rural England. You got to go to like

London or Manchester where they've got

universities and stuff. Universities,

international universities. In Manchester,

you saw Chinese people everywhere. It

wasn't a weird thing.

London, a lot of Chinese people. But in

Kent, in the countryside, unless you go to

a Chinese restaurant, it's very rare to

see Chinese people.

I feel scared. I want to cover my face. I

want to wear a balaclava. Balaclava. I

think you said bara— bara-crava. I want to

wear a bara— balaclava so I don't have to

reveal the way my face looks,

so I feel safer. I think if I was white,

they wouldn't have bothered me.

Maybe I should have joined in, being like,

hey guys, this looks fun, can I throw one?

And And then they'll think I'm cool.

They'll think I'm with them. I'm hip.

Throw a bottle and laugh. Join in.

Then I'll get in trouble. Police will

come, won't they?

If you're not with them, they'll see you

as being against them.

It's just the kids. The people— I

haven't really had any problem with adults

in the country, in this country. It's just

kids in the countryside.

They think it's funny to be racist.

I don't know if they would say anything if

I, if I was Black. I feel like it's

because I'm Southeast or East Asian.

I don't know what would happen in Japanese

countryside because I never really been.

I think if you're white or Black in the

Japanese countryside, you'll get stares,

but I don't think they would attack you or

throw things at you or say anything.

It's another reason to learn to drive,

because you're safe in a car. You're safe

from the riffraff on public transport,

but then you're at danger to, to road

traffic. So you got to pick your poison.

You want to be at danger to scary people

at train stations, or if you're walking

home at night on the road, do you want to

be at risk of being kidnapped or

something? And in a car, you're pretty

safe because you're in a moving vehicle.

They can't stop you. But then you got

other dangers as a, as a driver.

They could have stabbed me. One of them

could have had a knife and they could have

thought it was funny to stab me.

They would be like, oh, do Chinese people

bleed yellow blood?

Stupid English kids.

Why don't you do some kung fu, Jackie

Chan? The annoying

thing is how Asian, Asian men have

this stereotype of Well, people just think

of Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee when they

think of Asian men, don't they? Because

that's— those are the most famous Chinese

men in media. Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee.

So they do those stupid kung fu sounds.

Stupid Bruce Lee.

Well, I think it's not really a problem

that just Asian people have. Pretty sure

that even white people get attacked by, I

don't know,

gangs of teenagers in London and stuff.

That's why you need to have everything

private. You need— don't go to the park,

have your own garden. Don't use train,

have your own car. Just try to

avoid public spaces as much as possible.

That's the annoying thing about being

human. There's just so much variety in the

way we look. But then when, when it comes

to nearly every single species, there's

always huge variety. Cats and dogs, even

insects. How many different types of ants

are there? If everything just looked the

same, we wouldn't have this problem.

How would you make fun of the way I look

if you look like me? You can't.

If we all look the same, life would be so

In a way, I kind of like— I like the idea

of having a full face cover like the

Muslim people wear. It seems like not a

bad idea. People won't be able to judge

what you look like.

Just go around in full, full face

coverings.

But when I wear a face mask, I look even

more Chinese because then you can only see

my eyes. My eyes are my most Asian-looking

feature.

What was the most interesting thing I did

abroad? Probably getting married and then

becoming famous on YouTube. It's pretty

interesting.

Oh yeah, I got a phone call from the

optician. Remember I sent in my old

glasses to get them fitted with new

lenses? The glasses Chihiro chose for me.

They broke them. They said they broke the

frame snapped, and they said,

"We did say that this could be a

possibility if you agree to doing this,"

and I have to go in and they'll let me

choose a new frame up to a certain value.

So they broke my special Chihiro marriage

glasses. Those were special.

No one even said anything about my new

glasses. Do you like them?

So now I'll go back into Maidstone. I

might get beaten up.

I think I'll just ride my bike.

How'd they break them?

How would they take lenses out of it in

the first place and put new ones in?

Because The

frames don't come apart. In most glasses,

it's like one solid round thing. Maybe

they use a special tool to flex it so they

can take the lens out, and then it

snapped. The new ones

look better. Oh, thanks. Look, I got

sunglasses as well.

Yeah baby, looking cool.

I never actually wore these and looked at

myself. It looks funny. It's so weird I

can see because I got prescription

sunglasses. Where's my cigar?

I look like I'm blind. Why do I look like

a blind person? But these are for

Malaysia, so I don't get Blinded

by the sun. I look like an elderly blind

person. Why do I look blind? I don't

know. They're just sunglasses.

Well, they're the same frames as these,

but they just have the tinted lenses.

Whoa, what if I put this over the camera?

Ooh, is that weird?

It's kind of the same.

I don't think sunglasses suit me,

but if you're going to Malaysia, you kind

of need sunglasses because it's so bright

Okay, so what I need to do—

things I need to work on for my driving.

So what do you do when you approach a

roundabout? Let's say you're approaching a

roundabout and I say take the third exit

right. What do you do first?