DO NOT WATCH Dune 2021 - Terrible Movie

Hello, welcome back to a new movie review.

So yesterday I went on a date with this

girl and I had the unfortunate experience

of having to watch the movie Dune. And as

an avid fan of sci-fi movies, I thought I

would have to give this movie a try

because I've heard quite a lot about it.

All I know is that it's originally a novel

that came out in the '60s or the '70s.

It's a pretty old franchise. And I also

remember there was a video game of Dune,

and my cousin had it when I was about 10

or 11. We all went over to my cousin's

house for Christmas, and he let my other

cousin play the game, but he didn't ask me

if I wanted to play the game, and I felt

like that was a bit rude. So I hit his

sister with a stick and I made her cry,

but that is neither here nor there. Back

to the movie review. Unfortunately, the

movie was probably the worst movie I've

seen all year. Actually, it's the only

movie I've seen this year because I don't

really like movies because 99% of the time

they're always rubbish. And this movie was

no exception. The movie was so damn long.

I think it was almost 3 hours. I had no

idea what was going on half the time. I

swear the first half hour or the first

hour of the movie could have been cut out

and it wouldn't have made any difference.

The first hour they were like story

building, trying to explain who's who and

what's going on, and I had no idea. It was

like this faction, Tarkesian whatever,

hates us. We're the Arkidos,

and we got to go to this sand planet

because the Emperor told us to. I have no

idea who any of these names are, what

these factions represent, what their

history is. They just kind of expect you

to know about the backstory in the

universe of Dune, and they just did a

terrible job at explaining the backstory

of anything. At least in Star Wars, they

They had the opening text that gives you a

brief explanation of who's who and what's

going on, and the characters were so bland

and boring. I couldn't remember any of the

characters' names. I think the main

character is called Paul or something

really generic sounding, and the main

character is just like this lame, whiny

emo kid, kind of like Shinji from Neon

Genesis Evangelion. And I quite like

Timothée Chalamet from the other movie

where he's that English king. That was

quite a good movie, so Nothing against

Timothée Chalamet, I think he's a decent

actor. It's just in this movie his

character was so boring and annoying and

dull. And also Jason Momoa is in it as

well from Game of Thrones, that guy called

Drogo. And in this movie he's just like

this alpha male tough guy, and he's also

really bland and boring and not really

interesting. And then he dies later in the

movie, and it's supposed to be like this

heroic scene where he sacrifices himself

to save the main characters. But I just

really didn't care when he died. I failed

to create any kind of emotional connection

to any of the characters. I felt zero

investment in the story or the characters.

They were also bland and boring. The whole

movie was just really, really boring. And

the action— so it's kind of weird because

it's sci-fi and they've got spaceships and

technology to be able to do

interplanetary, intergalactic travel, and

they've got cannons and bombs and stuff.

But the infantry, when it comes to the

ground fighting between the infantry,

they don't have any guns. They— there's

all this sword fighting and melee weapon

fighting, which is really weird. Didn't

they create guns or give their soldiers

guns or anything? And then they've got

this shield, like a personal protective

shield, um, that kind of acts

like an AT field if you've watched Neon

Genesis Evangelion. It's basically exactly

the same as that. So they've got this

shield that goes around their body, and

when, when they get some kind of hit on

their body, when there's an impact,

there's a blue flash. And when they get

penetrated, it's a red flash, and then

they die. And I guess it's a decent idea.

It's not really original, but it just made

all of the action and fighting scenes look

really lame because you couldn't really

see what was going on. Because every time

the hero attacks the enemy hits them, all

you see is like a big blue flash and then

a big red flash indicating that they've

died. And it just took her away from any

realism from the fighting. The fighting

just really seemed very non-brutal,

and there was no blood in the film at all.

All they do is these acrobatic,

cool-looking moves, and it's very stylish

looking, but there's just no feeling of

brutality like Game of Thrones. Pretty

much all of the fighting scenes were

really lame, and even like the main action

bit when Jason Momoa takes on loads of

enemies just felt kind of dull, and I

didn't really feel like I was on the edge

of my seat going, oh no, I hope Jason

doesn't die. So from what I gather, the

story is there's a faction of the good

guys and they get sent to the sand planet

which is called Dune, and on Dune they

harvest spice. Spice which they need to

sell for money, and that's basically their

core business. And then on this sand

planet, there's the indigenous people,

the sand people, who are kind of like

oppressed and kicked out of their homeland

by the good guys faction. And then the

good guys faction gets betrayed by an

enemy faction. It's just really boring and

dull. Didn't find the story to be

interesting or engaging at all.

And then there's, for some reason, a lot

of spitting that happens in the film. The

characters like to spit as, as some kind

of greeting or like a cultural thing.

It's just really gross. And then you've

got these kind of spaceship starfighter

things which look like massive

dragonflies, and the design is kind of

cool, but it just seems so impractical.

The wings, they've got like triple wings

on either side. They flap up and down,

and then that somehow enables the aircraft

to fly. It doesn't make any sense. The

amount of force and propulsion you would

need for wings to flap up and down at that

velocity would just be insane, and then

they'll just get ripped off from the

amount of power they generate. It doesn't

make any sense. For an insect, yeah, it

would make sense because they weigh

nothing and their wings are able to, to

make them fly. But for heavy aircraft, it

it just doesn't seem realistic. The only

scenes I thought were kind of cool was

when the massive giant worms appear, and

you can see like— you could see the clouds

of sand coming out of the ground in the

distance as they approached nearer and

nearer, and then they swallowed everything

up, and they've got these pointy spiky

teeth. That scene was pretty cool, but

apart from that, everything else was a bit

boring and dull. And the, the plot twist

just really lame. So the plot twist is

there's a Chinese guy and then he betrays

everyone to save his wife. It's so lame.

So the Chinese guy somehow, um,

poisons the leader of the good guys

faction and then delivers him to the

enemy. And then for some reason the good

guy leader is then stripped naked and

sitting on a chair and he has like a

capsule of poison in his mouth. He bites

down onto it and then ends up killing

everyone in the room, including the enemy

leader. But then the enemy leader somehow

survives and regenerates and comes back

later anyway. But after that, you never

see him again. And then the Chinese guy is

like, I, I did everything you asked me to,

can I have my wife back? And then

obviously the evil enemy leader guy, the

evil bad guy, goes up to the Chinese guy

and says, sure, you can now join her

again, and then stabs him in the gut.

It's so predictable. Obviously the evil

bad guy is not gonna give him his wife

back and say, here's your wife, now you

can go and live happily ever after. So

dumb. So then Timothée Chalamet and his

mother somehow get kidnapped by these fat

bald men. For some reason, the soldiers of

the enemies all are all these fat bald

men, and they get taken into one of the

dragonfly ships. And they're going to be

executed in the middle of the desert and

dumped there. But they use this magic

power called the Voice where they can mind

control the enemies and make them do what

they say, which is such a bland and boring

magic ability to have. So then they escape

their captives, they meet up with the sand

people, and then for some reason they have

a fight. They have a one-on-one duel

between Timothée Chalamet and this black

guy, and obviously the black guy loses.

And then they all respect Timothée

Chalamet for being the better fighter,

and then they all become friends. And they

do this silly thing called the sand walk.

So if you just walk normally on the sand

on the dunes, then apparently the

vibrations attract the worms. But if you

do this special sand walk where you kind

of slide your feet as if you were kind of

roller skating, then apparently that

doesn't make any vibrations. And you can

avoid attracting the worms. It looks so

stupid. And then at the end of the movie,

there's this girl, she's got blue eyes,

and she says to Timothy, follow me, and

they go off together into the distance,

setting up the stage for the next movie.

I guess they're gonna make a sequel,

which I will not be watching because I

felt absolutely no interest in the story

or the characters. The cliffhanger they

were trying to create just completely

failed to make me want to see and find out

what happens in the next sequel, and they

just failed to create any tension or

excitement. It's just a really boring,

dull sci-fi movie. Everything about it was

just completely bland. I would not

recommend watching this movie. Complete

waste of time. But luckily I got my date

to pay for it because for some reason

Odeon wouldn't accept my my bank card.

And the date was pretty rubbish as well.

We went for pasta afterwards, and then

after pasta she just said, oh, I have to

go home. It was only 9 o'clock. It was

just a really awkward date. I didn't know

what to talk about, and every conversation

we tried to have just ended up leading

nowhere interesting. So in conclusion,

really boring movie and really boring